Original subtitles

YOU THINK YOU'RE IN MY HEAD NOW.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT!

YOU ARE GOING DOWN.

GET... IN... THERE, YOU... STUPID... JUICE BAG.

AAH!

THAT'S SOME GOOD JUICE.

AHH.

WE'RE OUT OF BEER.

♪♪♪

OH, BABY!

COME ON, GIRLS. GREAT PASS.

GOOD JOB. LET'S GO, HUMMINGBIRDS.

(buzzer)

OH, AND THAT'S A FINAL, PEOPLE. YEAH.

THE TURTLES TROUNCE THE HUMMINGBIRDS 25 TO 7.

JIM, HOW DOES IT FEEL THAT YOUR WIFE

LED YOUR DAUGHTERS TO A HUMILIATING DEFEAT?

OH!

REAL FUNNY, JIM.

GIVE ME A HAND. I'M STUCK.

SERIOUSLY, I'M STUCK!

OKAY, TERRIFIC GAME BY BOTH TEAMS.

HOW DOES EVERYBODY FEEL?

(all) GOOD!

AND WE FEEL GOOD BECAUSE...

(all) WE HAD FUN!

AND? (all) WE TRIED HARD!

YOU DID TRY HARD.

NOW LET'S EVERYBODY GO OVER AND GET A SNACK,

SOME REFRESHING JUICE AND...

YOUR... TROPHY!

(all) YAY!

I THINK SHE HAD A LITTLE REFRESHING JUICE HERSELF.

OH...

OKAY. NOW I WANT EVERYONE OVER HERE

TO FORM A PRAISE CIRCLE.

A WHAT CIRCLE? PRAISE CIRCLE.

I WANT EVERYONE TO SAY

ONE POSITIVE THING ABOUT A TEAMMATE.

THIS IS GONNA BE QUICK.

GRACIE, THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD SHOT. THANK YOU.

IN THE OPPONENT'S BASKET.

WOULD YOU LIGHTEN UP? NO.

ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT THE GIRLS ARE INTERESTED IN BASKETBALL?

CHERYL, I DON'T SEE BASKETBALL OUT THERE.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'M OLD-FASHIONED,

BUT IN MY AMERICA, WINNERS ARE WINNERS

AND LOSERS HOLD GRUDGES, NOT HANDS.

NOW REMEMBER, WE'RE ALL...

(all) NUMBER ONE!

PUT THAT DOWN.

GUESS WHAT?

WE'RE GONNA BE IN THE WNBA WHEN WE GROW UP.

AND THEN WE'RE GOING TO BE

FAMOUS TENNIS PLAYERS WHO DESIGN CLOTHES.

OH, YEAH? MOMMY'S GONNA HAVE A GLASS OF WINE.

YOU KNOW, GIRLS, THOSE ARE MIGHTY BIG DREAMS.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WORK INCREDIBLY HARD TO ATTAIN THEM.

WORKING HARD? PASS.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. COME HERE, GIRLS, COME HERE.

LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY

ABOUT A GIRL ABOUT YOUR AGE, AND HER FIRST TENNIS LESSON.

SHE ANNOUNCED RIGHT AWAY

THAT SHE WAS GONNA BE THE BEST TENNIS PLAYER

IN THE WHOLE WORLD, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

SHE WORKED INCREDIBLY HARD UNTIL SHE BECAME NUMBER ONE.

AND THAT GIRL'S NAME?

BILLIE JEAN KING.

SHE GOT SO FAMOUS

THAT MICHAEL JACKSON EVEN WROTE A SONG ABOUT HER.

DO YOU GUYS SMELL SOMETHING BURNING?

OUR CAKE!

OH, OH, MAN. DIDN'T YOU GUYS SET A TIMER?

I GUESS WE FORGOT. UGH.

BUT WE HAD FUN MAKING THE CAKE. AND?

WE TRIED REALLY HARD.

CHERYL, YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME WITH THIS ATTITUDE, RIGHT?

THIS ATTITUDE HAS GOTTA STOP, CHERYL.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IF I BUILT A BUILDING AND MY MISTAKE CAUSED IT TO BURN DOWN,

WOULD ANYBODY HIGH-FIVE ME?

I SEEM TO REMEMBER ANDY HIGH-FIVING YOU

WHEN THE YUGOLINI'S DECK MYSTERIOUSLY BURNED DOWN

AFTER THEIR CHECK BOUNCED.

I'M NOT THE ONE ON TRIAL HERE, CHERYL.

WHAT THEY'RE LEARNING AT BASKETBALL

IS KILLING MY CHILDREN, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY,

KILLING THE SPORT. IS THIS ABOUT THE CAKE?

PARTIALLY, BUT IT'S ALSO ABOUT

THIS FEEL-GOOD SELF-ESTEEM CRAP GOING ON, HONEY.

THEY CAN'T HAVE TOO MUCH SELF-ESTEEM.

CHERYL, SELF-ESTEEM IS ALL OVER THE PLACE.

COME ON. THEY GET IT AT BALLET. THEY GET IT AT SCHOOL.

24 HOURS A DAY FROM NOON TO NIGHT,

THEY ARE TOLD HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE.

THESE KIDS HAVE TO BE TAKEN DOWN A PEG.

YOU KNOW WHAT, JIM? THAT'S A VERY GOOD POINT.

TONIGHT, INSTEAD OF A BEDTIME STORY,

WE'LL READ THEM A LIST OF THEIR FLAWS.

THAT'S A START.

I GOT IT. YOU KNOW WHAT? I SHOULD COACH.

NO, NO, NO!

NO, I'M GONNA TAKE OVER RUBY AND GRACIE'S BASKETBALL TEAM.

NO, I CAN COACH 'EM. IT'S FINE. THE GIRLS HAVE FUN.

NO. CHERYL... HMM?

SPORTS AREN'T ABOUT FUN.

THEY'RE ABOUT OVERCOMING OBSTACLES,

WORKING AS A TEAM AND BEING ABLE

TO SAY COOL THINGS LIKE, "HOW DID THAT TASTE, LOSER?"

NO, NO, NO, NO.

THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING OVER THE TEAM.

AND YOU... YOU...

GET STARTED ON ANOTHER CAKE.

(speed-dials telephone)

DANA, IT'S ME. IT TOOK ME A WHOLE GAME...

(singsong voice) BUT I GOT JIM TO TAKE OVER AS COACH.

(whistle blows)

ALL RIGHT, HUMMINGBIRDS, LISTEN UP.

WE ARE NO LONGER GONNA BE PLAYING SOFT, SQUISHY

EVERYBODY-GETS-A-HUG BASKETBALL.

FROM NOW ON WE'RE GONNA BE PLAYING OLD SCHOOL,

HARD-NOSED WINNING BASKETBALL.

YOU'RE GONNA WORK HARDER THAN YOU'VE EVER WORKED BEFORE.

YES, JAMI?

I WORKED LAST SUMMER ON MY GRANDPA'S FARM.

OKAY, THE FIVE OF YOU ARE GONNA WORK REALLY HARD,

AND, JAMI, YOU'RE GONNA WORK AS HARD AS YOU DID LAST SUMMER.

YES, JAMI.

BUT I MOSTLY MADE COOKIES WITH MY GRANDMA.

JAMI...

WE'RE GONNA NEED A LITTLE LESS TALKING.

ALL RIGHT. AT YOUR LAST GAME,

YOU DIDN'T MAKE VERY MANY BASKETS, DID YOU?

BUT WE GOT THE SAME TROPHY AS THE TURTLES.

YEAH, SO WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

I'LL TELL YOU THE DIFFERENCE... TABITHA.

YOU DIDN'T EARN IT. THEY JUST GAVE IT TO YOU.

WITH ME, YOU'RE GONNA EARN EVERYTHING.

DAD?

I MEAN, COACH?

I THOUGHT WE WERE HERE TO HAVE FUN

AND TRY OUR BEST.

WELL...

MAYBE YOU CAN TRY YOUR BEST AT RUNNING AROUND THE GYM!

DO A LAP!

GO! COME ON. COME ON. COME ON.

TRYING IS DYING.

DOING IS EVERYTHING.

MM-HMM. 'CAUSE WE ALL KNOW NICE GIRLS FINISH...

NICE? NO.

PRETTY! NO.

PONIES LIKE ON MY GRANDPA'S FARM?

THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE. I CAN'T DO THIS, JIM.

EASY, COACH, EASY.

CAN WE HAVE A TREAT NOW? WHAT'S THAT?

CAN WE HAVE A TREAT NOW?

YOU KNOW WHAT, YUGOLINI?

YOU BEEN GETTING ON MY NERVES SINCE GIDDYAP.

TAKE A LAP.

AND TELL YOUR OLD MAN TO PAY HIS DEBTS.

(giggling)

JAMI, WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?

YOU. YOU'RE FUNNY.

I AM NOT FUNNY.

I AM STERN AND INSPIRING.

SAY, "YABBA-DABBA-DOO."

YABBA-DABBA-DOO

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, LET'S GO TO THE FREE THROW LINE.

COME ON. I WANNA SEE SOME HUSTLE. HUSTLE!

AND, GRACIE, WHY ARE YOU NOT HUSTLING?

COME ON, DAD. WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE, NOT THE GAME.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE.

I MEAN, PRACTICE.

NOT THE GAME THAT I'D DIE FOR.

I MEAN, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT PRACTICE.

NOW VISUALIZE THE BALL GOING IN.

GRACIE, BEND AT THE KNEES.

FOLLOW THROUGH.

KEEP YOUR WRIST NICE AND LOOSE.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE FREE THROWS TO BE A WINNER.

SHAQ DOESN'T MAKE FREE THROWS, AND HE'S A WINNER.

YOU KNOW WHAT, JAMI?

YOU'RE VERY CUTE.

LET'S SEE HOW CUTE YOU ARE AFTER FIVE LAPS!

MOVE IT!

GET HER, COACH, GET HER!

COME ON, GRACIE.

GRACIE, WHEN YOU'RE ON MY TEAM, YOU GOTTA WORK HARD.

RUBY.

GOOD JOB.

(whistle blows)

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT FOR PRACTICE. BALLS IN.

LET'S GO.

JERKS!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. COME ON, COME ON.

GET IN THE CENTER HERE. LET'S GO. COME ON.

COME ON. NOW FORM A CIRCLE HERE.

GOODY, I LOVE PRAISE CIRCLE.

WELL, I HATE IT.

THIS IS GONNA BE CALLED THE TRUTH CIRCLE.

EACH ONE OF YOU ARE GONNA TELL ONE OF YOUR TEAMMATES

EXACTLY WHAT THEY DID WRONG. RUBY, GO.

GRACIE, YOU CAN'T MAKE A FREE THROW TO SAVE YOUR LIFE.

EXCELLENT.

YOU STOLE MY BOYFRIEND.

OKAY, LET'S KEEP THIS ABOUT BASKETBALL.

WHOA, NOT SO FAST. LET'S HEAR THE DISH.

(Jim) AH, GAME DAY.

THAT IS A HUMMINGBIRD.

YEAH, DECIDED TO SPRING FOR NEW UNIFORMS.

CAN WE GO NOW?

I WANNA GET THERE EARLY SO WE CAN PRACTICE FREE THROWS.

OH!

SHE WANTS TO PRACTICE FREE THROWS.

MM-HMM.

DO YOU BELIEVE IT?

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU SPRUNG FOR NEW UNIFORMS.

GRACIE, COME ON! LET'S GO!

WOW, YOU LOOK GREAT. YOU LOOK SO TOUGH.

COME ON. I WANNA SEE THOSE ARMS. LET ME SEE THOSE ARMS.

THAT'S IT. BUT... WHAT... WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

MY UNIFORM. THAT'S NOT YOUR UNIFORM.

YEAH, I'M PLAYING FOR THE LAMBCHOPS NOW.

(clears throat)

UH, HONEY, WHY?

BECAUSE THEY JUST PLAY FOR FUN. OH!

RUBY, SWEETIE, WHY DON'T YOU GO WAIT IN THE CAR?

UM, GRACIE, MAYBE YOU WANT

TO TALK TO YOUR DAD ABOUT SWITCHING TEAMS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, CHERYL?

THAT'D BE OKAY IF I TALK TO THE ENEMY,

BUT PHIL JACKSON, MIKE DITKA AND ME...

WE DON'T DO THAT.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL GRACIE

SHE SHOULD HEAD TO THE REC CENTER?

'CAUSE IT'S A LONG WALK.

IS THERE A PROBLEM?

PROBLEM? NO, IT'S NOT A PROBLEM.

YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY ON MY TEAM, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

GO FIND YOURSELF ANOTHER TEAM.

YEAH, KINDA ALREADY DID.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.

COME ON!

YOUR DAUGHTER JUST QUIT YOUR TEAM.

NO, CHERYL, MY DAUGHTER CARRIES A BASKETBALL AROUND WITH HER

AND WANTS TO PRACTICE ALL THE TIME.

YOUR DAUGHTER JUST QUIT MY TEAM.

HONEY... NO, CHERYL, SHE QUIT!

COME ON. YOU KNOW GRACIE ACTS TOUGH,

BUT SHE'S REALLY SENSITIVE.

MAYBE SHE JUST NEEDS SOME ATTENTION.

ATTENTION? YEAH.

COME ON. I YELLED AT HER TWICE AS MUCH AS THE REST OF THE TEAM.

MAYBE SHE NEEDS A DIFFERENT KIND OF ATTENTION.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

AND YOU CAN GIVE HER THAT ATTENTION

WHILE YOU BOTH WALK TO THE REC CENTER.

WE ARE LIVE FROM BUKINIK MUNICIPAL REC CENTER

FOR THIS TITANIC CLASH

BETWEEN THE LAMBCHOPS AND THE HUMMINGBIRDS.

IT'S A FRENZIED CROWD OF ABOUT...

15.

THIS PRE-GAME SHOW IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY KARMELKORN.

IF YOU CAN FIND A BETTER-TASTING

CANDY-COATED VEGETABLE, EAT IT.

NOW GRACIE IS PLAYING FOR THE LAMBCHOPS,

SO I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO ROOT FOR BOTH TEAMS AT ONCE.

THERE AREN'T 15 PEOPLE HERE.

DID HE COUNT ME TWICE BECAUSE I'M FAT?

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PLEASE WELCOME THE LAMBCHOPS...

(cheering)

AND THE HUMMINGBIRDS.

(ominous music playing)

GO... BOTH TEAMS EQUALLY!

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP NOW.

NOW THERE'S TWO KINDS OF PEOPLE OUT IN THE WORLD...

WINNERS AND LOSERS...

AND WHAT ARE WE?

(girls) HUMMINGBIRDS!

I WAS LOOKING FOR "WINNERS," BUT THAT'LL DO.

NOW I WANT YOU TO GET OUT THERE,

AND I WANT YOU TO KICK... SOME... BUTTS!

GO!

BUTT, BUTT, KICK SOME BUTT.

BUTT, BUTT, KICK SOME BUTT.

(Andy) HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO!

THE TEAMS HEAD OUT FOR THE OPENING TIP-OFF.

HAVE A GOOD GAME, GRACIE.

THANKS.

(Andy) HO, HO, HO!

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T SPEAK SUBTEXT,

COACH JIM JUST CALLED GRACIE OUT.

HER RESPONSE? "IT'S GO TIME, OLD MAN."

(Jim) COME ON, COME ON, LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

PASS THAT BALL, PASS THAT BALL.

(shouting and cheering)

WAY TO GO, WAY TO GO, WAY TO GO!

NO, NO, NO! JAMI, WRONG BASKET, WRONG BASKET!

TURN AROUND, JAMI, TURN AROUND!

COME ON! COME ON, GIRL! COME ON!

COME ON, GIRL!

TABITHA, TABITHA!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE LIP GLOSS? THE LIP GLOSS!

OKAY, NOW IT LOOKS JUST WEIRD.

COME ON. EVEN IT OUT. NOW THE BOTTOM LIP.

THE BOTTOM LIP!

TAKE THE BALL DOWN, JAMI! GRAB THE BALL! GO!

ATTACK THE BALL!

BUT BE POLITE!

(whistle blows) (referee) FOUL ONE.

OH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THAT WAS OUR BALL!

COME ON. THEY'RE 10 YEARS OLD! LET 'EM PLAY.

LET 'EM PLAY! AH, COME ON!

COME ON! WHAT ARE... (muttering)

THAT'S RIDIC...

UHH!

COME ON, COME ON.

HEY, HEY, HEY! DID SOMEBODY DROP SOMETHING?

OH, A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET. RUBY, GO. TAKE THAT BALL DOWN.

BUT THAT MIGHT BE MY BRACELET. IT'S A LIFESAVER ON A RUBBER BAND. GO!

COME ON, COME ON.

YES! YES! THAT'S WINNING BASKETBALL! (whistle blows)

AND WITH TIME RUNNING OUT, THE SCORE REMAINS TIED.

GRACIE BRINGS THE BALL UP THE COURT.

SHE DRIVES TO THE HOOP...

(whistle blows, buzzer)

OH! SHE DRAWS A FOUL WITH NO TIME LEFT.

RUBY FOULS HER SISTER,

SENDING HER TO THE LINE WITH A CHANCE TO WIN IT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IF THEY MAKE A FREE THROW, THEY WIN THE GAME.

I DID IT ON PURPOSE. WHY?

GRACIE STINKS AT FREE THROWS.

WE'RE ALL THINKING IT. I'LL SAY IT.

THAT'S POOR COACHING.

FOR... FOR THE LAMBCHOPS, OF COURSE.

WHO CALLED TIME-OUT?

THIS RECAP BROUGHT TO YOU BY POTATO CHIPS.

EVEN THE LITTLE DUST

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BAG TASTES GOOD.

HEY, COACH? YEAH.

I JUST WANTED TO POINT OUT THAT THE TEAM

THAT WORKS HARD AND HAS DISCIPLINE HAS 18 POINTS,

AND THE TEAM THAT HAS FUN HAS 18 POINTS.

THE GAME'S NOT OVER, BLONDIE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

DISCIPLINE ALWAYS PAYS OFF AT CRUNCH TIME.

DOES CRUNCH TIME MEAN WE GET PEANUT BRITTLE?

TAKE A LAP?

DON'T WORRY, DAD. THIS IS GRACIE'S WORST NIGHTMARE.

SHE SAID SHE'D NEVER, EVER WANT TO SHOOT FREE THROWS

WITH THE GAME ON THE LINE AND YOU WATCHING.

OF COURSE NOT. SHE JUST...

WITH ME WATCHING?

(whistle blows)

SOUNDS LIKE GRACIE'S WORST NIGHTMARE

IS DISAPPOINTING HER FATHER.

(Andy) GRACIE, ALL ALONE...

WITH TWO SHOTS AND A CHANCE TO WIN IT FOR THE LAMBCHOPS.

COME ON, BABY.

♪ AIR BALL ♪ EVERYBODY!

♪ AIR BALL... ♪

JERK!

NO... GIVE IT BACK.

OH.

TIME-OUT! (blows whistle)

GRACIE, COME HERE.

WHAT?

NOW LISTEN, GRACIE.

I WANT TO TALK TO YOU AS YOUR DADDY,

NOT AS A BASKETBALL COACH.

DOESN'T MATTER TO ME

IF YOU MAKE THIS SHOT OR MISS IT.

OKAY? I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT YOU'RE A GREAT KID,

THIS IS JUST A BASKETBALL GAME

AND THAT I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

SO JUST HAVE FUN...

AND TRY HARD.

(basketball bouncing)

(Andy) GRACIE GETS SET FOR HER SECOND SHOT.

SHE COULD PROBABLY USE SOME SILENCE RIGHT NOW.

(cheering)

LAMBCHOPS WIN! HOLY COW!

HOW'S THAT TASTE, LOSER?

NEVER BEEN PROUDER.

GO ON. ENJOY YOUR WIN.

(sighs) ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS A LESSON TO ALL OF US.

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT LESSON IS? I'VE BEEN TOO EASY ON YA.

COME ON, LAPS! FIVE LAPS, LET'S GO.

SHAKE THAT THING. SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT!

AND, REF, YOU TAKE A LAP, TOO. YOU SUCKED TODAY.

SORRY YOU DIDN'T WIN, COACH.

DON'T WORRY.

I WON.

COME ON. YOU RUN A LAP, TOO.

HEY. NICE JOB ON THE PLAY-BY-PLAY.

OH, THANKS. YOU DIDN'T MIND ALL THE FOOD REFERENCES?

'CAUSE SEE, THAT WAS MY WAY OF SAYING

HOW GIGANTIC YOU'VE GOTTEN.

AH. NO, I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY.

YEAH. (laughs)

JOIN US FOR OUR POSTGAME SHOW,

BROUGHT TO YOU BY MY FAT-ASS SISTER.