Original subtitles

-Hey! -Should we go now, sir?

Why did you take so long?

-Nobody saw you, right? -No. No one saw me, sir.

-Come on. -Let's go.

Have you checked? Is no one awake?

Yes, sir.

Everyone is asleep.

Did you take the things?

Yes, sir.

Let's go.

Hamid is an insomniac. He's like an owl.

He stays awake all night.

Make sure no one is following us.

They do keep watch on the surroundings.

Hey, Bashir! Wake up!

Reporting, sir.

Did you see Captain Qureshi?

Usman is also missing?

-Give me the walkie-talkie. -Yes.

-Captain Qureshi, where are you? -Captain Raj.

Throw in the Queen.

It's like we're on a secret mission.

We came in sneakily.

Hey, you're cheating again!

Just because you're losing doesn't mean you have to start cheating.

I never cheat anyone. Even my enemy.

That's better.

And I haven't lost yet.

I still have a lot of tricks up my sleeve.

Tell me something, Captain.

What's the name of my lady?

Since when did she become your lady?

So?

Just look at her using the binoculars. And stay away, okay?

Look, Captain.

I swear on the name of Pakistan.

If I don't bring her to this side, my name is not Qureshi.

Well, she already left.

It's difficult. You won't be able to see her anymore!

She left?

-Sir, did you bring the stuff? -Give it to him, Khatri.

Usman!

It's just soda, sir.

Yes. That's what they say in Indian advertisements. Just soda? Idiot.

Sir, please bring us some betel leaves tomorrow.

We'll get it.

You're more concerned about your betel leaves.

My desires have drowned in water.

Speaking of water, it reminded me of something.

I feel like peeing a little.

Why a little? Relieve yourself completely.

By the way, do it on your side.

Yes, don't do it on their side.

It might flood their country.

Show me a glimpse baby, come show me

Show me a glimpse baby, come show me

Did you ask for me, sir?

Not me, but none other than India's Defense Minister called you.

Go there quickly before some other channel reaches there first.

Because we are fast. The rest are losers.

Wow! What a tagline! Am I right?

-Sir. -Sonam!

I...

-Should I go? -Take note of today's tagline.

We are speedy, the others are snails.

Hey, listen. Prepare a sensational report on the lndo-Pak Border infiltration.

The real infiltrator is one who can be recognized by none.

Hey, goatherd! Who are you?

I am the goatherd, sir.

What are you doing here?

I only brought my goat here to graze...

Okay.

My goat's name is Babu.

Your goat seems to have a pretty good appetite.

It nibbled all the grass of the desert.

You are right, sir.

But there's still some grass left.

By the way, who are you, brother?

You seem clever. Suddenly, you're calling me "brother".

It's very difficult to know who I am.

Can I at least ask for your name?

-Name? -Yes.

Name?

I'm Amitabh Bachchan.

Hey.

What are you trying to say, sir?

It's not just me. Even my goat is a fan of yours.

I have seen all your films.

Laal Badshah, Toofan, Indrajit, Sarabjeet.

-Shilajeet. -Shilajeet?

Hey! Which film is that? Even I haven't seen it.

No one else has seen it either.

Don't talk nonsense.

Goatherd, you talk a lot.

What's in your bag?

It's nothing.

It's just...

-This. -Goodness!

It's chocolate.

Yes, brother. The same one that you advertised on TV.

So, let's have something sweet.

For the beginning of our beautiful friendship.

Give me that.

Before his hungry goat eats this too. Have some.

You should all have some. Have something sweet.

My friends.

Hey! Babu!

-Did you eat any? -My friend.

Since you sell chocolates.

-What did you put in this? -Eat it.

Goatherd, what is in this?

You scoundrel. Shall I ask your mom...

I feel dizzy.

I feel dizzy too.

-How did my men faint? -I also feel dizzy.

-How did my men faint? -It's nothing.

Screw you.

My men have fallen.

-Where are you going with my weapons? -Move!

-May the desert scorpion bite you. -And may the desert snake bite you!

-Goodness, I feel dizzy. -You feel dizzy? Let me make a call.

Where are you going?

There is a message for Captain Rana.

Keep it there.

Can I come in, sir?

Come.

-Come on. -Let's go.

I hope the camera is not switched on.

I am quite afraid of these things.

Come, let's talk about work.

What I'm going to say now is very confidential.

You know, that infiltration is a serious matter.

And our neighbors are not giving it up.

We have information that after two days,

war is going to be declared on the border of India and Pakistan.

And our American spy has told us

that China is going to help Pakistan

so that they can strike a nuclear attack on us through them.

But there's no need to be afraid. We have America's full support.

So, I want you to come with me to the border, right now

and make up a report so that not only will our soldiers feel motivated,

but the entire country will feel a surge of patriotism.

Just with one twist.

After two days, you have to show this as a live broadcast on your channel.

After the war has been declared.

Well, who'd go there in the middle of a war?

You understand, right?

So, tell me, sir. What needs to be done?

I'll show you something.

I'll make you a new bomb. You can bomb India with it.

You will not need a switch or battery. You can bomb them quickly.

Sir, can you please repeat the dialogue in Punjabi?

MADE IN CHINA

Without China, how will you participate in a war?

Now, let me tell you our plan. Attack!

-Wow! -I want to tell you about the nuclear bomb

which we want to launch in India. Do you understand?

Applaud if you understand what I said.

We will destroy everything, not sparing any Indian city.

Now, applaud.

Wow! Marvelous!

-Chinese men are so smart. -Damn it. You got me killed!

Sir, such an important discussion is going on.

And you are playing video games.

Listen, sir. China is ready to deliver the nuclear bomb.

Now, tell me. What should we do about it?

-We'll keep it in a museum. -What?

-It's not going to work -Hey!

and I don't want to make it work.

We don't want to fight at all. What is this?

What is this fat guy blabbering about?

I can smell rebellion in your words.

Wow! You better not talk about smell.

Empty stomachs don't smell of roses, they only smell of gas.

And don't forget that this is Pakistan.

Here, generals don't take permission from ministers to rebel.

Do you understand?

Then tell me. What's the problem?

Problem?

The problem is the food for our soldiers.

Your lentil meat has neither lentil nor meat.

I swear, if anyone can find any of it, I'll give him half of Pakistan.

War is not fought on an empty stomach.

Nowadays, our soldiers are passing less of intelligence and more of gas.

Sir, this won't be tolerated here.

How come it won't be tolerated?

I will tell you what this is.

-This is not a way! -Hey!

-Hey! -If you fight right now,

who will fight at the border, idiots?

-Then tell him. -Hey!

From now on, we will provide you food too.

-Here you go. -Note down the order.

Chili chicken, chicken porridge,

Chicken Manchurian and chicken raita for the Pakistani army.

Soldiers!

Hey, everyone. Speak to me.

Now that you've received new uniforms, you won't listen to me.

Soldiers!

Hey, everyone. Speak to me.

Hey, sir.

-Where is Qureshi? -I don't know, sir.

Everyone, speak to me. Where is Qureshi?

Why is he riding the camel?

Greetings!

Greetings.

Greetings, sir!

Greetings are fine, but where were you, Captain Qureshi?

I went to arrange for water.

Hey, you moron! Why did you go arrange for water?

Two bottles of water are only enough for us to either drink or wash our shit.

After wiping with sand for such a long time, we've got rashes.

Take Hameed as an example.

He reeks so much that he can't sleep the whole night.

-Yes, sir. -Shut up.

Idiot.

At least, he is protecting the country by staying awake.

What do you mean by protecting, sir?

When people keep dogs for protection,

they at least feed them well.

Who cares about us? We've survived because of God's mercy.

What are you doing here? Go over there.

Goodness! What was I saying? Yes.

My soldiers!

It's said,

"If you want to swim, then swim in the ocean."

"What is the use of ponds?"

-Qureshi! -Sir! That's great.

"And If you want to love, then love me. What's the use of women?"

Sir!

What happened? Did I forget the verse?

-It's "Country." -I see.

"If you want to love, love your country. What's the use of women?"

All of you...

I mean, even me.

I mean, God has created all of us for the present.

By now, we have been born a thousand times, sir.

Qureshi, if you are to be born again, what do we have to lose?

We might not lose anything, sir. But our mothers will lose a lot.

Everyone, speak to me.

Yes. So, friends,

tomorrow, war will be declared.

Damn it! Again?

Again? What do you mean by "again?"

If there is a war, what do you have to lose?

So, soldiers,

the war...

Damn it! You've totally dampened my spirit.

Sir, he meant to say, if we keep on joining the war,

then our country will disappear from the map.

Discovery and National Geography will show programs like,

Yes, Ruth. Talk.

Sakshi, guess where I am right now.

Where? How would I know?

I am at the border, dear.

-Hail India, ma'am. -The border?

You're going to meet some handsome soldiers?

Yes, very handsome! Sit down.

-You are so lucky. -Hey, ma'am.

-Look at the time! -Just a minute.

Now that your dream has come true,

did you find a man of your dreams too?

Hello.

I am asking you. Tell me.

Hello, Ruth. Where did you go? Say something.

-You've started searching for him? -Yes and I'll find him.

Are you searching for something?

No. I...

Hi. I'm Captain Rajveer Singh Rana.

Ruth Dutta.

I'll call you "Ma'am".

By the way, besides you, nobody else knows about the minister's visit.

Our Defense Minister has a PhD in media management.

He's the one who brought us here.

And as the commanding officer, your safety is my top duty.

If you need anything in this dangerous place, please...

I don't need you. But the minister needs you.

-That's very good. -These are our watchtowers, sir.

-Ranjeet, come here. -Sir!

This is very good.

-Hail India, sir. -Hail India.

No problem.

Sir, is there any special reason for you to come to the desert all of a sudden?

Well, what did I tell you?

I feel so patriotic when I come here.

But what can I do?

I don't get much time from my work in Delhi.

So, I thought I'll come personally and see

what arrangements you have made for the safety of the border.

Sure, sir. Come, sir. This way, please. Come.

-Thanks. -Come, sir.

It won't look good from that angle. Come to the front.

Yes. Come.

That's better.

So that the photo of our country's brave soldiers

-is taken from the front. -Okay, sir.

There's no need for you to be afraid.

Sir? To be afraid...

I mean, if the enemy's soldiers take a wrong step,

then we are ready to give them a suitable response.

What wrong step, sir? They haven't taken any step.

I want to say that we are not afraid of anyone.

I have come to the border to show you that.

Whether bullets or cannons are fired at the border...

He is scaring them

-as if we're going to war tomorrow. -We won't go back.

-That's true. -Hail India.

Sir, this bunker goes very far.

-I see. -Yes.

Who is he?

What's the news, friend?

Sir, the infiltrators were trying to enter through Sawant.

I gave them some rockets to eat.

-Now, those assholes are sleeping. -Infiltrators? Assholes?

-What is he saying? -Sir, he is our spy.

He is an expert in stopping infiltrators coming through Sawant.

Sawant. I knew that. I was just saying that...

Hey!

What was that?

Sir, this is the border. Here, shooting starts anytime.

I see. I think I have gotten a lot of information.

Let's go. Come on.

I have to file that report too.

Look, do one thing.

Why don't you give me the tape. I'll send it to the channel.

You know how important it is to send this tape.

-Yadav. -Yes, sir.

Take the tape.

-Give me the tape. -Tape?

-Come on. -Sir, stop. Where are you going?

-Don't you want to see more? -Let's go. Hail India.

-Sir, listen. -I've seen enough...

Come on. Let's go.

-Hey. -You're still here?

You are very brave.

This is my first time at the border.

I will only go after I've covered everything.

There are many bachelors in our army.

It looks like you might have to cover that too.

Come on. Let's give these infiltrators a taste of Rajasthan's sand.

Hey!

Yes, that's what I said. It was a male goat.

But Abdul said it was a female goat.

Have you consumed opium? The Indian army is coming for you.

-Yes, sir. Enemy! -Escape from there!

Yes. Okay, sir.

Get up.

The enemy is coming. We'll be shot.

Hey!

They are running away!

Chase them to their homes.

Mr. Singh, how come the minister suddenly paid a visit?

Something seems fishy.

Why is it fishy? He can come anytime without a reason at all.

-Hail India, sir! -Hail India.

What do you think, Khatri? Relax.

Did the minister come for an outing?

Sir, they won't come out of their mothers' womb without a reason.

There must be more to it.

Hey, please come.

Everyone, fix your appearances.

Now that she is free from the minister, I think she wants to shoot film of us.

Come on, everyone! The madam wants to shoot a film of us.

Everybody, come here.

Everyone, make sure you look proper.

-And form a line quickly. -Yes, sir.

Finally, ma'am, record these young studs too.

Ma'am!

Shoot me in the film.

Shoot me in the film too.

Me too, ma'am.

Me too!

-Ma'am, take shots of us too. -Shoot us too.

Fine.

But I can shoot with this too.

Goodness! Lady Dynamite!

Don't worry. I won't miss my aim.

Wow!

You have a good sense of humor too.

-You heard that? -Yes, sir.

-Amazing! -Thank you.

Okay. Tell me, Captain Raj.

How did you find out that there is going to be a war?

I mean, when did you get the information?

There is no need for information.

If they throw a brick at us, we will throw a few stones at them.

So, the atmosphere must be tense at the border, right?

Yes. There is tension.

But you need to make an effort to lighten the tension.

I mean to say, do you want to see a tense situation?

-What? -Hold on.

-Lieutenant Khatri? -Yes, sir.

-She wants to see the tension. -No.

-Make an arrangement. -No.

-Okay, sir. -What is this?

No. It's okay. You came here from far away. You should experience it.

-Captain Raj, I was just... -Just two minutes.

-You can see how it is. -No.

There's no problem.

Khatri, hurry up.

Greetings, Qureshi!

Okay, Captain Qureshi!

Greetings to you too, Captain Raj!

So, what did you get for lunch today?

You'll kill us if you keep asking us the same question.

You don't even have to shoot us.

Tell me anyway.

Did you find anything in the lentil meat today?

Of course, we got some steamy sizzles in this lentil meat.

Why don't you bring your bowl and join us?

It's okay. Never mind. Your days will be better.

So today might be the day.

So, you've found a bride after all.

Captain Raj, I have told you so many times,

don't joke about my marriage and my future bride.

No offense to you.

It took so long for you to marry off your five sisters

that you've grown as old as their ages added together.

God still hasn't shown mercy.

Humor me some more, Captain Raj.

But remember one thing,

the day I find my lady,

your eyes will pop out.

Why are you scaring me?

Are you marrying a lady or a missile?

Before you find the lady, check your launchers.

It might misfire like your other launchers.

Don't worry, Captain Raj.

The launchers you are talking about were imported.

This launcher is 100 percent made in Pakistan.

Once it fires, it will surely make a blast.

Never mind. How is Commander Khan?

Why did you mention this moron during lunchtime?

He has a cold. So, he has gone to the doctor.

He must be coming. I have to go now. Bye.

Or else I won't have anything left to eat from this.

Okay, fine. Bye.

Do you think this is a free meal camp? You're asking like beggars.

I am very hungry, sir.

So, did you feel the tension?

You guys...

I mean, what a relationship.

Ma'am, war has its own place.

Whether this side or that side, there are humans everywhere.

It's the bond of humanity.

So, Captain Raj.

Do you think there should be war?

No. Especially not with them.

The poor guys are starving to death.

And suddenly we start shooting them?

I actually want to invite them over for supper one day.

Also, who gains anything from war?

Please, Mr. Shawn...

Don't deduct my commission, sir. My commission is fixed.

It's fixed.

Hey, Annu.

Come on.

I swear, he speaks such bad English. Hey!

What is he saying?

He wants an airbase in the Sindh province.

-An airbase in the Sindh province? -Yes.

Not just the airbase! Build a race course.

Not only the Sindh province.

-Make it the whole Pakistan... -What are you saying?

Sir, try to understand.

Do you want the same lentil meat for your whole life?

No. Carry on.

Excuse me, sir.

AIDS? No. Here, no one has AIDS.

-Two billion dollars in aid. -He is asking what you did

with the money he gave you recently.

Sir, you know the condition of the country.

Explain that to him.

See? He agreed.

He called you a beggar too.

Soldiers, madam wants to see how hard we work for our country.

Should we show her that?

Is everyone ready?

Good. Start the drill.

Put so much effort so we can hear the enemy tremble.

Qureshi.

Qureshi.

Qureshi, what are you doing?

Are you keeping a watch on the enemy or staring at women?

Sir, the enemy army is conducting a war drill.

Bill? What bill? What bill that has to be paid?

Sir, this one drill is very dangerous.

Very dangerous.

It'll tear things apart.

Why are you scaring us, Qureshi?

For your aunt's sake, tell me. What is so dangerous?

-Sir. -Yes.

-They're crawling under the fence. -Are you kidding me, Qureshi?

Where can I find fences at this time of the day?

Why don't we take it out of the flag?

What?

I mean wires.

That's nothing. Listen, I have some work to do.

-What is it, sir? -I will tell you. Come with me.

-Soldiers! -Yes, sir.

It's a very easy job.

You have to crawl under these wires until you reach there.

Sir, aren't the wires too low?

Go in first. Make an effort, you lazy bones.

Bend and crawl, idiot.

Bend your neck.

Martyrs of the country, you have no one.

But if you keep crawling like this,

one day, Pakistanis will eat chickpeas in Delhi.

Very good, my brave soldiers.

Sir, please keep in mind your limitations. We have limited resources.

Write my message on each grain.

Have mercy, sir.

-Sir. -If you have a pen,

write the word Pakistan on their coffin.

Man, he always has to talk about death and martyrdom.

Come on. Stand up.

What the hell is this?

So, how was it?

-That's true. -Sir!

No one would recognize us in these clothes, right?

But that goatherd recognized us.

Don't remind me about that scoundrel.

That idiot took our weapons.

Do you know how mortified I was?

I feel like crying when I think of it.

-If I meet him again, I won't let him go. -I will get

-We found him. -A car

Will be by my side

Hey, goatherd.

-Who are you? -Who are you?

My name is Surma Bhopali.

-Surma Bhopali! -Who are you?

But you don't seem like you're from Bhopal.

Who are you?

Now, you'll say you brought your goat to graze.

The other guy also brought his goat to graze.

Actually, it was a male goat.

You were standing behind the goat. What could you have possibly seen?

Yes. I saw a bell around his neck.

Don't talk nonsense. Check his bag.

Goodness. Why are you troubling yourselves?

I will do it myself.

-What is this? -It's eyeliner. It's applied on the eyes.

-Okay! -So, less grass and a goat.

-Is he the same scoundrel? -No.

It was a male goat. I swear.

Come on. Let's apply his eyeliner and see.

We will find out whether he is the same man or not.

Listen, apply the eyeliner on us.

Please bend over a little.

A Pathan never bows in front of anyone. Don't you know?

Stupid man.

Will you be a donkey for a while for me to climb up, sir?

Come on.

Hey!

How dare you ask a Pathan to be a donkey?

He won't be a donkey. He'll be a horse.

You can be anything you want. It's your wish.

My darling!

My sweetheart!

Hey.

What did you apply to our eyes, idiot?

-It's only eyeliner. -You scoundrel.

Forget about distant objects, I can't even see the close ones.

Tell me, you scoundrel. What did you apply on our eyes?

You applied some eyeliner and made me blind.

-Where are you going? -But

-Leave my weapons. Don't run away. -I can't see.

It's very nice.

Ma'am, isn't captain Raj amazing?

What do you mean?

I mean, his personality is very solid.

His personality is not that great.

He gave more attention to you than to the minister or the drill.

Shut up, Raj! I mean, shut up, Ranjeet.

Wow! Now, you see Raj in Ranjeet too.

Yes. He was also staring at you. Watch the footage.

-Watch this. -I told you to change the tape.

I already did.

But there were plenty of close-ups of Raj, ma'am.

Your eyes said

Your eyes said

Your eyes said

Your eyes said

Your eyes said

Your eyes said

I don't know what with the eyes

I can't sleep at night

At night

I often stay awake

I often stay awake

Goodness!

My God.

My God.

Will you just stop saying God's name and tell me what you are seeing?

-Marvelous! -I often stay awake

You have cast a big spell on me

Qureshi, this looks like a plan to destroy Pakistan.

Your eyes said

Your eyes said

"What do you like about me?"

Is what you asked me in the beginning

When I look at you, l feel lively

I replied after listening to it

Forget it Don't tell unbelievable tales

When did I say that?

-Don't tease me -This jaat is talking a lot.

That is my sweetheart. I loved her.

And now, you are flirting with her.

Now, stop it

You have cast a big spell on me

I often stay awake

I often stay awake

You have cast a big spell on me

He must have said something.

He is acting so smart.

I will show him.

And now there is no need to look for a woman too.

I see. So, you've found a woman?

Yes. I have.

But for once, I want...

I am a young blooded jaat Mad and insane

-What was that? -I see, Qureshi. So, you're doing this?

Come on, ma'am. It's time for us to give an answer.

-Answer? What answer? -Come on, ma'am. Come with me.

-Come on. -Hey!

I am a young blooded jaat Mad and insane

I am a young blooded jaat Mad and insane

Oh, Lord, I didn't realize such a small thing

That she loves me

And she is crazy about me

Hey!

She loves me

And she is crazy about me

Hey, Captain Qureshi. Since when did you become a jaat?

Yes, you do seem mad and insane.

And just understand one thing.

She doesn't love you.

She loves me. Do you understand?

Don't worry. I was just trying to shut him up.

Anyway, it's up to you.

Hey, Captain Raj. Why are you are getting so upset?

Why are you getting so emotional?

I just started an antakshari.

We've stopped at the letter H. Now sing a song that starts with the letter H.

Is that it, my friend?

Are you really that smart? Never mind.

Come on, everyone. We're playing antakshari.

Come on, everyone!

Now listen to a song that starts with the letter H.

The letter H.

Sir, sing your favorite song which starts with an H.

Yes, sing. Come on, sing the song.

Hey, God has made you

So beautiful

Hey, God has made you so beautiful

I feel like looking at you all the time

Hey, God has made you so beautiful

My heart doesn't agree with me I tried a lot of things to reason with it

I feel like looking at you all the time

Hey, God has made you so beautiful

Now, start something with a Y.

Goodness!

Hey, Captain Raj.

You're using Y again.

-Wait, I will think of one. -I...

-Where can we get songs starting with Y? -Sir, I know of one.

-Yes. -Then go ahead and sing.

This is a country of young and brave men

Country of amazing and incredible men

What more do we say about this country Hey!

What more can be said about friends?

It's like a jewel On the face of this world

Hey!

Hey!

Come on, we're at letter H again.

That's very good.

You sang a song that marks the greatness of our country.

We are very happy.

Hey!

Music and talent don't belong to any particular country or region.

It doesn't have any boundary and it doesn't belong to anyone.

The song you sang before this, isn't it by Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan?

Where is he from? He is from our country.

Wow, my friend. This is the first time you made sense.

One!

Hey, wait! Everyone, sing something.

Two!

-Hey, wait! -Three!

-Hey, think of something. -Four!

-Hey, I told you to wait. -Five!

Six!

Hey, my God

Please keep evils from my path

Hey, God Please accept my prayers

Hey, God, you are the one To keep us from evils

You are the first and the foremost God

Hey!

We will not just keep you from evil, we will keep your respect intact too.

-Please accept my invitation! -My God, this is great!

Even you will be amazed that one can be so loving towards another person.

Wow!

Hey, God, you are the one To keep us from evils

You are the first and the foremost God

You are the greatest God

You are the number one

Sing something that starts with R.

No, Y!

Y?

Hey, Captain Raj!

-You're cheating. -Yes, he is right.

It stopped on R. Where did Y come from?

Hey, if you don't know a song starting with Y

then accept the fact that you have lost.

Hey, I don't accept defeat. Not even from my father.

We'll sing.

Sing something that starts with Y. Sing.

One!

-Hey, what is this? Sing a song. -I don't remember any song.

Two!

Count slowly.

Three!

-Hey, Farookh! Think of something. -I can't think of anything.

Four!

Five!

Hey, you are counting too fast. Count slowly.

-Six! -Come on, think of something, idiots.

Seven!

Eight!

Nine!

-Sir, I know of a song. Can I sing it? -Yes, go ahead and sing it.

Nine!

Nine!

-Sing! -I hope there's no problem.

There wouldn't be any problem. Sing it.

This world

Is a bride

This world is a bride A bride

And this bride's vermilion

Is my India

Yes!

-Hey! Praise Mother India! -Hail India!

I love my India

I love my India

You finally realized it and said it out loud.

I love my India!

I love my India

Hey, shut up! Stop singing this song!

You are singing that you love India. You're Chaubakistan's...

"I love my India."

Couldn't you think of anything else?

You said it yourself, sir. Music is music.

It doesn't belong to any country or region.

So what if I said that?

Couldn't you sing "I love my Pakistan" instead of "I love my India!"

But it wouldn't have rhymed, sir.

Why are you concerned about making it rhyme? Were you born as a poet?

Are you on their side or ours? Tell me.

For the last 32 years, I'm still looking for this answer, sir.

My maternal family is in India while my paternal family is here in Pakistan.

And I am hanging out in a no man's land.

You tell me, sir. Which side should I be on?

It was too much today. They said "I love my India."

But it was fun, sir. It was a fun moment.

Yes.

Tell me something, Captain Raj.

Do you want the war to happen at all?

Ma'am, why are you going on talking about the war? Why?

Whatever it is, who are we to decide?

You can do anything you wish for.

Yes, we can do anything. There is just one thing we cannot do.

What is that?

We cannot stop you from leaving.

By the way, Raj,

today, after watching the antakshari,

I felt that all of you know how to enjoy the tension as well.

By the way, I think we must leave now.

Okay.

Raj, I have an important thing to say to you.

Yes. Tell me, what is it?

Do you know why the minister came today?

We have information that after two days,

war is going to be declared

-on the border of India and Pakistan. -The day after tomorrow?

China is going to help Pakistan

so that they can strike a nuclear attack on us through them.

But today, after seeing everything,

I don't think there should be any war.

Ma'am, the war hasn't even started yet. Why are you stressing out?

Come.

This is not about getting stressed out, Raj.

This is about two countries that used to be one.

In order to make others' motives successful,

we are bringing danger upon ourselves.

You should stop this war.

Ruth, I am a captain. Not the prime minister.

If it was up to me, I would have stopped it for sure.

Whatever it is, our job is to carry out their orders. At all costs.

And my soldiers and I know our job very well.

You are talking as if the war has started.

Don't worry. Nothing is going to happen.

There will be a solution soon.

I will come and meet you if I'm still alive.

Hi, this is RJ Maddy. Now, you are going to listen

to my favorite patriotic song which is dedicated to everyone,

especially the army.

The Earth is shining and gleaming

There is beauty all around In the surrounding

The Earth is shining and gleaming

There is beauty all around In the surrounding

The cuckoo is singing beautifully And the peacock is dancing

There are waterfalls everywhere

And rivers are flowing away In severe gusts

When the breeze rustles away Buds start blooming

The fields are golden

The fields are golden

And the harvest looks silver

My country is great

My country is great

My country is great

My country is great

When our flag, the Tricolor, flies away

In the pride of being an Indian

We stand with our heads held high With pride

And our chest becomes broad Filled with pride

When our country calls out for us We will sacrifice our lives for it

Khatri.

Ruth has told me that war is going to be declared the day after tomorrow.

-I think we should check it. -Okay, sir.

-Bring that thing. -Okay, sir.

We'll die for it

The fields have a golden color

Make a U-turn.

Ma'am, a war is going to happen.

We'll be stuck here.

The whole country is stuck.

Now is the time to get it out of this mess.

Suresh, make a U-turn.

My country is great

Our country is really great

My country is great

Our country is really great

My country is great

Our country is really great

My country is great

Our country is really great

My country is great

Our country is really great

My country is great

Our country is really great

My country is great

Our country is really great

My country is great

Our country is really great

Hey, ma'am. You came back?

Where is Captain Raj?

Now, India got information from somewhere

that we want to strike them through you.

But don't worry. We have changed the plan.

The nuclear bomb will be launched tomorrow morning.

Now, clap your hands.

Hey, sir.

Sir!

Sir, please be done with it and come out.

This Chinese has gone mad.

Hey, let me do this peacefully.

-I can't come out right now. -There is no tension.

I mean, whatever you have to do tomorrow, do it today.

So, today's job will be done right now.

-You mean the attack will be done today? -Yes, sir. You're right.

God knows how those people found their true love.

Hey, he is saying he wants to attack them today.

You expect me to declare war from this toilet seat? I can't come out now.

You're disgusting.

Come out now.

Hey, I am trying!

Who can predict them? They might launch the bomb right now.

Just assume that we've declared the war.

According to our sources, infiltrations from the Pakistan border

have increased. The Indian army is on high alert.

Keeping all these things in mind...

For that peace and harmony treaty.

I see. Ask him.

Once again, the relationship between India and Pakistan has strained.

Hey, the girl from India has sent a message.

She wrote that the war is about to start.

-Tell her it is the same here as well. -It seems like...

Guys, what do you think about this?

Is this the right time for a war? Wars are useless.

Let go of war, guys.

Sir, have you contacted the border?

Slowly. Don't worry. I am trying.

Make it fast.

A guy on a bicycle would have delivered the message by now.

So, why don't you do it? Send someone on a bicycle.

-What? -Should I play my game...

Hey! No, sir.

-This is too much... -Please calm down.

Hey, fool.

Can't you see I'm dying of malaria? Please pick up the phone, man.

He went to pee, I guess.

Idiot! Hey, the phone.

-There you are. -What?

You're sleeping right here?

Hello. Speak to me.

Yes, I'm speaking. This is the general.

-No! What the hell? -Yes. Okay.

It is okay up until there.

-Listen to me carefully. -Yes.

The bomb will be fired today.

Yes. Which one?

Hey, what do you mean? Do you have 150 bombs with you?

There is only one bomb for each country. The job has to be done by today.

-What? By today? -Yes. By today.

-Meaning right away? -Yes, right away.

Hello, are you the general?

This is the general here. One minute. You can ask him.

-Who is speaking? -Hey, the general is speaking.

Did you hear that?

I thought it was a wrong number.

I often get calls from wrong numbers. Do I launch the bomb?

The attack has to be done by today. Okay?

-Right now? -Right now. Over and out.

-Yes. -Yes. Make it quick.

You were great.

-I wish you a happy Eid. -Happy Eid to you too.

Come quickly. Soldiers!

Come on, now is the time to write history.

-What happened, sir? -Listen to me carefully.

The bomb needs to be launched. Where are Qureshi and the others?

-Sir, they must be sleeping in the tents. -Sleeping?

What kind of soldiers are they? Still sleeping?

-Go tell them that I called. -Yes.

The bomb has to be fired.

We have found out from our reliable sources

that there is a lot of tension at the border.

Hey, throw the Queen here.

One minute. Let me check.

I think they are near the border.

Shall we go?

-Everyone, come here. -Reporting, sir!

Have you seen Captain Qureshi?

If I don't bring her to this side, my name is not Qureshi.

Well, she already left.

-Don't talk about leaving today... -Sir.

-What? -I couldn't find Captain Qureshi anywhere.

-When will you find him? -I have woken them up twice.

-But they are not waking up. -Kick their ass and force them!

Or just put the bomb on them. They'll be awake after the explosion.

I feel like peeing a little.

Okay, tell me something, Captain Qureshi.

Is there any information on your side?

-Is there information on your side? -Yes, there is.

I heard that a war is going to be declared the day after tomorrow.

This is great.

We're ahead of you then.

We've been informed that it is going to be declared tomorrow.

Hey, at least throw this underwear away from the launcher first.

Now, light it up.

Listen to this, Khatri. It's hilarious.

Our information is that the war is going to be declared the day after tomorrow.

But they have information that the war is going to be declared tomorrow.

Now, let's see whose information is correct.

Hey!

My goodness.

Please turn off.

My tank is empty. I've finished all I had.

Sir!

-Hey, Khatri! -Hey!

Hey, Khatri!

Sir, neither of our information is correct.

The war has already been declared. Run!

Take it! Take that thing!

Hey, fool. Not the bottle. Take the rifle.

-Are you all right? -Yes. I am fine, sir.

Qureshi, we'll leave this game here!

-Leave it. Come on. -We'll continue it later.

Only if you're still alive.

Hey, Surendar.

They are throwing stones at us. We should throw boulders at them!

Okay, sir.

Everyone, stand in your position around the bunker.

Yes, sir!

-Move! -Come on!

-Run quickly. -Help!

-Run quickly. -Help!

-Run quickly. -Help!

-Come on. -Come on.

Is this a joke?

They are throwing bombs without informing us.

What is this, man?

Why are you scared, running here and there?

Everyone, speak to me.

-What is this? -Hey, run!

Hey, Bhutto!

There is milk on the heater, Bhutto. Come on, run.

Wait, where are you all going?

Come on, run fast. Keep moving.

What are you doing here?

Why did you come back here?

Scoundrels, are you really soldiers if you stay inside a tent all frightened?

What are you doing here? Should I give you bowls?

It's like you are in a refugee camp! You only need the bowls.

Now, get up and take positions in the bunker.

Qureshi, eat something. How are you going to fight on an empty stomach?

Let's eat some bullets, sir. Shall we go?

Come on, make it fast.

Hello? Hello, sir. This is Ruth.

Yes, Ruth, tell me.

I know. These ministers are all the same.

No, sir. Instead of starting a day after tomorrow, the war started today.

My camera? It is with me, sir.

Live, sir? But...

Forget about the uncertainties. Just go live.

Connect it now. Quickly.

Ma'am, if we broadcast this live, my villagers will watch me die on live TV.

And if we don't listen to him,

your family wouldn't be able to see you for the last time.

Your body will be sent straight to your village. How's that?

-Go! Come on, make it fast. -Okay, ma'am!

Ruth, what's happening?

Ranjit! Come here. Connect this.

-Sir, we're going live. -Ma'am, what are you doing?

-Switch off your phone. -One minute. Come on.

-Close in on that soldier. -Yes, sir.

Hey, ma'am. What are you doing? Just switch off your phone.

-Two minutes, Raj. Two minutes. -Don't switch off your phone, Ruth!

Get up from there. What are you doing?

They're tracing the signals and they'll send the bomb right on the target.

-Hey, take a close-up of the bomb. -Yes.

-Sir, actually, that... -Why isn't the bomb exploding?

-Actually, that... -Switch off the phone.

-It is not exploding. -Just switch it off.

Even the phone got disconnected. Send the anchor in.

"We will always put our lives at stake for you."

Who can be a better example of this saying other than Ruth Dutta,

our brave reporter who was broadcasting live from the border?

That's when this bomb fell right in front of her.

Look at this.

Ruth is a brave girl.

She's broadcasting there until now.

Now, we have to see whether this bomb is going to explode.

Tell us if you think the bomb is going to explode or not.

Type your answers right now and send it to us at 348780.

Raj, what are you doing?

Ma'am, this is worse than a diwali cracker.

Why did you pick it up?

Don't worry.

This won't explode.

Look at this. It's made in China.

Do something.

The winner of the question we asked before the break

is Nandkuram Mithomal Khedachand Gangu Ramani.

He said that the bomb will explode.

-And look at this. -Yes!

At last, the bomb did explode.

The brave reporter of our channel, Ruth Dutta, is no longer in danger.

Her bravery is made for everyone to see.

Forgive me. I mean, it was seen by everyone.

It seems like the connection with the location is breaking.

Once again, let us show you what happened.

AND THE BOMB EXPLODED

Not only once, but it feels like this bomb is exploding

again and again.

-Hey, Nikki. -Yes?

Ask your Pakistani friends.

And at the same time, if you have to talk about the opinions of Pakistanis,

even the Pakistanis said...

Hey, that girl in India said something about the war.

They're saying that Pakistan started the war.

Pakistan?

Over here, they said that India started the war.

Tell her that.

Hey, India is blaming Pakistan and Pakistan is blaming India.

It seems like someone is really determined to create problems.

We have been fighting each other for the last 65 years.

The war has begun.

And hail Afghanistan!

Pakistan is on this side and India is on that side.

Goodness. I've made a mistake.

Pakistan is on this side and India is on that side.

This side? Then I will shoot this way. Yes.

-Sir? -Yes?

Pakistan is on this side and India is on that side.

Hey!

Don't talk rubbish.

Earlier, you got me confused between a female and male goat.

Now, you are making me confused between India and Pakistan.

Should I ask your mom where India is?

What a fool you are.

I will tell you which is which.

Take a look.

Afghanistan is here.

Doha supports Afghanistan.

-That's where your uncle is staying. -Yes, sir.

Turkmenistan is above that.

To its side is Uzbekistan.

-That's where your aunt is staying. -Yes, brother.

In front of that is Kazakhstan.

Russia is below Kazakhstan.

-Below Russia is China. -Yes.

Under that, Bay of Bengal.

And under that, Sri Lanka.

And above that, my friend, is India.

-Yes. -India is on this side.

Yes, indeed.

I just made a fool out of you.

I was just testing you.

India is not this side, fools. It is on this side.

Here comes my missile.

Hey, Captain Raj. I am Commander Khan.

Damn it!

Someone fired a missile to our side.

Sir, I feel as if

someone has gotten crazy after not having meat for so long.

He is rebelling by firing a missile to our side, sir.

-Let me see who this scoundrel is... -One minute.

First, let's first talk to the ones in front of us.

If they fire a bomb, we will be picking our pieces of flesh, sir.

You're right.

Hey, Captain Raj!

Hey, you can cough it out first.

And keep coughing in peace.

Hopefully, your intestines won't come out when you cough.

Did you hear that? He is cursing at me.

Hey, I will take your intestines out.

-Speak to me. -Hey, sir. Control yourself.

If you'll be satisfied simply by talking

-then go ahead and talk. -Control yourself, sir.

Your heart will be relieved.

-You talk to them. Don't use my name. -Okay, sir.

-Hey... -And if you have to talk,

have cough syrup before coming here.

-Tell him that I've had it. -He already had cough syrup.

I see. Hey, Qureshi!

I am talking about cough syrup, not country liquor.

-Hey, rude... -Listen to what he's saying. Nonsense.

Maybe Khan has become so old that even the syrup is not effective.

Hey, your dad is old!

I am still young.

Listen to this!

I will have breakfast in Jaipur, lunch in Jodhpur

and dinner in Delhi. And I'll have ice-cream in Patna. Tell him that.

-Sir? -What happened?

Patna?

No one should go to Patna, sir.

I have heard that people there are really bad and the places they visit

become as bad as their province, Bihar.

-Sir, please cancel the Patna. -You talk to him. Don't use my name.

So, the ice-cream program in Patna is canceled.

Everything until Delhi is okay.

Actually, we have stomachaches because of our country's food.

Why are you telling them this? Hey, you should tell us the menu.

Tell us the menu.

Hey, have you come for the wedding reception of Sania?

Forget about the menu, have this bullet instead.

You're rude!

Up until now, you were talking about cough syrups.

Where did this bullet come from?

Don't think that I missed the target.

Actually, we don't attack sick people.

That's why my bullet passed by Khan's ear.

Now, accept our commands. Otherwise, next time, my target would be you.

How good is the situation there?

They are firing dozens of bullets every second.

And look at us! We were provided with limited bullets.

We won't stand a chance from this location.

Let's shift to a different location.

But I don't understand. Why are they firing so frequently?

Film me now.

And show it to the entire country.

How one Indian soldier becomes ten soldiers.

Are they firing bullets or throwing them away?

Damn it.

After giving us useless horses, they are asking us to win the race.

So, what should we do now?

I told you, China made weapons will get us in trouble.

Now, tell your soldiers to operate the weapons.

I can operate the weapons, but...

I wouldn't be able to see anything.

To hell with this! Hey, Bhutto!

It's a bomb. It has to be launched to their side.

-What are you doing? Make it fast. -Now, hold it in their direction...

-Don't speak loudly! They'll hear us. -Now, turn it towards them and release it!

Damn it! It fell right here. Run!

-It's going to explode. Run! -Mom!

Soldiers.

Keep on firing.

-Make sure no one can move forward. -Sir, we've been shooting constantly.

But they are hiding.

Really? Is that so?

Come here, ma'am.

I will take you to meet our X-man.

Who is your X-man?

-Hey, X-man? -Yes, sir.

These Pakistanis are hiding inside their bunkers.

-Yes. -How can we trace them?

Sir, in that case, please order some chicken!

Chicken? You've eaten, right?

Sir, look at this. This is a tracker chip.

Pakistani soldiers will come out from their bunkers for anything.

We will target and shoot them like...

Take a look at it yourself.

-Really? Mr. Subedar? Get the chickens. -Yes, sir?

They have to be alive.

Now, look at the tracker's efficiency.

-Keep watching, sir. -Let them come out!

How all of them will come out from their bunkers seeing these chickens.

We are lucky to see the chickens after so long.

Hey, keep the fire burning. Today, I will cook you roasted chicken.

Look, here comes a Pakistani.

I won't let you go.

-Get them. -Come on, get them.

-Get them. -Come on, get them.

These red dots are our chickens and green dots are Pakistani soldiers.

Wow, they really came out.

-Get them. -Come on, get them.

God, you have heard our prayers after a long time.

Sir, so many of them came out of their hiding.

-Sir, we should attack them now. -No. Wait a little longer.

-Get them. -Come on, get them.

The last time I had chicken was at my wedding reception.

Hey, beggars! Leave the chickens.

Come back inside the bunkers.

Let him eat, sir. The poor person is hungry.

Idiot!

What happened, sir?

Sir, where is the chicken?

Idiots! They are chickens from the Indian soldiers. It's their new trap.

Qureshi, these are Pakistanis' chickens. Take a look.

They are wearing amulets around their necks, dear.

My eyes won't betray me.

-Amulets? -Yes!

All of you are morons!

These are not amulets. These must be transmitters.

Qureshi, you will die. Don't go there.

Come back here, idiots!

-Leave them. -Sir, they are leaving. Let's shoot them.

-No, wait! -Sir, look, they are leaving.

Hey, fools! Leave the chickens! Come back to the bunkers!

-No, wait! -Sir, look, they are leaving!

Wait!

You will kill us, fools!

-Don't come between me and chicken! -Shut up, idiot!

Sir, look, they are all gone.

I am also hungry. Even l feel like having roasted chicken!

But first, you have to understand the enemy's trick!

Now, you can fire.

This one is quite meaty. Everyone will get to eat some.

But after the war. Wait here! I will be back.

We will win the war indeed.

Our soldiers on the border are also a part of our people.

We will be victors for sure.

Our country's safety...

At this age, he must be taking Viagra.

-It's not Viagra! -We must encourage them.

You're stupid.

There is so much tension at the border.

And he went there all alone?

Ask your friend from India.

We are not scared of anyone.

Taufiq is saying that their minister visited the border amidst all the tension.

It's the same thing happening here as well.

It's all about voting, man!

Those are only political strategies. He must've gone there earlier to record it.

You're right. They don't leave their house without a reason.

And he will go to the border?

All of this is rubbish. This must be a drama or whatever.

I will stay here at the border

until my soldiers are back home.

Thank you and may God bless you.

You acted so well.

Sir, was everything fine?

Sir, the public wouldn't even know that this was shot in the studio.

Take a look at the footage.

It came out as if it was really broadcasted live.

Did you see the talent of our brave soldiers?

They went after the chickens so passionately.

But sir, they have gone into hiding once again.

Now, take a look at how we'll get them out of their bunkers.

Listen.

Before I call them out, take your respective positions.

-Okay? -Yes, sir.

Shoaib Ali, report!

Present, sir!

Goodness, it was them who called.

God saved me...

Shah Rukh Khan, report!

Present, sir.

Why did you stand up?

Sir, you gave the command.

I called out the Shah Rukh Khan on their side.

Sir, the name Shah Rukh is common for both sides.

Especially when it comes from the Hindi films.

Goodness, take your position. Come on.

-Keep sitting. -No one can get up. Idiot.

Because of you fools, Pakistani army's name is ruined.

Don't be surprised. I am here now.

Dear, God. Give me the strength.

Sachin Tendulkar, report!

Sachin Tendulkar, report!

I see. So, he's trying to trick us with our own plan?

Sir! What are you doing?

-What happened? -There's only one Sachin Tendulkar.

And he is on the Indian cricket team. How can you call him here?

I see. I've made a mistake. I will try once more.

Sachin Tendulkar, report!

You sons of bitches, I told you not to stand up.

Sir, we stood up to see Sachin Tendulkar.

"I stood up..."

You idiots have a problem in your brains.

Out of all the times for you to stand up.

No one will stand up now!

Listen, what is his name? Read it.

-Rajvir Singh Rana. -Rajvir Singh?

Rajvir Singh Rana, report!

Hey, Rajvir Singh Rana!

I will show him how it works.

When a jaat is hit, he is hit hard.

You are amazing.

Who called for Rajvir Singh Rana?

Stand up and show me your face.

Okay, I will.

It is me who called for him. Speak to me...

Hey, sir.

Did they just shoot me?

You're the one who let them, sir.

-Really? -Sir, sit down, someone else shoots.

Why are you scolding me?

Our neighbor country is intelligent, sir.

Understand? They could have made you look like an idiot.

You're pretending to be intelligent aren't you?

What a rude way to talk to me. I have treated you like my own son.

-And now you... -Even I've treated you like my own dad!

This is the limit of ungratefulness.

I am Satyendrapal Singh Gasona. And you are?

I think he has a weak memory.

Give him some "Memory Plus."

He's asking for my name.

Forget this. Now, listen to me.

I've received news that a goatherd

stopped our brave infiltrators from infiltrating.

So, I've made arrangements for them.

He's right.

-Do you have chocolates? -No.

-Eyeliners? -No.

Do you always say "Let's have some sweet" before offering anything?

It's always bitter at the beginning for us.

-And the spying goat? -It's Pure Rawalpindi.

-Sir... -Don't say that it's a male goat.

-Tell me, what are your arrangements? -Yes.

A map for you. It will take you directly to Jodhpur.

My rulers have sent it to you.

Wonderful.

Now, hurry up, you both. Make it fast.

And meet me with your entire force in Jodhpur.

Do you understand?

-Bye. -Bye.

Sorry. Bye.

He made a mistake. He didn't know because he's a fool.

May God be with you.

I think we should just stay here. Let them fire.

The more we fire, the more it backfires.

I will do it.

When you have no one else, you have China.

Fucol!

Fucol 69?

-Yes. -No, sir.

How can we use Fucol 69?

After two days, when the war should have begun,

a Chinese engineer was supposed to show us how to use it.

How are we supposed to use it?

Then who will? Are you giving up on me?

-I... -Bhutto!

No. Why Bhutto? You're smarter than him.

You will do it.

Now, lift it. Everyone has lost their minds, let's lose our lives too.

You're covering Commander Khan.

Idiot, you're always turning off my lights.

-Lift it up! -Lift it up.

Wonderful.

-Another box. Lift it up. -Lift it up.

Wonderful.

Sir, I think the Chinese are very fond of packaging.

There it is.

-It looks like a toy. -What a discouragement.

Sir, Fucol 69? This...

There's a booklet in here. Look at its content.

Heat sensing device.

It senses the body heat from the soldiers and their guns

and targets them.

What is this?

Sir, I think it's a remote control.

You got it. Good job, man.

-Should I press the button? -Don't delay anymore. Press it.

Sir, be careful.

Move aside. It could be dangerous.

Move aside?

Qureshi.

He's the one who has kept you in captivity.

-Freedom. -It senses the heat, not the command!

What the...

I told you that it can be dangerous.

We shouldn't take weapons tagged "Made in China".

I'm a good person.

I told you not to take this thing out.

Now, you handle it.

Don't speak, we're speaking in English. Hey, Bhutto!

I don't want to play. I don't want to play this game.

-Tell it, Qureshi. -It's not working, sir.

The remote control is out of control.

Where are you going?

Sir, we understand that this thing senses heat from the soldiers.

But how will Fucol 69 differentiate

between an Indian soldier and a Pakistani soldier?

Bhutto, what is this?

This...

Hey, Chinese toy. Now, see what a Pakistani can do.

Sir, what to do now?

Goodness!

-Sir... -Soldiers!

Someone is calling me!

That is made in China.

It doesn't understand Urdu.

Soldiers, I think the enemy has bought a new weapon.

Pure made in China, the bomb has been delivered to you.

Blast it now, since the war has begun.

So, what are you waiting for?

Before the Indian army prepare themselves, let's have a nuclear war.

-Then, let's blast it here. -No.

Try to explain to him. What is he talking about?

Sir, look. It'll take some time to deliver it to the border.

You don't take me too seriously.

But let me tell you one thing, I am not that stupid.

Come and see my arrangements.

Here you go!

Sir, I think, I've heard this name before.

You've forgotten about this.

-What is this? -Oh, yes!

-Wonderful. -Let's go.

You know, in one episode since morning,

I've seen everything.

Friendship, love, and jokes.

-But there is one problem. -What is that, ma'am?

-How should we try to end this episode? -It'll be an unsuccessful attempt.

-Why? Have we tried yet? -No.

Then, how can it be unsuccessful?

Tonight, we'll have to stop this war.

The armies of both countries will be here in the morning.

By then, it'll be impossible.

Listen, to win we need to defuse the mines.

I am going to cross the border.

Cover me.

Who are you looking for?

Catch him.

He's a Khatri too.

I am Sahil Khatri.

-Which Khatri are you? -Kabir Khatri.

So, Kabir Khatri?

Where are you from?

I'm from Sind.

My forefathers were from Sind.

Now, participating in the war will be fun.

-Which part of Sind are you from? -Pathan Gali.

Even my forefather was from Pathan Gali.

Participating in this war will be fun now.

Where in Pathan Gali?

My address is 8/10, Khatru-Alam Villa.

Participating in this war will be even more fun...

Goodness.

Khatru-Alam Vila?

Didn't you say that your forefather had a retail shop?

Yes, he did. Why?

Participating in this war won't be fun anymore.

Both of them are brothers.

Whether we have fun or not,

our country is above everything, be it parents

siblings or girlfriend!!

No one is greater than my country.

-Khatri? -Sir!

Take your position in bunker 12.

Sir, I'll fight at the forward post.

But, sir...

Khatri!

It's incredible, right, Raj?

Two brothers, at the battlefield, pointing guns at each other!

And whoever kills first will get a medal.

-Right, Ranjeet? -Of course!

What fun!

One brother kills another brother.

And you're enjoying it?

This isn't two neighbors fighting

where the others can gather around and have fun.

You're enjoying it.

Then stop it.

Stop this war.

Ma'am, you're a reporter.

Your job is to report.

That doesn't stop the war.

Then, either we kill them, or let them finish us.

Then will this war stop?

Ma'am, you're rebuking at me, as if I was the one who declared the war.

-This is our superiors' order. -Superiors?

And what if your superiors

get an order from their superiors, then what?

We won't take a second to stop the war.

Then it is possible.

You just have to help me.

I'm ready to help you for the rest of my life.

-Just send me across the border. -What?

Across the border?

It's not that easy.

But it's not that difficult either.

-Please try to contact Qureshi. -Yes!

Will everything be okay?

You're really amazing.

One moment, you're brave and suddenly...

I don't know what will happen.

To get you across the border, we need to stop the shooting.

-Hence, this is important. -Sir!

Greetings, sir!

Is everything fine?

-What happened? -Please go outside, sir!

Get up! You're really useless.

Hey, Qureshi!

-Sir, why aren't you answering? -Qureshi!

Hey, Qureshi! Where are you?

-Friendship and war have their own place. -Hey, Qureshi!

But when it comes to manner, I can't tolerate it.

Hey, Officer Qureshi!

Hey, Captain Qureshi!

Our respect is in our own hands.

Speak, Captain Raj.

Your wish will be fulfilled.

The madam wants to get across the border so she can report on calling a truce.

Goodness! That's good news!

She's coming back for me.

Yes.

I mean, that's good.

We want peace too.

And listen.

We're sending your soldier, Kabir Khatri along.

You just need to take care of Commander Khan.

Do one thing.

Bring the reporter to Sherlyn.

And then send Khatri to Sawant.

I will handle Commander Khan.

Okay.

What did you say her name was?

Madam Ruth Dutta.

Goodness.

Madam Ruth.

Okay, send her soon.

Okay, we're leaving now.

You just need to handle Qureshi. He's looking for a bride.

Ruth is coming!

You better be obedient.

-Okay! -Bring the table and chair.

And make an arrangement for tea and snacks. Understand?

You all wait here.

-Ranjeet, you wait here too. -Okay, sir!

-Me and Ruth will go ahead. -Yes, sir!

Come.

Sir, we'll have to stop firing for a while.

But we weren't even firing.

Sir, we have to stop whatever we're firing.

You've been bribed, right? You've been bribed.

Sir, you're always cracking jokes. That's why no one respects you.

What do you mean?

I mean Kabir Khatri is stuck on the Indian border.

He said that he is trying to come back here,

but to do that, we need to stop firing, sir.

One thing for you to do, sir, is go to Sawant and receive him.

-Come. -Let's go.

Hold on.

Who's the senior?

-Sir, it's not about seniority! -Speak to me.

He only trusts your bravery.

Liar.

Sir, you will rot in hell if I am lying.

-Come! -Let's go.

Soldiers, hold your fire.

There's a ruckus here

The entire world will see it

Where will they go tonight

I think they'll cut the border wires

Let's forsake war

War is bullshit

Why is everyone so willing

Try to understand

Let's forsake war

War is bullshit

Why is everyone so willing

Try to understand

Everyone called out from the heart

Let's do as we please

War at a moment And friends for the next life

Don't think it's a child's play

It becomes a problem for everyone

It affects everyone

Let's forsake war

War is bullshit

Why is everyone so willing

Try to understand

Let's forsake war

War is bullshit

Why is everyone so willing

Try to understand

Ma'am.

I just wanted to say something.

Just one thing.

Yes?

Actually...

Thank you very much!

For what?

You saved my pride, in front of my team.

In a fit of emotion, I swore to bring you to our side.

And you fulfilled my wish.

By the way, I should thank you too.

You had said, "Ma'am, we'll always honor you."

Yes.

And you did.

Shall we go?

Thank you, ma'am!

-Thank you. -Bye.

See you, Captain Qureshi.

-Yes, sir! -Come!

Captain Raj, I want to say something.

Actually...

Captain Raj, I was saying...

It's a complicated matter.

I had a talk with ma'am and came to the understanding

that the madam loves you, not me.

This hug doesn't mean that I'll let you off easy.

Understand? Get ready.

I was born ready.

May God be with you.

I want to tell my Indian brothers,

that we started this war.

It's our fault.

Please forgive your younger brother.

After all, we are Indians!

If they don't fire, we won't fire.

Sir, isn't this a fake video?

I believe they are planning something in secret.

No, their tears showed their honesty.

I've seen and heard them.

Look, everyone. This is true.

We trusted them every time. Let's trust them once more.

Okay, sir. They've stopped firing anyway.

Sir!

We've been betrayed.

Something is happening at the back.

I think, the Pakistani army is trying to infiltrate from the back.

-Everyone, take your positions, quickly. -Yes, sir!

-Surendar? Give me my gun. -Yes, sir!

Hey.

So, it's you.

Our goatherd did tell us about you.

Was the map correct?

By the way, where are you coming from?

I asked where are you coming from?

Jodhpur.

Goatherd.

Chocolate.

Infiltration.

That goat.

No, boy. You've been made a fool.

-Sir! -Sir!

Welcome! Welcome, you two!

Now, all of you will kneel. Come on.

When will you learn?

Sometimes you infiltrate the neighbors, sometimes you infiltrate our area.

And that's why you couldn't stop the infiltration in your own country.

Sir, we're helpless.

Goodness.

-I didn't take the gun for Islam. -There he goes again.

I did it for my family.

No infiltrator is born this way.

-The world makes him one. -Take him away before any director

-spots him. -The people make him one.

A real infiltrator can't be recognized by anyone.

But you recognized me because you're not an infiltrator.

-I'm a better infiltrator. -You've done it right.

What is it?

Two hearts are uniting here and they are scaling our walls.

Honestly, if we get the orders to stop this war,

I would invite my Pakistani brothers over dinner.

They've had enough of eating lentil and meat.

But how do we stop this war?

Leave that to me.

The country has seen enough fake breaking news.

Now, we'll show them the real exclusive news.

I just need some time.

You will have to wait until the next morning.

Dutta the warrior.

Move fast. We have to deliver the bomb to the border immediately.

Come on.

What seemed like a dream

Has finally turned into reality today

What seemed like a dream

Has finally turned into reality today

The hope that was alive in my heart

Will finally show its colors tomorrow

Everyone believes

The dawn will come

Everyone believes

The dawn will come

We are a storm

We know what we're capable of

In any direction we march

We find a new route

According to our sources, this border battle

-between India and Pakistan -In this situation,

-can turn into a full-blown war. -anything is possible.

Hello, here are the headlines.

Home Ministry has issued orders to all three forces.

We can still hear the bullets being fired.

And assumptions have been made...

And why did the live feed stop?

-Sir, there was a technical problem. -Is everything okay now?

-Sir, I'm going to send exclusive news. -Okay.

And the entire country will be shaken by it.

Just one thing.

You have to telecast it live.

Sure. Such news will definitely be shown live.

Okay, sir. Remember, don't edit it.

Listen, everyone. There's live news from the border.

Hello. I am Ruth Dutta.

And now, please watch the following news very carefully.

The light has been spread out

I hope the camera is not switched on.

I am quite afraid of these things.

What I'm going to say now is very confidential.

When we've the courage to say the truth

Then why should we keep quiet?

It was a wall

Just with one twist.

After two days, you have to show this as a live broadcast on your channel.

Goodness, what did we just show on live TV?

I will ruin you. I will destroy this channel.

You won't be able to do that, sir.

This isn't your ministry, is it?

The Information and Broadcast Ministry, sir.

So, go on and try to save your political position.

And you, mister.

Your channel that has always showed the truth

doesn't need people like you.

We don't want war.

Not just us soldiers, but any citizen of any country

doesn't want a war.

Whatever it is, our country is like your younger brother.

So, please forgive us.

Give us Lata Mangeshkar and take Pakistan.

Now, there's a new one.

Give us Mallika Sherawat.

Come on.

Didn't we give you Sania Mirza?

Be happy with that.

I want to see India.

My dad was in the army as well.

Five years ago, he became a martyr.

What do they always say? "Make love, not war."

I've been getting so many marriage proposals.

But I can only marry only if I get excused from here.

Firstly, I would like to say "Assalamualaikum"

to the Indian soldiers.

Sorry, I mean, I would like to say "Namaste."

And secondly, I want to have a chicken feast with them.

I want war.

But only in cricket.

That will never end.

We don't even know where to fire.

The superiors tell us to fire here and we do.

They tell us to fire there, we do that too.

Why don't they understand this small thing

that if we fire nuclear weapons on them,

will they throw flowers at us?

What else should I say?

I just don't want any war.

There are only two ways out.

First is love, second is using the sword.

The only difference is, the sword divides one into two,

but love unites two into one.

These borders which have been chalked out

between two countries were the deeds of emperors and rulers.

But these divisions shouldn't be kept in our hearts.

This isn't any breaking news or some exclusive operation.

Just now, what you saw is the only truth

which the people of India and Pakistan have always felt, since forever.

It might sound weird,

but some superpower countries are making a fool of us.

Maybe that's true.

But the truth is, one superpower country wants to attack us through Pakistan.

Whereas another superpower country just wanted profit

from this vulnerable situation between our countries.

Now, everything is in your hands.

Today, it seems like our media has matured.

It's also for your future generation.

This is the place where I did the chroma-shoot

of our minister.

I've realized my mistake.

Both the countries were good friends.

No, in fact, they were just one country. But then were divided into two.

They were even given different colors.

We Pakistanis want peace.

Our people understood the whole thing gradually.

Citizens of both countries are out on the streets.

It seems that this war will end soon.

No Chinese food from today onwards. Only fritters and stuffed bread.

China infiltrated Ladakh 19 kilometers into India.

See, we don't war at all.

So, from my side, I boycott any products that are made in China.

I will no longer sell Chinese products.

Boycott "Made in China."

Only if India and Pakistan keep fighting

that they'll be able to sell their weapons.

I think the ministers are behind all this.

India and Pakistan should just sit down and call a truce.

The land changed and so did the sky

A new sun shall arise

Now, you see the people are out on the streets,

it symbolizes that this war will end soon.

You should do this one thing.

Message everyone on your friends list.

I've already created a page.

Let's Forsake War!

LET'S FORSAKE WAR

Let's forsake war. I'm losing. Let's stop the war.

I'm dead, man.

India has boycotted all products that are made in China.

So, we'll have to end this war or else we'll be ruined.

Just like no one can destroy the sun,

similarly, no one can defeat India. Now, clap.

No, what are you saying?

The bomb has already reached the border. It must be heading towards Delhi.

Forget the war, and throw it to Islamabad.

What are you saying?

Ask for milk and we'll give porridge, but dare not ask for Kashmir...

It seems like his translator just expired.

What nonsense.

Say something.

I feel like slapping him.

That's very good, you've learned it.

Looking at the way people boycotted this war,

it seems like the Indian and Pakistani ministers

will have to stop this war soon.

So, who was better today?

Jaat or Dutta?

It is neither jaat nor Dutta.

It's the people.

Whenever the people join hands, they are always effective.

What seemed like a dream

Has finally turned into reality today

Stop. What do you want?

Sir, where can I find Commander Khan?

Here, but what do you want?

There's a parcel for him.

What's written on this bomb? Can any of you read it?

It sounds like a type of shampoo.

Don't you know?

When this bomb explodes, it'll give dandruff to millions of people.

And all the Indians will go crazy by scratching their head.

That's when China will launch a new shampoo in the market.

Do you understand?

Sir, why do we need this now?

-A full-fledged war doesn't seem likely. -Speak to me.

Sir, our missiles have not been tested yet.

Anyway, this is a missile-free bomb.

Just light the fuse at the back, the hatch will open

from the front and it will fire automatically.

Hey, Commander Khan!

Commander Khan.

Why are you calling me?

Commander Khan.

Did you launch the bomb?

Not yet, but I've lit up the fuse. On the orders from the general.

Screw the general.

Someone put it out.

It's a live news telecast, right?

I'm asking if this is live TV?

Yes, sir. Completely live.

How can I do that? Call the firefighters.

-Firefighters to put off a lousy fuse? -So, shall I call the ambulance?

This is not someone's home that's on fire.

-Our homes are on fire, sir. -What?

Now, it's time to save them.

The video of me you saw a while ago was absolutely wrong.

That was not true.

Put out the fire.

Douse it.

What did you do, sir? You took out the fuse itself?

-Now, it will explode right here! -What?

Goodness.

-What have you done, sir? -Run!

-This will explode here. -You're abandoning your army.

You got scared.

We're not scared of anyone.

Hey, who shot that?

Sir, I've said this before. This is the border.

Here, firing and bombing can start anytime.

Please stop this war at any cost.

-Who fired now? Let's go. -Come on, sir! Wait for a while!

Sir, wait! Sir!

Sir, please wait! This is live broadcast!

Why are you all clapping?

Didn't you hear me? It's going to explode.

-It's going to explode? -Sir, please leave this place.

Don't speak to me. Let me hide!

Four!

Five!

-Six! -Think of a song that starts with an H.

-Seven! -You, please don't sing!

-Eight! -Hey, please think of something!

Nine!

Nine!

-Nine! -This...

We...

We'll never forsake this friendship

We'll give up our lives But will never leave your side

Bhutto, who's that girl?

We'll never forsake this friendship

We'll give up our lives But never...