Original subtitles

[power tools whirring]

Matt's not here. Good, he can't complain that we're late.

[deep voice] "I'm Matt Parker.

Punctuality is one of my turn-ons."

[laughing] "If you're early, you're on time.

If you're on time, you're late. And if you're late..."

You're gonna get fired for two bad impressions.

[creeper whirring]

He has risen.

Yeah, chairs is all fun and games till you need 'em.

Hey, guys, we need a screwdriver.

Me too, girl. But remember what we said.

No vodka before lunch.

No, the righty-tighty tool kind.

I can't be lefty-loosey at work.

You guys know Amelie, right?

[Amelie] Yeah, sure.

That's the guy who asked for my number three times.

It's a volume business, baby.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you insane?

You can't take one of your dad's tools out of his shop.

[mocking] "Ooh, my name's Gabe. I follow all of Matt's rules."

Eve gets back tomorrow from her tour with Usher,

and I have to replace a mirror that broke in the dance studio.

What are you doing?

I can't let you take that tool, man.

It's for your own safety.

Oh, yeah. You may be his daughter,

but them tools are his babies.

Okay, I'm a dance teacher, and this is--

this is hurting my eyes.

Fine, God! Ugh!

I'll ask my dad, you babies.

Riley, when you get a second,

there's, uh, something I wanna talk to you about.

Oh, yeah? [chuckles] What?

Yeah, not here. You know, it's kinda private.

Private? [nervous laugh] Am I in trouble?

[chuckles]

Hope I'm not gonna get spanked.

Alright, Riley, what's going on with you and Gabe?

You've been acting weird around him all summer.

[laughing nervously] What? What are you talking about?

Come on, man, when we went to go do karaoke,

you couldn't even sing "Summer Lovin'" with Gabe.

I had to be Sandy.

Okay, fine. Remember when I got drunk

at my divorce party and Gabe took me home?

Well, I passed out on the couch.

Oh, I don't like where this is going.

Continue.

Gabe said he had feelings for me.

How do you know when you was passed out?

I faked sleeping.

I'm a woman. I fake lots of things.

I can't deal with this right now. I just got a divorce.

I can't think about a relationship.

But I don't wanna hurt his feelings. He's my best friend.

If he's your best friend, you need more friends.

-Hey, Dad. -Hey.

Just came in to say hi, I love you,

and I need to borrow... [mumbling] a screwdriver.

Honey, what's the number-one rule in my shop?

Uh, democracy stops at the door.

So, you have read the handbook.

Number-one rule in here is we don't loan tools out to anybody.

Dad, please. I just have to fix something

before Eve gets back tomorrow.

Eve's coming back tomorrow? Like, tomorrow, tomorrow?

Yes, Annie.

The sun will come out tomorrow, and then Eve will be here.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

[scoffs] Dad, I know you hate Eve,

but can you please just try to be nice to her?

Pretend she's a female Joe Rogan who smells like a dry rub.

You just described the perfect woman.

[♪ rock theme playing]

[tires screeching]

Hey, there she is.

Are you excited about going back to school?

Grandpa, only nerds and noobs get excited about day one.

I like to lay back, swoop in on day two,

and crush their dreams.

The last thing you wanna be today is too extra.

And I rest my case.

Oof. That's definitely extra.

Extra handsome.

Thanks, Mom. I'm going all out

to win the heart of Lily Martinez.

You're lucky you're too big to fit into a locker.

-[Riley] Dad! -[Matt] What?

Looks like he's ready to whack somebody,

or he's the doorman at a strip club.

So, Carter, how did you decide

this was the best way to impress Lily?

I asked my relationship advisor.

How do I dress to impress a lady?

[AI] If you want to dress like a ten, be Italian.

Honey. [chuckles] Don't ask AI, just be yourself.

That's worse.

Alright, just go. You're gonna be late.

And remember... [imitating Godfather] Leave the gun,

take the cannoli.

♪♪

Great, great.

Damn it!

-Okay. -[car door closes]

Door shut.

Walking. Walking.

Should be getting to her door. She's at her door.

Oh!

-[exhales sharply, chuckles] -Matt Parker, are you hiding?

-[laughing] No, I'm not hiding. -Is it because we kissed

and then you didn't call me or text me

for three months?!

Wait, wait, wait, wait. That's not-- that's not how it was.

No, hold-- hold on a second. No, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Welcome back.

And to be honest, you kissed me.

Well, obviously, you didn't like it.

Which is cool. I get the message.

The only message you sent.

Eve, I didn't not like it.

Oh.

Talk sexy to me, big boy.

Come on, I just-- I wasn't sure I wanted to get into a relationship.

Who said anything about a relationship?

I'm not looking to go steady, Grandpa.

I just thought we could, you know...

hang out, do whatever.

Does that mean what I think it means?

It means whatever you want it to mean.

But yes.

Look, Matt, I like you,

but I understand if you're not ready.

If you change your mind, you can text me.

Oh, wait. Nope. Forgot.

You don't do that.

♪♪

Hey. Hope this isn't too weird,

but, uh, I gotta talk to somebody about this.

Uh, I met a woman. And get this.

It's Riley's boss. That's right.

Riley's got a job, so I'll wait for you to roll over.

Uh...

We kissed, and I'm not sure what that means.

[female voice] Well, it means you're a big old slut.

Hey, Charlotte, this isn't your usual day.

Yeah, well, this woman's husband ruined Tuesdays for me.

Guy's a real chatterbox. Yeah, I-- I think she died

just to get a break from him. [chuckles]

Anyway, so. So, you met someone, yeah?

Come here, sit, spill.

Alright, well, um, yeah, I met this woman,

and we kissed, uh, three months ago,

and we just talked about it today.

What, you-- you kissed her,

and then you didn't talk to her or-- or text her

for three months?

W-What are you, a millennial?

She's okay with it.

She actually said today, we can, um, "do whatever."

-Sex, that means sex. -I know what that means.

Well, it-- it seems like you like her, mm?

And lucky for you, she has low standards.

Are you worried about what Diane would think?

I don't know that I'm ever gonna be ready for this.

Mm. [inhales deeply]

What can we do to get you unstuck?

-We don't have to do any-- -Wait, bup!

Are you open to doing small amounts of drugs?

-No. -Large amounts?

-No. -[chuckles]

Alright, well, look, I-- I used to go

to this grief support group.

Oh, I could do drugs.

Look, these people helped me get through my stuff

when I lost Ray, and I-- I think there's a meeting tonight.

Boy, that sounds like a lot of fun, it really does.

And after that, we could go to the DMV without an appointment.

I think this group is perfect for you.

Hey, guys, I brought some fresh meat. [chuckles]

Say hello to my friend Matt.

Hi, Matt.

-Welcome. -Hey, buddy.

Oh, boy.

♪♪

Don't just stand there.

Grief group is like an orgy.

You're either in or out.

-I'm out. -No, no, no, no. Sit, sit.

Charlotte, we haven't seen you in ages.

Yeah, well, I'm all good.

I just wanted to bring my friend Matt here.

He lost his wife a little while ago,

and he's having trouble moving on.

Oh, that's tough.

-We've all been there. -Yeah?

Yeah, I lost my husband nine years ago.

Literally lost. Disappeared without a trace.

I passed that lie detector test.

Inadmissible.

You know, you guys are great.

I think I'm gonna step outside

and slam my hand in a car door.

Come on, you know what, moving on is tough, buddy.

You know, I slept on the couch last night

just so I could pretend that Sally and I had a big fight.

We had a very passionate relationship.

If you know what I'm talking about.

We always know what you're talking about, Roger.

So, how-- how long has it been?

[sighs] Eighteen years.

Eighteen years?

So, your grief can actually vote now.

The worst part is, I-- I didn't get to say goodbye to Stan,

and there was so much left unsaid.

Like 19 years and not one orgasm.

Sorry for your loss.

Well, this has been brutal.

Wait. No, no, wait. Matt, wait a minute.

-Wait, wait. -Why did you bring me here?

-To make a point. -What's the point?

No, look, it's important to grieve,

but you also have to move on with your life.

[Matt] Okay, got that. I'm moving on with this.

Yea-- no, wait. What-- what is wrong with you?

-Nothing's-- nothing's wrong with me. -Yeah, you're a handsome guy.

-W-Why do you keep getting in your own way? -You're getting in my way.

-Yeah, well, you're-- you're scared. -I'm not scared.

-Yes, you're scared. You're scared. -I'm not scared.

-Stop saying that. -You're scared to be happy.

-I'm not scared-- -You're scared of intimacy.

-I am not scared of-- I am not scared. -Yes, you are.

-Yes, you are. -No, I'm not.

Prove it.

♪♪

-Well, well, well. -[Matt] Oh!

What are you still doing up?

I've been worried sick.

It's 1 a.m., which is like 5 a.m. in old people time.

Stop freaking out.

You watch your tone with me, mister.

I know a walk of shame when I see one.

You don't know what you're talking about.

-I was out with a friend of mine. -A lady friend?

Aha!

I'm going to bed.

Just tell me you're using protection,

'cause you are not ready to be a parent.

[in valley girl accent] Whatever.

Yeah, that's right. Go to your room.

Think about what you've done.

God knows I don't want to.

♪♪

So, tell me. What did I miss?

What's the hot goss? Or the warm goss?

I'll take any temperature goss.

Okay, well, get this.

My dad is into someone.

-A lady someone. -Oh?

And I think they slept together last night.

[angrily] Oh?

Good, you're here. Did you get my text?

It was the first time I used the saluting emoji.

-Did I nail it? -[Riley chuckles]

Yeah, I would love to talk, but I have to...

[chuckles nervously] ...return my dad's screwdriver.

Sorry.

Text me?

Yeah, that family? Don't hold your breath.

Here's your favorite child, Phillip.

Oh, here, I'll put it away.

Ye-- what's this big gouge in it?

The only thing that got screwed in here was me.

By the way, I'm sorry.

What you did last night is none of my business.

Pro tip: the trellis up to the bathroom

will hold human weight.

Riley, I'm not ashamed of anything.

You shouldn't be. I don't know why I overreacted.

It's like I was saying to Eve, you know--

Wait, w-what? You told Eve?

You don't share my business with people. Why'd you tell Eve?

I'm sorry, she was looking for any temperature goss.

You crossed a line.

I don't want you sharing my business with anybody.

So, when do you care what Eve thinks?

This is why I don't share anything with you.

[Riley] Dad!

There something going on with my dad and Eve?

Nah. I would know.

I got my finger on the pulse on this whole block.

Hey, Stitch, you seen Riley?

[whispering] I'm not here.

[creeper whirring]

She went that way.

♪♪

Just a little update about that woman I was telling you about.

Might be over now because of your blabbermouth daughter.

[Riley] Hey.

You know, I knew it was you following me down Lankershim.

Why are you here?

Well, I could tell you're upset.

And there's obviously something going on

with you and Eve, so let's talk.

Why don't you tell your mother

how you blab about my personal business?

Oh, great, now we're gonna play "good cop, dead cop"?

♪♪

So, you get pissed at me, and you come here and talk to Mom?

Because she's discreet. She's not up in heaven

telling Lee Iacocca all about my business.

Well, Mom's gone, but I'm not.

I'm all you've got, Dad. So, can you talk to me?

Now, you sound like your mother.

Okay. So, you remember the divorce party?

Oh, God, what else did I do? I blame the open bar.

That night, I, um, I might have, uh, kissed Eve.

No. I'm dying!

No offense.

Oh, my God, and I told her you were with another woman.

Whoopsie.

Yeah, whoopsie.

So, how did this happen?

[sighs] I don't know.

All of a sudden, we were French or something.

Then, she goes away on that tour for, what, three months,

and a little upset that I might not have texted her.

For three months?

What is time?

[chuckles]

Okay, it was bad.

So, do you like her?

I hate her less than everybody else.

Wow. That's serious.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Seize the day.

I mean, look around. Life is short.

Actually, that guy lived to 102.

Oh, my God, he survived the Spanish flu and COVID.

But you know what I'm saying.

Well, yeah, but you might have messed this up with Eve

'cause you told her I was with another woman.

Well, not necessarily. Just talk to her.

Mom, do you approve?

She said yes.

And then, she told me I need a better bra.

♪♪

Gabe's not here. You're good.

No, now I want to talk to him.

I was just yelling at my dad for avoiding stuff,

and I realized I've been doing the same thing.

You know, an emotionally repressed apple

does not fall far from a psychologically damaged tree.

I'm just gonna tell Gabe that I can't get involved,

because if anything happened to our friendship, I don't know what I would do.

I mean, he's just like the kindest, sweetest,

most wonderful person I've ever known.

Riley, listen to yourself. The guy you're describing

is definitely the guy you should be dating.

And if you don't, you're a damn fool.

Whoa! Hot and hurtful take.

Look, I know you just got divorced,

but you can't plan these things.

And if you wait and it don't happen,

you'll never forgive yourself.

[Gabe] Oh, good, you're here.

I really have to talk to you.

Uh, actually... [clearing throat]

I have something to say to you too.

Okay. Rock, paper, scissors to see who goes first.

Actually, you go. I always throw a rock,

and you know that.

[laughing] So stupid.

Gabe... [clearing throat]

you and I have known each other a long time.

I mean, you're practically my oldest friend,

and I guess I never appreciated you

until I moved back to LA.

Been thinking about this a lot, and, uh, I realize that...

[exclaiming]

Why don't you go first?

Yeah. Amelie and I are dating.

That's what I wanted to tell you.

You guys are dating?

So, that's why you told me no?

Oh! It all makes sense now.

It's just, you know, we were just trying to keep it quiet,

you know, until we knew it was real.

Right. The real deal.

Gabe and Amelie.

"Gamelie." [chuckles]

Sorry, Riley. I was dying to tell you,

but Gabe really wanted to be the one to do it.

[chuckles] Well, that is great.

You're both great. You're two great people

being great together. [chuckles]

"The Great-y Bunch!"

-You're doing too much, girl. -Oh.

I'm really glad to hear you say that,

because, you know, your opinion means so much to me.

Babe, we should get going 'cause dinner's at 7:00.

She's getting me to try fancy foods.

You know what I had yesterday?

Ci-lan-tro.

[Riley chuckles]

"Finger on the pulse"?

"I know everything that's happening on the block"?

Well, the important thing is, we found out why she told me no.

♪♪

Hey, Eve.

Well, if it isn't the Golden Bachelor.

Did you come straight from the Playboy Mansion?

Listen, Eve, Riley had no right

telling you about my personal business.

Matt, you don't owe me an explanation.

There's nothing between us. You can do whatever with whoever.

[scoffs]

That's a pretty good whatever.

Wait, am I the other woman now?

Nothing happened with her.

Good, 'cause I will cut a bitch.

-Noted. -[snickering]

And the truth be told, I-- I haven't been able

to stop thinking about, um, that kiss and you.

So, are we trying this?

Yes.

It's gonna take a little time on my side

'cause it's been, like, 40 years,

and I've gotta get used to women not wearing pantyhose

and always wearing workout wear, although I like...

[crunching loudly]

Could you chew any louder?

Hey, he just had his heart broken.

Yeah, Pops, me and Lily are never gonna happen,

so I'm eating my feelings.

Can you just take out your hearing aids?

Hi! I brought someone home with me.

Hi, Carter.

Lily! What are you doing here?

Where I live and eat nachos in my Pokemon pajamas?

I'm really struggling with seventh grade math.

It's just so hard.

So, I asked Lily to be my tutor.

I have to change. Might take a while.

No worries. Ready, Carter?

Yes!

[whispering] Thank you.

Aww.

He's gonna blow this.

-Yep. -Absolutely.

♪♪