Original subtitles

- OKAY, EVERYBODY, THE HARVEST FESTIVAL IS TOMORROW.

AND I AM SO PROUD OF ALL OF YOU.

YOU'VE WORKED SO HARD.

YOU'RE AMAZING. SO I HAVE A SURPRISE.

AND IT IS POSSIBLY THE BEST THING

TO POTENTIALLY EVER HAPPEN

TO ANYONE ANYWHERE

IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE WORLD-FAMOUS LI'L SEBASTIAN.

- WHAT? - YES!

- NO WAY! [all laugh, exclaim]

- LI'L SEBASTIAN? OH, MY GOD!

- OH, SNAP!

- IT'S REALLY HIM!

- THAT'S REALLY LI'L SEBASTIAN?

- YES, THIS IS HIM! - THAT IS LI'L SEBASTIAN?

- TAKE MY PICTURE, TAKE MY PICTURE, PLEASE.

- WELL DONE, LESLIE. WELL DONE!

- I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET TO MEET HIM!

- WOW.

- LI'L SEBASTIAN MADE HIS DEBUT

AT THE LAST HARVEST FESTIVAL IN 1987,

AND HE WAS AN INSTANT PHENOMENON.

THAT WEEK,

HE WAS THE EIGHTH MOST PHOTOGRAPHED OBJECT IN AMERICA.

SO SUCK IT, THE ALAMO.

- I'M SITTING NEXT TO LI'L SEBASTIAN.

- I KNOW, I KNOW.

- RIGHT NOW, I'M HERE, LI'L SEBASTIAN'S RIGHT THERE.

- WOW! [laughter]

- WOW. SO WHAT AM I MISSING? WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THIS PONY?

- HE'S NOT A PONY, BEN. HE'S A MINI HORSE.

THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE.

- WELL, THEN, WHY IS HE SO FAMOUS?

DOES HE--DOES HE-- DOES HE DO SOMETHING?

WHAT DOES HE DO?

- YEAH, HE DOES BEING A MINI HORSE,

AND HE DOES IT BETTER THAN ANYONE.

- SON, THIS HORSE HAS AN HONORARY DEGREE FROM NOTRE DAME.

- WE ALL NEED TO BE VERY CAREFUL, OKAY?

REMEMBER, THIS LITTLE GUY IS 25 NOW.

AND HE HAS CATARACTS IN BOTH EYES

AND HE HAS SEVERE ARTHRITIS.

JERRY IS GONNA LOOK AFTER HIM. - YES, I AM.

WE ARE BOTH ON THE SAME DIABETES MEDICATION.

ARE YOU MY GLUCOTROL BUDDY?

ARE YOU? HUH?

- ISN'T IT AMAZING?

- YEAH, I'VE JUST GOT TO BE HONEST.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS.

- GET OUT.

[triumphant music]

*

- HMM.

- OKAY, COULDN'T YOU PUT SUE'S SALADS HERE?

- ON DEEP FRIED BOULEVARD?

- IT'S JUST...

THERE'S SO MANY JUNK FOOD PLACES AND ONLY ONE SALAD STAND.

- WELL, WE WANT TO MAKE MONEY, NOT MAKE PEOPLE HATE THEMSELVES.

- SALADS ARE MY LIFE. - OF COURSE. I'M SORRY.

UM, YOU KNOW WHAT WE'LL DO?

WE'LL MAKE SUE'S SALADS

THE OFFICIAL HEALTHY CHOICE OF THE HARVEST FESTIVAL.

- WOW. THAT'S GREAT. THANK YOU. - OF COURSE. SURE.

NOBODY'S GONNA COME TO YOUR STUPID BOOTH ANYWAY.

- I'M SORRY?

- WELL, THE HARVEST FESTIVAL IS THE BIGGEST THING

I'VE EVER DONE IN MY CAREER, AND IF IT FAILS,

THE PARKS DEPARTMENT WILL BE ELIMINATED.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE GOING BIG.

SEVEN DAYS, OVER 30 DIFFERENT LOCATIONS,

50,000-PLUS VISITORS, AND FOUR HOSPITALITY KIOSKS.

GOD, I GOTTA STOP ENDING ON THAT BORING THING.

CLOWNS!

- UH, WELL, NO, YOU CANNOT SELL HOME-BREWED WATER.

AND AGAIN, NO, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO TASTE IT.

BUT THANK YOU FOR COMING IN.

APRIL, WHO'S NEXT?

- MAN, YOU ARE JUST KNOCKING THESE OFF.

YOU'RE LIKE A NINJA CROSSED WITH A JEDI OR SOMETHING.

- YOU'RE LIKE A NERD MIXED WITH A DORK OR SOMETHING.

- TOM, STAR WARS IS NOT THAT NERDY.

- [nerdy voice] NO, STAR WA IS NOT THAT NERDY.

- IT'S NOT; EVERYONE'S SEEN IT.

- [nerdy voice] EVERYONE'S SEEN IT.

- EVERYONE. - THIS GUY'S HERE.

- HEY, KEN. - HI, LESLIE.

- THIS IS BEN AND TOM. - THAT'S A DOPE BOLO.

- THIS IS KEN HOTATE.

HE IS THE TRIBAL LEADER OF THE WAMAPOKE.

- AH! WALLAHO!

- I JUST SAID, "HELLO, HONORED GUEST."

ALTHOUGH, LITERALLY TRANSLATED,

IT MEANS, "MAY YOU BE BLESSED WITH A MILLION POSSUMS."

THE WAMAPOKE USED TO USE POSSUM AS CURRENCY.

- OH. WELL, WALLA-HEY NONI-KOTI.

- NO, DON'T. OKAY. HAVE A SEAT.

KEN, I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.

AND JUST LET ME SAY THAT WE REALLY TRIED.

- I'M SORRY, LESLIE, BUT THIS IS A BIG ONE.

I'M UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE.

I'M GONNA NEED TO FORMALLY ASK YOU

TO, UH, MOVE THE CARNIVAL.

- I'M SORRY? WHAT'S GOING ON?

- THE CARNIVAL IS ON THE SITE OF THE BATTLE OF INDIAN HILL,

WHICH WAS AN EPIC SEVEN-DAY BATTLE THAT THE WAMAPOKE LOST.

DUE TO THE FACT THAT THEY DIDN'T HAVE ANY WEAPONS.

- DURING THE BATTLE, 93-YEAR-OLD CHIEF WAKOTE

WAS SHOT 102 TIMES BY THE CAVALRY.

- DID HE DIE?

- [whispers] YES.

- AND THIS MOMENT WILL BE COMMEMORATED

FOR THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS

WITH SHOOTING GALLERIES AND FRIED DOUGH STANDS.

- KEN, I UNDERSTAND.

BUT THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE IN TOWN

THAT'S BIG ENOUGH TO HOUSE THE CARNIVAL RIDES.

PLUS, YOU KNOW, WITH PAWNEE'S HISTORY

IT'S VERY DIFFICULT TO NOT BE OFFENSIVE.

THIS IS A MAP OF ALL THE ATROCITIES THE PAWNEE SETTLERS

INFLICTED UPON THE WAMAPOKE INDIANS.

THE ATROCITIES ARE IN BLUE.

WE PUT UP A MEMORIAL PLAQUE,

AND WE HAVE A WAMAPOKE EXHIBIT IN THE HISTORY TENT.

WE'RE REALLY TRYING.

- I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOU.

I MEAN, I REALLY DO.

BUT THIS IS SACRED BURIAL GROUND.

AND I JUST HOPE THAT THE SOULS OF MY ANCESTORS

DON'T PUT A CURSE ON THIS FESTIVAL.

THERE ARE TWO THINGS I KNOW ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE.

THEY LOVE RACHAEL RAY,

AND THEY ARE TERRIFIED OF CURSES.

- SO, YEAH, SO JUST BRING IT RIGHT OVER THERE,

AND WE'LL BE GOOD. THANKS.

- HEY. - HEY.

- UM, SO SOMEBODY, I DON'T WANT TO SAY WHO--

IT WAS TOTALLY ME--

GOT SWEETUMS TO DONATE ANOTHER 15 COTTON CANDY MACHINES.

- GREAT. SWEETS! - YEAH, YEAH. YEAH.

- AW, TAKE THAT, CURSE. - TAKE THAT, CURSE.

[both imitating gunshots]

- OUCH, OUCH, OUCH! - RIGHT IN THE CHEST, OH!

- OW, OW, OW!

- BAZOOKA! - YOU'RE DEAD!

- BAZOOKA! [both laughing]

THAT WAS FUNNY. - UGH! GET A ROOM.

- ALL RIGHT. - OKAY.

UM, SO, GUYS, FOCUS UP.

JOAN CALLAMEZZO IS COMING BY WITH A CAMERA CREW

FOR AN EXCLUSIVE LAST-MINUTE WALK-THROUGH

OF THE HARVEST FESTIVAL BEFORE WE OPEN TOMORROW.

SO EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE PERFECT.

JOAN IS ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A SCANDAL.

SHE'S LIKE AN EAGLE-EYED TIGER.

- EAGLE-EYED TIGER, NEW BAND NAME, I CALL IT!

- SO EVERYBODY GATHER AROUND.

LET'S GRAB HANDS. - I DON'T HOLD HANDS.

- OKAY, YOU'RE ALL AMAZING, WONDERFUL PEOPLE.

AND I REALLY WANT YOU TO HAVE FUN TODAY

AND NOT FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT IF ONE THING GOES WRONG,

WE'RE ALL GOING TO LOSE OUR JOBS.

- THAT'S NOT INSPIRING. - OKAY.

LET'S GO GET 'EM, EVERYBODY!

ANY CONCERNS, ADDRESS THEM TO RON.

- YES! [applause]

- THE ADVANTAGE OF BEING LESLIE'S BOSS

IS THAT SHE DOES EVERYTHING HERSELF,

AND THERE ARE NEVER ANY PROBLEMS.

WHICH MEANS, FOR THE NEXT WEEK,

I CAN SIT IN A LAWN CHAIR AND READ THIS BOOK ABOUT OLD BOATS.

EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WORK.

- HEY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO YOU AND THE BIONIC MAN?

- CHRIS? HE BROKE UP WITH ME.

BUT HE DID IT SO NICELY THAT I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HE DID IT.

- I'VE DONE THAT TO MULTIPLE MEN.

HOW YOU DOING? YOU DOING OKAY?

- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING. IT'S BEEN TOUGH, YEAH.

YEAH, TWO DAYS AGO I WAS SOBBING

AT A PIZZA BUFFET AND THEY ASKED ME TO LEAVE.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT SOME DOG ADOPTION WEB SITES.

BOUGHT $700 WORTH OF CANDLES FROM ANTHROPOLOGIE.

I DID THIS TO MY HAIR.

YOU KNOW, YOUR BASIC, BOTTOMING-OUT KIND OF STUFF.

- YEAH.

NORMALLY, PEOPLE TELL YOU TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.

I'M GONNA RECOMMEND YOU BOTTLE THAT NOISE UP.

- THAT'S WHAT MY MAILMAN SAID.

- MUAH-MUAH-MURDER.

MURDER THE MOST MELONS.

SHAQUILLE SHOWERED SHAME ON SHAKIRA'S SHEETS.

- HELLO, JOAN. - HELLO, LESLIE.

LOOKS LIKE A VERY IMPRESSIVE FESTIVAL.

BUT WE'LL SEE.

WE'LL SEE.

- YOU REMEMBER BEN? - HI.

- IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

- LET'S GET STARTED. - OKAY.

- NOW, THE FESTIVAL IS SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE TOWN.

BUT THE CENTERPIECE IS THE CARNIVAL.

AND OVER HERE IS INDIANA'S LARGEST CORN MAZE.

- AH.

IS THAT PAWNEE CORN OR EAGLETON CORN?

- PAWNEE CORN, AND IT'S ORGANIC.

OVER HERE WE HAVE OUR BEAUTIFUL FERRIS WHEEL.

- AH, BEAUTIFUL. BUT DEADLY.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME THIS GIANT WHEEL OF DEATH

WAS INSPECTED?

- ACTUALLY, TWICE IN THE LAST WEEK.

AND EVERYTHING IS 100% UP TO CODE.

- HOW MANY OF THESE CARNIES ARE ILLEGALS?

- NONE. THEY'RE ALL U.S. CITIZENS.

OVER IN THIS BOOTH, INDIANA BASKETBALL LEGEND LARRY BIRD'S

84-YEAR-OLD AUNT TILDA WILL BE

SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS FOR TWO HOURS ON THURSDAY.

- YOU GOT TILDA? - YEAH.

- OH. - WE GOT TILDA.

- BUT THE REAL COUP IS OVER THERE.

LI'L SEBASTIAN.

- ARE YOU [bleep] KIDDING ME?

YOU GOT LI'L SEBASTIAN? - SEE FOR YOURSELF!

- OH, WOW. HE IS SO ADORABLE.

- THANK YOU, JOAN.

LI'L SEBASTIAN ISN'T BAD EITHER.

- TOM! - HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD. - GOOD TO SEE YOU.

HOLD ON A SECOND. [squeaking]

DID YOU GET YOUR BREASTS DONE?

YOU LOOK AMAZING. - YES, THANKS FOR NOTICING.

- JOAN, LISTEN TO ME.

THIS HARVEST FESTIVAL, IT'S GONNA KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.

AND WHEN IT DOES, I'M GONNA BE THERE

TO GIVE YOU A FOOT MASSAGE... TO COMPLETION.

[both laughing] - OKAY!

- GOOD LORD.

- GOD, I SWEAR, IT'S ALMOST LIKE THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO WIN.

- WELL, YOU'D BETTER PRACTICE.

YOU GOTTA WIN ME A TEDDY BEAR.

- I'M GONNA WIN YOU A MILLION TEDDY BEARS.

- WELL, I WANT A BILLION TEDDY BEARS.

- WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE UNREALISTIC.

THIS IS A HARD GAME.

TWO MILLION.

- DEAL.

- ALL RIGHT.

- HEY, I LOVE YOU.

- DUDE, SHUT UP! THAT IS AWESOME SAUCE!

- YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD BOY.

- JERRY, STOP BOTHERING LI'L SEBASTIAN.

LESLIE SAID I SHOULD WATCH HIM FOR A LITTLE BIT.

- PERFECT, I'VE GOTTA GO GET HIM A TAIL SCRUNCHIE.

- HI, LI'L SEBASTIAN, HOW'S IT GOIN'?

"PRETTY GOOD. JUST EATING SOME HAY, HANGIN' OUT.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?" UH, MY NAME'S TOM.

"OH, YOU'RE REALLY WELL-DRESSED.

"I LIKE HOW YOU GOT YOUR T-SHIRT OVER YOUR DRESS SHIRT.

YOU LOOK WAY COOLER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE HERE."

LI'L SEBASTIAN, COME ON. YOU'RE MAKING ME BLUSH.

MOST PEOPLE LOOK AT LI'L SEBASTIAN

AND THEY SEE A FAMOUS MINI HORSE.

I SEE AN ADVERTISING OPPORTUNITY FOR MY CLUB,

THE SNAKEHOLE LOUNGE.

WOW, THAT IS A SHOCKINGLY HUGE MINI HORSE ERECTION.

[horse grunts]

- I DON'T THINK I'M BEING UNPROFESSIONAL

WHEN I SAY THAT I REALLY WAS HOPING

FOR MORE TAWDRY SCANDALS.

- WELL...

- WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND BEN, HERE?

WE ALL KNOW HIS STORY, ONE OF FAILURE.

REMIND US OF THAT FAILURE.

- WELL, UH, YOU KNOW,

WHEN I WAS AN 18-YEAR-OLD MAYOR,

I TRIED TO BUILD A WINTER SPORTS COMPLEX

CALLED "ICE TOWN," AND IT BANKRUPTED THE CITY.

- YIKES.

- I WAS ALSO SHORTSTOP ON MY JV BASEBALL TEAM.

NO ONE EVER BRINGS THAT UP.

- AND NOW YOU'RE INVOLVED WITH THIS.

DO I SMELL ANOTHER DISASTER, HOPEFULLY?

- LOOK, JOAN, THIS FESTIVAL,

THANKS TO THE TIRELESS EFFORTS OF LESLIE KNOPE,

IS GOING TO BRING PEOPLE NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS.

NOT EVEN I COULD SCREW THAT UP.

- I'M A REPORTER, NOT YOUR THERAPIST.

- SO ANYTIME SOMEONE TAKES A PICTURE OF HIM,

THE SNAKEHOLE'S LOGO IS IN IT.

AM I A GENIUS OR WHAT?

- HEY, TOM. WHERE'S LI'L SEBASTIAN?

- UH, SOMEBODY LEFT THE GATE OPEN

AND HE GOT OUT, JERRY!

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- UNBELIEVABLE.

ANOTHER IN A LONG STRING OF MISERABLE FAILURES.

YOU LOST LI'L SEBASTIAN!

- I WASN'T EVEN HERE! - EXACTLY.

HOPEFULLY I CAN GET YOU OUT OF THIS MESS

THAT YOU AND NO ONE ELSE CAUSED.

- YOU WERE THE ONE WATCHING HIM.

- WELL, IT'S A POOR WORKMAN THAT BLAMES HIS TOOLS.

YOU LOOK FOR HIM.

I'M GONNA GO TELL EVERYONE WHAT YOU DID.

- HARVEST FESTIVAL STARTS AT 9:00 A.M. TOMORROW MORNING,

AND AS FAR AS THIS REPORTER IS CONCERNED,

IT'S WELL WORTH YOUR TIME.

- COME ON DOWN, EVERYONE. IT'S GONNA BE SWEET.

- IT PAINS ME TO SAY THIS, BUT GREAT JOB HERE.

- THANK YOU.

THAT WENT WELL. - YEAH, IT DID.

TAKE THAT, CURSE! - TAKE THAT, CURSE!

- SORRY, WHAT IS THIS ABOUT A CURSE?

- HMM? - CURSE?

- WHAT? WHAT, NOTHING. - NO.

- DID YOU-- - LESLIE! LESLIE.

IT'S LI'L SEBASTIAN. HE'S GONE.

JERRY LET HIM ESCAPE AND WE DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.

- KEEP THOSE CAMERAS UP. WE'VE GOT A NEW INTRO TO DO.

GOTCHA.

LET'S GO AHEAD, LET'S GET SOME SHOTS

OF CHIPPED PAINT AND CRYING BABIES.

HOW ABOUT SOME OF THOSE SPOOKY TRAFFIC LIGHTS?

OKAY, YOU KNOW THE DRILL.

- IS IT REVENGE OF THE WAMAPOKE,

AN INCOMPETENT GOVERNMENT RUN AMOK,

OR PROBABLY SOMETHING EVEN WORSE THAN ANY OF THOSE THINGS?

WHILE IT SEEMED EVERYTHING WAS READY FOR TOMORROW,

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS EXACTLY AS THEY MAY SEEM.

NAILED IT.

- UH, THIS IS BAD, RIGHT? - YES, THIS IS BAD.

THIS IS LIKE A POOP TORNADO. THIS IS LIKE A POOPNADO.

- OKAY, WELL, GROSS,

BUT WE CAN HANDLE A LITTLE BAD PUBLICITY, LESLIE.

- THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN THAT.

THIS IS A HUGE GOVERNMENT PROJECT,

AND IT'S ALREADY A LIGHTNING ROD.

AND THEN YOU ADD THE WAMAPOKE CONTROVERSY.

DOUBLE LIGHTNING ROD.

- PLUS WE LOST THAT LITTLE PONY. - IT'S A MINI HORSE!

AND THAT'S THE THIRD LIGHTNING ROD.

TRIPLE LIGHTNING ROD!

AND THEN YOU HAVE THE CURSE, QUADRUPLE LIGHTNING ROD.

THIS IS A CLASSIC FOUR-ROD DISASTER.

- OH, RIGHT, ONE OF THOSE.

- GOD, NOW ALL THE VENDORS ARE GONNA BAIL.

AND THE TICKET SALES ARE GONNA GO DOWN.

- WAIT, I'M SORRY.

BUT DO PEOPLE IN THIS TOWN REALLY BELIEVE IN CURSES?

- PAWNEE IS AN INCREDIBLY SUPERSTITIOUS TOWN.

A TRAVELING MAGICIAN CAME THROUGH ONE TIME,

AND HE PULLED A RABBIT OUT OF A HAT,

AND THE MOB BURNED HIM AT THE STAKE FOR BEING A WITCH.

THE YEAR WAS 1973.

- WE ARE REALLY UP A CREEK HERE.

WHAT THE HECK ARE WE GONNA DO?

- YOU MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

- NO, WHAT ARE DO GONNA YOU?

- WHAT AM DO GONNA I?

THAT'S A GREAT QUESTION, JERRY.

CAN YOU BELIEVE WE LEFT LI'L SEBASTIAN WITH THIS GENTLEMAN?

- OKAY, YOU WERE THE ONE WATCHING HIM.

- WELL, APPARENTLY I'M NOT GONNA GET ANY WORK DONE.

HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

- MAYBE LI'L SEBASTIAN GOT UPSET BECAUSE HE TRIED TO SHARE

HIS TRUE FEELINGS WITH SOMEONE AND THEY DIDN'T RECIPROCATE.

- THAT'S NOT BAD.

OR MAYBE A BALLOON POPPED SOMEWHERE,

AND IT SCARED HIM, SENT HIM RUNNING OFF.

- OKAY. TOM, JERRY, CHECK THE FIELD BEHIND THE PARKING LOT.

- I DON'T WANT TO GO WITH JERRY.

HE'S THE ONE WHO DELIBERATELY CAUSED ME

TO ACCIDENTALLY LET THE HORSE OUT.

JERRY'S FAULT.

all: JERRY'S FAULT, JERRY'S FAULT, JERRY'S FAULT!

- STOP IT. - HANG ON.

ALL OF YOU LISTEN TO ME.

THAT MAGNIFICENT LITTLE HORSE IS LOST,

AND HE'S PROBABLY SCARED, AND IT'S OUR FAULT.

TOM, JERRY, YOU GET ALONG.

ANDY, APRIL, CHECK THE CORN MAZE.

- GOOD IDEA. HORSES LOVE MAZES, COME ON!

- HEY, LESLIE?

THIS BIG, BEEFY DUDE

JUST CAME INTO THE FIRST AID TENT

BECAUSE HE WAS DEHYDRATED.

AND THEN A REPORTER CAME IN

AND ASKED IF IT WAS BECAUSE OF THE CURSE.

- [gasps] NO COMMENT. DID YOU SAY, "NO COMMENT?"

YOU GOTTA SAY, "NO COMMENT." - I DID.

- AH, GOOD. ANN, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

BEAUTIFUL ANN. ALL RIGHT.

WELL, UM, JUST TREAT HIM AND RELEASE HIM

AND THEN DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHING

FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH.

- OKAY. - OKAY. RUN, ANN, RUN!

- LESLIE? - YEAH?

- YOU GOTTA SEE THIS.

- THE FACT IS, THIS CARNIVAL

IS BEING HELD ON TOP OF AN ANCIENT WAMAPOKE BURIAL SITE.

- MUCH LIKE THE HOUSE IN THE MOVIE POLTERGEIST.

- EXACTLY.

I SPOKE TO LESLIE KNOPE OF THE PARKS DEPARTMENT

ABOUT MOVING THE CARNIVAL, AND SHE REFUSED.

- WE DO HAVE EXCLUSIVE ANIMATION OF THAT EVENT.

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

- OH, I LOVE THESE THINGS.

SORRY.

- [speaking virtual language]

- [speaking virtual language]

- [chanting]

- [moaning] - WHOA.

- AAH, AAH, AAH!

- IS THAT WHAT HAPPENED?

- PERD... - NONE OF THAT HAPPENED.

- THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

- HMM. - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT WE DO IS WE MOVE THE SHOOTING GALLERY.

THAT SEEMS TO BE THEIR BIGGEST PROBLEM.

MAYBE THAT WILL MAKE THEM HAPPY.

- CHECK BACK IN WITH NEWS CHANNEL 4,

NUMBER ONE IN CURSE COVERAGE.

- YOU KNOW WHERE I WOULD HIDE IF I WAS A HORSE?

THE MERRY-GO-ROUND. THINK ABOUT IT!

YOU JUST STAND STILL RIGHT NEXT TO ALL THE OTHER HORSES,

AND NO ONE WOULD EVER KNOW.

IT'S THE PERFECT CRIME.

- OH, MY GOD. I'M GONNA GO LOOK BY MYSELF.

- HEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? YOU SEEM SUPER NOT HAPPY.

- I'M FINE. OH, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

I MIGHT BE GOING TO VENEZUELA TOMORROW. FOREVER.

- YOU'RE NOT FINE.

LUDGATE, I CAN READ YOU LIKE THE BACK OF A BOOK.

SOMETHING IS UPSETTING YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND TELL ME WHAT IT IS?

- I'M NOT UPSET. - [sighs]

- I'M GREAT. SEE?

- APRIL!

- NO, I'M NOT MAD AT HIM. HE'S GREAT.

I AWESOME SAUCE ANDY.

- APRIL!

OH, MY GOD.

THIS MAIZE IS LIKE A MAZE.

- LOOK LEFT. LOOK RIGHT.

YEAH, OKAY.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S SICKER, ME OR YOUR BODY.

- YOU AREN'T SICK. - I'M NOT?

MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT MY ABS.

- ARE YOU EXPERIENCING ABDOMINAL PAIN?

- EVERY DAY AT THE GYM.

- EW. - FEEL.

- OH.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

- I'M PREPPING THE MEDICAL TENT.

- I MEAN, IN TERMS OF US.

- I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE TO PASS.

- YOUR LOSS.

- ARE YOU GONNA HIT THAT? - HIM?

HE ISN'T EXACTLY BOYFRIEND MATERIAL.

- WHO SAID ANYTHING ABOUT A BOYFRIEND?

USE HIM, ABUSE HIM, LOSE HIM.

THAT'S THE MEAGLE MOTTO.

GRAMMIE MEAGLE TAUGHT ME THAT.

SHE DIED AT THE AGE OF 84,

SANDWICHED BETWEEN TWO 30-YEAR-OLDS.

- YOU GUYS SEE ANYTHING? - NO.

- HEY, HEY, HEY, DID YOU FIND HIM?

- YEAH, JERRY. HE'S RIGHT HERE IN MY POCKET.

- DAMN IT. OKAY, HE CAN'T HAVE GONE THAT FAR.

HE'S GOT THE LEGS OF TOM, THE ENDURANCE OF JERRY,

AND THE DISEASES OF JERRY.

GROUND MISSION FAILED.

WE NEED A BIRD'S EYE VIEW.

- YOU WANT ME TO CLIMB ON TOP OF THE FERRIS WHEEL?

- WE'RE EXTREMELY CONFIDENT THAT THERE'S NO CURSE

AND EVERYONE'S GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME TOMORROW, OKAY?

- WOW, FIRST ICE TOWN, NOW THIS.

BAD LUCK REALLY FOLLOWS YOU AROUND, HUH?

- OKAY, I'D LIKE TO START BY ADDRESSING

SOME OF THE FALSE RUMORS ABOUT THE FESTIVAL.

FIRST OF ALL, WE HAVE PLENTY OF FOOD.

THERE'S NO FOOD SHORTAGE.

THERE ARE NOT, AS ONE REPORTER SUGGESTED,

DOZENS OF ESCAPED CONVICTS

MEANDERING AROUND THE CARNIVAL.

AND AT NO TIME WAS ANY PARKS DEPARTMENT WORKER QUOTE,

"FEASTING ON PETTING ZOO ANIMALS."

- YOU WERE IN CHARGE OF WATCHING A TINY HORSE

AND YOU FAILED.

- LOOK, I'M ONLY GONNA SAY THIS ONCE.

WHAT IF LI'L SEBASTIAN IS ON THIS FERRIS WHEEL?

- HOW ABOUT YOU ONLY SAY THAT NEVER?

- LESLIE, HOW BIG OF A DISASTER

WILL THIS BE, ON A SCALE OF 9 TO 10?

- IT WILL NOT BE A DISASTER. IT WILL BE A SUCCESS.

AND I WANT TO LET EVERYONE KNOW THAT,

IN AN ATTEMPT TO BE SENSITIVE TO OUR WAMAPOKE FRIENDS,

WE HAVE MOVED THE SHOOTING GALLERY, PER THEIR REQUEST.

SO, YES, PERD?

- YEAH, THE STATEMENT THAT THIS REPORTER HAS IS A QUESTION.

WILL THAT BE ENOUGH TO LIFT THE CURSE?

- PERD, YOU KNOW AS WELL AS I DO THAT THERE'S NO SUCH--

- OH, MY GOD. - MAN.

- CRAP ON A SPATULA.

- IT'S THE CURSE.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? IT IS THE CURSE.

- WAIT, EVERYONE RELAX, PLEASE.

WE'LL GET THIS UP AND RUNNING IN NO TIME.

- OH. - WHOA!

- JERRY, WHAT THE HELL?

- I DIDN'T DO THIS.

- JERRY'S FAULT. JERRY'S FAULT.

all: JERRY'S FAULT! JERRY'S FAULT!

- OH, MY GOD. I CANNOT CATCH A BREAK.

- YEAH, WELL, I'LL HELP YOU OUT.

I'M GONNA GO. - WHAT?

- I THINK I'M JINXED OR SOMETHING.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- LOOK, YOU WERE TOTALLY FINE UNTIL I GOT INVOLVED.

SO I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GO, OKAY?

I'M REALLY SORRY. I'M THE CURSE, I THINK.

SO I'M GONNA--I'M GONNA--

I'M GONNA GET OUT OF HERE, ALL RIGHT?

- WHEN THEY'RE MISSING THIS LONG, THEY'RE USUALLY DEAD.

- WELL, IF THAT'S TRUE, THEN YOU'RE GONNA

HAVE TO ANSWER TO THE WHOLE TOWN, AND GOD.

- OKAY, YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LET HIM OUT, TOM, OKAY?

NOW STOP TRYING TO BLAME ME.

- JERRY, CAN YOU PLEASE BE QUIET?

I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF NOT TALKING TO ANDY.

- RON, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHY APRIL IS MAD AT ME?

- RON, CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ANDY--

- ALL OF YOU, BE QUIET!

ANDY, SHE'S MAD BECAUSE YOU SAID "AWESOME SAUCE"

INSTEAD OF "I LOVE YOU TOO."

APRIL, HE LOVES YOU. STOP BEING A CHILD.

TOM, YOU'RE CLEARLY AT FAULT HERE.

BLAMING JERRY WON'T SAVE YOU.

JERRY, WE BOTH KNOW YOU WERE SHOTGUNNING FUNNEL CAKES

INSTEAD OF WATCHING LI'L SEBASTIAN.

SO EVERYONE APOLOGIZE TO EVERYONE ELSE!

- I'M SORRY, TOM. - I'M SORRY, JERRY.

- I'M SORRY. - I'M SORRY.

- I DO LOVE YOU.

- YOU DO?

- YEAH.

THAT'S WHAT, YOU KNOW, MAKES THE SAUCE SO AWESOME.

- AW, JERRY JUST FARTED!

- I'M VERY UPSET. I GET NERVOUS.

- HEY, LESLIE, THE GENERATOR'S SHOT.

- NO, I GOT THE TMK-2500

SPECIFICALLY FOR THE EXTRA CAPACITY.

- WOW, YOU KNOW YOUR STUFF. YOU SINGLE?

- NOT NOW, ED. HOW COULD THAT HAPPEN?

- ALL THOSE TV CREWS PLUGGED IN AND OVERLOADED IT.

- YOU KNOW, I KNEW IT. STUPID MEDIA.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

FREEDOM OF PRESS IS FOR THE BIRDS.

OKAY, HOW AND WHERE CAN I GET A NEW ONE

IN, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, NOW?

- THERE'S ONLY ONE PLACE IN TOWN

THAT HAS A GENERATOR THAT SIZE.

- YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

THIS FESTIVAL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY LOVE LETTER TO PAWNEE.

NOW IT'S JUST TURNED INTO A NOTE THAT SAYS,

"I WANT TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE."

- SO, YOU NEED TO BORROW A GENERATOR.

- KEN, I'M COMING TO YOU ON MY KNEES, BEGGING FOR HELP,

MUCH LIKE THE EARLY SETTLERS OF PAWNEE

BEGGED THE WAMAPOKE 200 YEARS AGO.

- AH, BUT THAT WAS-- - A TRICK.

AND OVER 50 WAMAPOKE WERE SLAUGHTERED, I KNOW.

BUT THIS IS NOT A TRICK.

I AM PREPARED TO PUT THE WAMAPOKE HISTORY EXHIBIT

INSIDE THE CARNIVAL GROUNDS,

RIGHT PAST THE ENTRANCE TURNSTILE,

SO THAT YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT IT BEFORE YOU START HAVING FUN.

- HMM, NOW THAT'S INTERESTING.

- IT'S BEEN REALLY AWESOME LOOKING AT YOU.

MOST CARNIVAL NURSES ARE TOTAL GRENADES.

- OKAY, YOU'RE ALL SET. YOU ARE FREE TO GO.

OR YOU COULD STAY HERE AND MAKE OUT WITH ME

UNTIL THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON.

- OH, HELL YEAH.

- BEAT IT, DONNA.

- AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN.

- I'M JUST TRYING TO DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR THIS TOWN,

AND I'M TRYING TO SAVE MY FRIENDS' JOBS.

CAN YOU HELP ME OUT HERE?

- A NATIVE AMERICAN TRIBE MAKING A DEAL WITH THE GOVERNMENT.

HEH, WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

YOU CAN HAVE THE GENERATOR, LESLIE.

- THANK YOU, KEN.

- AND I'LL ISSUE A STATEMENT

SAYING THAT THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED.

- WELL, ACTUALLY, I HAVE ANOTHER IDEA.

- [singing in Wamapoke]

WITH THAT SACRED CEREMONY,

THE WAMAPOKE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED.

[applause]

- WOW, THANK YOU. INTENSE STUFF FROM KEN HOTATE.

AND IN OTHER GOOD NEWS, HE GAVE US A SCARE,

BUT HE'S BACK NOW.

THE ONE, THE ONLY, LI'L SEBASTIAN!

[cheers and applause]

- WE SPOTTED HIM FROM THE TOP OF THE FERRIS WHEEL

AT THE CENTER OF THE CORN MAZE.

AFTER THE POWER CAME BACK ON, WE WENT AND GOT HIM.

IT TOOK US FOUR HOURS TO SOLVE THAT MAZE.

IT TOOK THE HORSE 15 MINUTES.

[chuckling] JERRY'S STILL OUT THERE.

[laughing]

I SUPPOSE I OUGHT TO GO LOOK FOR HIM.

RIGHT AFTER I GET A BRATWURST.

- KNOCK, KNOCK. HEY, HOT LIPS.

I GOT OUT OF HERE SO FAST LAST NIGHT,

I WASN'T ABLE TO SCOOP THEM DIGITS OFF OF YOU.

- OH, UM, YEAH. THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T GIVE THEM TO YOU.

- OH, OKAY. RAGE.

WELL, THEN, UH, MAYBE I'LL SEE YOU AROUND THE HOSPITAL.

I MEAN, I DON'T MEAN TO BRAG,

BUT I'M IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM, LIKE, ALL THE TIME.

- COOL. - I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

- BOOM.

- HE WAS REALLY SWEET, THOUGH.

YOU KNOW, I'M JUST GONNA SEE IF MAYBE HE WANTS TO GRAB SOME--

RIGHT.

- PARK IT. - FINE.

[Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers' American Girl]

*

[train whistle blows]

*

- * WELL, SHE WAS AN AMERICAN GIRL *

- WELCOME. COME ON IN, HAVE FUN.

ENJOY YOURSELVES, LADIES.

- HEY. - HEY, LOOK WHO'S BACK.

- I'M SORRY I LEFT.

I HONESTLY FELT LIKE I WAS CURSED OR SOMETHING.

ICE TOWN, AND NOW THIS.

- ICE TOWN WAS A DISASTER.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE IT WAS PROBABLY YOUR FAULT.

FROM WHAT I CAN TELL,

YOU MISMANAGED THE HELL OUT OF IT.

- WOW, WHY EVEN SAY THAT ALREADY?

- BUT THE POINT IS, THIS PROJECT,

THIS IS AS MUCH YOURS AS IT IS MINE.

IT'S OURS.

AND IT'S GONNA BE REALLY GREAT.

AND I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE.

- WELL, THANK YOU.

- IS THIS THE GUY? - YES, THIS IS HIM.

- [coughing]

- SPECIAL WAMAPOKE CEREMONY.

- [coughing]

- THE CURSE HAS BEEN LIFTED. - OH, WOW. THANKS.

- YEAH. OH, GOSH. YOU'RE FILTHY.

GO CLEAN YOURSELF UP. TRY TO LOOK PROFESSIONAL.

- [coughing]

- HELLO.

ENJOY YOURSELF.

HI. I LIKE YOUR NECKLACE.

HI.

*

Captioning by CaptionMax www.captionmax.com

- MY GOD. HE IS JUST THE BEST EVER.

- YOU'RE THE BEST EVER.

BUT HE'S A CLOSE SECOND, AREN'T YOU, LI'L SEBASTIAN?

- HE REALLY IS AMAZING.

- YOU FINALLY GET IT NOW, RIGHT?

- HELLO! HE'S FANTASTIC.

I TOTALLY GET IT NOW.

I DON'T GET IT. AT ALL.

IT'S KIND OF A SMALL HORSE.

I MEAN, WHAT AM I MISSING? AM I CRAZY?

[all cheering]

- BEN! BEN, YOU JUST MISSED IT. HE WHINNIED.

- OH, YEAH, NO, I TOTALLY HEARD THAT. IT WAS GREAT.