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1
00:00:07,653 --> 00:00:09,405
Why Must I Be a Crustacean in Love?
2
00:00:30,293 --> 00:00:33,091
JINGLE SINGERS:
Call Robo-Rooter if you flush a towel
3
00:00:33,373 --> 00:00:36,285
We also help with an impacted bowel
4
00:00:36,573 --> 00:00:38,052
JINGLE SINGERS:
Robo-Rooter
5
00:00:41,173 --> 00:00:43,004
Now this is progress:
6
00:00:43,253 --> 00:00:46,245
A self-microwaving Bavarian Cream Dog.
7
00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:54,405
Let's just pray I have the energy
to get another beer.
8
00:00:59,813 --> 00:01:02,611
What is this, the Middle Ages?
9
00:01:08,653 --> 00:01:09,722
Look at you.
10
00:01:09,973 --> 00:01:13,568
- You've become a fat sack of crap.
- Sack?
11
00:01:13,853 --> 00:01:17,846
Bender, your beer belly's so big
your door won't close.
12
00:01:18,133 --> 00:01:21,443
- And that doesn't make sense.
- You're coming to the gym.
13
00:01:21,693 --> 00:01:24,287
The gym? Excellent! Excellent!
14
00:01:24,573 --> 00:01:28,452
For some reason, I'm frisky
as a squid on Tuesday.
15
00:01:50,413 --> 00:01:52,210
Who's up for a steam?
16
00:01:53,093 --> 00:01:57,530
Crustaceans don't like steam.
I'll work out with the Nautilus.
17
00:01:57,773 --> 00:02:02,528
- What up, Dr. Z?
- Yo, yo. What's up? Give up the rock!
18
00:02:04,013 --> 00:02:07,050
Coed steam rooms. I love the future.
19
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:10,012
You're in the women's steam room.
20
00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,681
Ah, futuristic.
21
00:02:13,013 --> 00:02:15,811
Look what life was like
before genetic engineering.
22
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,408
The poor 20th-century women.
23
00:02:20,493 --> 00:02:23,087
Hey, handsome. Have room for two?
24
00:02:23,653 --> 00:02:25,006
You wish.
25
00:02:28,573 --> 00:02:32,202
Hey, Leela, look who's the super stud.
26
00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:35,610
Someone must have
turned down the gravity.
27
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:40,887
Give me that!
28
00:02:45,453 --> 00:02:46,727
More weight!
29
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,602
What's that jazz on your head?
30
00:02:52,853 --> 00:02:55,606
Enough questions. More weight!
31
00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:57,721
More!
32
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,966
More!
33
00:03:01,133 --> 00:03:02,452
[ROARS]
34
00:03:03,093 --> 00:03:06,085
Maybe you could
do more reps with less weight.
35
00:03:09,693 --> 00:03:14,403
Looks like Zoidberg's finally
coming out of his shell! Get it?
36
00:03:14,613 --> 00:03:16,012
He's coming out...
37
00:03:27,773 --> 00:03:32,051
Nice and gentle. We don't want
any unnecessary stress.
38
00:03:36,733 --> 00:03:38,132
[BABY CRIES]
39
00:03:38,493 --> 00:03:41,963
- Is there a doctor in the gym?
- I'm a doctor!
40
00:03:42,493 --> 00:03:44,245
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
41
00:03:44,453 --> 00:03:46,444
[BABIES CRYING]
42
00:03:51,973 --> 00:03:54,282
Why's he acting this way?
43
00:03:54,573 --> 00:03:57,804
- He seemed the most normal.
- I am normal.
44
00:03:58,053 --> 00:04:02,205
Amy, take off these rubber bands,
and I'll show you.
45
00:04:02,453 --> 00:04:07,208
Fool me seven times, shame on you.
Fool me eight times, shame on me.
46
00:04:07,493 --> 00:04:10,451
- Maybe he has a parasite.
- Maybe he is one.
47
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:13,293
It's sad when a friend goes nuts...
48
00:04:13,493 --> 00:04:16,883
...and you have to have a clambake
and cook him. Yee-ha!
49
00:04:17,133 --> 00:04:21,331
This won't do.
Let me give old Zoidie a sedative.
50
00:04:22,173 --> 00:04:26,530
- Much better. You can remove these.
- I'll do it.
51
00:04:26,813 --> 00:04:28,724
- Look out!
- Moron!
52
00:04:29,693 --> 00:04:33,242
Hmm. Ooh. Aha! There's the problem.
53
00:04:33,493 --> 00:04:38,692
Give it to me straight. Is it fin rot?
It's fin rot, isn't it?
54
00:04:39,093 --> 00:04:41,607
Relax, chum. It's no problem.
55
00:04:41,813 --> 00:04:44,646
You're just heavy with male jelly.
56
00:04:44,893 --> 00:04:46,167
Blech!
57
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,842
It's mating season for his people.
58
00:04:49,093 --> 00:04:53,325
A time when his behavior
is run by the brain in his rump.
59
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:54,648
Yuck!
60
00:04:54,893 --> 00:04:57,851
- There's one thing we can do.
- I'll boil the water.
61
00:04:58,093 --> 00:05:02,609
We, I mean you, have to rush him
to his ancient home world...
62
00:05:02,813 --> 00:05:06,442
...which will soon erupt in an
orgy of invertebrate sex.
63
00:05:06,733 --> 00:05:10,851
- Oh, baby, I'm there!
- Do you understand "invertebrate"?
64
00:05:11,093 --> 00:05:15,803
It's not the word I care about.
No need to pack pants. Let's roll!
65
00:05:16,293 --> 00:05:19,205
Dr. Zoidberg said I should hold these.
66
00:05:21,253 --> 00:05:23,687
BENDER:
Moron!
67
00:05:41,973 --> 00:05:46,410
Welcome home, old friend!
Just 1 9 hours until the mating frenzy!
68
00:05:50,173 --> 00:05:54,451
- Excellent! Excellent!
- See ya there, Doctor:
69
00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:56,610
That's how you say "Zoidberg"?
70
00:05:58,973 --> 00:06:02,045
You didn't have to point out
his speech impediment.
71
00:06:02,613 --> 00:06:06,208
- You're looking less nuts.
- I'm feeling less nuts.
72
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:11,447
Tomorrow I'll be depositing jelly
in the cloacal vents of a female.
73
00:06:11,733 --> 00:06:13,086
Catch my drift?
74
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,523
- Who's the lobsterina?
- Not sure.
75
00:06:15,813 --> 00:06:19,203
I shall attract one today
with an erotic display.
76
00:06:19,453 --> 00:06:22,445
Your people fall in love so fast.
77
00:06:22,733 --> 00:06:24,803
"Love"? That word's unknown here.
78
00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:29,729
I want a female swollen with eggs
to accept my genetic material.
79
00:06:30,013 --> 00:06:31,287
You and me both.
80
00:06:31,893 --> 00:06:36,045
Ah! My old scuttling grounds.
Let's pull over.
81
00:06:41,613 --> 00:06:46,812
I used to hang out here as a larva.
It looked much bigger then.
82
00:06:49,053 --> 00:06:51,806
Who's the tough guy now, Vinnie?
83
00:06:59,373 --> 00:07:02,410
Look! Outdoor theater!
Let's get tickets!
84
00:07:02,653 --> 00:07:05,087
It's the Ceremony of Claw Plock.
85
00:07:05,373 --> 00:07:08,285
We fight to the death over honor...
86
00:07:08,533 --> 00:07:12,208
...and whether abbreviations count
in Scrabble. They don't!
87
00:07:12,493 --> 00:07:17,169
I didn't come to see two guys.
Where do you do your erotic display?
88
00:07:17,453 --> 00:07:20,013
Same as your species. The beach!
89
00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:26,932
- How do I look?
- Like whale barf.
90
00:07:27,173 --> 00:07:29,687
Then the illusion is complete.
91
00:07:30,453 --> 00:07:34,731
I wonder if they're here
to watch the erotic display too.
92
00:07:35,493 --> 00:07:38,451
Perfect. This ought
to make me stand out.
93
00:07:45,053 --> 00:07:49,444
- Look how silly they look.
- He's no different from you organisms...
94
00:07:49,693 --> 00:07:52,730
...shooting DNA at each other
to make babies.
95
00:07:53,013 --> 00:07:54,207
It's offensive!
96
00:07:55,493 --> 00:07:57,802
Keep your jelly away from my eggs.
97
00:07:59,013 --> 00:08:01,004
So not interested.
98
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,764
I've heard that before.
99
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,645
What's the point?
100
00:08:16,773 --> 00:08:18,445
Why's he still alone?
101
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:22,772
He's a loser, that's why.
The lobster equivalent of Fry.
102
00:08:23,053 --> 00:08:27,205
I can get any girl, any time.
I'm just too busy.
103
00:08:34,453 --> 00:08:35,647
Edna!
104
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:39,528
Edna, it's me, Zoidberg.
Remember? From high school.
105
00:08:40,653 --> 00:08:43,884
My face was covered with barnacles.
106
00:08:44,653 --> 00:08:47,213
I didn't know you were back in town.
107
00:08:47,453 --> 00:08:49,921
I heard you became a rich doctor.
108
00:08:50,173 --> 00:08:52,812
I've performed a few mercy killings.
109
00:08:53,053 --> 00:08:57,763
So, as long as I'm in town,
I was wondering if maybe, well... .
110
00:08:58,693 --> 00:09:03,403
Gee. Yeah, I'm just going through a
lot of things right now, and...
111
00:09:03,613 --> 00:09:06,730
Look, I carry more eggs
than other females.
112
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:11,052
I owe it to our race to pick a mate
stuffed with jelly.
113
00:09:11,293 --> 00:09:13,761
- Maybe a rock star.
- Or a doctor?
114
00:09:13,973 --> 00:09:17,852
I'm sorry. You're just
an inferior male specimen.
115
00:09:18,093 --> 00:09:20,209
Nice seeing you again.
116
00:09:26,173 --> 00:09:30,530
No one will ever mate with me.
Not with a puny claw like this.
117
00:09:30,773 --> 00:09:35,005
Did you see those guys?
They were giant claws with bodies.
118
00:09:35,253 --> 00:09:38,211
- You didn't smell as bad.
- You're right.
119
00:09:38,413 --> 00:09:41,291
My stink gland is weak. Smell!
120
00:09:42,373 --> 00:09:45,331
You gotta fake like you're in love.
121
00:09:45,573 --> 00:09:48,610
Look in her eyes, start crying...
122
00:09:48,813 --> 00:09:51,646
...and say, "I've never been so happy. "
123
00:09:51,973 --> 00:09:54,612
If a guy ever did that, I'd know it.
124
00:09:54,853 --> 00:09:57,651
Wait a second. They've all done that.
125
00:09:57,893 --> 00:09:59,565
Even Sean!
126
00:10:03,093 --> 00:10:06,881
This "love" intrigues me.
Teach me to fake it!
127
00:10:07,693 --> 00:10:10,287
You're on a date.
What do you do?
128
00:10:10,533 --> 00:10:13,491
- Ask her to mate.
- Say she's special.
129
00:10:13,773 --> 00:10:17,322
She's not. She just has
the largest clutch of eggs.
130
00:10:17,613 --> 00:10:19,888
- Well, tell her that. Then?
- Then mating.
131
00:10:20,173 --> 00:10:23,529
No. Make up feelings
and tell her you have them.
132
00:10:23,773 --> 00:10:28,403
- Is "desire to mate" a feeling?
- You're not even trying!
133
00:10:28,893 --> 00:10:34,013
It's all so complicated.
The romance and the lies upon lies.
134
00:10:34,253 --> 00:10:38,610
Don't worry. The love meister
will take you under his wing.
135
00:10:38,853 --> 00:10:41,128
Now there's a bird involved?
136
00:10:43,293 --> 00:10:44,521
Okay, go ahead.
137
00:10:48,693 --> 00:10:50,809
What the...? Dr. Zoidberg?
138
00:10:51,013 --> 00:10:54,562
Your display failed.
Why are you trying to talk to me?
139
00:10:54,853 --> 00:10:55,922
I don't know.
140
00:10:56,213 --> 00:10:58,363
You just want to talk.
141
00:10:58,653 --> 00:11:01,213
I just want to talk.
142
00:11:01,453 --> 00:11:03,250
That doesn't make sense.
143
00:11:03,533 --> 00:11:06,525
That doesn't make sense. But okay.
144
00:11:06,813 --> 00:11:08,849
Tell her she looks thin.
145
00:11:09,133 --> 00:11:12,842
You seem malnourished.
Do you suffer from parasites?
146
00:11:13,133 --> 00:11:15,089
Yes. Thanks for noticing.
147
00:11:15,373 --> 00:11:18,285
- Ask about her day.
- Why would I care?
148
00:11:18,573 --> 00:11:21,212
- You wouldn't. Ask.
- How was your day?
149
00:11:21,493 --> 00:11:25,611
Well, first I got up
and had a piece of toast.
150
00:11:25,813 --> 00:11:28,407
Then I went to the store. And...
151
00:11:28,693 --> 00:11:30,684
Look, she won't shut up.
152
00:11:30,973 --> 00:11:33,771
It's normal.
Just nod and say, "Uh-huh. "
153
00:11:34,053 --> 00:11:37,489
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
- And then you threw an octopus.
154
00:11:37,773 --> 00:11:41,766
It's crazy,
but when you talk this way...
155
00:11:41,973 --> 00:11:45,602
...your obvious deficiencies seem
less obvious.
156
00:11:45,893 --> 00:11:50,603
Your genes seem less detrimental.
You even stink more.
157
00:11:50,893 --> 00:11:52,963
- Ask to mate?
- Third date.
158
00:11:55,133 --> 00:11:57,886
So I returned his artificial heart.
159
00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:01,324
Since then,
I've been called "Honest Bender. "
160
00:12:03,373 --> 00:12:07,446
"I'd like to propose a toast to
coat check number 84. "
161
00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:10,446
- Turn it over.
- Oh. "Edna!
162
00:12:10,693 --> 00:12:14,447
Of all the gross crab monsters
on this planet...
163
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:16,723
...you are the hottest. "
164
00:12:17,053 --> 00:12:17,963
Oy.
165
00:12:18,253 --> 00:12:21,529
- That's the most beautiful thing.
- Yes. Well...
166
00:12:21,773 --> 00:12:25,004
...excuse me. I must powder my flaps.
167
00:12:26,053 --> 00:12:27,202
Me too.
168
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:31,247
I'm confused. I'm feeling
a strange new emotion.
169
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:35,003
Is it love when you care for a female
for reasons beyond mating?
170
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:37,648
No. Must be some alien emotion.
171
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:43,249
He said some dumb stuff.
He's a nice guy. Really.
172
00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:47,042
Fry's been telling him what
to say. And Fry's a...
173
00:12:47,293 --> 00:12:50,285
- Do you have idiots on your planet?
- Fry?
174
00:12:50,573 --> 00:12:55,328
Words of such beauty came from
the blowhole of that hideous alien?
175
00:12:55,613 --> 00:12:56,841
Yeah. What?
176
00:12:57,093 --> 00:13:02,292
Look, never mind the words.
Zoidberg's a doctor. A doctor, honey.
177
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,246
EDNA:
Come in.
178
00:13:22,693 --> 00:13:23,967
Hello, Fry.
179
00:13:24,253 --> 00:13:28,326
Can I interest you
in some surf and turf?
180
00:13:28,613 --> 00:13:33,767
I came to tell you that Zoidberg's
great. He's got jelly out the wazoo.
181
00:13:34,053 --> 00:13:37,250
That is where it comes out.
It's not everything.
182
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:40,286
I know Zoidberg's words were yours.
183
00:13:40,573 --> 00:13:44,725
Teach me to love,
you squishy poet from beyond!
184
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:51,483
I'm flattered. If I did it
with a mud bug, you'd top the list.
185
00:13:51,773 --> 00:13:56,289
Hush, you romantic fool.
Engage your mandibles and kiss me.
186
00:14:03,773 --> 00:14:07,766
Edna? I couldn't stand
it any longer. L...
187
00:14:10,733 --> 00:14:12,291
Fry!
188
00:14:13,733 --> 00:14:15,724
It's not how it looks!
189
00:14:15,933 --> 00:14:18,447
- Her caviar is on your neck!
- But...
190
00:14:18,693 --> 00:14:22,049
It's true, Zoidberg.
We can't hide it any longer.
191
00:14:22,293 --> 00:14:25,046
We're in love,
and we're mating tomorrow!
192
00:14:25,293 --> 00:14:29,730
- What?!
- Fry! I challenge you to Claw Plock!
193
00:14:31,493 --> 00:14:34,883
- English, please?
- A fight to the death!
194
00:14:36,013 --> 00:14:39,562
And if you survive,
we'll make sweet love.
195
00:14:47,693 --> 00:14:49,843
The law is clear.
196
00:14:50,093 --> 00:14:55,292
Fry and Zoidberg shall fight
to the death for the beautiful Edna.
197
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:57,809
But I don't want her!
198
00:14:58,013 --> 00:15:01,562
The tradition of Claw Plock
can't be taken back.
199
00:15:01,853 --> 00:15:06,881
It is a recent tradition, only
1 8 years old, but it is a tradition.
200
00:15:17,773 --> 00:15:22,244
I'm going to rip your swim bladder
out and show it to you!
201
00:15:22,493 --> 00:15:25,963
This is madness!
You're being irrational!
202
00:15:26,253 --> 00:15:29,290
- Of course I am. I'm in love!
- Aw.
203
00:15:29,573 --> 00:15:31,245
- Leela!
- Right, right.
204
00:15:31,493 --> 00:15:33,324
You have to stop this.
205
00:15:33,613 --> 00:15:35,968
Listen, lady. As you can see...
206
00:15:36,173 --> 00:15:40,007
...I'm a highly desirable male
groaning with jelly.
207
00:15:40,213 --> 00:15:44,331
Yet I embrace celibacy
to uphold our crazy traditions.
208
00:15:44,613 --> 00:15:49,004
- One of your friends must die.
- Fate is cruel and unyielding.
209
00:15:49,213 --> 00:15:51,522
And what must be, must be.
210
00:15:51,773 --> 00:15:56,051
Taking bets! 9-to-2 on Zoidberg,
the crab with the jab!
211
00:15:56,293 --> 00:15:59,091
The Great Red Hope! Come on, baby!
212
00:15:59,373 --> 00:16:02,445
It's been years since medical school.
Remind me:
213
00:16:02,693 --> 00:16:06,288
- Disemboweling you, fatal or not?
- Fatal.
214
00:16:06,573 --> 00:16:08,848
Large bet on me in round one!
215
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:13,445
Edna, have you anything to say
before begins the Claw Plock?
216
00:16:13,693 --> 00:16:17,766
I do. Today I got up
and I had a piece of toast...
217
00:16:17,973 --> 00:16:19,804
...then I brushed my teeth...
218
00:16:20,093 --> 00:16:22,687
- Shut up!
- I love you, Fry!
219
00:16:22,893 --> 00:16:24,406
No!
220
00:16:25,653 --> 00:16:28,963
Having guessed what animal
I was thinking of...
221
00:16:29,173 --> 00:16:32,085
...you have first choice of weapon.
222
00:16:39,933 --> 00:16:42,606
- And you, doctor?
- I choose my claws.
223
00:16:42,853 --> 00:16:46,448
I want to chop him here,
in the gonads.
224
00:16:46,693 --> 00:16:48,285
Nobody correct him.
225
00:16:49,693 --> 00:16:52,765
Fry, I've never asked
for anything before... .
226
00:16:52,973 --> 00:16:56,602
When it comes to the ninth round,
let him win.
227
00:16:56,893 --> 00:17:02,013
- It's a fight to the death!
- Suddenly it's all about you! Sheesh.
228
00:17:02,293 --> 00:17:05,205
Please rise for the national anthem.
229
00:17:08,453 --> 00:17:09,602
Uh-oh.
230
00:17:10,853 --> 00:17:14,084
Let Claw Plock begin!
231
00:17:52,293 --> 00:17:54,568
Go, Fry! Die with dignity!
232
00:17:57,893 --> 00:17:59,008
Oops!
233
00:18:03,413 --> 00:18:06,769
No! I can't stand to look!
234
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,606
What?
235
00:18:14,453 --> 00:18:16,125
Fry! Take a dive!
236
00:18:18,773 --> 00:18:21,367
Claw Plock! Claw Plock!
237
00:18:21,653 --> 00:18:26,010
Claw Plock! Claw Plock! Claw Plock!
238
00:18:28,613 --> 00:18:33,812
Fellow fish monsters, I don't want to
question your stupid civilization...
239
00:18:34,173 --> 00:18:38,689
...but will killing someone
with a nutcracker solve anything?
240
00:18:38,973 --> 00:18:43,251
He's my friend. Though a woman
has come between us...
241
00:18:43,453 --> 00:18:45,284
...we'll remain friends.
242
00:18:45,533 --> 00:18:48,491
And do you know why? One reason.
243
00:18:52,293 --> 00:18:56,002
You bastard! I'll kill you!
You bastard!
244
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:07,044
Wait! Stop! Everyone is gone!
245
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,563
Edna? Honey?
246
00:19:16,093 --> 00:19:17,242
Edna?
247
00:19:25,613 --> 00:19:27,251
Oh, my God!
248
00:19:27,493 --> 00:19:29,051
The frenzy!
249
00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:34,492
Oh, the greatest experience
in life and I missed it.
250
00:19:35,653 --> 00:19:37,769
I'm sorry, doc.
251
00:19:44,373 --> 00:19:49,049
The frenzy is over.
How will I get rid of my jelly now?
252
00:19:49,333 --> 00:19:51,449
- I'll lend you this.
- Fry.
253
00:19:51,653 --> 00:19:54,326
- Hey!
- Shoo! Get away. Hey!
254
00:19:54,893 --> 00:19:57,202
What's with the flying jerks?
255
00:19:57,453 --> 00:19:59,887
They feast after the frenzy.
256
00:20:00,093 --> 00:20:03,529
Once my species passes
its genes, it dies.
257
00:20:05,213 --> 00:20:08,410
You choose between
life without sex and death?
258
00:20:08,613 --> 00:20:10,251
- Yes.
- Tough call.
259
00:20:13,293 --> 00:20:16,285
It was nice of you
to let me fix your arm.
260
00:20:16,573 --> 00:20:19,804
Especially after I made
an eel out of myself.
261
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:21,242
- No biggie.
- Yes, biggie.
262
00:20:21,493 --> 00:20:24,291
I felt things I never felt before:
263
00:20:24,493 --> 00:20:27,849
Love, jealousy,
passion for disemboweling.
264
00:20:28,093 --> 00:20:29,890
I owe it all to you.
265
00:20:30,893 --> 00:20:33,851
I pronounce the operation a success.
266
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,328
- Hooray!
- Yeah!
267
00:20:36,613 --> 00:20:41,209
I don't know emotions.
But medicine, forget about it.
268
00:20:41,453 --> 00:20:46,049
Not to nitpick, doc, but
could you take one more whack at this?
269
00:20:46,293 --> 00:20:48,932
For you, my friend, anything.
270
00:20:51,053 --> 00:20:53,044
FRY: Ahh! My legs!
ZOIDBERG: All right...
271
00:20:53,293 --> 00:20:55,443
Third time's the charm.
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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