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1
00:00:07,255 --> 00:00:09,405
Xmas Story
2
00:00:31,575 --> 00:00:34,487
Ladies and gentlemen, Conan O'Brien 's head!
3
00:00:36,775 --> 00:00:38,493
Thank you. Thank you.
4
00:00:38,695 --> 00:00:42,005
Let's get started. Max, play me over.
5
00:00:42,175 --> 00:00:44,245
Aaah! Someone forgot to feed Max!
6
00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:50,614
So, people are getting pretty worried
about this Y2K problem, huh?
7
00:00:50,855 --> 00:00:53,767
BENDER:
No! They fixed that 900 years ago!
8
00:00:53,975 --> 00:00:57,047
Just bear with me.
I'm walking to work this morning...
9
00:00:57,295 --> 00:00:58,808
I doubt it!
10
00:00:59,055 --> 00:01:03,253
Listen, I may have lost my freakishly
long legs in the War of 201 2...
11
00:01:03,495 --> 00:01:06,328
...but I've still got something
you'll never have: a soul!
12
00:01:06,615 --> 00:01:08,128
- Eh.
- And freckles!
13
00:01:12,935 --> 00:01:14,607
Well, I'm out of material.
14
00:01:14,815 --> 00:01:17,204
You can catch me next week
at the Andromeda Chuckle Hut.
15
00:01:17,415 --> 00:01:19,212
Enjoy your breakfast!
16
00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:23,084
BENDER:
Let's face it.
17
00:01:23,295 --> 00:01:28,323
Comedy's a dead art form.
Now, tragedy? That's funny.
18
00:01:28,575 --> 00:01:29,610
Come on, everyone.
19
00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:34,804
Perhaps skiing will help us forget
the moldy old antics of Conan O'Brien.
20
00:01:35,055 --> 00:01:36,852
- Great idea!
- We can only hope.
21
00:01:37,295 --> 00:01:39,126
FRY:
This snow is beautiful.
22
00:01:39,615 --> 00:01:41,446
I'm glad global warming
never happened.
23
00:01:41,695 --> 00:01:45,210
Actually, it did. Thank God,
Nuclear Winter canceled it out.
24
00:01:46,375 --> 00:01:47,490
FRY:
Hi.
25
00:01:47,695 --> 00:01:50,289
Enough of your mindless chitchat!
Let's get going!
26
00:01:50,815 --> 00:01:52,533
HERMES:
Damn it. We're stuck!
27
00:01:52,735 --> 00:01:55,203
At least you're not cold-blooded.
28
00:01:57,095 --> 00:02:00,451
Sweet lion of Zion,
look at the professor go!
29
00:02:07,175 --> 00:02:10,053
[SNORES]
30
00:02:15,415 --> 00:02:17,406
Look out for those trees!
31
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,765
Yeah, yeah, relax. Trees down!
32
00:02:19,975 --> 00:02:21,613
VOICE: Trees down!
33
00:02:22,015 --> 00:02:24,006
Cool. What if you want the trees up?
34
00:02:24,255 --> 00:02:25,813
VOICE: Trees up!
35
00:02:26,495 --> 00:02:28,326
- Trees down.
VOICE: Trees down.
36
00:02:29,895 --> 00:02:31,647
Looking good, meatball!
37
00:02:34,895 --> 00:02:36,965
Excuse me, sir.
You're snowboarding off the trail.
38
00:02:37,175 --> 00:02:40,963
Lick my frozen metal ass.
Ha, ha, ha!
39
00:02:41,175 --> 00:02:42,210
Uh-oh.
40
00:02:42,575 --> 00:02:44,805
[SCREAMS]
41
00:02:55,655 --> 00:02:56,770
- Mommy!
- Help!
42
00:03:02,455 --> 00:03:05,527
You, a bobsledder?
That I'd like to see.
43
00:03:05,735 --> 00:03:07,407
Listen, you filthy crab.
44
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:11,364
1 000 years ago, there was a legendary
team of Jamaican bobsledders.
45
00:03:11,575 --> 00:03:12,610
Yep, I remember.
46
00:03:12,855 --> 00:03:16,165
They came in last at the Olympics and
retired to promote alcoholic drinks.
47
00:03:16,375 --> 00:03:18,809
A true inspiration for the children.
48
00:03:24,815 --> 00:03:26,533
A little help, please?
49
00:03:28,095 --> 00:03:29,847
No!
50
00:03:38,775 --> 00:03:40,128
Oh, what the hell.
51
00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:41,569
[SCREAMS]
52
00:03:42,735 --> 00:03:43,770
[CRASHES]
53
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:50,204
You poor man. What happened to you?
54
00:03:50,455 --> 00:03:54,243
Well, I was on the triple-diamond
slope when suddenly...
55
00:03:54,495 --> 00:03:55,723
Oh, excuse me.
56
00:03:55,975 --> 00:03:57,328
Hello, there.
57
00:03:58,975 --> 00:04:00,374
[SNORES]
58
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,014
Oh!
59
00:04:08,895 --> 00:04:13,810
Nothing like a warm fire
and a Super Soaker of fine cognac.
60
00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:17,444
Really puts you
in the Christmas spirit.
61
00:04:17,695 --> 00:04:19,094
- What-mas?
- Christmas.
62
00:04:19,295 --> 00:04:21,604
You know, "X-M-A-S. "
63
00:04:21,815 --> 00:04:26,013
You mean Xmas. You must be using
an archaic pronunciation.
64
00:04:26,215 --> 00:04:28,126
Like when you say "ask"
instead of "ax. "
65
00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:30,007
Xmas, huh?
66
00:04:30,815 --> 00:04:34,410
You know, this'll be my first Xmas
away from home.
67
00:04:35,055 --> 00:04:36,613
Let me ax you something.
68
00:04:36,855 --> 00:04:39,653
Would it cheer you up
if we go get an Xmas tree?
69
00:04:39,895 --> 00:04:42,204
Yeah! An old-fashioned Xmas tree.
70
00:04:42,815 --> 00:04:45,045
FRY:
These aren't Xmas trees!
71
00:04:46,615 --> 00:04:48,651
They're like a pine tree.
72
00:04:48,855 --> 00:04:52,211
Pine trees have been extinct
for 800 years, Fry.
73
00:04:52,415 --> 00:04:57,205
Gone the way of the poodle
and your primitive notions of modesty.
74
00:04:58,015 --> 00:04:59,846
Ah! Brisk.
75
00:05:00,055 --> 00:05:02,250
This isn't the way Christmas
is supposed to be.
76
00:05:02,495 --> 00:05:04,770
- There, there.
- Everything's changed.
77
00:05:04,975 --> 00:05:07,011
That's not true.
78
00:05:21,815 --> 00:05:25,046
Oh Xmas treeOh Xmas tree
79
00:05:25,295 --> 00:05:28,810
Bah boo bee boo bah bee bow
80
00:05:31,215 --> 00:05:32,250
Ow!
81
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:35,612
Every Christmas, my mom'd get a goose
for goose burgers.
82
00:05:35,815 --> 00:05:40,093
My dad'd whip up his special eggnog
out of bourbon and ice cubes.
83
00:05:40,295 --> 00:05:41,125
[CRASH]
84
00:05:41,415 --> 00:05:44,452
This dumb holiday just makes me think
of all I left behind.
85
00:05:44,695 --> 00:05:48,244
- Let's just stop talking about Xmas.
- Happy Xmas, Xmas people!
86
00:05:48,495 --> 00:05:51,646
Xmas cards have arrived! Xmas!
87
00:05:51,895 --> 00:05:55,171
Amy, there you go. Fry. Professor.
Zoidberg.
88
00:05:55,375 --> 00:05:56,808
A mighty haul for Bender.
89
00:05:57,055 --> 00:06:00,411
Yes, I got the most! I win Xmas!
90
00:06:00,615 --> 00:06:04,210
And last but not least,
the sweet flower of the office:
91
00:06:04,455 --> 00:06:06,810
Me. Hermes Conrad.
92
00:06:12,775 --> 00:06:14,493
Ah, a picture of my mommy.
93
00:06:14,895 --> 00:06:16,089
Huh? What's this?
94
00:06:16,295 --> 00:06:19,412
A card from my cousin Zoidfarb.
95
00:06:20,655 --> 00:06:23,215
Instead of Claus, he writes "Claws. "
96
00:06:23,415 --> 00:06:28,330
Now that's humorous. Today's comedians
could learn from this card.
97
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:52,248
What's the point of Xmas when everyone
you know died 1 000 years ago?
98
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:54,406
I'm the Ioneliest person on Earth.
99
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,606
Leela, how about a little sympathy?
100
00:07:01,695 --> 00:07:03,526
Yoiks! What was that about?
101
00:07:03,735 --> 00:07:05,726
She's an orphan.
102
00:07:05,975 --> 00:07:10,048
Yes. And the only one of her species
in all the known universe.
103
00:07:10,295 --> 00:07:11,853
What a Ionely life.
104
00:07:13,495 --> 00:07:15,611
My God, poor Leela.
105
00:07:15,855 --> 00:07:20,531
Heard you needed cheering up.
Well, old Bender will make you laugh.
106
00:07:21,055 --> 00:07:22,613
Look at me, look!
107
00:07:22,815 --> 00:07:24,328
Boo-daba-boo!
Be-da-boo!
108
00:07:27,455 --> 00:07:30,094
Man. I got to work on my act.
109
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:35,723
I feel like a rat.
110
00:07:35,975 --> 00:07:39,854
I've been whining like a pig
while Leela was Ionely as a frog.
111
00:07:40,095 --> 00:07:43,007
- I could kick myself.
- I'll do it for you.
112
00:07:43,695 --> 00:07:46,653
- Thanks.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
113
00:07:46,895 --> 00:07:50,410
You'd have to be blind not to notice
that Leela's a Cyclops.
114
00:07:50,655 --> 00:07:52,805
- Fry's over there, man.
- Oh?
115
00:07:55,775 --> 00:08:00,803
Xmas Eve. Another pointless day
where I accomplish nothing.
116
00:08:02,975 --> 00:08:05,967
The holiday season is a timeof celebration for most.
117
00:08:06,175 --> 00:08:09,929
But it's also a time to remember thesad suffering of the less fortunate.
118
00:08:10,175 --> 00:08:13,167
Earthlings do not yet know suffering.
119
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:19,965
Earlier today, I visited a shelterfor down-and-out robots.
120
00:08:20,495 --> 00:08:22,486
Homeless robots, too poor to afford...
121
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:25,727
... even the basic alcohol they needto fuel their circuits.
122
00:08:25,975 --> 00:08:27,408
Is there anything sadder?
123
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:30,846
Only drowning puppies. And therewould have to be a lot of them.
124
00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:33,530
Where you going, Bender?
125
00:08:33,735 --> 00:08:36,568
To volunteer at a liquor kitchen
for homeless robots.
126
00:08:36,775 --> 00:08:39,608
Right. As if you ever did
anything charitable.
127
00:08:39,815 --> 00:08:42,807
I'm very generous.
What about that time I gave blood?
128
00:08:43,015 --> 00:08:45,210
- Whose blood?
- Some guy's.
129
00:08:45,455 --> 00:08:48,447
I've got to do something to show Leela
how sorry I am.
130
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,253
So, what's the problem?
131
00:08:50,495 --> 00:08:54,613
Simply get down on your claws
and do the apology dance.
132
00:08:56,095 --> 00:08:59,690
So it's left, left, right... .
Wait! I have a better idea.
133
00:09:00,095 --> 00:09:02,404
I'll go out and get her
the perfect Xmas present.
134
00:09:02,655 --> 00:09:05,613
Something so great
she'll never be unhappy again.
135
00:09:05,815 --> 00:09:09,046
- Just be back by sundown, man.
- We'll see. I like to haggle.
136
00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:11,889
You can't stay out on Xmas Eve.
You'll be killed!
137
00:09:12,095 --> 00:09:15,724
- Say what?
- He doesn't know about Santa Claus!
138
00:09:15,935 --> 00:09:18,495
I know about Santa Claus.
139
00:09:18,695 --> 00:09:23,007
Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot
Company built a robotic Santa...
140
00:09:23,255 --> 00:09:25,644
...to determine who'd been naughty
and who'd been nice...
141
00:09:25,895 --> 00:09:28,011
...and distribute presents
accordingly.
142
00:09:28,215 --> 00:09:29,694
But something went wrong.
143
00:09:29,935 --> 00:09:32,449
Wow. 2801. Anyway...
144
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,008
Wait, you fool!
145
00:09:34,215 --> 00:09:37,844
Due to a programming error,
Santa's standards were set too high...
146
00:09:38,095 --> 00:09:40,814
...and he invariably judges everyone
to be naughty.
147
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:43,609
If he catches you after dark,
he'll chop off your head...
148
00:09:43,855 --> 00:09:46,927
...and stuff your neck full of toys
from his sack of horrors!
149
00:09:48,255 --> 00:09:49,574
[GULPS]
150
00:09:49,775 --> 00:09:51,493
Nice meeting you.
151
00:09:57,895 --> 00:10:01,683
Welcome, brother. May the blessings
of the season be upon you.
152
00:10:01,895 --> 00:10:06,207
I'm one of those lazy homeless bums
I've been hearing about.
153
00:10:06,455 --> 00:10:08,810
Can you point me to the free booze?
154
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:10,767
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
155
00:10:13,495 --> 00:10:17,010
I really like this girl but she thinks
I'm a jerk. Can you help me?
156
00:10:17,215 --> 00:10:19,251
There's a suicide booth
in the Food Court.
157
00:10:19,495 --> 00:10:20,928
Though there's a line
this time of year.
158
00:10:21,175 --> 00:10:22,528
No, I need to get her a gift.
159
00:10:22,735 --> 00:10:24,691
And I need it before sundown.
160
00:10:24,895 --> 00:10:26,806
You can't go wrong
with something traditional.
161
00:10:27,015 --> 00:10:31,805
A surface-to-Santa rocket launcher.
Comes with 3 jolly-seeking missiles.
162
00:10:32,095 --> 00:10:34,973
- That's funny.
- Careful, sir.
163
00:10:40,055 --> 00:10:44,048
Oh, yeah. You filthy hobos sure know
how to live.
164
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:47,810
Hey, chief? Someone's stealing
your handkerchief full of crap.
165
00:10:49,975 --> 00:10:50,964
Excuse me, sir.
166
00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:52,733
Might I have a sip of booze?
167
00:10:53,215 --> 00:10:57,003
I'm sorry, Tinny Tim.
Seems we ran out early tonight.
168
00:10:57,215 --> 00:10:58,330
I understand.
169
00:10:59,895 --> 00:11:02,807
My God, that poor kid.
Ha, ha, ha!
170
00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:06,931
You're the last store open.
I need something for my friend, Leela.
171
00:11:08,055 --> 00:11:09,044
[GROANS]
172
00:11:10,215 --> 00:11:10,886
[GROANS]
173
00:11:12,175 --> 00:11:13,130
[GROANS]
174
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:16,288
- Just give me your best animal.
- Best is a matter of opinion.
175
00:11:16,615 --> 00:11:18,412
I personally like the electric snail.
176
00:11:19,735 --> 00:11:23,444
That's a stupid animal. You're stupid.
I said I want the best one.
177
00:11:23,695 --> 00:11:26,004
Which costs more,
the parrot or the lizard?
178
00:11:26,255 --> 00:11:28,815
The lizards are a buck each.
The parrot is $500.
179
00:11:29,015 --> 00:11:31,245
That's a hell of a good parrot.
180
00:11:31,495 --> 00:11:34,612
Although, I could get 500 lizards
for the same price.
181
00:11:34,855 --> 00:11:36,288
Girls like swarms of lizards, right?
182
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:39,089
Sir, the store is closing
in 2 minutes.
183
00:11:39,295 --> 00:11:41,411
Okay. I'll take the 500 lizards.
184
00:11:41,655 --> 00:11:46,012
No, wait. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes!
185
00:11:46,255 --> 00:11:47,529
The parrot!
186
00:11:49,895 --> 00:11:53,205
I spent every penny I had,
but I bet Leela's going to love you.
187
00:11:53,415 --> 00:11:54,768
[SQUAWKS]
188
00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:57,409
You're quite the talker, huh?
189
00:11:58,015 --> 00:11:59,607
Shut the hell up!
Ow!
190
00:12:01,215 --> 00:12:03,775
Stupid bird! I know where you live!
191
00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:12,929
Hey, it's Leela!
192
00:12:13,135 --> 00:12:16,650
Sorry I stormed out before.
I didn't mean to ruin everyone's Xmas.
193
00:12:16,855 --> 00:12:18,447
You were gone?
194
00:12:18,655 --> 00:12:21,806
I get tired of Fry
always only thinking of himself.
195
00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:22,925
I hear that.
196
00:12:23,135 --> 00:12:28,163
I ax him to set the table. And he goes
out to buy you a present. Selfish dog.
197
00:12:28,375 --> 00:12:31,253
Wait. He's still out?
His life's in danger!
198
00:12:31,495 --> 00:12:33,406
- Why?
- I'm telling you why.
199
00:12:33,615 --> 00:12:36,413
Santa Claus is coming to town!
200
00:12:44,855 --> 00:12:45,844
All right, bird.
201
00:12:46,255 --> 00:12:51,249
You thought you'd beat me in a game
of wits, but you just met your equal.
202
00:12:58,415 --> 00:12:59,564
[GULPS]
203
00:13:14,055 --> 00:13:15,044
Cornered!
204
00:13:21,455 --> 00:13:22,490
[SCREAMS]
205
00:13:22,655 --> 00:13:23,974
Phew!
206
00:13:32,215 --> 00:13:34,649
- Hi, there.
- Leela? Oh, my God.
207
00:13:34,895 --> 00:13:38,490
You saved my life.
I am going to get you so many lizards.
208
00:13:40,655 --> 00:13:42,611
You didn't need to buy me a present.
209
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,811
I just wanted to make you happy.
210
00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:48,605
I miss my family,
but you never even had a family.
211
00:13:48,815 --> 00:13:51,249
It's okay.
You're Ionely, and I'm Ionely.
212
00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:54,407
But together, we're Ionely together.
213
00:13:54,655 --> 00:13:58,204
- Merry Xmas, Leela.
- Merry Xmas.
214
00:13:58,375 --> 00:13:59,649
[METAL CLANKING]
215
00:14:01,415 --> 00:14:03,371
Oh, boy! It's Santa!
216
00:14:03,775 --> 00:14:07,404
Ho, ho, ho!
217
00:14:11,775 --> 00:14:15,324
You've been very naughty,
Fry and Leela. I checked my list.
218
00:14:15,535 --> 00:14:16,445
Well, check it twice.
219
00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:19,044
I perform over 50 mega-checks
per second.
220
00:14:19,255 --> 00:14:22,486
You're both naughty for disregarding
each others' feelings.
221
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:26,051
But we set things right. Fry even
risked his life to get me a present.
222
00:14:26,255 --> 00:14:28,405
But what about your other co-workers?
223
00:14:28,615 --> 00:14:32,972
Did either of you ever stop to think
about Doctor Zoidberg's feelings?
224
00:14:33,135 --> 00:14:34,045
No, I swear!
225
00:14:34,255 --> 00:14:38,726
Santa has something very special
in his sack for you.
226
00:14:40,895 --> 00:14:43,125
Ho, ho, ho!
227
00:14:46,455 --> 00:14:49,333
So lock the door and hit the floor
228
00:14:49,535 --> 00:14:51,605
Because Santa Claus comes tonight
229
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,772
- Go away.
- Whoa. Hold on.
230
00:14:54,975 --> 00:14:58,206
What about the traditional glass
of hard cider?
231
00:14:58,655 --> 00:15:02,204
Oh, all right. But just one glass.
232
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,408
[DRINKING]
233
00:15:09,695 --> 00:15:11,606
Okay, that's enough.
234
00:15:12,095 --> 00:15:15,007
I said, that's enough!
235
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:16,204
Get her purse!
236
00:15:27,695 --> 00:15:30,289
Let us live! We'll put out
cookies for you!
237
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:33,214
You dare bribe Santa?
238
00:15:33,415 --> 00:15:37,090
I'll shove coal so far up your
stocking, you'll cough up diamonds!
239
00:15:51,415 --> 00:15:52,768
We're trapped.
240
00:15:53,015 --> 00:15:56,530
I never thought it'd end this way,
gunned down by Santa Claus.
241
00:15:56,735 --> 00:15:58,134
Honestly, I didn't see it coming.
242
00:16:00,935 --> 00:16:03,608
- Goodbye, Fry.
- Goodbye, Leela.
243
00:16:04,295 --> 00:16:06,809
Hey, look. We're under the mistletoe.
244
00:16:12,375 --> 00:16:16,209
Your mistletoe is no match
for my T.O.W. missile.
245
00:16:25,655 --> 00:16:28,533
Your present may need some assembly.
246
00:16:28,735 --> 00:16:32,125
On the fourth day of XmasI stole from that lady
247
00:16:32,495 --> 00:16:33,689
Four family photos
248
00:16:33,895 --> 00:16:35,214
Three jars of pennies
249
00:16:35,415 --> 00:16:36,848
Two former husbands
250
00:16:37,095 --> 00:16:40,804
And a slipper on a shoe tree
251
00:16:42,295 --> 00:16:43,569
Oh, thank you!
252
00:16:43,855 --> 00:16:46,050
- Help!
- Somebody help us!
253
00:16:46,295 --> 00:16:48,729
It's humans!
Shall we mug them, robot, sir?
254
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:52,604
No, wait. I know these guys.
They got nothing!
255
00:16:53,935 --> 00:16:56,051
Ho, ho, ho!
256
00:16:56,935 --> 00:16:59,005
You've been very naughty, Bender!
257
00:16:59,215 --> 00:17:01,968
I didn't do nothing.
You're thinking of the kid.
258
00:17:02,175 --> 00:17:05,053
My God, Bender. Framing an orphan?
259
00:17:05,255 --> 00:17:09,885
That's so naughty I'll have to add it
to my list right now.
260
00:17:10,695 --> 00:17:12,413
Framing... .
261
00:17:13,055 --> 00:17:14,124
I...
262
00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:15,649
...N...
263
00:17:15,895 --> 00:17:17,806
...G... .
264
00:17:20,895 --> 00:17:22,487
Amy, this is for you.
265
00:17:22,695 --> 00:17:25,084
A set of combs
for your beautiful hair.
266
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,047
Oh, that's so sweet.
267
00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:31,334
But I sold my hair to a wigmaker
to buy a set of combs for Hermes.
268
00:17:31,575 --> 00:17:32,928
Oh, the irony.
269
00:17:33,175 --> 00:17:36,565
I sold my hair so I could buy
this third set of combs for Zoidberg.
270
00:17:36,775 --> 00:17:37,685
Thank you.
271
00:17:37,895 --> 00:17:40,125
These'll come in handy
for my new hair.
272
00:17:41,295 --> 00:17:44,253
Finally I look as pretty as I feel.
273
00:17:44,455 --> 00:17:45,854
Help!
274
00:17:50,855 --> 00:17:53,415
Oh, dear, they'll be killed
on our doorstep.
275
00:17:53,655 --> 00:17:57,204
And there's no trash pickup
till January 3rd.
276
00:17:58,575 --> 00:18:00,372
[THUD]
277
00:18:00,575 --> 00:18:03,328
Sweet manatee of Galilee!
He's on the roof!
278
00:18:05,095 --> 00:18:07,609
Quick! The armor-plated chimney cover!
279
00:18:10,135 --> 00:18:11,124
Push! Push!
280
00:18:11,335 --> 00:18:12,404
Use teamwork!
281
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:21,807
Oh, dear! Oh, dear!
282
00:18:25,695 --> 00:18:29,051
You've all been very naughty.
Very naughty, indeed.
283
00:18:29,295 --> 00:18:30,694
Except you, Doctor Zoidberg.
284
00:18:30,895 --> 00:18:34,410
- This is for you.
- A pogo stick.
285
00:18:35,775 --> 00:18:40,246
As for the rest of you, I'll tear off
your skin like wrapping paper...
286
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:42,929
...and deck the halls with your guts.
287
00:18:43,135 --> 00:18:46,047
Yeah? Well, I don't believe
in Santa Claus.
288
00:18:46,255 --> 00:18:50,328
Come on, everybody. If you don't
believe in him, he can't hurt you.
289
00:18:50,575 --> 00:18:52,611
Oh, God, the pain!
290
00:18:52,775 --> 00:18:53,764
Ho, ho, ho!
291
00:18:53,975 --> 00:18:59,811
Time to get jolly
on your naughty asses. Ho, ho, ho!
292
00:19:00,895 --> 00:19:04,331
Watch out, his belly's shaking
like a bowl full of nitroglycerine.
293
00:19:06,215 --> 00:19:08,524
- Rudolph's nose!
- He's going to blow!
294
00:19:37,695 --> 00:19:39,925
Good thing I got us out of that one.
295
00:19:40,135 --> 00:19:42,205
Xmas dinner, everyone.
296
00:19:43,575 --> 00:19:46,453
Bender, where did you get that bird?
297
00:19:46,695 --> 00:19:49,653
I found it lying in the street,
like all the food I cook.
298
00:19:49,895 --> 00:19:51,806
Dig in, everyone!
299
00:19:54,295 --> 00:19:56,365
- Thank you, sir.
- You got the toenail.
300
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:04,013
[BELCHES]
301
00:20:04,255 --> 00:20:05,085
Oh!
302
00:20:05,295 --> 00:20:07,172
Look, the food isn't what's important.
303
00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:08,364
I'm so hungry.
304
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:11,408
The important thing is,
we're all together for Xmas.
305
00:20:11,615 --> 00:20:15,051
And even though I'm surrounded by
robots and monsters and old people...
306
00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:17,213
...I've never felt more at home.
307
00:20:17,455 --> 00:20:21,528
Hear, hear! Now, let's all of us
shut up and sing!
308
00:20:22,695 --> 00:20:24,811
He knows when you are sleeping
309
00:20:25,095 --> 00:20:27,211
He knows when you're on the can
310
00:20:27,455 --> 00:20:31,653
He'll hunt you down and blast your assFrom here to Pakistan
311
00:20:32,415 --> 00:20:34,610
You'd better not breatheYou'd better not move
312
00:20:34,855 --> 00:20:36,925
You're better off deadI'm telling you, dude
313
00:20:37,295 --> 00:20:41,174
Santa Claus is gunning you down
314
00:20:44,095 --> 00:20:47,405
Merry Xmas, everyone!
315
00:21:08,055 --> 00:21:12,128
I'll be back.
Back when you least expect it.
316
00:21:12,335 --> 00:21:16,010
Next Xmas!
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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