Original subtitles

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[roaring]

[upbeat music]

-I'm busting you and putting you away for good.

-Don't worry about me.

I ain't going to get caught

and go to prison.

-Oh Louis, I'm not worried, are you worried?

-If you wanna know the truth,

the only one I'm worried about is my ex-wife.

-You're worried?

I'm worried!

That one's crazy!

-Ever since she's caught me in bed with Angelica,

she's been intent on killing us!

Yeah, yeah, I'm listening to you.

[gunshot]

Yeah, yeah, in fact,

I'm having someone come in tomorrow

to put in bullet-proof windows.

This dumb parrot.

Paid 500 for him and all he does is play dead.

Yeah, yeah, I'm listening to you.

I know the heat's coming down on me.

But the feds ain't got a thing on me!

She doesn't know she signed the contracts.

[laughing]

She thinks I'm helping with her penmanship.

I'm pretty smart, huh?

Hey, Polly, you want a cracker?

Hey, Polly!

You want a cracker?

Dumb bird.

I'm not going to jail, okay?

That's the beauty part of it!

She's got Angelica, that's who!

-Hey, boss...

[gunshot]

-Well, that's why I'm the boss!

Shut up!

Don't you ever call her stupid again.

You got that?

-Louis?

-I told you,

always wear your glasses when you're near me!

[romantic music]

-Is everything okay, poopsie?

Shut up!

-You're upset.

Maybe I can do something...

to make you feel all better.

[zipping sound]

Poopsie, I've never seen you so excited before.

-Don't ever touch this again.

-Oh yeah, don't blow a fuse.

I should've known that was your gun.

Why do you always carry a gun around?

-Why do you always ask me so many stupid questions?

I'm sorry, doll.

The feds have been coming down on me.

They think I'm embezzling!

-Poopsie.

I don't like to see you get so excited.

[Louis] Oh!

You could have fooled me.

[laughing]

Oh, poopsie.

[Angelica] And I refuse to make love with my glasses on.

-Put those back on,

you're a walking accident without them!

-I'm yours, baby!

[glass shattering]

[clatter]

Is everything okay?

-Don't move.

Just take two steps backwards.

Do it!

Sit down on the bed.

[gunshot]

[grunting]

-Louis!

Louis, you're so passionate!

You're so stiff!

Poopsie...

That was the absolute best you ever were.

And I'm not just saying that.

[groaning]

[screaming]

You know, poopsie?

I really owe you a lot.

You took me off the streets...

taught me self-defence.

How to detonate bombs, pick locks.

But, well...

something's been bothering me.

See, we don't communicate with each other.

I mean, I don't know who you are, where you're from.

I don't know anything about you!

And every time I asked you a question about yourself,

you told me to quit asking so many questions.

I think you're really insensitive

and I don't like it.

I also don't like it when you tell me

to shut up all the time.

You can be very cold and heartless.

I don't like your big smelly cigars,

I don't like you leaving the toilet set up,

and I don't like it when you joke around

and take your teeth out.

There.

Now, don't you feel better that we're communicating?

I certainly do.

-Die, you wench!

[clicking]

You're dead!

[romantic music]

[an agent] Damn it, mister Polk.

That car slipped between us and the limo.

I still think I can slip the microphone into a car.

I think you should put your headset on, sir.

[upbeat music]

Okay, reach across and put the microphone in.

It's gotta go into the sunroof!

-What's going on?

-Watch out, watch out!

[Howard] It's almost there, come on!

Bingo, it's in position!

[a man - microphone] This isn't good, Sally.

You could end up behind bars!

-Nobody's going to put me in jail.

After all...

I'm not caught.

But what I want to know is why he's so intent

on going after me.

There are a lot of corrupt politicians

who have gotten deals approved

and are evading federal taxes.

[a man - microphone] Maybe because he thinks Sally Rich

is a ruthless bitch who abuses everyone in her path.

[crying] -That's just not true!

I said french nails, you cretin!

You're fired!

Get out of here!

[screaming]

How could that FBI chief say that about me?

Phone. -You said it, you're the greatest!

-There's nobody better!

[Sally - microphone] Walter.

I falsified the land development contract, for you.

-That'll be the last criminal act

she's going to be involved in.

-Oh no!

-Somebody's following us.

-Then lose him, you idiot!

-And while you're at it, could you turn up the air?

-You wimp!

[screaming]

[an agent] Sir, this is tough,

I can't get around this stupid car

and our microphone's stuck in the limo's sunroof!

-Help me!

[Howard] Banner, don't lose her!

[upbeat music]

[screaming]

Glad I'm not that guy.

Let's go!

[honking]

[screaming]

[Howard] What's going on?

Hey, how did those two cars switch positions?

-Look out, you crazy lady!

Quickly, we're on fire!

[screaming]

-Arrest her.

Interrogate the chauffeur.

Walk the dog.

-Club... Fed... must... come... down!

[dramatic music]

-How can I help you, chief?

-I'll tell you how.

I pull some strings and get you appointed

as warden at Club Fed.

-You get me appointed to warden?

I thought I got a criminal record.

-That's why you're the perfect man for the job!

I want you to steal money out of Club Fed,

frame one of the criminals, I'll bust the convict,

expose the scandal at a major press conference,

and then Club Fed will be overthrown,

the criminals will have to serve time behind real bars,

and the filthy scum will learn that crime doesn't pay!

-And we could split whatever I steal.

[laughing]

[Burt's voice] You stupid idiot.

I'm going to keep all the money for myself!

[Vince's voice] You stupid idiot.

I'm going to keep all the money for myself!

-Which convict are we going to bust?

-That's my department.

All we have to do is make sure that the person we frame

is naive, gullible, and unsuspecting.

And I know just the person.

[doorbell ringing]

-Gosh, don't tell me!

I forgot to pay the electric bill.

-You stupid, ludicrous liberal jackass!

You're out of here!

[cheering]

[the crowd] Wally, Wally, Wally!

-All right, all right.

Howdy gang, terrific.

Let me introduce my next guest.

He's one of my biggest heroes,

a great American, the director of the FBI,

let's hear it for Vince Hooligan!

Yeah!

[the crowd] Vince, Vince, Vince!

-Vince, let me tell you,

it's really a pleasure to have you on my show.

You know, you've probably heard

about this new federal program which is about to begin,

for the white-collar criminals.

Let me tell you.

Here, you probably see it in this stupid magazine here.

It's...

It's a place called Club Fed.

A very minimum security prison, come on!

Give me a break!

[crowd booing] Let me tell you what I think about this Club Fed!

Scram!

Get this, get this.

Get this, folks.

They feature, at Club Fed,

a revolutionary rehabilitation program!

Gimme a break!

This is ludicrous!

Vince, how do you feel about this stupid thing?

-Wally...

It makes me sick!

[the crowd] Sick, sick, sick, sick!

-These are criminals, not tourists!

They swindle innocent people

out of millions of dollars every year.

And we give them an all expenses paid vacation?

I am so utterly repulsed!

These are criminals, they're the incorrigible,

unredeemable vermin, the scum and dregs of society!

There is no way they deserve this royal treatment,

there's no way this Club Fed program will work!

-Hold on, hold on.

Here, you can probably use this, here.

-Where there is smoke, there is fire.

Where there are criminals, there is crime!

And I guarantee you, my friends,

that one of these criminals at Club Fed

is going to commit a significant unlawful act,

and when that happens, my fellow Americans,

I promise you, when that happens,

Club Fed will be closed down forever!

[cheering]

[the crowd] Wally, Wally, Wally!

[festive music]

[speaking Hebrew]

[a man] Sir, sir!

I got that radio station you wanted.

Here it is, sir.

-Yes, hello?

Uh-huh.

Of course I know how to play the game.

Yes, yes.

That's right.

What's the question?

Whoa, whoa.

What was Lincoln's last words?

-Lincoln's last words?

-Give me five seconds, like everybody else gets.

What was Lincoln's last words?

I got it, hold it, what?

-"Good seats!"

-Don't screw with me, Marty! -I'm not screwing with you!

It's right here!

-"Good seats!"

Yes, of course I know everything.

Yes, I'll put my assistant on,

you just send the money.

You just earned your salary and a $20 000 bonus!

-Sir, I'd like to speak to you about my bonus.

-Bonus? What bonus?

What's happening with the subsidiary, huh?

I want to know what'S happening.

-Can you hold, please?

It's not so great, sir,

we can't do this with the new banking regulations.

It's completely unauthorized!

-You're telling me we can't do it?

-Well, no, I... -Hey, hey, hey!

I'm paying you a lot of money!

Get the subsidiary, make the deal!

-But sir, you could go to jail!

-Jail?

Me?

I would love it!

I'm not going to jail.

Nobody's going to find out.

-When will you ever learn,my son,

that thou shalt not steal.

Well, I think it's time I closed this case and...

Excuse me!

get my well-deserved vacation.

-If convicted, he could face as much as 45 years behind bars.

However, due to his income bracket,

he's a likely candidate for Club Fed,

a highly ambitious and controversial program

that I, for one, am in favor of.

[glass shattering]

[knocking]

-Come in!

-I'm sorry, you probably want to be left alone.

-Help me up, you fool!

-You know, this reminds me of a guy I once knew in Ohio.

-Agent 976, lovely pink puffin aromatic spray.

-Just call me 976.

-976, you've been doing fine work

in the white-collar division I'm proud of you.

I know you're due for a vacation,

but for doing such great work,

I'm giving you a special bonus this year.

A two-week, all expenses paid vacation to Club Med!

-That's great!

Thank you very much, sir.

-Actually, it's not Club Med, it's Club Fed,

but don't worry, they have all the sports

and recreational facilities you could ever want!

-Club Fed?

-No need to thank me.

Actually, there is.

Because while you're having a great time,

I want you to do a little undercover work for me.

You see, I have reason to believe

that one of the inmates is trying to embezzle funds

from Club Fed.

I want you to uncover the guilty party

and come up with evidence of corruption!

-You want me to go to Club Fed for my vacation?

-It's beautiful there, you'll love it!

I want you to go undercover as a corrupt investment banker

who's been arrested for insider trading

and stock manipulation.

Now, don't let anyone know your identity,

not the inmates, not the staff, definitely not the warden.

-I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not really interested

in going to a minimum security prison for my vacation...

-I want you to stay close to this woman and protect her.

From your report, I have a reason to believe

that there may have been an attempt made on her life.

Now, she's our number one suspect,

and if she's the guilty party,

I want her alive.

[romantic music]

[kissing sounds]

What are you doing?

What's the matter with you?

-Sorry, I thought you were someone else.

-Agent 976, lovely pink puffin aromatic spray,

I'm depending on you...

Be careful.

Although Club Fed is a magnificent resort,

it's also a haven for sin, immorality and inequity.

-Well, I better take this with me then, sir.

-Now remember, stay close to that woman

and keep your eyes open at all times.

And uncover any signs of corruption that you may find.

And also, don't forget, have a wonderful vacation!

-Sure I will.

-Ah, with your help, we're going to close Club Fed forever,

and send those criminals behind real bars

instead of a vacation that some liberal judges

handed them in court!

[knocking]

-Angelica Paziotopolous.

[sobbing] -Yes?

-I have some good news...

and I have some bad news.

The bad news is for the crime of embezzlement

and misappropriation of funds,

I'm sentencing you to 40 years.

The good news is you qualify for a brand new,

luxurious prison which we got waiting for us right now,

can you tell us more about it?

[a man] Yes I can, judge!

There's now a new government plan

that's exclusively for white-collar criminals

who have made at least 200 million dollars a year!

You, Angelica Paziotopolous will be spending

your next 29 999 nights and 30 000 days

at the very elegant and exclusive Club Fed!

That's right, Club Fed.

Translated, that means minimum, minimum, minimum,

minimum security prison.

This place has it all.

Custom-made bungalows,

trained professional personnel on staff

catering to your every whim.

Luxury automobiles at your disposal,

including limousines, ferraris, gremlins,

all with unlimited mileage.

You'll be flown first class to Club Fed

on Take A Risk airlines!

You can use your frequent flyer coupons,

but should you cancel your reservation,

you'll receive another criminal charge.

Club Fed sports activities include

a championship golf course that golf international magazine

calls "an astonishing golf experience

for any incarcerated man."

There's also tennis courts, basketball courts,

a race track, wind surfing, scuba diving...

[Sherman Hemsley] ♪ Club Fed Revival

Exercise bike, three way rowing machine,

low or high impact aerobics classes...

[gunshots]

Get Club Fed souvenirs for that unforgettable gift

for your abandoned family back home.

If you're a nature lover,

you'll dig the Club Fed's magnificent trails.

Currently under construction are the Club Fed studio,

theme park and space center.

No wonder that when criminals think "prison term,"

they think Club Fed!

[Burt] News World Magazine says that Club Fed is

the type of place that people will literally kill for.

Wait, there's more.

Customized bungalows,

the 24-hour bell and room service.

Beauty and hair salon.

-I caught this ordinary criminal trying to break in, sir.

-Hey, I'm no ordinary criminal!

I robbed over 250 7-11s.

-Get him out of here, come on.

Oh, hello, Angelica Pa...

-Paziotopolous.

-Oh, whatever.

I'm Burt Boyle, your warden and host.

-Charmed, I'm sure.

-And this is vice president Kruger.

And governor Tischman.

And our own mayor, Wu Zhao.

[laughing]

I'm very sure that you're going to be happy

with our accommodations.

It's so nice to have such elite criminals

staying with us.

-I'm not a criminal, you got that?

But don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.

Do they take Visa and American Express, here?

[Burt's voice] Uh-huh, that's who the chief is trying to frame.

[arguing]

-Are you free, sir?

-Who is it?

-That Chinese company foreclosed on us, sir.

-Tell them I'm on the crapper.

-They need you to take it immediately!

-Mister Farnsworth! -That's me!

-I'm Jordan Rush from channel PUTZ.

-You're Jordan Rush!

I watch you all the...

this is my assistant, Marty Manche.

Jordan.

-You've been milking people

out of hundreds of millions of dollars.

[Harrison] Millions!

-And you've just been voted

the world's most successful criminal!

-We got it!

We got it, I told you we'd do it!

Woo!

-What do you plan to do now?

-I'm going to Club Fed!

[happy music]

[gunshots]

[screaming]

[a woman] Look, there's Sally Rich.

-Wrong door, you cretin!

You're as bad as your brother!

Where's he headed?

Careful, that's Louis Vuitton luggage,

for your information!

Don't just lie there, pick it up, pick it up!

[sigh]

They're all such little people!

-Let me apologize for the ineptitude, Mrs. Rich.

I'll make sure it never happens again.

-You better, or it'll be your job!

What are you, the head bellboy around here or what?

-Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm warden Boyle, welcome to Club Fed.

[romantic music]

-Hello, warden.

-Call me Burt.

-Only if you call me...

later tonight.

Tell me, warden.

Is there anything a convict can do around here to win...

special favors?

-Why don't you come up and visit me later tonight,

and we'll discuss it?

Meanwhile, I'll...

show you the rest of the grounds.

-Everything?

-Everything.

-Allow me.

-Here we are, Angelica.

the princess suite.

Custom designed to your satisfaction.

-Hello, I'm your princess robot!

I don't make beds, I don't do floors,

and I don't do windows.

-I'm sure even you will find everything to your satisfaction.

Enjoy your sentence here.

-I can't believe all this,

I mean, it's too good to be true!

I don't deserve it.

-Oh, I'm sure you do.

[Angelica] No, I really don't!

See, I didn't commit any crimes.

I'm not bad enough for this place.

-Come on, don't be so modest.

I'm sure you're as dastardly and depraved as they come.

-Gosh...

I must be dreaming.

This is everything I've ever wanted.

A beautiful pink room.

A canopy bed.

And a transvestite,

wearing a pink silk chiffon robe

with variable collar and cuffs.

[soothing music]

I guess I never really wanted a canopy bed.

-Don't tell me.

Am I in the wrong room?

I thought these panties were a little tight.

-And on that note.

-Allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Polk, Howard Polk.

-Paziotopolous.

Angelica Paziotopolous.

[screaming]

There goes my motor control!

-How very enchanting.

[the robot] Uh-oh, here goes my...

-I'm very sorry about the mixup.

I told the bellhop I didn't think this was my room,

but he insisted.

I'll, uh...

just get my things together and leave you alone.

-Well, maybe this is your room.

[Howard] No, I don't think so.

The wallpaper's pink,

there's a heart-shaped bath tub,

and a closet full of cocktail dresses

and formal evening gowns that don't fit me.

Especially in the hips.

-Oh.

Well, if you're absolutely certain...

It was nice meeting you.

-It was my pleasure meeting you.

I'm sure we'll be seeing a lot more of each other.

Since we're both in jail together and all.

[Angelica] Hey.

You'd never tell a girl to shut up, would you?

-No.

Of course not.

-I'm just not used to meeting many gentlemen.

I guess my type doesn't attract them.

-Oh, don't you underestimate yourself.

You're kind and sweet.

And I'll bet you're also great in... board games.

-You know, I did win a spelling game once,

in third grade.

-How would you like to accompany me

to the Club Fed string quartet?

-Yeah!

I'd be honoured.

I'm really looking forward to it, Howard.

[Howard's voice] Don't be a chump, Polk.

She's the number one suspect!

[gong sound]

[Burt, high-pitched voice] Hello?

Is this the Swiss National Pacific Bank?

My name is Angelica,

and I'd like to open up a savings account.

I'll be making large deposits into this account.

I'd like somebody to call me every day at 12PM.

Yes, 12PM Los Angeles time, and ask for me.

My number is 213 550 0824.

You can bill my account.

No, no problem.

I'll fax over all the pertinent information.

Yes, thank you sweetie pie.

[Vince - phone] Yeah, who is it?

-Hey, chief.

The plan's in action.

[Burt - phone] How are you going to bust our convict?

-I told you not to worry, everything's under control!

-Today, a privileged tour

of the great estate of Club Fed.

We offer a fine, wonderful escort service,

and you won't believe the kind of luxury

that money can buy.

We have a beautiful lounge, a lovely bar...

[Burt] Hello, and welcome to Club Fed.

Burt Boyle, your host and warden,

and indeed it's a great pleasure to greet you fine criminals.

Although you've all probably have seen...

all our wonderful opportunities we have here,

this is not a vacation.

You weren't sent here to have a good time.

Club Fed is offering you a revolutionary,

experimental work rehabilitation program.

-I knew there was a catch in this place!

You don't get nothing in this world for nothing.

-Hold on a moment, reverend, huh?

We think you're the best criminals in the world.

We're confident that if we put you back

into the corporate world,

with therapists and licensed professionals,

working with you,

studying and analyzing your business techniques,

you could be transformed into a...

Legitimate successful business people.

-Wait, hold on, wait a minute!

I mean, mister Boyle!

I mean, if we're going to be working out of Club Fed,

I mean, what happens to the money

that we're going to earn?

I mean, who gets that?

-Okay Harrison, good question.

All the money is going to a special account,

and be distributed to various charities

that we set up especially for this experiment.

I am going to administer the distribution.

[laughing]

-Charity?

You're not kidding?

-I think donating the money to charity

is a wonderful idea.

-Well, maybe I should just get someone to break

both of your legs so you'll qualify!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, please, we're a family.

-Hey, wait a minute, this is a golden opportunity

for you to do what you do best,

and that's to earn a great deal of money!

All you have to do is attend class,

work with the counselors,

and then go to group therapy.

-Therapy?

What am I, a nut?

What is this, a medical center?

-You give me back my cable TV show!

I'll heal all you motherfuckers!

-But there's nothing wrong with me.

-No shit.

-Well, if you're not interested,

I can arrange for you to be...

relocated to a maximum security prison.

If you're a little lucky,

the jail cell might have a light bulb.

[Sally] Oh, we love Club Fed.

-Yeah.

-It's great, isn't it?

-I always wanted a therapist of my own.

-Well, folks, enjoy the rest of the week,

and I'll see you Monday morning at 6 am.

[upbeat music]

-Oh, oh, oh!

-This is sacrilegious!

They send you to a federal prison,

and then they expect youto work!

-Hey, it could be worse, you know!

We could be locked up in a jail cell

with a lummox named Brawn!

-That's a coincidence.

My name is Brawn.

-I think we better get this guy to skip

the hot oil bottom massage, huh?

[beeping]

[a woman - phone] FBI headquarters.

-Hello, agent 976 lovely pink puffin aromatic spray.

[a woman - phone] Social security number?

350 407 462.

[a woman - phone] Mother's maiden name? -Stenton.

[a woman - phone] What can I do for you?

-I'd like to speak to the director.

-Okay, I know it's about your motivation...

-Yeah, yeah, what are you doing here?

-You just said you wanted to speak to the director.

-I was talking about the director of the FBI.

Are we filming now?

-Okay, I just wanted to say you're doing a great job.

-Oh, thanks. -Your acting is totally believable.

-It was until this scene.

[sigh]

Uh, line, Anita?

[Anita] "I'd like to speak to the director."

-Thank you.

Bippity boppity boop.

I'd like to speak to the director.

[a woman - telephone] One moment, please.

[Vince - telephone] Hello, agent 976 lovely pink puffin aromatic spray?

What have you come up with?

-Please call me 976.

[Vince - telephone] Okay, 976, what have you got for me?

[Howard] Nothing yet.

But not to worry.

I should be out of here in about one week.

Over.

I don't think we should use the public bathrooms anymore.

-I heard that.

[whistling]

[Burt] Hey, wait a minute Polk,

I want to talk to you a minute.

Who were you talking to in the stall?

[splashing]

Shit!

Don't they flush around here?

-Let's go back to the bungalow.

I've got to check with clients.

-Okay.

But I refuse to work with Warden Boyle again.

Do you know the last time he asked me to dress up

in his great-grandmother's clothes

and beat him with her cane?

-I was wondering where you got

those therapeutic mesh stockings.

Hi boys!

-Oh, do it again!

-Hurt me!

-What could she be guilty of, huh?

What is she guilty of?

-You know, she used to work in the most exceptional,

outstanding and sinful...

escort service in the whole wide world.

You know the vestibule girl?

-That one?

-I'm a religious man, but believe me,

they're unbelievable.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

I've got a little consultation to attend to.

-What?

[laughing]

I don't understand.

He thinks he's such a ladies man.

I don't buy it.

-Oh, reverend!

Wait for us!

-I just don't buy it.

[soothing music]

-Gosh, if I had known it was this formal,

I would have worn underwear.

-Shh!

[popping]

Perhaps you'd be more comfortable

if you went to a wrestling match!

-Do you have a problem?

-Perhaps if the little lady won't be quiet,

the little lady... -Who are you calling "little lady"?

-Excuse me.

Angelica, when you're listening to a string quartet...

you're supposed to speak very softly,

otherwise some people become annoyed.

-Thank you.

-I see.

-It's also not a great time to pop your gum here.

-You're right, Howard, it's very unsophisticated.

[applause]

[coughing]

[knocking]

-I didn't know I ordered room service.

[romantic music]

-I just thought I'd knock on your door and...

find out if you wanted anything.

[Howard's voice] Come on, there must be something around here.

I can't keep calling in, saying, "nothing, nothing!"

Well, hello there.

Let's see.

What's this right here?

-Well, that's a bust.

[Howard's voice] Hello...

-Beat me, whip me, make me howl, make me bark.

-Yeah, right.

[beeping]

-This is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you.

[whipping and howling]

-Wait a minute, Harrison!

You can't leverage that much!

-Well I can, all right?

I do this every day in real life.

-Oh yeah?

Well it's illegal!

-You just integrated downstream, didn't you?

Did you have any capital on the table?

Not a cent!

-Well that is completely different,

because I am a man of the cloth!

And I am doing what the church tells you is good!

-Come on, it's still illegal!

-Tell you what.

Let's make the game more interesting.

-Yeah, you tell me how.

-No more business ethics.

-Come again?

-No more business ethics.

-Now you're talking, brother!

Woohoo!

[laughing]

-Well, praise the lord, I'm back in the game!

-Clean up around here!

That couch is filthy!

And when you're through with that,

I want the windows cleaned, and the floors waxed!

If anyone calls for me,

I'll be in Palm Srings!

[static]

[ticking]

[whimpering]

[phone ringing]

-Hola?

[a man - telephone] Hello?

This is the Swiss National Pacific Bank.

Is this Angelica?

-No comprendo.

-Ow!

-Oh, sorry!

-Oh!

-Sorry!

-It's fine.

-Sorry!

Sorry!

Sorry!

-Angelica, why don't you wear your glasses more often?

I think it would make a really big change in your life.

And everyone else's around you.

-I was told I don't look pretty with my glasses on.

-Angelica, you'd look beautiful in bifocals.

Besides, it's what inside a person that counts.

And inside, you are very beautiful.

-Howard...

It's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

If it doesn't bother you, I'll wear my glasses.

[clapping]

[upbeat music]

[screaming]

-Tonight...

The topic of our sermon will be...

the creation!

And I will be reading from the Latin text.

[speaking Latin]

-Is he speaking in tongues?

[speaking Latin]

Hallelujah!

♪ Tonight we're gonna celebrate ♪

♪ Let me tell my story about creation ♪

♪ The first thing created was a thing called light ♪

♪ If you're scared of the darkness ♪

♪ Here is the light

♪ Look at yourself

♪ Look on the left

♪ To the fear of looking at the darkest of days ♪

♪ Put it in my hand

♪ Put it in my pocket

♪ That's where I like it so just don't knock it ♪

♪ Look at yourself

♪ Look on the left

♪ Look at you all

♪ Look at my a...

♪ If you've got a need, now I can fill it ♪

♪ Got a little hurtin', come let me heal it ♪

♪ Once you feel the power of my touch ♪

♪ You're gonna jump for joy and get rid of that crutch ♪

♪ Oh

♪ Yeah

-Boo yah!

What a lovely sermon.

-Angelica, I'll be right back.

There seems to be a little backstabbing going on here.

-Tomorrow's prayer meeting...

will be for women only!

And the subject will be...

intimacy and procreation.

Hallelujah.

[Harrison] What a sermon, Tessler.

You got them rolling in the aisles up there huh?

-Hallelujah.

You never know when the spirit's gonna move you.

[laughing]

I've never seen this statue before.

How grotesque!

Must be the work of Satan!

-Hey, you know something?

You're perfectly right.

I've never seen anything more hideous and repulsive

in my entire life.

[laughing]

I'm going to recommend

that they dispose of this immediately, come on.

-Today, we're going to begin reading books.

Moby Dick, the story of a whale.

Do you like to read?

-Oh yes, I'm very well read.

And I love animal stories.

One of my favorites is...

The Cat in the Hat Comes Back.

-What about Horton Hears a Who?

-Yes!

Green Eggs and Ham!

-One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish!

And then we'll read Pygmalion.

-Oh, I love pigs!

[upbeat music]

[bell ringing]

[bell ringing]

-Good morning, class.

I am professor Les Pilot.

-Fatso.

-I am here to teach you about ethics.

-This is ridiculous.

You want me to take a class in ethics?

This is a bunch of bullshit!

[screaming]

-Yay!

[screaming]

-Next time, I'll put you in the corner with a dunce cap!

Today, we are going to discuss the approved methods

of behavior in the business world.

Turn your textbooks to page 2943.

-2000...

What, teacher?

-2943.

-Angelica, why do you have a deposit slip

from a Swiss bank in your purse?

[Les] Mister Polk!

If you have something so interesting to say,

maybe you'd like to share it with the rest of the class.

[Howard's voice] WHy does Angelica have a Swiss savings account?

And how could she have made a transaction yesterday

from Club Fed?

Is it possible that I've fallen in love with a criminal?

Are those her real breasts?

And if they're not, do I have to keep them away

from highly flammable areas?

[Angelica's voice] 141, 142, 143...

Gosh, I'll never get to 2943.

[whistle]

[Jezebel] Hello, reverend.

I'm going to be monitoring and supervising

your religioethical proficiency.

[the reverend] What?

You question my divine enlightenment, child?

This is blasphemy!

I could have you stoned.

Or turned into a leper.

-Please, reverend.

It's been a long day.

We're going to play a game

called "suffer the consequences."

If you can prove to me

that you can conduct your affairs legitimately...

you will win the game.

I will step aside and leave you alone.

However, everytime you do something fraudulent,

or unethical...

one of your possessions will be confiscated.

[laughing]

-And what is this?

One of Satan's gay shows?

Can I buy a vowel?

-All right, I think we can begin.

I'm looking for a tax shelter...

and I have about seven million dollars to invest.

-Well, well.

You've come to the right person!

I've got this church I'm about to tear down

on some valuable land in New Jersey!

[buzzer]

-I'm sorry, reverend.

You're trying to defraud me.

Let's see.

I think I'll take your escort.

-Please come with me, ma'am.

-What do you think you're doing?

This is a pious esthete disciple of mine!

and I will not allow her to be manhandled like that!

Young man, you are officially cursed!

-All right.

I think you know how to play the game.

Remember.

Follow the rules, or suffer the consequences.

-Let's see what Harrison is up to.

[Brawn] Now remember, Harrison.

No illegal or unauthorized technique.

Is that understood?

-Yes, it's understood.

I just don't understand, Brawn.

You still think it's necessary

for me to be electronically rigged?

-Shock treatment in rats is always used, yes, rats.

-Rat? Am I a rat?

-Rats are people who do things illegal.

You know, cheat, lie.

[Howard's voice] Better get a little...

Oops, hope nobody noticed.

As long as I'm not too obvious.

Let's see, this is good.

-Now, you know, I don't have the capital

to take out a loan, but...

Do you suppose that you could help me?

What do you think you could do for me?

-You want a loan?

This is Harrison you're talking to.

Don't worry about it.

I will personally oversee your loan, Brawn.

And you'll qualify.

[buzzing]

[screaming]

What was that?

-That was 1000 volts,

and it'll increase each time you do something bad.

Like cheat, steal, lie.

-Are you kidding?

I was just trying to help you out, Brawn!

[whimpering]

-Get your clubs.

[Howard's voice] What is he screaming about?

-Looks like I'm going to use a nine iron,

what about you?

-I don't know, Brawn, I'm in that trap there.

I'll probably use...

a pitching wedge.

-Look, I don't know if I should buy that business.

The numbers don't seem to match.

Are you going to be able to help me or not?

-You need help?

Sure.

Hey, you promise not to tell anybody, Brawn.

I'll get you one for 110%.

[buzzing]

[screaming]

Whoa, whoa!

You don't talk to me anymore!

No more, no!

No loan for you, Brawn!

No more loan!

Look at me!

I'm becoming luminous!

I'm the luminous man!

[Howard's voice] You should punish him for being a lousy golfer.

Oh! Maybe I'll see what's down here.

[buzzing]

I don't get it.

Yeah, I was right.

-This is demonic and profane.

Every deal I propose to raise money

for the poor and the needy, you tell me it's illegal!

Would you please turn up the heat?

-Please be scrupulous, reverend, I beg you.

Nobody wants your underwear.

-All right, I think I have a solution.

I am willing to take a capital gamble

and transfer all the investor's capital

into one of my non-profit organizations.

Now, in a shorter time...

[buzzer]

Does anybody have a fig leaf?

-They took all the furniture!

[organ music]

-Wow, this guy really knows how to live.

-Oh, reverend!

You're not the padre!

-Ah!

Preacher man, thank you so much for setting me free!

Now, let Penny set you free.

Oh, you big man, you!

Hallelujah, brother!

Penny is ready!

-Today, we will begin

our group therapy session,

which will hopefully enable us

to better understand ourselves, who we are,

and why we have chosen a life of crime.

I've decided to focus my attention

on Sally Rich, and I've asked Harrison

and reverend Tessler to roleplay her parents.

-Okay.

I don't know what's the matter with our daughter, darling.

-She's constantly stealing from the charity box

that's supposed to be going to the poor,

underprivileged people in a third-world country!

-What's wrong with that?

-She's really a good girl.

I mean, look, she needs time.

She didn't mean to steal or murder anyone.

-She's also a harlot.

I caught her in bed with the mailman,

the milkman, and the butler.

All at the same time.

-What's wrong with that?

-She's a loving girl!

She gives of herself!

-That's what I'm talking about!

She gives of herself to everybody!

Face the facts, darling.

Our daughter is deviant, unscrupulous,

and a slut.

[whining]

And those are her best qualities.

-Oh!

Thank you!

Oh, thank you!

I can't believe it!

I'm finally appreciated!

-I'm so ashamed!

-I really am!

-I've checked out several of the inmates, sir.

I haven't got anything yet.

-What's the matter with you?

You should have found something by now!

I want evidence, not excuses!

Check the blonde bimbo's room again!

-Don't worry, sir,

if there's anything illegal going on here,

I'll get our man.

Or woman.

[Burt] Hey.

Hey, who are you talking to on the telephone?

-My...

My electrologist.

I have this terrible problem with unruly nasal hair.

As you can see.

-Get away from me.

I don't trust you for a minute.

I don't know what you're up to,

but I swear I'll watch every move you make

until I found out what's going on here.

Don't think I'm not aware

of every little thing that goes on.

-Why don't you buzz off?

-Hey, you!

Remember what I said.

-That guy is a serious asshole.

-Oh, Angelica.

Say it ain't so.

[Angelica] I just wanted to tell you, Howard, that...

being here, at Club Fed...

it's been the greatest time in my life!

And it's because of you.

You're the first person who's ever treated me

with dignity and respect.

You've helped to gain some self-confidence,

and even some measure of grace and refinement.

I think we've both had enough to drink.

Oh, oh, allow me, Howard.

[gagging]

[screaming]

-You know, Angelica...

You should always remember...

that it's a terrible thing to break the law.

You should always try to be a good...

law-abiding person.

-Oh, Howard, you're something else.

I mean, when you've had too much to drink

and your defences are gone,

you become even more honest and decent.

[glass shattering]

It's just another reason why I love you.

Why I admire you so much.

[romantic music]

-Waiter?

-Yes, sir?

-Could you remove this table, please?

-Yes sir, right away.

[screaming]

[phone ringing]

[high-pitched voice] -Hello?

[a man - phone] Ja,this is the Swiss National Pacific Bank,

is this Angelica?

-Yes, it is.

I'd love to transfer some money into my account, sweetie.

[a man - phone] My name is Sully, what is your account number?

-3149212.

[Sully - phone] And you are miss Paziotopolous?

-Yes.

[Sully - phone] Thank you very much.

-Thank you very much.

-Please, Harrison!

-Tess, please stop, you're making me nervous!

-I'm insecure enough!

None of us has even met

this real estate syndicator before.

-You're such a worrybird, Tess, you know that, don't you?

-I can't believe you!

Here we are, doing business legally

for the first time in our lives...

And you look like somebody

who's having a difficult time with menopause.

-Well I'm sorry, Tess.

This is the new me.

I'm merely asserting my femininity.

[knocking]

Oh, dear, Tess, are you lucky you're not a woman.

-Come in!

-Hello, boys.

-Hi. -Howdy-do.

-You must be Fred.

-And you must be abnormal.

-He's just going through a phase.

-Don't apologize for me, Tess.

Let's just cut to the quick, okay?

Everybody knows you're losing money.

Everybody knows that.

Nobody's buying your houses, right?

And the market is dead.

It's a dead market.

So what I've done, I'm about to take...

all of your houses off your hands.

I'm buying everything.

I'm giving you a fair price,here.

Here is the contract.

[clearing throat]

-You've got a deal.

-I'm so proud of both of you.

You have actually made a legal business deal.

Congratulations.

-Oh good, now maybe I can get my shorts back!

-Could you hold on just one moment?

I'm putting my associate on the line.

All right, Angelica, go ahead, close the deal.

-Howard, I can't do this.

I don't have any experience,

and I certainly don't have the background or training

to talk to a vice president of a major company!

-Don't be intimidated.

You don't need any background or formal training

to succeed in business.

All you need is common sense and practical decision making.

You've got that!

Wait, wait, wait.

You can do this all yourself.

You don't need those glasses.

Just try it.

-Okay.

Hello?

This is Angelica speaking.

I want you to get all the employees together.

We've got the funds in place.

Let's get this leverage...

[whispering] -Buyout.

[Angelica] Buyout done.

[suspenseful music]

-Just make sure the chairman of the board

gets his half million in cash.

-Howard!

What are you doing?

You know that's not legal.

-Um...

-Well, well.

I've finally caught you doing something illegal.

I didn't know what it was

but I knew you were up to no good.

We're trying to give people like you a break, Polk.

But you don't deserve it.

You're the scum of the earth.

And I'm here to see that you suffer.

-Yeah?

What are you going to do?

-Hello darling.

-Oh no, not that!

Not Jaja!

-No, no, not again!

[organ music]

-Forgive me reverend, for I have sinned.

-Haven't we all?

-I remember when I was a little baby.

[the reverend] Look, sister.

Save us all a lot of time,

why don't you just ask Him for forgiveness

and we'll call it a day, hallelujah.

-You see, I was the only baby in the family.

My mommy and daddy spoiled me.

They were always bringing me wonderful things,

A toy.

A teddy bear.

A training bra.

-What was that I heard about a training bra?

-They brought me up with good, strong, traditional values.

But unfortunately,

I fell in love with a criminal who framed me.

And I promised myself

I would never let that happen again.

Oh, reverend.

I think I'm falling in love with another criminal.

[laughing]

I knew she couldn't resist me.

-I beg your pardon?

-Listen, sister.

You've got to stop hiding your feelings!

You've got to let him know how you really feel, hallelujah.

-But he's a criminal.

-Look, we're all flesh under the skin.

Now you just ask Him for forgiveness.

Lest we forget!

Covet thy neighbour as I sayeth.

Hallelujah.

[organ music]

[Tess's voice] I think I've got her now.

-Oh, boy, bimbo!

-Now, over here I have something

that I know you're going to love.

It was constructed during the neo-toe-post-pedio period.

It's called "Demon with Large Feet."

-Angelica.

-We have nothing to talk about.

$800.

-$800?

Ma'am, I want you to look at these feet!

-Angelica, I know how upset you must be, but...

I had a very, very good reason for acting the way I did.

-Oh, Howard.

I am so disappointed in you.

I mean you, of all people,

you've always preached to me the importance

of being honest and trustworthy.

Why did you do this?

-I shouldn't be telling you this, but...

I am an undercover agent for the FBI.

-Please don't insult me,

I'm not a bimbo anymore.

$1500.

-$1500!

Do I hear $1700!

-Angelica, if you don't believe me,

here's my identification card.

-Come on, that looks nothing like you.

-Well, that's because I'm undercover now!

-Angelica, I had to protect my cover,

so I pretended to be crooked.

Please.

Please, you've got to believe me.

[Tess's voice] You just ask him for forgiveness,

and we'll call it a day.

-Oh Howard, of course I believe you!

I'm sorry for ever doubting you.

I should have used my common sense.

$2000!

-$2000!

$2000 once, $2000 twice,

$2000, sold!

To the woman sitting next to the undercover FBI agent.

-Angelica?

This is your phone bill from your bungalow.

Apparently, you've been making an awful lot of calls

to Switzerland?

-Not me.

The only long-distance calls I made were...

to South Yemen, Zaire, and Norway,

and it's only because I accidentally dialed

too many numbers.

-Well apparently, all these calls were made

right around noon time.

It's almost noon now.

Why don't we go back to your bungalow?

[Angelica] This is is ridiculous.

-You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?

[speaking Spanish]

-Gracias.

It's a shame that gracias is the only word I speak

or understand in Spanish.

-Me too.

What are we going to do?

If only we had something else to go on

besides deposit slips and my phone bill.

-I have a feeling that any second,

we are going to get a phone call

that's going to help us bust this thing wide open.

[phone ringing]

Yes she is.

May I ask who's calling?

Swiss National Pacific Bank?

What is this regarding?

Really?

Who asked you to call here?

I see.

No, she will not be transferring any money today.

Could I get the number you're calling from, please?

Thank you very much.

-What happened?

-He was told to call this number every day at noon.

-But I'm never here at noon.

-Exactly.

However, someone is picking up this phone

and transferring funds into a dummy account

under your name

I don't have any proof,

but I'll bet that Burt Boyle is implicated

in all of this somehow.

-Warden Boyle?

Why do you think he's involved?

-Well, when you've been doing this as long as I have

you tend to have a visceral, deep-seated, borne,

innate, intuitive, instinctive, inherent,

intrinsic...

I don't know what you call it.

-Premonition?

-For lack of a better word.

I think I'm going to pay mister Boyle a little visit.

Let me hit the party.

This shouldn't take me very long.

-Can I go with you?

-No.

Whoever is doing this is very dangerous.

Angelica, I don't want you involved in this

any more than you already are.

Stay away from Burt's office.

[upbeat music]

-I'm going to skin you alive!

Hey.

What are you doing with all this luggage?

-I'm afraid I'm going off by myself.

I'm going to leave you behind.

But first, I'm going to have to tie you up over here.

-Not too tight, white man.

What are you going to do to me, white man?

You're going to spoil and violate me,

aren't you, white man?

-Okay?

-Hm, great.

Do you know,

I'm originally from Indianapolis?

[knocking]

[muffled speaking]

[muffled speaking]

Take me already!

This foreplay is killing me!

[wood breaking]

-Yes, yes!

-Has anyone of you seen Howard?

-No.

I know this may be a little difficult for you, Tess,

but really, I think I'm worth the wait.

Huh?

-Hm...

-Apparently, Boyle opened up two savings accounts.

One under Angelica's name, and one under his.

He stole money from the Club Fed charity fund

and deposited it into her account

using the phone from her bungalow

when she wasn't there.

Then he later transferred it into his account

using a private telephone!

Everything conveniently leading back to her.

-You did an incredible job!

You accomplished exactly what I wanted you to!

I'm so proud of you,

agent 976 lovely pink puffin aromatic spray.

-Do me a favor, call me Howard.

-Hi, I'm Mina, is this the party line?

-No! -No!

[Nina - telephone] Sorry.

-Say, Howie...

What's the...

Swiss savings account number of Boyle's?

You know, I'll need that to transfer the money

for safekeeping.

-34912.

-Wonderful!

-Dirty double-crosser.

You're not going to get away with that.

-I'm going to set up a press conference

tomorrow morning at 6 AM,

where we'll expose the Club Fed

for what it really is and send those criminals

back behind maximum security bars where they belong!

[Howard - telephone] What are you talking about?

The criminals didn't do anything wrong,

it was Boyle!

Hello?

Hello!

Hello.

[laughing]

-I couldn't have planned it any better.

I get all the money.

Boyle and Angelica get busted.

Club Fed is overthrown!

What a great way to end the day!

-Thanks to you, Hooligan knows I have money in my account.

And he's planning a great big double-cross,

but he's not going to get away with it,

because I'm just transferring that money

to a different account.

I'm out of here just after the press conference.

-You wouldn't be interested in taking me along, would you?

I have a nice smile, terrific personality,

and I know a lot of great bed and breakfast places.

-Sorry.

I'm tying you up down in the basement.

Eventually, someone is going to find you,

but it's going to be too late.

I got this nice bomb for my birthday,

and I've been just waiting to use it.

And you're the perfect person for it.

-Yeah, I'm sure I'll get a big bang out of it.

[Sally] You know...

Before I met you,

the doctors told me I was frigid.

I think that that's why I was such an intolerable person,

and why I turned to a life of crime.

But you have tamed me!

You have transformed me!

And given me a new lease on life!

Oh god, you're wonderful, I feel like singing!

♪ It's a new world I see ♪

♪ It's a new world for me ♪

-At the press conference, at precisely 6 AM,

when you're going to join your ancestors,

Angelica will be arrested for murder.

-Wait, Burt, wait, wait.

If I were you, I'd just give myself up.

Come on, look!

You stole an incredible amount of money from charity.

You're about to kill an innocent man

and frame an innocent woman for murder!

Come on, hey!

What could a vile, detestable person like yourself

possibly do after this for an encore?

[beeping]

You got me on that one.

[chatter]

-Howard?

Howard!

Yes, have you seen Howard?

-No, but...

how about me and you?

[groaning]

-Where is he, big guy?

-I don't know!

I was just asked to guard this door.

[Howard] Angelica, get out of here,

there's a bomb set to go off any minute,

save yourself!

-Don't worry, Howard, I know how to disconnect bombs!

-You do?

-Yes.

[suspenseful music]

-Uh-oh, I don't like the sound of that music.

-Be prepared to meet your maker.

-Could we please take this disagreement

to a different place?

There's a bomb about to go off here!

-I'm going to kill you with my bare hands!

-I don't know who you are or what you want,

but I'm a little bit busy right now,

do you think we could talk later?

-Oh, that sounds like a good idea.

Maybe we could all go bowling or something.

-I'm going to enjoy this.

[screeching]

[popping sound]

-What?

-Not to worry, Howard.

I just disconnected the positive

and negative circuits.

This bomb is not going off.

-How do you know what to do?

-When I lived with Louis, he used to get bombs

sent to him all the time.

-You lived with my Louis?

[dramatic music]

[groaning]

-Howard, are you free?

-I think I managed to unbutton my right sleeve.

-Who do you want to donate your organs to?

-Maybe we should reconsider that bowling idea,

that sounded like a lot of fun.

-You little slut!

[screaming]

Any dying requests?

-I want to get married,

have children, a big house.

[screaming]

-Put her down!

[screaming]

Wait, wait!

Wait.

You wouldn't hit a girl with glasses on, would you?

Please!

Let her take her glasses off first.

-I'll let you take your glasses off.

You're gonna die...

before you can see your life pass before you!

[screaming in pain]

-Pick up your glasses, put them on,

come over here and help untie me!

Yeah!

I was right about this sleeve.

-What happened to her?

-It's a long story, I'll tell you later.

Come on, let's get out of here!

[screaming]

You really are something, you know that?

I don't know what was more impressive,

you beating that neanderthal woman

or disarming the bomb!

[explosion]

I think beating up the neanderthal woman.

[a man] There's our guy.

[Vince] Welcome, ladies and gentlemen.

I called this press conference to make the public aware

of what's been going on here at Club Fed.

Since its opening, the FBI has had an undercover agent

posing as a convict, working behind the scenes.

And due to his fine work,

we have exposed the corrupt system

of this so-called penal institution.

As a matter of fact, we have compiled conclusive proof

that one of the inmates,

Angelica Pazapapalooza,

has been stealing money from Club Fed

that had been designated for charity!

I promise you that she will be prosecuted

to the fullest extent of the law!

This just goes to show,

that once a criminal, always a criminal.

So this Mickey Mouse operation is nothing more

than a waste of taxpayers' money.

We should never, never,

give preferential treatment to crooks

just because they happen to be rich!

Now we can put them back where they belong

in the first place!

Behind bars!

And we will close the gates of Club Fed forever!

[fanfare]

Something very disturbing

has also been brought to my attention.

It seems that this, uh, Parabopoulous...

was not alone, in her operation.

There was another person, besides, uh, Pazaloctopus

who was misappropriating funds.

And what is so shocking, what is so disheartening

is that he is not one of the criminals, he is...

[gunshot]

[woman's voice] Shh, we must have silence.

-Arrest that man immediately!

As I was saying,

what is so shocking and so disheartening,

is that he is not one of the criminals,

he is an employee here at Club Fed!

I used to think that he was a close personal friend of mine.

We used to eat at each other's houses for dinner!

I set him up with his third wife.

When I was sick, he donated a kidney,

a bit of colon and his spleen.

Now I know that he's a criminal,

and an attempted murderer!

He is none other than Burt Boyle!

-And Vince Hooligan!

-I thought you were a dead person!

-I am agent 976 lovely pink puffin aromatic spray,

the undercover agent assigned to this case.

And I have proof that yes,

there was a misappropriation of funds.

But it was Vince Hooligan and Burt Boyle

who were responsible, not Angelica Paziatopolous.

I have been here.

I have been part of this system.

I have seen hardened, lifelong criminals

rehabilitated before my very eyes!

Club Fed should be allowed to continue,

because Club Fed works!

[cheering]

[screaming]

-Before Club Fed,

I was vain and materialistic.

I was very much into my looks.

All I wanted was diamonds,pearls,

a winter retreat in Palm Springs.

A ski chalet in St. Moritz.

A Park avenue apartment,

assorted vintage touring sedans, late model...

-Honey, honey!

I think they get the idea.

-Well, my point is I wanted those things

and I didn't care how I got them.

Now, I still want those things.

But I care how I get them.

I think everybody should spend at least six months at Club Fed

to learn the difference between right and wrong

and to acquire knowledge, self respect,

and sophistication.

[applause]

-Oops, whoa!

[high-pitched voice] -Thanks to all of you, at Club Fed.

I'm going to leave here a different person!

[applause]

-I came here at Club Fed as a sinner.

I know I was wrong!

And not only do I regret everything I've done,

but I also intend to pay back all the people

that I've taken advantage of.

As I know we all want to do, hallelujah!

-Hallelujah, hallelujah!

-Hallelujah!

-Hallelujah!

[barking]

[Howard] Thank you for coming to Club Fed.

Harrison and the reverend lived happily ever after.

FBI director Vince Hooligan got 20 years

in a maximum security prison,

where he commissioned his mother to write his memoirs.

Sally Rich was never discovered.

Burt Boyle has been running away from the law

for over 20 years.

He's never been captured,

but has, however, won marathons

all over the world.

As for me, I became the FBI director

and married Angelica, who became the new warden.

We later went on to star in Club Fed 2, 3, 4,

5, 6, 7, 8,

9, 10, 11, 12 through 19.

Closed captioning is provided by Studio Sonogram.

[Sherman Hemsley] ♪ Club Fed Revival

Club Fed 32, 33, 34 was a good one.

Club Fed 45, Club Fed 46, 47,

48 was the one we shot in Europe.

50.

Club Fed 72,

Club Fed 73, with the little goat.

74, 75, 76.

[roaring]