Original subtitles

[MUSIC]

(upbeat music)

(gentle music)

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[Music]

This is Paul and Myra Shoemaker.

The place could be any town.

The Shoemakers are sex swappers.

They've been married seven years,

and six of those seven years have been spent in swapping marriage partners.

This story could be happening in your own neighborhood at this minute.

The Shoemakers are swap crusaders.

Paul is a salesman.

They move from town to town.

While Paul is at work, Myra searches for new recruits for their favorite pastime.

[Music]

Oh, hi. Come on in. Would you like to have a seat?

Yes. I'm Myra Shoemaker, Paul and I are your new neighbors.

I thought I'd come by and get acquainted.

Oh, sure. Listen, if you have a seat, I'll go put a slip on his shirt.

Oh, no, don't. We're informants. I like friends who are.

Oh, well. Listen, my wife isn't here.

I don't think she'll be back for about an hour, if then, you know.

Oh, yes, I know. I met her at the beauty shop the other day,

and we really got to know each other.

And then she came by after work the other night, and we got really acquainted then.

And when my husband Paul came home, well, the three of us had a really swinging ball.

Hmm. That's funny. She never mentioned it.

Well, Paul and I are what you might call crusaders.

Oh, you mean like religious?

Well, not exactly religious, but you could say what we crusade for, we do religiously.

You could say that Paul and I are swap crusaders.

Oh. Oh, you mean like swapping ideas, junk like that, huh?

Well, that's the general idea, but we really like to swap sex partners.

You mean...

We like sex. I don't want to shock you or anything,

but we like to try things with other people and come home and try them with each other.

I mean, you wouldn't believe, for instance, the guys have never had their peters sucked.

How about you? Ever had yours?

Well, I mean, no, no. We're Presbyterian.

Well, that doesn't matter. The whole thing into getting into sex is just a little variety in it.

Well, well, you see, we've never, I mean...

Well, I never, well, I mean, except with my wife.

It's a pity. I'm a creature of comfort.

Comfort and sex, and I like a lot about it.

Do you always go into people's, strangers' homes and, well, get so comfortable?

What are you selling, lady?

Baby, I'm not selling anything. I'm trying to keep it away.

My wife and I, that is, we had sex.

I can't even remember. You're driving me nutty.

Hey, hey, now, look, wait a minute.

How can you possibly come in any minute and find you doing that?

What are you doing? You can't do that. It's not right. It's not nice.

Well...

You don't just come into somebody's house and some stranger, you know, and just take their pants off.

Why don't you take a phthalomeal? Real good phthalomeal. You know what I want.

It beats the hell out of me.

Okay, shut it.

Ooh.

I can't.

Hey, listen, I'm not kidding. Kay might come in here any minute now,

and, well, who knows?

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, my. Oh. That's wonderful.

(moaning)

(groaning)

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Well?

Like, wow, too much.

Hey, listen, I, uh, I don't know if I can talk Kay into going the swap route, but, uh,

hey, maybe you and your husband can.

Baby, we already did.

Oh, wow.

Since Paul and Myra work as a team, first one, and then the other, goes about the task

of converting others to their favorite fun and games.

With the Winchells initiated into swapping, Paul is now calling on the coworker of Kay,

Vicki Crane, and her husband Sheldon.

I'll get it.

All right.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Mama.

No, nothing.

Just sitting around reading the newspaper.

Sheldon, would you get that, please?

Sheldon?

Sheldon Crane?

Yes?

Hi, I'm Paul Shoemaker.

You must be Sheldon Crane.

Oh, whatever.

You selling something?

Ain't no way.

This is a social call.

Shoemaker?

I've heard that.

Oh, my wife was talking about a lady named Shoemaker Dinner.

Is that her first name?

Myra?

Yeah, Myra.

Hey, that's some chick.

It's my wife.

Oh, you put me on.

No, hey, listen, Kay Winchell gave us your address.

Myra's tied up right now, so I thought I'd come by and get acquainted.

Oh, sure.

Come on.

How about a beer?

Hey, that sounds real good.

Who is it?

Oh, that's Myra Shoemaker's husband.

Oh, that's nice.

No, Mama, Sheldon just came through.

I'm sorry.

Anyway, like I was about to tell you.

Myra Shoemaker's husband?

Sheldon?

Mama, look, I'm sorry, but I've got to hang up.

Myra Shoemaker's husband is here.

Where is he?

Hey, that's great.

Actually, Myra and I are what you might call swap crusaders.

Swap crusaders, like in sec?

That's right.

Oh, wow.

I've read the books about that.

No, I know you don't know Myra Shoemaker, but neither do I, really.

But I've got to go now, okay?

Okay, bye-bye.

I guess you and your wife have already made the swap scene, huh?

No, not yet.

Oh, really?

No, I'm all for it, but Vicki, she's kind of conservative.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

This is Vicki, my wife.

This is Paul Shoemaker.

Hi, Vicki.

Myra and I are doing it in the neighborhood, and I just thought I'd come by and get acquainted.

Myra will be here shortly.

Paul was telling me that he's his wife for the swap crusaders.

You know, sex swappers.

Oh, I'm not going to sit here and listen to you talk dirty.

Really.

Excuse me.

Hey, man, she came across a little square, didn't she?

Hey, once she thinks about it, she'll be back.

Oh, for sure?

She'll be back.

Okay.

I'll tell you what.

Let's get comfortable, like all the way.

When she comes back and sees a couple of naked studs with hard peckers, she'll be so hot

to trot she won't know what hit her.

Hey, that sounds like a good idea.

Sure she won't mind?

She won't mind.

Hey, you know, some of these women get some crazy ideas.

My wife's so pecker-happy when she sees one, especially when it's hard.

She goes out of her tree.

Imagine what she'll be like when she sees two.

(gentle music)

Some yellow shards, do you like those?

Let's say you get that thing stiff, see who's is the biggest.

I'll tell you what, it gets harder and faster with a little help from friends.

Yeah, I'll see 'em here.

If we get 'em hard, we're gonna need help.

I'm afraid you got me by a silly millimeter.

Well, let's see here.

Yeah?

Well, maybe we need a judge.

Hey, Vicki, honey.

Come here in a minute.

We need a judge.

A what?

A judge.

Oh, for goodness' sake.

What are you two up to now?

I was just getting ready to...

Oh, my God.

Sheldon!

You're both naked!

Sheldon!

Which one's big, it's big?

Where are your clothes?

They're over there.

Come here in a minute.

You're both naked!

Oh, we are, man.

Go out anywhere and enjoy the party.

There it is.

Give me a hand, Paul.

Do you want to make a wish?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

I don't know.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Sheldon, I don't know if we should be doing this.

Willie Thomas is Sheldon Crane's best friend.

They grew up together in this town.

When Sheldon married Vicki, the three got along fine.

But when Willie married Cora, a damper was put on their relationship.

Cora was prudish about many things, including those involving Willie's friends.

She never did see eye to eye with Vicki.

But Cora's most uptight bit had to do with sex.

Once a week was enough for her, not for Willie.

Sometimes he wondered why he ever married the woman in the first place, except that he did

love her.

However, when he lay in bed with his wife pretending to be asleep and certainly disinterested

in wifely duty, Willie would dream of Sheldon's telling about the swap crusading shoemakers.

Unfortunately, on the weekend that Sheldon and Vicki invited Willie to a swapping party,

Cora then went out of town.

Willie could hardly contain his excitement.

Even so, he wished that Cora was going to be there with him.

He was the odd man, and that gave him reason for concern.

But he was determined to see it through.

"Hey, Willie, come on in."

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Vicki.

Bring Willie his ring."

"Hey, I want you to meet everybody."

"Hi."

"This is Myra.

Uh, Lon.

Paul."

"Hi, Willie."

"Hi."

"And there's Vicki."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Lon, enough of that.

Get over here by me where you're going."

"We're doing no kind, Willie, we're fixing the place in the bottle.

I was just explaining to everybody, on the first spin, if it lands on you, you get a

kiss.

On the second spin, if it lands on you, the person that spins it gets to undress you.

On the third spin, you and the person that it lands on have to put on a sexual demonstration

for us."

"Right on.

Right on."

"Now, just in case that, you know, that you don't understand, I think you'll catch

on to it as we go along.

But, Willie, I'm afraid you're the odd man out this time, but I promise we'll make it

up to you later."

"Probably."

"Right.

Do you want to sit over there and watch the action?"

"Oh, okay."

"Excuse that one bit.

That's a girl."

"Okay, Vicki, since you're the hostess at this party, why don't you take the first

spin?"

"Okay.

That seems fair enough.

Here goes."

"Oh."

"Yay."

"Yay."

"This is my turn then, right?"

"Right."

"Oh.

Ha, ha."

"Oh.

Oh."

"Oh, wait a minute, you've got to be kidding."

"Oh."

"Come on."

"Come on."

"Yeah, come on.

That's the rule."

"Okay.

Okay.

Okay."

"Oh."

"Again."

"Oh.

Wow."

"I forfeit the K."

"No fair.

I'm all for it."

"Ah.

You've already had your kiss, Vicki."

"Uh-huh.

Yeah."

"That means."

"Right."

"That's what I think it means."

"Uh-huh."

"Okay."

"Let's see.

Right under there."

"Hmm."

"All righty."

"Just pull."

"Just pull."

"Uh-huh.

Comes right off."

"Oh."

"We're going to see what you've got."

"You caught me here, love?"

"Vondage.

Vondage."

"Ha, ha.

I don't know.

That's no fun.

Like a willing partner."

"Yeah."

"Okay.

Now you can take my pants off."

"I can?"

"Do it.

Do it.

Do it."

"Ta-da!

Yay!"

"Let's see it from you.

Come on.

Turn around.

Turn around.

Yeah.

That's it.

I love it.

Love it."

"Okay."

"Your turn."

"Okay."

"Yeah.

I better take my shoes off, too."

"Yeah.

That's only fair."

"That looks kind of funny with the shoes."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Now I'm going to get somebody.

Ha!"

"Oh, wait a minute."

"Ha, ha, ha.

Yeah."

"All right."

"Wow.

Okay."

"Well."

"Well, get with it."

"Just a second."

"Come on, love."

"He's smacking."

"Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha."

"Just go."

"Oh, just go."

"Okay."

"Great."

"Shall we leave the socks on for a sec?"

"I don't want to feel like I'm in a house."

"I can't take the socks on.

I'm standing in the room."

"All right."

"Wouldn't that look obscene?"

"Yeah."

"Ha, ha, ha.

Yeah."

"Oh."

"Just the socks on.

That's okay."

"Ha, ha, ha.

Okay.

Same thing."

"All right."

"Yeah."

"Let's see."

"There we go."

"Oh, God.

It's finally my turn.

I don't believe it."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I knew it would be my turn."

"All right."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

"All right."

"You need to be prepared."

"That's my word."

"Okay."

"Okay, okay, okay."

"All right."

"Come on.

You take the buttons.

I'll take the belt."

"Okay."

"There we go."

"For efficiency."

"Mm-hmm."

"Oh, God.

Woo."

"Let me take this."

"Oh, hey.

I can make it."

"Oh, so."

"Yeah, for my sake."

"Let me hit a tiny bit."

"Yeah, there we go."

"Well."

"Hey."

I think he's having a good time, everybody's there.

He just wanted to give thanks.

Uh-huh.

They're waiting all night for it.

Wait, what is it?

Oh, wow.

Oh.

Oh, third one.

Who is it?

[laughter]

Here we go.

Wee.

Okay.

Somebody else go to the bottom.

It's about time somebody got there.

Lucky Lon gets to put on the first show.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Come on, come on.

All you do is get in the middle of the floor.

With Vicki's spin, she won the choice.

I'll make it easy on him.

Or should I say hard on him?

[laughter]

I've had the hot to run my tongue all over your body, Lon, ever since I saw you.

How about it, honey?

Yeah.

[laughter]

Come on, Sheldon.

We don't need to spin the bottle, do we?

Let's go back.

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Take a shower.

Wow, this is worth that.

It's really worth that.

Hey man, we're out of cigarettes.

You were running down the street with us?

With my condition?

Okay, cool.

We'll catch you later.

Hang in there, tough baby.

I'll be back.

[MUSIC]

[Music]

[Music]

Willie Thomas was not the same after that party.

Now he knew more than ever that he had to talk his wife into sex-swapping,

and the only way he could broach the subject was to tell her about the party.

[Music]

Oh, hi, Willie. Come on in.

Hi, Kay. I just happened to be in the neighborhood.

I was thinking about you. It's a good time we had the end of the day,

and I want to drop by and see more of you.

I want to see more of you, too.

[Music]

It's good to see you.

[Music]

[Music]

Hey, awesome.

[Music]

It's good to see you out.

Good to be with you. I thought a lot about you the other day.

[Music]

Oh, hell, who's that?

It's probably Frank and Florence.

Who?

They said they were going to stop by for a few minutes.

Thank you. Have some.

I think you'll like Florence.

Oh, yeah?

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Come on in.

Oh, thank you.

Willie, I'd like you to meet Frank and Florence.

Hi, I'm Willie.

Willie was at Sloan's party the other night,

and we got to know each other pretty well.

Frank and Florence are swingers, too.

Oh, yeah? Wow, that's out of sight.

Let's do a little swinging now, huh?

Okay.

[Laughter]

You'll be a man.

[Laughter]

Sit down.

Oh, come here some of that.

All right.

[Music]

Wow, this is beautiful.

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[INAUDIBLE]

How am I with one off?

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[INAUDIBLE]

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A zipper and a hook.

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How long did this thing last?

Oh, about a year or four.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE]

Like it?

It must have been four.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[INAUDIBLE]

Yeah, well.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

(soft piano music)

(soft music)

(soft music)

[music]

God.

[music]

Thank you, Benny.

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I have my pretty blue shorts.

Oh, I think it's...

Hmm.

[Laughter]

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Let's get this first.

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It tastes good.

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That's what I was thinking of.

Oh crap, Tom.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, you're in care of the hills.

I think I'm hitting bottom, too.

[Music]

Oh, those are beautiful big ones you have there.

You have beautiful big ones, too, but only one.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Music]

So good.

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[Music]

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Music]

Cora did not take kindly to Willie's recounting of the swapping party.

As a matter of fact, she locked him out of her bedroom for several nights.

Finally, after visits from both Vicki and Myra,

and the fact that she was sexually frustrated,

Cora decided to give a swapping party a try.

But it was not without reservations,

and with a great deal of hesitancy that she allowed Willie to...

[Knocking]

Hi, come on in.

Hey, come on, wait a minute. Where are you guys going?

Home to do a little cashing up.

Oh, don't do that. There's lots of groovy party left.

I'm too bushed.

Oh, come on, it was your idea in the first place.

Yeah, but I didn't think you'd take to it like this.

Well, you underestimated me.

You never can tell about women, you know.

How long?

How long? About six inches soft, I think.

[Laughter]

I mean, how long have you and Myra been involved in the swapping business?

Oh, just long enough to get the hang of it.

All in favor of swapping, say aye.

Aye.

Because the ayes have it.

Right on, right on.

Listen, I don't want to be a wet blanket or party pooper or anything,

or take the fun and games out of the party for any of y'all,

but I do have to kind of make an announcement.

Paul's got a job in Minneapolis,

and we will be leaving, you know, in a couple weeks.

Oh.

Well, what about us?

Well, hey, it's up to you to keep your swap club going,

and start some more, bring some more people in.

Well, gee, you can do like Paul and I do.

When we move someplace new, you know, we get some new friends,

we go and see them, and we introduce them

to all the beautiful ways that sex works.

Yeah.

That sounds good.

Yeah.

We might just do that.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, why not?

[Laughter]

Well, why not let's do something else?

[Laughter]

Why not?

All right.

Okay.

[Background conversation]

This can be kind of a going away part, right?

Yeah.

Can we get going?

[Laughter]

Wow.

I tell you what, they're pretty good students, really.

They are.

[Background conversation]

Oh, I know that.

That's not what I mean.

I mean, our project, Sex Crusaders.

What do you think?

I think we're becoming professionals.

We're getting better all the time.

I'm sure of it.

You're a successful man.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's pretty successful.

Well, Ben, I love you anytime you are.

Here I come.

[Background conversation]

Ah.

[Background conversation]

The fun.

[Background conversation]

Random cowboy.

[Background conversation]

Not all couples are suited for the swapping scene,

but those who are know it as an interesting and provocative way of life.

[Background conversation]