Original subtitles

- [Denise] This programme contains shocking meetings,

netball legs and a telling-off.

As always, the tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is Essex".

- You don't realise how hurt I am.

- You're aggressive, man, this isn't the Bobby I know.

- There are a few things that I want to get off

my 32 double G chest.

- I would love to work with you,

not to run people, just say, "you know what, Kirk?

"That's your little thing, you do that."

[Arg sighs]

- Good luck, man, you're gonna do well.

Don't have nothing to eat in there, no food,

just get your stuff and come out.

- Arg, you know I haven't been seeing Rami for two months.

- Just stop, all right?

I care about you and can I, where's my PlayStation?

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

- [Shane] So, how far are you gonna get off today, tell me.

- Extreme, I wanna shock everyone.

I wanna walk in a room tomorrow and everyone will go

"oh my God".

- Brilliant, so yeah, well, you don't do things like that.

- Don't go extreme?

There's no point, there's no point in doing a little bit

and then again and again, I just wanna go like mad.

- Yeah, let's do it.

- Do it? - Yeah.

- [sighs] Oh.

Oh Shane, it's so amazing, I don't want anyone to see it

until Mario sees it, though

so this is why I'm making you do this.

[pulsating music]

- You know, the whole Arg thing,

all he's bothered about since we've gone out

is his PlayStation, what a mug-off.

- What is this badge he keeps going on about,

I'm well baffled, is it like an award?

- It is so embarrassing, he's got, I mean, he did well,

he went to the Kenny Four and he won an award.

- What is Kenny Four, I've heard him say it a hundred times.

- It's a theatre.

- Yeah, is it like an Oscar award?

- That's what he thinks.

- How old was he?

- Let's have a look at it, then,

let's see this brilliant award [mumbles].

- I think he was about two.

- Two? - Oh, you're joking.

- The way he goes on.

Right, ready for it, girls,

it's gonna make your eyes fall out.

- That's it?

[all laugh]

- Looking at his little award, it's pathetic, innit?

I don't fancy him one bit anymore, I swear on my life

but it's just like, aw.

[electronic music]

- Hello, come in, it's getting cold, mate.

- Are you joking?

- [Kirk] What?

- You said you invited me to dinner,

I thought you was cooking?

- No, I have, but I've just it in these pots

so it looks like, it looks like, no.

I thought, instead of ruining a meal, I bought it.

[electronic music]

What's the business venture then?

Right, now you've got the keys, what's the next step?

If I wants to run a little niche,

something that I can, obviously, it's yours, well it's ours

but something that I can class my own,

d'you know what I mean?

- You can be up there and be my eyes and ears,

you need to be tell me what's going on.

You're gonna be on the frontman seat, "are they there?

"Is he there, are they doing this,

"what does that look like, does it look good?"

- Oh I can see, I can do that then, yeah.

- Yeah, I can't be everywhere.

- So my role is being an extension off you,

that's like a go-go gadget arm, isn't it?

- Not an extension of me, my eyes and ears, mate,

as you've gotta be looking at things for me.

We'll go up there later and have a look around.

- That's spicy.

- Yeah, Kung Po chicken, is that what it's called, innit?

- I don't know, I just threw a couple of numbers at 'em,

thought, whatever we get, "I'll have a 17, 18, 24".

- [Mick] Is that what you done?

- Yeah.

- But look, Rami's in here now

so he can have all his stuff back,

d'you know what I mean?

- Rami live here?

- [Gemma] He don't live here but he comes round quite a bit.

- Does he?

- Gonna say, Gem moves on well quick.

- Good!

- I don't mess about and at the end of the day

this is where, I read a quote once, Zsa Zsa Gabor said

"the minute your man looks at another woman, jog him on".

- [laughs] Who's Zsa Zsa Gabor?

- [Gemma] She had blonde hair and everything.

- [Chloe] What language are you talking right now?

- She's like a famous woman.

- She could be Arg's mate in the middle.

[all laugh]

- Oh God.

- What did this woman say again?

- She said "the minute your man looks at another woman,

"even like that, jog him on."

Chloe Sims, take Zsa Zsa's advice, what's going on?

- It's all gone wrong, basically, I would like,

you know like I've been on and off with him for five years,

I'm just about to get my dream and I get an email

from a girl saying "but are you aware

"that he has unresolved issues

"with his so-called family below"

and there was a photo of him, some girl

and him taking the photo.

- Asshole.

- 'Cause it's kind of like

that he's give her all my dreams,

like she's been living my life,

what he's promised me, all this time.

- You are worth a million percent more, he sounds messed up.

- He is but I would have done anything for him.

I've got his name tattooed on me, his whole name is on me.

[Gemma gasps] And that girl is trying to tell me

that I'm not like, I'm nothing.

[upbeat music]

- Tom Kilbey!

You're really, really lucky, Tom Kilbey.

[Tom laughs]

Why are you laughing? - Why am I so lucky?

- Because now you're in love

with Lydia-Rose Bright, Tom Kilbey.

- I know, can you believe it, Debs?

- You know her ups and downs and traumas

with Mr James Argent himself so I did wanna tell you

that he did phone me the other day and it is the first time

that we've spoken on the phone in about six months.

- Well, that's just weird though, innit?

- Because what is difficult for me

is while he still has any communication with me,

he's not really shut his link with Lydia, has he?

- [Tom] Nah.

- He never, ever stopped, they never, as a couple

never stopped arguing.

What he's got to understand and I do say it to him so much

is "she's my daughter, you're not my son".

- Yeah, definitely.

- And I don't want you to ever think

that James is any threat to you at all,

I know it must have been really difficult for you

and you've never said it.

I know but you haven't never said it,

you've never said to me "oh, I feel like I don't fit in".

- I knew it was gonna be hard, sort of thing,

I knew that what Lydia had with her past relationships

and the whole, everything that come with it

but that's what, that was my decision,

d'you know what I mean and I love Lydia to bits.

- I know you do.

- And that's what I wanted to do, that's why,

obviously, I do wanna see her.

- And I know you love her to bits.

- And I love the family, like I love, I know it

but it must have been hard.

- Do you feel, do you feel like in the family now?

- No, of course, I definitely feel in the family.

- As far as I'm concerned, Tom, Lydia's moved on 100%.

I think you're so suited, it's unbelievable.

In fact, I think you're Lydia in a pair of jeans.

She wants to be with you, Tom, d'you know what I mean,

you're the one, she wants to be Mrs Kilbey.

[Tom laughs]

- All right, mate?

- [Kirk] Hello, you not knocking no more?

- Don't have to knock, you left the door open.

- Oh, did I?

- Yeah, you all right?

- Yes.

- You ready?

- For what?

- It's real business today, mate.

- I thought we were doing the busy thing so that's why I.

- [Mick] You've dressed smart for it.

- Dressed up, right, see that, see that,

it just happens, that does, you can't help that.

- Then we're gonna go and look at all the places today so.

- [Kirk] Cool, your car or my car?

- Helicopter, mate, don't mess about, you know how it is.

- Really?

- Yeah, five minutes, we're getting picked up it, mate.

- [Kirk] Really, honestly, a helicopter?

- Yeah, five minutes, all right, see you in a bit.

- Do I have to wear anything different?

- [Mick] Aviators.

- Right, I'll find some.

[electronic music]

- Nice, innit?

- It's all right, innit?

Do I put them on now or do you put them on

when you get in there, me old bids?

- You can put them on now.

- Like that?

- Morning Andrew, how you doing, you all right?

Good to see you.

If you look for the church, which obviously sticks out

and then you're gonna go along the Broadway

and then there's the Grand, sticks out right there,

red brick building.

- [Kirk] Oh my God, it looks bigger than it does

when you're actually there.

- [Mick] Yeah, you got it?

- Yes, right, see where this road bends round.

- It's great to see it from here

because what this gives you a real good concept of

is how much, well, we call them chimney pots,

how many chimney pots there are in the area.

So there are your potential customers, look at all of that.

See that, that is the market, now this is your legacy,

the family's legacy.

So this is time to man up, Kirk,

that means you've gotta step up to the plate

and work for it, mate.

- I brought my aviators, didn't I?

- Yeah, you've gonna wanna work a bit harder

than to bring your sunglasses out, mate.

[party music]

- The only way we're actually gonna decide this

is when we ring them, see if they wanna do it,

if they come, they come, they don't.

- [Billie] Yeah, 'cause not all of them.

- They might not even wanna come.

- Right, okay, let's just ring, I'm gonna ring Billi

and see if she wants to come [mumbles].

- Hello?

- Hello, Billi? - Hello?

- Hello, it's Billie [laughs].

- You all right?

- You all right, yeah, are you with Cara?

- Yeah.

- Okay right, basically, so we was thinking of

doing like a bit of a netball team?

- Oh, I'd love to do that.

- Oh my God, me and Cara are so good at netball.

- We used to be in a netball team, didn't we?

- So shall I definitely count yous two in?

- Yeah, definitely.

- Okay, girls, bye, bye.

- We're well good at netball,

I was so good at netball at school.

- We used to be against each other at school.

- Oh my God, I used to play you, didn't I?

I was much better than you.

- No, you weren't. - Yeah, I was.

- You got sent off.

- Right, let's give Jess a call.

The only thing is, if Billi and Cara are gonna do it,

Jess might have the hump about being in the same team.

- She won't wanna be on the same team as them

because all the arguing they've had.

- Maybe it could be a chance for them to make up.

Hello, Jess?

- Hello, who's that Sam or Billie?

- Hello, it's Billie, what you up to?

- I am in the studio at the minute,

recording my second song.

- Oh wow, that's brilliant!

- Well done, Jess, congrats.

- [Billie] That's so good, basically,

what we're gonna do is start up a netball team?

- Shut up. - And, yeah.

- Oh my God, that is such a good idea.

- [Billie] What d'you think, would you be up for it?

- Bill, I was so good at netball at school,

I'm goal attack [laughs].

- Yeah, also as well, if your mum and Nanny Pat

are up for coming along as well.

- Fair enough, my dad won't let her wear

the little skirt, though.

- [laughs] Yeah, okay then, good luck.

- [Jess] Thank you, see you later.

- Bye. - Bye.

- She was like "no, my dad would not have my mum

"wearing a netball skirt" [both laugh].

- I've got a little surprise for you.

- Is it a sexy one?

- It could be, right, close your eyes.

- Okay, kids, close your eyes.

- [Lucy] Closed?

- Everyone's eyes are closed, everyone's are closed.

- [Lucy] Yeah, eyes closed.

- Everyone's eyes are closed, kids, don't struggle.

- [Lucy] Right, open.

- Oh my God.

- D'you like it?

- No. - [Lucy] What?

- I'm joking [laughs], you look really nice.

- I don't feel like I'm looking at myself

when I look in the mirror.

- You look really different.

- [Lucy] What, you're gritting your teeth, baby.

- Well, you look really different, it's not in a bad way.

- [Lucy] You're gritting your teeth.

- No, you look different, though.

It is good you haven't gone too blonde or anything.

- It's quite blonde, though.

- It's not, I don't think it's that bad,

it's like a light brown.

- It's not, it's blonde, it's blonde, Mario.

- [Mario] I'd say it's light brown.

- But if I'm honest, I was expecting

a little bit more of a reaction from you,

I've been sitting in a chair

for over five hours getting this done.

- No, it's just a shock, I still think you look beautiful.

- What d'you mean "you still think"?

- [laughs] I don't mean it like that.

- Oh my God.

- No, I think you look beautiful.

So seriously, making love you tonight,

all that sort of stuff's gonna be like,

sort of like cheating.

- No, it's not, baby, I've only got different-colored hair.

[upbeat music]

- Here we are.

- Gonna keep this door, are you?

- What, the metal one?

- Are you gonna keep that?

- What do you think of this, nice?

- Yeah, looks huge already.

- It is huge, come in here.

Now, this room's gonna take a lot of work.

This is the piano lounge, this.

- So, you're gonna rip all the inside out first, are you?

You got a cobweb stuck on you [laughs]?

- I have got a cobweb on me, surely.

Yeah, no, we're gonna rip it all out, new bars.

- What is my role, like I need a title.

- You don't need no title.

You're a Norcross, that's a title, innit?

- Okay, but. - [Mick] Right then.

- I do love working for you and I actually love it

'cause I can see you're giving me such a help

but when someone just says, "what's your job title",

I just wanna know what I'm doing,

I get up in the morning, I know what.

- Just say "I'm a Norcross", that's a job title, innit?

So, that means you're eyes and the ears

for the family, looking after the job.

- Yeah, I know, I know all that.

- Forget titles, that's it.

- I like it, so I'm gonna go get my hands dirty.

- Yeah, timing, I'll call the girls up,

don't mess around with my girls,

you're not gonna have any, no time for that.

- I only want one girl.

- Oh, you do?

- Yeah, just the one.

- Who is that?

- I don't know yet. - Oh, you haven't got one.

- I just want the one though, just the one,

I'd be happy, you know.

- Well, why don't you just wait until this project's over

before you think about girls, I reckon, next year or so.

Keep you busy, won't it?

- Bloody hell, well you've gotta pay

for my internet bill, then.

- [laughs] What happened the other night when you saw Lauren

or the other day you saw Lauren, didn't you?

- Oh, mate, honestly, it's just,

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

- Why, what happened?

- Well, I just, I met Chloe in the High Street

and she just said she was meeting Lauren

for something to eat so I thought we were cool,

so I just thought "you know what, I'll just quickly go

"and take her to see the dog,

"she ain't seen the dog in ages"

and she just weren't happy to see me at all.

She half-told me to go away. But at the end of the day,

exes ain't gonna get along, I wanna get along but.

- [Mick] She's not interested, just chuck it up, then.

- Yeah I know, that's it, that's it, I'm done, I'm done now.

I've tried to be mature and a grown-up,

I've tried to say "hello, how you been",

d'you know what I mean?

And if she doesn't wanna be like that about it, you know,

fair enough, at least I've tried.

Right, show me what else I can,

I'm gonna get my tool belt and hard hat on soon.

- Yeah, that's what you don't wanna be doing

because if you're doing that, means you're doing a job

that means you can't assed with doing the other things.

- No, no, no, it's just that I can feel it,

d'you know what I mean, like, you know?

- You've just to make sure you're looking around,

be everyone's friend.

- I'm gonna be everyone's friend.

- Good.

- As long as they call me "Lord", I'm joking.

[upbeat music]

- Next line, go, honey!

[all exclaim]

- You've got blonde hair.

- [Carol] Blondes have more fun.

- Yeah!

- [Coach] Right, come on girls, let's go then,

we didn't get very far in our warm up!

- Carol!

[all laugh]

- These bibs stink so bad, can't you smell them?

- Mine doesn't smell.

- Can you not smell that, it absolutely stinks.

- Smells a bit musty.

- It stinks, I must have a really sensitive nose.

[women laugh]

- Danni gave the letter to Charlie, Danni, you can say,

I don't wanna tell everyone.

- [Frankie] What letter, what, a breaking-up letter?

- [laughs] It was like, that "I like you".

- Yeah.

- But I'm not ready to have like a sexual relationship yet

and that's what a girlfriend and boyfriend kind of means

and this whole Bobby going round bitching about me

to absolutely everyone.

- [Lucy] Right but he's not, but he came.

- I'm angry with another man about a man,

that's not normal.

[Chloe and Frankie laugh]

- [Lucy] Bob, even, even.

[crosstalk]

[upbeat music]

[women shriek]

- Come on, we're still judging yous lot, no pushing, Carol.

[jazz music]

- Hello, sweet, I love your hair.

- [Lucy] You all right, d'you like it?

- I love it!

- You all right?

- Babe, you so well.

- D'you like it?

- Hello, honey, I love it.

How d'you feel, being a blonde?

- Really weird.

- Are you having more fun?

- I haven't been out yet, Bob.

This is the first glass of wine I've had

since I've been a blonde.

- Ching ching, to that.

- Cheers, d'you like it?

- Yeah, really do.

- I think it brings your features out more, blonde.

- Definitely, your eyes are like amazing,

they're like two big conkers on your face, I love it.

[Lucy laughs] - D'you think I look ginger?

- Not at all. - Not at all?

- That's what the toner does,

had he not put the second lot on,

you'd have probably been like

Chris Evans stroke Catherine Tate.

- Really?

- Mm, carrot, absolutely.

[Lucy laughs]

I haven't seen or spoke to Charlie for about a week.

So, I've gone on over and said

"you're now like official with Danni?"

I mean, I've never heard of anyone going on two dates,

never kissing each other, never sleeping together

but being an official couple.

- Mm.

- I'm now starting to think,

I think I'm gonna cry, actually,

that the guy that I know and love,

he isn't that guy anymore.

- But d'you think it's healthy to have a best friend

that you love 'cause I don't think that is

and I think you need to move forward now.

So, obviously, I know how much you care for Charlie

and Charlie cares for you, I think, maybe,

you need to talk to Danni, maybe that's the problem.

- I feel like I need to talk to her.

- Like [stammers] diplomatically [laughs].

- That's the one, see,

I'm not gonna be good at the D word, though.

[upbeat music]

- Are you good? - Yeah, you?

- Nice seeing you. - You too.

- [Little Chris] If you're going well with Danni,

keep going.

- No, I thought I was going well.

- Are you now like fully exclusive?

- No, like she's done me this letter, ain't she, like.

- Oh, have a laugh.

- Yeah, she's actually done me this letter, right.

Right, get on this.

- [Little Chris] A letter?

- Yeah, "I have recently just come out

of a seven-year relationship

and I need time to spread my wings.

I feel with the Bobby situation, it's very raw.

By waiting a little bit longer to start the relationship,

maybe the storm would have calmed

and nobody's feelings will get hurt".

More like she's finding excuses

'cause you know what this is all about?

She actually don't want sex, that is what it is.

- I have to be honest with you,

I think sex is really important for a relationship.

- Of course it is, she's always said

she's a bit more reserved and that's fine

and I respect that and I wouldn't ever

make anyone do anything they don't wanna do

but I'm a 27-year-old man

and I wanna experience everything in a relationship.

Intimacy, fun, cuddles, all that sort of stuff

and I'm not getting it.

- Everyone wants a snuggle buddy,

you do not wanna be, what,

curling up to a pillow, you know, so.

- I'd never do that but yeah, I know what you mean.

- Mate, everyone curls up to a pillow.

Even I curl up to a pillow sometimes.

- [Charlie] Do you? - I just get a bit lonely.

- Bless her, like the actual gesture of a letter

is very, very sweet but you know what,

everything that she's put in there,

you could have just said to me, it's not anything,

she said she struggles talking,

she don't shut up when I'm with her.

- Yeah, I know she cares

but she could have at least gone first class, mate,

she's given you a second class stamp.

What you don't wanna do is get in a relationship

and then just suddenly, just sack off all your mates,

d'you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- 'Cause that's why the way Bobby feels like

you haven't shown him the attention he needs.

- He's saying things to Lucy, like

"our friendship is caput, finished".

That is gutting me, that is, he shouldn't,

that shouldn't even be on the cards.

[upbeat music]

- Oh my God!

- Lucy, Mario!

- [Mario] [speaks foreign language]

- [Debbie] You look like a ballerina, Lucy.

- You look amazing, Luce.

- You all right, Tom?

- Your hair looks lovely.

- Thanks, I feel like a Barbie.

- Lydia, if I knew he was coming, I'd have worn my negligee.

- If I knew you were gonna wear that,

I'd have come over an hour ago. [all laugh]

- Mario, are you loving the new hair?

- Your hair looks lovely. - So does yours, Debs.

- Yeah.

[Debbie and Lucy laugh]

- You like it? - Why don't you like it?

- She left looking like Kim Kardashian

and come back looking like Nicola Roberts, so.

- Mario!

- She still looks beautiful, don't,

she always looks beautiful but it's just getting used to it.

- What actually is this tonight,

like isn't it something to do with the Sugar Hut Honeys?

- Does that mean that Mick gets with

every single one of them?

- Don't be stupid. - Ask Mick.

- What? - Ask Mick.

- He's too old, he ain't got the energy

for every single one of them.

- Right, come on, let's go upstairs and put some makeup on,

I can't be bothered to listen to this anymore.

- Do you want a red wine?

- Yeah, white, red wine.

- Not a cheek, just take that cheek.

- I swear to God, Tom, you've gotta watch him tonight.

- I will, I'm looking after him, I'm looking after him.

- [Lucy] If I see him near her, I'll take it out on you.

- Yeah, Tom, you've gotta watch me tonight. [Tom laughs]

Where's Mario at?

- [Debbie] What d'you think about me

joining the Sugar Hut Honeys?

- I reckon you'd rock it in a bikini.

- I think you've got it.

- I think I need to have a little chat with him, Mario.

- Think you should.

- There we are, darling.

- Thank you.

- All right, the only eyes that Mick seems to have

in all you lot, is one set of eyes on these, innit?

- Now I feel a bit awkward 'cause I'm looking at your tits.

[all laugh]

- Now I'm looking at my girlfriend's mum's boobs.

- But it's true, innit?

- You're gonna marry into that, that's a good gene.

- So, Lydia's gonna look like you,

do you and Lydia gonna look the same, you reckon?

- You know, we are gonna be exactly the same.

- Well, Arg must be kicking himself then,

he must be kicking himself.

- What was he doing?

- Me and you have had a chat about this already.

- Yeah, no, we had a chat about it.

- How do you feel about it?

- Like imagine if Lucy's ex-boyfriend just kept texting her,

saying "look, you're gonna be in my, you've just been".

- I'd cut his throat.

- [laughs] But d'you know what I mean, though?

One minute, he's saying "look, it's fine",

next minute, he's texting her, saying

"look, I wanna get back with you,

"like I'll never fully not love you".

- Yeah but Tom, at the end of the day,

like who is she out with tonight?

- Yeah.

[pulsating music]

- [Charlie] How you doing?

- Hey babes, good, how are you, you look lovely.

- I'm all right, you too, how's it all going?

- Yeah, good, you having a good night?

- Not too bad, I still don't feel too well, you know like.

- Don't you?

- Nah, not 100% but, had a lot going on in my mind, Dan, so.

- Like?

- I haven't really spoke to you, have I,

since the whole like letter.

It was a really sweet gesture but I kind of read it

and I'm thinking, you're kind of,

you're a bit of a traffic light at the minute.

You're like, one minute, you're red

and then you're kind of green

and now you're at flashing amber

and I just don't really know sort of where this is heading.

- Maybe you took some bits of the letter wrong.

Like maybe there's just bits of it,

like the "spread your wings" bit,

I did say to Lydia, that might come across

like I wanted to get with other people.

- No, see, that was, [tuts] don't be silly,

I don't look at it like that

but when you spread your wings, it's like you need space,

you need freedom, you need some time to work out

what it is you want.

I wanna be able to be with you now and not feel awkward

and if I wanna have a muck about or you know, have a little,

you know, a cheeky whatever, I wanna be able to think,

you know what, you're comfortable with that

and we're both on the same level and I don't think we are.

- But can't you do all that when you're seeing someone,

d'you know what I mean?

Like does it have to have the whole status

of a boyfriend and girlfriend straight away?

- But you've made it quite clear

that you're not comfortable with that side of things.

Even like friends with benefits is almost sometimes better

because you're both like well,

we're not actually really deep

but we're kind of just having fun fun.

- You mean, sexually?

- [Charlie] Yeah.

- Yeah but no, like does that make sense?

- Here goes that traffic light again.

- I feel pressured to do something,

when you shouldn't be pressured.

- Exactly and never ever give into pressure

'cause I wouldn't, you know, you know I wouldn't.

You know me, I'm a spiritual person, I pick up the vibes

and the vibes from me is that you are just,

you need a bit of time.

At the moment, I'm not feeling it,

my head space now is I'll keep my options well open, then.

We bumble along and go out on a few dates, happy days

but if something comes my way and I like it

or I wanna go there, I will go there.

- But I do like you, that's the thing.

- And I like you, from what I'm seeing

and how I'm gonna take it is that we'll just be mates

and we'll just crack on, yeah?

Cool, right.

- See you later. - Give us a kiss.

[upbeat music]

- Are you crying, are you crying, what happened?

Why are you crying, talk to me.

- He just said, obviously.

- I didn't even hear any of it, tell me.

- He said 'cause of the letter, like he didn't want anything

[sighs] 'cause of the letter,

that I don't want a sexual relationship

because I'm not ready yet

and that I said about spreading the wings

and stuff like that,

that he just wants to leave it, basically.

- What a bastard

because you don't wanna jump into bed with him?

- How am I ever gonna move on, though?

- That makes me feel sick, no, I'm sorry

but he should wait for you.

If you're not ready to have sex with him right now,

then he should not throw that in your face.

- Yeah but isn't that what guys want anyway?

- You can't love someone just because of that.

- I know.

- There's more to life than that and this.

- I feel like shit, I wanna go home.

- This, your, this, mate, I can't touch your heart

'cause your boobs are in the way

but you've got like feelings and you're a person.

- Since I've dealt with all this Bobby shit,

I've dealt with trying to move on.

- I'm disgusted.

- And he's the first guy since my ex

that I've actually liked.

- I'm disgusted, Danielle,

you can't just love someone for sex.

- No.

- Well, that just goes to show that all men are pricks,

aren't they, apart from Tom.

[Danni laughs]

Oh, Dan.

- I feel like shit, I wanna go home.

- Oh shove them, you don't need sex anyway, it's shit.

[pulsating music]

- Hi, bye.

[crosstalk]

- That's the best bit, remember that.

[imitates camera clicking]

Right, I think the second one in from the.

- So the reason why I'm doing the search for a Honey again,

it's not a game as well as, it's 'cause, obviously,

we're expanding massively.

- So am I, sitting next to these.

[Mick laughs]

Massive harem.

- And we're gonna have the girls in here

and we're gonna, they're all gonna come through this venue

and we're gonna get to know them, see what they can do.

- Exactly, I feel like Simon Cowell.

- Can I have a buzzer, like [imitates buzzer],

as soon as, the next minute they walk [imitates buzzer],

no, [imitates buzzer].

- Being all right [imitates buzzer].

- I don't want you to think it's like a beauty pageant,

I mean, what, really, the thing is,

once the girls come down.

- Are they gonna sing, they gonna dance?

- Maybe.

- They gonna show us their talent?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- I'll show them my talent.

Never felt this awkward before, so.

- Really?

- No, never, what if I get an hard-on?

- What?

- If I get a hard-on, I'm fucked,

ain't I, I've got skinny jeans on.

- [Mick] Ladies.

- All right, girls?

- Hi.

- What do you expect to get out of being a Sugar Hut Honey?

- To like meet new girls and like have fun

and get all naked and, so yeah.

- You won't be getting naked.

- Not being naked, naked, oh my God.

- Stringfellows is down there.

- [Mick] All right, girls, thank you for coming.

See you in a little bit.

- Thank you.

- Thank you, bye.

If they're too flirty, too slutty,

that's not what we're looking for.

We're looking to be classy,

it's for the brand, it's for the venue.

- Right, where do I fit in in this bit, though?

Like looking at these birds, what's me being here,

like I don't know where I'm fitting in.

- You being here is you're the eyes and ears again,

no different when you go to the hotel

and it's a building site, you're my eyes and ears,

make sure they're doing their job.

You're very quick to tell when other people ain't,

make sure you tell me, that's what I'm interested in.

If you see them getting in the car

with someone and going or..

- That means I've gotta come here at night, as well, then?

- That's what we do, innit, it's not easy mate, is it?

Nothing's handed to you on a plate, we've gotta work for it.

- I know, I'm enjoying it so. - Ask Mario, he knows.

He's probably made two suits

before you even woke up in the morning.

- Yeah, I make them in my sleep now, like [snores].

[Mick laughs]

I'm up early, man.

[pulsating music]

- Well, I bumped into him earlier

and it just like, all kicked off.

- [Mario] Why?

- Arg looks at me and goes, "what the fuck you looking at?"

- [Lucy] What?

- [Tom] Like seriously, mate.

- And he's like staring at me like.

Like proper staring at me so I was like,

"what you staring at?"

He's got some weasel, screwed face, like scarecrow,

looking at me and there was someone in between us,

sort of like trying to hold me back, blah, blah

and with that, he's trying to hit me

and he's grabbing my top.

I didn't throw, I don't think I threw any punches

but literally, literally, he basically.

- Man, it looks so shit, man, it looks so bad.

- Well basically, he started a fight, he steamed into me,

I haven't got a single mark on my face,

yeah, he's ripped my jumper

but he's a complete donut, the kid.

- It's happened, it's happened but it's just,

the little things just build up, build up.

Like even though, like he text Lydia the other day, yeah?

- Saying "oh, you'll never love Tom

"the way that you loved me, I miss you".

- [Lucy] That's so disrespectful.

- Lydia is still in love with you, mate

and he does not like that.

- He's 18 stone, he don't drive, he ain't got a house,

he lives with his parents,

what has the kid got going in his life, nothing.

- He's obviously jealous or he's in awe of me

or he's insecure

because I've been with his ex-girlfriend for so long.

He needs to get over it, I ain't bothered about it,

I ain't bothered about him, I ain't scared of him.

- It's embarrassing, you're embarrassing now.

Me and Tom are gonna get married, walking down the altar

and he's gonna say

"if anyone's got any objections, please say now"

and fat Arg is gonna run down the aisle and go "me".

- I wouldn't let someone do that to me.

- If I start having fights with Tom Kilbey all the time,

it's just giving Lydia satisfaction.

- But it ain't the point, it's the principle.

- He doesn't bother me, okay, Tom Kilbey.

- It ain't the money, it ain't nothing,

it's the principle, mate, he shouldn't have to come out,

make you like a mug by ripping your t-shirt.

[Arg laughs]

[pulsating music]

- Is it all right if I just have a quick word with Dan?

- [Danni] I don't wanna argue with you, Bobby.

- I'm not here to have a row with you,

I just kind of wanna just

put a couple of things clear because.

- Are you sure you want me to go?

- Yeah, I'm sure.

- Right, I just wanna start by saying

I don't really get how this has kind of escalated

to how it has and I need to just stop this now

because it's getting really silly.

I've seen you out a couple of times

and you're giving me dirty looks?

- Yeah, I've heard this, where did you see me?

- I've seen you here at Sugar Hut and I was.

- Yeah, and I said "hello, Bobby", I was with a friend,

yeah and I said hi.

- I was having photos with someone and I said hello to you

and you didn't say hello to me, Dan.

- I did say hello,

I've got a friend to prove I said hello, I said hello back.

- [Bobby] Okay, well, I didn't hear that.

- And you've said you saw me in a hair salon?

- No, I was in a beauty salon

and I was having my eyebrows done

and it's a sad day

when a guy can't have his eyebrows threaded and tinted

without getting dirty looks.

- I didn't see you, Bobby, this wasn't me.

- You walked past, looked in,

gave me the dirtiest looked ever.

- [Danni] No, that's a lie, Bobby, I didn't see you.

- Like a skid mark on a hotel towel.

- Bobby, I didn't see you, I would not lie,

if I didn't see you, I honestly didn't see you.

- Why have you turned round and said then,

if you're not lying, to Charlie,

you didn't tell me I'm getting in the way?

- I didn't say that, did I?

But at the end of the day, Bobby,

it feels like you're in the way because you're not happy

so it can't go any further,

that is what I said, not in the way.

- Don't you think that's a rude thing

to say to someone's best friend

when you've kind of been on the scene five minutes

and been on one date with him and you now tell me.

- No, it wasn't one date, was it, Bobby,

it was three dates, wasn't it, Bobby?

- And you've got the audacity to say to me

"I'm getting in the way"?

- [Danni] Not in the way, not like that, Bobby!

- What are you now, Romeo and Juliet?

- No, it's not, it's nothing now,

it's nothing now but it's nothing now, is it?

- I'm happy for you, I want you to crack on, be happy!

- But it's not, no, that's a lie,

you don't want him to be happy, you're lying, why lie?

- I don't want Charlie, I do want you to be,

I'm not lying, Dan!

- You are lying, Bobby, you are lying!

- [Bobby] I want you to be happy, I am not!

- And you said to me, you said to Lucy,

"I don't wanna hear anything, I don't wanna hear from her,

"I don't want updates", you said to me,

you don't want updates, then you said,

"oh, I saw it online that you're going out"!

- No, I said, let me speak, let me speak!

- You never let anyone else speak, Bobby!

- All you've done is speak for the last two weeks!

- [Danni] All right, all right then, Bobby, all right!

- Listen to me, I said I didn't wanna be around you,

I didn't want to watch "Coronation Street" with you,

I didn't wanna go to the chip shop with you.

- You didn't wanna see, you said you don't want to see,

"I'm not gonna go to any places that you are at",

did you not say that?

- While you're on a date, absolutely!

- Yeah, no, not on a date.

- Not about sort of going official.

- Right, I think we're going around in circles here,

we're going around in circles here

and at the end of the day,

you're always gonna hate each other

because there's feelings there.

- Because it's like, this is just being dragged on

and I feel like we are now the Essex version

of Angelina and Jennifer and Charlie ain't Brad Pitt

so let's drop it now.

- At the end of the day, I ain't with Charlie anymore.

Yous can be best friends because I don't do a drama,

I don't want it, Bob, I don't wanna argue with you,

at the end of the day, I don't want anything, all right?

Lydia, I wanna go home.

- D'you wanna just walk out of this [sighs] fuck's sake.

[upbeat music]