Original subtitles

shocking betrayals and some secret treats.

As always, the tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

- Oh!

- [Narrator] This is the very latest from Essex.

- Arg was calling me up going,

"I wanna go holiday with you,

"I wanna go on holiday with you,"

why do I wanna go on holiday with you?

Last time I saw you,

you told me my thighs were bigger than yours.

- I think we should have a little toast, don't you?

- Mm-hmm.

- Our first little date.

- All I remember him ever saying to me about girls

in the past is I like to be stimulated.

- She's definitely not a stimulator.

[lips smacking]

- All men cheat.

- [Gemma] Not all.

- They do.

- They do.

- Every guy cheats, from a plumber to a billionaire.

[upbeat music]

[lively music]

- [Cara] Really, I've got like bellyache

that I'm gonna be 25.

- [Billi] Are you lookin' forward to a night out though,

like we haven't really had a girls' night out, have we?

- [Cara] Ya' know, I haven't really seen hardly many

of the girls at all.

I haven't seen Frankie for a little while.

- [Billi] Is Lydia coming, cause I reckon she don't go

out without Tom, does she?

- [Cara] I caught him the other day in Bella Sorella

sitting by the till,

like Lydia bitched at him [laughs].

- Are you ready?

- Yeah.

- Mine's not really a dress,

it's a jumpsuit.

- Oh my god, that's beautiful.

- Do you like it?

- That is a proper birthday suit.

[rhythmic music]

- [Joey] One thing I definitely want,

don't know if you agree with me,

is I want stairs.

- Obviously, it's a house.

- I thought you wanted a bungalow?

Well, no, it's just an option, isn't it?

- I don't want a cottage though.

- A cottage, why?

- Cottages don't got stairs, have they?

- Yeah, my house is a cottage.

- Is it?

- Yeah, a bungalow doesn't have stairs.

- No, a cottage is the same thing as a barn

as barns have upstairs but they're

not proper upstairs

and they aint' got rooms in there.

- Joey, you're making no sense, come on.

[lips smacking] I love you.

Not with these on.

- Leave them for--

- No!

- One more hour.

- No!

- One more hour.

- Ah, come on.

- Fine.

Ski, man.

Kiss?

[people cheering] [people clapping]

- Debbie's got the worst part?

Swimming in the Thames, disgusting.

- Yeah without a doubt

- [Charlie] Sad that. I wouldn't do it.

You know, I have never actually been to a triathlon before

- Haven't you?

- No, but it's a lovely day for it though, ain't it?

- I know it is lovely

- We've been out a few times now

and for me I am really enjoying your company,

I'm enjoying getting to know you.

I like your morals, I really do.

But, you know, I kind of want to know

what our direction is, you know,

are we looking at it as a potential relationship

or are we kind of, are we buddies or what?

- I would like to be more than that one day.

- One day.

- [laughs] What you mean today?

- Well no, like, babe I just wanna know that

we're kinda of going in the right direction.

- We're not going like north and south.

We're both going south

- What about if we make it a little bit more official

like we're properly dating each other.

Like you're more like exclusive to me,

I'm exclusive to you?

- Is that how you ask a girl out then?

- But the thing is we've already been out on a few dates.

So it's a bit like, it's bit cringing out.

I don't want to use the girlfriend word yet because

I can see that your not there.

You're not, you're not.

- You're making me blush.

- By the way, I don't know why we've got a brolly?

- Because say if it rains.

I like prepare for everything.

You know I like to.

- It don't look like it's gonna rain to me.

[upbeat music] [crowd cheering]

[soft music]

- I feel sick.

- What?

- It's Arg, every time he texts me my stomach flips over.

- Why, you don't know what it's gonna be?

- Oh, it just makes my nerves bad.

Right, ready for it?

"Hi Gemma, hope you're okay.

"We need to catch up soon, kiss."

The most cringing thing ever, he went to me,

"When I was in Ibiza, I stayed in the room.

"I couldn't bare to look at another girl."

- Whatever, in Ibiza of course he didn't.

- And someone texted me saying

he was like a chubby Hugh Hefner

round at the Ocean Club in Ibiza,

courting all the girls.

- I'm not being funny, but really, you and him?

I think you need someone a bit older

who is going to sweep you of your feet.

Take you out.

- Geezer, knows a Chardonnay from a Shiraz.

- Exactly, yeah definitely.

- So you know, the only person that's

gonna know what went on in Ibiza is Diags.

I'm gonna ring him.

[phone ringing]

- Hello

- Diags, it's Gemma.

- Gemma?

- Look, I just want to ask you something.

You know like how me and you have

always been quite good friends

and you've always respected me

as a community figure in Essex

and, you know, you see me as a big sister.

- Yeah, of course, we're proper close.

- In life it's best to be 100% honest at all times.

And just imagine when you answer me

you've got the Holy Bible in front of you, yeah?

Did James cheat on me in Ibiza?

- Say it is not fair to put me in this position.

- It is not fair to put me in this position, is it?

- Where are you?

Where are you Diags?

- I'm sitting in the Shepherd and Dog

- Right, turn the car round,

they're down the Shepherd and Dog.

- Gemma?

Nothing.

[fast-paced music]

- That's sparkly, isn't it?

- I know, I don't want it in the sun.

- Are you excited?

Have you even started preparing yet?

- No, I went to a wedding the other day

and the girl was my age.

There was a girl sitting next to me

and she's just got engaged as well

and she is 26.

And she was like, "Yeah, Lucy I have booked the church

"because it's a 3 year waiting list.

"I've booked this, I've booked this.

"Have you seen how expensive the flowers are?"

I was like, oh my god, oh my god.

I want to get myself excited,

but like I want to get there but I'm not there yet.

- I want to get excited with you as well.

Like, look at Carrie Bradshaw, she never,

she got married like in her 30s

and she never even had kids with Mr Big.

- Carrie Bradshaw's not a real person, Lyd.

- Yeah, I know but I'm just saying.

I think we just need to get you

in the like spirit of it,

because I think probably because there is

so much always going on that

you've not really let it digest

and started planning it and got in the spirit.

Don't worry, why don't we have like a premature hen do?

- Not like a hen do, but like more

of a like talking about wedding ideas.

- I think that's what you need,

and I think as soon as you start trying on dresses

that will be the turning point for you.

- Do you reckon?

You know what I'm like with a wedding dress.

- What was that about?

- I'm confused, man.

Ring her back.

- What's she gonna say,

"Did he cheat on me?"

- "And you tell me now!

- I'm telling you again.

Do you know what I mean?"

- "I'm telling you again,

if you want some of that,

you can have some of that."

[Laughing]

- She always does that, doesn't she?

- I can't believe she hasn't

talked to him or left.

- I am sorry to come here,

but I just need to know if James has cheated on me?

- Why, like why, why do I have to get involved?

- He told me he didn't.

You didn't see him kissing anyone.

- I didn't see him cheat out there.

I never see him kiss or cheat

or get with anyone out there.

I wasn't with him a lot of the time,

I was out on me own but a lot,

like all of the time I was with him--

- What was he doing then?

- Sleeping, a bit like a bear, like a giant bear.

Just sleeping, just doing nothing.

You're coming to me because

you want me to tell you that he cheated.

- I want you to tell me.

- Even before we went to thingy, Ibiza.

He was going to me, "I'm gonna try one last time

to get Gemma to come on holiday with me, one last time.

I want her to come on holiday and see if she says yeah"

And you was on the phone and you said no.

- I would of loved to have gone on holiday with him--

- You said no

- But for my own self respect.

- You said no

- How can I sit on a sun lounger

next to a fella that has told me

that my legs are bigger than his?

I don't know if he is playing me, Diags.

I know you think I am loud and everything,

but I am vulnerable.

I am a bit of a vulnerable girl really.

I'm 31, don't you think I want to

find the love of my life?

He come up to me yesterday,

got his hand like this on mine

and he looked at me in the eyes

and he went, "Gemma, when I'm near you,

you give me a feeling like no other girl gives me.

You've got a hold on me, I feel homesick,

I would never cheat on you Gemma 'cause

I would feel homesick if I was to cheat on you.

Homesick?

What does that mean?

- That's like you miss your Mum, isn't it, homesick?

- Am I like a mother to him? [laughs]

- What's up, my boy!

- What the hell are you wearing?

- What, are you wearing black again?

- What you mean, it's slimming.

- It's all right, come on in.

It's warmer in here.

I can't believe for once you ain't wearing a suit.

- It's not too good, mate, to be honest with you.

This is how like how extreme it's gone.

I've gone for dinner with my mates

and she sent people to come spy on me.

- Do you mean with real spiers?

- No, not real, I don't think she paid spiers

but I think she asked her mates to come and--

- Oh so paid her mates to be spiers?

- No, she didn't pay anyone,

she just asked her friends to come spy on me.

- What with binoculars and that?

- [laughing] No Joey, it don't really matter.

- What do you mean spies?

Seeing what you are doing

or do you mean actual spies with

binoculars and telephones.

- What I mean is, I've gone for dinner

with my mates and she's found out where I am.

She doesn't obviously trust me,

so she's rung up people to come down

and check what I'm doing, okay?

- At the end of the day from

the start of your relationship with Gemma,

you and Gemma, the whole thing

has literally been pointless.

- Yeah

- You can't take me seriously with glasses, can ya?

Or can ya?

- I would rather you took them off,

if that's all right?

- That's what I'm saying,

you've both got the same,

you know what I'm talkin' about?

The same sort of frame.

- We're both overweight, is that what you're saying?

- Yeah, basically overweight.

And that's how you get on.

You're both the same person.

- Me and Charlie been going on dates,

you obviously know about that.

- Yeah, you've become boyfriend

and girlfriend, haven't you?

- Oh, how has this happened?

This is why I needed to talk to you.

It's going like too fast,

too soon for me.

It's kinda like one of them ones

where it's just the moment of time.

[mumbled speaking]

Yeah, I really like him.

So I didn't really take in what he was saying,

if that makes sense.

You can't be boyfriend/girlfriend

before you've kissed.

- But we have kissed,

we just haven't used our tongues.

- Yeah, well that's not kissing.

- That's what I'm scared of,

'cause you know me, I'm kinda frigid.

I don't wanna be his girlfriend

'cause then he's gonna expect a lot

more than I can give right now.

'Cause I'm not ready for

jumping in bed with someone.

That's the honest truth, I'm not ready for that.

- No.

- It's making me stressed.

- I went to Sugar Hut on Saturday.

You know I never get drunk.

I got well drunk,

because it was after he ask me out,

so I was just a bit like, "Whoa!"

- Maybe write him a letter?

- I'm dyslexic, Lydia.

That's not going very far.

- I'll write it for you.

No, he'd love that.

Charlie loves deep shit like that.

Do you know what?

I was in exactly the same, similar position

when Tom asked me to move into his flat with him.

I was like, "Yeah," 'cause I was really happy

and then I sat back and I thought about it.

I thought if I move in with him,

I'm gonna have to start seeing go for poo in the morning--

- I don't want that.

I've done that for the last seven years,

I don't want that.

- I'm gonna have to wash his pants

and there might be skid marks in it.

I thought wait,

we're moving a bit too quick,

we might lose the spark.

- Yeah.

- So the only way forward is to do this

properly so this is what I'm gonna do right,

I'm gonna be Gemma right, and you're gonna be Arg.

- No, I don't wanna start making this a laughing stock

- No, seriously you've got to do this, man, okay?

- Well I do like theatre,

so come on then, we'll do one little go.

- Alright, I'm going to pretend to be Gemma.

- No, don't start taking the piss out of Gemma

and walking in all funny and stuff like that.

- I'm not gonna, what do you think

I'm gonna walk in like?

I'm gonna sit down right

and I'm gonna be Gemma, ready?

All right.

So What's going on between me and you?

What you trying to say,

you going to split up with me or what?

- I love you Gemma and I care about you as a friend.

I tried making things work in relationship,

but I've come to the conclusion that

it's not working for me,

and I need to be single.

I need to be one of the boys.

I mean have you heard the new One Direction song?

- Oh my god, yeah.

- There are things I do want to do.

- The one thing you do,

you always laugh after your own joke.

And when you laugh after your own joke,

it's the worst, even comedians don't do that.

It's the most un-funniest thing you could ever do.

- Why are you saying I'm not funny?

- You really are funny but I'm laughing at ya',

I'm not laughing with ya'.

Do you know what I mean?

I thought I was stupid,

you're well stupid as well.

You're just as stupid as me.

- I'm much more well educated than you

but you're a lot more street wise than me.

- That's it.

But listen, with Ibiza,

you were in Ibiza.

When I went to Ibiza,

there was girls there.

When you were in Ibiza, there were girls there.

But did you cheat?

- No, Joey, I'm the innocent one

in this who thing.

This is how I'm gonna put it to you right now,

and this is the truth, the God's truth

and nothing but the truth, okay?

I did sleep with girls,

well, I did have fun in Ibiza, yeah.

I had fun in Ibiza

and I met some nice people

but that's as far as it goes.

But I do still have to see her

because I've got my Playstation

round there still, Playstation 3.

- You've got to get that back.

- I've got to get that back

and I've my little Kenny More, my theatre award

that I won years ago, when I was a kid.

- Right, birthday girl first.

- No. - Come on.

- Get in

- Isn't it a rule like you have

your boobs our or your bum out?

- No, legs out.

- Your legs.

I like your boobs, Frankie

- They look good, don't they

- When I found out that you were an E,

I was like bloody hell,

but they don't look like they're--

- They are quite hard.

- Mine are really soft now.

- How often do you have to get them done?

- Every 10 years.

- Mine are like 7 1/2 now.

- Are they?

- Well, actually it's their birthday next week.

[girls laughing] - [Group] Cheers!

[cheery music]

- How do you eat mash with chopsticks?

Oh like that.

What is Miss Kilby's future plans?

- I just think like settling down now and--

- You going to move out? You going to move out?

- Moving out, exactly.

- Yeah, you need to move out now, you're 25.

- I know, this is what I mean.

My brother moved out when he was 16.

I know this is stupid but I don't even like pay a bill,

I don't have no responsibilities.

- But that's quite normal.

- No, it ain't.

- It's not normal.

- I pay bills.

- What, have you never paid your phone bill?

- No.

- Are you kidding me?

I had to pay that at like 16.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I pay my phone bill and--

- Car insurance?

- [Cara] Petrol, don't pay.

You don't pay for your petrol?

- [Frankie] You don't pay petrol?

- [Cara] No.

- Cara Kilby!

- This is sick, but I actually want

to pay a bill.

- It's not sick, it's normal.

- Shut up, new boobs.

Yeah, exactly.

- Don't squash them too hard, babes.

- Sorry, babes.

- They look like pecks, I'm really worried.

- No, they're not.

- [Billi] They don't look like pecs.

- I didn't know that Danni and Charlie

are officially a couple

and I was like thinking they're only dating,

what they talking about?

Anyway go further through Twitter

and it all starts coming out, didn't it,

they are now officially an item

and I find out reading it online.

I'm absolutely disgusted.

- Wipe your mouth and move on.

- Do you know what?

- Can I say something to you, let me finish.

You look happy--

- Chin, chin firstly.

- That aint like a large.

I've got a secret to tell ya'.

- You're scaring me.

- Don't be scared.

I've been seeing Rami again.

- Shut up.

- It's all a bit weird but basically Arg dumped me,

has forgotten that he's dumped me.

I have only seen Rami for the last 2 weeks, maybe 3,

all right, I ain't got the calendar here,

when he told me he dumped me

as far as I was concerned I was dumped.

- It's a head fuck, ain't it?

It's like thinking you're on the M25

but actually being on the A13.

You need to know where you stand.

- Right, get on this as well,

yeah, you know Mario, right?

I've never had any problems with Mario.

When everyone went round saying he was cheating on Lucy,

I just said to people look, butt out of their business.

Get on this, Rami was up the Casino in Mayfair,

Mario walks up to him and goes

I know you're seeing Gemma--

- No way!

- Mario turned round and said to Rami, look mate,

I think you can do a lot better than Gemma,

she ain't nothing.

- This was Mario saying this?

- Yes.

- Have you spoke to him since?

- No, but I'm gonna.

[fast party music]

- I'm gonna say one thing,

As the eldest one in this conversation

Men ain't nice people.

- Why?

- They're liars and they cheat.

They're not nice people, honestly.

So have your guard up at all times.

- Why?

- Don't she'll cry again.

- I need a refill, refill

- I've already done it.

- I don't know what people mean

when they say love is blind.

Because when I broke up with Arg,

anyone that said that they were in love,

I said, "Don't.

"They're disgusting, all men are pigs.

"I hate them.

"They're all cheats.

"They're all fat."

And now I'm with Tom,

I realise they're not all ugly, disgusting,

fat, ugly, people.

I was comfortable.

I used to wear granny pants.

- Do you still wear granny pants?

- No, not with Tom.

- Do you not?

- No, I nipped that in the bud.

I never really used to make much effort

but I love Tom so much.

I always want him to think I'm perfect.

I shave my legs twice a week.

That's a commitment.

I really think, genuinely,

that Tom is the one [laughs].

- [Lucy] Do you know what?

I believe you.

[lively music]

- You all right?

Want to come have a chat?

- Yeah.

- You can pause that, can't you?

- [Kirk] Yeah.

- We're going to see a physiatrist,

basically she's gonna tell us

if it's good to like get a

house together now or--

- Psychiatrist?

Joey, that's when like you're crazy or--

- A prediction teller.

- A psychic, a psychic.

- Why do we need a prediction teller

to see if we need to get a house together?

- Well, we don't know whether to get a house together.

- This could ruin it.

- This is ridiculous.

- What I'm saying is right now,

is it better to move into your house now

and then move into a house or go straight into a house?

- So you need advice from a random,

someone random to find out if we need to live together?

- You wanted this as well.

- No, I didn't.

- Don't lie.

- [Psychic] What I do normally is a coffee cup reading.

- What, you can see a picture in there?

- I see it, yeah, I see literally there,

yeah, in the coffee cup, yeah.

- [Joey] Oh my god, it looks like mud.

- Once you feel the sediments with the top of your lips,

this is when I'm going to need you to stop to drink.

Let me see yours.

I can see that in your previous life you were a witch.

But a really good witch.

- Now we know why she's like that.

- What?

- Now we have the answers.

Yeah, she was a white witch,

she was a really good witch,

and remember what the witches were.

- She used to be a witch?

- A witch, yeah.

And remember what the witches were.

Witches were healers, really good people.

Very smart, very intelligent, you know.

Many years ago I think you was really, really powerful.

And I'm telling you, once a witch, always a witch.

[group laughing]

You are going to get a house,

there's no doubt about it.

You are going to be the one

who's going to go to the person

and literally buy the house off the person.

It's going to be three of you living together,

yeah, it's going to be you two and your child.

Okay, there's going to be 3 people living together.

- This is the longest we've never spoke before,

do you realise that?

- Yeah, I know and I hated every minute of it,

every minute, but I didn't want to start.

The only reason I didn't speak was because

I didn't want it to turn into an argument.

- Do you know, I have discussions with people

every day of my life.

In my daily business

and they don't end in arguments.

- Yeah, I know, but--

- Does that not tell you something?

You know, I have spent my life trying to guide

you because I have years of experience in life,

like twice as much as you

and I'm trying to guide you through life.

- More than twice as much.

- Well, two and a half times then.

If you wanna do your own thing

then please go off and do your own thing.

- I'd rather have, find something

that I can do for a job.

Yeah, make a career out of it

and have that as my thing,

working on my own and then be your son.

I loved it when we used to go shopping,

we used to go--

- Yeah, but you know I am wrapped up with what I do,

I have so much going on in business.

- You're a dad.

- I've got a London club that I am working on

- Yeah, but you're a dad, you must be able to--

- You can come along,

you can come along for the ride

as a son to do, to make--

- I just want to do father and son things with you.

- To make moves and do what you wanna do, mate.

I would love to do father and son things with ya'.

Whatever you wanna do, mate.

- I'm gonna get a new car.

I want you to come and look.

- Who is?

- Me.

- What is with you and cars?

- I love, just love changing them.

- Why do you need to change your car though?

- I dunno, I just get bored, don't I?

- Yeah, but it's madness.

[rhythmic music]

- [Joey] That was interesting, wasn't it?

- I thought it was a bit weird, to be honest.

But I do like the whole reading thing

but not when we're trying to move in together.

- [Billi] I thought it was interesting,

I have never been to anything like that like though.

- The whole moving in thing made sense though,

he said didn't he?

He said we're gonna get a nice house,

like make babies and that in 3 years time.

- Do you want a tea?

- Did you, yeah I'll have a tea.

Did you go there just to do

the moving in thing or just to do it?

- [Joey] Both really.

- So like if he turned around

and said I don't think it is a good idea

for you two to move in together,

would you listened to him?

- Nah, I'd still do it.

Why would I listen?

Would you listen?

- Well no, it wasn't even my idea in the first place.

- Why is that the sort of thing I'd do?

Why is that something I would do, no I wouldn't.

- It is.

- Well, the main thing is he has

only said positive things, so least you're both fine

and you're moving in together.

- Come on, we argue over a bacon sandwich.

- You made me eggs on toast the other day

and then I said I don't want eggs on toast--

- So yeah, so then I had to throw it away.

- Don't make it for me,

because I'm going to get into the shower,

and then you make me eggs and toast

and then like have a go at me.

- Yeah, but isn't that just him being horrible?

- No, I just don't want eggs and toast.

- I am making--

- Can I just say one thing,

can we stop this arguing from now on?

All I am saying is that you are definitely

coming on your period and you're definitely moody today.

Just admit it.

- Yeah, but how long have we been going out now?

Surely you should realise that

and just leave me alone then when I'm like this.

- Well I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I wont talk to you all week then.

What do you want me to do?

- Well no, not talk to me all week,

but if you know that I am being a bit quieter

or a bit moody then you should know

just back off a little bit.

- All right, well, I will, I will, right.

- Right, here' what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna move my stuff into here, yeah?

And then I'm gonna put my place on the market,

so we can rent it out

and then we're gonna find a place together.

Is that a good plan for you?

- Yep.

- Good plan, yeah?

- See deep down you love this plan

and you're trying to be the bossy girlfriend.

- No, I'm not at all.

You don't understand,

you don't go out with Joey,

so you don't realise it's hard work.

- You're gettin' offended because you think

Joey's leavin' it and leavin it and--

- And on you're period.

- I actually feel like a bride.

It is quite important that you

wear a veil on your wedding day.

- I'm not gonna.

- I'm going to wear a veil.

- [Billi] You know if you're a virgin

then you have to wear a veil.

- [Lydia] You look like, you know what

you put on the loo rolls?

- Toilet roll holder?

You can't have that like messing up your lashes

and pulling all your hair out.

- [Lucy] Your lashes getting stuck to your veil.

- Would you actually wear that dress, yeah?

- [Lucy] No.

- Is this what you want?

- Tonight wasn't about me picking my dress.

Tonight was about getting me excited.

I love this dress.

- [Billi] Do you feel too young to be doing this?

- Honestly, yes.

- [Billi] You feel like a little girl who's dressing up?

- I am in love, I am in love

and I love that I am engaged, but I do feel young.

- Talking about wedding, growing up, moving on.

There is something I am going to do tonight.

- What?

- You going to lose your virginity?

[girls laugh]

- Maybe later.

You know what we was speaking about the other day,

about me and my allowance

and like relying on my Dad et cetera.

I am going to cut up my cards.

- Why don't you do it now?

Don't be all talk, we wanna see it.

- What really?

I don't know, I need to think about this one a bit.

- No shopping any more in London, you's two.

- I could always borrow Billie's

- No don't, this is what I mean.

What?! Oh my god you are actually cutting it up.

- Oh Cara, I am so proud of you.

- I'm really upset, I am really angry.

- Right, cheers to Cara.

Go on Cara.

Well done.

Cheers to Cara!

- How can you cheers to this?

- [Lucy] Independent women!

- [Kirk] This is it.

- [Mick] That's what you're getting?

- Do you not like it?

- It's all right.

- [Kirk] This is like heaven for me, yeah?

- It's a boy racer gaff, ain't it?

- It looks unreal.

- [Sales Man] Bit different to your Range Rover?

- A lot different.

- Three litre, twin turbo, so it's a bit quick.

- I love it.

- Well, listen, you two have a chat about it,

have a think, give me a shout in a minute, all right?

- Thank you very much.

- It's good to see you, thanks.

- What do you think, aye?

- I think you're a bit too keen, son.

He ain't even done a deal yet

and you're like I like it, I like it.

You've got to play it down a little bit.

- Yeah, but it's a nice car.

- You've seen that price?

You've got to think of slashing it.

- Yeah, I've just seen that price, Christ.

So what about, I was saying.

I've got my new kitchen in my house,

I'll cook you dinner.

You said you are living in your caravan

and you're not liking it.

- Are you inviting me to dinner?

- Yeah.

- Makes a change, doesn't it?

- Well, you need to help me cook.

I can cook for me, but I need to expand it.

- Teach you some of my little gourmet tricks.

- You've taught me a few,

but I've half burnt my new kitchen down trying.

See I would love to work for ya' if we were like this.

- I told you earlier on like,

you're not happy to listen half of the time.

- Yeah.

- You know better.

- Watch your watch on my new car.

I just heard that.

No, right, I would love to work with ya', not to run people.

Just say you know what Kirk,

that's your little thing, you do that.

I need to re-bond with everyone

like I'm doing with you, I'm enjoying it.

- Yeah.

- Who's about, everyone about?

You just took the wing mirror of my car now, ain't ya'?

Bloody hell.

- They're all about, mate, everyone's about.

- How's Lauren?

You seen Lauren?

- All right, I've seen Lauren yeah.

- Is she all right?

- Yeah, she's good, good.

Lauren and Chloe and them are pals, ain't they?

- They're mates, are they?

- Yeah.

- I'll have to see if they want to be my mates.

- I don't think so.

- Great.

- You've burnt them bridges.

- What bridges?

Never burnt a bridge, mate, always keep them open.

It's like two way traffic, if you go, you're allowed back.

- Well, anyway get this sorted out.

- What am I doing?

- Do a deal, just don't sound too keen.

- What do I do?

- Just say it as it is,

just try and do yourself a deal.

- All right.

- Can you imagine if you come round tomorrow

and me and Lyd are on the sofa pissed

with our wedding dresses on?

- See you.

- See you later.

- See you later girls.

- Bye.

- Thanks for coming.

- Just the two of us and then.

[knocking on door]

- Did you hear a knock?

I bet they've forgot something or something.

- [Lucy] Gemma, you look lovely, come in.

We're having a girly night in, this is my new crew.

- How are you both?

You look lovely.

- [Lucy] We're fine, are you okay?

- We're just casually just sitting here in wedding dresses.

- [Gemma] You's two are cracking me up.

- [Lucy] Are you all right, do you want a glass of wine?

- I would like a glass of wine.

I am here to see Mario, is Mario around?

- No, he is not, her's out.

- No, he has got to be here, I've been told her's here.

- [Lucy] No, her's out, honestly.

What's wrong, tell me?

- 100%?

- 100% Gemma.

Trust me.

Gemma, do you really think I'd let him be here

with me like this?

- All right, pour us a glass of wine then.

- You want a glass of wine, yeah.

- Do you know what?

I get abusive text messages from her every day.

This is how bad it's got, she's threatened,

I'll show you now, to send a naked picture of me out

and post it on Twitter.

Look, right, be honest, as a friend, want do you think?

Penis wise, it's not that bad, is it?

- It's good.

- Yeah, it's good isn't it?

- Seriously, I didn't think you'd be able to see it but--

- Do you know what,

I don't even care if she sends it out.

- Send it out!

- You guys have been hearing probably

a load of rubbish out of Arg's mouth--

- He is Jekyll and Hyde.

One minute he is like the loving person

and the next minute he is a complete and utter arsehole.

And he wants everyone to feel sorry for him

and pretend that her's the Jekyll side the whole time.

Is that the right one.

What side is it? And he--

- Jekyll, her's Jekyll.

- Yeah, he tries to pretend he is the Jekyll

side the whole time.

- Well I've got something to tell you.

- Obviously, like three or four days ago

actually I went to Mayfair bar and I bumped into Rami.

- That's her ex boyfriend, yeah, yeah.

- Her ex boyfriend, I've never met him, you know.

- I've never actually met him, you know.

- To be honest with ya', he is the nicest guy,

one of the nicest I've met, her's a lovely guy.

- I'm sure he is.

- To be fair, he is a very nice guy.

When we first starting talking he was a bit cagey,

I was like have you spoken to Gemma lately?

He was like, yeah we talk and I was like okay.

So we had a few shots, had a few drinks

and later on that night he turned around to me

and said I have been seeing Gemma for last two months.

His words.

- Two months? Not two weeks?

- Two months.

- What, she has been meeting him behind

my back basically for the last two months?

- That's what he said, her's been seeing her

and talking to her.

And her's been seeing her.

His words were I have been seeing her

for the last two months.

- Two months?

- Two months.

- I have not cheated on Arg.

He dumped me the day before he went to Ibiza

so that little dirty, puffed up rat wanted to do

get more diseases that he has properly already got.

This is the calm before the storm

and basically when I get hold of him

that storm is going to kick off,

because I am going to ruin you, you little mug.

Yeah, definitely.

- Baba, you all right?

I am your new wife

Gemma has turned up to see you.

- Standard.

- You wish.

- I am going to let you have your chat.

- Yeah, because you've had such a lovely night.

- And me and Lydia are going to go to bed

in our wedding dresses and get pissed.

- See you in a bit girls

- Right, all I want to say to you is

don't ever go up to my new fella

and tell him I ain't good enough to be with him.

Is it because I am not a perfect size 10?

Is it because...

- I can hear you.

I am not being horrible, Gem,

I am in the other room and this is my house,

you can see tiaras, wedding dresses

and everything you are saying is bollocks

because I was with him.

Mario wouldn't say that about you,

you know he wouldn't.

Do you really think, I would sit here--

- Please don't cry, don't cry.

- No, no I'm not going to cry this is my night.

- Don't cry.

- I am not crying.

This is my night you can see everything,

you've come in and do you really think

I would be sitting here cosy with you

if I had known you had come here

to speak to my boyfriend about this

if I knew that had happened, because it hasn't.

- And if you don't believe me shall we get Rami in then?

- Yeah, get him in.

- Because Rami is in the car.

- Get him in.

- Because I just want to get to the bottom of it.

- Rami.

- Hello darling.

- Hello Rami.

- [Lucy] Talk of the devil.

- I have turned around and said to him,

did he turn around and say to you

at the Mayfair casino that I weren't good enough for you.

- Why did you say that, to be honest, with all of us here.

- I didn't say it.

- I don't think I said it.

Rami, I spent an hour with you, I spent an hour with you,

I had shots with you, we exchanged numbers,

I ain't being funny--

- No, no, it wasn't an hour, it was about 20 minutes.

- Do you know what, Rami, I'm not being horrible

but I don't know you and I have been

having a party with my girls.

Look at me, this is embarrassing.

Please get out.

It is your relationship.

- I will go Lucy because I don't want to upset you.

Why didn't you pull him at the time?

- Yeah, but Gemma listen, listen, what do you mean?

- I just need to get out of this dress

because it is making me feel that

I'm going to get bad luck.

- They've got bad luck, but not us.