All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S06E09.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

- [Narrator] This programme
contains a trip to the seaside,

a dodgy duet, and a quick dump.

The tans you see might be fake,

but the people are all real,

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

- Woo!

- [Narrator] Previously on
"The Only Way Is Essex."

- 'Course I'm gonna confront
Sam.

And if she gives me the bullshit
back

that it's this girl I know,

I'm just gonna laugh in her
face.

[upbeat electronic music]

- I've seen my sister cry for a
whole day,

because of you.

I think you're a lunchbox.

- Someone give you like an
Essex dictionary or something?

- Ta ta.

- You come to me insinuating
he was touchy-feely with you

in Marbella!
- Insinuating?

What do you mean, insinuating?

- What, are you going
back on your word now?

[upbeat pop music]

♪ The only way is up

♪ Baby

♪ For you and me now

[soft music]

- How two-faced can two people
be?

I know I shout and I know
I, I do shout really loud.

- [Arg] Yeah, you do, yeah.

- But I'm not a two-faced
person.

- Bobby's your pal, he's
like, one of your friends.

Charlie, I don't quite
understand

what happened with you and
Charlie, but--

- Nothing.

- [Arg] All right. [laughing]

- That's what happened, nothing.

- I love you to bits, but,

Gemma Collins, you are like a
volcano.

You go from, like, zero to
a hundred within seconds.

It's not nice to have screaming
rows

and calling people every
name under the sun.

Sometimes you just need
to, you know, relax.

- Thing is James, I don't
mean it when I do it.

- Check yourself before
you wreck yourself.

Just forget about everyone else,

it's about you and me.
- Concentrate on us.

- Exactly, it's about you and
me.

I've got a special surprise for
ya,

and even though you should--
- I don't think I deserve it.

- No, I don't think you do
deserve it,

to be honest with ya,

I think--
- I do, I do.

- I think you should
be surprising me, but--

- I'll surprise you with
a slap if you carry on.

[Both laughing]

- But at the end of the day,
I've done something special.

This'll probably be the best
thing

I've ever done for anyone.
- Okay.

♪ All over the radio

♪ And back up in the raves again
♪

♪ We got the crowd on the wave

- Well, Lucy's having a
birthday party later this week.

You boys are more than welcome
to come.

It's prom themed, so you might
have to dig out your suits.

- Fancy it?
- Yeah, why not?

- Yeah?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Right, lovely.

No trouble, though.

No upsetting people.
- Listen,

no trouble, 100% listen.

What, is everyone gonna be
there?

- Everyone is gonna be there,

so if you kick off, I'll
have to kick you out.

You have upset a lot of people
haven't ya?

- Mate, do you know what, like--

- Especially Frankie.

You say you slept with someone,

but what I think, from what I
heard,

is that, in fact, after, you
said,

"I ran her a bath in the
morning."

I've got two sisters.

If someone said that about my
sisters,

now that's disrespectful.
- Yeah.

- Look, I've got a sister,
I've got a sister as well.

It's the same thing.

If someone said something about
my sister,

I'm gonna want to go and deal
with it.

- Yeah, exactly.
- As anyone would.

- But I think the thing is,

you've got to deal with
it in the right way.

We're not in the
playground anymore, right?

- Yeah.
- You can't go up to someone

and start cussing, and
having a cussing match,

like we're fifteen years of age.

He's a man now, he's not a boy
anymore.

- Exactly.
- Do you know what I mean?

- You can't get through to his
head,

you just don't take the
piss out of somebody,

and then ask for an apology.

- I think, for you,

I think you've just got to be a
gentleman.

Just actually talk
things out with Frankie,

which I'm sure you
probably wanna do anyway.

- It's just, excuse your pardon.

I want to put that to bed
straight away.

- [Darrell] That's just
Essex, you say something,

we had a bit of banter between
me and him.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- And then, suddenly,
everyone knows about it.

- It's like spiralling towards
us.

- [Darrell] Frankie's not a bad
girl.

- Yeah, she's a nice girl.

- And it got took to a point,

I think is just very misguided,

do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, boys, I better go.

See you at South End for the
birthday.

- Nice to meet you mate.
- Take care mate.

- He's actually a right nice
guy.

- He's a good boy.
- Yeah, he's lovely.

Fancy it?
- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

- It was nice seeing your dad,
weren't it?

- Yeah I love going to visit
him.

The thing is I hate leaving.

Like I love going there
and it's all happy,

and we tell him about everything
that has been going on,

and then I hate just walking
away

and just waving and he
just sits there doesn't he.

- Yeah, I know it's horrible.

He just sits there and
waves back doesn't he?

- That's the thing, that
you go into these prisons

and it's like all sorts of
people,

you think about all the mass
murderers

and you've got god knows who's
in there,

and then you've got Dad,

that really ain't done anything
that bad

and he is mixing with like

all of these different kinds of
people.

It's got to be scary.

- Imagine living in prison,

just for like say, say for
instance

you've got like 10 years,

what are you meant to do in a
cell

for 10 years, well boring.

- I couldn't even imagine, like
number one

how horrible your bed would be,

number two being banged up
like twenty odd hours a day.

- They have well shit
channels as well, don't they?

They don't even have ITV2.

[sam laughing]

They don't.

- If I went to prison,
like a girls' prison,

you must be able to get make
up and eyelashes and fake tan.

- Imagine every morning
and you have to wake up

and like put fake tan on.

- No, I wouldn't do it every
day.

I'm saying like if I had a
visitor.

If you had to come and visit me.

- Right boy I fancy a drama free
day

so obviously there's no
Gemma on the guest list.

- Yeah thank God.

Did you hear some of the
stuff she was saying?

She was like, "You're too
little to even talk to."

I was gonna be like, you're
too big to even miss.

- Do you know what, she
ain't gonna ruin the day.

We're going to South End, I love
it there.

I used to spend every
single year over there.

- It's nostalgic to you, isn't
it?

- This is tradition to me.

This is not a school trip in
it, I'm kind of loving it.

So we get on there, we
have a little jolly out

sing song on the way.

- Let's start the party early.

- Crack open the--
- Hello.

- Hello, morning.
- Good morning.

- Sorry we're late.

- We had to stop off at
the offiCe, didn't we.

- You're already ready
drinking, are you kidding me?

Shall we go?

- Yeah.
- Let's do this.

- [Member] Let's all get on
Bobby's bus!

[group cheering]

[soft guitar strumming]

- [Cara] Tom, guess who just
text me?

- Who?
- Argen.

- What he say?

- Hold this, I'm gonna read it
to you.

- "Cara, I was so happy we made
up

"and I have said nothing but
nice things

"about your brother recently.

"You did say to me I don't make
it right

"Tom and Lydia being together.

"You may have a little tiff with
Tom,

"but can't you be honest?"
- What?

- Do you know what he think he
does?

I think he goes to bed at night,

and he has a dream, and in that
dream,

when he wakes up in the
morning, he believes the dream.

Why would he seriously
think that I would side

with him over you and
Lydia, it's beyond me.

I was the one that got
you and Lydia together?

[Cara grunts]

- I'm realising I nicked
his bird, what you mean?

I mean he's just been acting
like a complete donut.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

[group singing]

- Don't you think being part
slutty drunk

is the best ever?

- It's tradition.

- Did you go on the rides there?

- I got on the majority of the
rides.

The certain upside downy ones I
don't do.

- Absolutely bricking it mate.

- It's good, really.

- Yeah I got 10 underwear on
today

so I can shit my pants
and not worry about it.

- I don't think you have to
worry about it

being on the rides.
- Why's that?

- Height restrictions.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

- You know with Tom, he's got my
back.

He gets me, understands
me, I think he cares.

- Right so Tom's pros and cons
are?

- He's good looking, he's a
lovely boy.

He's intelligent.

- Does he make you smile?

- Don't know?

- You get that like warm fuzzy
feeling?

- No, that's what I mean.

- Well then, at the end
of the day, be fair,

if that's how you feel, but
like,

you've got to tell him babe.

Wait until later, have a drink,

but maybe don't ever drink
because

then you'll be like, oh like, if
he was?

And he'll be with his eyebrows.

[upbeat carnival music]

- Fuck this.

I don't know why, I'm
absolute shit it in it.

I did see a couple screws
loose when I was walking up.

- Fuck this, fuck this,
fuck this, fuck this.

[group cheering]
[upbeat music]

Shit, fuck this, oh fuck this.

[upbeat music]

[group clattering]

- All right, I ain't gonna lie.

Girls are at the candy shop.

They're not turning you on?

[laughing]

- I've been looking after Danni
today.

She's been a little bit
vulnerable.

- Charlie may be on the love
boat.

[group screaming]

- How dare you just bring
this up in his face?

- I still love you, bubs.

- All right mate, look at the
girls.

Twirling the candy around.

[group cheering]

You again, no candy.

You see this candy, you get none
of this.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

- I have never liked him.
- Who, Jamie?

- Yeah.

- I know, he is such a bean
ain't he?

I don't wanna get
involved with him anymore.

I just completely wanna drop him
out,

and then like with all this
ag with Mario and Lucy,

but hopefully we will
sort that out tonight.

They're going to come round,

we're having a take
away and they are coming

round to see us.
- Joe.

- Yea?

- Why have you got a
watch around your ankle?

[laughing]

- You didn't notice that?

I have been wanting to do this
for ages

but I couldn't find a
watch to fit my ankle.

I actually went to a shop the
other day

and they said we haven't got,
watches don't go round ankles.

And I said yeah but I
need one around my ankle

and they said was it for a dare?

And I was like no, it's fashion.

They give me an extra large one,

like will fit like a drive or
something.

Like cut that one.

- Why would you, who would
need a watch that big?

- I don't know, this one's
not meant for ankles,

but it looks corny, doesn't it?

The things can't tell time
anyways.

I wear too watches,
can't even tell the time.

- So you still can't tell the
time.

It's so easy, the little's
hand is on the one,

and the big hand's on the
six, what would that be?

[mouth fluttering]

- Quarter past.

[laughing]

You looked on my tag.

- You've been spending
too much time in prisons.

- It's all another on.

It's disgusting, it's
bogus and all that shit.

- It's Sam though, is she all
right?

- She's all right, yeah.

It's all on it, she's
seeing her dad in prison.

- Yeah, because you've seen that
film

and that man looks in the
dark cell for that ages.

It's Alcatraz or something.

It was like the naughtiest
prison ever,

and it got closed down
because it was so naughty.

- Alcatraz?
- Yeah.

- Is that Hitler, in Germany?

[laughing]

- I don't know.

[soft music]

- I feel sick.
- Stop stop stop.

Just here mate, thank you mate.

- Interesting day today.
- Keep your eyes shut.

- [Gemma] All right,
they're shut, they're shut.

Am I gonna love this?
- Yes.

- [Gemma] Watch my eyelashes,
watch my eyelashes.

- All right, I'm not
touching your eyelashes.

- [Gemma] Watch my eye lashes.

- All right, take a step
forward.

Can't say I don't do anything
romantic

or special or thoughtful
for anyone, all right.

Duh!

- Oh my God, this is so sweet of
you.

- Kenneth Moore theatre.

- I know, it brings up so many
memories

when I was young, sort of stage
stuff.

What we did, still look sharp?

- Yeah it is sharp, but
Steven's the manager,

he's opened up especially for
you and me.

I pulled a few strings and--

- And?

- And you just have to
wait and see, come on.

♪ One, two, three, four

♪ Tell me that you love me more
♪

♪ Sleepless long nights

♪ Stars are made for

♪ Oh teenage hopes arrive at
your door ♪

- Oh God, he proper put a
line in his mouth, didn't he?

- Hello guys!
- Hello!

- [Ricky] We thought for Bobby's
birthday,

we will have some Bobby's
bubbles.

- [Danni] Aww we saved you some.

- [Mario] Ricky, thanks
for much for my sausage.

[group cheering]

- Thank you everyone for coming
today,

I have had such a nice
afternoon.

- I actually feel like this has
been

one of the best days ever.

- [Bobby] This has been the
best day in a very long time.

- [Danni] And it hasn't even
ended yet

- We've got Bobby's night, gonna
go out.

We're gonna let our hair down

and we're going to paint the
town crimson.

Gay bar, Basildon, bush.

- Yeah, bush.
- Not literally.

- I was gonna say No bush, no
bush.

- I was gonna say no
bush yeah, for one night.

- you mean bosh!
- Bosh!

It's bish, bash, bosh.

- Bush!

- Bob, I'm really sorry, but me
and Mario

can't make it tonight.

- Are you faking with me?

- I'm really sorry, we've had a
lovely day

but we've got to get back to the
dogs.

They've been out all day.
- I'll let you off.

- I'm sorry, it's really lovely.

[group cheering]

- Happy birthday, cheers.

[group cheering]

- Don't you think it is crazy

how we have both performed here,

but we never crossed paths.

Are you ready?

- For what?
- Curtains.

[piano playing]

- [Gemma] Oh my god, oh my god.

- Steven's gonna--
- James.

- Steven's gonna give us a
singing lesson.

- Oh my god, the last time
I had a singing lesson

with you I was about fifteen.

Let's go.
- Come on then.

- Oh my god James, I am going to
sing so

much better than you, you
jealous?

- You've got no chance.
- Oh, shut up.

- That's why you was always at
the back

and I was always at the front.

- Oh shut up James.

Haven't seen you for ages.

- I know, how are you?

How are you, you all right?
- Good, how are you?

- I'm all right.

Shall we start?

Do you know the alphabet?
- Yeah.

- You sure?
- Yes.

- Both of you know the alphabet?

- No.
- Ok, we will do it slowly.

- Shut up Gem.

- All you have to do is, it
goes.

A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-
Q-R-S-T-U-V-W.

- I don't wanna do that,
that's embarrassing.

- W-X-Y-Z.

Just do it Gemma, he
wanted a singing lesson.

This is what you are doing.

- You do that bit then.

- All right, we will do it
slowly,

but really over enunciate,
we'll do it really slowly.

- Really over enunciate?

- Yeah, over, really over
enunciate, big.

- Ok cool.
- Nice, attractive.

A, two three, A.

♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G

♪ H-I
♪ H-I.

- Sorry, ok, ok.

♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-W
♪

- Where does W come after P?

- I'm sorry.

- What alphabet did you learn at
school?

Ok, really over enunciate.

♪ A-B-C-D-E-F

- Ok, ready, one, two, three.

♪ A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O
♪

- W, oh, W, fuck.
- PQRSTUVWXYZ.

- Ok, well done Gem.

- I keep saying W, why do I do
that?

- Because you're a wanker.

- You can't call me that
in a singing lesson.

[upbeat music]

- What about that, Diego, go
down.

- And we're up.

36 pound down.

[laughing]

- This is so boring mate, do
you actually do this everyday?

- Along these lines though,
yeah.

I was an investment dealer,

so you basically get rich
people;

say like who do we know
who is really rich?

- Mario Falcone.

- No, like proper rich, like
Mick.

Micky Norcross, right,
he'd come to the bank,

give his money, some of
his money to the bank

and me and the guys in
investment will look after it.

- But, you have lost his loads
of money?

- No mate, you have lost him
loads of money all right,

so you be getting, you'll
be getting the boot.

- You're the trader, I am
not licenced to do this,

why you let me do it?

- Don't, it's early days yet we
sit back,

put our feet up and then
just watch the money come in.

- But it's not coming
in, you're losing it.

So what's going on with the
Goodge?

Obviously you haven't made it
official,

you've been seeing each
other for quite a while now

and I think maybe pop the
question?

- I know, she's always like, I
think,

I don't know I think
she finds it weird that

she hasn't dated in so long has
she?

- Have you shagged her yet?

- You know she don't like
us talking about that?

- Have you shagged her yet?
- Diags, what do you reckon?

- Have you?
- Yes.

- If she finds out you've
have been telling people

that you have been having sex
with her

then she's going to be
proper annoyed about that.

- Well, a gentleman don't
kiss and tell does he?

- You just told me.

- [Tom] I'm not gonna go into it
am I?

- So you have had a bed with
her?

- I know what you're like mate.

If I start telling you
shit, you're just gonna go

and start blurting it around.

And plus she don't want
me talking about it.

- If I get pissed, yes I will.

Or else I don't get drunk or
anything.

If I get drunk I will tell
everyone.

But?

- And there's a quite high
likely

that you're gonna get pissed.

- I might be drunk later on
today.

Yeah I'll probably tell her
later then.

- [Tom] You're gonna tell her
what?

- That you've been telling
people.

- I hardly talk about it anyway
mate.

Have you got your thingy back
yet?

Your STD check?

- I'm actually all clear.

I'm actually quite short.
- Really?

- I swear to god I got
no diseases on my cock.

- Even if you was, no
disease on your cock,

what about inside it?

[laughing]

- Nah I got nothing, I got
not a thing, all clear.

My [mumbles] says it's all
clear.

- I got a feeling even if you
did,

you wouldn't tell me anyway.

[laughing]

- You always tell me
when you have chlamydia.

[laughing]

[soft music]

- All of us heard bits of it,

and we were a bit confused
and we're obviously

worried about you and
Charlie and what she's saying

because we don't want you hurt.

- What it is, she's
adamant that I'm a gay man.

I think she thinks that I'm
some,

closeted individual.
- Why would she do that?

- I don't know.

- I just can't get in my
head why she acted like that.

- What has fucked this girl off,

and I know exactly what it is
because

she's come to me saying,
"I'm so upset and I'm angry.

"You've gone to Lydia and
confided in her about you feel

"then coming to me."

- So do you reckon there's
nothing you ever said

or maybe insinuated that's made
her think

that there is something going on

between you and me, Bob?

- I can categorically tell you,

I can tell you, I can tell
everyone on this beach,

I have never ever told Gemma

nothing regarding Charlie.

- [Lucy] Nothing that can
be taken the wrong way.

- No there's nothing, why would
I?

You just don't do that.

- I would say, if you did that,
you'd be

rubbing her face in it?

- Exactly, that's why I spoke to
Lydia

and because I'm better friends
with Lydia

than I am with her, and
she can't stand that.

- She seems so adamant that it
did

put an element of doubt in my
hand

and that's the sad thing about
it, it did.

- That you've got that element
of doubt

that tells me that actually
we're so far

from getting our friendship
back, it's unbelievable.

If you're gonna take that
bitter,

twisted, bitch of a lex's word
over mine, go for it babe.

- I thought, We'll do
'Somewhere' from West Side Story

- Yeah, ok.
- Do you know it?

- Yeah.

- And you know what all the
story's about,

and about the love between
Maria and Tony and all that.

I thought it would be
quite appropriate today,

don't you think?

No, Gemma's face when she was
here when she was thirteen,

do you remember what it was?

- No.

- I've got glitter on my face,
I've got glitter on my tits,

and I'm ready, all the time,
didn't you?

- Yeah, I did.
- She ain't changed has she?

- See, see, and are you ready?

- Yeah.

- There you go, come on
let's do it, shh, do it.

♪ There's a place for us

♪ Somewhere a place for us

♪ Peace and quiet and all

- Relax, relax.
♪ Wait for us, somewhere

♪ There's a time for us

♪ Some day a time for us

♪ Time together, with time to
spare ♪

♪ Time to love, time to care

♪ Some day, somewhere

- Shall we do it once more?
- At least we tried.

♪ So if you want me

♪ You better come and find me

- I really can't bothered to do
this.

I'm tired after today and like,

if there's anyway I'm
gonna get an apology,

we're gonna get an apology,

and it's all gonna be sorted
out,

and I guess we're gotta do it.

- What can Sam do about
apologise?

- I'd hope she'd ask.
- So do I, baby, let's go.

There's no way was going to
let you come on your own, baby.

Ready?
- Yep.

[door knocking]

- Hiya.
- Hi.

- Thanks for coming guys,
do you mind coming in?

- Yep.
- Cool.

- All right, Joe?

- Alright, Luce, you alright?

- Do you's mind if I just speak
to Lucy on my own for a bit?

- Yeah come on, yeah that's
fine.

- Thanks guys.

You ok?
- Yeah, are you?

- Good, I just, do you mind
if I speak before anything,

like basically I just want
you just to understand

and appreciate the fact
that what has happened here,

I haven't just made up, I
haven't
completely just made it up

off the top off my head like,

I didn't text that girl, I rang
her.

And I rang her because
I just wanted it to be

over and done with, and I
didn't want to see you hurt.

[soft music]

- It's all stupid.
- Pathetic isn't it?

- We've all fallen out over fuck
all.

- What?

- We've all fallen out over fuck
all.

- Fucking stupid.

- It wasn't that I ever thought
that you made it up Sam,

because I know you wouldn't do
that to me.

It's the fact that you told
people before finding the proof,

that's what's hurt, and
it's made everyone think

that I'm little naive Lucy
sitting at home

while Mario is out cheating,

and you know that is
what people think of me.

And it's not true, because
he hasn't cheated on me.

♪ This place about to blow

♪ Blow

♪ This place about to blow

- Hey guys!
- Hello, here they are!

- I feel like everyone is
undressing me with their eyes.

- I know.

- I was wondering if they
have like a funny handshake

to let you know if you're
interested like,

[laughing]

Like you know?

- I think they would just slap
your arse,

that lets you know if
you're interested, yeah.

I thought when we were walking
in,

I ordered a white wine spritzer.

Then they're gonna think
oh hello, on the market,

so I thought no gonna stay away,

gonna order a nice manly pint.

- I'm gonna talk about cars,
I'm gonna talk about hunting,

women action men.

♪ Keep me running

♪ Because it feels so good.

- He's a nice guy and
everything,

but I am just not
feeling it at the minute.

I feel that I don't want him to
like think

that it's gonna progress
into anything more.

- Do you need someone who can be
like,

what do they call it the alpha
male?

Someone who's, someone who's
dominant, yeah, but you do.

Because you're you.

Your ex relationship was very
controlling.

You're used to someone
saying do this, do that.

- Yeah.
- Yo gang.

- Hi.
- Hello.

- Yeah, budge up girls.
- I'm budging, I'm budging.

- Oh my God, just been
on the magest date ever.

- [Girls] Where?

- I took Gemma to the Kenmore
theatre.

- The what?

- That's when I was little.

- You're joking.

We're all been destined
to meet in our lives.

- That's Ilford.

- Where's Tom and Diags,
are they coming down?

- [Lucy] They're are coming
later.

- Dan, you're not on the market,
down.

- Hello.
- Not on stage.

[laughing]

- Are you coming Dan?
- Down.

- Are they coming down?

- [Women] Coming down.

- Is Tom and Diags coming down?

[laughing]

- Me and you have fallen
out for the last two months.

- Over nothing.
- Over nothing.

You know what I mean, it's so
stupid.

I mean, we've been to Lapland
together and everything.

It's stupid, it's stupid.

- It's so stupid mate, it's
ridiculous

- Hopefully, it'll get it
sorted.

- I don't want to carry on
arguing with you and Mario.

I don't dislike Mario, I didn't
just do it

because I was just being nasty
and bitchy

and didn't want you and Mario
together.

That wasn't the whole point of
it,

that wasn't my intention
at all, and that's all.

- Ok.

- Mate, it's women.
- It's girls, isn't it?

- Men are straight up.

- I've got my birthday
in a couple of days.

I don't know if you remembered.

- I know, twenty one.

- The big 2-1, I am the last
one.

- [Sam] The youngest out of
everyone.

- I know, so I would like
it if you and Joey to come.

- Yeah.

- [Sam] Because it wouldn't be
right.

- We'd love to come, do
you know what my theme is?

- No, what is it?
- My theme's prom.

- [Sam] Is it?

- Like big dresses and stuff.

This is what was on my mind as
well,

because I thought it's
going to be really weird

without Sam there because--

- Because we had prom together.

- Because we went to Prom
together,

so I was like it is going to be
really odd

if we don't make up and stuff.

It's just going to be weird.

Look at them Sam, we're fine.
- You all right now?

- You can come in.
- Yeah?

- What, have you made up?
- [Girls] Yeah.

- So this means you can
come to my party now, Joey.

- Yeah, I'm coming.

- [Joey] Yeah I was coming
anyway.

- Well we'll leave you too
alone.

- Okay.
- All right then.

- Enjoy your romantic night.
- Sweet.

- See you at the party.
- All right.

- See you later.
- Bye Joey.

- Nice to see you Luce.
- See you.

- Bye Joey.
- See you at the party.

- See you at the party.
- See you at my birthday.

- See you later, bye.
- Bye bye.

- Thank God that's all over.

♪ Don't need no superman

♪ Trying to tell me who I am

- Us two, together, you know
what I mean?

Just both of us, like we're a
couple,

because tonight, because
Jess and Lydia were together.

- Whoa, if anything, they might
think

they're a couple of
lesbians, and we're gay.

So if we wanna stay away from
that,

maybe we should just go along
with it.

- Rick, I'm not scared to
hold your hand for a night.

I'll do it.

[laughing]

- What's candle?
- Getting jealous.

- Tell you what though, I'll
definitely

gonna need another drink.
- Yeah, really do.

- You alright lads?
- Hello, how you doing?

- Yeah not bad.

So what brings you here tonight
then?

- Just our mate's birthday,
ain't it, Bobby's birthday.

- So we thought we would
give it something new,

try it all out.

- It's all right. So do
I get to buy you a drink?

- [Rick] He didn't even get your
name.

- Yeah, didn't even get my name.

- [Ricky] What is this?

- Hi, I am David

- Nice to meet you, David.

This is Rick.
- Hi Rick.

- Hello mate, nice to meet
you mate, what's going on?

- And Chris.
- Chris.

- Yeah, we were just talking
about

football and hunting and women.

- Can I buy you a drink?

- As interesting as that sounds,

I am with Rick tonight.

He's my partner in crime.

- Oh, like that is it?
- Yeah.

- Is that a knock back?

- That's a knock back, sorry
mate.

I am seeing someone at the
minute.

- What's his name?
- Oh, it's a bird.

[Ricky and Little Chris laughs]

- Oh, well it's worth
a try though, isn't it.

- Nice meeting you David.
- Have a good time.

- Cheers mate, see you later.
- See ya later, mate.

- Awkward mate, why is it always
me?

I always get hit on.
- You've got that look.

- What?
- Baby blue.

- [Chris] I shouldn't
of worn this, should I?

- With your Elvis quiff.
- I just wanted to blend in.

- Maybe.

- Maybe I blended in too much.

♪ When I'm with you

- Sitting there the other night

at Jessica's showcase
and I was looking round

and I just felt that, you
know, you should of been there.

And you know, we have both
been a part of, you know,

the Wright family for so many
years

and to look around and you
not being there, it just--

- Yeah I know.

- It just, it just really upsets
me.

I just think the whole
situation is just so sad.

- The last few months
I have just been like,

I feel like I don't know them
anymore

and I feel like really
uncomfortable and I hate it.

And it's like Carol and stuff,

she was like a mum to me and to
hear again

that she's saying things about
me and attacked me again,

it really broke my heart and
upset me,

I was in absolute bits.

I feel that they hate me and
that--

- But they don't.

- But I feel and I feel
like I'm constantly

defending myself, I'm saying
things I don't wanna say.

- Some of the stuff
that I've heard you say

about Jess recently and stuff
like,

it hasn't been nice to hear.

- I can't win, I'm in a no win
situation.

- I know that Laura but at the
same time,

I think you've definitely
give as good as what you got.

- Because I have to defend
myself.

I tell you how I feel around
you,

do you really think I
want this battle to go on?

I want to wake up and go, right,
how are you, how you been?

Good, lovely to see you.

- All I want is for you to come
with me,

to go and see Carol and Jess and
not to--

- Arg, I admit, I would
be absolutely terrified.

- And that's why I really
want to make this happen.

It's just, the whole thing
is terrible, you know.

- Well, I have got so much
to sort out in my life

- Hey!
- You all right?

- Tom, good, to see you mate
- What's going on man?

- You all right?
- You all right?

- What have you's been up to?

- Nothing we're just, you know,
having a bit of reminiscing.

- Sounds brilliant.
- You all right?

- Yeah are you?
- Yeah I'm good.

[upbeat music]

- Right so the real question is,
Charlie,

I'll ask you first and then
I'll ask both these two.

Have you ever got with a bloke?

- What as in kiss?
- Yeah.

- No never.
- So you, no.

Danni, you ever kiss a girl
mate?

No, that's not a question,
so you never kissed a girl.

- Never ever ever.

- Jess, oh my God.

There's something behind
those eyes, I can tell

that tells me different.
- Jess!

What about you, Chris?

- 100% straight mate.

- I ain't asking if you
straight.

Have you kissed a boy or not?

- No.

- What about if we try it now?

- [Jess] Charlie.

- Don't be a spoiled sport.

- I'm not being a spoiled sport.

- One free on the lips, come on.

- No.

- See he's not secure in his
sexuality.

Come on Diags, is it me, is it?

♪ I've been looking for you.

- Oh my god, look at that,

Bobby's getting my sloppy
seconds.

- [Danni] Oi, don't say that.

- What?

- I think they're really good
together.

- They are, but I'm just
saying he come to me first.

Anyway let's go and do
a bit of a slut drop

on the dance floor and see
what interests I pick up.

- See ya in a minute.
- See ya.

- See ya later.
- Bye.

- My god, look at that.

♪ I've been looking for you

It's all that body language Dan.

- Yea, I guess it is, especially
on rollercoasters, eh?

- Well you know, it's a way

of getting close to someone,
innit?

- Hold on for dear life.
- Well, you know.

♪ I'm looking for the perfect
guy ♪

[upbeat music]

- You look like you're ready to
cry, babe.

- I know, I feel--
- Is it that bad?

Are you all right, I'll cheer
you up.

Do you wanna go for a drink or
something?

- I think that obviously
after having that chat

with Arg and stuff, it's just, I
dunno,

it just brought back loads
of stuff and whatever.

- [Tom] What do you mean?

- It's been really difficult for
me.

It's like I think that you
are a great guy and stuff

and like you understand me and
you get me,

and I really respect you for
that.

And you don't just judge
me like a lot of people do.

And you've got to know you as a
person,

but at this moment in time I
feel like

I need to be single and I
need to move on by myself.

And I still want to be friends
and stuff,

but I just want you to know

that at the minute I'm moving
on.

- Yea course, that fine, babe.

- by myself.

- It's totally fine, so we're
just

gonna be friends yea?

See, I did always think that to
be fair,

the way you acted.

- I sense that, because I feel
like

you're nervous around me
because--

- I'm not nervous around you.

I feel like that you're nervous

to let anyone see that we're
together and stuff like that

and I started seeing my
ex again a little bit,

once or twice, but like nothing,

obviously nothing happened

but I went for dinner with her
and stuff.

- Yeah.

- But I did feel like you, when
we were

sort of seeing each other,
like when you always said like

you always used to play it down

and say to people that
we hadn't slept together

and things like that, and I
just,

I just thought, why's she
denying it sort of thing?

I don't see why it should be a
problem

if we'd been seeing each other.

- Ok, right ok, ok, listen,

I really really ain't
going into a conversation,

that I don't need to.

If we have, we haven't,
that's really irrelevant

in front of our friends, like
I'm not gonna stand here--

- I wouldn't tell it in
front of our friends.

- I'm not going to stand
here and embarrass you.

- I'm just saying, I just
think it's a bit weird.

- At the end of the day, no,

I think it's weird that you
stand and say that to me

in front of people and also--

- Well, I think it's weird
that you keep telling people

some that like, just lying about
us.

- I'm not lying.

- We would go out on a night out

or something like that
and you'd just be like--

- This is my life, I'm an adult.

Now if you have no respect for
that,

look, I don't need to stand,
this is not

why I want to talk to you, I
am talking to you as a friend

and understand how I feel what I
want.

- One sec, one sec, Diags, one
sec.

- No, I'm saying how I
feel and as a friend.

- I only saw my ex-girlfriend
on Thursday night.

- You've just crossed the
line and disrespected me.

- Nothing, nothing happened.

- And I won't be spoken
to like that for starters,

embarrassing me.
- I'm not embarrassing ya.

- Right, and say that you've
meet your ex-girlfriend,

ok, that's fine.

- You're embarrassing
me, you embarrassing me

when you start say I'm
lying and stuff like that.

- Well, I'm not going
into it, I'm not going,

I don't need to go into it.

- Well you've already gone into
it.

Gone into it now.

- Well, you've gone into it,

I'm not going into it, I'm
disappointed.

- I'm disappointed in you
- Okay.

- Diags, do you wanna shoot?

See ya later, Lauren, see ya
later guys.

[horn blaring]

- [Narrator] Next time on
"The Only Way Is Essex."

Will Bobby's sausage get
battered?

- Oh God, he proper put a line
in his mouth there did he?

- [Narrator] Will Gemma and
Arg have a harmonious end

to the series?

♪ Someday, somewhere

- [Narrator] And will the
nation's prisons

even get to watch it?

- What you even gonna do
in a cell for 10 years?

The bullshit channels,
don't even have ITV2.

- [Narrator] Who knows,
these people are real

and anything can happen on
"The Only Way Is Essex."

[upbeat music]

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ You and me now

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ You and me now

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ You and me now