Original subtitles

a neglected cockle, and a couple of right old barneys.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real although some of what they do

has been set up purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way is Essex."

- Been there, done that.

I run her up off in the morning.

- I just feel like it could ruin everything.

- But who does he think he is now?

I see him out, I'll have a word.

- It's just the "L" word mate, the love word.

It takes it to a whole new level.

- You would not get this upset

over a friend who you've been on holiday with,

and then come back saying you're in love with him.

- You missed him saying, "Can you look at my baby picture?"

He said, "Yeah I can," and you wrote back saying,

"Thomas, wink".

He's flirting with you and you said, "Thomas, wink."

Now I think you're a wink!

[upbeat music]

- You alright, Cara, is err Tom here?

- Yeah, one minute. - Thanks.

- [Cara] Ralph, Tom, it's for you.

- [Tom] What's happening, Jessica, you all right?

You wanna come through? - Yeah all right.

Yeah good thank you, thank you.

- You excited? - Yeah, really excited.

- How you feeling about the other night?

- Ohhh don't, it was such a load of crap, really is.

- It's horrible seeing you cry as well,

do you know what I mean?

- I just, it just all came out

that night unfortunately, sorry.

- Yeah, anyway let's go and practise, yeah?

- Yeah come on, up here?

- Up to the bedroom, don't sound right does it?

- I'm not like that, Tom.

- Guess who that was? - Who?

- Jess. - What?

- How she had the cheek to do that I don't know.

- What to speak to you?

- No, she's come round 'cus she's doing

some guitar and singing thing with my brother.

- That's proper strange.

She's got some front ain't she, she don't care.

- She's like, sitting in Tom's room

on the guitar having a sing song.

- Shut up, we might be able to hear her.

- So have you really not rehearsed, Tom?

- Literally done nothing, Jess.

- No, it's tonight!

- I know, I'm so nervous, I don't wanna cock it up as well.

- You'll be all right. - Yeah, I'm nervous though.

- I've got faith in you, that's why I asked you to do it.

- What about Arg?

Does he know I'm doing it 'cus?

- No, I haven't told Arg yet,

but not because it's an issue but

if I tell him I feel like it's gonna become an issue.

- But he might wanna join in, mightn't he?

- He'd be pushing me off the stool,

get out the way, this is my stage.

- Well yeah, shall we get going?

- Right, let's go from the first verse.

- Go on then, you go.

- Do you not play underneath when I'm singing the line?

- I dunno? - Yeah.

- do I? [guitar strumming]

- So do you reckon we'd be invited?

- No.

- She might invite everyone just

because she wants to like, be centre of attention

which she clearly loves to be.

- She's singing her heart out.

- Oh my God I can actually hear her.

She must feel like she's getting somewhere now.

- She's in my brother's bedroom.

- Yeah I suppose it ain't that you're in London

recording this song, she's upstairs with Tom

playing on his guitar.

[upbeat music]

- I keep getting these emails for?

- Show Sam your gay website.

- Someone signed me up on an Australian

gay matchmaking website. - Who signed you up?

- I don't know, I'm gonna say Arg,

because I think he's the only one with enough time

pathetic enough to do that.

- Basically on a gay website? - Yeah.

- Hi Diag, here's a list of members who match your criteria.

- Are you getting loads of requests?

- Loads. - There you go then.

- Sweet then. - But it's not.

It's not sweet, is it, when you get five emails

a day saying come be gay.

[laughing]

- If you was really really pop on that

and somebody ask to take you out,

would you just go see what it's about?

- No, no.

They're even straight anyways.

It'd be a 24 hour job.

- Why don't you sign up to the English one, then.

- I'm not gay, I don't want to sign up

to the English one.

You're gonna wear that tonight?

- Wear this tonight, I'm gonna get changed first.

I'm gonna go to Jamie really early.

- [Sam] What do you plan on saying to him?

- I want him to say sorry to my sister,

and as a gentleman, and as a man,

he'll wanna say sorry.

- [Sam] He would've kept it to himself.

Just come on the scene and lose that.

- Yeah, he's like what, 32, 31, going about doing that.

A bit of snooping, [mumbling].

- What's a snooper, snorkel?

[laughing]

- You're joking?

- Trust me mate, he's a snorkel.

- [Mario] Quite nice, a little chewed out boys day shopping.

- Yeah it's good of you to join me

while I get my essentials.

- [Ricky] I've only gonna get one thing.

- Hair gel. - That's all right, then.

- This is the secret to the Mario.

Get up, wet, blow dry it, it's jus sort of like,

big and jeopardy, and then straighten it,

blow dry it again, add some of this bad boy.

A bit of hair spray.

Once you got it, that's it, that's easy.

That's me, so weird.

- Right well can you hold that because

I got to get Marshall a treat.

All right? - Sweet yeah.

- I'll be back in five.

[soft music]

- I'm like if she had proof,

why when I went round to her house,

why didn't she give me the proof then,

rather than make up with me

and then carry on going round people.

- And then start up again.

- And start it all up again by coming round telling people.

What the fuck?

- Where's she got this from?

- Well apparently it's her cousin's best friend

that's apparently slept with him.

She's also, we were out with her last week, Dani.

We were out with the girl, so I think

that maybe she talks about him and says

"Oh I've just text Mario,"

and the friend then has exaggerated it to Sam.

- Yeah, like I've got a really close boy mate

and like people think we've slept together

when we don't sleep together but--

- Well the worst thing about it is, like, yeah,

like she's investigating it

because she's trying to prove herself right.

- But I wouldn't personally investigate

and like plough into things

'cus that's up to you whether you wanna--

- But if someone's sent her proof, send it to me.

- Yeah, but instead of beating round the bush

you gotta confront her.

What are you gonna do about it?

- Course I am, course I'm gonna confront Sam,

and if she gives me this bullshit back that

it's this girl I know I'm just gonna laugh in her face.

- Let's be fair Dani, it's not the first time

she's stabbed me in the back,

she stabbed me in the back a few times,

one being I broke up with Mark Wright

and then that night she got in a cab

and went home and shagged him.

That's not a friend.

That's not, a friend doesn't do that,

so maybe I should've just drew a line years ago.

- Sorry, there was a fly.

- I'm sick of getting all the shit for everything,

I get so much crap in my life, for what reason?

'Cus she said this, 'cus she said this and they said this,

ahh fuck off, give me proof, put proof in front of me,

apart from that just fuck off.

- Oh my god, that's the biggest spider.

[girls screaming]

- Oh for god's sake girls.

[soft music]

- We've had a couple days to ourselves

just to sort of clear things out our head

and obviously we got the showcase tonight

so hopefully it'll be cool.

You guys are coming out, aren't ya?

- Yeah I said we'll pop in to see Mick, first.

- Is that who wipes the cum off

his office table when you fucked that bird in his office?

- [Mario] Oh you didn't tell me about that!

- Well it's just sort of like a one night stand, wasn't it?

- I heard it was a three minute stand.

[laughing]

- She was actually half decent, something off my tick list.

I know Charlie can look at my tick list

and be like, "Yeah if Chris can do it, I can do it."

- Yeah, exactly.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Roll her right up in it, so she's really hot.

- This will help us basically

just look better in a bikini when we're on holiday,

like in Vegas.

- Whoo, I'm so excited, will it make

my bum grow a bit bigger?

- Or shrink it.

- I don't wanna be skinny anymore

- Yeah, but you don't wanna be fat.

- no, I don't wanna be fat,

but I'd like to be voluptuous.

- God, that's the longest word I've ever heard you say.

Ohh, voluptuous.

- I think growing up you wanna be really skinny,

don't ya,'cus you wanna be like a model,

like skinny model, and then once you hit 30

you realise what's important in life.

- bum?

- What's important is being womanly, not super skinny.

Know who'd be my ideal man if I was 21, Diags.

That boy is so funny I could sit with him for hours,

and you totally get past, not saying he's ugly,

but you get past the looks because he's that funny.

Me and him have made a pact,

if I'm not married in five years he's gonna marry me.

- I can't imagine you and Diags being married.

- Obviously I'm gonna be married in five years.

If I'm not, I'll probably kill myself.

[laughing] [upbeat music]

- Things clearly aren't back to normal.

I have had to speak to people

since because that's only normal.

I sat down and spoke with Gemma.

- Right.

- And obviously-- - Can I ask why Gemma?

- Gemma was there.

- Oh I bet she was.

What was her opinion on things?

- She said from day one

the Elton John and David Furnish thing.

She's never really thought, she's always thought

there was more to things than met the eye.

- You're telling me you've spoken to Gemma,

that don't sit well with me if I'm honest,

because you know Bobby, you know

that she had it in for me and our friendship

from day one 'cus she was jealous

and she was trying to poison something,

because she could see that

we had probably a better bond than what me and her had.

- Well, I needed to speak to someone

'cus I was going stir crazy

sitting at home getting emotional--

- You could have spoken to me.

You could have spoken to me.

- See, now I feel like you're majorly fucked off with me

and I'm doomed if I do and I'm doomed if I don't.

- Maybe you should've waited then.

[upbeat music]

- [Sam] Are you ready for me to beat you at tennis?

- [Joey] Are you ready to rumble?

- [Sam] Lucy keeps texting me about that girl

- Does she? - Yeah.

- Sam, I just think you should leave it,

just don't get involved.

- I, to be honest, I don't want anything

to do with it anymore because no matter what I say

to Lucy she's not gonna believe me,

and the girl has got a boyfriend

and she doesn't want nothing to do with it,

do you know what I mean.

I was only trying to be a friend

and was gonna tell her but now I just think

there's no point, it's just gonna cause murders

between them two, do you know what I mean, it's just--

- Yeah, whether she believes it or not,

she, like its not gonna matter--

- It doesn't matter, yeah.

- It's not gonna benefit me and you

in any way or you, so it's just pointless.

I think the whole thing is just completely pointless.

- The only thing that's gonna annoy me now

is that Lucy's gonna think that I'm just making it up.

- Yeah, but it doesn't matter

whether she thinks, just tell her.

- I don't wanna look like I' a liar.

You know what I just think whatever.

- Yeah, but it doesn't matter,

just say to her I'm not lying to ya,

not even that, just say I don't wanna get involved,

say even if you are doing you lose, just leave it.

I don't know. - Ok.

- Forget about it, huh, tennis.

- I felt for you, so bad.

- From my point of view it's Jamie's temper.

- Joey's fuming. - Joey's fuming.

I think Joey's gonna go and have a word with Jamie later.

- Oh no.

- But Joey's one of them people, we won't say.

He will not say, and I've asked him,

he was like, "Oh Frank, forget about it.

"Don't worry about it, he's a mug."

Which he is a mug, hanging out his fucking dirty laundry,

you know what I mean, he is.

It ain't just about me, it's about the other girls

and now I'm angry, I'm not upset no more, I'm angry.

- Yeah that's good.

- I don't wanna see, don't talk to him,

but Joe don't give a shit and he will say something

because it will make him feel better

and I think he kind of has to

because what else is he going to do, really?

- Yeah Joey's family, you know?

Don't want that being said.

[upbeat music]

- They went to Marbella together, something has happened.

You don't go on holiday together

and then claim your undying love for someone,

if there wasn't any signals back.

- Charlie and Bobby are so close,

and obviously Bobby's gay and--

- I'm Inspector Cluedo, I've gotta get to the bottom of it,

because I don't like seeing Bobby upset like that.

- Thank you.

- Well I mean-- - Thank you.

- We need to find Bobby a boyfriend,

we need to find him a different interest, don't we?

- Let's set him up with Arg. - Shut up.

- Oh I love these prawns.

- Love a cheeky little prawn.

- You know Coco? - Yes.

- Me and Merm have this long lasting joke

that a Coco looks like, not the little bit

inside your no-no's, I don't know what it's called,

you know what I mean?

- Yeah I know the bit you mean.

- So basically, [murmuring], we felt like

Coco looks like a little bit like

a coco in your no-no. - Yeah.

- So we were always like, [laughing].

- You should tell Arg that, educate him a bit more.

- Is he still being selfish?

- oh Bill, it's ridiculous, it's ridic.

- What, he's not doing anything to you?

- Nah, He'll go to me, "I wanna go down on you tonight."

And then the fact that he says it,

makes me, I don't know,

it just don't sit right with me Bill.

- That's really uncomfortable.

- It's comfortable, and I'll be like, you know what,

to be honest with you Arg, I find that more intimate

than us doing what we do together

and I don't know if he really deserves to lick it yet.

Being honest with ya.

- He doesn't deserve to lick your pussy.

- I don't think he's playing the game right at the minute.

[upbeat music]

- [Joey] Ah I'm really excited for today, are you?

- Me too, can't wait to get into it.

- Same, I'm boiling already, I'm sweating.

- [Sam] Yeah, why did you wear that?

- I think if you look good, I think you like play better.

I used to be like professional when I was little,

I played for like three years.

- Did ya?

- I weren't really professional but I was like, good.

Like pretty much quite good.

- Really? - Yeah.

- You could be the next, what's his name, Andy Murray.

- No, that's, he's a chef.

- Andy Murray is a tennis player.

- How do you know he's a tennis player?

- Sam, Joey. - Hi.

- hello mate, you all right?

- [Trainer] How you doing, mate, all right, bit of tennis?

Played before?

- I'm sort of half professional, not professional but,

- No, you're not. - I was.

- Right, go back to the service line

and let's see what you can do.

- [Trainer] Joey, you're first, and again.

[Joey groaning]

- The noises. - It's professional innit?

- [Sam] You're gonna put me off if you do them noises.

[Joey grunting]

- Oh, you're sick.

- [Trainer] Ok J, no more.

- You're better than I thought actually.

- To my left.

- Joey, you look like you got knickers on in them shorts.

[laughing]

- Come forwards, come forwards, run, run Joey!

- [Sam] Run!

- Run, run run, now hit it.

- Ahhh, look what's on your bum, quick, seriously.

- Oh my god. - Get it off.

- Get it off for me. - No!

- [Trainer] come round, come round, come round.

- [Joey] it's a tarantula, what is that?

[upbeat music]

- It's weird how now she's got a music thing tonight,

I'm not invited, and it's horrible

for a girl that was my best friend at one point.

- You know what I think we should do?

- [Woman] Yeah?

- Why don't we just take my sister's singing part

and just go on stage and do a duet.

- That would be fun, innit?

- Yeah It'd be quite good.

- Could you imagine their faces?

- [Tom] Because I'll sing there so.

- What?

- Why you keep playing with your phone?

- Because the girls wanna go out tonight.

- Am I invited? - No.

- Why not? - Because it's girls night.

- Do you think, you've been off-ish?

- Listen, I had a great dance party.

You was boring as hell but I wasn't gonna see you all day.

I haven't off-ish at all.

[Tom mumbling]

- Yes.

- This is moving too fast,

can't believe you brought me here.

One minute you're into something, next minute you're not.

Name one thing I've been boring.

- [Woman] Tonight, I'm just life of the party,

and you're just, out.

- Fuck it up, you're gonna knock me, aren't ya?

- You can't even leave your phone alone.

- [Woman] Why?

- You're not even talking to me.

You're sitting there playing with your phone

the whole time.

- Because the girls keep texting me.

- All right, turn this away.

Next time we go out, you're not

allowed to have your phone out.

- What are you, my dad?

- I wanna take you out some more, yeah?

- I hope.

[soft music]

- Still no Sam here, still no proof, so yeah.

- like I've said to you, if she does show up,

by all means, go and talk to her,

go get the proof 'cus I know I've got nothing to hide

so I don't care.

- Cheers. - To us.

- All right boys.

- All right mate, how you doing?

- Whatever's happened in the past

I'm pretty sure like you know,

we wanna forget about that now.

I sent you a text the other week

and I didn't mean what I said, you know like obviously

I do think you're a nice guy and a decent fella

and I'm glad Lydia's moved on to meet someone nice

and someone who can look after her, do you know what I mean?

- Nothing was ever against you mate, you know.

- Yeah, cool, it's forgotten about now you know.

Did Cara let you know about--

- Yeah, no, she sort of, she sort of said

you'd made up as well ain't ya?

- yeah no, I--

- [Tom] I dunno how you've managed that, mate.

- Neither do I she's like so,

she can be so stubborn, can't she?

- She's the most stubborn girl ever.

- The thing is she said to me oh the whole Tom and Lydia

situation with them two being together

don't make it right, but I said oh, you know,

I don't wanna get into that, forget about that now,

I'm happy with Gemma, let's drop it, you know,

I wanna move forwards so, but--

- My sister said that? - Yeah.

- Did she?

- Chris, good to see you mate.

- Nice to see you. - I'll see you soon, yeah.

- See ya tomorrow mate, nice one, cheers.

- Bloody hell. - I dunno why he'd say that.

Why that would even come up?

Like we're trying to mend something

and then he's just thrown a massive--

- Like a spanner in the works, sort of thing.

- It's a bombshell straight in the middle of it.

- Maybe that's what he's aiming for,

just like a little, do you know what I mean?

I can be nice, but I'm not gonna be too nice to you

so there's a little slap round the chops,

and then carry on with his kinda conversation,

do you know what I mean?

At the end of the day, you're with Lydia, you're happy.

He's with Gemma, you know, I'm sure McDonald's is happy.

[soft upbeat music]

- Hello, you alright, is Jamie there please?

- [Laura] Yeah, sure, come in.

Jamie, there's someone here to see you.

- Joey, how you doing mate?

- You all right?

How's things?

- Yeah alright, well basically obviously the other day

you said--

- One sec, boys will you just give me a minute?

- Yeah, the other day you was bragging about

sleeping with all these girls like,

I don't understand like why you're saying that.

Like I'm really upset by it, and my sister's upset.

- When it comes to your sister, mate, I'm not proud,

I'm not proud of it and I don't want to talk about it,

I was talking to one person.

- Yeah, I'm not here to argue.

What I'm trying to say is what you said was disrespectful.

I don't think these girls like you bragging,

like saying things like about them.

They don't want you to start going about going yeah,

I slept with her.

I don't do that, I've never done it in my life.

- Of course you do mate, course you do.

Listen, every guy, whether it's in the pub, in a bar,

whether it's in the workplace, they talk about

the latest girl, this, this, whatever.

I've been around you before when you've done it, Joe.

Alright you've got a girlfriend now so--

- [Joey] What, I go about saying how I got all those girls?

- Of course you do.

- When have I ever done that ever?

- Course you do mate, course you do.

- You got to look at it in my point of view right,

I've seen my sister cry for a whole day because of you,

so it's upset me, it's upset my family.

People have got the hump with you going,

and you're oh yeah I've done this, Ive done that.

- Yeah, but is it the truth, is it the truth?

- Don't care, I don't give a fuck if you tell me the truth,

it doesn't matter, you're disrespectful

and you shouldn't say it if you're lying or not.

- I don't think you should be swearing mate.

- You going about bragging that you've slept with birds.

- So what, so what's the way forward?

I dunno, I think you gotta apologise to my sister.

- All right, where's Laura?

- Who's Laura?

- She works for me.

Do me a favour, here's fifty quid,

send Frankie Essex some flowers for me please.

- Is that alright? - What?

- To send your sister some flowers, say I'm sorry.

- Nah, it's not all right, nah, it's not all right.

- Why's it not right?

- [Joey] You've got to go up to her and say,

not send her flowers.

You gotta just say you gotta say sorry to her face.

- that's fine, I'll do that.

Just 'cus I'm like being a nice guy

I'll go and speak to her and say I'm sorry.

- [ Joey] Yeah, but she aint gonna want flowers,

she don't care about flowers.

- We'll see, eh? - We'll see what?

- We'll see if she wants them, when I send them to her

we'll see if she wants them. - Well she don't want them.

- It's done now mate, it's done now mate, okay?

- You're 31 years old Jamie like,

you can't go about telling you've done--

- Yeah and you're 22 years old.

- Yeah I know, but I don't go about

saying I've slept with this bird, this bird, this bird.

I don't do that, I'm not a mug.

- So I'm a mug? - Little bit, yeah.

- A little bit? - To be fair you're a lunch.

- I'm a lunch? - Yeah.

- Where do you get all this vocabulary from?

Did someone-- - It don't matter--

- Did someone give you an Essex dictionary or something?

- You are, you are, you are, start doing things,

I think it's muggy. - It's muggy, yeah?

- It's proper lunchbox, I think you are.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Ok. - ta-ta.

[soft music]

[audience cheering]

- Hello everyone, I hope you're all having

a good evening tonight.

Thank you so much for coming, we are here

to celebrate the amazing Jessica Wright.

She has worked so, so hard for this moment.

Obviously Jess has been through

a bit of a hard time recently,

and she's had a few snakes in the grass out there

slagging her off and stuff, and it's just ridiculous,

she's not a cheat.

She's a good friend of mine and you know

anyone that wants to cross her, come through me in future.

So, put your hands together for Jess Wright.

[audience cheering]

- Come on Jess!

- The first person I want to introduce

is one of my guitarists which is called Tom Kilbey,

and he's amazing. [audience cheering]

Tom volunteered to help me with this song,

so thank you Tom.

This song I wrote about a year ago

and it was about being in Marbella,

dancing away and falling in love

and luckily that happened to me this year.

- I keep getting these emails, spam emails about Viagra

and all that and they send them through to you,

and give you the price list.

Do you get all that stuff in your email?

- No. - No.

Because I think there's

somebody trying to tell me something.

Maybe it's when you both are?

- Maybe it's when you signed up for that website,

man you know?

- No seriously, I'm not even joking.

I'm a bit intrigued, I'm a little bit intrigued by it,

because let me show you.

- Female Viagra? - There you go.

What could that do to women?

Female Viagra, what is that?

- It must make you like, down there go hard.

- Must ting. - Tingling.

- Tingling, with the area.

[laughing]

- Do you know who else is quite a good singer?

Gem, she's always like belting out a tune, isn't she?

- She loves a sing-song in the car,

doesn't she? - Doesn't she?

- Does Gemma ever say anything about me to you?

Does she ever like talk about me?

- No not really, I mean, no,

she just sort of, no she doesn't really say anything,

like, nothing like nasty or anything like that.

- Oh really? - No.

- Oh right. - Why?

- I'm hearing different,

like I'm just hearing from different people

that actually she's got a problem with me

and I dunno really what it is.

- Do you think it's a little bit awkward

between you two now or?

- To be honest Billie, it weren't awkward for me.

It's gonna be awkward now if she keeps trying

to dig up the past.

She's going down that road again about my sexuality

and all that and she just will not leave it alone,

and it's doing my head in.

I'm trying to find myself a girlfriend

and no wonder I can't, because I'm constantly

being speculated am I gay?

But anyway you know?

[audience cheering]

- Thank you.

Gonna have a little break now

and then I'm gonna come back in a little while

to do a few more songs.

Have a wicked time, a few drinks and let's have some fun.

[audience cheering]

- Hi, bubs. - All right?

- Y'alright, how was it?

- It was amazing, seriously, better than I thought it'd be.

Honestly I was expecting it to not be as great

and it was amazing.

- [Jess] Do you think the crowd liked it?

- The crowd loved it. - Thank god.

Love you. - Love you too.

[upbeat dramatic music]

- I don't think Tom Kilbey's actually playing the guitar.

- What do you mean?

- Like I was watching it and he was just,

he wasn't actually playing it,

his hands and they were going--

- Here he is. - Here he is

- All right mate.

- All right yeah, mate.

Just continuing the conversation we had earlier

talking about my sister, saying that

she said that me and Lydia wouldn't be together,

shouldn't be there, 'cus I've spoke to her on the phone.

- Yeah.

- And she said differently, she said she hasn't said that.

- Okay.

- And obviously blood's thicker than water mate,

and I'm always gonna believe her.

- You do that, all I'm saying is

I had a conversation with your sister,

when she said to me I don't make it right,

Tom and Lydia, but I know, we know--

- No, mate she never said that.

- She did say that. - You're making it up mate.

- Why would I make it up, Tom?

- 'Cus you chat shit. - Why would I make it up?

- Look why would you come over to me,

shake my hand, then throw a dig in mate?

- Why am I throwing a dig in? - I'm not a fucking mug,

stop trying to mug me off.

- You are a mug, how am I trying to mug you off?

- you are a mug.

- Why, because I told you what your sister said?

- 'Cus you're chatting shit about my sister.

- I'm not though. - Yes, you are.

Pipe the fuck down now.

- Why don't you get your sister to ring me?

Get your sister to ring me.

- Shut up, pipe the fuck down down

and stop talking about my fucking family.

- I'm telling you what she said,

I was talking to you, I didn't talk to anyone else.

- I don't care, you're chatting shit about my sister.

- no, I didn't. - Boys, what's going on?

- I just said what she told me!

- Yes, you are, she never said that!

- You're making her sound like a bitch, when she's not.

You bring my sister and you bring me

in the same conversation.

- I haven't got a problem with that comment,

you've got a problem with the comment.

Why would I care?

- You two go alright mate, shake hands, walk away.

You had your say, your last little dig.

- I did shake his hand.

- Yeah, but you had to say the last little dig.

At the end you said your last dig didn't you,

you didn't need to say the last bit.

- It wasn't a dig.

- Come on please, come on, ignore it.

- I don't care, end of the day

I can't be bothered to argue with every fucking person

in the world 'cus I'd end up--

- You're doing a good job of it, ain't ya?

[soft music]

- I'd be so nervous if I was her.

- I know, like this sounds bad,

I'm surprised how good her voice is.

- Yeah, she's really good isn't she?

I don't think anyone realised

until when you see someone sing live,

like then you sort of see how their true voice

and what it's like.

- Can I offer you a canapé? - I'm fine, thank you.

- Gotta have an onion ring.

- [Bobby] I'm gonna have one of these bad boys.

Thank you, hunny.

- You're welcome.

- But I kind of thought what a catchy song

- Yeah it is, isn't it?

- I'm literally walking around humming it

and signing it all night. - Can you sing?

- I actually applied for the X Factor, I auditioned for it.

This was my audition song.

- You got a good voice. - You think?

- Yeah.

- I gotta work on it, maybe I'll apply next year,

so you never know.

- And this is what's keeping me there,

because he sends me these messages.

"I love you so much Gemma, I would never cheat on you."

Then he'll go to me, "Please come and see me,

"don't cheat on me, Gemma, I love you," in big letters.

When you send me text messages like that?

- How you doing, you alright? - Yeah, what you doing?

- Just going home now. - Are you?

- Gem, I don't know what it's all about,

I don't know why you're still not being very nice about me,

but I'm not gonna have it all right?

- what you going on about?

- I know you've been saying crap about me again,

I heard that. - Really?

Speak to your boyfriend here then.

- Fuck off with that, he ain't my boyfriend.

- Don't come up to me. - Nah, nah, nah.

- Bobby has been confiding in me about Charlie,

saying insinuating something happened with them in Marbella,

then he's ganging up on me like a little bitch.

- I never said a bad word about you actually.

- And I've never said a bad word about you!

- have you not, have you not? So you--

- What you talking about Charlie?

- 'Cus you've said to Chris, you've got dirt on me,

you're saying I'm a-sexual, you're saying I'm gay.

- I ain't said that to Chris, I don't talk to him,

he's so small, I don't even talk to him.

- Chris has been texting him,

Chris has been phoning him.

- What is the truth? - They know the truth.

- Well, tell me the truth then babes.

No, no no, no, I want to know the truth.

- Charlie. - I want to know the truth.

- I have never been horrible about you ever

and the reason why I shout so loud

every time you come near me, 'cus it just infuriates me.

Do not ever come at me like that again.

The pair of ya, 'cus I've been there for you

and I've been there for you.

You come to me, in my flat crying about him,

insinuating he was touchy feely with you in Marbella.

- Insinuating, what you mean insinuating?

- What, you going back on your word now?

- When have I come to your flat

and spoke about touchy feely in Marbella?

I spoke to you the other day at Sam's barbecue--

- This is what he told me.

- Just be careful what you say to people,

Gemma, because it gets back to me.

- You be careful.

- No, no, 'cus you got dirt on me right?

you've got dirt on me, well show me the fucking dirt.

- Speak to your boyfriend.

- No, you show me the dirt all right?

- Speak to your boyfriend. - He ain't my boyfriend.

- Shall we go?

- You're pathetic, Gemma, do you know that?

- You two are a pair of Jekyll's, I'm never wrong.

Can I just say this, Essex is so two-faced.

[laughing]

- [Narrator] next time on The Only Way is Essex.

[girls screaming]

Will Sam ever get her proof?

- Still no Sam here, still no proof.

- Go talk to her, go get the proof,

because I know I got nothing to hide

so I don't care.

- [Narrator] Will Joey need new balls

after a lesson in those shorts?

- It look like you got knickers on in them shorts.

- [Narrator] And someone's not telling the truth.

- You come to me insinuating he was touchy feely with you,

in Marbella! - Insinuating?

What you mean insinuating?

- What you going back on your word, now?

- [Narrator] I can't keep up.

Who knows, these people are real,

and anything can happen on "The Only Way is Essex."

[upbeat music]