Original subtitles

- [Denise] This programme contains tonnes of tears,

bouncing boobs and a crafty wink.

The tans you see might be fake but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

[men laugh]

- I'm not pregnant.

- Oh, fucking hell, thank God for that.

- My girlfriend is sending messages that you sent me.

- Ricky sees my messages to you.

- And you haven't got any trust issues with her?

- No.

Tell me what they said.

- It's all bullshit, it's all crap.

- You question me on trust.

- I know, I know this.

- When you've done this, went outside and was sick,

I was sick.

- Been there, done that.

- It's pretty soon after me and Lydia broke up,

she had a one-night stand with him.

- I think I've fallen quite hard for you

and I do love you, Charlie.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, two ham, egg, chips, done.

- Do you want my fat, Diags?

- [Diags] Yeah, go on.

[Joey farts]

[men laughs]

Tom.

- [Tom] It's not me doing that shit.

- I didn't fart, it was you.

I'm stopping with all my farting anyway.

I'm on a diet now.

- [Joey] Yeah, true.

- You know, since the marathon, I've just gone [whistles].

[blows raspberry]

- No, you've gone [blows raspberry].

- Yeah, your whole belly's just exactly like I was before.

- All right, all right, I understand, I've got cellulite,

I feel fat, I feel like a loser.

- [Tom] Apart from being a fat loser, what else is new?

- Hold on, you tell me,

you're the one with all the dramas at the moment.

- I'm not trying, she's trying to say

I'm trying to break up their relationship,

I'm not trying to break up the relationship,

I don't give a fuck whether they're together or not.

- Basically, at the end of the day,

whether it come out or not,

yeah, Jess is being unfaithful, end of.

- This is a bit awkward, innit?

- [Diags] Why is it awkward?

- Oh, don't tell me you've got family ties

and you're so close to your family.

- Oh, don't, shut up, mate, it's all right for you,

just 'cause you're a loner.

[Diags laughs]

No but in all seriousness, look, obviously,

it is a bit awkward for me, Tom's one of my closest friends

but at the same time, you know, Jess is family to me

and he completely fucked her over.

- How have I fucked her over?

What are talking about, she messaged me.

- If you hadn't have told Joey

and you haven't told Lauren

and it hadn't gone back to Ricky,

do you reckon it would be carried on?

Do you reckon something would have happened with Jess?

- Yeah, 100%.

- [Diags] Are you gonna feel awkward at all?

- No, mate, I shouldn't, I don't.

- The only awkwardness is gonna be is Ricky and Jess

'cause I think that they're,

unless they've made up straight away, which is ridiculous.

- If you don't think there's gonna be tension

between Ricky and Tom, you've got another thing coming,

trust me.

- Here you go, girls, here you are.

- Thank you.

- Thank you,

I hope the weather stays nice for the barbecue later.

- Should do. - Me too.

Do you reckon it's gonna be awkward with me

'cause I've invited Jess and Ricky and Tom and Lauren?

- Oh, God.

- If I was you, I wouldn't even worry about it,

I'd just let them decide between themselves

if it's gonna be awkward or not.

- Yeah, if they wanna come, they'll come, won't they?

Did I tell you that me Joey put an offer in for the house?

- Excited?

- Yeah, really excited

but I said to him "there is house rules".

Wet towels must go in the airing cupboard,

you know, help me with food shopping.

- No shaving the pubes over the toilet seat.

Boys do that, don't they?

- Yeah don't wee on the toilet seat

and do you know what I hate?

- Do they?

- Yeah, really?

- Never seen Arg do it.

- Why don't they just do it in the shower, though?

We were talking about it the other day,

there's this shower gel, if you had.

- Femfresh?

- No, the mint one, it makes your noony go cold.

- You put it on your noony and boys put it on their balls

and it goes all like tinkly.

- But it makes your noony feel really clear

and it goes really cold, it's really weird but it's nice.

- Must get some.

[upbeat music]

- There's nothing I can sort of put my finger on

that's kind of given him that idea

to think that I could even be interested

or that way inclined, do you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- It doesn't what sex you are--

- Imagine like I was to pitch round to Mario and be like

"Mas, I fancy you after all this time".

- It's just the L word, mate, the "love" word,

it takes it to a whole new level.

- I can't believe he said it, to be honest with you.

- No, I can't.

Well, you can fancy someone, can't you?

Or you can have a little soft spot for someone?

- Love's like, it's just something, after a couple of dates

or something like that, you've maybe, or a month,

or something like that.

I'd personally, I'd maybe just send him a text or something,

just something simple just--

- But I have, I have, I've sent him a message,

like making sure "are you all right?"

He's come back with "yeah, I'm all right"

and it's literally been that

and it's just been very short, one-worded messages.

- Do you think that's because he's in a mood?

I'm meant to be seeing him later.

Maybe might, I'll speak to Bobby and just say

"look, you know, Charlie does want you around as a mate,

"don't just pie it off

"because he doesn't feel the same way that you feel,

"you have to remember that he is a straight bloke".

- I just don't want him talking to Gemma, I really don't

because she's been saying,

she's said all these like innuendoes all along, hasn't she,

like with David Furnish, Elton John,

me and him should get together

and I feel like she'll almost be

like the cat that's got the cream and kind of like

"told you so, told you so"

and I think that he don't need that.

- So, even if Bobby had boobs and a vagina,

you're telling me you wouldn't go there?

- What's the point of even saying that?

You're a dick, absolute dick at times.

- He obviously hasn't got no respect for Lauren,

number one 'cause he wouldn't have done that,

he can't care about Lauren,

even though he's been with Lauren

and he's been going out with her and whatever.

Has he used Lauren and he thinks he's gonna come

and try and play around here.

- He knows I was never, ever gonna be with him like that,

it's like, have some dignity,

like you didn't need to do that to Ricky

and don't claim that you're the innocent one

and you're doing it 'cause Ricky should know,

when you blatantly were trying it on with me

and you happily would.

I don't care about Tom like that, he knows I don't,

it's a joke and Ricky knows that deep down,

he even said to me, he was like "I just wish that you hadn't

"'cause I thought that Tom fancied you" and fair enough,

like clearly, I shouldn't have even been friends with Tom.

But Lauren, on the other hand,

like the amount of times that girl just lets me down

and I love Ricky and I don't like Tom like that.

- And then how about her saying that you're a cheat?

How dare she say that?

- I've said I've cheated, yeah, like when I was 17,

I might have kissed a boy behind another boy's back.

Don't have one-night stands, I don't sleep around,

Lauren knows that about me, it's just ridiculous.

- It's mad.

- But anyway, me and Ricky are gonna go out for dinner,

I think with Lucy and Mario

'cause we've smoothed everything over now

after what happened

and we're just gonna go out and have a nice night.

[upbeat music]

- Cheers.

- [Cara] I'm glad you're back.

- Bitch is back.

[both laugh]

So, you miss me then?

- Of course I've missed you, I missed my partner in crime.

- [Billi] Have you?

- Yeah, course I have.

- So, what has been going down in Essex

since I've been gone?

- What hasn't been going down?

First things first,

we've got Jess has been texting Tom Pearce.

- What do you mean, like sexting him?

- Well, yeah, pretty much.

- Shut the fuck up.

- Yep.

- Why would she do it?

- 'Cause she's a bitch.

- Why, why would she bother to text Tom Pearce?

- When she's with Ricky anyway, we're happy families.

- I think she loves Ricky, "oh, we're so happy,

"please don't cheat on me, we've got a puppy together".

[Cara laughs]

- Yeah, what else has happened, Jamie Reed?

Yeah, he's about again.

- He don't miss a thing, him, does he?

- No, not at all, anyways, Lydia sends like a group text

round to all us girls,

asking if any of us has slept with him.

- What, that's a bit strange.

- Well, it is a little bit strange but so.

- Why would she do that, then?

- Well, apparently, he said he's slept with half of Essex.

Frankie, Billi, I mean.

- [Billi] Was he trying to say that, has he been with you?

- No, he ain't said anything to me.

- He ain't since he's been with me, has he?

- [Cara] No [laughs].

- He better not.

- This is what I mean, I'm saying,

if he's pretending he's slept with me or you,

then he's got trouble.

- Yeah, it's all going on, innit?

- I couldn't give a shit.

- I need to phone my dad about the table tonight

so I need to know if you'll come to his restaurant or not.

- Right, okay, yeah, well, no, obviously,

I definitely wanna come, obviously, there's,

Sam's got some barbecue or whatever

but you know, I'm not gonna wanna go,

Tom's gonna be there so Jess probably won't wanna go, so.

I'm 100%, I'm gonna back it, so yeah, count me in.

- How are you and Jess now?

- Yeah, we're all right, obviously, it's annoying,

'cause people just make up a load of shit

to stir things around but I've seen all the messages

and the texts that were sent.

- [Lucy] You've seen it all?

- Yeah, I've seen the whole history and I haven't

and there's not one message that I'm really worried about.

- Right, I've gotta pop out anyway

but I'll leave yous to it.

- All right.

- All right, see you in a bit.

- I love you.

- [Lucy] See you later, Rick.

- See you later.

- You all right, there?

- Just annoying,

we've got stupid little boys starting rumours

and chatting shit about people to break things up.

'Cause, do you know what it is, I know that he fancies Jess,

I've known it for ages.

- Oh, come on, Jess, Lauren Goodger.

- There you go, simple as, just, he's ridiculous,

he's just doing it for drama

because he's got nothing better in his life.

- Yeah, the thing is,

you don't want Tom running round like the whole of Essex,

telling Joey, telling everyone else,

that him and Jess were texting.

I still think you need to pull him up on it.

'Cause the only thing I don't like is the fact that

I think she's a little bit out of order.

But the thing is, as well, mate, like, I'm not being like,

I know that you and Jess are sweet now,

you and Jess are sweet now?

- Well, no, yeah, obviously,

it's not gonna go [clicks] sweet.

- Yeah, trust me, I know it's not.

- But like, I'm obviously pissed off that she even text him.

- That's the thing, like you've gotta establish as well,

where did the texts all start coming from?

- Yeah, no, I've seen it, it's him!

- It's him?

- It's him, we talked it out, she admitted she was wrong

and that was the first step for us to move on.

- Yep, you know, if you ever wanna talk

or anything like that or you need somewhere to stay,

you know I've always got your back.

[upbeat music]

- All right, Bobby, how you doing, mate?

- Hello, Chris.

- You good?

- Did you go gym?

- Yeah, yeah, we've just been finished up in the gym now so.

- How was it?

- Hard, just shows how unfit I am, do you know what I mean?

- Did Charlie go?

- Yeah, yeah, it was me and Charlie this morning

so, you know, he's got no problems with gay people at all

and you and me both know that

but like when you've laid that on him

and he's just a bit like "wow,

"I didn't ever think Bobby would see me like that".

- I don't want it to be this whole

"everyone feels awkward talking to Bobby"

'cause everyone's shitting theirselves

that I'm gonna try it on with you

or I'm gonna fall in love with everyone

because that's not the case but,

so I don't want it to be like that.

- Like, I felt really torn earlier,

when he was talking to me about it

because on the one side, I was trying to reassure him

and now I feel like I have to do something for you

'cause I have exactly the same relationship with you.

You have to build that bridge back with Charlie

because I know, in his heart,

he'll be devastated if he lost you as a mate.

[upbeat music]

- Just like the local whore, innit?

It's like, whenever a girl breaks up, they,

everyone just goes "oh, who shall we sleep with, Jamie".

- I feel sorry for him, I don't think he's a bad guy but.

- He can't get a girlfriend.

He's going round bragging about who he's been with.

- It's really weird 'cause it's like,

I've known Jamie for a long time,

I think he's an all right guy

but it's not very nice and respectful.

- Like it must be hard for Tom,

I've gotta kind of put myself in his position.

We're like in a club, there's that Arg,

who's my ex-boyfriend

and then there's the guy that was like my rebound there.

- Like honestly, I wouldn't worry about it, you're an adult,

you know, do you know what I mean, like it's not,

it ain't a crime, for God's sake like.

- Like Frankie's fuming about it.

- Yeah, I think, obviously, it's not nice,

I don't know if Joey would be too happy, that's his sister,

d'you know what I mean, so, awkward.

- [Diags] You do one under yours, I'll do one under mine.

Squeeze it, you're not even doing it.

- Go on, then.

- [Chloe] What are you doing?

- Crying my eyes out.

[both laugh]

- What are you doing?

- [Joey] Trying to make each other cry.

[Diags laughs]

- Oh my God, I feel like I've just walked into a nuthouse,

I'm having the worst day ever.

I just put unleaded, 60 pounds worth of it,

in my diesel car.

- Why?

- I don't know, I didn't mean to.

- [Diags] What, you put 60 pound of diesel?

- I don't, I was stressed out and I was rushing

'cause I was running late to get here

and I picked up the wrong pump,

even though it says "diesel" on the cap,

I've still took it off and put unleaded in it.

- Wait, wait, wait so your car's diesel or petrol?

- [Diags] Diesel. - My car's diesel.

- And you put petrol in it?

- Yeah, by mistake.

You wanna laugh, fucking prick, it's not funny!

- Oi, don't laugh, why d'you make petrol

when there's diesel cars?

- It's so stupid, why don't you just have one for everyone?

- Why don't you just one car?

- But most people--

- Why don't you make English notes for everyone?

Why is Spain different, why is China?

- What, you what?

- Chloe, this makes you cry, if you wanna do it?

- [Diags] D'you wanna cry?

- D'you wanna cry for us?

- I already feel like really crying, I don't the onion.

[pensive music]

- Arg!

Hi there, mate.

Where you off to?

- Just gonna go Sam's barbecue.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, you all right?

- Yeah, I'm good, yeah.

I'm just gonna pop to the Sugarhut quickly,

that's what I'm just doing now.

- Cool, it was a bit, obviously, it was a bit, you know,

probably on my behalf, I was a bit immature the other night.

- I just thought it was a bit ridiculous because I mean,

we've known each other for ages

and I've been trying to catch up with you,

there's been a few texts and a few things

that I've just been wanting to sort out with you,

it's just getting to that point now where,

I know we're gonna be in similar places all the time, so.

- I know that.

- I just wanna clear the air

and I just wanna kind of like get kind of.

- Well, I appreciate you doing that, the thing is, Jamie,

when I did find out that you slept with Lydia,

it did hurt me and I was a bit bitter at the time.

- Yeah.

- The way I see things, Jamie, if we was to move forward,

the only thing I'd ask from you now is

I just would love it now if you could just be honest with me

and tell me what happened with Lydia.

- Do you really wanna know?

- Yeah.

- Saturday night, I think it was,

one of the girls called an after-party,

on the way via a kebab shop,

I'm sure you see all that anyway, yeah?

Ended up at an after-party, more drinking, more drinking,

more drinking so everyone was literally out of their faces,

me and Lydia gone and come back to mine.

- Okay and it happened, yeah?

- But you've gotta imagine that Lydia was also saying to me

"don't talk to him, don't talk to him,

"don't say nothing to him"

and I didn't know what to say at the time.

- Fair enough.

- I put myself in a situation

that I shouldn't have put myself in,

purely 'cause of a drunk night out.

- Yeah, it was just a one-night stand,

you weren't seeing her?

- I don't where this kind of seeing her has come from.

- So you was never seeing her?

- No.

- You know, when I found out about it, Lydia denied it to me

and then I thought.

- See, I never knew that, I never knew that.

- I thought that because you knew that, obviously,

I thought, I knew that you knew what you did was wrong

but I thought you might have owed me something

for how long I've known you for.

- After I slept with somebody, do you hear what I'm saying?

Really, like, I didn't know how the situation was going.

I see it two ways, we can either kind of like

move on from this, we'll just shake hands

and say "all right, okay" or it's gonna be really awkward.

- Yeah, at the end of the day, you know.

- So how d'you wanna do it?

- At the end of the day, Jamie, I don't, you know,

I'm glad you've finally told me the truth.

- Yeah.

- The only other thing is, Jamie,

I've gotta pull you up on it

'cause well, you know Joey is obviously

a very close friend of mine, he's one of my best friends.

You know, a few people said

that you've been a bit disrespectful,

the way you've spoken about his sister,

telling people, you know, talking about the fact that you--

- That's just a bit of boys banter,

I was speaking to Darrell about things,

we were just having a bit of a chat about things.

- I'm, Joey's my best friend so I'm gonna say something,

if you had to ask me about it--

- [crosstalk] All right, all right, I don't really want,

that's something to do with me and Joey, all right?

That's nothing to do with you, all right?

Next time I do one of my nights somewhere,

you come and have a drink with me?

- Yeah, if I'm welcome, then yeah.

- All right, cool, nice seeing you, mate.

- Cheers, Jamie.

- Have a nice barbecue.

Yeah, he was trying to give it a little bit

but "oh yeah, but you said something about Frankie as well"

I said, "well, that's nothing to do with you, mate, is it?

That's to do with Joey."

[upbeat music]

[women shriek]

- Boobs are hurting.

- Oh my God, don't tell me you've got boob envy right now?

- Chris, what are you doing?

- I'm just admiring the view at the minute.

- Chris, you tits pervert.

- Can't help it, drawn to 'em.

[women shriek]

- [Tom] You're quite fussy, ain't you?

Considering like you're quite big-boned?

- You'd think I wouldn't be.

- [Tom] Anything that's greasy or bad for you, you love.

You do wash your face with grease in the morning.

- Why would you, I don't understand

why you rub grease into your skin.

- I don't rub grease into my face,

I'm completely chatting shit.

I clearly don't rub grease into my face,

I just have very bad skin, all right, get over it.

- [Tom] It's not even that bad anymore, man.

- You're skinny as fuck, your eyebrows are ridiculous,

right, we've all got things wrong with us.

- All right.

- Argie!

[all exclaim]

Yes, oh, what's happening, oh, you're well sick, man.

- You all right, boys?

Listen, I've actually brought a contribution, for once.

- Oh, he's not tight, yes.

- Well, it might have been the cheapest bottle of rose

I could find but I tell you what, obviously,

of all the people to bump into, I bumped into Jamie Reed.

- What's he gotta say, the little melt?

- I pulled him up and I said

"Jamie, I've heard what you've been saying about Frankie

"and you know, Joey is one of my best friends and you know,

"I know how protective he is of his sister

"and I just don't think it's right you sort of, you know,

"speaking about, you know, her in that way".

- One, he's a grass, one, he's a liar, one, he's a slag,

he's face is in a shape of a square.

[Arg laughs]

Have you seen his face, it's in a shape of a square

so one, he's a square-face,

one, I wanna name him after Spongebob Squarepants

and now he's going about saying things about my sister,

is he fucking serious?

All right, he looks at you and he goes

"what are you saying about me?

"What are you actually saying about me?

[all laugh]

"I've shagged every girl in Essex."

[women shriek]

[upbeat music]

- Oh, I'm exhausted.

- I feel like I'm gonna wet myself when I bounce on this.

- Oh my God.

- You can have surgery, I think they sow it up

and tighten it up.

- It's not to do with my noon, my actual noon's tiny,

it's about that big, it's the inside that holds in the wee,

you nutcase, I haven't got a big noon.

- Big saggy noon [laughs].

[knuckles rap]

- All right, Sam, how are you doing?

- Oh, hiya, how are you?

- Not bad, you?

- Good, d'you wanna come in?

- No, I'm not gonna intrude,

I know you've got your barbecue and that

but is it all right if I talk to Tom Pearce?

- Tom, yeah, are you sure you don't wanna come in?

- No, seriously, it's fine.

- [Sam] Tom!

- Hey, you all right?

- Yeah, mate, you all right?

- Not too bad, you?

- What's happening, what's going on?

- Literally, you know this whole thing with you and Jess?

- Mm hm.

- I don't wanna get involved but obviously,

Ricky's my pal.

- Yeah, of course.

- So, he's saying to me, I saw him earlier,

he said he's seen the texts.

- Joey mentioned that she had been having a go at Ricky,

saying she didn't trust him and I was like

"well, that's a bit weird, come on

"'cause she's been sending me

"like flirty messages the whole time."

- Yeah, can I see the texts, is that all right?

- Yeah, of course, mate.

- Just so I'm actually in the loop with it all,

d'you know what I mean?

- No, of course, man, no worries.

What, so, has Jess said that Ricky's?

- She said that he, well, he said to me, I've seen him,

today and he said to me that he's seen the texts.

- This was the morning of Joey's party

after she's seen us kissing.

- Yeah.

- She said "how can you cheat on me, Tom?"

- Yeah.

- And stuff like that so,

would you want your girlfriend saying that?

You'd just say, you'd be like, stuff like that, obviously,

yeah, I'm not saying she asked me out on a date

or anything like that, all I'm saying was

I wouldn't want my girlfriend

sending them sort of messages, end of.

It did start off just friendly chat,

which is why I never said anything

and then as soon as I got with Lauren,

this is when it got a bit flirty.

[crosstalk]

There's a few other little things as well like,

but I haven't obviously sit there and saved it all.

- Has anything else actually happened other than texts?

- Once, she was asking me to,

if I could open up her display picture on BBM

and if it was working and I clicked on it

and it was her laying there in her underwear.

So, just things like that

and I just thought it was a bit weird, I'll show you.

- It is weird.

- I ain't lying, I'll show you, all right,

"click on my" [mumbles] "don't think it's working"

and I've clicked on it and then like "Thomas"

with a little wink, stuff like that, it is flirty, mate,

at the end of the day and I think it's a bit weird.

- Why have you turned up?

- Just talking to Tom.

- What about?

- About the Ricky and Jess thing.

- Why have you turned up at my girlfriend's barbecue,

why did you turn up?

- All right, well, I haven't come to talk to you,

I've come to talk to Tom, that's it.

- Yeah but why are you turning up on my girlfriend's door,

you're not invited, mate.

- All right, well, I'm not coming in, am I?

I've stayed outside.

- You're not coming in, you know you're not gonna come in,

why turn up?

- All right, well, you turned up at my engagement party,

didn't you, so.

- But I didn't wanna turn up.

- Exactly, well, that's why I'm up here,

I'm doing Ricky a favour, ain't I?

- See you later, Slush Puppy.

- What am I, some sort of refreshing drink?

Fucking protein shake.

[upbeat music]

[Italian music]

- Yous two look Italian, though.

Your nose is the same, your eyes are the same.

- [Lydia] And similar lips.

- Yous two look alike, I think these two look alike

and everyone says that me and Mario

look like incest, don't they?

- No, they say that couples that look alike

stand the test of time.

- [Lucy] Really?

- So, if you look like each other, yeah,

if you don't look like each other and you're in a couple,

you're not gonna last, so yous will last.

- No, yous do look alike.

- [Lydia] Thank you, Mario.

- [Lucy] What's "cheers" in Italian?

[speaks foreign language]

- There you go.

[all chatter]

- All right, whoever can bounce the highest?

- Me!

- Come on, Billi!

[women scream]

- Why has Mario come here

and obviously he's friends with Jess.

- Is Tom texting Lucy now?

- Oh yeah.

[both laugh]

- You never know.

- Oh no but obviously, it's gonna be tension

with the whole Jess situation.

- What's that got to do with Mario?

- Now he feels like he's got like one-up on Jess

'cause Jess said about Lucy and, do you know like?

- Oh okay, so he's come here to get ammo

to chuck at Jess at dinner.

- Yeah, yeah, I just think he's like being a hypocrite,

he's gonna go to the party

and now take all the blame off of him

and just put it all on Jess.

I know for a fact that Mario has cheated on Lucy.

- So, you 100% know that he's cheated?

- Yeah, if she wants proof, there is proof, I can get proof

but she's not, she don't want to know.

- Shut up, how do you know, though, what do you know?

- Just, like, you know, my cousin has a best friend

that has slept with Mario, I just feel like,

I wanna ring Jess and say, give her a heads-up

that Mario's been round here but, d'you know something,

I can't be bothered to get involved anymore.

- Yeah 'cause you're gonna look like the shit-stirrer.

- Yeah, exactly.

[Italian music]

- Mas, it's really nice that your dad's let us come round,

have a nice meal at his restaurant.

- [Mario] That's all right, mate.

- Yeah, really, the food is amazing, honestly,

like unbelievable.

- It's so nice here.

- I knew that you needed cheering up.

- While we're here, I just wanted to do a quick thing

for Ricky 'cause obviously, he's got his new flat

and it's not been the best few weeks.

So, first of all, those.

- Aww, that's so cute!

- [Lucy] Presents.

- [Ricky] It's like my birthday.

Oh, look at this.

"Wishing you lots of happiness and success

"in your new beautiful home, love you more everyday,

"with love, Jessica, don't wake me up".

- Aw!

- [Tom] Little kiss, little kiss, little kiss.

[Tom and Lydia clap]

- So cute, kiss, kiss, kiss.

- Aw, that is so nice.

- Oh, don't, I get all, oh.

- Aw!

- That is so cute.

- [Jess] I like that picture

'cause it's like us being happy.

- [Ricky] Yeah, it is a nice picture.

- [Lucy] Can I see it, Rick?

- Yeah, of course you can.

- Aw, when was it taken?

- Marbaya, innit?

- [Jess] Yeah, in Marbaya.

- Another one that she sent Tom Pearce to open.

- What?

- Nothing, cute.

- Thanks, Jess.

- Oh, it is beautiful.

- As if I wouldn't put it up, don't be stupid.

- [Lydia] That is so lovely, give her a cuddle,

for all that effort.

- [Ricky] Thank you, babe.

- Okay.

- I will put it up though, don't worry, it's not gonna go,

I'm not gonna put it in the cupboard,

it's lovely, thank you.

- Let's do a cheers to Ricky's new home.

- [Ricky] Oh, guys.

- We'll hold it for you.

Cheers to Ricky.

- [Tom] Cheers.

- [Ricky] Thanks guys, appreciate it.

[upbeat music]

- That Jamie, I can't get over it, what a goat.

- I know, it's like he's just swanned in here

and then just started saying "oh yeah,

"I've slept with this one, slept with that one".

- Well, what's he trying to prove,

he's got like zero personality, he don't even talk.

- Just embarrassing, even more,

he's disrespecting our boyfriends

because he knows that we're now with other people,

everyone makes mistakes and everyone's got a past.

- Yeah, definitely, like I just think, like with me,

especially, I've just met someone, like he's so lovely,

he does everything, he actually looks after me

and I just feel like he could ruin everything.

I just can't stop thinking about it and I just don't know.

- Don't get upset,

don't, you ain't done anything wrong, chick.

- I don't know, I just feel I'm not strong enough

to deal with all this shit.

- But you've gotta remember you ain't done anything.

[Frankie sighs]

Frankie, it will be all right.

- All right, girls?

- [Billi] Hi, Joe.

- You all right, Frank, what's the matter, what's wrong?

- It's about all this Jamie Reed shit.

How dare he walk about and say things like that?

- Well, who does he think is,

like if he's some sort of gentleman,

what is he, like 30 plus, he's about 32,

he's going around talking about girls

apparently he's slept with, like is he stupid?

- Obviously.

- [Frankie] He ain't no gentleman, is he, no way.

- When I see him out, I'm gonna have a word with him,

he's a fucking idiot, Frank.

- When I see him, I'll kick him straight up the ass.

[women laugh]

I might kick him up the front

and then he won't sleep with no one.

[all laugh]

- Hey, what d'you reckon's going on at the barbecue?

- I don't know.

- Do you think any dramas?

- Probably eating food and drinking.

- To be fair, it looked all right

when I popped there earlier.

- You went earlier?

- Yep.

- Why, how come you went?

- I popped there to see Tom, to be honest with you.

Obviously, you come and saw me earlier and obviously,

when yous two were arguing the other night,

he walked past me

and his face said something completely different

to what the argument was.

- His face?

- Yeah, you can tell by someone's face.

So, I went and saw him and he just said like

it was you that instigated it.

[Jess sighs]

And he showed the texts and to be fair,

they're not that bad at all.

But there was one thing, Jess, that he said,

that I'm not sure if Ricky knows about

'cause obviously, when I saw you earlier.

- [Jess] Go on, go on.

- And it was, you messaged him saying

"can you look at my BBM picture,

"I'm not sure if it's working", he wrote back saying--

- Was my BBM picture not working for a while

and was yours not either?

- Well, you knew it weren't working so why would you ask?

- No, no, no, for you it wasn't,

I didn't know if anyone else could see it.

- [Ricky] So why would you ask Tom?

- Yeah but why is it a big deal anyway,

it's the BBM picture I don't get.

- He said when he opened it,

it was a picture of you in your underwear,

he wrote back saying "yeah, working".

- My BBM picture, my dad is on my BBM.

- Did you ask him "is it working"

or did you ask him to open it up?

- What?

- And did he, what else was in the message?

- [Mario] And then you say, he wrote back saying.

- [crosstalk] Whatever I say, I'm going to be getting it,

whatever I say.

- [crosstalk] "Yeah, hot".

- [Ricky] [crosstalk] Mate, what else was in this message?

- "Yeah, hot" and you wrote back saying "Thomas, wink".

- Yeah, as in like.

- That's not flirty, no?

- What d'you want me to write back then, "talk to the hand"?

- "Thomas, wink", it's like a little pet name, "Thomas".

- Right, d'you know what,

I've got every single conversation on my phone,

I'm happy to sit here and show you or out there.

- Yeah but, it doesn't matter, you've shown me them

but you don't think they're wrong.

Listen, right--

- [Jess] If you're gonna sit here and be rude to me,

then I don't even wanna hear.

- Listen, how many times did you have to ask someone

if your picture don't work?

- I asked him once!

- You knew it didn't work, I told you it didn't work!

- Yes but I didn't know if anyone else could see it,

I couldn't see yours!

- [Ricky] Oh, it's just me so oh, I'll ask Tom.

- [Jess] I asked my mum "Mum, is my BBM picture working?"

- All these other messages are--

- I asked you, I asked everyone.

- I was asking, I was just texting--

- 'Cause I'm innocent, messaging Tom, he's a friend!

"Does my BB picture?" I've got the whole conversation,

I'm innocent, I can show you the whole conversation.

- You're not friends, Tom said you're not friends.

- Whether I'm meeting him now or 20 years ago,

I'm still friends with the kid 'cause I'm with you!

- Listen, he's been saying, so have you not been,

why are you shouting?

- 'Cause I'm sick of this!

I'm with you and I love you!

- So, this is really mature, innit, yeah.

- All I did was message a boy as a friend

and he's made out that it's more than that and it's not!

- Listen, babe, I understand, you're turning on the tears,

yeah, I'd love to give you

a load of sympathy right now, right?

- It's not more than that, I'm not turning on the tears!

- But them messages aren't friendly messages,

they're not friendly messages!

- They are normal boy-to-girl banter

and that's the sort of relationship

I thought I had with him!

- No, they're not, no, they're not,

no, they're not, no, they're not, no, they're not.

- Is there anything worse than that, is there

"what you doing tonight, where you going tonight?"

- It doesn't matter, I'm glad, listen,

if he didn't have brought it up,

he might have got worse, how do I know that?

- I can't do anything more than tell you this, what.

- What d'you want me to say?

I'm sorry, I get girls and I really am,

I'm emotional like a girl and I really feel sorry for her

because she's crying and that, right?

But it don't matter, just because you're crying,

don't make it all right.

I just think, I sat down, right, and I'd spoke to her

and we had a conversation about the texts

and she said she'd told me all the texts, right?

She didn't mention them.

So I'd let it go and it was all sweet

and now it's come back up again with all,

there's another message.

It's not like I wanna break up with her.

- I know you don't.

- But I just feel, I don't know what to feel,

like this is the emotion I'm feeling.

- She's clearly upset and clearly loves you

so if you wanna go after her and see how she is, it's fine.

- [Mario] Go after her.

- [Lucy] Go.

- [Ricky] You all right with that?

- Seriously, I'm sick of the sight of you, just go.

- Fine.

- Go on.

- Have a good rest of your night.

- Call you tomorrow, mate.

- Bye, mate.

[percussive music]

- Cooking all night or just eating 'em all?

[both laugh]

- See, my gaydar's never really been wrong

and I remember the first few encounters I had with him,

I thought, oh, is there something a little bit, not gay

but maybe was he on the bi-bus, I wasn't sure.

And then he made a couple of comments and I thought

well, maybe he could swing either way

because he's very spiritual and he started saying the whole

"it's the person, I don't care about race,

"I don't care about gender,

"it's all about the soul", I think--

- Yeah, I mean, that's weird in itself

'cause no fella would say that.

And in, with all my experience,

no man has ever turned round and said "I fall for a soul".

You know, what is Charlie, how has he got to 27,

never been to like a strip club,

just never really experienced life?

He's either asexual or he's gay and I know, I know you,

the past couple of weeks, you are hiding something,

you would not get this upset over a friend

who you've been on holiday with and then come back

saying you're in love with him.

- The thing is, it's kind of in my head

and now, well, just in everything, my heart, my head,

he's more than just a friend to me.

I kind of, just kind of, I guess,

all these seeds started growing

and now I've got like Epping Forest in my head.

- So, what you gonna do about it?

- I'm gonna have to contact Charlie because I think

this is gonna continue, this could go on for 3 weeks,

3 months, 3 years but the day we're back in a room together,

it's still gonna be as awkward as ass.

- Listen, don't beat yourself up about it.

You know, things happen in life.

You'll look back in a couple of weeks and think

"what was all that about?"

- [Bobby] D'you reckon?

- Or you'll marry him.

[both laugh]

- I don't know what you want me to say, I don't,

I wasn't messaging Tom like that and I swear on my life.

- So what's, why are they so flirty, what is "Thomas, wink"?

[Jess stammers]

I can't just, please don't put on these tears

because you know I can't.

- I'm not putting on tears.

- I'm emotional, right?

- What, you think I don't care about you?

- I can't be angry.

- You think I don't love you, d'you want to--

- Yes but I, yeah but you're not doing it,

I done that to you, you think I didn't love you,

I didn't care about you, you made me sit there

and you didn't even say "it's okay, Rick",

you walked out of the table and left!

- 'Cause I thought you were guilty!

- But now, I think you're guilty!

So, what d'you want me to do, just listen to you,

he's just said you look hot in your picture,

that you asked him to--

- So, what d'you want me to send back,

what d'you want me to send back?

- Like a normal friend "oh, thanks Tom,

"I appreciate it, thank you", not--

- Because he's flirting

and I don't like the fact that he's--

- He's flirting with you and you said "Thomas, wink"!

You have fully winked, that is saying "oh Thomas, wink".

- You're a flirtatious young boy and you would put the same!

- Yeah, since I've been with you, I haven't!

If Lauren ever went to me "oh Rick, you look hot",

I wouldn't go "Lauren, wink", I'd go "thank you".

- Because you don't talk to Lauren,

you don't talk to Lauren.

- You don't fucking, yeah, well, you certainly talk to Tom.

- Don't making me out to be bad

because if you really feel like that, then you'd walk away.

- I don't, they're flirty and they are flirty

and you have flirted with him and he's flirted back

and whether there's nothing in it or not

and you don't like him, I know you don't, I know you don't

but it's the fact that you have done it

and it's made me feel fucking worthless.

Like why would I?

- Please.

[sobs] Thought he was my friend, I thought I trusted him.

- Don't trust people that ain't right.

Love you.

- [Voiceover] Next time on "The Only Way Is Essex".

[Joey farts]

[men laugh]

Will Joey and Mario continue to use

eighties soft drinks as insults?

- See you later, Slush Puppy.

- Fucking protein shake.

- [Voiceover] Will Jess and Carol win a gold medal

for slow walking?

- It's a joke.

- [Voiceover] And will Bobby go for the full op?

- So, even if Bobby had boobs and a vagina,

you're telling me you wouldn't go there?

- You're a dick.

- [Voiceover] Who knows?

These people are real and anything can happen

on "The Only Way Is Essex".

[upbeat music]