Original subtitles

- [Narrator] This programme contains a new boy,

a genital swabbing and a large badonkadonk.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real,

although some of what they do

has been set up purely for your entertainment.

[Gemma gasps]

Previously on "The Only Way is Essex".

- If you was texting another boy, I wouldn't stick around.

- I've known her for a long time and she's clearly a cheat.

- You fucking crack on,

you go and be a boy for the night

and I'll fucking see you around.

- The sort of girls you've been banging,

you need to go and get tested.

- I've got your hair. - This is disgusting, man.

- You all right, all right?

- Admittedly, it's not everyone's taste.

- I've fallen in love with Charlie.

[upbeat music]

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[gentle music]

- Gem, are you all right in there?

- [Gemma] Yeah, a bit nervous.

- Has it started coming out yet, or?

- [Gemma] No, it takes a minute.

- What for you to wee?

- [Gemma] [laughs] No, for the test to work.

- What we gonna do if it's positive?

- [Gemma] What do you wanna do?

- My god, I'm nervous, are you?

- I'm scared, yeah.

Shall I look at it, I feel sick.

- What does that mean?

- I'm not pregnant.

- Fucking hell.

Thank god for that! [laughs]

- [Gemma] Are you all right?

- Woohoo! [laughs]

Oh god.

[upbeat music]

- I' ain't got a boyfriend, have I?

It's not serious.

- You got a boyf. - He's half.

- Yeah, so he's called a boyf.

- I dunno, I'm having fun, I'm enjoying it,

but I wanna be able to flirt, and have fun and get drunk.

- What's the whole thing with the Jess and the Tom thing?

- Well, the other day we've gone for a drink

and Tom's gone, "Yeah, she's not as innocent

as she makes out," and I've gone, "What do you mean?"

Well, look at my phone and showed him the text messages

saying oh, you and LG K-I-S-S-I-N-G,

Can't believe you cheated on me.

- What? - Yeah!

- Oh, stop it.

- Is she having a laugh? - I know.

- Did you read the messages or did he tell you?

- He showed me his phone.

- I think personally she's doing it to get at you,

she don't like Tom.

- She might, she might like Tom,

apparently she don't wanna be with Ricky no more.

- Why?

- God knows. - Oh my god.

- Do you reckon Ricky knows any of this though?

- No, I doubt it.

- No? - No.

- I feel sorry for that kid, you know.

He actually loves her, you can see it in his eyes,

he's like a little puppy dog around her.

- I wonder if she knows that you know.

- Never. - No.

- She probably doesn't even think Tom would even tell you.

- Yeah, no.

- [Cara] She probably thinks Tom's in on it.

- Yeah, it's like she wants to create drama all the time.

- Just let her.

- [Lauren] Yeah.

- I'm stuffed.

- Me too. - Me three.

- What should we have after? [girls laughing]

♪ I realise

- I've gotten on the floor and this lady came over

and was pouring vodka in my mouth.

- No way.

- Oh I didn't stop laughing.

- Oh good, I'm glad you all enjoyed it.

- It's a shame, you should have come with us, though, man,

it was good, it was really good fun.

- Aw.

- Talk to me, man, come on, what's up?

I know you, what's going on, what's going through your head?

- Well, there is something I wanna talk to you about.

Like, the other day I feel I was out of order

and I wanna apologise firstly for that.

I shouldn't have got the hump or reacted like I did

when I bumped into you, and I'm embarrassed about that

so I'm sorry.

- Don't worry about it, it's fine, it's cool.

Forget about the other day, I'm pleased you're here,

but what was it all about?

- You laying on the floor with someone pouring vodka

down your throat, ain't you?

You going out and eating doner kebabs, ain't you?

- Yeah, but I've never experienced those things before, Bob,

and I wanted to do it.

I'm trying to just push myself out of my comfort zones.

- I guess what I'm trying to say and how,

the reason behind it is in reflection,

I've probably been a little bit jealous.

And I just don't want our kind of friendship to change.

- We've got a special bond, man,

that I don't have with these other boys.

And our friendship is cemented, period.

So stop all this silliness, Bob.

Stop it, all right?

It's my birthday, gonna have a good time,

and everything's fine, yeah?

Give me a cuddle, come on.

[upbeat music]

- So you got HIV?

[men laughing]

- I'm not gonna have HIV, am I?

- Yeah. - A hairy, itchy vagina.

- No. [all laughing]

- But you haven't got a vag,

so don't worry about HIV, I was joking.

- Don't joke about HIV in an HIV clinic.

- How you ain't got a vagina so it doesn't matter.

- Sorry, girls.

- Do you want us to come in with ya when she tests ya?

Or not? - Not at all,

that's quite disgusting.

- [Tom] Do you reckon doctor's gonna be a man or a woman?

- Woman, don't really want a man touching my cock.

- Say if you fancy her and you started getting a. [whistles]

- I don't think I'm gonna be getting in the mood before.

- [Tom] So you're in and out, get it done,

and then peace of mind.

- Why don't you get it done?

- 'Cause I've had it done quite recently I don't need to.

- You're the one who's wanting to do this.

- If you might have something,

what do you think it might be?

- I don't think I've got anything.

I'm pretty much sure I don't think I have anything.

- Yeah but you don't know that.

- You're not getting it, are ya?

I'm not doing this 'cause I think I've got something,

there's nothing wrong with my cock,

there's nothing wrong downstairs, I'm doing all right.

- Can you stop saying cock so loud, these people.

- Sorry, there's nothing wrong with my penis.

- Annike please.

- Is that the doc? [Tom farts]

[boys laughing]

- Oh my God, that was you.

- [Tom] Fucking hell.

- [Jess] I can't wait to see it.

- Oh mate, I've been waiting

for like five weeks to get these keys.

First I heard that the keys were there

I rushed straight down.

Ah, I just can't wait.

- All right, Rick. - All right, what's going on?

That's weird, isn't it?

- What?

- She just said hello to me, like.

- Whatever.

[Ricky laughing]

Fine.

- Now I'm going to ask you some personal questions,

of course they're not meant to embarrass you.

All right? - Okay, cool.

- Okay, now when would you last have had intercourse?

- Er, a week, maybe a week ago.

- A week ago.

Did you use a condom?

- Yeah

- Okay, did you do sort of oral sex as well?

- Do I have to answer these?

Yeah, yeah.

- There is a reason for us to ask the questions.

- Er, I can't, erm no, er no.

- Okay, intercourse with anybody else

in the last three months?

- Yeah. [laughs]

- Yes, how many partners are we talking about?

- Er, four.

- Four, not had a contact with a male partner?

- What gay, no, no!

- You've not paid anybody for sex?

- No.

- Perhaps we can start by getting a swab test.

Now you needn't worry, the swab test that we take

is from the tip of the penis

and it's all bearable stuff, okay.

So don't be anxious all along.

- All right, cool

- Okay, you try and relax, don't be too anxious

- All right.

- [Tom] He looked really worried.

- Mate she's definitely gonna

put something up his arse or something.

[Tom laughing]

- Give him a little finger?

- Yeah.

- You know what, he never had a test before.

I reckon he might actually have something you know.

- I reckon he might have something as well.

- Hm, what a silly sausage.

- [Nurse] If you can just drop your trousers

and your underwear for us.

- [Diags] [laughing] Yeah.

- [Nurse] It's nothing to worry about,

it's just a very quick test

from the tip of your penis.

It's a test for gonorrhoea, all right?

[Diags laughing]

You okay?

- Yeah, you said penis.

- [Nurse] [laughs] Sorry.

So I'll grab Doc, we'll get you through,

get that sorted out.

- All right, cool.

- What do you reckon it is the doctor's doing it?

Or do you reckon the nurse is doing it?

- I dunno man.

- Imagine if it's a man and he gets a boner,

that means he's gay.

[Tom laughing]

- [Doctor] Now I'll just start by examining you, all right.

Don't worry yourself,

nothing awful will happen to you.

Now just examining your testicles.

Do you examine your testicles once in a while?

- Err yeah, yeah, I always do.

- [Doctor] Yeah, that's a good idea,

once in a month or so you should do.

I'll give you a leaflet about doing that.

Now if I get you to pull the foreskin back for me,

now I'm going to take a swab test,

it's nothing particularly excruciating,

you'll just feel something.

Okay, there we go,

very good, excellent. [Diags gasps]

That's fine, you can pull your shorts

and trousers up for me.

[upbeat music]

- Do you have to wipe her bum with baby wipes?

- No, I've had her bum shaved, so then

when she poos there's no mess.

- [Danni] Yeah.

- And she also needs to learn to walk!

She's just a diva.

[dog barking]

- Mine needs to learn to stop weeing in people's mouths.

- What? - That is disgusting.

- [Roy] Hello everybody, welcome

to the Essex dog Training Centre.

My name's Roy, I'm taking your class today.

But firstly we've gotta do something about these shoes.

They are absolutely ridiculous for dog training, you've got

to change them guys. - We've gotta change 'em?

I feel like I'm at school.

- [Lydia] Such idiots, aren't they, Roy?

- Yeah, absolutely right.

- Stand up, Lolly! - You were wise

because your dog's just pee'd up your leg,

so it's a good job you've got wellies on!

[girls laughing]

- That's Danielle's!

- You have to watch them all the time!

- Danielle, your dog just pee'd on me.

He's got a bladder problem.

- Well done, Poochey!

- [Lydia] So sorry!

- Sorry everyone.

Right we're ready, boots.

- Okay so let's have your dogs on your left hand side.

With a nice command of close.

- [Lydia] Close.

- Close. - Close.

- Close. - Close.

- [Lydia] Good girl.

- Other way round. - You're hurting my dress!

- Tell your dog off.

- Ow, I can't tell her off. - Tell her off.

- Use the sound, off, now do something about it.

Now reward when she's off.

That's it.

- [Lydia] Good girl.

- It would be nice to see a few

of you walking with your dog.

- So what about if they don't walk on the lead at all?

- [Roy] The idea is to induce them to walk.

- Lola, come on darling, come on, Lola.

- I'm not sure about Lola, come on darling, keep going.

- [Lucy] Lola.

- Lola knows her name.

- Come on then. - Put some enthusiasm

in your voice.

- Come on, Lola. - Keep going.

- Come on.

- Gently, gently, what a good girl you are!

- Come on, darling. - Don't drag her!

- [Roy] But you don't have to pull the lead tight.

- [Lucy] She won't, Lola.

- Okay, bring them back girls, that was absolutely awful.

What we're gonna do is getting your dog back.

Are you ready?

Call your dog.

- Come on, Poochey.

Come on, come on.

- [Roy] Bit of enthusiasm in your voice.

- Poochey, come here!

- [Lydia] No you can't shout.

- [Danni] Yay look!

And now he's weeing!

- [Roy] Right, that's about the worst recall I've ever seen.

- Come on Lola. - Come to me.

- [Roy] Watch where you go, mind your dog.

Okay, drop to the sit.

Then turn them that way.

- She's scared. - But she's not following.

- Very interesting. - What am I doing.

- Turn around. [girls laughing]

- [Roy] About turn and come back this way.

Back you go, mind your dogs.

- [Jess] Rick, this place is amazing.

- Thank you.

- So nice.

- I'm in love with it.

This is the master bedroom.

- Aw.

- [Ricky] Where all the magic's gonna happen.

- Ricky, how does it feel, owning your own home?

For three hours now. - I dunno,

it feels a bit strange like,

for four or five weeks now I've had no home

but now I've got like keys.

- You've got to grow up now and be a man.

- Yeah, I've got the keys to my own house.

And I wanted to prove to you how serious I am about you

and how much, you know, I want us to go forward.

Obviously some boys give their girlfriends a drawer,

and I decided I'd go one step further

and get you the whole chest of drawers.

And if you open the top up there's

a little surprise in there for ya.

- It is a welcome pack-- - This is so cute.

- For you to my house.

- That is so sweet.

- It's got pyjamas so when

you stay round-- - Large?

- Look listen they come up small,

I knew that your badonkadonk wouldn't have fit in a medium.

- Ricky, you idiot!

- So I want this drawer to sort of be like

a sign of trust and I just wanted that

to be sort of be like the little turning point

of where we just start moving forward

and hopefully going from strength to strength.

- Okay, thank you.

- Obviously, I've got all trying to furnish it

and I want you there to help me to sort of

add your little feminine touch.

[Jess laughing]

- Boys

- [Joey] You look red?

- I look red?

- How was it, did you like, get a boner, or?

- No, 'cause the nurse didn't do it, the doctor did it.

- A doctor did it, a man?

- Yeah. - Oh.

- I didn't care who did it,

it wasn't gonna be pleasant either way, was it?

I wasn't gonna enjoy it no matter who did it.

Kelly Brook could have done it

and I still wouldn't have enjoyed it.

- What's in your goody bag anyway?

- Full of johnnys.

He was asking me about oral sex,

do I do it with condoms, do I not do it with condoms.

- What's oral, like mouth sex?

- Yeah, mouth sex.

- Why?

- [Diags] Safe.

- No, it ain't safe, that's well, that's really unsafe.

imagine if the condom--

- If it comes off and they chokes on it.

- Yeah, if the girl chokes on it and just dies.

- On the gravestone death by condom chokeage.

- Yeah. - I'm not saying

I'm gonna throw condoms down girls' throats.

I'm just saying they asked do you use a condom

when you have oral sex, I said no, I don't.

He asked if I was gay, if I had gay sex.

[men laughing]

- What did you say about that one?

- No, obviously.

- When do you find out the results of everything?

- They said it should come through in about a week.

But it can take up to two weeks.

- Are you worried, or do you reckon you'll be all right?

- No, I reckon it will be fine.

Can we, can we go?

- Come on then. - Yeah, let's.

I'm really proud of you, you've done really well.

- Cheers man. - Well done.

- [Diags] Thanks mate.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, what do you think of the new hair?

Is it working today?

Or do I still need to practise a bit

with the straightening?

- [Mario] No it's looking sharp from what I see here.

- Yeah, it's just, a bit of a change, isn't it.

Bit of a change of an image, that's all it is.

- It looks good.

- Yeah, mate, you went with a pink shirt, I like it.

- I think it like,

contrasts well with my dark features.

You know what they say,

it takes a secure man to wear pink, Chris.

Who knows what the night might bring.

- To charm Johnson for good luck.

You never know where you're gonna get to.

[upbeat music]

- [All] Happy birthday, Charlie.

- Cheers guys.

Thank you so much for coming out with us.

- Ah thanks for having us. - Hope you have

an eventful night.

- This is what it's all about.

- How you doing mate, you all right?

Jamie, run all of funky mojos

and sorted out your table tonight.

- Nice to meet you mate, thank you for having us.

- Having a good time? - It's awesome,

can't wish for anything more.

- It's 1,100 quid minimum spend mate.

- I reckon we've already smashed that.

- Yeah, you already done it yeah?

- Yeah. - We've had a fair few.

- Well, here's a birthday shot as well.

- Gentlemen, thank you. - Cheers mate.

- Here we go, thanks Jamie. - Happy birthday.

- Cheers. - Cheers, bruv.

[group gasps]

- If you need anything just give me a shout.

- Nice one mate. - Thank you.

- After that shot I'm ready to dance.

Where's Bobs, do we know where Bobs is?

- I can't carry on feeling like this,

and he can't carry on not knowing.

So I'm just in turmoil, like emotionally

I feel like I'm driving myself nuts.

- Like you're gonna just keep on bubbling,

bubbling then all of a sudden you're gonna erupt

and you're gonna blurt it out in an argument or something.

- I just keep replaying it, what it's gonna be in my head.

For me to arrive tonight Lyds,

I can't even believe I'm here.

- Well, maybe tonight's not the best night,

'cause it's his birthday and everything.

Just hold out for a bit, yeah.

- Yeah. I'm not under any illusion

that he's gonna throw his arms round me

and say, "I feel the same."

But, I mean, that would be the best outcome,

but it's never gonna happen.

But I'm kind of just at the stage where

I'm just thinking of the worst outcome.

If this blows up, I've lost everything.

[upbeat music]

♪ You know you're only in it

♪ 'Cause it's hot right now, hot right now ♪

♪ Turn it up right now

♪ Put your hands in the air if you want it right now ♪

♪ Eh oh, eh oh, hot right now

♪ You know you're only in it

♪ 'Cause it's hot right now, hot right now ♪

- Very well done to you for taking

responsibility of your man parts.

- Yeah. - Yeah, I like suck on it.

- You should respect him 'cause he's done something

mature in his life.

- Well done mate, you're well mature man.

- Well done Diags, good for you mate.

Sleeping with loads of girls

without using protection, well done.

♪ Eh oh, eh eh, eh oh, eh oh

- Really nice seeing you. - Nice seeing you, bye.

What's happening, mate? - Mate, you all right?

- Yeah good.

- It's a good night to be fair.

- Listen mate, a few spenders in here mate.

- Little trip down memory lane, Lauren Pope, mate.

- Yeah, but that was only a little kiss and cuddle like.

- She looks good though, Jamie.

- Does look well.

She with Frankie isn't she?

- [Darrel] Yeah.

- Been there, done that.

That was only a one night thing anyway.

I ran her a bath in the morning.

And Billi's there looking lovely.

Billi always looks nice though don't she.

- Now listen, I see Billi earlier when I was up there,

she looks really well.

- She always looks well, she's looked well

for years mate, years.

Wouldn't mind a go on that again.

What's up?

Oh my god.

- Jamie, look forward, look forward.

- No.

- After that night she come back to mine,

obviously that happened.

- [Darrel] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Argent's got the hump.

- Have you not spoken to him yet?

- Not spoken to him.

Sent him a couple of texts,

tried to get it sorted out, didn't happen.

And that's it so far.

I'm hoping that as we were mates before

we can sort it out again

- Doesn't matter that he's here, it was ages ago.

- What are you girls talking about?

- Just girl's stuff.

- There's just someone that I was seeing

for a little bit, over there, that's it.

- [Darrel] It's been a good night though.

- It has, shame about all these exes being here.

[Darrel laughing]

♪ Take my hand, go ahead

♪ Play my game

♪ Keep turning

♪ Take my hand

♪ Tonight

♪ Go ahead

♪ Tonight

♪ Play my game

- Hey, Rick.

- Oh hello, what's happening, you all right?

What's going on?

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm all right

how are you? - Good, how's things?

- Yeah, good man, just focusing

on the flat and the house.

- Wicked. - Yeah.

- You got like a one bedroom or two bedroom?

- Two.

- Two. - Two bedrooms, three toilets.

Ain't had no time to just go out

and just do it all, it's just all coming on top.

Know what I mean?

- And how's everything with Jess?

- It's good, like I showed her around today,

obviously she's had a bit of trust issues and that.

- And you haven't got any trust issues with her?

- Err nah, not really. - No?

- Not at all, why?

- Just, I think, you know, it's not really

my place to be saying things to you.

- Okay. - But I think

there's an issue at the moment

that I think maybe you should speak to Tom Pearce about.

- Yeah, okay, thank you. - Yeah.

- Like you said it's probably not really your place

to say but I appreciate it and everything.

But yeah, no problem.

[lively music]

- I owe you so much-- - There's nothing wrong

with that, your past is your past and the only way

you're going to move forward in life is by--

- All right how you doing? - How you been?

- Yeah, real good mate.

- Looking good. - You too, man.

- James, Diags, how are you?

- All right mate.

- You all right, hunny?

- All right. - You all right, yeah.

- [Joey] How you been?

- [Jamie] Good mate, good, enjoying tonight?

- Yeah, it's all right man.

Only been here a little while, but yeah, it's good.

- No dance moves yet or anything?

- [Joey] Nah, not tonight, not yet.

- Have a good night. - See you later, yeah.

- Take care, yeah. - See ya later, Jame.

- Got the bare-faced cheek to come over

and say hello to ya.

You did well, I'm proud of you.

- Shut up. - You did well.

- Go away, don't mug me off, don't mug me off.

- We're not mugging you off.

- Just get away, get away from me.

- Just forget about it all mate.

- Yeah.

- Forget about it, he ain't done nothing wrong has he.

- Listen all I'm saying is me and obviously,

you knew Joey, me and Jamie were very, very pally.

And, basically, pretty soon after me and Lydia broke up,

She had a one night stand with him.

And I think she was quite interested after

but he sort of fucked her off.

But I just felt that you know, I was--

- James. - No, shh,

and at the end of the day I just felt

that I wouldn't, you know,

I wouldn't have done that to him.

- So you've got a fair enough point not to like him, yeah.

But, yeah, you've just got to sort of

get your mind over it cos he's gonna be around.

- [James] Yeah, I know, that's what I'm saying.

- So just forget him, when you see him,

shake his hand, go all right mate yeah.

- No, I don't need to-- - No, you don't

need to do that, nah, don't do that.

- I'm not gonna have an argument with him,

I'm not even gonna let him bother me,

but I'm just not gonna say hello to him.

- All I'm trying to say is don't act bothered.

- [James] I'm not bothered.

- So don't sit there going like that all evening.

You should have went, "all right mate."

- He's a nice guy but he ain't as good looking as you

he ain't got your personality,

he ain't got your beautiful teeth.

- Shut up, why are you comparing me to him anyway?

- Fucking sticking up for ya.

- Yeah but why are you comparing me to him?

- Look, there's nothing wrong with her.

The only thing she's done is

stand up for you. - I'm being nice to you.

I always stick up for you. - Shut up.

- Stop telling me to shut up. - Listen, yous two,

can I say one thing, she stuck up for you this whole time.

- I'm not ever gonna shut up.

I'm me, I've got a voice and I will speak.

- Don't get involved in my past.

I've told you how I feel and that's the end of it.

- Don't get involved in your past?

Every week it's being brought up in my face, James.

- All right, just forget about it.

It was just mentioned now but I wanna forget about it.

- I'm sick of it myself and I will not shut up.

And I've got, 'cause I'm Gemma.

I'm not crying, I'm stronger than ever.

- All I'm saying is let's not talk about it.

I'm trying to enjoy my night

but we keep talking about my business.

- I'm sticking up for you James.

Everyone's got a past.

I got to 31, here today, I've got a past.

But I don't permanently rub it in your face.

- [James] Do I rub it in your face?

- No but when I stick up for you, James

take it as a compliment.

- No, because you're trying to compare me

to someone I don't need to be compared to.

- Oh my god. - Ahh!

- Fuck me, Arge.

- I haven't actually been here

for quite a long time because of him.

And I thought I'd come here tonight

and it wouldn't bother me but it kind of does.

And I don't particularly want to be here

for much longer to be honest with ya.

I just feel a bit uncomfortable now

and I don't wanna be here.

[upbeat music]

- I took Diags to the STD clinic this morning.

- Oh, what happened?

- He dunno yet, he ain't got the results yet.

- Really. - Hello

- [Tom] Hello

- Can I sit down for a minute.

Just had Ricky run past me like frantically

and saying something about Tom, Tom, Tom.

- Yeah.

- What's going on?

Why's he got the hump?

- I haven't said a word to Ricky tonight.

- So I'm guessing he's heard something like,

we talk to each other.

But it's been insinuated like there's

something more than friends.

- You did say some flirty things.

- Like what?

- Stuff like, "why are you cheating on me

"and stuff like that, I can't believe you

"cheated on me" and all stuff like that.

- Are you joking? - And you being kidnapped

in the hay and stuff like that.

- Oh, Tom shut up.

- That is--

- [Jess] I've known you since I was like five, right,

and we have banter.

- Right, we hadn't spoken for about 20 years.

- But then we started speaking and we get on.

- No, that's fine, I haven't said anything to Ricky have I?

- But do you flirt with me and what do I say back?

Shut up, and do I talk to you about Ricky?

- [Tom] Only like the last two days you've been saying that.

- [Jess] Do I talk to you about Ricky?

- Yeah, and that's fine.

- And how much I care about Ricky.

- Yeah, that's fine, well you shouldn't be,

shouldn't be sending-- - Well then I shouldn't

talk to you then. - Flirty messages, should ya?

I wouldn't want my girlfriend just sending messages to me.

- Well clearly, you're obviously going round trying

to break us up by saying that

I'm messaging you-- - I'm not trying

to break you up at all. - Flirty things.

- I'm not trying to break you up at all.

- No, I think it's not that, I think,

because we was in the pub the other night

and he's basically just said oh look

at my phone Jess has messaged me.

- It's going round that I'm messaging you,

this is ridiculous.

- Banter's something to your mates, isn't it?

- Yeah.

- If my girlfriend was sending the messages

that you sent me I wouldn't be happy about.

- Ricky sees my messages to you,

I tell him I message you. - You showed him that

little bit of the message. - Yes, he sees my phone,

he doesn't give a shit. - All right, well,

if he's fine with that

then that's your problem.

- What play-school banter, that I do with Charlie

and Bobby and he does with other girls?

If you're going to take those as flirtatious messages

I should never have messaged you in the first place,

clearly, clearly. - Jess, mate.

Did you not think that was flirting then?

- [Ricky] Is it all right if I just speak

to her alone, please?

- Yeah, course you can mate that's fine.

Just understand I'm not trying to split you up at all.

- No, it's cool, no, honestly mate, honestly, it's fine.

- And if you've seen the messages

and you think it's fine

then that's up to you. - He's seen them.

- Okay, that's fine, if you're all right with that,

but it's you that said that, it's not anything

to do with us all right.

- It's kicking off over there, Jess, Ricky.

- What's it all about, mate?

- I haven't got a clue, mate.

- How many times I have I told you that I speak to Tom?

Do I say to you that I speak to Tom?

- Yeah but it not-- - You know

that I speak to him. - That I like it.

- No, but you know that I'm friends.

- Tell me what they said.

- They say things like,

I discussed with him the situation

with me and you last week

and I was like Ricky basically.

- Why would you discuss the conversation with him?

- Because I thought he was a friend,

I didn't think he was going to take it.

Look more in to it like that. - Yeah, but you know, no,

you know how I feel about that shit.

- Okay, fair enough, I shouldn't have

spoken to him about it but.

- You haven't told me what they said.

- I just told you. - What did they say?

- I messaged him going oh Tom and LG

sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

- So the first person you think to text is him?

- No, because I'd just heard about them kissing.

That is all it is.

- LG and Tom sitting in a tree.

That's it, that's all you've said?

That's the flirty banter?

Is that it? - That's what he's talking

about that's the worst he's got.

- So is that the only message,

messages that are flirty in it?

- I swear on my life.

- I listened to you, right, I love you,

listen, I love you. - I do not like,

no listen to me.

- No, no, no, no. - Listen to me.

- No, no, no, no listen to you when--

- What are you gonna say?

- 'Cause I'm about to, if you let me speak I'll tell you!

- Okay, go on, no, go on.

- Go on, you speak like you said you wanted to.

- I don't like Tom Pearce.

Never have, never would.

I considered him a mate as in--

- A mate? - A mate!

- A mate? - Not a best mate, but a mate.

- A mate that you go and talk about our relationship with.

- Only, I only did-- - That's the thing,

I wouldn't go and talk to a girl

about our relationship if we just had something wrong

and then say something--

- 'Cause I was devastated, I thought

you were cheating on me. - Yeah, but it doesn't.

No, it's no excuse, right.

You don't go and talk to Tom Pearce after that.

- It's all bullshit, it's all crap.

- You question me on trust.

- I know, I know this.

- When you've done this and then you expect me

to be like all right, sweet.

I went outside and I was sick.

I was sick.

Do you trust me?

- I hope so, yeah.

- [Ricky] You hope so.

- Well yeah, I do.

Just in the last week, yeah.

- Do you know what I mean, you can't.

Oh I sort of trust you after you,

it's the same thing.

- [Jess] Well yeah, I know but that--

- It's the same thing yet worse,

like, I was talking to my mates,

you're talking to Tom.

- You having a good night?

- Mate, I am having a great night.

- [Tom] We got you something anyway, Chaz.

A little surprise, an Essex present.

["Star Wars" theme music]

[crowd cheering]

- [Crowd Member] Yeah!

[crowd whooping] [crowd cheering]

♪ One day

[upbeat music]

- It's in mate. - Oh my God.

- [Tom] Charlie, you in mate?

- [Charlie] Oh shut up, you idiot.

- [Tom] Dark horse!

Let me get a little bit closer.

[woman squeals]

- I'm gonna get some air, is that all right?

- Yeah, yeah, okay.

- Here he is.

Are you all right?

- Not really, babe.

- You haven't been yourself all day, have ya?

- Na, I think I haven't really

been entirely honest.

About things over the last few days.

That row we had, I kind of flew off the handles

and I know I tried to explain it at yours but,

I didn't feel that I could really tell you the truth.

And I don't really know what's changed

but I think the time's kinda come, like.

- I hate seeing you like this mate.

You don't need to be like this.

- If I could flick a switch and not feel this I so would.

But by getting to this stage and thinking

the thoughts and the feelings and emotions.

I guess in a way what I'm trying to say is that

I think I've kinda fallen quite hard for you

and I do, I do love you, Charlie.

- Erm it's, it's a bit of a surprise, if I'm honest,

if that's kind of like what you're saying.

- I didn't ever plan or expect to tell you this,

especially at your birthday.

And if you kind of need to break away from me

for a little while or if I've brought like

shame or embarrassment on you,

I'm really sorry.

- You haven't, don't be silly.

I know you, and you know what, it's a compliment, Bob.

We have a great, great friendship mate,

it's a friendship that you couldn't even dream of,

and honestly mate, nothing will jeopardise that.

But what you need to understand for me

is I'm on a journey now, all right.

I've lived quite a suppressed life, as you know,

and for me this is all about me growing,

and going out with the boys,

and having a little smooch with a girl or a dance

and you've gotta let me do that,

because it's what I wanna do,

and it's the same as I'd do it for you.

Look at me man,

it's like you can't even look at me.

You can.

- I feel like I've betrayed you, Charlie.

- You haven't betrayed me,

you've gotta knock all that crap out your head.

You know what, Bob, if there was an inkling

of me that was interested in you in that way,

fuck it, I'd say you know what go for it,

but it is what it is.

All right, you've gotta make sure you're strong enough

and you're cool enough just to kind of know

that nothing would ever happen in that side

of things with you and me, but we are friends

and our friendship means more than anything else, yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

So you gonna give me a cuddle then?

There's no problem with that man,

I'd hate you to be this sad,

I hate seeing it,

I really do all right.

I'm here for you, yeah?

Want me to leave you for a minute, or?

- Please mate, is that all right?

- Of course it is. - Thank you.

- I'm just gonna be inside the bar, all right.

[Bobby sobs]

[upbeat music]

- [Narrator] Next time on "The Only Way is Essex".

[Tom farts]

[boys laughing]

Will we ever get the image of Diags's foreskin face

out of our minds?

Has Jess just dug her own grave?

- It's all bullshit, it's all crap.

I swear on my life.

- [Narrator] And who is this new guy?

- Been there, done that.

- [Narrator] And is there anyone in Essex he hasn't pulled?

- Been a good night though.

- It has.

- Shame about all these ex's being here.

- [Narrator] Who knows, these people are real,

and anything can happen

on "The Only Way is Essex."

♪ Won't be long, oh

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now, ooh