Original subtitles

And that is why, gentlemen, my government...

...together with all the other peace-loving governments throughout the entire world...

...denounce the East and West alike as hypocrites...

...and imperialistic warmongers.

WOMAN: No, no, no.

Lower the level of your voice. It has too much bluster.

If you are to upset the disarmament conference...

...your tone must be more vital. And much more threatening.

Ah, your criticism is most useful, my Lubchek.

[APPLAUSE ON RECORDING]

MAN [ON RECORDING]: And that is why, gentlemen...

...that my government, together with all the peace-loving--

Ambassador Laslo Kurasov, gentlemen.

Speaking at the disarmament conference.

A ruthless and dangerous warmonger...

...hiding under the cloak of diplomacy.

One part Molotov, one part Von Ribbentrop...

...salt with Genghis Khan and garlic with Machiavelli.

This magazine puts it well:

"Though his nation is only a spit in the Balkans...

...Kurasov's power is awesome.

An old revolutionary comrade of his premier...

...the ambassador also speaks for those who are eager for a war...

...between East and West."

Objective: The premier and his country pick up the remains.

Then you'll understand Section One's decision.

It will be your job, Mr. Solo, along with Mr. Kuryakin here...

...to see that Kurasov is removed from the international scene.

Permanently?

Yes, but not by any means that'll make him a cause c�l�bre.

He must be reduced to complete nonentity.

Absolutely useless to his government and allied disrupters of world peace.

Do you have any idea how we might accomplish that, sir?

Oh, I'm sure the two of you are capable of concocting some diabolical scheme.

[GROANING]

RECEPTIONIST: What is this? - I must see the ambassador.

RECEPTIONIST: Stop. This is embassy is foreign soil.

Police are not permitted without authorization.

Take that up with the State Department. This man's wounded. He needs medical aid.

RECEPTIONIST: Wait. Stop, you cannot go up there.

Strigas YL893.

What is the explanation of this?

He got in an argument with another man just outside the embassy.

The other man pulled a knife, stabbed him and ran.

Wait. He cannot be moved without the ambassador's consent.

His pulse is very weak. We gotta get him to a hospital immediately.

Our government does not wish an incident. Take him away.

[MAN GRUNTING]

Vladeck, check it.

Uh, check what, Excellency?

"Check what?" You fool.

Find out if Strigas YL893 has any significance.

[SIREN WAILS]

SOLO: Splendid job, gentlemen.

Thanks, Charlie.

- My compliments to Section Three. - That's a relief.

Yes, I've got that.

Good. Thank you.

Luxury View Motel. Must be a big job.

I hope so...

...or the Continental Exterminator Company will be exterminated by its creditors.

MICHAEL: Patience, Mrs. Donfield, patience.

We'll soon be out of the red, and into a white cottage in suburbia...

...complete with rose bushes and a built-in barbeque.

ANNE: And children. - And a automatic washer and dryer.

- And a built-in oven. - And children.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

And creditors.

Come in.

- Good morning. MICHAEL: Well, that depends.

My name is Napoleon Solo.

I represent an organization known as the U.N.C.L.E.

Well, uh, we haven't received your bill.

Well, quite to the contrary. We are here to eliminate bills.

As a matter of fact, a very rich uncle just came to life...

...and he's going to take care of all your debts.

MICHAEL: That's funny. I don't remember entering any contests.

I know all his relatives. No rich uncles. I didn't marry him for his money.

You're Mrs. Anne Donfield. Formerly Miss Anne Cortney.

Graduate of Bennington, 1960.

And you're Mr. Michael Donfield.

Graduated of MIT, 1958, chemical engineering.

One of the top men in your class.

Mr. Donfield, I need a man and I need him quickly.

But he must have the right background and he must be legitimate...

...because a certain party's going to check him out quite thoroughly.

You suit all of these qualifications to a T.

Most importantly, you've just made rather a peculiar move...

...and that may very well intrigue the man who checks you out.

You mean like giving up a $35,000-a-year job with a large firm...

...for all of this?

I just wanna have a business of my own.

Would--? Would you mind--?

Excuse me, would you mind--?

Would you mind getting out of here unless you want some pests eliminated?

SOLO: As a matter of fact, we want to eliminate one large pest.

More importantly, we want to preserve world peace.

We would like you to accept a position with a non-existent corporation...

...manufacturing a non-existent product.

ANNE: What are you doing?

Installing a telephone.

Well, that's very nice of you, but we already have a telephone.

Not like this one, you don't.

All right. I may be out of shape, but I can still toss the two of you out of here.

Mr. Donfield, I am sure you can toss us both out of here.

Perhaps it won't be necessary after you hear me out.

And if you still feel the same way, we will leave quietly.

Five minutes.

That's all it will take me to tell you about...

...Strigas.

Mrs. Donfield, you look beautiful.

Everything is very beautiful.

But I'm not so sure we're doing the right thing.

Your chauffeured limousine is waiting for you.

When does it turn into a pumpkin?

I can assure you that it won't.

You're going to be the guests of the government at an international ball.

Now, one final briefing.

In about one hour, Ambassador Kurasov and his aides...

...are going to discover that YL893...

...is the code designation for Michael Donfield.

A man who runs an unsuccessful pest-control business...

...which is really a front for Strigas headquarters.

Then later at the party, he will discover that Michael Donfield is a very bright...

...but cautious young man.

And also that he has two vulnerable spots.

He adores beautiful women and he loves strong martinis.

Do you think you can convince him of that?

Well, I can try.

Now, just don't overplay your part, darling.

[CHUCKLES]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

The man who was taken from the embassy died in the hospital.

His identity was obliterated by U.S. Army Intelligence.

And what do our agents report about Strigas YL893?

YL893 is a Michael Donfield.

He was one of America's most promising chemical engineers.

Last year, he resigned from a large firm...

...to open a small exterminating company on Staten Island.

But that company could be a shield for some other activity.

Strigas.

- You're very clever, Excellency. - No. You're stupid.

Not one of our agents have ever encountered the name Strigas...

...either published or in secret file.

So please don't come to me with any more of your insipid conclusions.

- Yes, sir. - I might, however...

...suggest that you send one of our agents to pay a nighttime visit...

...to the Continental Exterminator Company to see what he can see.

I do it myself, Excellency.

Please, don't. I prefer you send someone more intelligent.

MAN [ON PHONE]: This is 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Hot line for Strigas open.

The president is unavailable at the moment.

Will the secretary of defense do?

[CHATTERING]

The one on the right is Mr. Donfield.

On the left, his wife.

Entertain Mr. Donfield, my dear.

Very well, darling.

KURASOV: Who is the other one?

Napoleon Solo.

Agent with the U.N.C.L.E.

U.N.C.L.E., huh?

Obviously assigned to protect Mr. Donfield.

A little too obvious, I think.

Why should a member of a multinational security organization...

...be assigned to cover an American project?

Interesting question, Excellency.

Yes. And you might trouble yourself to find out if our friend has returned...

...from his exploration with an interesting answer.

Yes, sir.

KURASOV: Thank you.

Do not drink the champagne.

Merely dip your finger in and taste it.

Do as I say.

[HISSES]

Cyanide.

It will be the first of many attempts on your life.

I am not naive, sir.

It is possible that you might have put the poison into that drink.

Perhaps this will help convince you that I did not.

Colonel Michaelovitch Donyev, huh?

How long have you been assigned to supervising diplomatic personnel abroad?

Five years.

And you were with the state secret police much longer.

That is not generally known.

We are indebted to you, Your Excellency, for ridding the department of deviationists.

KURASOV: You may tell General Kolodin I do not require watching...

...by the running dogs of a secret police.

I have nothing to do with General Kolodin.

I am working as personal courier to the premier.

You may read the microdot at your convenience.

If you are still doubtful...

...you can see that the message is in the premier's own handwriting.

- Why did the premier send you? - The premier wishes you to know...

...as an old and loyal comrade, that your position is in danger.

Your work disrupting the disarmament conference was too successful.

You are being spoken of as next in line.

Those who have ambitions for the succession...

...are working for your elimination.

Kolodin.

Eventually either he or I will succeed to the first secretariat.

ILLYA [AS DONYEV]: Unless you can achieve a personal, political coup.

Then your position would become so impregnable...

...no one would dare to denounce you publicly.

MICHAEL: Never tired, Mrs. Kurasov.

You're the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

Oops, I'm terribly sorry.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Ooh, what do we got here? Look at this.

I have a poem for you.

If it be true that I do think

There are five good reasons Why we should drink.

Good wine

A friend

Or being dry Or lest we should be, by and by.

Mmm.

Or any other reason why.

[MICHAEL CHUCKLING]

Excuse me, Madame Kurasov. Darling, don't you think you've had enough?

- We really should be leaving. - Pardon me, madam, I'm a married man.

I've had just about all I can stand.

Will you see that he gets home. I'm taking a cab.

SOLO: Yes. If you wish. - Wait, honey--

Come right along here now.

- Excuse me. MICHAEL: Pardon me, I'm terribly sorry.

VLADECK: Is there some trouble? - Yes, my friend is overtrained--

Calvin Coolidge, how are you?

Cal, baby, you wanna taste mine?

I think you've had enough for tonight, Mr. Donfield.

- Let me see you home. - That's democratic spirit.

Democratic spirit. Bless you all.

- Bless you and you and you-- SOLO: That's right. You're right about that.

[MICHAEL GIGGLES]

Have you ever heard the word "Strigas"?

Yeah. General Kolodin discounts its importance.

But it could be the answer to the premier's message.

ILLYA: There is to be no answer.

The message is to be destroyed after reading.

Trust no one.

Well, what did you find out?

Our agent has inspected the Continental Exterminating Company.

Yes, I know he's inspected it, but did he find anything suspicious?

A secret phone.

The direct line to the president of the United States.

I never should've let him out of my sight. I should have known better.

It was just awful. Honey, you have-- You have no id--

What's our next move?

I know how you feel, Anne.

Ugh, do you really, Mr. Solo?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Kurasov insisted I spend the night at the embassy.

SOLO: How did your part go?

Fine.

The more I counseled caution, the more intrigued he became.

He is now concerned that his enemy, General Kolodin...

...is secretly trying to get Strigas in order to enhance his own position.

Sounds good.

There's one possible danger.

That aide, Vladeck.

He's very jealous of his position.

He suspects that I may be trying to replace him.

[ILLYA SCOFFS THEN PHONE RINGING]

- Hello? VLADECK [OVER PHONE]: Mr. Donfield?

- Yes. - Last evening, while you were dancing...

...with Madame Kur-- With a certain lady.

You indicated some interest in selling your, uh, business.

Might we arrange for you to meet with a prospective purchaser?

SOLO [WHISPERS]: When?

- When? VLADECK: Monday, 3 p.m.

That busy orange-colored hot-dog stand off Second Avenue.

If you will hold two hot dogs, as though one were for a friend--

I have a problem, I'm under complete surveillance...

...every time I leave the hotel.

If you'll walk past the newsstand...

...further down that street, say at 2:50 p.m...

... your problem will be given special attention.

Why a busy hot-dog stand?

Initial contacts are always better in public. It's safer.

Everything must be complicated, nothing too easy.

Either for them or us. Otherwise, Kurasov might become suspicious.

What about the newsstand?

Well, uh, that's where they take me out.

Isn't it ridiculous to walk straight into a trap?

I mean, you could get killed.

That's possible, but in broad daylight on a busy street...

...it's more likely I'll get strong-armed by some plug-ugly.

[BABY CRYING]

MICHAEL: Oh, allow me.

Thank you, but I'm--

Oh! Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- Please forgive me. MICHAEL: That's quite all right.

Oh, dear.

What's wrong?

I think I just had my 11:00 feeding.

Taxi.

[MICHAEL GROANS]

The lovely little nursemaid over there. Either she confused us...

...or she's a bad shot with the tranquilizing fluid.

I'll have to take a chance on the appointment myself. Take him to the hotel.

- What happened? SOLO: Uh....

He's a nice guy. He's got a little drinking problem.

CROWD [IN UNISON]: Oh.

[BABY CRYING]

He just had to be burped.

Is one of those a spare?

No. It's, uh, for a friend.

Heh, I'm friendly, Mr. Donfield.

By the way, uh, I'm Mr. Smith.

Would you like to take me for a walk and see my credentials?

Yes. Uh, I'd like that very much.

[CHUCKLES]

Your credentials are very much in order.

And you're also very pretty, Mr. Smith.

But you don't strike me as the kind of person...

...who goes around buying a broken-down pest-exterminator business.

Heh, heh. Killing pests is one of my hobbies.

And your business interests me.

Tell me, Mr. Donfield.

What formula do you use for your pesticide?

Well, it's kind of a secret.

Besides, I don't really think your friend could afford it.

Is it Strigas?

Well, uh, could be.

How much is he willing to pay to find out?

Oh, uh, that all depends on what Strigas is.

Well, it's something developed by the Pentagon...

...and one of the largest industrial corporations in the country.

A hundred thousand dollars?

Ridiculous. I'd say two million would be more to my taste.

Out of the question.

Not for someone who realizes the penalty for selling military secrets is death.

I, uh....

I might be able to arrange for half that amount...

...if I could tell my friend exactly what Strigas is.

It's an invisible substance manufactured underground...

...with an impenetrable security complex.

That's for free.

You wanna find out anything else, it'll cost you $100,000 in advance.

Now...

...if you'll be at this address between 1 and 2...

...with this torn cereal-box top, there will be someone with the other half.

And he will continue the negotiations.

SOLO: Thank you.

Goodbye, Mr. Donfield.

Mr. Smith.

MICHAEL: My head.

A lot more will happen before they're through.

SOLO: And we're getting near. Every step brings us closer.

The next move may bring him into the net.

ANNE: What am I to do while he keeps this appointment?

Pray that Mr. Smith doesn't realize that she did business with the wrong man.

The others would recognize Napoleon, so he can't continue with the deception.

SOLO: All right. It's 12:30, Mike. Here.

MICHAEL: Honey.

- Goodbye. ANNE: Mike, please be careful.

Oh, I will.

- Mr. Donfield? MICHAEL: Yes.

My name is Linkwood, sir. At your service.

MICHAEL: How do you do? - This way, please.

My secretary tells me...

...you'd be interested in taking out a group policy on the employees of your firm.

For the Continental Exterminating Company.

Sit down, please.

All right.

Now, if you'll, uh, just bear with me while I fill out these forms.

How many employees did you say were in your firm, Mr. Donfield?

MICHAEL: Two.

Did you say two, sir?

My wife and I.

Your wife and you.

I see.

Mr. Donfield.

I'm afraid you're in the wrong department.

Group policies are handled here.

Family-insurance plans on the next floor.

Well, if it's...

...references you want....

References?

A box top from a cereal carton?

Well, it isn't any good without the other half.

I mean, if you want the free stuffed teddy bear.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know what I mean?

You don't know what I mean? Do you?

Well....

May I?

[SIGHS]

Now, what about Strigas?

What about it?

Your down payment. One hundred thousand dollars.

What is Strigas?

It's a chemical formula that will revolutionize modern warfare...

[OVER SPEAKER] 2 ...even more than Einstein's E=mc.

Well, Mike, how nice to see you.

SOLO: Well, Mr. Smith, I'm delighted to see you.

What are you doing? Just passing by here or what?

No, I was in the neighborhood...

...and thought I'd investigate some insurance possibilities.

Continue, Donfield.

That's all for now.

Mr. Donfield.

You have passed the point of no return.

You've been photographed and recorded selling out your country.

I see.

I'll need all your data immediately.

Directives, locations, production costs, formula.

I'll need time.

You have until tomorrow night at 10 p.m.

SOLO: Let's get down to it, shall we?

If we can't complete the transaction by the next contact...

...forget it.

Patience, darling.

I'm sure the doctor will give you your final examination at your next appointment.

[SMITH CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

[LINKWOOD HUMMING]

I've just met him outside. I think he's ready.

Yes.

I think it's time for our friend to conclude the negotiation.

- I don't like it. - Oh, come, come.

You are not at home, always in tune with the gentle nuances of plot and counterplot.

The sly schemes of ambitious friends. You know even better than I...

...the importance of securing all possible information about Strigas.

How can you be sure that Donfield won't take the money...

...and in return give you the formula for floor wax...

...or some other ridiculous capitalistic product?

In the field of diplomacy, Excellency, you are without equal.

But when it comes to direct espionage...

...you would be wiser to leave events to professionals such as myself.

Thank you.

But this is to be my own personal coup.

- So? - Linkwood just phoned.

Mr. Donfield has arrived at the apartment.

- I have a car waiting at the entrance. - Good.

At least let me come with you. I can examine the documents.

I have a great deal of experience in these matters.

That might be very wise.

All right, come along, but only as an observer.

But, Excellency, as your aide it should be my place to go with you.

As my aide, you would do best by staying out of sight.

Now, you remain here until we return.

Code room, this is Vladeck here.

Have you not yet broken the premier's response...

...to my request for information on Colonel Michaelovitch Donyev?

Here's to a good year, Mr. Donfield.

MICHAEL: No, thank you. - Ha, ha, ha.

You needn't be afraid, it isn't drugged.

Are you sure that you slipped out without Mr. Solo's knowledge?

I slipped Mr. Solo a sedative in his coffee at dinner.

Good.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- All is in readiness, Excellency. KURASOV: I'll handle it from here.

- Good evening, Mr. Donfield. MICHAEL: Is that my money?

- Is that my information? MICHAEL: Maybe.

KURASOV: May I see?

You may have an hors d'oeuvre.

A photostat of the original letter sent to the president...

...urging immediate development of Strigas.

And now, just what is Strigas?

It stands for "strike gas."

And its function?

To provide the White House with the answer to the strategy of overkill.

The White House now has that answer?

In the form of a harmless chemical...

...capable of putting entire rural and urban populations to sleep.

The advantages are obvious.

When the effects wear off, the invaded nation is conquered but physically intact.

Well, I have heard of American nerve gas...

...where one drop will kill but-- But this....

Let me see what you have.

What trick is this?

Telephone books.

Old newspapers.

A lot of junk.

What have you got in your briefcase? Cigar-store coupons?

You are a very cautious man, Mr. Donfield.

All right, here you are.

[MICHAEL WHISTLES]

The balance of your million dollars.

So?

MICHAEL: So....

ILLYA [AS DONYEV]: This map?

MICHAEL: Red circles indicate the underground locations...

...of the plants in Alaska...

...already manufacturing Strigas in mass quantities.

The blue circles indicate the ICBMs...

...and the Strategic Air Force bombers allocated for delivery.

Those are the primary targets.

Methods of assembly, analysis, production.

And what is this?

The formula for Strigas.

Well?

ILLYA: It appears to be correct. - Appears.

This paper represents my promotion...

...to the position of first deputy premier.

Mr. Donfield...

...take your money. You deserve it.

- Mr. Linkwood, how about having a drink. - Of course, Your Excellency.

KURASOV: Would you like to join us for a drink?

No, thank you. I don't drink.

VLADECK: Move back, please.

And what do you think you're doing, you fool?

I sent a cable to the premier. In your name, Excellency...

...requesting verification of the courier he was to have sent. Here is his reply.

KURASOV: He says he has sent no one.

The premier does not dare to confirm the secret.

He dares. My cablegram stressed the dangers to us all.

Then who are these two men?

Indeed, who?

Who were you two working for?

The CIA?

The French Deuxi�me Bureau?

The British Fourth Section?

Colonel Donyev, or whoever you are.

You will return with us to the embassy.

And I assure you, before the sun rises, both of you will tell me everything.

I will tell you nothing.

We all know the price of failure, gentlemen.

[GAGGING]

The scent of bitter almonds.

Cyanide.

KURASOV: Are you planning to use the same route of escape?

In that case...

...I will give you exactly one hour to dispose of your companion.

If Mr. Linkwood returns to this apartment and still finds his body here...

...we will see to it that the police have definite proof that you killed him.

Goodbye.

Get the money, you fool.

Illya.

Illya.

- Illya, you didn't really-- - No, I didn't really.

But when Mr. Waverly finds out what happened, I'll wish I had.

Well...

[SIGHS]

...there goes the ballgame.

MICHAEL: I'm sorry.

I thought we had him.

He almost swallowed the hook.

Almost.

A word that sticks edgewise in the throat to strangle one.

Still...

...it was a lovely scheme.

Yes, it's too lovely to blow at this stage. There must be some way to recoup.

Do you have any ideas, Illya?

How can I have ideas? I'm dead.

- You almost had me believing it there. - That's right.

That is right.

You are dead, mm-hm.

But who sent you?

What are you talking about?

Shh. He has an idea.

It's terribly important that Ambassador Kurasov...

...know who you work for, my dear Colonel Michaelovitch Donyev.

Open Channel D.

[RADIO BEEPS]

Alert Section Four, Photography and Documents...

...for an emergency operation. I'll be there in 15 minutes.

MICHAEL: What can we do now?

SOLO: You and I are going to have some special pictures taken.

Illya, I want you to stay and wait for Mr. Linkwood.

And then bring him home, alive and unmarked.

Must you qualify your requests?

[SIGHS]

Oh, no, no.

I thought you'd be gone.

But where would I go?

[STAMMERING]

You're dead.

Well, in which case, this should not hurt you at all.

[LINKWOOD GRUNTS]

WAVERLY: Well, I'm sorry about the rough stuff.

But believe me, Mr. Kuryakin was handling you almost tenderly...

...in comparison with what he plans to do to you.

However...

...I might persuade him to allow you to go on living.

Provided you tell us a few odds and ends about Mr. Kurasov...

...about your intelligence apparatus.

No?

It's a pity.

We'd have been happier with you if you'd volunteered the information.

As it is, when we get the information from you without your cooperation...

...I might not be able to help you.

You know, it's criminal the way truth drugs in a cigarette destroys smoking pleasure.

In 15 seconds you're going to tell us everything we want.

That's how long before the drug takes effect.

Afterwards, we'll toss you back to Illya.

No, no, that won't be necessary. I'll tell you.

Kurasov has very little to do with the espionage apparatus.

SOLO: Yes. - He's primarily a diplomatic.

SOLO: I see. - Mr. Smith is the chief of, uh, my unit.

She sends reports directly back to General Kolodin...

...through the diplomatic pouches. And that's where Kurasov comes in.

It must be more than 15 seconds.

I don't feel any change.

Why should you?

You know, some people find Turkish cigarettes very strong...

...but actually you can get to, uh, like them quite quickly.

All right.

You can do what you want to me.

I'm not going to tell you any more.

I doubt that.

We've done for you as you did for Donfield.

These tapes and this film could find their way to General Kolodin.

I understand he disposes of his mistakes by garrote.

You're our animal now.

What do you want?

There's just one small errand we'd like you to perform.

What's that?

You will go to the embassy and awaken Ambassador Kurasov.

And then you will say to him:

"When I return...."

And when I returned...

...the body was still on the floor.

Donfield had apparently bolted, leaving things as they were.

But before I could set in motion the steps to implicate him for murder...

...I received an urgent message from our Z Section.

Colonel Michaelovitch Donyev...

...it seems, is one of our people.

What are you saying? Vladeck has the communication from the premier.

The premier didn't send the colonel.

General Kolodin sent him secretly.

General Kolodin wanted Strigas for himself.

I do not believe it. Now, what proof do you have of this?

[STAMMERS]

I felt as you, Excellency.

And that's why I went to Donyev's place. I tore it apart.

And I found this suitcase there.

It has a false bottom here inside.

You can see here.

- What is it, Laslo? LINKWOOD: Colonel--

Colonel Donyev had been trailing, uh...

...Donfield and Mr. Solo for weeks.

He took these photographs with a telephoto lens.

Here you can see he caught them entering the White House for conferences.

Now, these tape recordings.

They are conversations from the White House to Donfield.

The colonel discovered a direct line and tapped it.

- What is all the excitement about? KURASOV: Shh!

VLADECK: But, Excellency, why should Colonel Donyev kill himself?

It is all your fault. Don't you know that even now?

He failed Kolodin.

We had exposed them.

It was all to be my coup.

If he had talked, I would have destroyed Kolodin after my promotion.

I had it all in my hands, and I threw it away.

- Really, what have you thrown--? - Will you stop talking?

I'm afraid, Excellency, you have thrown away all our lives.

When General Kolodin discovers that we destroyed his agent...

...that we let Strigas slip through our hands...

...he'll turn us to the central committee.

- You know his mind. - Oh, yes.

And he will claim that we violated his area of authority.

That we bungled his operation.

That we destroyed his apparatus.

And then he will have us killed.

Unless....

Unless, Excellency?

Unless, I send home Strigas.

- Running away? MICHAEL: Of course I'm running away.

ANNE: Will you get out of here? MICHAEL: What do you think I'd be doing?

ANNE: Why couldn't you leave him alone? - So you've told her.

I only meant to enrich your husband, my dear. Really, this is not necessary.

MICHAEL: What am I gonna do? Hang around here?

You boys are cute. You kill each other. You pin it on me.

You get up evidence against me for immorality and treason and murder.

And what else? Oh, you do a great job.

Ha, this is all a great misunderstanding that can be very easily cleaned up.

Well, no, thank you. You've done enough for me already.

- I'm getting out while I have the chance. - Now, we will get rid of the colonel's body.

That will eliminate the murder charge.

And then, when you and I have completed our little arrangement...

...you will be wealthy again.

And you can still retain your position of trust.

Mike, you can't believe anything he says.

Madam, I assure you, I want no trouble, no more than you do.

Now, where are those documents?

So now you believe me? Now?

Now you wanna buy in again?

Why?

- Why need not concern you. ANNE: Mike.

KURASOV: There is an airplane leaving within one hour for my nation.

Those papers of yours must be aboard.

Close our deal now or I will kill you both.

The papers are where they were.

Are these the papers?

They're all here.

Within 24 hours, I shall be the hero who secured Strigas for the secretariat.

General Kolodin will be dead.

You, my dear friend, I will reward later.

I ask nothing, Your Excellency.

Let all the credit be yours.

Mr. Donfield, I'm going to keep your coat.

Why don't you buy yourself another one?

You can afford it.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

[MICHAEL CHEERS]

I'll watch from up close now.

You two were wonderful. It's a very professional act.

The fish has bitten?

SOLO: And been reeled in. Now to put him in the frying pan.

Our pilot is waiting.

What are you gonna do with all that money?

Uh, deposit it. You see, before we started this...

...we arranged for a safety-deposit box in a Swiss bank.

Now, although the box is not in Ambassador Kurasov's name...

...we've managed to have information leaked...

...makes it appear as though it is Kurasov's own box.

The general's agents have been watching it.

Now, into that box goes this million dollars.

General Kolodin has the serial numbers of all the monies issued.

Including the numbers of these notes.

Why, that's absolutely diabolical.

We try.

- Would you help me, Laslo, darling? - Of course, my dear.

And may I tell you how lovely you look.

Why, thank you, dear.

You know, you seem very pleased with yourself these days.

- Are you anticipating something? - Yes, as a matter of fact, I am.

- Perhaps a little surprise. - Surprise?

Something on the order of our returning home as first secretary, perhaps?

Laslo, have you heard something?

And since when do you enter without knocking?

A thousand pardons, Excellency.

But I had some news that could not wait.

A dispatch from home.

KURASOV: We're to return, yes? - Yes.

You are to return.

On the very next plane.

You see, my darling?

Tell me.

Was there something else?

Something about an advancement?

Oh, yes. I have been advanced to take your position.

I am now the ambassador.

Yes. We will see about that when I get home.

VLADECK: When you return home, you will be very busy...

...explaining to the secretariat why you sent them the formula...

...for American floor wax.

What is he talking about?

But it can't be.

I sent them the plans for Strigas.

They know nothing of Strigas.

They believe it doesn't exist.

You sent them floor wax.

Now, wait a minute.

There is some mistake. An honest mistake.

I was only doing my duty.

Your duty?

Well, General Kolodin has a few questions.

Something about a million dollars of our government's money...

...discovered in your safety-deposit box in Switzerland.

What are you talking about?

The general will explain it all to you upon your arrival.

I believe you know these two gentlemen...

...from our Z Section.

They will take you to the airport and accompany you on your trip.

And now....

Get out of here, you fool.

SOLO: Goodbye.

Have a good flight.

Wear a warm coat.

I'd give you a pill, but it failed to work with me, you see.

[MUTTERING IN EASTERN EUROPEAN LANGUAGE]

Well, what's the next case?

Uh, heh, I'm the next case.

[ENGLISH SDH]

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