Original subtitles

Anna is bleaching her teeth.

They are getting a little whiter every day so we're all very excited.

What else?

Frank and Cyril say hello.

They have baked you something but I can't pronounce it.

The play.

No, May. I don't want to give you another heart attack.

Right. The play.

Well, Ellen is being Ellen.

And Claire is absolutely horrible.

But Jack...

I don't know.

Ultimately, this is Jack Crew's Hamlet. It's not mine.

And I'm not just saying that to make excuses.

But I...

I don't know who he is. I don't know what his thing is.

I don't know what he's gonna bring to the role,

so I can't see the Hamlet, so I can't see the play.

That's the problem.

- Richard... - What's that, dear?

Richard.

- Richard? - And Ho...

I didn't know you were there.

I have bored her rigid, apparently. She wants to speak to you.

She's doing well.

May? I'm off to bother that hugely breasted nurse for another vase.

May.

I am sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

But honestly?

Holly means well.

Cheer up, Hamlet

Chin up, Hamlet

Buck up, you melancholy Dane

So your uncle is a cad who murdered Dad and married Mum

That's really no excuse to be as glum as you've become

So wise up, Hamlet Rise up, Hamlet

Buck up and sing the new refrain

Your incessant monologizing fills the castle with ennui

Your antic disposition is embarrassing to see

And by the way, you sulky brat, the answer is To Be

You're driving poor Ophelia insane

So shut up, you rogue and peasant

Grow up, it's most unpleasant

Cheer up, you melancholy Dane

Slings & Arrows 1x05 A Mirror To Nature

Polonius falls and dies.

Oh, me, what has thou done?

I don't know.

Who was it? The king?

Oh, what a rash and bloody deed is this.

Yeah, right.

Almost as bad as killing a king and marrying his brother, right?

Why is he allowed to do that?

It's the method, isn't it, Ducky? He's making it his own.

That's how they do it in America.

Oh, you idiot!

You stupid idiot.

I thought you were the king.

Oh, well. No great loss, eh?

How much longer are you going to let him shred the text like that?

Well, at least he's making an effort. Ellen is barely in the room.

She'll claim she has nothing to work with.

He's giving her plenty to work with!

Unfortunately, none of it was written by William Shakespeare.

What have I done,

that thou darest wag thy tongue in noise so rude against me?

What have you done? What have you done?!

What have you done? Fuck me!

Oh, my God.

Tic, tic, tic, Geoffrey.

Well, can't you do something?

Can't you, you know, cast a spell? Make it all better?

A spell? I'm not a witch.

Then what good are you?

I'm a shoulder to cry on. Quip here and there.

No, honestly.

Why are you haunting me like this? Do you have some kind of purpose?

Is there some sort of mystical task or something you're supposed to perform

before they let you move on? Because I'll tell you, I'll help you, my friend.

I would very much like to help expedite that process.

Sorry, Geoffrey. I don't know why I'm here.

There was no pamphlet in the coffin.

Anyway, that he who was without sin...

What?

What is your purpose here exactly?

Would you like to take a break, Geoffrey?

Yeah. Fifteen minutes, please.

Fifteen minutes, everyone.

It's not my fault. He's giving me nothing. Sorry.

What's with him anyway?

Maybe he doesn't like when people do that to his cage.

Not him. Him.

Why doesn't he just say the lines?

Guess it's just part of his process.

Well, didn't it ever come up? I mean, when you guys are dating.

- I don't wanna talk about it. - Fine.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Claire's a bitch. - Yeah.

She's a terrible actress too, in case you haven't noticed.

Yeah.

Why don't you say the lines? Ever?

I can't say the lines until it feels right.

Well, if you wanna run lines, I mean, I'm available.

No, I know the lines.

I just, I don't own them yet. You know what I mean?

When I'm improvising, those are my words, so it feels right.

Okay. I know, I heard of that.

Yeah. It's a method thing I picked up when I worked with Howard.

- Howard? - Ron Howard.

Yeah, I know, Opie, right? Haha.

But the guy's been actor since he was like three. He knows his stuff.

Sorry.

I would like to run lines with you, though. If it's okay.

- Okay. - You know, you want it to take it easy.

Well, we're just gonna run lines, right? We're not gonna have sex.

To be perfectly honest, I wanna do both.

Well, running lines is okay.

Tomorrow night? Your place?

Great. I'll pick up some Cheesies on the way home.

Cheesies, classy.

If we're gonna have sex, I might spring for nachos.

We're back.

- I saw May this morning. - She's a pain in my ass.

Wouldn't act on anything.

I'm flattering her back, she's still fucking me over.

- Is that all you gonna have? - I'm not really hungry.

Order a steak or something. You need the protein. You'll pale and spindly.

The model's almost finished. It looks so good, little trees and everything.

- What model? - The mock-up of the town, for the pitch to the board.

- I didn't know we're having a model made. - Visual aids are everything, sweetheart.

Trust me, I'm queen of the pitch. I can sell books to the blind.

Blind people read books. Brail books.

I meant books with words, smartass.

- You think I look spindly? - Did you ask Geoffrey for a season yet?

I'm waiting till tomorrow morning.

I'm leaving it as late as possible.

Good boy.

You just look a little thin, is all. I like a little meat on my man.

- You coming over tonight? - Yeah, just for a quick. I've got palates in the morning.

It's not very good, is it?

It's all stairs.

I was thinking levels.

Hamlet would meet the ghost on a higher plane, as it were.

Than deliver the soliloquies here and here.

My heart really wasn't in it, Geoffrey.

What do you think of Jack?

Well, he's very good-looking. If I were younger...

Younger than dead, you mean?

Well, I won't use Darren's design, needless to say.

And as for yours, I just don't know.

No, don't touch it.

There's no money in the budget for a third design.

Just cut it. Cut it completely.

- What, do it on a bare stage? - Why not? In rehearsal clothes.

Been done before, 1964, Gilbert and Burton.

That just proves it was a good idea.

Come on! It would be honest. It would be brutally honest.

Right. And you're one to talk about honesty.

I am, actually.

Death virtually eliminates the need for pretense.

There's no one to impress.

Well, I'm all for honesty, Oliver. Especially in the theatre.

But the problem is whether you have an empty space

or one that's all cladded up with stairs.

And in the end, the audience is still just watching a group of actors and actresses

pretending to be queens and kings.

Well, with an attitude like that, why do it at all?

Because.

Drama is that willing suspension of disbelief for the moment.

Which constitutes poetic faith.

Poetic faith.

It's a beautiful idea.

Of course, the whole thing falls apart if one of the actors isn't very good at pretending.

And will not come again.

No, no.

He is dead.

Go to thy death-bed.

Stop.

For God's sake, stop.

What?

- Where is this coming from? - What?

This staggering about with your mouth open.

You're being sarcastic again with me. Please, don't be sarcastic.

Actually, I'm not, but sorry.

- Ophelia's mad. - Right.

- I'm playing madness. - Right.

And how does staggering about with your mouth open suggest madness?

- I'm not mad. - Right.

- And I've never had been, so I have to simulate it. - Right.

I'm using sense memory.

I'm remembering what it was like being stoned and I'm using that.

I'm disoriented, my head is spinning...

- I think that's what it's probably like when you're insane. - Right.

Well, it's not, trust me.

That's what it's like when you're stoned.

Forgive me, I mean no disrespect,

- but I don't have your experience with insanity. - Right.

And this is hard anyway, because I can't take any meaning from the text.

Ophelia's just singing nonsense songs.

Right.

Claire.

Claire, Claire... Claire with the hair.

Ophelia is a child.

She has been dominated by powerful men all of her life

and suddenly, they all disappear.

Her brother goes to France.

Her father is murdered by her boyfriend

and he is shipped off to England.

She is alone for the first time.

Grieving and heartbroken and guilty.

Because, as far as she is concerned,

it's all her fault.

She ignored her brother's advice and fell in love with Hamlet.

And now, her father is dead.

All because of her.

And the pain and the loss

and the shame and the guilt,

all of this is gnawing away inside this little child's mind

and it comes out as little songs.

And will he not come again?

And will he not come again?

No, no.

He is dead.

My father is dead

and I killed him.

Okay?

Now, let's try it again.

Without the Vietnam flashback.

Excuse me, Geoffrey.

Maria, can you take them through it again?

From the top of the scene, please.

- I enjoyed that. - Oh, I'm glad.

But you're wasting your breath. She'll never change.

The soul virtue of ineffectual is consistency.

I don't know what the hell to do with her. If you've got any bright ideas, feel free.

Richard, I'm in the middle of rehearsals.

- It's about next season. - I don't know what you're talking about.

- I sent you a memo last week. - Give me the gist of it.

We need to next year's season to the board

in order to qualify for funding deadlines.

- I sent you a memo last week... - Well, I didn't see it.

Or I did and I ignored it.

You looking for something in particular?

No. I just... I need a laugh.

Well, in future, please, read my memos.

Richard, my design is a nightmare.

My Ophelia is worse than a nightmare and I have no budget.

You have a budget deficit.

Why do you need a season now?

Just bureaucratic garbage. Council founding, that sort of thing.

- Anything on paper will... - Oh, Christ! All right.

Look, I'll give you one. There, what do you need, nine plays?

Electra. Pericles.

Mother Courage. Don Carlos, that's a very good part for Ellen.

Tempest. Murder in the Cathedral.

How many does that do... Five, six. What else?

How about... Oh, Troilus and Cressida.

Haven't done that in a long time.

And then maybe a commision. Judith Thompson.

A brand new Canadian play. Do we dare?

- Sounds great. - Good and then

we will have for dessert Blithe Spirit.

There, a season.

I'm sorry. What's after the two Greeks?

Mother Courage. And incidentally, Pericles was written by Shakespeare.

- Right. - Well, look at this little fella.

Pull his string and he says

What? Must I hold a candle to my shames?

- Sorry to bother you, Geoffrey. - No, no, no, Richard.

Here's a daisy.

I would give you some violets.

But they withered all when my father died.

No, I do not understand!

This place absolutely wreaks of money!

Yes, but it's all been designated.

There must be something you can use from Darren's design.

I seem to recall seventeen thousand dollars worth of pyrotechnics.

It is Hamlet, it's not Tommy!

I'll do what I can, Geoffrey, but honest to God, the well has run dry.

The well has run...

God, help me.

Claire fell of the stage.

I'm all right! I'm all right, it's just a bruise.

Fuck!

- What happened? - She was startled by a lizard.

It run up my fucking leg!

Did someone open the cage door? God knows where it's now.

I'll call 911.

- That won't be necessary. - What?

It's a chameleon.

- No. For... - Right.

Of course. Sorry.

A death, a duel, a broken leg.

Perhaps the production is cursed.

Fuck.

Motherfuck...

Man.

I owe you some nachos.

This is stupid.

No.

Stupid is good. Don't knock stupid.

- Fucking Claire. - Oh, my God. Forget about her.

She's probably in a hospital room right now,

- trying to tear her cast off. - No. No, you think it's broken?

I don't know. I hope so.

You hope so because why exactly?

Because she's terrible and I hate her

and you'd have to take her place.

No.

No, it doesn't work like that.

They'd just bring somebody in.

Oh, my God. I would freak right out if they called me.

I would freak out.

I freaked when they called me.

I have wanted to be Ophelia ever since I saw Ellen play her.

- I was twelve. - Really?

Yeah.

I used to dance around the house with flowers in my hair, singing.

My mom sent me to a therapist.

You saw Hamlet when you were twelve?

I read it when I was ten.

Man!

Until I was fourteen I wouldn't read anything

unless it was about someone becoming radioactive.

I can just picture you.

Chubby little boy reading comic books under the sheets.

- Star Wars sheets. - Get out.

- I had Wookies on my pillow. - Get out!

You were such a loser.

I don't know if I can.

Use the Force, Luke.

Hello?

Hi, Maria.

No, it's okay.

Really?

Yeah, well, it looked pretty bad.

Yeah, she's here, actually.

Sure.

Hello?

Well, if you want my honest opinion,

it's an interesting season, from a purely academic point of view.

Mother Courage. Pericles.

I doubt that very many of our subscribers even know

that William Shakespeare wrote Pericles.

Don't mean to sound elitist, but anyway.

Once again, I find myself apologising for Geoffrey Tennant.

But this time I do think his heart's in the right place.

His mind, however, is still in the world of not-for-profit theatre.

I did, I must admit, anticipate this eventuality

and I've spent the last few weeks compiling a season

I think is more consistent with this board's vision of the festival.

Holly, would you mind passing up those packets, please?

I think you'll agree that it's an exciting season.

As you know, Oliver's mantra for last few years

was accesibility and I think he would've been thrilled

to see three musicals included in one season.

So why don't we take a look and when we get back,

we'll talk about it in more detail.

Thank you.

- I think that went well. - Oh, you were so great.

Wait till they see the revenue projections. They'll gonna shit themselves.

There's still the May factor to deal with.

- I don't think she's gonna be a problem. - No, no.

You have to tell them that I will be meeting with May

to get her feedback on the season, before we submit our grand proposal.

Yeah, but what if somebody finds out that you didn't actually go and meet her?

- No, I will be. - Really?

Yeah. You know, keep her in the loop.

Richard, I'm not a complete witch.

You know I can't help but feel a little responsible for her condition.

Let's face it, she's not long for this world.

So I'd better patch things up before she slips away.

It's not like I broke her leg myself.

I don't know what you're so upset about, it was that lizard.

She is in the hospital!

Better there than on the stage.

I'm trying to help, Geoffrey.

I'm trying to find my place in all this

and if that means making manifest your secret desires, then so be it.

My secret desires?

You imagined strangling her yourself a thousand times.

So you can read my mind now? Is that what you are telling me?

Don't be ridiculous. I know you.

You would never have fired her.

You'd have spent days with her,

trying to squeeze out something resembling a decent performance.

Every other aspect of the production would have suffered.

I did you a favour.

Oliver, I don't want your favours anymore, all right?

I do not wanna come in tomorrow morning and find Jack burried under a pile of flats.

No.

Jack is your Hamlet. I would never touch him.

You see something in Jack, don't you?

Something no one else sees.

You have vision.

I used to have vision, remember? It left with my hair.

Why don't you have a little sleep?

Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye

and where care lodges, sleep will never lie.

But where unbruised youth with unstuff'd brain

doth couch his limbs,

there golden sleep doth reign.

I'm hardly an unbruised youth.

Hi. You're here early.

I bought some bran muffins. They're day old, but they're still good.

- Do you want one? - Bran? No, thank you.

But I would like a coffee. Black.

Sure. Cream and sugar?

Yeah. Black.

Lord, we know what we are, but know not what we might be.

Who said that?

Ophelia.

Welcome, Kate.

All right, let's get started.

- Frank, knock, knock. - Who's there?

Excellent. First line of the play.

The world's longest knock-knock joke.

Who's there indeed.

Who are there people? Who is Hamlet and Ophelia?

And the answer is: whoever is playing them.

Now, I want this production to be about us.

So we're going to modify the design,

you might say throw it out.

I want everyone to have a look through this rack of costume pieces

and find something that you need. Don't worry about period.

Shakespeare didn't care about anachronisms, so neither should we.

Just find something that says

prince, or daughter,

or, in Cyril's case, queen.

And Maria, I would very much like

to move the rehearsal al fresco for today

because it is a beautiful day.

All right. Go!

- No set? - No. Some chairs, maybe.

Oh, Jesus Christ, Geoffrey. No set, no Hamlet?

It's gonna be quite a show.

Thanks, Ellen. Thanks for caring.

Oh, hey.

- How much? - This?

- Twenty bucks. - Twenty bucks?

Okay.

Sorry, babe. Took forever.

I'll be in a minute, sweetheart.

- Richard. - Ellen, hey.

- Sorry, should've called first. - He is over 18.

What can I do for you?

I just dropped by to see how things were going.

Well, the sex is incredible.

- I meant the rehearsals. - I know, darling.

They're going as well as can be expected. The new Ophelia is a blessing.

Good. Good.

- What about Geoffrey? - What about him?

You know what I'm talking about.

Is he ranting and frothing at the mouth? A bit.

He's unstable. We know that's been established.

You're defending him. Surprising.

He's my director. Like it or not.

- He cut the design. - Yes.

- And the costumes. - Basically, yes.

You know what I'm talking about, Ellen.

People pay money to see these productions.

They expect to see actors in costumes.

A set.

Especially in this case. It's our flagship production.

What do you want, Richard?

Okay, look. I just want you to know

we can postpone.

Cancel, even, if necessary. We've done it before, you know?

If it looks as the production is not going to be suitable.

Suitable? What do you mean, suitable?

Not up to our usual standards. Ellen, don't get defensive.

I'm here to protect you.

You can come and see me if you think this Hamlet is degrating into...

- Into what? - Amateurism.

Come on, baby. The 'za's getting cold.

I have to go. The 'za is getting cold.

Nay, but you live in the rank sweat of an enseamed bed,

stew'd in corruption

and you screw in that bed!

Are you done?

O, speak to me no more. These words, like daggers, enter in mine ears.

What's she doing? She's up to something.

Uncle Claudius is a murderer and a villain.

She's testing you. She wants a confrontation.

Stop it!

- You want us to stop? - No.

Yeah.

Ellen, you're not here. You're not in the room.

- Sorry. - Polonius is lying dead on the floor,

- your son is accusing you of having murdered your... - I know the story.

Okay, well, then please, join us.

- Fine. - Gertrude: O, speak to me no...

O, speak to me no more. These words, like daggers, enter in mine ears.

No more, sweet Hamlet.

Uncle Claudius is a murderer and a villain.

Look at her. She's baiting you.

You'd better deal with this, old boy, before the situation festers.

Will you, please, shut up!

I'm sorry, man. I'm all...

Are you in any condition to do this? I mean, really. Are you?

Because you're lunatic babblings are very distracting.

Ellen, you are not participating in the process.

- It is very frustrating... - I know.

I know. I'm sorry.

I cannot direct you if you refuse to act.

But how do I act in a play that doesn't exist?

I believe the play's been around for about 400 years.

Yes, but I can't see it! We have no set.

And I can't hear it. Oh, I know the play well enough.

But I'm not hearing any of the text.

I mean, what are we doing here, Geoffrey?

Are we putting on Hamlet?

Do we even have a Hamlet? I'm sorry, Jack. I'm sorry.

But we open in nine days, for the love of God!

And I am terrified!

Well, we all are! We are absolutely terrified!

Ellen, when you start coming to rehearsals on time,

and when you stop sending Maria out for cookie and coffee runs

and when you stop interrupting scenework

so you can dash out for a quick fag

and when you start showing your fellow actors

just the tiniest bit of respect

then I will be thrilled to listen to you.

But until such time you will, please,

resist the urge of speaking for the group!

Fuck!

Maria.

Five minutes, everyone.

- Is this not a good time? - What?!

It's about the budget. It's been a battle, I don't mind telling you.

- But we've come up with a compromise. - What?

We don't have to talk about this now.

Richard, I don't want to kill you,

but I will, if you do not get to the point.

Fine. We're gonna cannibalise the preview period

and rebook the theatre for series of corporate events.

No previews?

Yeah.

Just one dress rehearsal and then we open?

Are you insane?

You saw what happened on there. You expect me to go back in there

and tell these people that they just lost seven preview performances?

I knew this was a bad time.

All right, let's see if he can do it.

Please.

Maria.

Are we back, Geoffrey?

Jack, 3:1.

Okay, act three, scene one. Claudius and Polonius.

No, just Jack.

- You're gonna run the soliloquy. - Okay.

- This one scares you, yeah? - Yeah, it scares the shit out of me.

- Why, you know it. - Yeah, of course I know it.

Everybody knows it. That's the problem.

Why?

Because when I say To be or not to be,

the audience will be hearing every, every great actor who ever spoke those words.

- They'll here Olivier, Burton, you. - More likely Mel Gibson, but...

When I say those lines, they won't be in the play anymore.

They'll just be watching some guy acting.

- Yeah. - Me specifically.

- This is a problem? - Yeah, that's a fucking problem.

Because you're just being a guy acting and Hamlet isn't?

No.

Well... Yeah, he is, kind of, in a way.

Okay. So Hamlet is just acting? Is that what you're saying?

Well, yeah, I mean...

He acts like he's crazy. That antic disposition.

But then no, not really.

All right. You have got to be specific.

In this scene, act three, scene one.

Does Hamlet know that Claudius and Polonius are spying on him?

- I don't know. - You have to know.

If Hamlet is aware of their presence,

then when you speak these particularly famous words,

you're performing for the guy who killed your father

and for meddling old fool, both of whom are hidden in this room.

But if you don't know they're here,

then your audience is you

and those people on the seats.

But you have to decide.

- Now? - Right now.

Right now. You keep the decision to yourself if you want to,

but you have to decide.

Claudius and Polonius, please.

- Jesus. - Jack, listen to me.

There are lot of people here who don't think you can pull this thing off.

I think they're wrong.

But you have to do it.

And you have to do it right now

and you have to do it with the text.

So let's go. Do what you do.

Act.

To be, or not to be.

That is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,

or to take arms against a sea of troubles

and by opposing end them?

To die.

To sleep.

No more.

And by a sleep to say we end

the heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks

that flesh is heir to.

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd.

To die, to sleep.

To sleep, perchance to dream.

Ay, there's the rub.

For in that sleep of death what dreams may come

when we have shuffled off this mortal coil.

Must give us pause.

There's the respect that makes calamity of so long life.

For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,

the oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,

the pangs of despised love, the law's delay,

the insolence of office and the spurns

that patient merit of the unworthy takes,

when he himself might his quietus make

with a bare bodkin?

Who would fardels bear,

to grunt and sweat under a weary life.

But that the dread of something after death,

the undiscover'd country from whose bourn

no traveller returns, puzzles the will

and makes us rather bear those ills we have

than fly to others that we know not of?

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all.

And thus the native hue of resolution

is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought

and enterprises of great pith and moment

with this regard their currents turn awry

and lose the name of action.

But soft you now!

The fair Ophelia!

Nymph, in thy orisons be all my sins remember'd.

That was great.

Thank you.

We lost all our previews.

What?

Hello, everybody.

Here we go.

Well, we only have one dress rehearsal, which is not great,

but it's okay, because as the saying goes,

a bad dress means...

- A good opening. - Exactly.

So we are protected, aren't we. We're protected to a certain extent by a clich�.

No, I'm sorry.

This is actually going to be a nightmare.

It is going to have that sickly, sickly feeling of playing to an empty house

except for a couple of ushers and maybe a sympathetic lizard.

But there's no avoiding it, so...

Just find your light, say your lines.

If you can't find your light, shout your lines from the shadows.

Get through it as best you can.

Try and fix what needs fixing tomorrow.

It is going to be frightening.

Have a good show.

You know, there is one

one encouraging thing that I can say and it's...

I just happen to believe that this play is the single greatest achievement in Western art.

We got that much going for us.

I am the center of my universe.

All things revolve around me.

My power is beyond measure.

I am God.

Please, turn tape.

He should know better than that. What are we at?

- Just approaching half-hour. - Jesus Christ.

Well, I did try to explain but he was very persistant.

That can be an attractive quality, given the right circumstance.

Don't be mad.

- I will leave you now? - Yes, you will. Please.

- I have to get ready. - I know.

I just wanted to say, you know...

Good luck with the opening.

It's not the opening, dear, it's the dress.

- The what? - I explained this to you before.

- Look, those are for me, right? - Yeah.

- The guy said they're yellow roses. - They're beautiful, thank you.

- I have to get ready, sorry. - And I got you a present.

That's so sweet. Thank you.

- Open it. - I can't, I have to get ready. I'll open it later.

No, I wanna see your face when you open it.

Honey, I have to get ready!

I'm very tense, really. You have no idea what's involved.

Okay, I'll just tell you. It's a Game Boy.

I don't know what that is, dear.

It's a Game Boy, so you can play it between the scenes and whatever, you know?

Thank you so much. That's so sweet.

I have to go now, cause I'm gonna cry.

Don't worry. You'll be great, I know it.

Thank you, sweetie.

Careful. Go away!

Sorry.

Half-hour. This is your half-hour call.

Shit!

Shit!

Good show, Geoff.

I was looking for Maria, but I'll just ask you.

Act four, scene five.

So full of artless jealousy is guilt, it spills itself in fearing to be spilt.

- Enter up left? - Right. I mean, yes.

Okay.

- And by Gis and... - Saint Charity.

- Thank you. To the mark by the riser? - Yeah.

And good night, sweet ladies, good night, good night...

- Exit up centre. - That's it.

- You're gonna be great. - Okay. Thank you.

- Jack's bucket? - Yes.

It's good, it's really relaxing.

It's kind of nasty for you though.

If I were bothered by vomit, I would not work in the theater.

Oh, God! Send him away!

I just wanted to say break a leg.

Too late for that now.

You too, Geoff.

This is your five minute call.

Five minutes till the top of the show.

Sorry again, man.

Just wanted to say have a good show.

Thanks, man.

Sorry. I'm pretty freaked right now, to tell you the truth.

I'm sure you are, Jack.

I know that things have been kinda... kinda crazy.

But I just wanted to say, you know, don't worry.

Nobody expects you to become a classical actor.

You're a movie star and that's the truth of it.

Just like Geoffrey says, right? You'll sell us out no matter what.

So just go out there and have fun.

House lights out, go.

Hello, dear.

How we feeling today? Good.

Listen, I know that in your present condition

you'll be unable to attend to the upcoming board meeting

and I know how badly you wanna be kept in a loop

so I thought I'd drop by and do my presentation for you.

Ready?

Presenting Shakespeare-ville.

Let me introduce you to a dream.

It's a dream of a theatrical wonderland

where middle-income families can come and enjoy

the world of theatre in a non-threatning atmosphere of accesibility and comfort.

It's a dream of theme hotels and fudge shops with clerks and costumes

and high-quality big-budget theatrical productions.

Three stages running touring productions of Broadway's hottest hits twice daily.

An expanded and modernized main stage facility

devoted exclusively to musicals.

And two smaller stages for those who like the classics.

This is a dream of New Burbage transformed.

We can make this dream a reality.

We must!

We owe it to the visionaries who came before us.

To Oliver Welles

and to our own dear sweet May Silverstone.

This is what she would've wanted.

Let this be her legacy.

And then I switch to PowerPoint. Any comments?

What's that?

Good dress, everyone.

Tomorrow, as you know, is opening night.

I want cast and crew at 10 o'clock in the morning.

That's 10 AM, for notes and a partial run-through.

There'll be a lot to cover, so thank you in advance for your patience.

- Not bad, huh? - Kate, you were amazing!

Hey, we got through it.

Motherfuck!

Jack?

EN synchro: namuras