All language subtitles for Slings & Arrows 104

Oh, miss Ellen.

Sorry!

Cheer up, Hamlet
Chin up, Hamlet

Buck up, you melancholy Dane

So your uncle is a cad who
murdered Dad and married Mum

That's really no excuse to be
as glum as you've become

So wise up, Hamlet
Rise up, Hamlet

Buck up and
sing the new refrain

Your incessant monologizing
fills the castle with ennui

Your antic disposition
is embarrassing to see

And by the way, you sulky
brat, the answer is To Be

You're driving
poor Ophelia insane

So shut up, you
rogue and peasant

Grow up, it's most unpleasant

Cheer up, you
melancholy Dane

Slings & Arrows
1x04 Outrageous Fortune

It was not a riot.

Basil, it was not
a riot, it was a party.

No, it was a prop sword.
Jesus, it had a thingie on the end.

I don't know why you
have to write about this.

You're a critic. There's
nothing here to criticise.

Where's fucking Richard?

Richard will be in shortly.

At which time he would be happy to
answer any questions you may have

about shows currently onstage
or in production. Thank you, bye.

And when exactly
might that be?

Any minute now, I promise.

This is an outrage!
I'm outraged!

Darren, please. It's Sunday.
I'm not supposed to be in here.

- I haven't had my breakfast yet.
- I spent the night in prison.

I had to share a toilet with
members of a young company.

I am so, so sorry.

Fuck your apology

and fuck this tarted up street fair
that calls itself a theatre festival.

Fuck you too,
you dumb-ass bastard!

Anna?

Richard.
There's been an incident.

A million people
have already told me.

I hope that's juice on your pants.
Why don't you go use the ladies room?

- I want her fired!
- Darren...

- I want everyone fired!
- Darren, you're upset.

No, I'm outraged.
He stabbed me, Richard.

Again.

I want him fired first.
Publicly.

Have you had any breakfast?

What is this obsession you
people have with breakfast?

I was stabbed!
By a madman!

Have you eaten anything?

I had a cruller in the hospital.

Let me buy you a breakfast
and we'll talk about this incident.

Incident? You make it
sound like an ill-timed fart.

I was stabbed!
For the love of God!

Come on.

I can't rehearse today.
I can't face the actors.

Where am I going? He could be out there
with a gun, waiting to shoot me down.

Darren, you're safe. Geoffrey
isn't gonna hurt you or anyone.

I've made sure of that.

Go!

You've been charged with
causing a disturbance

as defined under
section 75 of the Criminal Code.

I'm certainly guilty.

I'm truly sorry for
my terrible behaviour.

He's not the judge, Ducky.
Save your groveling for the court.

Talk to your lawyer,
he'll explain your options.

- You're free to go.
- Lawyer?

I don't have a lawyer,
I have an agent.

Oh, please, Ducky!

Marcell couldn't even get you out
of that bloody tour of Godspell.

Do you really think he
can keep you out of jail?

- Well, that's the last of them.
- Except for one. Geoffrey Tennant.

Him? We're gonna have
to keep him for observation.

- Why?
- Because he was found drunk,

in tights, trying to stab
people with a sword?

That's just Geoffrey
being Geoffrey.

Regardless, we're gonna have to keep him
till doctor says it's okay to release him.

- Please. - Look. I know
what you actors are like.

Let's not get ugly.

I know what you actors are
like, because my son is an actor.

He's in Paris right now,
studying buffoon.

- What's...
- It's a kind of a clown.

Now, I am worried
Mr Tennant's recent display

was something more
than an actor's tendency

to deal with powerful and conflicting
emotions in a theatrical manner.

This morning I had a call
from someone at the theatre.

Now, I want you to
be honest with me.

- Is he crazy?
- No.

No?

- Well, he was at one time.
- Thank you.

You'll get him back
after the doctor sees him.

Were you ever
in girl's scouts?

I was a Brownie, briefly.

So you went camping?

Sure, if you call two nights of the
premenstrual ranger camping.

Why do you ask?

This is the first time
I've ever slept outside.

Get out!

I had allergies when I was a kid, so I
never got to go to camp or anything.

- Did you have braces?
- Yeah.

I was fat, too.

- You were a loser.
- Hard to believe, isn't it?

Man, it's amazing we
didn't screw last night.

- Wow.
- Sorry, but it is amazing.

- Are you disappointed?
- No. I hate sex.

You don't know, I might
be a weirdo or something.

I don't think you're a weirdo. Weirdo
would've kill me in my sleep last night.

Come on. Why do you
wanna have sex with me?

- Why?
- Yeah.

'Cause.

We've got a thing here.

- A thing? - Yes, there's a
thing happening between us.

Right?

Yeah, there's a thing.

Okay.

Take me up for breakfast and we'll
talk about when we're gonna screw.

Do you have hash
browns in Canada?

Yes.

You're up.

- Where are all the others?
- Released about an hour ago.

If you're hungry, I can
get you juice and a bun.

No, thanks. I think I'll just
get something on the outside.

Yeah, well, I can't
let you go just yet.

Why not?

I'm recquired to ask you a
question. Are you a suicide risk?

Isn't everybody?

Okay. I'm gonna need your belt
and your shuelaces, please.

You've gotta be kidding me.

I asked if you were a suicide risk
and you did not reply in a negative.

Please.
I was kidding.

And I just can't take any
more humiliation right now.

And I can't take any more
suicide spectacles in my memory.

That gallery is full.

Now, your belt and
your shuelaces, please.

No.

- Sid, I need backup.
- Roger that.

Please, don't call Sid.

I apologise for being sarcastic
and I promise you,

- I am not a risk of any kind.
- I can see this is upsetting for you.

And I know you have
a job to do and all that.

But I mean, really.

Am I likely to do something crazy
with another guy in the cell?

- We can do this the easy way...
- Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.
All right, all right.

Christ.

Christ!

You know, Christ isn't a bad place
to start when you feel this way.

Hey, wait a minute.
What about the other guy?

Why don't you take...
You're not gonna take his belt too?

Don't you remember, Geoffrey?

I'm a suspender man.
Better for the digestion.

Oh, no.

"Christ isn't a bad place to
start when you feel this way"?

Isn't that rich?

That's not a good position
for prison, darling.

Esmeralda.

Que esta pasa?

Some people at
the house last night.

There was some
troubles. A fight.

A fight?

Princess!

She's in the back, Mr Sloan.

Gracias, Esmeralda.

And Sloan just came in.

Sloan.
Right, that one.

It was wonderful for you to
call, Bas, and I'm fine, really.

But I would appreciate some
restraint from the press.

Yes, I know you will.
Bye, bye!

I wanna know everything.

Oh, honey. There was a party,
people got little drunk,

then there was a fight and police
came. It was nothing, really.

See, there was a fight
and you didn't call me?

I didn't think of it, sorry.

- Well, I'm your man.
- Of course you are, sweetie.

- Who started it?
- Why?

You gonna
avenge my honour?

- Fucking hey!
- Honey, don't get all worked up.

Bunch of actors where
letting off steam.

Everything's fine. Nothing
too valuable got broken.

This is the little pig
I bought you in Berry.

I'm sorry.

Let's forget about it. Do you wanna
go upstairs and have a little snack?

- You know I want to.
- Let's go then.

I can't.
I've got race tonight.

God, the moto thingie.

You know I can't do the deed
on race day. You know that.

Don't call it the deed, honey.

What about after the race?
I can meet you somewhere.

You're not coming to watch?

No, I have a late rehearsal.

Why do you want me there?
I don't know anything about it.

The biggest hill's right in
front of the stands, right?

So when I hit the top, I hang
in the air for like three seconds.

I wanna be able to look down there
and see my lady, you know?

I'll see if I can
get off early.

But don't be angry with me,
if I can't make it, all right?

Can't be angry with you.
I love you.

- It was Geoffrey Tennant.
He started it. - Fuck!

You mean your old boyfriend came
into our house to stir up some shit?

Our house?

Sorry. The fucker
broke our pig.

Put it out of your mind,
sweetie. You're in training.

Well, at least you're not in a
straitjacket this time, Geoffrey.

'Tis a cruelty to
load a falling man.

Sorry.

Let's cut to the
chase, shall we?

Are you dead
or am I insane?

I don't see why those two
thoughts are mutually exclusive.

Well, if I'm insane then I'm
talking to myself, aren't I?

- And I am a figment of
your deranged mind. - Ey.

I'd rather be dead,
thank you very much.

And I do not want to be insane.
I refuse to be insane!

That's the spirit!

So, I'm going to assume
that you're a ghost, Oliver.

That's the only sane thing to
do, given the circumstances.

Right.
Okay.

- So you're dead then.
- If you say so.

All right.
What's it like?

The undiscover'd country.

It's not really far off from
what I expected, really.

Is it a relief, though?

It must be a great relief.
Being dead.

Has death put an end

to the heartache and the thousand
natural shocks that flesh is heir to?

My knee doesn't
bother me anymore.

More than anything,
I feel forgotten.

Like an old phone number.

I feel like I'm
barely here at all.

That makes any sense to you?

Oh, yes.

Death really isn't
worth the effort, Geoffrey.

Lunch.

This is a gift, you know.
A gift from God!

- It's also swording.
- Oh, come on.

It's not like we've got pictures of him
getting up the arse from a tranny hooker.

My God, the life you've led.

- You made the call?
- Yes.

He's being held for
psychiatric evaluation.

Okay, you make sure that the press
is there when he's released.

- We want more pictures.
- Right.

And I spoke to Darren Nichols
and he's very upset, naturally.

Well, he was stabbed.

He wasn't stabbed. He was
whacked on the arm with a prop sword.

- He'll barely get a bruise.
- No.

No, he was viciously attacked
and stabbed by a wild-eyed drunk.

That's good.

Anyway, he's very upset with Geoffrey,

because he thinks that Geoffrey
turned part of cast against him.

- Which is true, I think.
- You have to fuel his paranoia.

A crippled Hamlet will
definetly help our cause.

What?

- Richard.
- May!

I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting something?

No, no. We were just
discussing the incident.

Yes. Richard.

I just wanted to say
that the whole affair

is disgraceful and I can't
help but feel responsible.

No, May. No.

I encouraged the board
to bring Geoffrey in.

It was my mistake.
I thought he was more stable.

May, you can't be held responsible
for the actions of a madman.

Where is Geoffrey now?

I think he's being held
for psychiatric evaluation.

Oh, good Lord.

Well, I'll do what I can
to calm the board.

If you need help
dealing with the press...

- No, May. I've got
everything in hand. - Yes.

Well, I won't waste
your time any longer.

Thank you, Richard.

Thanks, May.

It's a gift from God.

What about tomorrow night?

I can't have sex tomorrow night.

I'm understudying Caroline
in The Cherry Orchard.

After the show?

Claire's gonna be home and I'm just
not ready to spend a night in your place.

You don't wanna
have sex with me.

Yes, I do, Mr Superstar.

Okay. How about Wednesday
morning after Claire is gone?

I like doing it in the morning.

Shit!

We have stage combat.

You're killing me.

Well, maybe we
should've done it last night.

We could do it right now.

On the counter.

Just waltz into rehearsal all smiley
faced with hash browns in our hair.

People would never
make the connection.

There was some sort
of riot at the party, wasn't it?

Reports are sketchy, but it seems
artistic director Geoffrey Tennant...

- Bit of a nutbar, right?
- Well, he crashes the party

- in full Shakespearean gear.
- Get out of town!

- Yes, complete with leotards
and a sword. - Oh, mama!

That settles it, kids. Stay in and watch
TV. Theatre's just too, too violent.

- Toozer!
- Good one, Mitch.

Oh, my God.

Do you think they're
gonna cancel rehearsal?

If they do, we're
screwing at my place.

How you're feeling, Mr Tennant?

Peachy.

There's a doctor in my office who'd like
to come in and have a little chat with you.

Does he wanna
have a little chat

or is he employed by city to evaluate
the mental state of violent detainees?

Take a couple of minutes to prepare
yourself and then I'll let him in.

Danke schoen.

- Let's hope the doctor's a fan.
- Oh, no. Please, not now.

Geoffrey, I think you should prepare.
Just as the good officer suggested.

Oliver, go away!

Honestly, Geoffrey, honestly!
I don't think you're insane.

At worst, you're conficted.

You don't really expect me to take
anything you say seriously, do you?

- Why did you attack Darren
last night? - Because I hate him.

No, you've always hated him.

All right.

- Because he's ruining the play.
- Why not take it over?

I don't wanna play
this game, Oliver!

Why did you choose corporate masturbation
over the greatest play ever written?

- You know why!
- Why?

Because...

Because I...
Because obviously I...

Because I'm afraid.

- Afraid of what?
- Of looking like a fool.

I am sick of
looking like a fool.

Look at you! You
couldn't look more like a fool

if you were wearing
the cap and bells!

What's your point, Topper?

What you did last night had nothing
to do with Darren or the play.

It was all about Ellen.

- Ellen? - You still have a strong
erotic desire to possess her.

You...

- Bite me! - I mean, look
at the freudian symbolism.

You penetrated her home and exploded,
didn't you, you little horn dog?

It wasn't about revenge
or artistic integrity.

It was about sex.
Sex, sex, sex.

You are conveniently forgetting
that I would not even be here at all,

if you had not screwed
her in first place!

- That was something else entirely.
- Oh, was it?

That was about power.

God, they're coming
to take me away.

Look, Geoffrey.

Resolve your feelings for Ellen and
everything else will fall into place.

Trust me.

Do you honestly think
I could ever trust you?

The dead don't lie.

What if you're not
dead after all?

Jesus Murphy!

Then listen to what's
left of your reason.

Geoffrey?

Dr Lambert.

I'll be right outside the
door if you need anything.

Hi.

I'm a huge fan!

Thank God.

Whether he is deranged
or not is beside the point.

He may have been in
complete control of his faculties

when he crashed
Oliver Welles' memorial

or when he slammed the festival
over and over again in the press

or when he stabbed
Darren Nichols with a sword.

No, clearly the question is
not "Is he a mad man?"

Question is "What can this
man possibly offer our festival?"

Now, May Silverstone is perhaps the best
qualified person to answer the question

but unfortunately, she seems to
have forgotten our little meeting.

So, ladies and gentlemen,
I put to you

that the biggest crisis facing
New Burbage right now

is not flagging ticket sales
nor is it changin demographics

but frankly, frankly it is a
lack of damn leadership.

Okay. Back to the
bloody grindstone.

I'm glad I'm out of
that dreadful cell.

Not exactly the stuff of
adolescent fantasies, was it?

The whole thing
has been dreadful.

That lawyer tells me
I'll have to pay a fine.

You don't think I'll have trouble
crossing the border, do you?

Not with a clean record, no.

- I get stopped every time.
- What, you?

An inopportune fellatio
at the '79 Royal Winter Fair.

I've been persona
non-bloody-grata ever since.

There's a lesson in that!

Well, everyone's gathered
for the return of the fallen.

- A pint says we lose another day.
- They wouldn't send us back home again.

It's Hamlet. We do have to
rehearse the damn thing.

- Honey, can I give
you some advice? - Sure.

Stop it now. You're
making fool out of yourself.

What? I'm just
doing a sun salute.

Look. I know
what you're doing.

I've seen a lot of
pretty girls before you

try to become players
at the festival by

blowing the star
or visiting the director,

designer or whatever.
It doesn't work.

Frankly, I thought
you were above it.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh, I do, Kate.

If you want to make a name
for yourself at the festival

try being a good
actress. Okay?

Sorry!
Sorry.

- Sorry.
- Relax, Darren's not here yet.

That doesn't surprise me.

Ellen, I want to apologise
for my outburst last night.

You'll have to be more specific,
there were so many outbursts.

About actors being filthy children who can't
take care of themselves, blah blah blah.

Yes, that one.

I'm sorry, I was drunk.

Maria, don't worry about it.

Anyway, as it turned out, your
comments were sadly prophetic.

- Yeah.
- No need to apologise.

Why don't you get me a coffee,
will you? Double, double.

And see if you can scranch
up a couple of biscuits.

Bitch.

- I can't.
- Oh, Darren, please.

I can't go in there.
I can't face them.

I've lost their respect.

Darren, you're exaggerating.

They hate me. Some of
them said so to my face.

They were cheering Geoffrey on.

Darren, they're actors!
They're dramatic.

Richard, I'm used to being hated.
That's my thing.

But I can't function as a director
unless that hatred is kept in check

by a thin, calculated
veneer of invulnerability.

Darren, please.
We have...

And another thing.

I may have cried
when I was stabbed.

They may have
seen me crying.

Darren, everyone cries
when they are stabbed.

There's no shame in that.
Now, come on.

Okay?

If the actors attack,
you know what to do.

Here he comes.

Okay, everyone.

Before you begin today I
would like to say something.

The last 24 hours have been
very difficult for everybody.

And I'm not here to point fingers.

However, the reputation of this
festival has been tarnished.

I mean, we've gotten
bad press before,

but never has it sunk
to the level of ridicule.

And that is something
I will not tolerate.

So, I want everyone to put
this incident behind them

and to focus on
the matter at hand

and to put on
a good Hamlet.

Because that, after all, is what
you're paid for, if I'm not mistaken.

Are there any questions?

Who are they?

Darren requested them.

They're for your own protection.

That's it.

I can't continue.

I'm not mentally prepared
for Hamlet at this time.

All right, release them.

- Again?
- Yes, again.

Everyone's released.

You owe me a pint, Ducky.

Crikey.

Geoffrey Tennant?

Get up, asshole.
Come on!

Oh, yeah.

You would be Ellen's boy.

I'm her man, sucker!

- And so this would be an
asskicking. - Damn right.

Okay. Well, I think I at least
deserve to know why.

Because you've busted
up our place, asshole!

- That's right. And why did
I do that? - I don't know.

Some fucked-up crazy
ex-boyfriend shit?

That's right!
That's exactly what it was!

Fuck, man!

It's my throttle hand, too.

Can you open and close it?

- Barely. - Then it's not
broken, stop whining.

- How does my eye look?
- Fucked up.

I think you should know that
Ellen's place getting busted up

that was an unfortunate result
of me kicking another guy's ass.

Sort of like collateral damage.

- What other guy?
- Darren Nichols.

He's a director and he said some
disparaging things about her in rehearsals.

Disparaging?

He said some bad things.
So I stabbed him.

- Get the fuck outta here.
- Really. With a sword.

Okay.

So why'd you kick another
guy's ass for disparaging a girl

you're not even with any more?

- Do you love Ellen?
- Fuckin' right!

Well, if you feel the same way
now as I did seven years ago,

then you're gonna spend
the rest of your life

kicking other people's asses for
her whether you're with her or not.

That's just how truly
horrible life can be.

Give me a hand.

- I've got some ice in my office.
- What?

For your fist
and my eye.

You know what?

I did have sex
with a star once.

It was in Fort McMurry and he
was in a Tim Horton's commercial.

- Oh, yeah?
- He was the star at our school.

I did an Arby's
commercial once.

Don't ruin this for me.

- Hi.
- God, Geoffrey.

I'm sorry.

There are so many things to which
that pathetic apology could apply.

Well, we could
start with the duel.

You mean the riot?

I was not specifically
responsible for the riot.

The riot was
a result of the duel.

- I'm on my way out.
- Ellen.

I am making an attempt here
to start the healing process.

Do you think you could
at least acknowledge that?

Acknowledge the empty gesture?
Sure, I'll acknowledge it.

- I don't remember Darren
doing that. - Well, no.

It's very hard to punch someone in a face
when you're croutched in a corner, weeping.

Your boyfriend did this.
You sicced him on me.

- Yes.
- Well, I like him.

He's gonna make a fine
man one of these days.

- Can I come in?
- No.

You know, I really didn't get a
good look at the old place last night.

With all of the
hullabaloo and swordplay.

Look! You repainted.

Said goodbye to the to the whimsy
of the pea green livingroom.

- Get out.
- What else's changed?

Still got the pig thing?

We got that in St. Jacob's,
if I recall. Had to rent a truck.

What about the bed?
Old ironsides still there?

Had some of the best
times of my life in that bed.

- That's it, I'm calling the police.
- Ellen.

I see Oliver.

Frequently.

What are you talking about?

He pops up.

When I'm distraught
which is quite often lately.

Anyway, when I was in jail, without
my belt and my shuelaces, I might add,

he said something.

He said that I
still desire you.

And that this motivates me.

Or prevents me
from doing certain

things.

This desire.

I'm paraphrasing.

My God, you are mad.

Apparently.

But not in the way
that you think.

Well.

I'll...
I'll go.

So, you... you...

You don't see him?

Oliver?
No, Geoffrey.

I just thought, maybe because
we both loved him once, that...

I don't know how
these things work.

I'm sorry.
For everything.

All right.

I thought I saw him once.

Last Thursday.

It was the top of the
second act of the Dream.

I was on stage and I caught
sight of someone in the wings.

He was staring at
me and I thought...

That's Oliver.

- Chill ran down my spine.
- Yeah, of course.

No, it was the
look on this face.

It was so...

sad and frightened,

full of dread.

Put me off for the for
the rest of the show.

I'm sure his expression wasn't
a comment on your performance.

I'm sure it had something
to do with being dead.

I have to go.
I have an appointment.

You can take a few minutes
to look around if you like.

Just lock the door
when you leave.

So, is Moving Target
gonna be a huge hit?

What do you think?

I think it sounds like
a nice quiet little movie.

Who's gonna play
Dr Jenna North?

Madonna.

Wow.

All I can say is wow.

- What about Montana Entitled?
- That one's great.

It's perfect.

Is there a part for you?

Yes.

- A good one?
- A great one.

I want it. But they're probably
gonna give it to someone else.

- Did you have to read for it?
- Eight times.

It was good, too.
Best reading ever.

I loved playing the
part just in the room.

I hope you get it.

They're gonna give
it to someone else.

That's one of reasons
why I'm here, actually.

To get some legitimacy
as an actor, you know?

I know it sounds stupid, but playing
a part like Hamlet even in Canada

ups your
credibility in States.

What's the matter?

Okay.

Claire freaked me
out in rehearsal.

She said something...

What?

She accused me of being
a player by sleeping with you.

A player?
She's one to talk.

Yeah. That whole cast-slut
thing... It's started.

Yeah, well, fuck her.

Yeah.

It's just that if she thinks it
then everybody thinks it, right?

You said you didn't care
what people thought.

Well, I guess I do.

And anyway, Madonna?

You're gonna be in a
movie with Madonna?

- Jesus Christ, you are a star.
- She might not do it.

Oh, my God! What
am I doing with you?

Come on, Kate.
Don't...

Maybe I am having sex with
you 'cause you're a star.

Come on.
That's insulting, okay?

Kate, Claire is just...
Kate!

Claire is just being a bitch.

I just have to think
about this, okay?

I loved it.

I'll see you at rehearsal.

... forgone all customs
of excercises,

and indeed it goes
so heavily with my...

... work is man!
How noble in reason,

how infinite in faculty,

in form and moving how
express an 'after eight',

in action how like an angel,

in apprehension how like a god.

Hi, I'm okay now.

Darren, it's okay, I've
come to do you a favour.

- A favour?
- You're fired.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

I am sick of this place.
I am sick of being stabbed.

I know, I know.

So, what's next for Mr Nichols?

I don't know.

I might go to Berlin. They
understand me there.

Artists are embraced
as heroes in Germany.

Yeah, I understand that
Hitler was a fine painter.

Oh, the Tennant wit.

It's nice to see it wasn't completely
vapourized by the electroshock.

So, you're closing
down the Hamlet?

No, I'm gonna take it over.

Good, I hope it
kills you this time.

It might.

And what the hell.

Always a hero, Geoffrey.
The defender of integrity.

It's pathetic.

You know, Darren, your
problem is you hate the theater.

- You always have.
- I don't hate it, I pity it.

Sad little medium
struggling to be heard.

More people listen to the
radio than go to the theater.

And nobody listens to the radio.

- Goodbye, Darren.
- Goodbye, Geoffrey.

It was fun.

Darren Nichols?

Yes?

I know the two
of you are close.

I feel very uncomfortable
telling you these things.

Please, May. If you think
she's being unethical...

No. It hasn't gotten
to that point yet.

She's conviened board
meetings without telling me.

That is the extent
of her duplicity.

Wait.

Are you sure she's misleading you?
I mean, you could've just forgot.

You see? She's
undermining my credibility!

- No, no, I meant...
- She's an opportunist, Richard.

She's building a power base.
But I don't know why exactly.

Has she mentioned
anything to you?

No. No.

Richard...
May!

- The trouble you've cost me,
Geoffrey. - I know, I know.

I put my faith in you.
I put my reputation on the line.

May, please.
I am a turd. I know that.

But I have finally done
something, something positive.

What, you're going
to see a therapist?

No.

- I fired Darren Nichols.
- Oh, God, no.

Jesus Christ, you can't do that!
You don't have the authority.

Really? I just did. He's on
his way back to the Weimar.

- Forget about him.
- What about our Hamlet?

- I'll direct it.
- You?

That's what you wanted
in the first place, wasn't it?

That was before you went
on a drunken stabbing spree.

C'mon, I barely broke
his lily white skin.

May, may I?

Walk with me into
the theatre, will you?

- Cast is assembled, I believe.
- Fine.

Just march out of here. Leave me
with this public relations nightmare.

That would be great, because
apparently I'm terrible with the press.

Can you talk?

I'm glad to see
you're focused, Geoffrey.

Nothing focuses the mind
like the sight of the gallows.

- Wait, I can't keep up.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Geoffrey, something is happening.

Come here. Anna. Can you get
May a glass of water, please?

I hate to sound dramatic,

but I think there's
going to be a coup d'etas.

It's...

that American woman.
Holly Day.

And I don't know who else.

I'll do what I can to hold firm and
defend the integrity of the festi...

But you've laid the groundwork
for the opposition, I'm afraid.

I know.
I know and I'm sorry.

Go rehearse your play.
Just be prepared for a rough ride.

A rough ride?

May, we've lost two
weeks of rehearsal,

the new director is
a certified madman

and the Hamlet is
an action figure.

It's going to be a
goddamn death march!

- You all right?
- Yes, dear. I'm fine. Thank you.

It's been a difficult
time for everyone.

- Geoffrey just fired Darren.
- Oh, God.

I have such mixed
feelings about that.

No. It's good.
I hate him.

- Do you want an aspirin?
- No, thanks.

I thought you'd be
at the board meeting.

- What board meeting?
- The one in the board room.

- Started at nine o'clock.
- Yes.

Well, I'm on my way.

Greetings, actors!

I have news from my planet.

Darren Nichols is gone.

He has been sent packing.

You will no longer see him
or his post-modern

sudo-bracktian leather-clad schoolboy
buggery of a production design again.

There are some of you
who will be terrified to learn

that I'm taking over
direction of this play.

There are others
who will be thrilled

because you know
that in my production

there will be little danger of you
stepping in a pile of horse shit.

But I think that there is one thing that both,
the pro-Geoffrey and the anti-Geoffrey camps

can agree upon and that is,
that my reason may very well

be hanging by a thread.

Well, my friends,

it is my belief that the best stuff
happens just before the thread snaps.

So, take out your scripts.
Let's begin.

Free reading of the play.
Sitting, standing, walking,

dancing, levitating,
whatever it is you wanna do.

And Maria, I imagine
we're still waiting for Ellen.

I'm here.

Fantastic!

Maria, off we go.

All right then.

Hamlet.
Act one, scene one.

- Enter two sentinels.
- Go on.

Who's there?

Nay, answer me.
Stand, and unfold yourself.

Long live the king.

- Bernardo?
- He.

You come most
carefully upon your hour.

'Tis now struck twelve.
Get thee to bed, Francisco.

For this relief much thanks.

No, we're in this situation
because of your bad judgement.

Did you not walk into the Richard
Smith-Jones' office and say, and I quote,

"This whole affair is disgraceful and I
can't help but take responsibility for it"?

Yes, I did say that.

And yet you expect this board
to believe that this latest insult,

the impulsive firing of director,
represents a step towards stability?

- It represents...
- The fact is, Ms Silverstone,

if you would have bothered to
attend previous three board meetings

- I was not informed!
- you would know that the board

has taken steps to ensure that it will no
longer have to depend on your judgement.

What does that mean exactly?

I'll state it as plainly as I can.

Effective immediately, Richard
Smith-Jones will assume the new position

of the executive director of
New Burbage Theatre Festival.

With full veto power over it's artistic
director and answering only to this board.

- Richard knows this? - Everyone
knows this except you, apparently.

I was not informed
of the meetings.

Ms Silvestone, you were
informed by phone and e-mail.

No, I was not!

I have been left
out of the loop.

Purposefully compromised.

You have to realise
what's happening here.

This is a plot.

There is some sort of conspiracy to
destabilise what we have created.

I was here in the very beginning.

When there was
nothing but a tent.

Okay, someone call 911.

EN synchro: namuras