Original subtitles

Oh, miss Ellen.

Sorry!

Cheer up, Hamlet Chin up, Hamlet

Buck up, you melancholy Dane

So your uncle is a cad who murdered Dad and married Mum

That's really no excuse to be as glum as you've become

So wise up, Hamlet Rise up, Hamlet

Buck up and sing the new refrain

Your incessant monologizing fills the castle with ennui

Your antic disposition is embarrassing to see

And by the way, you sulky brat, the answer is To Be

You're driving poor Ophelia insane

So shut up, you rogue and peasant

Grow up, it's most unpleasant

Cheer up, you melancholy Dane

Slings & Arrows 1x04 Outrageous Fortune

It was not a riot.

Basil, it was not a riot, it was a party.

No, it was a prop sword. Jesus, it had a thingie on the end.

I don't know why you have to write about this.

You're a critic. There's nothing here to criticise.

Where's fucking Richard?

Richard will be in shortly.

At which time he would be happy to answer any questions you may have

about shows currently onstage or in production. Thank you, bye.

And when exactly might that be?

Any minute now, I promise.

This is an outrage! I'm outraged!

Darren, please. It's Sunday. I'm not supposed to be in here.

- I haven't had my breakfast yet. - I spent the night in prison.

I had to share a toilet with members of a young company.

I am so, so sorry.

Fuck your apology

and fuck this tarted up street fair that calls itself a theatre festival.

Fuck you too, you dumb-ass bastard!

Anna?

Richard. There's been an incident.

A million people have already told me.

I hope that's juice on your pants. Why don't you go use the ladies room?

- I want her fired! - Darren...

- I want everyone fired! - Darren, you're upset.

No, I'm outraged. He stabbed me, Richard.

Again.

I want him fired first. Publicly.

Have you had any breakfast?

What is this obsession you people have with breakfast?

I was stabbed! By a madman!

Have you eaten anything?

I had a cruller in the hospital.

Let me buy you a breakfast and we'll talk about this incident.

Incident? You make it sound like an ill-timed fart.

I was stabbed! For the love of God!

Come on.

I can't rehearse today. I can't face the actors.

Where am I going? He could be out there with a gun, waiting to shoot me down.

Darren, you're safe. Geoffrey isn't gonna hurt you or anyone.

I've made sure of that.

Go!

You've been charged with causing a disturbance

as defined under section 75 of the Criminal Code.

I'm certainly guilty.

I'm truly sorry for my terrible behaviour.

He's not the judge, Ducky. Save your groveling for the court.

Talk to your lawyer, he'll explain your options.

- You're free to go. - Lawyer?

I don't have a lawyer, I have an agent.

Oh, please, Ducky!

Marcell couldn't even get you out of that bloody tour of Godspell.

Do you really think he can keep you out of jail?

- Well, that's the last of them. - Except for one. Geoffrey Tennant.

Him? We're gonna have to keep him for observation.

- Why? - Because he was found drunk,

in tights, trying to stab people with a sword?

That's just Geoffrey being Geoffrey.

Regardless, we're gonna have to keep him till doctor says it's okay to release him.

- Please. - Look. I know what you actors are like.

Let's not get ugly.

I know what you actors are like, because my son is an actor.

He's in Paris right now, studying buffoon.

- What's... - It's a kind of a clown.

Now, I am worried Mr Tennant's recent display

was something more than an actor's tendency

to deal with powerful and conflicting emotions in a theatrical manner.

This morning I had a call from someone at the theatre.

Now, I want you to be honest with me.

- Is he crazy? - No.

No?

- Well, he was at one time. - Thank you.

You'll get him back after the doctor sees him.

Were you ever in girl's scouts?

I was a Brownie, briefly.

So you went camping?

Sure, if you call two nights of the premenstrual ranger camping.

Why do you ask?

This is the first time I've ever slept outside.

Get out!

I had allergies when I was a kid, so I never got to go to camp or anything.

- Did you have braces? - Yeah.

I was fat, too.

- You were a loser. - Hard to believe, isn't it?

Man, it's amazing we didn't screw last night.

- Wow. - Sorry, but it is amazing.

- Are you disappointed? - No. I hate sex.

You don't know, I might be a weirdo or something.

I don't think you're a weirdo. Weirdo would've kill me in my sleep last night.

Come on. Why do you wanna have sex with me?

- Why? - Yeah.

'Cause.

We've got a thing here.

- A thing? - Yes, there's a thing happening between us.

Right?

Yeah, there's a thing.

Okay.

Take me up for breakfast and we'll talk about when we're gonna screw.

Do you have hash browns in Canada?

Yes.

You're up.

- Where are all the others? - Released about an hour ago.

If you're hungry, I can get you juice and a bun.

No, thanks. I think I'll just get something on the outside.

Yeah, well, I can't let you go just yet.

Why not?

I'm recquired to ask you a question. Are you a suicide risk?

Isn't everybody?

Okay. I'm gonna need your belt and your shuelaces, please.

You've gotta be kidding me.

I asked if you were a suicide risk and you did not reply in a negative.

Please. I was kidding.

And I just can't take any more humiliation right now.

And I can't take any more suicide spectacles in my memory.

That gallery is full.

Now, your belt and your shuelaces, please.

No.

- Sid, I need backup. - Roger that.

Please, don't call Sid.

I apologise for being sarcastic and I promise you,

- I am not a risk of any kind. - I can see this is upsetting for you.

And I know you have a job to do and all that.

But I mean, really.

Am I likely to do something crazy with another guy in the cell?

- We can do this the easy way... - Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. All right, all right.

Christ.

Christ!

You know, Christ isn't a bad place to start when you feel this way.

Hey, wait a minute. What about the other guy?

Why don't you take... You're not gonna take his belt too?

Don't you remember, Geoffrey?

I'm a suspender man. Better for the digestion.

Oh, no.

"Christ isn't a bad place to start when you feel this way"?

Isn't that rich?

That's not a good position for prison, darling.

Esmeralda.

Que esta pasa?

Some people at the house last night.

There was some troubles. A fight.

A fight?

Princess!

She's in the back, Mr Sloan.

Gracias, Esmeralda.

And Sloan just came in.

Sloan. Right, that one.

It was wonderful for you to call, Bas, and I'm fine, really.

But I would appreciate some restraint from the press.

Yes, I know you will. Bye, bye!

I wanna know everything.

Oh, honey. There was a party, people got little drunk,

then there was a fight and police came. It was nothing, really.

See, there was a fight and you didn't call me?

I didn't think of it, sorry.

- Well, I'm your man. - Of course you are, sweetie.

- Who started it? - Why?

You gonna avenge my honour?

- Fucking hey! - Honey, don't get all worked up.

Bunch of actors where letting off steam.

Everything's fine. Nothing too valuable got broken.

This is the little pig I bought you in Berry.

I'm sorry.

Let's forget about it. Do you wanna go upstairs and have a little snack?

- You know I want to. - Let's go then.

I can't. I've got race tonight.

God, the moto thingie.

You know I can't do the deed on race day. You know that.

Don't call it the deed, honey.

What about after the race? I can meet you somewhere.

You're not coming to watch?

No, I have a late rehearsal.

Why do you want me there? I don't know anything about it.

The biggest hill's right in front of the stands, right?

So when I hit the top, I hang in the air for like three seconds.

I wanna be able to look down there and see my lady, you know?

I'll see if I can get off early.

But don't be angry with me, if I can't make it, all right?

Can't be angry with you. I love you.

- It was Geoffrey Tennant. He started it. - Fuck!

You mean your old boyfriend came into our house to stir up some shit?

Our house?

Sorry. The fucker broke our pig.

Put it out of your mind, sweetie. You're in training.

Well, at least you're not in a straitjacket this time, Geoffrey.

'Tis a cruelty to load a falling man.

Sorry.

Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

Are you dead or am I insane?

I don't see why those two thoughts are mutually exclusive.

Well, if I'm insane then I'm talking to myself, aren't I?

- And I am a figment of your deranged mind. - Ey.

I'd rather be dead, thank you very much.

And I do not want to be insane. I refuse to be insane!

That's the spirit!

So, I'm going to assume that you're a ghost, Oliver.

That's the only sane thing to do, given the circumstances.

Right. Okay.

- So you're dead then. - If you say so.

All right. What's it like?

The undiscover'd country.

It's not really far off from what I expected, really.

Is it a relief, though?

It must be a great relief. Being dead.

Has death put an end

to the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to?

My knee doesn't bother me anymore.

More than anything, I feel forgotten.

Like an old phone number.

I feel like I'm barely here at all.

That makes any sense to you?

Oh, yes.

Death really isn't worth the effort, Geoffrey.

Lunch.

This is a gift, you know. A gift from God!

- It's also swording. - Oh, come on.

It's not like we've got pictures of him getting up the arse from a tranny hooker.

My God, the life you've led.

- You made the call? - Yes.

He's being held for psychiatric evaluation.

Okay, you make sure that the press is there when he's released.

- We want more pictures. - Right.

And I spoke to Darren Nichols and he's very upset, naturally.

Well, he was stabbed.

He wasn't stabbed. He was whacked on the arm with a prop sword.

- He'll barely get a bruise. - No.

No, he was viciously attacked and stabbed by a wild-eyed drunk.

That's good.

Anyway, he's very upset with Geoffrey,

because he thinks that Geoffrey turned part of cast against him.

- Which is true, I think. - You have to fuel his paranoia.

A crippled Hamlet will definetly help our cause.

What?

- Richard. - May!

I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?

No, no. We were just discussing the incident.

Yes. Richard.

I just wanted to say that the whole affair

is disgraceful and I can't help but feel responsible.

No, May. No.

I encouraged the board to bring Geoffrey in.

It was my mistake. I thought he was more stable.

May, you can't be held responsible for the actions of a madman.

Where is Geoffrey now?

I think he's being held for psychiatric evaluation.

Oh, good Lord.

Well, I'll do what I can to calm the board.

If you need help dealing with the press...

- No, May. I've got everything in hand. - Yes.

Well, I won't waste your time any longer.

Thank you, Richard.

Thanks, May.

It's a gift from God.

What about tomorrow night?

I can't have sex tomorrow night.

I'm understudying Caroline in The Cherry Orchard.

After the show?

Claire's gonna be home and I'm just not ready to spend a night in your place.

You don't wanna have sex with me.

Yes, I do, Mr Superstar.

Okay. How about Wednesday morning after Claire is gone?

I like doing it in the morning.

Shit!

We have stage combat.

You're killing me.

Well, maybe we should've done it last night.

We could do it right now.

On the counter.

Just waltz into rehearsal all smiley faced with hash browns in our hair.

People would never make the connection.

There was some sort of riot at the party, wasn't it?

Reports are sketchy, but it seems artistic director Geoffrey Tennant...

- Bit of a nutbar, right? - Well, he crashes the party

- in full Shakespearean gear. - Get out of town!

- Yes, complete with leotards and a sword. - Oh, mama!

That settles it, kids. Stay in and watch TV. Theatre's just too, too violent.

- Toozer! - Good one, Mitch.

Oh, my God.

Do you think they're gonna cancel rehearsal?

If they do, we're screwing at my place.

How you're feeling, Mr Tennant?

Peachy.

There's a doctor in my office who'd like to come in and have a little chat with you.

Does he wanna have a little chat

or is he employed by city to evaluate the mental state of violent detainees?

Take a couple of minutes to prepare yourself and then I'll let him in.

Danke schoen.

- Let's hope the doctor's a fan. - Oh, no. Please, not now.

Geoffrey, I think you should prepare. Just as the good officer suggested.

Oliver, go away!

Honestly, Geoffrey, honestly! I don't think you're insane.

At worst, you're conficted.

You don't really expect me to take anything you say seriously, do you?

- Why did you attack Darren last night? - Because I hate him.

No, you've always hated him.

All right.

- Because he's ruining the play. - Why not take it over?

I don't wanna play this game, Oliver!

Why did you choose corporate masturbation over the greatest play ever written?

- You know why! - Why?

Because...

Because I... Because obviously I...

Because I'm afraid.

- Afraid of what? - Of looking like a fool.

I am sick of looking like a fool.

Look at you! You couldn't look more like a fool

if you were wearing the cap and bells!

What's your point, Topper?

What you did last night had nothing to do with Darren or the play.

It was all about Ellen.

- Ellen? - You still have a strong erotic desire to possess her.

You...

- Bite me! - I mean, look at the freudian symbolism.

You penetrated her home and exploded, didn't you, you little horn dog?

It wasn't about revenge or artistic integrity.

It was about sex. Sex, sex, sex.

You are conveniently forgetting that I would not even be here at all,

if you had not screwed her in first place!

- That was something else entirely. - Oh, was it?

That was about power.

God, they're coming to take me away.

Look, Geoffrey.

Resolve your feelings for Ellen and everything else will fall into place.

Trust me.

Do you honestly think I could ever trust you?

The dead don't lie.

What if you're not dead after all?

Jesus Murphy!

Then listen to what's left of your reason.

Geoffrey?

Dr Lambert.

I'll be right outside the door if you need anything.

Hi.

I'm a huge fan!

Thank God.

Whether he is deranged or not is beside the point.

He may have been in complete control of his faculties

when he crashed Oliver Welles' memorial

or when he slammed the festival over and over again in the press

or when he stabbed Darren Nichols with a sword.

No, clearly the question is not "Is he a mad man?"

Question is "What can this man possibly offer our festival?"

Now, May Silverstone is perhaps the best qualified person to answer the question

but unfortunately, she seems to have forgotten our little meeting.

So, ladies and gentlemen, I put to you

that the biggest crisis facing New Burbage right now

is not flagging ticket sales nor is it changin demographics

but frankly, frankly it is a lack of damn leadership.

Okay. Back to the bloody grindstone.

I'm glad I'm out of that dreadful cell.

Not exactly the stuff of adolescent fantasies, was it?

The whole thing has been dreadful.

That lawyer tells me I'll have to pay a fine.

You don't think I'll have trouble crossing the border, do you?

Not with a clean record, no.

- I get stopped every time. - What, you?

An inopportune fellatio at the '79 Royal Winter Fair.

I've been persona non-bloody-grata ever since.

There's a lesson in that!

Well, everyone's gathered for the return of the fallen.

- A pint says we lose another day. - They wouldn't send us back home again.

It's Hamlet. We do have to rehearse the damn thing.

- Honey, can I give you some advice? - Sure.

Stop it now. You're making fool out of yourself.

What? I'm just doing a sun salute.

Look. I know what you're doing.

I've seen a lot of pretty girls before you

try to become players at the festival by

blowing the star or visiting the director,

designer or whatever. It doesn't work.

Frankly, I thought you were above it.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, I do, Kate.

If you want to make a name for yourself at the festival

try being a good actress. Okay?

Sorry! Sorry.

- Sorry. - Relax, Darren's not here yet.

That doesn't surprise me.

Ellen, I want to apologise for my outburst last night.

You'll have to be more specific, there were so many outbursts.

About actors being filthy children who can't take care of themselves, blah blah blah.

Yes, that one.

I'm sorry, I was drunk.

Maria, don't worry about it.

Anyway, as it turned out, your comments were sadly prophetic.

- Yeah. - No need to apologise.

Why don't you get me a coffee, will you? Double, double.

And see if you can scranch up a couple of biscuits.

Bitch.

- I can't. - Oh, Darren, please.

I can't go in there. I can't face them.

I've lost their respect.

Darren, you're exaggerating.

They hate me. Some of them said so to my face.

They were cheering Geoffrey on.

Darren, they're actors! They're dramatic.

Richard, I'm used to being hated. That's my thing.

But I can't function as a director unless that hatred is kept in check

by a thin, calculated veneer of invulnerability.

Darren, please. We have...

And another thing.

I may have cried when I was stabbed.

They may have seen me crying.

Darren, everyone cries when they are stabbed.

There's no shame in that. Now, come on.

Okay?

If the actors attack, you know what to do.

Here he comes.

Okay, everyone.

Before you begin today I would like to say something.

The last 24 hours have been very difficult for everybody.

And I'm not here to point fingers.

However, the reputation of this festival has been tarnished.

I mean, we've gotten bad press before,

but never has it sunk to the level of ridicule.

And that is something I will not tolerate.

So, I want everyone to put this incident behind them

and to focus on the matter at hand

and to put on a good Hamlet.

Because that, after all, is what you're paid for, if I'm not mistaken.

Are there any questions?

Who are they?

Darren requested them.

They're for your own protection.

That's it.

I can't continue.

I'm not mentally prepared for Hamlet at this time.

All right, release them.

- Again? - Yes, again.

Everyone's released.

You owe me a pint, Ducky.

Crikey.

Geoffrey Tennant?

Get up, asshole. Come on!

Oh, yeah.

You would be Ellen's boy.

I'm her man, sucker!

- And so this would be an asskicking. - Damn right.

Okay. Well, I think I at least deserve to know why.

Because you've busted up our place, asshole!

- That's right. And why did I do that? - I don't know.

Some fucked-up crazy ex-boyfriend shit?

That's right! That's exactly what it was!

Fuck, man!

It's my throttle hand, too.

Can you open and close it?

- Barely. - Then it's not broken, stop whining.

- How does my eye look? - Fucked up.

I think you should know that Ellen's place getting busted up

that was an unfortunate result of me kicking another guy's ass.

Sort of like collateral damage.

- What other guy? - Darren Nichols.

He's a director and he said some disparaging things about her in rehearsals.

Disparaging?

He said some bad things. So I stabbed him.

- Get the fuck outta here. - Really. With a sword.

Okay.

So why'd you kick another guy's ass for disparaging a girl

you're not even with any more?

- Do you love Ellen? - Fuckin' right!

Well, if you feel the same way now as I did seven years ago,

then you're gonna spend the rest of your life

kicking other people's asses for her whether you're with her or not.

That's just how truly horrible life can be.

Give me a hand.

- I've got some ice in my office. - What?

For your fist and my eye.

You know what?

I did have sex with a star once.

It was in Fort McMurry and he was in a Tim Horton's commercial.

- Oh, yeah? - He was the star at our school.

I did an Arby's commercial once.

Don't ruin this for me.

- Hi. - God, Geoffrey.

I'm sorry.

There are so many things to which that pathetic apology could apply.

Well, we could start with the duel.

You mean the riot?

I was not specifically responsible for the riot.

The riot was a result of the duel.

- I'm on my way out. - Ellen.

I am making an attempt here to start the healing process.

Do you think you could at least acknowledge that?

Acknowledge the empty gesture? Sure, I'll acknowledge it.

- I don't remember Darren doing that. - Well, no.

It's very hard to punch someone in a face when you're croutched in a corner, weeping.

Your boyfriend did this. You sicced him on me.

- Yes. - Well, I like him.

He's gonna make a fine man one of these days.

- Can I come in? - No.

You know, I really didn't get a good look at the old place last night.

With all of the hullabaloo and swordplay.

Look! You repainted.

Said goodbye to the to the whimsy of the pea green livingroom.

- Get out. - What else's changed?

Still got the pig thing?

We got that in St. Jacob's, if I recall. Had to rent a truck.

What about the bed? Old ironsides still there?

Had some of the best times of my life in that bed.

- That's it, I'm calling the police. - Ellen.

I see Oliver.

Frequently.

What are you talking about?

He pops up.

When I'm distraught which is quite often lately.

Anyway, when I was in jail, without my belt and my shuelaces, I might add,

he said something.

He said that I still desire you.

And that this motivates me.

Or prevents me from doing certain

things.

This desire.

I'm paraphrasing.

My God, you are mad.

Apparently.

But not in the way that you think.

Well.

I'll... I'll go.

So, you... you...

You don't see him?

Oliver? No, Geoffrey.

I just thought, maybe because we both loved him once, that...

I don't know how these things work.

I'm sorry. For everything.

All right.

I thought I saw him once.

Last Thursday.

It was the top of the second act of the Dream.

I was on stage and I caught sight of someone in the wings.

He was staring at me and I thought...

That's Oliver.

- Chill ran down my spine. - Yeah, of course.

No, it was the look on this face.

It was so...

sad and frightened,

full of dread.

Put me off for the for the rest of the show.

I'm sure his expression wasn't a comment on your performance.

I'm sure it had something to do with being dead.

I have to go. I have an appointment.

You can take a few minutes to look around if you like.

Just lock the door when you leave.

So, is Moving Target gonna be a huge hit?

What do you think?

I think it sounds like a nice quiet little movie.

Who's gonna play Dr Jenna North?

Madonna.

Wow.

All I can say is wow.

- What about Montana Entitled? - That one's great.

It's perfect.

Is there a part for you?

Yes.

- A good one? - A great one.

I want it. But they're probably gonna give it to someone else.

- Did you have to read for it? - Eight times.

It was good, too. Best reading ever.

I loved playing the part just in the room.

I hope you get it.

They're gonna give it to someone else.

That's one of reasons why I'm here, actually.

To get some legitimacy as an actor, you know?

I know it sounds stupid, but playing a part like Hamlet even in Canada

ups your credibility in States.

What's the matter?

Okay.

Claire freaked me out in rehearsal.

She said something...

What?

She accused me of being a player by sleeping with you.

A player? She's one to talk.

Yeah. That whole cast-slut thing... It's started.

Yeah, well, fuck her.

Yeah.

It's just that if she thinks it then everybody thinks it, right?

You said you didn't care what people thought.

Well, I guess I do.

And anyway, Madonna?

You're gonna be in a movie with Madonna?

- Jesus Christ, you are a star. - She might not do it.

Oh, my God! What am I doing with you?

Come on, Kate. Don't...

Maybe I am having sex with you 'cause you're a star.

Come on. That's insulting, okay?

Kate, Claire is just... Kate!

Claire is just being a bitch.

I just have to think about this, okay?

I loved it.

I'll see you at rehearsal.

... forgone all customs of excercises,

and indeed it goes so heavily with my...

... work is man! How noble in reason,

how infinite in faculty,

in form and moving how express an 'after eight',

in action how like an angel,

in apprehension how like a god.

Hi, I'm okay now.

Darren, it's okay, I've come to do you a favour.

- A favour? - You're fired.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

I am sick of this place. I am sick of being stabbed.

I know, I know.

So, what's next for Mr Nichols?

I don't know.

I might go to Berlin. They understand me there.

Artists are embraced as heroes in Germany.

Yeah, I understand that Hitler was a fine painter.

Oh, the Tennant wit.

It's nice to see it wasn't completely vapourized by the electroshock.

So, you're closing down the Hamlet?

No, I'm gonna take it over.

Good, I hope it kills you this time.

It might.

And what the hell.

Always a hero, Geoffrey. The defender of integrity.

It's pathetic.

You know, Darren, your problem is you hate the theater.

- You always have. - I don't hate it, I pity it.

Sad little medium struggling to be heard.

More people listen to the radio than go to the theater.

And nobody listens to the radio.

- Goodbye, Darren. - Goodbye, Geoffrey.

It was fun.

Darren Nichols?

Yes?

I know the two of you are close.

I feel very uncomfortable telling you these things.

Please, May. If you think she's being unethical...

No. It hasn't gotten to that point yet.

She's conviened board meetings without telling me.

That is the extent of her duplicity.

Wait.

Are you sure she's misleading you? I mean, you could've just forgot.

You see? She's undermining my credibility!

- No, no, I meant... - She's an opportunist, Richard.

She's building a power base. But I don't know why exactly.

Has she mentioned anything to you?

No. No.

Richard... May!

- The trouble you've cost me, Geoffrey. - I know, I know.

I put my faith in you. I put my reputation on the line.

May, please. I am a turd. I know that.

But I have finally done something, something positive.

What, you're going to see a therapist?

No.

- I fired Darren Nichols. - Oh, God, no.

Jesus Christ, you can't do that! You don't have the authority.

Really? I just did. He's on his way back to the Weimar.

- Forget about him. - What about our Hamlet?

- I'll direct it. - You?

That's what you wanted in the first place, wasn't it?

That was before you went on a drunken stabbing spree.

C'mon, I barely broke his lily white skin.

May, may I?

Walk with me into the theatre, will you?

- Cast is assembled, I believe. - Fine.

Just march out of here. Leave me with this public relations nightmare.

That would be great, because apparently I'm terrible with the press.

Can you talk?

I'm glad to see you're focused, Geoffrey.

Nothing focuses the mind like the sight of the gallows.

- Wait, I can't keep up. - Oh, I'm sorry.

Geoffrey, something is happening.

Come here. Anna. Can you get May a glass of water, please?

I hate to sound dramatic,

but I think there's going to be a coup d'etas.

It's...

that American woman. Holly Day.

And I don't know who else.

I'll do what I can to hold firm and defend the integrity of the festi...

But you've laid the groundwork for the opposition, I'm afraid.

I know. I know and I'm sorry.

Go rehearse your play. Just be prepared for a rough ride.

A rough ride?

May, we've lost two weeks of rehearsal,

the new director is a certified madman

and the Hamlet is an action figure.

It's going to be a goddamn death march!

- You all right? - Yes, dear. I'm fine. Thank you.

It's been a difficult time for everyone.

- Geoffrey just fired Darren. - Oh, God.

I have such mixed feelings about that.

No. It's good. I hate him.

- Do you want an aspirin? - No, thanks.

I thought you'd be at the board meeting.

- What board meeting? - The one in the board room.

- Started at nine o'clock. - Yes.

Well, I'm on my way.

Greetings, actors!

I have news from my planet.

Darren Nichols is gone.

He has been sent packing.

You will no longer see him or his post-modern

sudo-bracktian leather-clad schoolboy buggery of a production design again.

There are some of you who will be terrified to learn

that I'm taking over direction of this play.

There are others who will be thrilled

because you know that in my production

there will be little danger of you stepping in a pile of horse shit.

But I think that there is one thing that both, the pro-Geoffrey and the anti-Geoffrey camps

can agree upon and that is, that my reason may very well

be hanging by a thread.

Well, my friends,

it is my belief that the best stuff happens just before the thread snaps.

So, take out your scripts. Let's begin.

Free reading of the play. Sitting, standing, walking,

dancing, levitating, whatever it is you wanna do.

And Maria, I imagine we're still waiting for Ellen.

I'm here.

Fantastic!

Maria, off we go.

All right then.

Hamlet. Act one, scene one.

- Enter two sentinels. - Go on.

Who's there?

Nay, answer me. Stand, and unfold yourself.

Long live the king.

- Bernardo? - He.

You come most carefully upon your hour.

'Tis now struck twelve. Get thee to bed, Francisco.

For this relief much thanks.

No, we're in this situation because of your bad judgement.

Did you not walk into the Richard Smith-Jones' office and say, and I quote,

"This whole affair is disgraceful and I can't help but take responsibility for it"?

Yes, I did say that.

And yet you expect this board to believe that this latest insult,

the impulsive firing of director, represents a step towards stability?

- It represents... - The fact is, Ms Silverstone,

if you would have bothered to attend previous three board meetings

- I was not informed! - you would know that the board

has taken steps to ensure that it will no longer have to depend on your judgement.

What does that mean exactly?

I'll state it as plainly as I can.

Effective immediately, Richard Smith-Jones will assume the new position

of the executive director of New Burbage Theatre Festival.

With full veto power over it's artistic director and answering only to this board.

- Richard knows this? - Everyone knows this except you, apparently.

I was not informed of the meetings.

Ms Silvestone, you were informed by phone and e-mail.

No, I was not!

I have been left out of the loop.

Purposefully compromised.

You have to realise what's happening here.

This is a plot.

There is some sort of conspiracy to destabilise what we have created.

I was here in the very beginning.

When there was nothing but a tent.

Okay, someone call 911.

EN synchro: namuras