Original subtitles

He's doing the rounds.

He saw the Chekov on Tuesday. He was at the Dream last night.

- No! - Yeah. There he was.

Third raw from the back. Head burried in his hands like he lost a brother in the war.

Crikey. He wouldn't recast, would he?

Not the Dream, no.

But God knows what he'll do with Oliver's Hamlet.

Play the lead himself.

- You think? - Oh, why not?

It was the play that drow him mad.

- No, really. - Seven years ago.

I saw it all with me own eyes.

Halfway through the gravedigger scene he suddenly went all quiet and pale.

- He went off? - Off his nut.

- Then he leaped. - Leaped?

Into the grave, Ducky. Into Ophelia's bloody grave.

Leaving Horatio and Laertes staring down into the hole

as if they just made a wish.

- Crikey. - Crikey indeed.

Then he went screaming out into the night, mad as a hatter.

Well, he's been to hospital. Had treatments.

- Maybe he's better. - Or maybe he's worse.

Hey up. Here she comes.

Carlsberg.

Two Carlsberg.

Crikey.

Bloody hell.

Cheer up, Hamlet

Chin up, Hamlet

Buck up, you melancholy Dane

So your uncle is a cad who murdered Dad and married Mum

That's really no excuse to be as glum as you've become

So wise up, Hamlet Rise up, Hamlet

Buck up and sing the new refrain

Your incessant monologizing fills the castle with ennui

Your antic disposition is embarrassing to see

And by the way, you sulky brat, the answer is To Be

You're driving poor Ophelia insane

So shut up, you rogue and peasant

Grow up, it's most unpleasant

Cheer up, you melancholy Dane

Slings & Arrows 1x03 Madness in Great Ones

- Hi. - Hi.

Is that Oliver?

His skull, yeah.

How did you...

Taxidermist.

Very eager to do the job.

I imagine this kind of work must be the secret dream of every taxidermist.

Okay. Couple of things.

First, put that away. In a drawer or something, please, now.

Second, Richard's not here yet, so we've pushed the meeting back to 9.15.

Is it heavy?

- You wanna hold it? - No, thank you.

Oh, come on. He would've wanted you to.

It's not heavy at all.

It's lighter without the ego.

Strange, isn't it?

You can see that it's him. Look at his teeth.

Every moller has a filling, you see that?

It's because of those horrible things he ate all the time.

Those mints. After Eight mints?

He ate boxes of those thing. He was a child, really.

Oliver.

Can I get a coffee? Black.

- Cream and sugar? - Yeah. Black.

- Hello. - Richard. Did you forget about the artistic committee meeting?

I can't come in. I'm too depressed.

Everybody's gathered for the meeting.

I can't come in. I can't come in.

Well, can you just phone in?

It won't take long, I promise. Just phone in and say

that you have a stomach virus. That's what I do when I'm depressed.

Please?

- Oh, God, alright, fine. - Thanks, Richard.

Call the boardroom in five minutes.

Final Landing's playing at the Roxie.

Jack Crew's in that.

I don't wanna see a movie.

Oh, come on. It's not every day they cancel rehearsals.

I have an idea.

Let's have an adventure.

Adventure in New Burbage? Not possible.

We could smoke some of this.

- I don't smoke pot. - Neither do I.

I got it off my stoner brother.

I thought if I smoked the joint, it would help me with Ophelia's madness.

You know, give me some sense memory to work with.

- Seriously? - What?

Well, being stoned isn't the same as being insane.

It looks similar. Stoners look like they're insane.

- No, they don't. - Yes, they do.

- No, they don't. - Yes, they do!

- No, they don't. - Oh, come on! Just get stoned with me.

I don't want to go see a movie.

Hello, everybody.

Please, excuse me for not being there in person.

I have a virus.

He can't stop going to the toilet.

Thank you, Anna.

First off, it gives me great pleasure to introduce to you

Geoffrey Tennant, the festival's new interim artistic director.

On behalf of the board of directors I just wanna say

how thrilled and delighted we are to have you here.

Welcome, Geoffrey.

Thanks.

I don't know what my duties will be exactly.

Well, that's what we're here to discuss this morning.

First of all you could take over the direction of Oliver's Hamlet.

I'm sure we'd all be thrilled if you brought your experience and your expertise to...

No.

- Sorry? - I can't do that.

I'm not mentally equipped for the task at this time.

Not mentally equipped? Is that what you said?

Yes.

Well, that's a problem.

Is there anyone else?

Hamlet is our flagship production. It would be nice if it had a director.

Sorry, Richard. But I'm tied up with the Chekov's series.

It's not a play you can just direct.

I just don't feel comfortable waltzing in on top of somebody else's production.

Well, do we know of anyone of sufficient stature

who could step in and direct our Hamlet?

Well, I think Darren Nichols is available.

What's that, Geoffrey?

Darren Nichols is an idiot.

He directed our Titus in '97. I believe it sold quite well.

- That was the one with the horse on the stage? - Yes.

It was shit.

Richard, I could call Darren Nichols and just check his availability.

Yeah, why don't you do that, Anna?

Geoffrey, I don't know quite what to do with you.

I don't want to be any trouble.

Anna, what else did Oliver had on his plate?

Well, there's the corporate workshop program.

It sounds intriguing, what is that?

We teach people to develop leadership skills

by analyzing key characters in Shakespeare.

You could look at Claudiuses crisis management techniques, for instance.

That's ridiculous. I'll do that.

Okay. Well, great.

Why don't you arrange that, Anna?

Okay, everybody. Listen, you are going to have to excuse me.

I'm sorry, but the cramps have returned.

I have to go back. I have to go back.

- I can't... I can't... - Oh, relax.

Enjoy the trip.

Oh, my god.

- What? - Your eyes...

- What? - They're like bigger. Is that possible?

- What are you talking about? - They're huge!

- You mean they're swollen? - In proportion to rest of your face.

- Shut up. - Maybe they were always that way.

You look like a Hallmark baby!

- Where are you going? - I gotta look in my eyes.

No, no, no! You can't leave me!

- You can't leave me! - You freaked me out. Now I'm gonna look in my eyes!

- Hey, Jack. - Hey.

- What's up, Jack? - I'm looking for accent tapes.

You'd think in the theatre they'll have accent tapes, but no way.

- Accent tapes? - Yeah. English, you know. For the play.

- For Hamlet. - Yeah.

You know, Hamlet is set in Denmark,

so maybe you should look for Danish accent tapes.

Man.

If they don't have English, they'll never gonna have Danish.

- Are you high? - What?

- Your eyes are huge. - Oh, my god.

- Oh, my god, are they? - Relax.

Shit! I don't normally do drugs! I don't!

Fuck. Oh, my god. Do I look like a Hallmark baby?

No, it's okay. Don't freak out.

Let's get you away from these people.

- What are you on? - Pot.

- No way, so am I! - Really?

Yeah. Let's go to the park.

Life is full of dissapointments.

What separates the man from the boy is how he deals with adversity.

Are you a man or a boy?

- I don't know. - Get out of bed, Richard!

- No! - Well, you'd better, because I'm sending a car for you.

So you'd better be packed and washed by four PM.

Wanna know why? I'm bringing you to Toronto.

You need to spend couple of days in real city.

Traffic, tall buildings and homeless people.

We're gonna go shopping, we're gonna have fabulous meal.

We're going to a show and talk about your future.

So you'd better be ready by four PM, because if you're not,

I instructed my man to wash and dress you himself.

Anna.

Do you know where may I find Richard?

He won't be coming in today.

- He's upset. - He's a bit upset.

Well, I'll call him at home.

If you're looking for Richard, he won't be in today.

Dammit! Coward.

- How could you let this happen? - Ellen.

I'm sorry, May. He's insine.

- And he hates this place. - Geoffrey is a very passionate man.

He's not equipped to be artistic director.

Not mentally equipped.

It has been seven years, Ellen. Perhaps he's reequipped himself.

God knows what Oliver would say if he knew.

God only knows.

She's right, you know. I'm not mentally equipped.

If you ask me, we could use a little madness around here.

What's on the agenda today?

Nothing. Avoiding people.

Good. Ease into the job.

Take some time to reacquaint yourself.

- Revisit the old hounds. - The old hounds.

Look, my lord.

It comes.

Oh, Jesus.

Look, with what courteous action it waves you to a more removed ground.

But do not go with it.

- Geoffrey! - Oh, no.

Welcome home.

Here you are, back at the Swan.

It's about time!

This is where you earned your stripes.

Romeo, Marc Anthony, Princ Hel.

And the other prince. Dare I speak his name?

What is happening here? You're dead!

Apparently there's an afterlife. Despite what they taught us in university.

Now, you answer me a question.

What's all this nonsense about you not being mentally equipped to take on Hamlet?

- I mean, I know you're crazy, but... - Please.

But I thought that's why you returned. To take up my mantle.

- To snatch the festival from apathy's yawning moan... - Oliver!

Or am I wrong?

Was it love's siren song that brought you crashing on this rocks?

I don't know why I'm here. I hate this fucking place.

And I don't blame you. Drove you mad, didn't it?

And it killed me.

Revenge my foul and most unnatural murder!

- Geoffrey? - Stop it!

Excuse me, Geoffrey.

Are you available to do a press thing with Basil at five?

Yeah.

Do you need some more time?

- I mean... - No. It's fine.

- Okay. We'll do it in the bar. - Good.

It's funny seeing you on that stage again.

Funny in a good way.

What is that like? I mean...

Seeing yourself up there? Doesn't that just sort of blow your mind?

Well, it's a part, right?

I'm watching it and I'm like...

Why did they use that take?

Or I remember freezing in that T-shirt because it was Vancouver in November

- and not New York in July. - Okay.

But I like to watch my movies,

cause you get to see what works with the audience, you know?

It's cool. You don't get that in theatre.

Well, no, the audience is right there. You know immediately if it's working or not.

- Yeah, but it's not the same. - No, it's better!

Yeah, but if you're checking at audience all the time, then you're not in the moment, right?

- Well... - You've done a lot more theatre than I have, but that's true, right?

Watch out. I'm huge in Japan.

So how is it exactly that you got to play Hamlet on the main stage in the festival?

They offered it to me.

Life's just fucking nuts, isn't it?

No, I'm in New Burbage!

I'm going to do their Hamlet.

Hamlet!

I know.

Life is fucking nuts, isn't it?

Thank you for doing this, Geoffrey.

It's just a little get-acquainted piece for greyherds.

Totally painless. You ready?

Geoffrey Tennant.

- Artistic director of... - Interim artistic director.

I'm really just a figurehead. I have no job responsibilities.

Interim artistic director of the New Burbage Festival.

How does it feel to return to New Burbage after seven-year absence?

It's a little disorienting.

You and Oliver Welles were famously close.

Infamously close, yes.

Would you say that your own bold directorial voice

developed in reaction to your former mentor's more

conservative style?

Well, Basil, I...

Will you be taking over direction of the festival's flagship production of Hamlet?

No.

No, it wouldn't be correct to say?

- No. Darren Nichols is directing it. - Darren Nichols?

- You hate him! - Sorry?

Basil.

I have no idea what my bold directorial voice might be.

Let me rephrase the question.

You once stormed the stage during a college production of The Tempest directed by Darren.

- You started tearing the set with your bare hands! - How would you characterize

Oliver Welles' directive style?

He set The Tempest in Nazi Germany!

There were swastikas everywhere!

Oliver Welles? I'm not aware of that production.

No, no. Darren. Darren Nichols.

- That man is an idiot. - And yet, you let him direct Hamlet. Why?

- Darren Nichols? - Stop it!

- Let's move on. - Please.

You, Geoffrey Tennant, are a coward.

Fardels!

Fardels.

So...

Would you care to comment on any other productions currently onstage at the festival?

Yes, Oliver, I would.

These great texts,

The Cherry Orchard, Midsummer Night's Dream,

they come across as television specials.

Theatre is meant to provoke. Not to anesthetize.

Well, Darren is provocative, I'll give you that.

Hail Hitler!

- Would you say... - Well, you're the one that's responsible!

- I am? - You consciously commercionalised this festival.

It became more about drawing people into the theatre

as opposed drawing them up out of their seats.

You know, that's a very good soundbite for you.

And you wanna know why this happened?

It's because you started to hate the theatre. And why?

Well, perhaps it's because of gnawing guilt of past betrayals?

And so you tried to kill it. How?

- Through commodification! - I did?

No!

Look at this hidious mug that I stole from the gift shop this morning.

Look at this. Art.

Literally art as product.

This is a crime!

Fascinating.

By the way, it was made in Malaysia.

Made no doubt by children!

And so you see, ladies and gentlemen, you are not the only victims here!

Do you think

you have enough for the greyherds?

Oh, I think we have plenty for everyone.

Thank you.

- Hi. - Hi.

That was

- ... good. - Good.

Why don't you go home and get some rest?

These past few days have been very stressful for everyone.

- Not just for you. - You know, Anna,

sometimes your diplomacy comes off as condescension, but you're right.

- I need to unwind. - Yeah. Don't we all.

Artistic Director - Asshole

Hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

Some people are upset about the interview.

Yeah, I sense that.

It's mainly just the actors and directors and...

Well, most people, actually.

Thanks.

Just wanted to give you a heads-up.

And you have the corporate workshop at ten. You ready for that?

- No. - Okay.

Darren has arrived and we've scheduled a table reading of Hamlet for one.

- I really don't wanna do that. - You have to.

Anna, we hate each other. We actually duelled in university.

- Why would you want me to do that? - Well, three reasons.

One, Richard is away in Toronto fundraising.

So he can't do it. And two, you are the artistic director, after all.

- And three... - Darren specifically requested that I do it?

- He had us write it into his contract. - Piss-ant!

And please, don't say anything horrible like "piss-ant" when you're introducing him.

- You duelled in university? - With rapiers in quadrangle at midnight.

That's how I got this scar.

Corporate at ten.

Don't tell them that story.

We're all from Allied Acrylic.

It's a company that makes plastic products for the construction industry.

Most of us are from marketing.

Except for Terry. He's from accounting.

You're the numbers man!

Okay, yeah. Yeah.

Why are you here?

We're here to

improve management strategies and interpersonal communication skills

through an examination of key works by the great English playwright William Shakespeare.

Okay.

Before we begin, let me ask you a question.

Do any of you seriously believe

that you are gonna sell more plastics products to the construction industry by studying, say...

the crisis management techniques of Claudius,

bearing in mind that he was a scheming villain

who murdered his brother, married his sister-in-law

in order to gain control over a kingdom?

In the back?

No?

Neither do I.

So let's get rid of the curriculum

and I think we should just fuck around with some text.

Hold on!

So sorry.

It's a superstition thingie.

You're supposed to pinch understudies so that no misfortune happens to you.

To me, I mean.

That's a really stupid superstition.

- So is it true? - Is what true?

When I left you yesterday, you bumped into Jack

and spent day with the said Thespian?

- Jesus, who told you? - Everybody told me.

You're the talk of the town.

Is that all everybody does around here? They just gossip?

- Man, your eyes are huge. - Shut up!

So, he's not gay.

Apparently not. I owe you a pint.

I'm not late.

I'm not.

Sorry!

Okay. Everyone settle, please.

Geoffrey.

Geoffrey! Can you just...

Sorry. Welcome, everybody.

I've been asked or...

required, really, to introduce your director to you.

You're very fortunate to have him.

You will find many of his ideas are very interesting.

Darren Nichols.

Thank you, Geoffrey.

Brevity is always appreciated, if for nothing else, for it's sheer novelty.

Hello, everyone.

I am Darren Nichols, deal with that.

All right.

Re: Hamlet.

Hamlet.

This play is dead.

It has been dead for over three hundred years.

It has been strip-mined for quotations

and propped up like Lennon in his ice cave.

I don't worship dead texts

but that doesn't mean I don't find interest in them.

Now, as to my vision,

I'm taking the word rotten

as in "something's rotten in the state of Denmark" very seriously.

I want a rank and foul looking,

foul acted and if possible, foul smelling Hamlet,

a decomposed vessel somewhere between the swamp and the sewer.

Anyway, that's the general idea.

Questions?

Okay, let's read this corpse!

Look, I don't need any more ties.

Yes, you do. Your ties are horrible.

No, they're not. They're nice.

You should have a special tie for tonight.

Look, please.

I don't wanna see a show.

My whole life is shows.

- Okay, what show? - Mamma Mia, two tickets, first row balcony.

I like this one.

And for your part, Ophelia,

I do wish that your good beauties

be the happy cause of Hamlet's wildness.

So shall I hope your virtues

will bring him to his wonted way again, to both your honours.

Madam, I wish it may.

Enter Hamlet.

Here it comes. The big one.

To be, or not to be.

That is the question.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the stings and arr...

Sorry.

The slings and arr...

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and...

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

or to take arms against a sea of troubles

and by opposing end them?

Well, he's Darren's problem, isn't he?

There's a daisy.

I would give you some violets.

But they withered all when my father died.

They say he made a good end.

For bonny sweet Robin is all my joy.

Maybe I'm in hell.

This is what I always imagined it would be like.

Stifling eternal. The air filled with the shrieks of the damned.

Go to thy death-bed.

She's hard to get rid of, that one.

Some boardmember's evil niece, I believe.

She's not your problem, is she?

None of this is your problem.

You're just an interim artistic director. A figurehead.

- Isn't that what you... - Oh, for the love of god, will you shut up?

Five minutes, everyone.

Geoffrey, I see you've added turrets to your litany of mental complaints.

Darren, listen, I fully expect you to crush this play

with your porkfist of theatrics and I'm all right with that.

But if you are planning on using a horse,

do us a favour and stick it in front of her, would ya?

- Yes! Yes! - Fantastic!

Yes, that was fantastic! Oh, my... Man! The dancing and the singing!

- I listened to every word! - I know.

I swear to God, it gets better every time.

Thank you.

This goes to show you gotta keep things in perspective, you know?

I saw Chorus Line when I was 16 on Broadway.

I was blown away. You know, I cried.

I loved that show.

It's what made me wanna go to the theatre.

I used to listen to all those albums, you know.

Damn Yankees. Kiss Me, Kate.

My parents thought I was gay.

How the hell did I end up in New Burbage?

How did that even happen?

Do not torture yourself. Come on, let's go for a drink.

- You know what they are? Pure entertainment. - That's right!

I'm so sick of hearing it's a dense play. Or "It's a difficult play".

I've never seen anyone come dancing and singing out of Swan like we just did.

I know! And why do you think that is?

Cause Shakespeare! Shakespeare is like...

- Four hundred years old! - And I don't even think he's that good.

There, I said it.

I mean, you know, in entertaining people.

And I'm not saying ABBA were better writers...

No, no. I know what you mean.

- I don't like Shakespeare. - Nobody does, Richard!

That's the thing.

You put on plays that nobody wants to see.

God, what a waste.

You're right.

You're right.

You know what? I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

Over the past five years I have been working with a group of people,

mostly lawyers and musicians,

on developing a musical

based on the life of John Lennon.

- No! - We are this close to securing the rights.

I've already spoken to Yoko.

Ono?

Oh, my God. My God, that could be huge!

- Yeah. - It's got everything. It's got romance, music.

- Murder in New York City. - I know!

Oh, God, Richard. There is so much I wanna tell you.

About my vision of the future.

Your future.

Let's go back to my condo.

I'm gonna blow your mind.

Okay.

He wants me to smell myself. That's what he said.

Maybe it's a hint, Ducky.

Typical Darren. Everything has to be so outrageous.

I'll never forget been stepped on by that horse.

Geoffrey isn't a fan, I understand.

- Oh, Geoffrey hates Darren. - He hates everything.

Did you hear what he said about Cherry Orchard last night?

- Dreadful things. - He made that young one cry.

- Little Edward. - Excuse me.

- You can't drink here. - Oh, hello, Ellen.

Where's your boyfriend? Cub Scout meeting?

You're upsetting everyone.

You know, I remember a day when the actors would've been thrilled

to have the artistic director joined them at the bar.

You go around slandering everyone and expect them to buy you a drink?

Well, some people welcome criticism.

In fact, some of them believe that the integrity of this festival

has been undermined by the complacency of the old guard.

That would be you.

Everyone! Yuhoo!

Drinks at my place for anyone who's uncomfortable here.

Just a short drink.

Where do you live?

23 Glandon Road. Just off Trinity.

Yellowish-gold Tudors cottagey style.

Just follow me. Now! Come. Now.

Oh, God. Sorry. I mean... Just the Hamlet people.

I don't have enough liquor. Sorry!

Come.

I also remember time when this place was all about getting laid.

We could buy up the town of New Burbage.

Cosmopolitan Lenstrex is on board so the startup shouldn't be a problem.

We could expand the festival out of town. Make it sort of theatrical theme park, right?

And exhibits. And big budget musicals like Mamma Mia.

Can you imagine? Come here!

We'll make millions!

You know where I got the idea for this, Richard?

From you. Yeah.

From your silly gift shop.

Imagine if the whole town was a gift shop.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Oh, make me rich, baby!

Okay, that's good. But...

What you're talking about here is loss.

Catastrophic, gnawing absence.

Your wife has died and

what does this really mean?

When I think

human beings, all human beings

are by nature selfish and so when we mourn,

we're actually mourning part of ourselves that has died.

You have now lost the person that defined you.

And so in a sense you have lost your identity.

Who are you now without her?

And you are uncomfortable inside your own skin.

You have become a stranger even to yourself.

Okay?

Queen, my lord, is dead.

She should have died hereafter.

There would have been a time for such a word.

To-morrow,

and to-morrow,

and to-morrow creeps in this

petty pace from day to day,

to the last syllable

of recorded time.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

the way to dusty death.

Out, out, brief candle!

Life's but a walking shadow,

a poor player

that struts and frets his hour upon the stage

and then is heard no more.

It is a tale told by an idiot,

full of sound and fury,

signifying nothing.

Very nice.

Okay.

Let's call it a day.

Those of you who don't have a really long commute,

you're welcome to join us at the theatre bar.

And first drink, Terry, is on me.

Thank you. Thanks.

Thanks.

You were great. Really, really great.

Fuck, I love this.

Ghost! Step forward.

And Horatio!

- Look, my lord... - And then the flames shoot up with pyrotechnics here,

here,

here and here!

So look out, people, or you'll be burned alive.

Then Hamlet! You see your dead father risen from the grave

and we fly him into here!

And he hovers!

Now, go.

Angels and ministers of grace defend...

Blah, blah, blah. Maria, what I want here is darkness.

No light. Just flames.

We'll need to went, but we can do that.

Excellent! Now, Marcellus and Horatio.

You must stay close to your horses.

Because horses don't like fire.

We learned that the hard way, didn't we, Ellen?

I had no idea that theatre was so much like the movies.

Gertrude is past her prime.

Her hair is graying.

Her tits are sagging. I want to see her age.

And with Ellen that shouldn't be a problem.

Sorry, darling. Bad dye job, roots are showing.

I don't want to see any wigs. No wigs!

I want yellow teeth and hairy legs.

You inspire.

You have vision.

You mine the human soul for truth.

Oh, God!

It's a gift.

And yet, you're waste it on accountants and middle managers.

Shame, shame.

What is wrong with me?

Darren, it's five.

Fucking unions! That's it, children.

See you tomorrow.

Everyone, remember? Drinks at my place tonight.

All are welcome.

Except Geoffrey.

She never spoke to me before. Just like a...

"Can I get my vacation pay now

or do I have to wait to the end of the fiscal year" kinda thing.

Well, you can act.

That's a turn-on.

Yes, it is!

Yes, it is!

Why don't you act anymore?

Well, Terry, I had a nervous breakdown on the stage.

- Ouch! - And I can never return.

It's too humiliating to return.

- Geoff, you gotta get back on that horse. - No.

You gotta get back on that horse or you'll never get on a horse again.

I don't wanna get on a horse again.

I'd rather direct.

Well, you're a good director.

I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about, but..

You know, there is one thing about acting that I miss.

What?

I was in love with an actress.

Beautiful, talented actress

and when we were together on the stage,

it was like

It was like having sex in public.

I love that.

And I have never felt this close to anyone.

We played all the great love scenes and we meant it.

People would stand and they'd cheer

and they would throw flowers

and then we would go home and we would make love and that...

I miss that.

Because life cannot compete with that.

I can't compete with that.

Come on.

I need you to be my second.

Okay.

What's a second?

And he said, he said,

'I could go out tilting at windmills' and I said

'Oh really, could you, my friend' and he said 'yes',

'show me', and this is right in the dressing room, mind you,

so there he did it, and I said

'you sir, are no Peter O'Toole, put it back in your pants, darling'.

- He does go on, doesn't he? - He was born talking, Ducky.

"A funny thing happened to me on the way out of the womb," he said

as the doctor slapped his little butt.

Sorry! Excuse me.

Sorry, not the sideboard.

Okay, I just... I have to ask you.

- Have you gone out with supermodels? - Not supermodels.

- Models? - Yeah.

But no supermodels, I swear.

Well, one supermodel, but she was just a regural model when I was going out with her.

Was she beautiful?

No.

She was one of those ugly models.

She modelled like bandages and farm clothes and stuff.

Do you wanna sneak out for a walk or something?

Yeah, sure.

It's really warm out.

I know where we can go.

- Terry. - Yeah?

Bring the weaponry.

Coming!

What are we doing here?

Geoff! Wait!

What noise is this?

Oh, my God!

There's the villain.

- Terry. - Yeah? - Give him his rapier.

Hi.

What kind of game is this, Geoffrey?

You are a pompous fool.

You have no respect for the stage of no business working in the theater.

You slaughter the text.

You fill the stage with animals!

You...

You're just an all-round goof.

- Take up your weapon! - Not again.

Terry, clear the killing field!

Buttons off!

Geoffrey, what the hell are you doing?

I don't want to fight you, Geoffrey.

If it be now, 'tis not to come.

If it be not to come, it will be now.

If it be not now, yet it will come.

The readiness is all!

And you call me pompous.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

- I'm calling the police! - Kill the ass-hole!

Actors, not horses!

Smell your own armpits!

Run for your lives!

Actors!

You're all the same!

You're all a bunch

of selfish, filthy, whiny children!

Well, fuck you all!

Fuck off, you fuckers!

Guess I'd better call the cab, it's...

I'm going to kill you.

Get him!

Go ahead.

It's good.

Very nice.

EN synchro: namuras