Original subtitles

Hydro: 284.63.

Yeah, we have to pay that.

- Rent, of course. - After we open.

I�ve told them a thousand times...

- Bell telephone. - No, not Bell.

- They'll disconnect our phones again. - Good.

All they do is ring anyway, you pick them up, it�s people wanting money.

I can't run a theater without a telephone, Geoffrey.

There were no phones in Ancient Greece and their theaters did very well.

You're not taking this very seriously, Geoffrey, we're hanging by a thread.

And the very best things happen just before the thread snaps.

I thought you would've learned that by now.

Case in point: I just fixed the toilet!

- You're a genius, Geoffrey. - Break's over.

We're back.

Good news. I have fixed the toilet.

And as a reward to myself, I would like to run the storm.

- What do you think, Andy? - Go for it, man.

"Go for it, man!"

These are the words a director likes to hear.

Andy has been working on the lights now for three days and three nights.

He assures me there will not be another fire.

Andy.

The storm, please.

Now Cheryl seems to believe that a theater needs phones.

I disagree.

A theater is an empty space.

And as per the 400 year old stage direction,

we begin with a tempestuous noise of thunder and lightning!

It is a storm of color and sound.

A dense, unnatural storm.

And we see it in glimpses and flashes, as Miranda would have seen it.

We see fragments of the horror and our minds provide the details.

We see the crew struggling to save the ship.

Alonso, Sebastian, Antonio run below deck.

"Let us all sink with our King!" Antonio cries.

The bosun calls out: "Take to the topsail. Lay her a-hold!"

But the ship is torn apart by Prospero's magic.

The mechanism of his revenge is set in motion.

We're split, we're split! Farewell my wife and children.

All lost. All lost!

The lights churn and swell like the sea!

Ah, nuts.

Take five, everybody.

Cheer up, Hamlet

Chin up, Hamlet

Buck up, you melancholy Dane

So your uncle is a cad who murdered Dad and married Mum

That's really no excuse to be as glum as you've become

So wise up, Hamlet Rise up, Hamlet

Buck up and sing the new refrain

Your incessant monologizing fills the castle with ennui

Your antic disposition is embarrassing to see

And by the way, you sulky brat, the answer is To Be

You're driving poor Ophelia insane

So shut up, you rogue and peasant

Grow up, it's most unpleasant

Cheer up, you melancholy Dane

Rehearsal in progress Quiet, please

Ah, crikey.

How long can a man stare at sheep?

If he's a shepherd, there's no telling.

Really, Cyril, there's gobs of work to be done.

I know, Ducky.

I know what it is. I can't hear anything.

We oiled the casters this morning, no more squeaks.

I'm not talking about squeaks, I'm talking about bleats.

- You do want the bleats? - Of course I do!

What's the point with having sheep if there's no bleating?

- Where's the charm in that? - I... thought that...

Without the bleats, there's no irony, Maria.

- Any fool knows that. - I'll cue up the bleats.

Yes, cue up the bleats, for God's sake. Honestly.

There you are. Now that's comedy.

Thank you, Maria, you've just saved our fourth act.

Oliver!

The forgeries of jealousy?

Yes?

Sorry, everyone.

Sorry, you promised you would re-block it weeks ago.

Weeks ago you promised.

Yes, I do have some other notes from last night's preview.

My back is to the audience, for the love of God.

I'm not being unreasonable.

I'm not saying I'm the most important person here

but arguably, at that moment,

Act 2, Scene 1, the forgeries of jealousy,

I am the most important character on the stage

and I can't be seen by the audience!

She's always like this.

She can't make it through a rehearsal without throwing a tantrum.

It's on the list, darling. I promise you.

Fine.

Sorry, everyone. Sorry for caring.

- But her back is to the audience. - What next, what next?

- Kate. - Yes.

Oliver.

Are you free?

I'm doing notes.

Can I get you for an hour? It's about the seating plans for tonight.

An hour?

By the way, great feedback on the previews, everybody.

Break a leg tonight.

Oliver, we'll use your office?

Well, we are in good shape, really.

Maria, let's do a line run and let them go home early, shall we?

We'll begin with the forgeries of jealousy for Ellen's sake.

- Damn you. - OK, everybody.

Gather for a line run.

Hey, are your parents coming tonight?

Lisa in a playhouse? Not a chance.

But do you know who is coming?

- My high school drama teacher. - You're kidding.

I nearly freaked when I heard his message.

I mean, all the girls were in love with him.

He used to wear these black turtlenecks and give massages and talk about Brecht.

Take my advice, thank him for coming and dump him.

You can't schmooze with him hanging around your neck.

And light up.

These are the forgeries of jealousy

and ever since the middle summers

spring met we on hill, in dale, forest or mead...

What is the problem with the seating plan?

Well, it's not done yet.

It's as done as it can be, isn't it? What does he expect?

And then there's the wine.

- It hasn't arrived yet? - Not yet.

How long can it take?

I can see the vineyard from my office window, for God sake.

Apparently they're having trouble tracking down enough of the 99 Chardonnay.

Tell them I'll accept the 98 Sauvignon-Blanc,

but don't let them sell you on that dreadful Riesling

they served at the press launch.

It was like drinking chilled German urine.

Right.

There was a time I could actually rehearse the actors on the final day of rehearsal.

- Yes? - Jack Crew's agent on 1.

Thank you, Anna. Gary!

Mr. Glickman will be right with you.

Can I...

Every time he calls, I'm put on hold.

Every single time.

Do the phones work differently in LA, is that it?

Are you forced to make two calls at once?

I need six more for Lenstrex.

Six more? This is getting ridiculous. There's no room.

We have to make room. They're our major corporate sponsor.

And we're very grateful.

They're in the lobby, they're on the program,

they're on the back of the tickets.

- Oliver. - We're sold out.

Who's this?

Actors.

Michael Gerning, wife and child.

Trevor McKinnon, wife and mother.

Actors?

Actors do attend the theater every now and then, Richard.

They've been in the company for over twenty years between them,

but there was nothing for them this season.

It was a gesture, you know.

- Bump them. - You don't understand.

I've directed them in the Dream three or four times.

Trevor, he was my Bottom for years.

And they can have tickets for any other performance. Bump them.

- No. - No? - Still holding?

Yes, I am!

- You don't understand, Richard. - No, you don't understand, Oliver.

We cannot afford to alienate our leading corporate sponsor

just because you're feeling sentimental.

Well, someone is going to get alienated.

And I would prefer that it were Fred from accounting and his prostitute companion

than two men who have devoted their lives to this theater.

I have to go. To Lenstrex, actually.

They're having some sort of crisis.

Look, Oliver. Find me some seats, please.

And you know, I wish you would think of this place as a place of business,

because that's what it is, you know. It's a business.

Oliver. How the fuck are you?

Fine, Gary. Yeah.

When's Jack arriving, exactly?

Wonderful. We're all very excited.

I'll have a car meet him at the airport. What was the flight number again?

The Chardonnay has arrived.

Excellent. Bring me a bottle, would you?

Get your hands off me.

David will be with you in a minute.

Can I get you anything? Coffee? Juice?

Juice would be great.

Catherine, why have I been called here today?

Would you like apple, orange, or grapefruit?

Orange. Please.

Security to the right stairwell. Exit 7.

Sorry to keep you waiting, Richard.

- David. How are you? - Good. Good.

- Well, I can't stay. - What?

- Lenstrex is going through some changes. - Yeah, I saw...

Ms. Day here is from our new head office in Houston.

She'll be assuming my responsibilities.

Hi. Holly Day.

Don't bother making any jokes, I've heard them all before.

Richard Smith-Jones. David, I...

I have a thing I have to attend to. Goodbye, Richard.

It's been a real pleasure working with you.

She's the devil.

Bye, David.

He's just gonna love Anchorage.

- Ms Day? - Holly.

David and I have been working together for quite some time now.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Three years.

I've been through his files.

Then you also know about the 8.3% increase in our audience attendance?

The inclusion of more modern language plays?

This year we have Jack Crew playing Hamlet.

He's a major American star.

And David has been instrumental in...

Yeah, yeah, David was a wonderful man.

Ms Day, I have to tell you

that the festival absolutely depends on the financial support of Lenstrex corporation...

It's Cosmopolitan-Lenstrex now.

Richard, please, I'm a friend!

Come on, sit down.

I am interested in New Burbage. Very interested.

In fact, I called you here today

to discuss increasing our level of sponsorship.

Seriously?

You have a show opening tonight?

Yes, Midsummer's Night's Dream.

- Midsummer Night's Dream. - Good.

I'd love to see it, is there a seat available?

- Well, David's, I suppose. - Great.

I wonder if I might also go as your date?

You know, give us a chance to chat.

Of course.

I'm sorry if I appeared a little defensive just now.

Please, you're not the first, believe me.

People are frightened by change, but personally, I've never understood that.

I mean, change and opportunity are sort of the same thing, really.

- Don't you think? - Oh, yeah.

Eviction Notice

I know we're behind with the rent.

Two months, two months you have not paid.

I ask you many times. You must leave, sorry!

After this show opens, we will pay you from the box office.

No, no one comes to see shows here.

Never. You leave building, or I send for police. Thank you.

Hi.

No! I do not want any trouble!

You are crazy! Please.

- He's not crazy. - Not anymore.

You attacked me with a knife!

That was a prop.

- You attacked him? - I took two steps toward him,

but I immediately apologized.

Geoffrey, he's evicting us.

You owe two months.

I am not a bad man. I have a family.

Get out! Thank you!

We're opening a new play and we will pay you from the box office receipts.

No one comes to see shows here.

All right. Fine.

I will pay you out of my own personal account.

Two months rent, plus one month in advance

is twelve thousand six hundred dollars.

And here you are!

This ought to keep your family quiet.

- This check is good? - Of course the check is good!

Why would I give you a bad check?

If check is bad, I send for police! Thank you!

I have never bounced a check in my life!

If check is bad, I send police!

- Check's bad, isn't it? - Of course.

God, why do you do these things?

The police are gonna come and shut us down.

Your little thread can't take much more, can it?

Don't bother to cover up, I'm gay.

I just wanted to say 'break a leg' to you all.

Relax, find your light, say the right lines in the proper order,

and everything will be fine.

Remember what Sir Ralph used to say:

"Acting is merely the art of keeping a large group of people from coughing."

Good show.

Don't bother to cover up, I'm old.

Just want to say good show, break a leg and all that.

Just find your light, say your lines, and if you get nervous,

remember what Sir Ralph Richardson said:

"Acting is merely the art of keeping a large number of people from coughing."

Good show.

- Mr. Wells. - Oliver. Have a good show.

I think you... wait... You had a note for me.

- A note? - Yes.

This afternoon in rehearsal?

You had a note, but you were called away.

- Your entrance in Act 3. - Yes?

It's good.

You are saying "And I" in a consistently funny way.

Keep it up. That was it.

Mr. Wells, I've been meaning to tell you something.

I saw your Hamlet with Geoffrey Tennant.

I was twelve, it was so great.

I'm sorry, everyone says I shouldn't mention it.

- No, you shouldn't. - 15 minutes to the top of the show.

- Sorry. - 15 minutes.

- Break a leg. - Thank you.

Another one, eh, Ellen?

You're sixth Titania, if I'm not mistaken.

It's my tenth Dream, you know.

Number ten.

Bit of a nightmare, if you ask me.

Just making the rounds, settling the butterflies.

Still using Sir Ralph, I'm afraid.

You'd think I'd have some witty remark of my own to share after all these years,

but no, I do not.

You know, young Kate stopped me in the hall...

Put that down.

Such a long time ago.

And look at my hair.

It's all so ridiculous.

Forgeries of jealousy.

What?

I begged you to re-block it. You did not.

And tonight I will perform it and no one will see me or hear me.

They'll see the sheep

and they'll hear the fucking bleats loud and clear.

You're overreacting, Ellen. You're obsessing on a detail.

When did you stop caring about the details, Oliver?

Dream number five?

Well, I'm sorry, but I still fucking care about them

because I'm fucking one of them.

Oliver, the minister's pulling up.

The minister, yes. Excuse me, Ellen.

Have a good show. See you at the bar.

Knock!

Sorry.

Come in. Sorry, nerves.

- Welcome, Madam Minister. - Hello, Oliver.

My husband was able to come after all.

- Can you squeeze him in? - Of course.

- So glad you could come. - The bar?

Well, it's just over there. We do have champagne...

That's Oliver Wells with the Minister of Culture.

- OK, he's the Artistic Director? - Yeah.

So you're the General Manager.

He's the artist, you're the businessman.

Well, I advise Oliver, yes.

Is this a local wine?

Yeah, do you like it?

Very nice. Amazing that grapes can grow this far north, isn't it?

Two minutes, Ellen.

Maria? Maria!

- "I pray thee gentle mortals, sing again," stage left? - Yes.

- "Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful," center? - Yeah.

- "Hops", left again. - No, upstage to the tree.

To the tree, to the tree, shit!

- The tree. Shit! - Two minutes!

We have two minutes!

Sorry. Sorry. Good show.

Good show!

I do entreat your Grace to pardon me.

I know not by what power I am made bold.

I know how it may concern my modesty and presence here to please my thoughts,

but I beseech your Grace...

Damn quiet house.

There's no excuse for a quiet house on opening.

They didn't pay for their tickets.

They could at least do us the courtesy of forcing a laugh.

Didst thou not lead him through the glimmering night

From Perigenia, whom he ravished?

And make him with fair Aegle break his faith,

With Ariadne and Antiopa?

These are the forgeries of jealousy

- I can't hear her. - What'd she say?

Cue the stupid bleats.

It's dreadful, isn't it?

The production values are very high.

Very diplomatic of you, Nahum.

Oh, God.

There's not one moment of truth in this whole production.

Truth can be a very dangerous thing.

Before I left Nigeria,

I directed a production of Kensal River's The Wheel,

which was perhaps too openly critical of the Abacha regime.

How did it go over?

The soldiers came and burnt our sets

and beat the actors with sticks.

Thanks for the perspective.

Switch to the hockey game, would you?

Wait. Turn it back, switch back to the news.

Geoffrey Tennant is not a criminal.

It's just that he refuses to play their game.

No corporate sponsorships. No government grants.

The real criminals are the people who are shutting us down!

Sir, can you tell us why it is you're closing the theater?

I am not a bad person. He is crazy.

He writes bad checks. I have a family. Thank you!

But sir, the man says he's willing to do anything he can

to keep this theater open. Would you care to respond to that?

No one comes to shows here.

Geoffrey Tennant is best known for an incident

that happened seven years ago,

when he suffered a mental breakdown

during a performance of Hamlet at the New Burbage Festival.

It signaled the end of his acting career.

Madman or martyr, what is clear is

the artistic community is embracing Geoffrey Tennant

as a hero of Shakespearean proportions.

My God. Now that's theater.

Reminds me of home.

If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended:

That you have but slumbered here, while these visions did appear.

Here's to another twenty-five years of the festival.

I can't think of what part I'd play in 25 years, maybe one of the witches.

Nonsense.

The passing years have been more than kind to you, my dear.

- Thank you. - It was...

Well, let me just say. You're getting boring.

Because you are never less than perfection.

And as for the production itself, well, you have two choices.

You can buy a paper in the morning or buy me a drink this evening.

Hello, Basy, can't talk now.

Everyone! Wonderful job! Well done!

The buzz is really good! See you all at the bar.

Oh, and to all the new players, this is Basil.

Avoid him at all costs.

You'll get a good review from me, don't worry, Oliver.

Thank you, Basil.

You've got a style that, with age, I've grown to love.

You don't make demands of the audience, you soothe them.

Your shows are comfortable, like an old boot.

Thank you.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the phrase "old boot" in your review.

Well done.

- I felt I really discovered Puck tonight. - You're great.

It's the audience.

When you do a comedy, the audience does half the work for you.

What?

- He's here. - Who?

My high school drama teacher, Mr. Stewart.

All the girls had a thing for him?

I'd hate to see what your gym teacher looked like.

- Mr. Stewart! Hi! - Kate!

I can't believe you actually came.

- Your debut, how could I miss it? - Thank you.

- This is Claire Donner. - Hi.

- Puck. Pace, pace, pace. - I'm sorry?

You were marvelous, I'm so proud of you.

Well, Moth is just a small part.

Who cares, look where we are!

The New Burbage Festival.

I've waited twenty years for one of my students to get here.

And you did it. Kate. We made it!

Oh, God, the dressing rooms.

I'm gonna catch up with you later, OK?

He just... He has this thing about pace.

- I thought you were great. - Whatever.

It's the direction.

See, Oliver isn't saying anything, he's just putting on a show.

I've seen the show many, many times.

And when I say that, I don't mean the Dream,

I mean this show.

Lou, another dreadful Riesling.

And one for yourself.

Lord.

Time for the speeches.

There's May Silverstone,

dragging her rotting carcass to the microphone.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if I might have your attention for a moment.

Well, I see that we're all still abuzz

from the wonderful production that we've just seen.

What a delightful, delightful beginning to our forty-fourth season.

Thank you.

It now gives me great pleasure

to introduce the man responsible for this evening.

And I don't mean Mr. Shakespeare.

I am referring, of course,

to our Artistic Director, Mr. Oliver Wells.

Thank you, May.

Since William is indisposed, I'll say a few words.

I've directed many plays here, during my time,

and this particular staging of the Dream was a dream to stage.

You see, he's just going through the motions.

I know, Basil, I know.

But I must single out one party for their invaluable contribution.

I'm referring of course to the good people of Lenstrex.

And specifically Mr. Donald Compasano.

Compasani, sorry.

Vice-President of Customer Care, Western Ontario Region.

Donald?

Can you tear yourself away from the fairies for a moment and step up here?

On behalf of the Board of Directors of the New Burbage Festival,

I'd like to present you with this leather-bound, Riverside edition

of the works of Mr. Shakespeare.

Signed by everyone, except the author, of course.

That's the future of this festival, right there.

Sweaty middle managers soiling the works of Shakespeare.

Shut up, Basil.

... proud tradition of supporting arts-skewed,

commercial ventures like this.

I believe it was the immortal Bard who said,

"Life is a tale, told by an idiot."

"Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

Well, we at Cosmopolitan- Lenstrex disagree.

Life, anyone's life, regardless of race...

Well, I must find a new Vice-President of Customer Care, mustn't I?

Guess so.

So tell me about the new gift shop expansion.

Well, it was like pulling teeth to get them to do anything.

I mean, do you know, when I showed up at this festival,

they had a table over there with four t-shirts on it.

All smalls. Four pathetic t-shirts.

- Oh, my God. - Now, 81% of the people

that come to this festival go through that store and 41% of them

buy between twenty and thirty dollars worth of merchandise each.

But has anyone every thanked you for the added revenue?

No. Not once. Never. No.

- Typical. - Yeah.

OK? I mean, they don't want to think of this as a business,

- but, OK? Hello? - Hello!

- It is a business. - It's a business. Exactly.

I don't know where they think they get the money to pay the bills from,

I mean, maybe it's from the fairies.

- You're funny, Richard. - Thank you.

Well, Richard, I appreciate you.

Can I get you a better glass of wine?

- Yes, but if you could only... - Import it?

- Yes. - Thought so.

Yeah, that local shit knocks me flat.

- Be right back. - OK.

This feels... unbelievable.

I know, I still get shivers.

Me too. I'm getting them right now.

Mr. Stewart?

Kate.

I could do this, couldn't I?

Do what?

I could be an actor here.

Why would you want to do that?

I mean, you're just such a wonderful teacher.

Teacher?

They kept me away from here, pimply little shits!

They don't care about the theater and I don't care about them!

Do you know how I cast now?

Tallest one's Romeo and the one with the biggest tits is Juliet.

Who cares?

You are drunk.

Not quite enough.

Let's go.

- Where? - To where all actors go after the reception: to the bar.

Richard Burton, Oliver Reed,

Richard Harris, Peter O'Toole, they're all drunks.

But how could you not drink?

How could you face the real world sober,

after you've achieved perfection on the stage?

Here, here.

Richard Burton.

Imagine saying to Elizabeth Taylor,

"I'm sorry, but this relationship is just not working for me."

Elizabeth Taylor!

Reality must've been so incredibly dull for him.

I saw his Hamlet, you know?

1964. God, it was good.

- 66. - Excuse me?

Burton's Hamlet was 66.

64, I believe.

John Gielman directed.

Burton's was the definitive Hamlet.

No one's done it since, as far as I'm concerned.

Well, except...

Where's Lou with the booze?

He's been gone for hours. I think he left with Ellen.

Poor Ellen.

She's trying to screw the years off.

I have to go piss.

God, he is ruining this night for me.

It's so embarrassing.

Leave it to me. Mr. Stewart?

You've been so kind toward Kate here.

Massaging away her fears, setting her on the right track.

On behalf of the Festival, I'd like to thank you.

Cheers!

Would you like to become an unofficial member of the company?

Huzzah!

Well, it's a very special honor we reserve for very dear friends.

However, there is a bit of a ritual, though.

Oh, I love rituals. Rituals are great.

OK.

First, you must drink all the dregs from every glass in the bar,

and then your own. Are you up for it?

Just try and stop me.

He'll be out in ten minutes.

You are evil.

Thank you.

He actually chained himself to the theater doors.

I didn't think that kind of thing actually happened.

It doesn't happen, the guy's crazy, right? He did the Hamlet.

- The Hamlet? - Back in the glory days.

- God, those days are long gone. - Oh, God.

Seriously, I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was slapping myself.

It's Oliver. That guy's a hundred years old.

- The walls have ears. - Come on.

He's old and old people are boring.

It's just the way it is. They get too excited, they drop dead.

Shut up.

We're gonna go track down something to eat, do you wanna come?

- No, I'm fine. - OK.

See you tomorrow.

I just wanted to thank you for everything.

I know you've been through this a million times, but for me it's...

Well, thank you.

Congratulations.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the show.

It was magical.

Geoffrey Tennant is not a criminal.

God, I'm so fat.

Why didn't you tell me I was that fat?

The camera puts on ten pounds.

What about the other twenty-five?

That's a life-style thing.

These people are gonna throw up all over my furniture.

Why are they so happy anyway? We just lost the theater.

Are you kidding?

You made them heroes, they love you!

I love you!

Easy now.

Is it because I'm fat?

No, it's because you're drunk.

I better get that.

Hello.

Did you know there are three Geoffrey Tennants in Shropshire?

Apparently one of them is Jamaican.

The other is eleven.

And then there's you.

It's Oliver, if you haven't already guessed.

A ghost from the past.

I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.

Chaining yourself to a condemned building.

To defend the right of the insane to put on shows

that no one will ever see.

Shit.

Have mercy.

I know you hate me.

If you could see me now, you'd be happy.

I'm pathetic. I am.

Pathetic and miserable.

I'm a failure. You're a failure.

Shit, shit, shit.

Hello?

Mr. Popularity.

Why won't anyone talk to me?

Ellen can't even look in my direction.

How is Ellen?

She hates me.

She hates you. She hates herself.

She's getting old. She's playing Gertrude.

I'm sorry, I won't mention that play.

Don't hang up.

How are you?

Look, I heard about your mother.

She's in a better place.

God, you were so good.

Incandescent.

Why did you leave?

Why did I leave?

It can't be because of that thing with Ellen.

We believed, remember, that greatness came with a price.

That Hamlet that I brought out in you, it was...

It was definitive.

The Hamlet that you...?

It was a crime that you only gave three performances.

What a sin.

- It was only a play. - Only a play?

Mr. Chain-himself-to-a-warehouse.

Everything I ever do

will be compared to those three performances!

You ruined my life.

I ruined your life?

You destroyed mine, you�

You want to know why no one will speak to you?

I'll tell you.

It's not that you've ruined the Festival, although you have done that.

And it's not just because you're a sellout.

You want to know why no one will speak to you?

You want to know why Ellen cannot stand the sight of you?

I'll tell you, so I do not have to think of you ever again.

So that you will be erased from my memory.

It's because...

Quiet, quiet, quiet,

quiet, quiet, quiet.

There's one left, one I haven't,

one final thank you

and that is to the author!

Be careful.

It's all safe.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

I'm getting too old for all these beatle antics.

Jesus, I have never felt anything like this in my life,

I have never felt anything even remotely like this feeling.

Bravo, Geoff. Bravo.

You were fucking incredible tonight.

You broke my heart.

And not just mine, I mean, everybody's.

Did you hear them? They were sobbing.

Did you hear that woman? The one in the second row?

On the left, there.

She was wailing, like, like she'd lost her child.

But listen, listen, listen, this is the thing.

We've got to make it exactly like this, every night.

Every single night, exactly like this.

And how are we going to do that?

Aye, there's the rub. Because anything else...

Is just shit. You see what you may have done?

You may have made for us a hell.

A very well-lit hell, if I do say so myself.

- So be it. - I want to do it again.

Right now.

And by heaven, I will make a ghost of him that lets me.

I love you, Geoffrey.

Oh, my Ophelia.

I want to feel you.

And I love you both very much.

More than I love myself, which is saying a lot.

I love you, Oliver.

Let's make a baby.

- What? - What? - Not you. You.

And you know what I mean,

I mean one of those little bald people you're always fussing about at the mall.

I want to make a baby with you,

I want to make a little girl kind of baby, exactly like you.

And I...

I want to marry you, Ellen.

Because I love you.

Please, such a flagrant display of unbridled heterosexuality.

Geoffrey.

- Come on. - Is this a...

Come on. Right now.

Where are you going? Party's just starting!

We are going now to make a whole bunch of babies

and then tomorrow we are going to pick out bridesmaid's dresses.

What's your size?

Don't go!

Goodbye, Oliver!

Don't leave me alone, you bastards.

Not tonight!

Geoffrey!

Don't leave me here!

I can't go back to the party. I don't like anyone.

Assholes.

Fuck.

Sorry. Round two?