Original subtitles

a new girlfriend, and a war of words.

Some of the tans you see might be fake,

but these people are all real,

although some of what they do

has had a little nip and tuck purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way is Essex."

[cheering]

- Should we do something really mad with Lola and shock her?

- It looks like a teddy bear.

- It was our dog and she's dyed it pink.

- You're pathetic Mario,

I can hear everything you're saying.

- Maybe living together isn't the right thing anymore.

I don't want you to have to go.

- When you love someone, you love them,

there's none of this messing around,

you follow your heart, but with you, you don't.

It's over, isn't it?

[upbeat music]

- I just came here to talk to you, really.

You do generally complete me, Ferne.

I'm in love with you.

I wanna get back together.

[upbeat music]

- Bubby smooches.

[laughing]

- Give us a kiss then.

- I've got a snotty nose.

- I love the taste of snot.

[laughing]

- Just text Ferne back, she's all happy.

- Gotta admit, he has got some balls doing that

but I felt his shyness and awkwardness,

I wanted to literally curl up and die.

- I thought he was gonna cry

'cause his voice was a little bit croaky.

- I thought he was gonna cry!

Especially when Ferne started crying,

it probably hit home how much he's hurt her

and how much this means to her.

Whatever happens from now, I just hope

that he doesn't do it again

and he's learnt from his mistake.

Feeling a bit cold, shall I get us a hot drink?

- Yeah I'll have a tea please.

- Tea, yeah?

Thank you.

Oh it's freezing.

- Wuss.

- [Billie] Oh hello.

- Hello darling, are you all right?

- [Billie] Looking nice and smart.

- Thanks darling, cool?

- [Billie] Yeah good, see you in a bit, bye.

- Hello.

- Hello, nice shop.

- Oh yeah, you've never been before, have you?

- [Lewis] No, I'm impressed.

- [Sam] Good.

- [Lewis] You look nice.

- [Sam] Good to see you.

- How are you anyway?

- Actually it's been a bit shit.

- Yeah, well obviously it's difficult times, innit?

Well look, take this as you will, yeah.

But as friends, I think I'd like to take you out

and cheer you up.

What do you reckon?

- Well I'm not very good company at the minute.

But I do need cheering up, to be fair.

- Cool, as friends.

[laughing]

- Shaking on it.

- See you later.

- [Sam] Bye.

[pop music]

- What are we doing?

- We're gonna go paddle yoga.

- Paddle yoga?

- Apparently you're like, balancing on a surf board

in a swimming pool and you're doing yoga

whilst you're balancing.

- Oh my God, I've never ever heard of that.

You just wanna like, literally push me

in the pool, don't you?

- Yeah.

- So I can fall in and laugh at me.

- And see you in your bikini.

[laughing]

- [Jasmin] Obviously you wanna see me in my bikini.

Aw

Is that Mario's new girl?

- To be fair, good luck to him.

He's had to watch Lucy lower her standards

and he's upped his--

- Definitely upgraded, definitely.

[pop music]

- Ricky, what are you doing for God's sakes?

- All right, two seconds.

What?

- [Jess] What?

Oh my God.

- Do you like it?

- What the hell is that?

- It's my Movember.

- I will donate lots of money but only on the condition

that you shave those little dangly bits on each side--

- I like the look of a sheriff.

- 'Cause that is putting me right off.

- How you doin' there boys?

- Who is this person?

[pop music]

- I'm a bit sad because since Vegas we've been sharing

all these takeaways together, movie nights.

Hello babe.

- It's freezing out there, oh my God, yeah.

- What's happened?

- Lewis just walked in the shop.

- Shut up.

- Yeah, basically he was like, so as friends,

can I take you out and give you a good time?

And I was a bit like actually, I'm not doing anything wrong.

- [Bobby] No.

- Lewis is quite an upbeat lively person,

he's got loads of banter,

you know each other's sense of humour,

this could be what you need at the minute,

like a bit of fun, let your hair down.

- You're sexy, you're single

and let's have it right, you need a good time.

- [Billie] Yeah, exactly.

- I just hope that he doesn't think

it's anything else than friends

and him just trying to cheer me up

'cause J--, gosh called him Joey.

- [Billie] Oh don't do that!

[laughing]

- Shit!

- Oh no she didn't.

[gentle music]

- I'm still in shock.

It was just so much to take in, I couldn't quite believe

that you was doing that.

- One of us needed to come to the point

where we just said--

- And I'm glad it was you.

- [Charlie] Let's move on.

- That's all I've been wanting you to do

is just to, I know I keep saying it, but fight for me.

I don't care if people think that I'm a mug

because I can get over that you cheated on me

because I do believe that it was a mistake.

- So just so we both know

we are official.

- Yeah, we're getting back on to that track.

- Well what does that mean?

- Well I want you to understand we are gonna have to

work at it, it's not just gonna be all hunky dory

and we, oh yeah we're back together.

It's gonna be difficult but then at least

we gave it a try.

[laughing]

[pop music]

- Oh mate, I can't wait for this lunch,

what'd you reckon?

- Double bacon and cheese please!

I can't wait, mate.

- What, are we getting a burger?

- Yeah I'm gonna, are we meeting--

- What's on there?

If you love to sing, don't keep it to yourself, Popchoice.

Does that say choice?

- Sell it to me, Joe.

- Popchoir!

- What is Popchoir, what's it mean?

- You change a pop song into a choir song but like

Like that.

- No it'll be like

- I used to be in the school choir.

When I was there, I was literally like the only boy,

it was full of girls.

Oi that could be another place that we could

like, meet some serious birds.

- Yes!

[laughing]

- I'm gonna fall in real soon.

- Yeah I know but it's supposed to be making you fit

and like, your core muscles.

You're actually supposed to be doing this

in an exotic place.

- We are, Greek port.

Look at the painting, says it all.

- Didn't take long for Ferne to forgive Charlie then.

They're back together.

- I know, I knew they would.

- I can't believe it though, after everything.

He's proper mugged her off and she's just taken him back.

- I know, we had lucky escapes.

- Yes!

- Apparently everyone's saying that me and you

are more than friends.

- You wish!

- I wish!

I actually genuinely think you're a really nice girl.

I enjoy hanging out with ya

and you are all right, I suppose.

- In a way!

- Don't wanna give you a big head or nothing.

[pop music]

- He's got two bits dangling down the side,

he looks like a Mexican waiter.

[laughing]

It's terrible but bless him.

- How do you find that man attractive, I don't know.

- Elliott!

- [Elliott] He's a lovable dope.

- [Jess] He is a lovable dope.

- Hello!

- All right?

- Yeah I have a bone to pick with you, missus.

What the hell have you done to my dog?

- [Jess] You gotta wash it like 10-15 times--

- What!

- [Jess] It'll come out.

- [Lucy] Are you joking?

- Luce, I'm so sorry.

- 10 times?

- Is she friendly?

- No, she's a bit of a bitch.

Try but her paws will be muddy.

[laughing]

She doesn't like you, Elliott!

- [Elliott] There you go!

It's like a bunny rabbit.

- [Jess] Do you know what, that really suits you.

- Oh she looks--

[dog growling]

[laughing]

Will you take a photo for me?

- I think people think she's a teddy bear.

- [Jess] Bella, get down.

- [Elliott] I'll take it with you, Luce.

[laughing]

- It looks like a bright luminous pink thing

in the middle of like...

It's just hilarious!

So what did Mario say about Lola?

- I don't know, he had a few snidey comments

and was taking the piss and stuff

but the end of the day, she's my dog.

Oh look, she likes you.

She doesn't like many people, Elliott.

It's quite surprising.

- See, that's a sign, do you know what I mean, Luce?

If you ever need a dog sitter,

you know where to come, don't you?

- [Lucy] OK.

- And when you realise that Tom's just a rebound,

you can invite me round for dinner.

- Right, on that note I'm going.

Give me the dog.

- [Jess] He's so naughty.

- You are naughty.

Right, see you later.

- [Jess] Are you sure?

- [Elliott] I know, she's a nice girl.

- Yeah I know I bet she is.

[laughing]

[hip hop music]

- [Arg] Oh, Lou Bloor.

- Oh.

- [Diags] Ey, nice wheels.

Now that's a nice car, uh-oh.

- [Lewis] What is happening?

- All right, sir.

- [Lewis] How are ya?

What's going on Joe?

Good to see ya.

- All right, mate.

- You know what they say about men

with flash motors, don't they?

You're trying to cover up something else, mate.

[laughing]

- 'Course, 'course.

It's good I see you, Joe.

Can I have a word quickly?

- Yeah, 'course it is.

You all right?

- Yeah, cool mate.

- You seem nervous.

- I wanted to come and talk to you.

I am a little bit nervous, to be honest.

I mean, I thought it best that I come

and obviously tell you face to face.

You know, obviously, my opinion with you and Sam.

I do think that it's good, I was saying

that you guys should get back together.

She's down and basically, I've asked her

to go out as friends.

Is that cool?

- That's cool.

- Cool Joe, I appreciate it, man.

- See you later.

Thanks for coming to speak to me, anyway.

- No, no, it's all good.

Thanks Joe, mate.

Boys, I'll see you later on, yeah?

- All right mate, see you later, mate.

- We get out of here?

- Yeah, let's get out of here.

- Sweet.

- They look good, them things.

Are they really spicy?

Yeah lick it out.

Lick it out, go on.

[laughing]

- Joe, it's ridiculously hot.

[laughing]

- It's so hot, mate.

- Today yeah, we found some leaflet on Joe's car

about a pop choir.

It's in Chigwell, so it's like we go to it,

apparently there's gonna be loads of birds there.

- Well I'd love to come.

- [Diags] But?

- But what?

- I've got plans to see Lucy again.

- All right, oh OK.

- Yeah but at least he knows what it's like

to wear the trousers for one hour.

[laughing]

- Lewis Bloor swung by earlier.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, stopped over, didn't he?

He was like oh you know, Sam's a bit sad.

I'm gonna take her out as friends and that.

- What?

That's pretty quick, innit?

- I thought it was a bit soon.

- Yeah it is quick but me and Sam

have gone our separate ways, so it's like

he's not doing anything wrong and nor is she.

- Mate, I really don't think

it's anything to worry about anyway.

I mean if I thought it was, I'd feel awkward about it

'cause obviously I'm friends with the three of you

but I know it's nothing, they're just friends

so it's fine.

[dance music]

- Right here, look.

Look this is the one, look.

Diesel, five doors, yeah?

- [Danielle] That's a bit big though, isn't it?

[indistinct auction sounds]

[gavel banging]

[laughing]

- Well that was a bit pointless, weren't it?

- Sorry mate, the car that I wanted didn't come up, did it?

- No, the car you wanted did come up.

It was meek as shit.

- Mate, you try to get on the mic,

take over from the geezer.

[impression of auctioneer]

- He's the one with the mic, look.

It's George Michael!

[laughing]

Let's clarify, this Movember stuff.

- In the month of November, hence Movember,

you grow a tache in order to raise money for men's cancer.

- But at the start of the month, so the first,

you've gotta--

- You've gotta have it all off and then start.

- [Elliott] So did you start that?

- No I couldn't because I started four days late.

- Well that's cheating then.

- [Elliott] That's cheating.

- I know it's cheating but at the end of the day--

- So you're wearing that for the sake

of looking like George Michael.

- No at the end of the day right, if I do 27 days

out of 31, I think that's enough to make some money.

- I like the charity idea but you're cheating.

- No it's a good cause but if you done it,

I wouldn't like it.

- He's doing it anyway, look.

He does it for free.

- I've been doing it since January,

how much do I get for that?

[laughing]

- So I bumped into Lucy in the park

with her little pink dog.

And I said I'd wind

that little scooter crew up something rotten.

I thought I'd have a little family portrait.

- Oh you didn't.

- You're gonna have a little war with Tom now.

- I thought I should tweet it just to let him know,

'cause he obviously thinks

it was only a couple of hours ago.

He'll probably sit there and think that I'm out with Lucy.

- Yeah, 100%, do it.

- [Elliott] Yeah should we do it?

- Nah, do it now, go on.

[laughing]

- How good's that, look.

Looks like we had a little walk in the park.

Bosh.

Get a load of that, Tom.

At the end of the day, if I did want to take Lucy out,

I'd ask to take her out.

I couldn't give a monkey's about Tom.

She's made it clear to him

that she ain't in a relationship with him

and she just wants to be free and single.

So the end of the day, the way I look at it--

- And ready to mingle with Elliott.

- Listen, I'm not saying I am gonna ask her out

but I'm not saying I'm, in any way shape or form

Tom's gonna put me off asking her out.

[pop music]

[cork popping]

[laughing]

- I've sold this gaff.

- You've sold it?

- Yeah.

Even though this place has been amazing,

I just think it's the next step, isn't it?

- [Charlie] I can't believe you've packed up

and all that already.

- I've actually met someone else.

[gasping]

- Have you?

- Tell us all.

- Wow.

- Her name's Pascal.

- [Chloe] Nice.

- She's a model and a gymnast.

- [Chloe] Wow.

- Living.

[laughing]

- Oh my God, good combination.

- And she is really nice, she's not just like,

really really beautiful but she's also

a really nice person inside.

- Have you got a photo?

- [Mario] Are we doing that?

- Yes, I want to see!

- She's hot!

Oh she's really good looking.

- Wow.

She is so hot.

So will you, Ferne, Pascal, all be going out together?

- Me and Ferne are going out later actually

and I was thinking maybe you wanna come, bring Pascal.

- What, a double date?

- Yeah, nice double date, me and you.

- Do you reckon Ferne'll be all right with that?

She's best friends with your ex

and now you want her to be best friends

with your new girlfriend.

Good luck with that!

[laughing]

- Well cheers, guys.

- Cheers to that!

- Cheers to good luck.

[laughing]

[pop music]

- Hello, darling.

- Oh my God!

What have you done to the dog?

I can't believe it!

- I think I would've chosen like, a more pale pink myself.

- Yeah, that's a bit vibrant.

Where are you going, to work?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, same.

What about Elliott's picture that he tweeted?

I was looking at it earlier.

- I know.

- [Sam] He's definitely trying to wind Tom up.

- I didn't realise, you know what I'm like,

I'm like, oh I feel like I'm in a family portrait,

me, you and the pink dog.

And then it was all fine

and then he just said a couple of comments about Tom

and he said something like, when you realise

Tom's your rebound, something like you know where I am

or something and I was like, what!

And I went right, I'm going.

- What is wrong with him?

- He's just, it's quite disrespectful to Tom.

- It is.

- It's really disrespectful but it's the same

as how he was when he was talking about Joey.

- I think it's 'cause he's older, he thinks

he can say what he wants and nothing will come back on him.

- [Sam] Tom's gonna have to say something.

- No he will, I know he will.

[hip hop music]

- Here you are, lads.

- Cheers mate.

- So Lou, tell Ollie what you got yourself into.

- I went into Sam's shop earlier.

- What happened?

- I've asked her out, Ol.

- What?

- Well the way I see it, yeah, she's obviously having

a lot of agg and like, drama with Joey.

You know, she's going through a hard time

and I don't know, maybe me taking her out

won't help the situation.

- Are you taking her out as friends

or are you taking her out

to hopefully spark something off, honestly.

- As friends.

- Friends?

- I don't wanna make Sam uncomfortable in the sense that

she thinks I'm there trying to crack on with her.

- If you're, in your head you're actually

going as friends, that's fine.

But what you've gotta remember is when you two get together,

if you have a couple of drinks.

- Global warming occurs and you just start melting.

[laughing]

- [James] That's exactly it.

- I'm melting!

- [James] That's exactly it.

[pop music]

- Bob, it's like the end of an era, you going.

- Do you know what?

I'm totes devo, Gem.

I'm like holding back the tears a bit.

- Do you know what though, Bob,

like, we're best mates and you know it makes sense really

and you can come here any time.

- Yeah do you know what and completely,

I know you're not going out of my life

but I feel like we're emigrating

and we're never gonna see each other again.

- I know.

You can have your pink iron back.

- [Bobby] Thank you.

- That's another thing, like who's gonna do my ironing now?

- Who's gonna do everything for you?

I'm worried, who's gonna run your bath,

who's gonna cook for you, who's gonna wake you up?

- Do you know what though, Bob, like,

it's just one of them things.

I think as well like, if you are friends,

you can get under each other's feet sometimes.

- Is Sex and the City yours or mine?

- You can have it.

- The thing is I am gonna miss this gaff

because it really is like a girl and a gay paradise.

- Bob, you're welling up, ain't ya?

- I'm emosh.

- Let it out, don't be sad in life Bob

'cause I'm gonna give you something to take away with you

and it's gonna get you through in life without me.

- Really?

- I'm giving you this and you know I love this sign.

Love conquers all, Bob

and you're gonna find it.

- Oh babe, cuddle me.

- With or without me.

Love you.

[pop music]

- [Diags] Lucy's like get off Tom, get off.

- [Arg] Get off Tom, Tom's like no!

- Oh my battery's died.

Spider down.

Not so funny now is it?

- Boys, look what this moron's tweeted.

- Oh!

- [Arg] What's he doing?

- He's obviously met up with Lucy somehow,

walking her dog and asked for a picture

and tweeted it.

- Oh my God, look at that.

[laughing]

- Yeah but look what he's tweeted, look.

Look what he wrote about it.

- These two brightened up my morning.

But he's just a bit desperate, isn't he?

- [Tom] He's obviously, yeah.

- But he means brighten up my morning

'cause the dog's so bright.

- His new nickname's desperate Dan.

- [Arg] It's proper got to you, innit?

- No it ain't, he's just a bit of a try-hard I think.

If he wants to go out with Sam, he should go

and ask her out, she'll say no,

if he wants to go out with Lucy, go ask Lucy out,

she'll say no.

Then he can just get in a little dinghy

and fuck off back to Spain.

- Tom it don't matter, Tom, mate he's trying his hardest.

He's just come back from Spain, he's trying hard.

- You know him better than all of us, right?

You know what the geezer's like.

He would've definitely said something or tried something

or said a snidey comment, you know what he's like.

The geezer's a bell end mate, absolute bell end.

[upbeat music]

- [Sam] Hello!

- Hey friend.

- Hello friend.

- How are you?

- Good, you?

- Yeah, good, good.

- Where are you taking me?

- We are going to All Star Lanes.

- Oh wow, another trip down memory lane for me.

- Yeah, not been there in a while.

[dance music]

- Cheers baby, to a good night, yeah.

- [Lucy] Cheers.

- You look pretty tonight.

- Thank you.

- Do I?

- You look really pretty.

You always wear a leather jacket,

I wouldn't expect anything else.

- That's a good thing, right?

- You look like an extra from Grease.

Whole like, Danny Zuko thing going on.

- So where's Lola tonight?

Is Elliott dog sitting?

- Do you know what, he actually offered today.

He said that in the park, he said

if you ever need a dog sitter.

- What do you reckon he's planning with that tweet?

He's a doughnut, he made me laugh so much.

I was sitting there with the boys, I was like.

- To be fair I kind of, you know what I'm like,

I'm a little bit gullible.

I didn't realise what he wanted the picture for.

He sort of said to me, when you realise Tom's your rebound,

you know where I am.

- [Tom] Yeah, what did you say?

- I just walked off.

I'm with you.

- Everyone's in purple.

I've completely come wrong colour.

- I'd feel confident if Diags wasn't wearing

his orange coat.

- No mate.

- It's called pea...

No listen, Arg, it's called peacocking.

The more lairy you are, the more the birds notice you.

- Take it off, trust me, man.

- Do you reckon?

- Is that actually what it is?

- Take it off, take it off now, take it off.

- No, no.

They'll notice, they'll notice.

- Just look around now, is there anyone

that tickles your fancy?

- Those fitties over there, there's fitties over there.

- Oh, oh.

You all right?

Oh!

[laughing]

- Tonight I don't want any drama, no arguing.

- No!

- No showing ourselves up.

We're the power couple again.

- What, the power couple's back on track?

- It's back on track.

Oh hi.

- Hello.

- How are you?

- [Ferne] How are you?

You all right?

- Come here, you look lovely.

You all right?

- You look smart.

- Hello, nice to meet you.

- Nice to finally meet you.

- You all right?

- [Pascal] Yeah, you?

- [Ferne] Yes I'm good.

Oh I forgot the French.

I was meant to say

ça va?

- I wouldn't know how to respond back.

- [Charlie] She's not French.

- It's just my name, it's all an illusion.

- Oh, that's embarrassing.

- You guys can pretend she's French.

[laughing]

- What do you do, Pascal?

- I'm a commercial model

and I'm training to be a stunt woman.

- Wow.

- I was an international gymnast, that's why

the stunt stuff comes into it.

- Wow, gymnast Mario.

- Indeed, Ferne.

- How does that go down?

[laughing]

What are you thinking?

[laughing]

[pop music]

- [Instructor] Just gonna do some stretches.

So heels of the hands to the ceilings.

Relax your shoulders a bit.

Shake yourselves out, that's good.

We're gonna do some warm up exercises.

So we're gonna sing like this.

OK?

Good.

Have a seat very quickly.

- Thank you.

That was good, you did well.

Thank you.

- [Instructor] The new people are doing

a fantastic job tonight.

- Do you come pop choir a lot then, or?

- No we've never been before.

- You gonna come back next week?

- I don't know, are you?

- Probably, yeah.

I think it's quite cool.

[fart]

- Phwoar man, what are you doing?

That's bad.

- Have you?

Don't look at me mate.

[pop music]

- [Lewis] You look like you're enjoying yourself, Sam.

- I am, you know what, this is good.

This is a good shout.

How many times did we come here before?

- I don't know, it wasn't many but it was sort of

just like a mid-week thing, do you know what I mean?

A bit of bowling, few strikes and stuff

and yeah, getting on with it.

- I'm glad you chose to do something like this

than just sitting at boring dinner.

- I know obviously, it's a very delicate,

difficult situation that we're in.

You are the first girl that I ever liked,

I will always have feelings for you

but this ain't about this, this is just about

you letting your hair down and just chilling out,

do you know what I mean?

- Having fun.

- Can I get a little kiss on the ball for good luck?

- No!

- Dirty ball!

- Disgusting!

No!

- Well we went for pizza on one of our first dates

and he picked up a knife and fork

and I was getting ready to like...

- [Charlie] Tear into it.

- Fully go in!

- And then I thought oh, better not.

- Good for you!

Absolutely love a woman that loves their food

and you should never be shy about it.

- No.

But he used a knife and fork so I thought I'd better.

- I'm so glad Mr Falcone is

is in a relationship.

Who would've thought it?

- Just waiting for the right girl.

- [Ferne] There you go.

Special lady.

- I'm a special lady.

- I'm happy for you.

- Thank you.

- I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.

- Going toilet?

OK.

- Quick, let's eat her dinner.

[laughing]

- [Mario] So what do you think?

- Lovely.

- Amazing.

- I'm very lucky to have Pascal, so I don't wanna lose her

and do the same stuff I did before.

- [Charlie] You really suit.

- Oh my God, not only is she a fucking stunt woman,

she's a gymnast.

- I think she's perfect.

I honestly think she was made for me.

She's just awesome.

- She's really cool.

- I want her to meet my family and meet my mum

and all that sort of stuff and I haven't met anyone

like that for ages.

- Since...

- Luce.

[pop music]

- [Lucy] What are the boys doing tonight?

- They're going pop choir.

You know Diags and Arg are on this quest to meet birds?

I mean I was gonna go with them and then...

I come to meet you didn't I.

- And I'd be fuming.

- Hello.

- Elliott, James.

- [Elliott] How are you going, you all right?

- [James] What's happening son, you all right?

- How are you?

- Elliott.

Good.

- Sweet man, you?

- Yeah cool.

Man date is it?

- Yeah always mate.

- Nice one.

- How's things with you, all right?

- Yeah, perfect mate.

Brilliant, yeah.

- Can I have a drink please, mate?

- Didn't see that one coming.

- You going to buy Lucy a drink?

You not going to buy Lucy a drink?

- Yeah don't mind, do you want a glass of wine?

- [Lucy] I'm all right, thanks Elliott.

- What about me as well?

- Do you want one?

- Yeah sweet, vodka, lime and soda please, mate.

Cheers buddy.

What was it you were saying in the park?

- [Elliott] What's that?

- What you said to Lucy.

Something about me being a rebound.

- Well yeah, I was just saying to Lucy

when she's finished with you, I'll take her out

if she wants.

- Well ask her out now and see what she says.

- Well when I'm ready to ask her out, I'll ask her out.

What's your problem anyway?

- Do you just wanna go?

- My problem is you making snidey comments to her

when you know she's with me.

- Oh is she, is she, is she with you?

- You're 32 years old, you should know better mate.

- Really?

- Yes.

- Is she with you?

As far as I was concerned, I thought she said to you

listen, I'm not really ready for a relationship.

So she's open game, mate.

- Why don't you mind your own business, mate?

Stay away from me, stay away from her.

- Don't ask me to stay away from her,

I'll do what I fucking like.

- Well go on, go ask her out.

- [Elliott] This is good, innit.

Shall we pull a chair up?

- Don't please, that's enough.

Elliott, Elliott, that's enough.

- Stop being silly, come on.

- Elliott that enough.

- Shall I sit here?

Is that all right?

Are you comfortable with that?

- Come on, that's enough now.

- I've come in here, I've walked in and had a drink.

- You've been fucking saying stuff to my bird

when I'm not there.

- It was a joke, it was a joke.

- It's not fucking funny is it?

- Come on, enough, right James, please.

James, James.

- Buy me a fucking vodka and then fuck off

on a dinghy back to Spain, you mug.

- I'll go back to Spain when I'm ready to go back to Spain.

- Elliott, come on.

You'd be pissed off if someone said that

to a girl you were seeing.

- Don't fucking kiss her.

- For you, I'm leaving.

- You're a prick, mate.

Go away, just go away mate.

- What are you gonna do?

- Just go away, mate.

- Seriously, nothing.

Fucking melt.

- All right, sweet and you're an ugly mug.

- Do you want your drink?

- I'm gonna when you buy it for me.

- I will, won't I?

- Come on, let's go, eh?

- I'll see you later.

- See you later, James.

- Luce, good night darling, take care.

- Oh my God.

If someone did that to a girl he's seeing,

he'd do exactly the same.

- Fuck me, mate.

That was bit lively, weren't it?

- Yeah listen, I never started that, he did.

- Don't think you're on his Christmas list.

[laughing]

- I don't get it, why would you even do that

in front of your girlfriend?

Do you know what I mean?

He's walked in there and created a scene over nothing.

- [James] It was funny though, it was funny.

- I don't get it though, he's walked in,

he's shouting his mouth off

in front of her, mugged himself, made her feel so awkward.

I feel sorry for her in a way.

If a gentleman walked in there and said to me

what are you doing mate, you know I'm seeing her,

that's not really, if he'd pulled me to one side,

that's what a fucking gentleman would do.

But the way you behaved in there,

it's a fucking disgrace.

[gentle music]

- Have you enjoyed your first ever mate date?

- I have.

- Good.

One of the main reasons that I wanted to bring you out

and see you alone is 'cause there's something

I've wanted to say for a long, long time,

for, we're talking three years now.

- What are you gonna say?

- Just that I'm sorry for how things ended.

- Oh you don't have to say sorry now,

that was ages ago.

- No but it's, it's still, as much as it might be

a long time ago, Sam, to lose someone who is

such an important person in your life

and in such a bad way, I feel like I've always

owed you an apology.

- That was so long ago and I don't blame it on anything

apart from age.

- All I want of you is to see me as the person as I am.

That's all I can ask for from you.

- The man you've grown into.

- Exactly and not the person that I was three years ago

and that's the only, well that's the main reason

that I wanted to bring you out, to say sorry

and you know, if you're comfortable doing it,

just draw line under it and wipe the slate clean

and just start fresh.

- 'Course I am.

- Do you remember when we broke up?

- [Sam] Yeah.

- I think one of the last things that I ever said to you

is that I'd never ever find a girl like you.

I didn't think that I would.

I tell you now, three years down the line

I know that's still true and it probably always will be.

- Aw.

But you've had girlfriends.

- That's the point.

- See you later, guys.

- See you later, guys.

- See you later.

- Take care.

Enjoy your early night.

You're like damn, why couldn't I be with someone like her?

And I'm like damn, why couldn't I be her?

But no, it's cute.

Have you enjoyed yourself?

- You know what

it's been really nice, just to be with you as well.

- I know.

Sometimes I can't quite believe

how a lovely little relationship kind of went

[blowing raspberry]

but I do love you and only you.

- Thank you.

- You had a good night?

- [Pascal] Lovely, thank you for bringing me here.

- [Mario] You look very beautiful.

- Thank you.

- I'm lucky to have found you.

Let's go.