Original subtitles

a naughty turtleneck and a hot tub frolic.

Some of the tans you see might be fake

but these people are all real

although some of what they do has been given

a little zhoosh for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way Is Essex.

- Putting up on the new wall?

- Who I found at the door?

- [Bobby] That's Sam's ex fella.

You reckon there's any unfinished business there?

- You know the truth did me and Gemma

go up into my room?

- No!

- He loves you so much

don't make my mistake.

- I just wanna sit there talking about your ex-boyfriend.

Talking a load of shit

tryin play Cupid.

- [Elliot] The games he's playing with you

he's messing your head about and it's not fair.

- It's not. - It's not fair on you.

- What you're saying in hindsight that Joe is true.

- Then why don't you tell him that?

[dramatic music]

[upbeat music]

[all laughing]

- [Lucy] Bye baby.

- [Tom] Have fun at work babe.

- Right.

Oh I don't wanna work.

- Right you can stay with me then, yeah?

- No! [laughing]

- I'd just like to say like it's

it's really good to see

everyone again. - [Billie] Yeah.

- You know I was close to a lot of people

in you know, this little crew...

- We all go way back, don't we?

- Yeah, no it was...

- Us three used to hang out together all the time.

Just the three of us. - Yeah, I use to get

phone calls if I was indoors babysitting

I used get phone calls from either you or you

"Right what you doing,"

"were coming round" and she'd be like

"Argent wants to come round as well"

"he wants a bacon sandwich." [laughing]

Or Sam wants to come round and see you

I'd be like "All right then come on then."

- I'll have them both round. - You used to come falling

out of the cab.

I've got to cook him dinner and put you to bed now.

[laughter]

- Old times, good old times.

- I actually brought some photos with me.

- [Arg] No way! - Seeing as we're reminiscing.

- Oh my god!

- Here then there's a few.

- These are the cringy ones? - Yeah, you look so different.

- Oh my, I was still fat then! - [Billie] Oh my god.

- There's me and Bill!

- [Billie] Oh my god, look how orange I am!

- [Lewis] Tomato face.

- [Arg] Oh my word!

[laughter]

- Look at Ferne's swoosh.

- [Arg] Oh god.

- [Billie] Oh, there. - [Lewis] You two there.

- See I don't know, I think we used to look

quite good together Sam.

- [Billie] It'd be good to all be together again

tonight at Bobby's fashion show.

Are youse going? - Oh don't.

I'm so embarrassed. - There's a dress code

to this thing right?

- Yeah you got to wear pink. - [Lewis] Pink.

- It's so embarrassing. - Apparently you're

getting bidded for.

Who ever gets the highest bid

wins a date with Samantha Faiers.

- [Lewis] Biddage. - [Arg] Biddage.

- [laughs] Biddage. - Unbelievable biddage.

- No, I'm doing it...

- Have you got your cash out guys?

- I'm doing it as a favour!

- I'll bring my check book.

- And Dan's doing it as well.

- [Arg] Dan Osborne? - Dan Osborne.

- Who do you think is going to get a higher bid though

you or Dan? - Yeah?

- Dan, are you joking?

Have you seen him? - No way!

- I know, he looks like Adonis.

- [Billie] No he doesn't. - [Sam] Yeah.

- [Billie] Come on, the boys

you can have three boys after you.

- [Lewis] Do you reckon me and Elliott will end up

having a bidding war?

- Are you going to bid for her, yeah?

- I'll be like "2 pound 50!"

[laughter]

[pop music]

- [Tom] The new pads looking pretty sick.

- Do you like it?

- [Tom] Yeah it's good, innit?

- [Joey] It's a nice wallpaper here

crocodile skin.

What are you saying?

Would you like a pad like this for you and Lucy?

[both laugh]

- [Tom] Were spending loads of time together.

we're pretty much acting like we're

like going out but then

we're both saying "no I don't want a girlfriend."

"Don't want a boyfriend."

So I just need to say to her like

"what's actually going on?"

- Say I was you, yeah?

"Hey Lucy, like obviously I really like ya"

"but what are you making this?"

"Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?"

"Are we?"

"Cause its weird, init?"

[laughs]

That's what I'd say.

- So what I'm going to say to her, just go

"look your saying you don't want a boyfriend"

"so what am I doing wasting my time with ya?"

- No don't say that. - Why not?

- That's the worst move I've heard.

- Why?

- "You wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend"

"or waste my time?"

- I think both of us don't want to be the first ones

to say it, that's all it is.

Both of us are pretending like we don't really care when...

- [Joey] Be a man!

Be a man.

- [Bobby] The sooner the better

cause we got a fashion show to organise.

Alright bye!

I'm having a mare.

- [Ferne] Alright? - You stressed?

Don't stress? - Stressed is not the word.

I'm waiting on cupcakes, dresses, there all over the M25.

[both laugh]

- [Bobby] do you know what I mean?

The stage isn't here yet

there is no dresses here so like...

- Well we're here help anyways.

- [Jess] We've got helping hands, Bobby.

- [Ferne] Have you spoke to Gemma?

- Well do you know what, we've been like

passing ships in the wind.

I've just not had any chance to really

sit down and speak to her.

- [Ferne] How awkward for you, Bob.

I thought it was really unfair that Arg completely

threw you under the bus.

- Do you know when you watch the Discovery

and you've got a kola bear

about to be pounced on by a python?

I was that kola Bear.

- Don't let this stress you out.

I think you've just got to concentrate on

tonight's charity show. - [Jess] Tonight's charity.

- And touch wood, no dramas.

- The only drama is on that runway

and its my pash for fash!

[Ferne cheers]

Well girls, I'm gonna have to shoo.

- Go on. - Go on.

- [Bobby] I'll meet you in there!

- [Ferne] Bye, hun. - [Bobby] Love ya, hun!

- [Jess] Bye, hunny.

Oh, how funny.

It'll be a good day I reckon. - Yeah I'm

looking forward to it. - Good night I mean.

- [Jess] Whats happening with you and Charlie?

- [Ferne] Um, just...

- [Jess] Like to be honest obviously you probably feel numb.

- [Ferne] I just don't know if I want to be with him

if I don't like sometimes we meet up

sometimes we text, some...

- When was the last time you slept together?

- Like literally the other day.

- [gasps] Ferne, why? - I know I, know right?

I don't even know what to say

because its just stupid. - [Jess] Why?

The more you keep going back to him

for one night or whatever

the more he's gonna think he can have you and drop you

when he wants to and go out with some other birds next week.

I think you need to start dating to see if you can

see yourself with someone else apart from him.

- [Ferne] Come on lets go in the car, its raining

- [Jasmin] Hello. - Hello, how are you?

How you doing, you all right? - How are you?

- I'm good, you?

- Are you coming to the fashion show tonight?

- The cat walk thing?

I have to walk in boxer shorts.

- Oh kay, maybe not. - [Dan] And in front of you

lot its completely different.

It's not comfortable in front of you lot.

- I'm gonna be cheering you on like "go Dan!"

In your boxers?!

- Yeah your going to be going

"go Dan get your boxers off!"

[both laugh]

We have to get auctioned off as well.

- Do you want me to bid for you?

- Bid away, girl.

come on. - I'm just saying.

- You want to bid for me.

You just don't want to say it, you got too much pride.

- [Jasmin] Oh, I haven't got pride.

Oh look here comes Abi.

- Abs! - What the fuck?

why the fuck, why the hell has she just

literally just walked away?

I can't actually believe she's just walked past.

- Why, what's the matter with her?

- [Jasmin] I have no idea.

Why would you do that to your best friend?

Why would you just walk past?

I'm so... ugh!

[rubbing sound]

- [Elliot] Yes!

- Elliott, can you do it harder please?

- Come on!

- Yes, baby!

- Come on.

Yeah, I think I'm nearly there.

- Oh my god.

Yeah, perfect.

- [Elliot] Got it. - Perfect.

- I can unblock a hole

but I ain't no plumber, let's be fair.

- [Gemma] Okay, okay you're alright then.

- [Elliot] Your alright then? - Yeah, good as gold, you?

- Alright, good, cant complain.

You know, obviously you've been seeing Sam

we're just friends now so...

With Joey and with Sam I just feel like with him

he's got her wrapped round his little finger a little bit.

I don't think he's been honest with his situation.

He's young, innit he?

So this scenario with Arg then

come on tell me the truth.

- I did not sleep with Arg in Vegas.

If I had slept with him I would have admitted it.

I'm a little bit wounded from it but do you know what?

- [Elliot] Bigger person for it, ain't ya?

- I'll let it go.

I'm just going to let it go, you know?

You know what I mean? - Exactly.

- This week is Bobby's fashion show isn't it?

And have you heard Sam is modelling?

- [Elliot] Oh, right? - [Gemma] And plus shes been

auctioned off. - Really?

- [Gemma] Yeah, to win a date with Sam.

[laughs]

- [Gemma] so bring plenty of money.

- Oh here we go.

It will be me, Joey

and Lewis all there bidding. - [Gemma] Yeah

- I think I'll let Lewis win.

He might get to chance to prove himself

he's a man then, won't he?

- Yeah. - [Elliot] Might be his only

way in getting a date with her anyway.

How funny but its all for a good cause, Elliott

do you know what I mean? - Course it is.

- Have you got a pink shirt?

- Pink?!

- Pinks very in for men, Elliott.

- Its winter. - Why don't you wear

pink pants and then why don't you shock everyone

and come down the catwalk in pink pants?

I'd like that. [laughs]

Stick a couple of grand in.

- See I'll have to have a few glasses of vino.

You might have to get me sozzled.

[both laugh]

[upbeat music]

- [Lucy] Shall I put the receipt in the bag?

- [Customer] Yes please.

- Thank you have a nice day.

See you later. - [Customer] See you later.

- Diags!

- Hey.

- [Lucy] What a pleasant surprise.

- [Diags] Nice bags.

- How are you? - [Diags] Good, you?

- [Lucy] Are you off to the gym or something?

- Um, yep.

- [Lucy] You are?

- [Diags] Legs, bums and tums.

- [Lucy] Your doing legs, bums and tums?

That's mainly for women.

- I know, that's the whole point.

[laughs]

- [Lucy] How are you at squatting?

- I've never squatted in my life.

- So basically you just stick you bum out like that.

No, legs further apart and stick your bum out.

- Whats the point of going like that?

- [laughs] You look...

I'm not even going to say what you look like.

- What?

Is that terrible?

- I don't know if you'll pull from you squats but

you'll meet loads of women, definitely.

- Now I ain't come here to shop.

- [Lucy] Right.

- Really I have come here to find out

what your intentions are with my best friend?

- Are you serious?

Have you really?

- [Diags] Yeah.

Cause only because he's been hurt so much before and...

- Has he? - Yeah.

I just wanna know what...

- [Lucy] Are you serious?

- What you have in mind?

- I haven't anything in mind for him.

- [Diags] Well you basically girlfriend and boyfriend now.

- No we're not.

- [Diags] Well you're going out.

- [Lucy] When we started seeing each other...

- Do you want to go out with him?

- I don't know.

I don't know, Diags.

I can't give you and answer.

- Lucy. - Diags.

[upbeat music]

- Are you's two alright now?

- Me and Jess?

- Do you know what, we are better that we have ever been.

We're always great and we get on with each other

we laugh, we have fun together.

- [Charlie] It's actually kind of nice to see it.

Cause we've all sort of been there, right?

But it seems like only one's really got through it.

- Have you spoken to Ferne since I gave her advice?

- Yeah we've been talking a little bit

like you know, not as much as what it was.

You know what I mean?

I don't get as many phone calls a day

or as many texts a day

but we do talk more casually now.

But its actually quite nice, yeah its quite nice

to be honest cause I do miss her company a little bit.

- When was the last time you had um...

- Intercourse.

- A few days ago.

[laughter]

- [Ricky] Really?

So what happened then?

- We did genuinely not talk for a couple of days.

You do miss that person's voice and what they've got to say

and what they've been up to.

And I've just went round there really.

- [Ricky] To be honest it sounds like

you've sort of made a decision without

knowing you've made it.

- Well maybe I should ask her out then.

- Take her out, fight for her.

[upbeat music]

- [Gemma] The bidding will be between I reckon

Lewis, Joey, and Elliott.

- I honestly don't even think

I don't think Joey would.

I don't think he would at all.

Since mine and Joey's conversation the other day

when he came round here like we didn't speak

for a couple of days.

Anything it was just like nothing.

And then since then we have text each other.

It's like now I'm in this situation where its like

I do really want to make another go of things.

I just wish that he would be more...

God I don't know, its really difficult.

- He's probably scared that it might go wrong again

do you see what I'm saying? - [Ferne] Yeah.

- Boys are different to girls.

- But that's a shame though because we did get on so well.

- [Gemma] Right well its never to late.

Love has no time.

- What if he doesn't bid for me because he feels stupid

because Lewis and Elliott are?

And that's exactly what Joeys like.

- He has to. - He wont and that's

what I'm saying, he has to.

- Yeah well lets hope he does.

- [Ferne] Yeah exactly.

Oh, Gem.

- [Gemma] Its nerve racking, innit?

[dance music]

- I think the one in the middle is on me you know?

[both laugh]

- Sent out a feeler, see if there're interested.

Everyone enjoying themselves?

[coughs]

Hello?

- [Instructor] Four!

[both laugh]

- Do you know they are bidding for people tonight?

- I know, that's my back up plan.

- [Arg] What you mean?

- Because this is gonna, this has worked terribly.

None of these have even turned around

to even have a look at us let alone...

[both laugh]

Let along go and have a date with us.

- This is like were not even here.

I'd rather not feel like I have to

bid for a girl to get a date.

- I think you do though, that's the thing.

- [Instructor] Boys, are we concentrating?

On one leg.

[upbeat music]

- Its good to have you back on the Essex circuit.

- Its strange though is't it, don't you think?

- It is weird.

Do you fancy Sam still?

- I think... - [Ferne] You so do!

- I think I have to say yes.

But do you know what frustrates me?

The reason is because

the reason I know that I do is because

I'm a very confident person.

I feel like I'm entirely confident

in every aspect of my life

but when im in front of Sam I'm like

a bag of butter in a microwave.

It is, I just melt.

Which is so annoying, it's so frustrating

do you know what I mean?

So I feel like yeah I do have feelings for her.

She's got so much going on else where that there's no point

in me chucking a spanner in the works anyway but

the reason that I'm going to basically bid for Sam is so

that I can get her on her own and actually

talk it through with her.

But I will be bidding.

- So what you going to wear to the fashion show then?

- Well I was going to try and get like a pink proper suit

but I just don't have the time.

- [Ferne] Yeah cause everyone's got to wear pink.

- [Lewis] I know, obviously I'm going to wear

something a little standout.

A little bit different.

- [Elliot] Alright, Ferne? - Alright.

- How are you? - [Elliot] Alright.

- [Lewis] How we doing? - [Lockie] How you doing son?

- All right, yeah?

- Going to the fashion show?

- [Lockie] Elliot's modelling. - [Lewis] You are?

- Yeah a bit of charity you gotta do it

ain't ya? - Yeah, good man.

- [Elliot] Gemma asked me so...

- Course, We'll go and have a drink down there, eh?

- [Lewis] See you then. - [Elliot] See you mate.

- A bit of competition for you there son, is it?

- [Elliot] No, he's a nice kid.

I ain't knocking him, do you know what I mean?

He's a nice boy.

He's a bit of a Jack the lad.

- [Lockie] He's a good lad. - [Elliot] He thinks he's

a man but...

- The young dog and the old dog lock horns.

- You know, the silver back gorilla

is gonna try take my stamp.

- Gonna stamp all over her. - [Elliot] All over ya.

- What you think of them?

- I think he's uh...

I think he's a little bit threatened by me.

[upbeat music]

- [Lucy] I'm slightly concerned why this is in my section.

[Bobby laughs]

Bob did you get my measurements for my cup size?

- A couple of crash helmets.

- Alright, lets try it on.

I think this is more like Billie or Jess' size.

- It's a 32, oh that would so fit Bill or Gem.

Shit the size of it.

- I think I could get my head in that.

- I feel like I'm becoming like a little bit

straight like doing this

although it does nothing for me.

- Do you want a little feel?

- See, you've got great boobs but

it just don't do nothing for me, sweets.

Are you feeling the nerves now?

Obviously your going to be working your cat walk.

- I'm actually nervous for once about the underwear section

because I haven't been training as much as normal.

My bum's going to be like level

to like Toms face, isn't it?

- Are you nervous about him seeing ya?

- He's seen me in my underwear.

- But this is obviously

Mario's coming. - But I think um...

oh God, I didn't think about that.

- Do you want me to make sure the seating plan is

very delicately done?

- Well I wouldn't put Tom and Mario next to each other.

- No, it would be like "what do you recon of my new misses"?

How is it though, is it still proper

honeymoon period? - Honeymoon.

Yeah, I don't you know what it is.

But I feel like everyone else is pressuring us

to like make it more.

- [Bobby] Intense. Like every time I speak to

someone they're like "oh so you're boyfriend"

"and girlfriend now", I'm like "no!"

I feel like, okay if I put the big boyfriend, girlfriend

stamp on it, label on it

its like saying "now this is when all the shit happens."

Like you gotta worry about each other when you go out.

It's all starting to get a bit more serious

and I don't want that, I'm not ready for it.

- Alright - [Lucy] Thanks Bob.

- Lovely to see you honey. - [Lucy] It's gonna be fine

okay?

- Thank you, you can tell that - Don't worry.

I'm nervous cant ya? - Don't worry, don't worry.

- Ah thank you, Next!

Sorry I got a conveyor belt going Luc.

- [Lucy] Thanks Bob.

- Hello mister.

We're going to have to loose them sock, babe!

[upbeat music]

- [Tom] Bad boy.

[laughter]

- [Joey] Oh man, that was jokes I'm not gonna lie.

Me and Sam have been texting a little bit.

She wanted me to be honest with her and I said to her

"I love you" and she said "I love you too".

We've been talking a bit but

it's just everything has been so confusing at the moment

because we both feel the same way

we both don't want to jump into a relationship

because we're both been happy been single at the moment

you know what I mean?

I wanna give it another try but I don't...

there no point jumping back into another relationship

is there because say it don't work again?

And obviously I got Elliott on the case

going about saying I'm a kid.

I know he thinks he's a geezer and that but

at the end of the day I'm like Peter Pan, ain't I?

I'm like Peter Pan and Sams like my Wendy.

And he's like Captain Hook.

I ain't going to that fashion show tonight

I just don't fancy it, Tom.

- Well you gotta do what you gotta do.

At the end of the day its probably ain't gonna be nice

seeing her get auctioned off is it so...?

- No.

[upbeat music]

- It's going to be glitz and glam

but the whole bidding thing like what the hell?

Why have I got myself involved in there?

- You never know there could be some big spenders there.

You never know, Elliott might be a big spender.

You got Lewis going.

What about Joey, do you recKon he would bid?

- I don't think he will personally

but I think he should like

come on I'm your ex fiancé, you should be bidding for me.

- [Billie] Ex fiancé.

- You should bid everyone out and like

so no one else can buy me for the date.

- It's just so hard isn't it like

I don't know he should just admit his feeling

shouldn't he? - [Sam] Yeah.

- He should just be honest and straight up

and that's the only way use two are going to move forward.

- Well we've been in contact like

like through like text and he was saying that

he loves me and stuff like that but its just...

- Is it sort of like all on his terms at the moment?

Cause I feel like it kind of is.

- Obviously to you that's what it seems like

but then what he's saying to me is completely different.

- Yeah I think for me my only concern is you know,

he's sort of over the last year

he's dumped you a couple of times and you've got engaged

and that that whole fairy tale was kind of ruined for you

in Marbella and I just wanna kind of see happy as my sister

and I know you haven't - Yeah

been that happy.

If use two want to move on and

and try and make this relationship work, you know

he should be shouting his love from the rooftops.

[upbeat music]

- [Bobby] These have got Elliott Wright written all over em.

- [Elliot] Bob your having a laugh?

- [Gemma] Put him in a dress. - I'm not, I ain't doing it!

Listen I'm not doing no cat walk, forget it.

I'm not doing it. - Drop your jeans.

[laughter]

- Look at these bad boys on me right on me, go on!

- Boy's what do you reckon, suit me?

[Arg and Lewis laugh]

- There's no difference. - [Arg] There about my size.

- Now I think these fake once look better on you

than they do on some of those girls in there

I'll tell ya.

[laughter]

- Mate do you know what?

I must admit I have always been one

for real boobs, haven't you two?

- I like the tear drop you know when its like...

[whistles]

[laughter

Some of those fake you get are just like

someone's gotten a potato

chopped it in half and gone "bang, wear that girl!"

[laughs]

- And that's what they look like.

- I've got to be auctioned off.

What if no one bids, how embarrassing?

- I'll bid for ya. - [Dan] Cheers mate.

I'll make sure your all right. - if no one bids give it a...

[both laugh]

- I'm sure there's a few girls out there

that might want to bid for ya.

So anyway how you been?

- Yeah, not too bad mate.

I had a midwife appointment today.

Literally I'm now like I cant wait to hold him.

- [Elliot] Honestly the feelings and the

emotions that it brings through being a father...

- Just seeing them grow.

- It's, there is just nothing in the world

that can compare to it, you know?

The first day they crawl, the first tooth they get

you know, the feelings that they give you, the emotions

and the pure joy you get out of having the kids, you know?

It's something that um, nothing can ever replace.

- Is it real fashion though or is it just pink stuff?

- [Lauren] I think I've seen a lot of pink.

- Yeah so have I.

Cause, is it an actual fashion show or

is it just like a catwalk? - I don't know.

- Hi. - Hi.

- [Abi] How are you? - Yeah, you all right?

- You look nice. - Thank you.

- Why did you blank me?

- [Abi] Because I was upset.

- [Jasmin] You just walk past me

and just straight faced ignored me and Dan

and it was just really and hurtful.

- So if had not had the decency now as a best friend

to come up to you so we can sort this out.

- [Jasmin] I know but I was just

really shocked about it, Abi.

We've gone past the point of ever doing that

so its quite childish. - [Abi] I think it is

because we haven't spoke in ages.

- But we have spoke cause I spoke to you on the weekend.

- Yeah but you know, we speak 4 times a day.

I'm speaking like

twice in like a week is different.

- You're forgetting you didn't even tell me about

a big project you've been doing and

someone else had to tell me.

How do you think I feel when I spend every day with you?

- [Abi] You're making out like I've done something

out of spite like I'm spiteful

when I'm not that type of person.

- But then would you why did you not tell me

when you haven't told me? - You're making it out like

I intentionally didn't tell you.

- [Jasmin] But you obviously did intentionally

didn't tell me. - [Abi] I would never not

intentionally not tell you something...

- But you did. - On purpose.

- But you did. - You do exactly the same

things to hurt me so... - No I don't.

- Okay well you've hurt my feelings.

- [Chloe] Alright girls, girls, girls

we're at a charity event.

Sort your differences out and speak as friends.

You've been best mates for so long and you're screaming

at each other. - [Jasmin] Yeah I know.

But I'm just really frustrated because you were

speaking to me like normal and that's why I'm

getting frustrated because you started it all Abi, not me.

That's the end of the story.

- Alright fair enough.

Friends start arguments all the time.

People argue all the time. - Right, okay.

[cheering]

- Good evening Essex.

Thank you for coming to my charity event.

We're all here in aid of breast cancer awareness

it's an amazing charity.

Let's leave our dramas at the door

it's all about the fashion tonight

so get your pash for fash on.

Have a great night and I'll see you after the cat walk.

[cheering]

[dance music]

- Yes!

- Yeah!

- These girls look good in their underwear, don't they?

- You're lovin this, this is like your

favourite day out, innit?

- They've got nothing on you babe.

- [Ferne] Oh yeah, see wehat your missing out on.

She looks amazing.

- She does look amazing.

- There he is, all muscles.

The geezer was born with a dumbbell in his hand.

[cheering]

- Take the sock out of your pants!

[laughter]

- [Chloe] Oh my god!

- [Lockie] It must be cold on that stage.

[cheering]

- Do you want some help? - Yeah please.

- Did you enjoy that?

- I actually enjoyed it like

I've actually got a buzz now I've done it.

- You was lovin it. - [Lucy] I was so nervous

are you joking?

I was so nervous.

- [Tom] You didn't tell me you was wearing a thong.

- I wasn't, I covered it with a cardigan.

- You could see the bottom of your bum.

- Could you? - Yeah it was nice though.

- No! - [Tom] You looked good.

- Could you really see my arse?

- [Tom] Only a little bit.

Listen I got a surprise for ya

but we gotta get out of here now.

Really. - What, right now?

- You might wanna take one of these bikinis.

- What?

- Its good, you'll enjoy it.

- Yeah? - I think.

- Oh, swimming in the middle of the night?

- [Tom] Just get a bikini and shut up.

You'll enjoy yourself.

- [Lucy] I'm excited. - Give us a kiss.

- [Bobby] Hello everybody.

It's now time for our charity auction

so I hope you got your check books ready.

- It is weird that Joey isn't here.

- Yeah I thought that cause they boys are here

aren't they? - Yeah.

- [Bobby] We've already seen him in his pants

so we know he's the full package.

Lets welcome to the stage Dan Osborne.

[cheering]

Right girls check him out.

He's six foot five...

[whooping]

he's 34 inches in waist.

[laughter]

It must get lonely.

Do we have a 30 pounder in the house?

- Go on then, yeah! [cheering]

- Shes got her money out!

- We'll do a hundred.

[cheering]

- We've got a one-er!

Have we got a 110 in the house?

Jasmin, 110? - 150.

[cheering]

- [Bobby] Ferne, are you going to let Jasmin

take this fine hunk of a man out or do you want him?

- 200. [cheering]

- [Bobby] Go on Nanny Pat!

Going once for... [cheering]

- [Pat] I've got my pension Book outside.

[laughter]

- Have I got 260 anywhere?

Is anyone going to top Nanny Pat?

- Do you know what?

I won big in Vegas so I'll go 300.

[cheering]

- [Bobby] I think we've found a winner.

300 quid going once?

300 quid going twice?

Sold to Ferne McCann!

Mister Osborne is yours for one night only.

[cheering]

- [Dan] Thank you, I appreciate you bidding.

I'll make it worth your money Ferne.

[cheering]

I'll show you how you should be treated.

[shouting]

- [Bobby] Oh no he didn't, oh yes he did!

[upbeat music]

- [Lucy] Why the hell are we in Southend?

- [Tom] Do you not think this is romantic, babe?

- Baby, you told me you was going to treat me

like a princess.

I don't know any princesses that come to Southend on sea.

Oh my God! - What?

We're on the coast.

We've got the sea, we've got the beach

we've got the hot tub.

- We just not got the weather.

- Exactly.

It's so romantic of me right? - It is.

- So we've been seeing a lot of each other, right?

- Why do I feel a but or something coming?

- No there's no but, there's no but.

But um... [both laugh]

I like you enough now Luc that I don't want to go out

and I don't want to be pulling other girls.

I'm pretty sure you do feel the same...

- [Lucy] I do feel the same. I just want to make sure.

- Obviously you haven't got to worry when I go out

so I just want to make sure

I was in the same sort of boat.

- That means a lot, you know that does.

I just feel like boyfriend, girlfriend comes with like

loads of pressure. - Okay.

- I'm not ready for that yet.

- Who's putting you under pressure?

- Everyone else, everyone's that's all their asking me.

- [Tom] I don't want to put any pressure on it.

I like how we are at the moment.

- You know what I've been through

in the past you know...?

- Yeah which is why I wanted to say it.

Okay? - Thanks Tom.

- So we're exclusive but you're not my girlfriend

no? - No.

- Okay, come here Miss Exclusive.

Give me a kiss.

[upbeat music]

- Alright now we've got something

for the boys in the audience.

- Arg how much money have you got?

- What you mean how much money I've got?

I've got my card on me.

- I've got this, yeah?

- [laughing÷} Oh my god.

- [Diag] I've got 2 pound...

- 2 pound 40?

- 50, 60, so I got £2.60 in my pocket right now right.

- [Lewis] For what some ice cream?

- Would you like to come on through miss Faiers?

[cheering]

Our sophisticated boutique owner has a lot to offer.

So can we start our bidding please at a nice round £10?

- [Elliot] Just for Sam.

- £10 to mister Wright. - I'll start at £250

just for Sam. [cheering]

- Was that a 250 did you just bang out?

- [Elliot] It is is, yeah.

- You've got 300 here.

- [Bobby] 300 quid from Charlie Sims.

[cheering]

- 500. - Shut up, 500!

[laughter]

Get your money out, 510 anyone?

- Ill tell you want it is for charity

we'll make it a grand eh, fuck it.

[cheering]

- It's a nice round grand.

Going once a £1000.

Going twice.

- [Joey] 2000!

- [Sam] Oh my god.

[cheering]

- Sold to Mr. Essex for two grand!

[cheering]

- [Sam] You're my night in shinning armour.

[upbeat music]