Original subtitles

sing songs, real life ructions and some random ramblings.

The tans you see might be fake but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is Essex."

- James, you will not be staying in my room tonight.

- Sam walked through, was holding the blond geezer's hand

and then later on she was sat on his lap,

a few of the boys said they saw her get with him as well.

- You also mentioned about a girl on Twitter,

and I asked you if you thought it was a good idea.

Her name is hundred percent, Peachy Nessa.

- I don't think you be with Ken anymore.

- You see, I think she knows it deep down.

- Is she going with him?

[Woman]- She's going with him!

- Did she just leave with him?

[jazzy pop music]

[bus brakes]

[Gemma]- I've gotta have a drink, I'm so stressed.

[Billie]- Have a nice glass, Gem.

- Oh, God.

- How's things, all right?

- Stressed, so my top lip's sweating.

I always get a sweaty top lip when I'm nervous.

Like literally my hands are like shaking.

- You've got nothing to be nervous about,

the shop's amazing.

- It's all done, it's lovely, everyone's coming.

It's gonna be a lovely night, don't worry.

- Everything's just come at once,

the moving, the shop, James Argent.

- Tell us what happened at the Murder Mystery.

- Yes, fill us in.

- Oh God, basically, James cannot keep his hands off of me.

- We all knew that, we knew that.

- And the passion was just there.

[Sam]- Yeah.

- And yeah, we made love to each other.

- So you done then?

- It was just so passionate, the way he was kissing me,

he like pushed me up against the wall.

- Did he?

- I was unbuttoning his shirt.

He was like on top of me and his chest,

and he was sweating and it was just passionate.

- Yeah well you definitely seem satisfied, that's for sure.

- I'm as happy as Larry, and I've never

smiled like this for a long time.

[laughter]

[rock music]

[Tom]- Smile!

- No, don't take pictures Tom.

Tom stop it mate, shut up.

- Oi, these don't look right what I'm taking of yous two.

- Joe, put your phone away.

[J]- I'm zooming in.

- I'm actually quite excited, you know,

I'm a little bit nervous, quite excited.

I haven't date for a little while.

- What's she like, have you spoke to her on the phone?

- Well she seems attractive you know,

on her profile picture on Twitter,

and yeah she seems like a nice girl.

- Have you spoke to her on the phone?

- No.

- So you haven't heard her voice, nothing?

- No.

[Joey]- Ah, mate, voice is quite an important thing as well.

[Tom]- Yeah, I think so too.

- Say you meet her and she goes "hello",

what you gonna do then?

- Or say she's got a James Lock voice,

"hello son you all right?"

[laughter]

- But I'm seeing her later and

I don't even know what I'm doing with her.

She likes musical theatre

so maybe something theatre related.

- When you spoke about it Gemma at the start was like,

she likes musical theatre, so do I.

- It'd be nice to have similar interests.

- I suppose.

[pop music]

- I think I'm more nervous now

than what I was thirty years ago for me wedding.

- I feel like it is a wedding.

- You didn't have none of this, did you,

when you first got married?

- No, no make up artist.

- No, no hair do or anything.

- Did me own nails.

- Cause I had none of this business,

you just had to get married and that was it,

the following day.

- I would say it should be a good day,

but I feel like I don't know if I can enjoy it

with all this stress going on with Ricky,

now he's, he's angry with me now

because of the boy at the hen party.

- Oh it's ridiculous, I wouldn't take any notice of it.

[Carol]- you've done nothing wrong.

God, you only had a drink with him.

- We went and got a drink and that was it.

I didn't see him again, I didn't get his number,

I don't even know what his surname is.

In fact I can't even remember what his first name was.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- But Ricky's like heard about it and gone mad,

and he's tweeted that he's fuming,

about this whole hen do thing.

- Just block him off, a lot of them are divorcing

over them twitters and whatever it is, twittering.

- One of the first things he said to me is

oh, I won't be coming tomorrow,

and I was just like whatever.

And now I'm thinking about it, if he doesn't turn up

he's gonna be in big trouble.

- Don't worry over it.

Oh hold on me curler's coming out.

[pop music]

- Watch out.

- Hiya [kisses]

- What, she only sells clothes for, overs-

is it rude to say oversized people?

- Yeah.

- Overweight?

- Nope.

- Yeah but it is overweight?

- But say it nicely.

- How do you say, bigger?

- What about bigger people?

- Heavy set?

[laughs]

- So, are you gonna start shopping in a shop like this soon?

- What are you trying to say?

[techno beat]

- So nice, isn't it, all this stuff?

- Yeah it's a shame we can't buy anything, isn't it?

- I know, I want some of these.

- I'm getting so much stick at the moment about my size.

- What, because you're so slim?

- It's really annoying me, because I'm healthy.

Here I am a six to eight, which is small,

but it's through exercise.

Like, Gemma's happy at the size she is,

I'm happy at the size I am, it's just the way it is, like.

- We're all really different, us girls aren't we?

- I just quite want my boobs back, though.

- Is that padding?

- Yeah [laughs]

- I was going to say, they're looking quite big today!

[techno beat]

- How come you and Abby didn't meet?

You've actually been dating her,

you've been on about five dates over the last four weeks,

and you still haven't done a thing.

- I'm learning.

- You're a pathetic specimen of a man.

- I'm learning to be a gentleman.

- You're not a gentleman.

- I am a gentleman, I've been good as gold.

- You're trying to, every time

you go on a date with her you hint...

- You all right?

- You all right, all right Diags, how are you?

- Hello

- Good?

- Yeah, good thanks.

- How've you been?

- Not bad, yeah.

- Good, is Joey coming?

- Don't think so, no.

- I like your parrot t-shirt.

[Sam]- Yeah.

- I know, yeah.

- You do look ridiculous, yeah.

This is a lovely dress, lovely dresses.

[Sam and Billie]- Thank you, thanks.

- Beautiful, Cor, this is awkward, innit?

- Oh look, cheers Gem.

[Gem]- If you're thin, you ain't coming in.

- I hear that Cyril Sneer's been doing some shit-stirring.

- Who, Mario do you mean?

- Mario

- Yeah.

- Yeah, but I think he just thought

Joey had the right to know.

- Yeah.

- Was there nothing happened then?

Nothing to tell?

- Not really, apart from the fact we was all at a table,

yeah, I was flirting, dancing,

and whatever else, but that's it.

It's like, you know, yous are all going away

in a couple of weeks, like I'm gonna be hearing things

and it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen.

- We just want everything to be all right, sweet,

we can all be happy.

- Yeah, no, it's fine, and I feel like we've all been

really awkward recently, like, you know...

[Diags]- Yeah, we don't need to,

we don't need to be awkward,

we should be able to talk to each other.

- Yeah, exactly.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Good?

[Billie and Sam]- Good, yeah

- Cheers, to Gemma

- To Gemma.

- This is a bit weird.

- This is a bit weird.

- This must feel like what it feels like to be you

and you're talking to me.

- What looking down at you, you bastard.

[laughs]

- Come on, get us measured.

You want to measure my sausage?

- From what I've just felt, there's nothing to measure.

- Go on, measure him.

- Oh, that sausage!

- I was like, I know we're friends again

but don't fucking overstep the mark.

- So I've got to alter your trousers then,

for the wedding vows.

- Yeah, that's gonna be interesting, the wedding vows.

It's quite a nice occasion to go to though,

to be invited.

- Yeah, should be good, should be good, be interesting.

- Yeah, I wonder if Ricky's gonna be up there,

sitting on the family table...

[light pop music]

- Thank you, cheers mate.

- Enjoy.

- Thank you.

- Come on, boy.

Christoph, it's Rick.

[Little Chris]- All right Ricky, what's happening?

- Buzz me up mate.

[Little Chris]- All right, sweet, bye.

[buzzer sounding]

- It's like the puppy club, innit?

- How you doing, you all right?

- Yeah not too bad.

- Let these, let these two play.

Come on, rascals.

What's the matter with you, you look angry?

- I am angry, I found out that she was like

flirting with some geezer, like,

like and I get it right, and I understand

that she can say well you done what you done,

blah blah blah, and I hold my hands up to that.

- If you're going forward, that's never going to work.

- But at the end of the day, what I done was a year ago,

and what she's doing is right now.

She's doing what she's doing now out of spite.

What I'm fighting and fighting and fighting

and I've done what I've done, and I've done wrong,

but I'm doing everything that I can to make that right,

but how can I make something right when she's doing that?

- At the end of the day, if she's gonna forgive you,

she either forgives you or she doesn't.

I made this mistake a long time ago, it's what I did.

- That's what I'm saying, it happened to you

and you done it back and it don't work.

- It doesn't work.

- And like I'm now getting it in my head that, right okay,

so whenever she goes out, she's gonna be thinking

how she can pay, get me back.

- Pay you back.

- And that even last night she was with me

and her phone rang, and it weren't a saved number,

it was just a random number, and she just looked at it,

put it down and put it in her bag, and I'm just thinking

it could be that geezer, like do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, it's gonna drive you mad.

- And it might not be true, it could be completely untrue.

- Things like this are gonna slowly

send you over the edge mate, and things will start.

- I'm going mad.

- Exactly, and things will start cracking mate,

and then you're gonna start hating each other.

- So are you gonna go to Carol and Mark's vows or not?

[pop music]

- All right Arg?

- What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

- I'm meeting someone, I'm going for dinner.

- What, Peachy Nessa?

- Oh, don't start, is this a prank?

- Peachy Nessa, that loves the wood oven?

- Oh, I don't believe it.

- The theatre.

- I don't actually believe it.

- All the things that you love.

- It was you the whole time, wasn't it?

Oh for fucks sake, oh I thought I was going on a date

with a really posh bird from Fulham.

- You'll never get a posh bird from Fulham,

you're an absolute joke.

- Why am I a joke?

- This girl that you was so in love with

cause she was posh and from Fulham.

- I wasn't in love with her, I just wanted, I met someone

on Twitter I wanted to meet her.

- And a size ten, I'm that girl Arg.

You've slept with me and basically used it

to your advantage.

- No I didn't.

- You then tried...

- No no no, that's bullshit.

We was on the tennis court, I was playing tennis,

and you was touching me all over the place,

rubbing me up and then got me, and then got me excited.

- You're deluded.

Good luck with your posh, slim girl.

- Oh don't.

- Who's gonna bore the absolute shit out of you,

cause you will realise one day that it's what's skin deep.

Well, enjoy your breadsticks and your posh bird

that you're gonna go out and get.

James, you will never ever, ever, ever

get in my bed again and mug me like you have done.

[sighs]

[beautiful piano music]

[birds chirping]

[light violin music]

[Officiant]- We are here today

to renew the sacred marriage vows

already taken by Carol and Mark.

Do you now wish to reaffirm the vows you took 30 years ago?

[Both]- Yes.

- Once before I've stood with you,

before family and friends.

Once again I take your hand as my partner.

I take you this day and forever as my loving wife.

- Today, tomorrow are for the rest of my life,

I promise to stand by you, dance with you in times of joy,

lift you in times of sadness to see old bones together,

to share the love and joy of grandchildren yet to come.

We have a bond that has worked so we can only say wow,

we did it, we've made 30 years

- Very good.

[cheering and clapping]

[Officiant]- And now, the wedding rings.

- You gotta coo, you've gotta coo.

[whistling]

- Oh shit.

- That is so sick.

- What's he got in his mouth?

- It's a bit of muck.

[applause]

- All right, I've got your wedding ring

that you told me that you'd lost.

- Really?

- You see I found our that when times were hard

in situations that you sold it and I got it back.

- Thanks very much for that, it still fits me as well.

[Officiant]- You may celebrate this renewal of vows now,

as once again, I pronounce you husband and wife.

[Mark]- Thank you.

[Officiant]- Mark you may kiss your bride.

[joyful rock music]

- I'm going to throw my bouquet, so fingers crossed.

[Ferne]- I need it.

[Bobby]- It's every gay and girl for themselves, babes.

[screaming]

- What a lovely party.

- It is pretty lovely day.

- Do you recon that one day maybe me and you

might have a 30th wedding anniversary?

- Yeah!

- Renewal of vows?

- I hope so, but we've got to get married first.

- Yeah, we've got to do the first set of vows first.

- I think we've got a few things

to come before marriage, don't we?

- We're the power couple around here,

and we can't forget that.

- Seems like we're the only couple

around here at the moment.

- I know, bloody hell.

- I've got to say I'm loving your white drain pipes.

[laughs]

- All right, what's wrong with them?

- Watch that Rose on them.

- You ought to watch where you sit in them as well.

- Where's Stan?

- He couldn't make it, he didn't want to come.

He's just really pissed off he can't...

- Doesn't want to see any, yeah.

- He needs a little bit of time out.

- Yeah.

- Is that why you've been hanging around with us today,

you don't got your partner in crime?

- Yeah.

- All right girls.

Got no mates now have I, no mates.

- Literally.

- Yeah.

[bouncy pop music]

- How'd your date go yesterday?

- The profile picture was a bit,

it was it was a bit way off, it was a bit...

[Joey]- Misunderstanding.

- It wasn't really...

[Tom]- Was she, was she photogenic?

- She wasn't really the girl I thought she'd be.

- It's not about looks, was she a nice girl?

You snogged her?

- No, basically, I've turned up to the date

and expected it to be this posh Vanessa

from London or whatever,

and it turns out to be Gemma Collins.

- What?

[laughing]

- Yes, and you know like she plays the size thing

all the time like she, even though I'm like nearly

18 stone she seems to think that

I won't be with her because of her weight

and that's just not true at all.

- Basically, what she's trying to say is

she's got all the same interests as you,

you can get on with her if you're just talking to her,

like, say if it was a blind date,

but then when you actually see her, you're not interested,

and that's what she's trying to prove to you.

- I am never, ever, ever gonna do any form

of internet dating again.

I will find girls going out face to face

and actually meeting them.

[pop music]

[cheering]

- Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention please?

[Cheering]

Right as you all know, that Carol and Mark

has renewed their vows today, and it should have been

my husband that was taking them down there

but I done it instead and it's been a lovely day

so everyone enjoy yourselves and have a lovely evening.

[cheering]

[Everyone]- To Carol and Mark! Thirty more years!

- I don't even have words for it any more,

do you know what I mean?

For the last three weeks I've been doing everything I can,

I mean every single possible thing in my body to do that,

writing soppy poems and fucking

turning up at restaurants with flowers.

I've been doing everything I can,

I've not even gone out since it happened.

- Do you reckon you should write another poem?

- No, this is what I'm saying,

I've done everything, I've done,

I've gone as cringey and as soppy as I could.

[Jess]- Why is he telling the whole fucking table

of people that I don't even fucking know?

- Exactly.

- Yeah like, Sam's sitting over there laughing

like it's a joke but d'you know what I mean,

she's just bitter, she's a bitter woman,

like her relationship's fucked up,

so now she wants to go over and tell Jess to leave me

because she don't wanna be on her own.

I just love her so much, I just wanna,

I just wanna make things right, that's all I wanna do,

that is all I wanna do, is make things right.

- Can we just all chat and laugh like we're having fun?

- Yeah, Jess.

- Let's get some shots in, Bobby order the shots.

- See look, do you know what I mean,

let's all get the shots in, like...

- It doesn't matter, let her do it.

[hysterical laughter]

- Stop with your fake laugh, he just acts like a child.

- Let's all get drunk and have a great time.

- Ricky hates all of them, he cannot stand

anyone on that table.

My mum's listening, my mum's listening.

What is he fucking doing now?

- I know it's well stupid but I went, now listen

I went through the same thing, believe me,

oi, Arg believe me, what did I say about Sam?

I said I needed more time, you need more time mate.

You do need to give it more time.

[Jess]- Embarrassing, fucking embarrassing.

[funky pop music]

- This ain't really a wedding isn't it,

it's more of a, what is it, like a ceremony?

- Yeah.

- I suppose you're saying I still love you.

- Yeah, I still meant what I did mean 30 years ago.

- I still mean it now.

- Which is really nice.

- That's nice he's doing it.

- Oi, you all right?

- Hey, Argy.

- Right, listen, I'm doing some private special messages

to Mark and Carol on their big day,

so is there anything you two want to say?

- Mark, Carol, I just want to say

if in 30 years I'll be where you two are,

I'll be a very happy man, so congratulations.

- Joseph?

- Hi Carol, hi Mark, it's Joey here what are you saying?

We're just cooching, signing your book, keeping it real.

You make a good camera boy Arg.

- Sweet.

- You say you're fighting, but you're not.

Fighting isn't going out to a club

and flirting with some geezer,

whether it's harmless or not, that's not fighting.

- It's me going out and feeling normal and just

trying to get my head around it.

- Feeling normal?

How is that normal?

- Because I was out with the girls

and I was just trying to get my head around the whole thing.

And he came up to me and he...

- Do you know how much, how angry I'm getting

just listening here, listening to that?

- Okay well let's just forget about that,

cause it's not relevant.

- I can't forget about that, it's not irrelevant.

You've gotta make a decision,

if you wanna be with me tell me.

If you don't and you want, you can't get over it

and you wanna move on, just tell me,

just let me know so that I can move on,

so I can fucking cry it out and let it all go.

Because at the moment I'm just

sitting at home doing absolutely nothing,

not doing anything, not going out,

just sitting there waiting for you

to give me an answer about something.

- I know that you're sorry and I know how upset you are,

and I'm upset, but I am so gutted

that I even have to even contemplate

the fact that you have even been with someone else.

- What do you want me to do?

I've done everything you, if I went to you now,

what more could I do you would say I don't know.

- I don't know.

- Because there's nothing more I can do.

- And if you ask me how I feel, I don't know.

- Exactly, so, but you need to draw a line.

You can't just sit there on limbo not knowing what you feel.

Look, at the end of the day, unless you tell me

you wanna be with me today,

I'm gonna just say goodbye to your mum and dad

and I'm gonna go home.

Cause I can't sit here and just watch you.

No, no I don't wanna just cuddle,

it's not gonna make things better.

You either wanna be with me or you don't.

[smooth guitar music]

[clapping, whistling]

- Come on everybody, dance.

Come on Tom, Sam come on, Lucy everyone up.

[funky dance music]

- I dunno about you, but watching that ceremony

and watching the first dance,

all I wanted was a guy to cuddle and have a dance with.

- Yeah, exactly.

- It's weird isn't it?

Joey and Mario are walking over, oh God.

- All right?

- All right?

- You okay?

- You all right?

- Yeah good, you?

- Can I talk to Sam alone, that all right?

- Yeah, okay.

- Can I talk to you Luce?

- See you later.

- Good luck.

- You look nice tonight.

- Thanks, what do you, what do you want to say to me?

- Sam, don't get the hump like that.

- I'm not getting the hump, but you know,

it's just one of those things.

- I know, I know, but the thing is like,

yeah, but I don't, listen, I don't want you

getting the hump about it, what Mario's told me

because Charlie sees it, everyone sees it

and they've told me, and it obviously, Sam,

it hurt me but you're moving on, Sam and I wanna see that.

- Yeah and so are you.

- You, you, I think sometimes you think that

I'm sort of like, like trying to move on

when I'm not, and you're like doing your thing.

- Don't think for one minute that I've not found this hard,

do you know what I mean?

Don't think that for one minute.

- I'm not saying that, I know you've found it hard Sam,

we was together a long time.

- Yeah like, I don't know, you was a big part of my life.

It's hard really.

- I know but the only thing is Sam,

I think it's gonna be harder if we stay in contact.

- You gotta follow this.

- But I'm a really logical person,

and I kinda look at things in the long run,

and I just don't know if what he's done I can get past.

- All right, Rick?

- Do you mind if I sit there?

- Of course not.

- I just wanna, look I just wanna talk.

- I know.

- I can't, I can't do it any more,

I can't keep arguing.

I've done everything I can in my bones, everything possible.

Like I just don't know what to do any more, I really don't.

- It's been interesting.

- Interesting?

- It's just been weird, you know, the wedding?

- I don't really know how to start, I feel sick.

- Can I just ask one thing, and I'm not,

I don't want an argument, and I...why?

- Because I was selfish.

This is honesty, after the Mark stuff.

No, no I'm not going back into that.

- I fucking paid my dues for that.

- But everything, I know I'm just saying,

everything that happened after that

was literally in that space of about five, six months,

and after that I think before, maybe like

a couple months before the engagement, that was it.

Then for the year after that I never did anything.

- Before the engagement you stopped?

- Yeah.

- You swear? - I swear to God.

- You swear.

- I swear to God, I swear on my mother's life.

I was a fucking idiot.

- You were.

- I know.

- It wasn't even what you did, it was the way that it,

I just felt like I was going insane,

I felt like everyone was trying to warn me and I just,

and I didn't wanna, I didn't wanna believe them,

I wanted to be with you.

I wanted to make it work and I actually,

part of me thought it was all rubbish,

when you used to say to me you weren't cheating,

I thought you weren't.

- It's a cliche I'm going to say, but it was

literally nothing, it was always a nothing thing.

- I don't understand, one thing I don't get

is I was laying at home in our bed

and you'd rather be with someone else.

- I wouldn't rather be with someone else, Lucy.

- Do you know how that makes someone feel?

- I know I've been a complete and utter dickhead, trust me.

I do sit there at home and think that I wish my Lucy

was still there to talk to and stuff,

that's why I'm selling the flat,

because every single time I go in there

it's like something is missing, you're missing.

[romantic music]

- I still love you after thirty years.

- You still love me after thirty years?

Why say that now, and not for the last thirty years?

- No, for the next thirty years as well.

[everyone awing]

- But you know from out of everyone, out of,

what sort of person I am, that this has been

the hardest thing in the whole world.

Look at me.

You know that.

All the questions in my head it's just been

playing over and over and I've needed time,

I've needed time to contemplate it all

and get everything in my head.

- Okay.

I'm shaking man.

- I don't know if I can forget it.

I don't know if I can trust you.

I don't know anything anymore, my head is gone,

but I do wanna try.

I feel like I do want to make it work.

- Oh really, this is all I want.

- Just give me a cuddle.

- I love you so much.

- Please don't let me down.

- I'll never let you down, I promise.

- You've ruined it now for me.

- What?

- Because when you propose to someone,

and you ask them to marry you..

- I know Sam, I loved you Sam.

- You always think it's gonna be just that one time.

- I know.

- So every day I still think about it

and I still go over in my head

what was wrong in the relationship, but.

- I know, and so do I Sam, that's what you don't understand.

- Obviously we weren't as strong enough

as we thought to work through it.

- I wanted you to be happy, and I know you're happier.

- Are you happy?

- Obviously I ain't been that happy,

but yeah, I suppose I'm getting on with it.

- Are you happier, are you happier

than when you were with me?

- I'd say I'm a happier person, yeah.

- Okay.

- Okay?

All right, one last cuddle?

You'll always have a place in my heart.

Okay?

- Do you know the worst thing about this whole thing

is that we were actually best friends,

you know everything about me, I know everything about you.

That's what makes it worse.

- The thing is Lucy, I still love you.

It pains me to say it, I do still love you and I miss you.

- Okay, well I guess I'll see you at things like this.

- I really am sorry.

- I know you are.

- I'm really, really sorry.

And you know I'll always love you, yeah?

Always.

[slow rock music playing]

[Arg]- Charlie!

Yes, my favourite place, the buffet!

And look who we've got here, Charlie and Ferne!

- Whoa, where did you come from?

- Hey it's been a really nice day, congratulations

and good luck for the future!

- Hopefully you spend another thirty years with each other,

cause it's sweet.

- I hope that we can make at least...

- Thirty years?

- Do you reckon that it's going to be thirty

after all your arguments keep walking off?

- Dunno.

[laughter]

[Arg]- [mumbles] Mark and Carol's big day.

- Really nice day,

- Excuse you, you've got to say good things boy!

- Yeah it's really, really really good day, yeah.

[Arg]- What about you two, any,

any bells gonna be ringing soon any men on the girls?

- No.

[Arg]- Are you enjoying that food, Ferne?

- I've got enough of it, yeah.

[Arg]- Show him, you do have a big plate there.

- I've got more [mumbles], the more the merrier.

[Arg]- Mario, anything you wanna say,

any lies you've tossed today?

- From you?

[laughter]

[Arg]- I just wonder about what do you reckon's

the biggest lie you've ever told?

- I told you you was a good singer once.

[laughter]

[Arg]- Lucy!

- Oh, where've you been all my life?

[Arg]- Oh no.

- You've ruined the photo, he has ruined the photo!

- It's the crump twins!

[Arg]- It's the fair sisters!

- We're not ugly.

[Arg]- How is life single and all that, I reckon...

- Where are we going with this, Arg?

- Well, well I just I reckon the job

that you and me will have,

I reckon we'll have have one of those nights

where we both just get really drunk

and like sleep with each other

and just like laugh about it the next day?

- I don't think that's ever going to happen darling,

but just keep dreaming it.

- Well why not though?

- Never.

- Why not?

- It just won't.

- I couldn't even make it past a year unfortunately,

so well done to make it thirty years!

And I couldn't though, no but I wanted to!

[Arg]- All right, all right.

Is there anything you two want to say on your special day,

what it means to you?

- Yes, Arg, we're very pleased you've come today.

- Mark and Carol, I hope you have another

30 years of happiness, lots of love.

[Arg]- And you're sure you don't want to sleep with me?

- No.

- Ever?

- Love you, Arg.

[Arg]- All right, bye.

[bright pop music]