Original subtitles

pooches, girlfriend troubles, and pumped up pecs.

The tans you see might be fake, but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is Essex."

[woman laughing]

- Why don't you two have a little kiss?

- No.

- Apparently on the first night Barry kissed Jasmine.

- What?

- The men in Essex have come off

so bad recently, haven't they?

- How'd you feel about that one, Rick?

- I'll let you ladies to it, then.

Boys are all skanks around here.

- I'm so fuming right now.

- You need a quickie with Arg in the bushes,

that will change your life.

[women laugh]

[upbeat music]

- The steak was lovely, the company weren't great.

- And awkward dinners.

- Yeah.

That's all I feel like I do with her now.

I feel like every time we argue,

I end up walking away.

She's just pulling all the wrong strings at the moment.

- Oi, oi.

- [Charlie] Here he is.

Arg. - All right mate.

Boys.

- What's happening?

- Ah, not much, mate.

Not too much, nothing exciting.

- Anyway, let's get straight in there,

so what's happening with you and Gemma?

[Charlie and Arg laugh]

- [Joey] I'm joking.

- It's funny this is, it's humongous banter.

- Why do you reckon she's going to be annoyed with you,

or do you reckon she's all right?

- Annoyed by what?

She did it.

- That people know this?

- I feel like I'm,

I've leaked it out, do you know what I mean?

- You have!

- I thought everyone knew.

[Arg and Joey laughing]

- You can't ask a girl at dinner in front of all her friends

and everyone, "Oh, is it true

"that you got banged in a bush earlier on?"

[all laughing]

You can't just say that.

I don't want to say too much

'cause I don't want to upset Gemma,

but you can say I completed my first ever Bush Tucker Trial,

[laughs]

that's all I'm saying, no more, no more.

- [Gemma] Right, look at us there.

- Yeah, you look lovely there.

Have you shown him these pictures recently?

- No, I can't be bothered.

I just think he's trying to make a mock

of something that was really,

like look how happy he is there?

- That's the look of love.

- You know, he forgets everything I've done for him,

and he just thinks it's funny

to permanently make the joke out of me.

He keeps trying to humiliate me,

"Oh yeah, me and Gemma are just mates".

Come on, you're obsessed with me mate,

you are obsessed with me.

- He is, he's in denial, massively in denial.

- He can kiss my ass.

- Good.

- Well, he'll never get the chance to kiss it again.

[Billie giggles] [upbeat pop music]

- We're all going to be characters,

and someone's gonna murder someone,

and then we've all gotta find out who the murderer is.

- How?

- That's part of the game, babes.

It's gonna be fun.

We get to all dress up 1920's style.

Sharing rooms 'cause obviously there's 12 of us,

and there's six rooms.

Dan and James, they share a room.

- Yeah, I suppose.

- Gemma and Arg can share a room.

- [Diag] Mario and Jas?

- No.

- I'm guessing you two are gonna share

'cause you're sort of like,

I know you're not official couple, but--

- It's your birthday, we'll get drunk, we're sharing a room.

- Oh, you've decided we're sharing a room?

- I know you two are gonna probably get it on.

- [Abi] What?

- Disgusting, Jasmin.

- [Jasmin] Hold on a minute.

- I would never assume just 'cause we're sharing a bed

that we are gonna have sex, ever.

[upbeat music]

- [Lucy] This one, yeah?

- [Customer] Yeah, yeah, definitely that one.

- [Lucy] Yeah, try these two--

- These two, please, thank you.

- [Lucy] Daniel.

- How you doing, you all right?

- Yeah, you?

- [Daniel] Yeah, good.

- [Lucy] Good.

- I'm sorry

that you've got these little kids talking shit, but...

- Some of them things aren't true.

- No, why on earth would I spend time

with you if I know I've got a baby on the way

with someone else?

- Well, that is what I thought, to be honest.

- That's the sort of thing only people like Mario would do.

That's the sort of thing he would do,

and I'm not like that fucking idiot.

But it's just the wrong thing to do.

- I don't understand why Ricky would say it then.

- [Daniel] 'Cause he's a pathetic little boy.

- He seemed like, he seemed really adamant

that that was the truth.

- I'm past caring about what Ricky says about me

or what big nose Mario says.

I don't care, I really don't care, I'm past care,

I've have had enough of all of them.

I'm not an aggressive person,

I'm not an angry person, but they're making me angry,

and I've had enough of it.

- I don't understand what Ricky's going to gain from this,

it's just weird.

- Ricky's a pathetic little boy.

I just think he's a little mug.

Him, Chris, Mario, they're all just,

it's embarrassing in fact.

I've had enough of people saying things.

- And also there is one more thing,

he said that you got with Jasmin in Marbella.

- I got with Jasmin in Marbella?

- [Lucy] Yeah.

- [Dan] How's that possible

when I spent the whole week with you?

- Well, so that's not true?

- No, I spent the whole week with you.

- So apparently, she's going around saying it.

- Right, I thought, I thought I got on with her as a mate,

to be honest, I thought we were mates.

But it just shows you again

there's another little bitch in Essex, seriously.

- I'm not a bitch.

[both laughing]

- Apart from you.

- Okay, well, you know what Dan, I know the truth,

you know the truth,

just don't let the boys get to you, please.

- What do you think?

- [Lucy] Ah, that looks nice.

Yeah, I think you should get that one.

- [Customer] Yeah, I love it.

- [Lucy] It looks really nice on you.

- [Customer] All right, thank you.

- You going to get that one, yeah?

- [Customer] Yeah.

- I'll let you get on to work, all right.

- Well it was nice to see you. - It was nice to see you.

See you later on.

- Don't worry about it all, okay?

- I'm sorry you had to hear all that.

- Don't be silly, - [Dan] All right.

- It's fine.

- [Dan] I'll speak to you soon.

- See you later.

- We went for a really nice walk on the beach,

and we just sat there on the rocks for like, for hours,

just looking at the stars, talking.

- So Jas, let me get this straight, right?

The first night of Marbella you snogged Danny O.,

and the next night he slept with Lucy?

- Yeah.

- [Charlie] Oh.

- When I see him later, I'm gonna go up to him,

or I will definitely see him,

so we'll see what he has to say.

- Happy birthday, Abi.

- Thanks, babes.

[upbeat pop music]

- [Jess] Every man in this book has got a mullet.

- What's a mullet?

- Mullet.

- What's that?

- You know, you should know what a mullet is.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- You know like when the men have got massive big hair.

- Oh, well, that's a new word for me,

you should have said hair.

- Just looking at your wedding book, dear.

- Oh, memories.

- [Jess] Wedding and marriage

- 30 years of memories, eh?

- Eh, yeah.

- Where's those 30 years gone?

- Yeah, there was a lot of people there in them pictures.

- There was loads of people, everyone she looked at,

"Do you want to come to my wedding?"

- No, I didn't, Mom.

- Yes, you did, everyone you looked at.

- It's just that we had so many friends and family.

- Yeah, so we are going to go out, all the girls,

limousine, big night out like as if--

- Do it properly dear, that's it.

- As if you're getting married again.

- Oh don't do anything stupid.

- Nan, do you want a stripper?

- I wouldn't mind.

- You might be in luck then, Nan. [laughs]

- I ain't seen one for years.

[all laugh]

- I just wanna be back with her and happy.

- Well, you know I love you both to bits,

and I can see that this has affected you both

in such a way that it's horrible to see,

and, I'm obviously going out with Jess tonight, so.

- Yeah, a hen night with her mom.

- Yeah, have a few drinks with the girls.

- All I need, drunk Jess

- I'll look after her.

- She'll be sending me abuse later.

[both laugh]

- [Bobby] Is that when you get abuse?

- Yeah, couple of wines in, that's it, abuse central mate.

[upbeat pop music]

- He's not answering, picking up my texts,

he's not answering my phone calls.

- No, really?

- I just said like, I'm sorry if I felt, if you felt

that I threw you under the bus.

I'm sorry for my flaws and my negative--

- I do think he probably is overreacting a little bit.

I wouldn't get yourself in a state about it, you've only...

- What's he gonna do, dump me?

- [laughs] Don't say that.

- He didn't like...

Oh my God.

- Hello.

- [James] How's it going, you all right, you good?

- Good, [kisses] good to see you.

- All right. [kisses]

- What brings you to Minnie's?

- Just come to see how you are?

- Pair of knickers?

[Sam and Ferne laugh]

- Have a chat, yeah, they're my size.

- [Ferne] They're your colour, James.

- Do you reckon?

- Mm.

What's the gossip?

- Did the Jasmin thing come before or after Lucy?

You can tell us.

- I'm not telling you.

- Was it anything more than a snog?

- Speak to Dan.

[Sam gasps]

- [Sam And Ferne] Oh my God.

- Exclusive, exclusive. [claps]

- We thought it was just a snog.

You'd have said, "Yes," if it was just a snog.

- Now, look, just, it's not my place to say.

- [Ferne] Oh my God.

- Something to keep on your own, but--

- [Sam] No.

- Sorry, James.

- Obviously you know I like ya,

and whether there's any point in me hanging around

or whether I'm wasting my time or not?

- Well, I don't really know what to say

because I never see it as anything other

than just us like going out,

having a good time. - Of course, yeah.

- 'Cause I'm not ready to move on yet in a relationship

or even go dating, but I dunno, really,

I feel a bit awkward.

- That's it, like I said--

- Just nothing serious.

- Us going in a group, yeah, telling you,

I don't want nothing serious.

- [Sam] Well then, that's it, that's cleared.

- Yeah.

- I'm glad we're all on the same page.

- Yeah.

[upbeat pop music]

- We've all gotta dress up in 1920s outfits.

- Yeah.

- And apparently, someone gets murdered.

- I'm telling you now, mate,

if someone murders someone tonight,

they are definitely getting caught.

You can't get away with murder.

You can't.

- [laughs] It's a game, mate.

They're not actually gonna murder him.

- Oh, who's going?

- Well, obviously, us lot.

Diags is going, but he gone with Abi and Jasmin.

- Yeah.

- And then, we've got Dan and his pal,

it's gonna be awkward.

- Yeah.

- Does it bother you at all, that he done all that,

sort of that shit?

- No, let's pop some tunes, boss.

[upbeat pop music]

- Aw, yeah, yeah.

[upbeat pop music]

- Are you gonna miss me?

Are you gonna miss me in the man cave?

- He's just staring you out.

- [Mario] He's well pissed off, look at him.

- He's like, "You've just got me back,

"but at least you're putting me

"in a five-star, you know, pooch palace."

- [Mario] How much is it a night here?

- It's 21 pounds a night, that includes all his food,

but if he wants to have a groom or a pamper session

in the spa, then that's extra, but that'll be 20 pounds.

- [Mario] He needs his nails done.

- He can have his nails done, so he can stay the night,

give him a little sparkle, bit of glitz,

and then, he can go.

Are you sure you're going, we've got his room ready?

- Yeah, it's fine, yeah.

- [Spa Owner] Yeah, okay.

Come on then.

- I'm going to Jasmin and Abi's like Murder Mystery Night?

- All right, okay.

- [Mario] Staying the night.

- Oh. [scoffs]

- Both Dan and James are going.

- Karma, mate, a dish best served cold.

- Well, here he is.

- Arg.

- What you got?

- Ah sick!

- Right boys, I gotta be honest,

I've eaten a little bit of it on the way over.

- You've eaten half my meal.

- Are you having a laugh mate, how big that is.

- You greedy fucker.

[laughs]

- Are you having a laugh?

- Snack box.

- Yeah, this is tiny.

- You know about this, you know I've sort of mentioned

about a girl on Twitter and asked you

whether you thought it was a good idea?

Well, basically, I started talking to her a little bit

and I've got to know her a little bit better.

- She fit?

- Her name is 100% Peachynessa.

- 100% Peachynessa.

That's a terrible name.

Looks like a good looking girl.

- How old is she?

- Let me have a look at her, mate.

- You must know how old she is.

- I don't know how old she is.

- Have you not even asked how old she is?

- I haven't asked her.

So what should I say?

- Say, "What are you up to fancy meeting up soon?"

- Fancy meeting up soon.

Sent.

- Mate, Gemma is going to be jealous.

- I think you deserve to find a nice girl anyway.

- Cheers Joe.

Gemma's been texting me abuse, ringing me abuse,

"How can you go around telling everyone?

"Making me look like this, look at that."

- The only reason Gemma is pissed off is

because she has splinters in both her hands.

[Arg laughs]

[coughs]

He's choking on his burger.

- Oh.

- No I'm alright, I'm alright.

[laughs]

- [Joey] Splinters, oh.

[upbeat music]

- A lot of people make the mistake

of putting bronzer all over their face,

when really they should just do it here, here,

here, here, here.

- And that little bit of bronzer, honestly,

can make the world and his dog look better, can't it?

So are the hens looking for any cock tonight

or is it just a man? [girls laugh]

- Probably.

- Obviously when I bumped

into Rick I told him we was going out tonight.

- Yeah.

Are you a single lady tonight or are you taken?

- To be quite honest, Bill, I literally have no idea

and I'm just going to go with the flow.

If anything, he's losing me more every day.

[dramatic piano music]

- Yes, I'm so excited, happy birthday.

Mwah.

- Thank you.

Right, here's your little murder mystery thing.

- I'll read yours for you.

- Yeah?

[dramatic music]

- Welcome!

[dramatic music]

- [Diags] So this is our room.

- What do you mean it's our room?

You can't decide that you're sleeping in this bed.

- Yeah I can, I'm right side you're left side.

- Gotta make me your girlfriend

before you'll be sleeping anywhere.

[laughs]

- Lovebirds!

- Hello.

- Well hello there.

- Can I just ask, Abi, who are you sharing a room with?

'Cause I need to know for myself.

- Well you said me and you was getting ready together

and sharing a room.

- Right.

- Look I'll take care of Jasmin,

you two look after yourselves, all right?

- [Jasmin] Um no.

Ah! [screams]

- Come on.

- [Diags] See you later guys.

- Bye lovebirds!

- [Jasmin] Put me down now! [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- The only good thing is apparently sailors are quite sexy

so obviously I'm going to look quite sexy in my uniform.

Mario!

- Hello.

[laugh]

- What did you say?

- I said what's happening shagger?

[laugh]

- You've heard?

- Well everyone's heard. - Oh.

- Everyone knows about it mate.

Everyone knows now.

- [Arg] Well what have you heard?

- You're the talk of the town. - It's typical isn't it?

How you been anyway, you been all right?

- Good man.

- What you been up to?

I ain't seen much of you recently.

- [Mario] Checked Bentley into a dog hotel earlier.

- [Arg] Did ya? [laughs]

- [Joey] Did ya?

- After his kidnap ordeal I thought I had better, er,

better put him somewhere nice.

My break-up feels like the longest break-up,

cause of something after something after something.

- Yeah but I'm the same way Mario.

Exactly the same thing has happened to me.

- Have you been with anyone since?

- No.

- No.

I don't need to talk to you, like, then.

- Why what about?

Is it bad?

- I'll tell you about it later.

- All right.

[upbeat music]

- [All] Carol, Carol!

Carol, Carol!

Carol, Carol!

- Yeah!

Hey, hey, hey.

- [All] Yeah!

- You know what,

I only wish that we could be at one of your hen do's.

- It should have been us, it should have been us.

- To the love of your lives, who are yet to be found.

- Yes.

- [All] To the love of our lives who are yet to be found.

Yeah!

[upbeat music]

[1920's style music]

- James, why do you keep winking at me, James?

- I think he might have a little thing with Gill.

- [Gemma] Winking at me.

- There we go, seen that.

- [Diags] Happy birthday Abi.

- [All] Happy birthday Abi, yes!

- Yes!

[all cheer]

- Right, thanks everyone for coming,

I've chose all your characters.

- [All] Ooh!

- We all will find out who the murderer is.

- [Diags] Dan, tell us what you're about.

- I'm a hunter, if you didn't realise.

[all laugh]

- Subtle.

- [Diags] Arg, what are you?

- I'm William Piece, I tend not to flirt with women,

but sometimes just you know...

[all giggle]

- [Diags] Mario, what are you?

- I am Hugo Furst.

I'm a test pilot, I treat my women like I treat my planes.

[all laugh]

- I'm Madame Ena and you address me as Madame.

And basically I'm mystical, I've got my crystal ball here,

and I can tell you all your futures.

And James I can tell you yours,

you will not be staying in my room tonight.

[all laugh]

- I don't need a bedroom. [pretends to cry]

[all laugh]

I'm joking, Gem.

[upbeat music]

[girls cheer]

- [All] Off, off, off!

[girls scream]

- [Woman] Oh my God.

Get it off!

- Where was the willy?

Where was the willy?

- Pat, how come you got the dance and I didn't?

I'm the single lady over here!

- I'll go to bed and dream about it.

[all scream with laughter]

[piano music]

- The FBI have tracked down some

of the weapons they are likely to find...

Oh fuck knows, Abi, I don't care.

Ah, Gemma, can I try a bit of your pasta?

- Yeah, if you want some, pass your plate up.

I have to say when I was going out

with him I was a lot thinner and you know the reason why?

'Cause he was always eating my food.

- Have you got worms?

- [Man] Ooh!

[Arg laughs]

- Yous two suit, honestly.

- Hugo did you notice that the cellar was unlocked

at the rear of the house when you came in?

- Um.

[all laugh]

- [Arg] Tell the truth Mario,

it's not like you to lie, is it?

[all laugh]

- Absolute nonsense, I don't know what you're talking about.

Unlike you I don't kiss and tell.

- [All] Oh!

- Why what was you arguing about mate?

- Me arguing?

We exchanged a few cross words.

It was nothing, not really.

He was just saying I was too clever for my own good.

But I've seen animals bluff before,

I know when to stand my ground,

if...

- I have no idea what you're...

Can I say one thing?

If I ever need to go to sleep will you wait for me?

[laughs]

[coughs]

- [Girl] Jasmin!

- Dan let me try a bit of that steak.

- [Joey] I've got a quick question for her as well.

- Do not give him the steak.

- [Arg] Shut up Gemma.

- What are you doing?

You've had three dinners!

- No, I haven't.

I had one dinner, a bit of your pasta

and a little bit of steak.

- Listen geezer, you'd better go doctors mate,

you've got problems.

Honestly, you've got something living inside ya.

[1920s jazz music]

[upbeat dance music]

- Yeah!

[upbeat dance music]

- I don't think she should be with Ricky any more.

- But she, I think she knows it deep down.

- She does.

- Ricky's going to kill me for saying this,

but she needs to see there's other options.

- [Arg] Who done it?

Go on.

- [Frankie] Who was it?

- [Abi] Who do you think the murder is?

- I think the murder is Hugo Furst.

- Because?

- Because you're sneaky as fuck.

[all laugh]

- Let's go, let's go!

- [Abi] Right, who's next?

- I think also it was Hugo,

'cause I agree, you're a little bit sneaky.

- [All] Ooh!

- Lauren, I'm just getting started.

- [All] Woo!

- [Man] One liners, one liners!

- I thought the murderer was Dan.

- [Man] Yes!

- [Jasmin] I just think we've heard a bit

of lies going around with you, so I think it's you.

- I don't give a fuck.

[claps]

- I've just realised that this is actually real life.

- That's what I'm saying, you div.

- So I thought it was a game.

- [Arg] It's supposed to be, it's supposed to be fun.

- It's real life, but innuendoes.

- [Girl] We're just justifying, I'm just justifying.

- [Joey] So that means I've been playing the game

the whole time, I didn't even know that.

- [Diags] Char, who do you think it is?

- [Abi] Who do you think it is, Char?

- I think the murderer is Gemma.

[all laugh]

- It ain't.

- [Man] Absolute liberty!

- Absolute liberty, you are in a bad mood.

- Yeah you are in a bad mood though, Gem.

- And I'm not sure why... - It could be true.

- But I think it might have something to do with this guy.

- No I'm in a bad mood

'cause I have to sit round this dinner table

with, with you.

- Me?

- And your big trap.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Blabbering on with your mouth off about nothing.

- No but Gemma if I, all right listen,

everyone knows what's happened, yeah.

I might have told maybe one friend or a couple of friends,

and it might have accidentally got out.

No-one's, no-one's taken the piss out of ya,

no-one's laughing at ya, everyone...

We'll talk in private.

- I will never talk to you in private again.

[upbeat dance music]

- So he said he's never got with Jasmin, ever.

- Really?

- But I believe him.

- This is my side.

James come into the shop earlier--

- Shut up.

- And I went, "Apparently they snogged,"

and he went, "Yes, but..."

- So they did snog?

- Well, I don't know.

- Oh do you know what, Sam, I actually don't care.

But everyone keeps going on about us

and it's really annoying me.

I'm moving on, like let's just leave it.

- Cheers to that.

- I don't care.

- I'm in such a weird place, Bob,

such a weird place if I'm honest.

- I've got to say though, tonight I've seen you,

you're looking glamorous,

you're looking beautiful as always,

and you look like you're having a laugh

and you've almost, not forgot it,

because it hurts deep down.

- Yeah.

- But you're putting a brave face on.

- Yeah, I can't keep crying.

- But how have you been?

You must be texting a few people.

- No.

- You are. - No.

- You are definitely texting someone.

- Right, there's been a few offers but I...

Where I am right now is that I'm not ready to date

or move on, and I'm just single and having fun.

- Don't rush into anything.

- And that's it and--

- That's how I feel now,

I want to go out and have a good time,

I'm not like bothered about a man.

- On that note, Max.

- I know what you're going to say.

Oh for God sake.

- What's going on there?

- Well, there's not much to tell.

Like we've been messaging and he invited me to a gig.

- Any single band mates?

[Lucy laughs]

- I don't know, I'll ask.

But, yeah, no, he's really nice,

but it's very, very, very, very early stages.

[1920's jazz music]

- Cheers mate.

- Seriously you've proper glammed it up tonight.

- I think you should know,

when we was in Mayfair the other night,

me, Charlie, your cousin. - Yeah.

- A few of my boys, Sam walked through,

was holding a blond geezer's hand,

and then later on she was sat on his lap as well,

in the corner of the club,

a few of the boys said they saw her get with him as well.

- Who is this boy anyway?

- I've no idea who he is,

I've never seen him before in my life.

If it was me I'd want to know.

- Well I don't understand why she is doing it

in front of you and Charlie.

Surely she knows Charlie is going to tell me.

- [Mario] That's what I thought.

- Okay, don't matter.

Do you know what, I might tell they boys,

next time someone find out something,

I'd rather just not know.

- Not know.

[1920s jazz music]

- Gem.

- You all right?

- Just tell me the truth, before I come in here,

are you going to chuck a drink over me?

- Swear to God I'm not.

- All right.

- Look I'm just, I'm not angry with you.

Well, I am a little, well I am angry with you,

but I just always feel, all right, I've had a few drinks,

yeah I've gone a bit on the turn.

- Bit on the turn?

Oh my God, you showed me up in front of everyone.

- But you're winking, you're winking at me

around the dinner table like when no one else is looking.

- Yeah, yeah, I am, yeah.

- And you just think that I'm a sure thing

and you're going to have sex with me tonight

- I don't think that, necessarily.

- Really?

- It's depends how many of these I have.

No I'm joking, that was a joke.

- I should not be made fun of.

- No, no, no-one's making--

- You shouldn't make fun of me.

- No-one's making fun of you, that's for a start.

- Because you really are very lucky.

- I am very lucky.

- [Gemma] That I have even entertained you, James.

- I know I am, but it's hardly like, you know,

we've been going on dates

and it was rose petals and champagne.

It was just, it's just been a bit of fun, ain't it?

But you don't really want that either, do ya?

No?

- No.

- Come on give me a hug.

Gemma, I'm not been nasty to ya,

I'm just been honest with you.

- I don't want to be with you.

- I know you don't want to be with me, so what,

I don't understand, what's wrong with that,

why have we all got to get...

- [whispers] You're so nasty to me.

- I'm just being as honest as I possibly can,

because I don't want to sit here and say to you,

"Gemma, I can see us getting back together" or "Gemma--"

- I don't want to get back together with you,

but just stop winking at me, stop all of that.

[sobs]

- [Arg] Okay, all right,

I'll stop that. - You're out of order.

- If you feel, if you feel by me flirting...

- No it's not that.

I've just gone through a break-up, James, I'm vulnerable.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

- [Gemma] Don't make fun of me.

- I won't make fun of you, I promise you.

You know I love you to bits.

[upbeat dance music]

- When there's nothing there

and he knows he's got you at home.

- He does.

- Hello, you all right? - Hiya, you all right?

- Yeah, I was just with a couple of my pals

and I said I would come over

and I thought you looked very pretty tonight.

- Thank you.

- That's all right.

- What's your name?

- My name is Anthony, sorry, nice to meet you.

You alright? - Nice to meet you, I'm Jess.

- Nice to meet you.

- [Lucy] Jess is getting chatted up first.

[laughs]

- [Sam] Bob!

- Bobby, come here.

[whispers] You look like a gooseberry.

- Who is that?

- I don't know, he's fit.

- He is quite fit.

- What are you doing here tonight then?

- Had a couple of mates wanted to go out,

so we thought we'd pop out and just have a go.

- Yeah I saw you on the dance floor with your moves.

- Yeah I got my top like pulled off me.

- You should, you should keep that like secret, you know.

- What?

- For the special ones.

[laughs]

- She's doing nothing wrong.

- She is not doing anything wrong.

- Hello, he cheated on her, she's single.

- Yeah and there is very good eye contact going down.

- I haven't seen her smile this much in weeks.

- Your eyes are really blue, aren't they?

- Do you think?

- Yeah, like really blue.

- You've got really great eyes yourself

- Ah, thank you.

Quite small.

- Matches the dress, it's all very nicely done.

- Thank you

[gentle music]

- I used to be good at this man.

- How you going, boys?

- Hiya mate, how's it going mate, you cool?

- [James] Yeah good.

You good?

- What's happening?

- Well basically, I just want to clear the air

about the whole me and Sam situation.

- Yeah, yeah.

- [James] I think you got the wrong end of the stick,

to be fair.

- No.

- Like you know I have known Sam a lot of years,

I've know her since she was 17,

and obviously she was a bit down--

- Believe me, James, I promise you now,

I was going to let you know,

on the bottom of my heart right,

when this all first went on it killed me, it killed me,

like devastated, right,

but that was the first time I see it, you know what I mean,

so it hurt me a lot.

- It's understandable.

- What it was is I was angry at that point

but there's nothing, I was angry at myself,

because who else can I be angry with, James,

you know what I mean?

You ain't done nothing wrong, she's a single girl,

I don't really know ya.

You can do what you want, she can do what she wants as well.

Do you know what I mean?

I still love the girl and I will always care for her

and always look after her and never let anyone speak,

like be horrible to her,

but, you know, she, she'll find someone new one day,

you know what I mean, she will find someone new

and I'll be happy for her.

I want you to know that you've cleared the air

and it's sweet and we're sweet and there's no--

- It's cool. - There's nothing there.

- Shake hands on it. - Nothing there.

- [James] Leave it there.

- All right. - Nice one, yeah.

- [Joey] Sweet.

- I'll let yous to crack on.

- [Tom] Cool, take care mate.

[1920s jazz music]

- So good.

- Hi Dan! - How's it going,

you all right?

- Good, you all right?

- Yeah, not too bad.

The game got a bit intense, didn't it?

- I know.

- I know.

- I think everyone took it a bit too serious

and you thought I was the murderer.

- I did, I genuinely think you are.

- What was the liar comment about?

What's that, I'm a liar?

- 'Cause you have been lying a bit, Dan.

- Why, what have I lied about?

- I feel that you are, like literally,

trying to come across as this really nice person

and just lying about it.

- I don't to explain to any of you people, I really don't.

Things that happened with Lucy is nothing to do with you,

it's really not.

- Dan, you're forgetting, right, that in Marbella,

the night before we went on a stroll on the beach

and we was like sitting there for a few hours,

really getting along well.

- [Dan] Right.

- And had a little kiss.

And then the next day you go off with her.

- Right, it's nothing, it's nothing like that,

but do you not understand--

- [Jasmin] Dan, so it's not as though I'm not involved.

- All right.

- You're trying to be this nice person, Dan.

- [Dan] But I am a nice person, that's the thing.

I am a nice person.

- Yeah, but then everything you're saying, you're lying.

- Clearly I've been too nice to all of you fucking idiots.

- But you're lying, Dan.

- That's the difference.

- But Dan, I think that's really hurtful.

- Right, but I've tired being myself

and I've tried being nice to people

and everyone wants to bitch behind my back.

- If you've done something, honestly,

you know people are going to give you shit,

just say to them yes, I did it, piss off.

- We shouldn't be having this conversation,

if we're friends, if we're friends--

- [Jasmin] We should Dan,

because obviously we has something in Marbella as well.

- But if we're friends and then we talk about normal things,

we have a laugh,

we don't talk about what's happened a month ago.

- Yeah, but we did have something in Marbella as well, Dan.

It's not like I'm just like a random person.

Anyway, enjoy your night Dan.

- It's fucking pathetic.

See you later girls.

- [Abi] See you later.

[upbeat dance music]

- We're glad you came.

- Right, please stop, both of you.

- [Sam] Lucy and Max sitting in a tree.

- Please stop, please stop,

I swear to God, if you don't stop...[laughs]

- I don't suppose I could be cheeky

and maybe grab you to get a drink?

- Em yeah okay.

- Yeah? - Let's get a drink.

- All right.

- Is she going with him?

- [Sam] She's going with him?

- Did she just leave with him?

- He must have said something right.

[knocks]

[upbeat music]

- [Announcer] Next time, on he series finale

of "The Only Way Is Essex."

- Thank you all for coming here today to help Mark

and Carol to celebrate their special moment.

[crowd cheer and clap]

- Just tell me, just let me know, so that I can move on,

so I can fucking cry it out and let it all go.

- I wanted to be with you, I wanted to make it work

and I was laying in home in our bed

and you'd rather be with someone else.

[upbeat music]