Original subtitles

- [Narrator] The following programme contains fake hair,

hot air, and Gemma's lovely pair.

The tans you see might be fake but the people are

all real, although some of what they do has

been set up purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is Essex.

- Disrespectful doing a sex tape in my bed.

- What are you talking about?

- He thinks it's like Joey's little wold.

He needs to get over himself.

- You don't need to share your opinion with everyone

'cause not everyone cares.

- I come above it with the same.

- Do you feel I've got tight knots at the top.

- Yeah, very, very tight.

- Mm, that's 'cause of you.

- Last thing I'm worried about is Mario.

[electro jazz pop]

[upbeat music]

[moaning]

- Who's winning?

- 40, 30 break point, smashing it.

- Fucking sweating, fuck off.

- Ahhh return, ace.

- Honestly, I will smash you at tennis.

- The only thing you know

about tennis is Anna Kournikova.

Fuck off.

[pop music]

- It smells fishy to me, this house [cracks up].

- I wanna see it.

- Billie, saucy minx!

- I am joking.

- [Jess] Oh dear.

- It is quite funny thought, isn't it, six,

half the room is getting around Essex so quick.

Also, Lucy's like Miss Prim and Proper,

so that's like the furthest see I can imagine her,

like do it.

- And what is your pornstar name, isn't it like you--

- [Billie] It's like your first dog's name.

- Your first dog's name.

- And your--

- Your mom's surname.

So mine would be Cassie Burka.

- Yours' is quite good!

Mine would be Dave Wells.

- [Jess] Dave Wells?!

- My first animal was called Dave, the hamster,

and my mom's surname is Wells.

- You can't be having Dave, that's a bad pornstar name.

- That is awful isn't it.

- So Ricky's out today playing golf with my dad.

- Is he?

- Yes.

- So it's an icebreaker, isn't it?

Well at least he's trying.

- We're not a happy couple, happy families yet,

I just can't stand that everyone looking,

being like, "Mm, she's forgiven him then."

I just feel that such a mark.

- I want to get a house, instead of a little flat,

I want a house with a garden, so I can have a hot tub.

- So where you looking, still round here though?

- Yeah, I'll stay round here,

'cause obviously you've gotta clean it

so, you'll be lost without me, mum.

- I know I would.

You'd be lost without me Mario, don't play that one.

- Whatever.

[phone rings]

Hello.

- You got a minute?

Yeah, I'm gonna pop up, I think we need to talk.

- Yeah, go for it.

- Alright bye.

- Dan's coming up to speak to me for a minute.

- Do you want me to stay here or?

- You can stay here, Mum.

If there's something he wants to say to me,

he can say it to me.

- [Tom] Yes, in there with those aces, mate.

- Ahh, he's done it, he's done it again.

Boys, you do realise that playing this computer game

or whatever ain't gonna help you win my tennis tournament?

- [Tom] Mate, fuck your tennis tournament.

[laughing]

- Bagsy, I go with Gemma.

- It's mixed doubles, you've gotta be with a girl.

- Mixed doubles, you gotta be boy and girl,

Bagsy I go with Gemma.

- I'm not going with Gemma, I'm not going with Gemma.

- No, you are going with Gemma.

- Boys, boys, I think we should flip a coin,

'cause then it's all random, isn't it?

- There's no way I'm entering this tournament with Gemma,

I'm not losing, I don't lose.

- Ahh, Bentley.

- Lucy's asked me to bring him back for ya.

- What's happening?

Bentley, alright, alright Bentley,

did you have fun with mummy?

No, yeah, didn't think so, it's better here.

I was expecting to hear from you.

- I just wanted to come and speak to you about something,

I'm guessing you know what I'm here to talk about?

I dunno what Chris is telling you, obviously,

that's why I've come here to find out.

- All he's told me is that the first night we was

in Marbella, when you and Lucy slept together, yeah?

Yeah?

Don't lie, I know, I know you slept together.

- All right.

- Yeah, you slept together.

And that you apparently videoed it.

- If you believe him that's up to you, mate,

and then you're sort of mugging yourself off in a way.

- Dan, at the same time, you've got a reason to lie,

because at the same time.

- I ain't got no reason to lie, I really don't.

- You have got a reason to lie Dan,

'cause I'm not being funny, you've got a girlfriend

who's carrying your kid.

You've got a bigger reason to lie than anyone.

- Alright, I've got bigger things going on.

- Yeah, but you've got a bigger reason to lie.

- What does it matter to you anyway?

If you ain't together, why do you care?

- 'Cause to me she's still my ex-fiancé

and I still love the girl and I still wanna protect her,

and this is the thing that's fucking me off with you,

to be quite fair, is that when we was

in Marbella you told me you had a girlfriend.

You told me you had a girlfriend, the night before.

- Right, an ex-girlfriend, I'm not,

that's the thing we're actually, we're not together.

- No, mate, you told me you had a girlfriend.

No, you told me you were still with your girlfriend

and you didn't know what to do about it

because the whole, all the sort of scenario,

you didn't really know what to do about it.

And that night you fucked Lucy, so that's the truth

of the matter, you can sit there and deny it all you want.

- But I wasn't, I haven't been with my girlfriend.

- Okay, but I know what you told me to my face.

You turned round and said, I'm still with my bird,

I dunno what to do with this whole situation.

- I definitely didn't say that.

- Okay, I must have dreamt it, I must have dreamt it.

- Ever since I, obviously the thing with Sam,

seeing James and that, it's like, forgot me.

- And people keep saying to him, why you gotta rub it

in Joey's face, he's like, "'Cause I can, 'cause I can."

- What you need is motivation, you need someone

to look you in the eyes and tell you,

"You're Joey Essex, you're good looking,

you're an intelligent, young man."

[laughing]

- I'm not intelligent.

- And you've got a lot going for you,

you've got loads of friends around you,

loads of family, everyone loves you,

and starting at the tennis tournament,

you're gonna enjoy yourself and have fun

and we're gonna see you acting like an idiot.

- The reason I'm bothered is 'cause it is

for the first time to see her with this boy,

you know what I mean?

- Yeah, just so soon.

- Joey, as if you give a monkey's about James,

he's no threat to you whatsoever,

he tweets silly things but he's got

about 10 twitter followers, so who cares?

- Give a monkey's, do I even want a monkey anymore?

[laughing]

- He put you off.

- Yeah, he's put me off.

- Has he really though?

- Yeah, I want a duck, I want one.

[laughing]

[pop music]

- Perfect, and one more Erika, yep straight to the camera.

[snapshot]

Oh hang on a minute.

- Hello!

- Hey, are you good?

- How are you?

Oh, you're nice and warm.

- Nice and warm, I missed ya.

- [Lucy] Sorry Rose, can you give us one sec?

- [Rose] Yeah!

- Thank you, I'm freezing.

- Do you want my jacket?

- [Lucy] I don't want it.

- Do you want it?

- Yes please, oh thanks Dan, you're a gentleman.

- I've just been to see Mario.

- Thanks for taking Bentley back for me,

it just mean I didn't have to face him again,

I couldn't bear it, but he's my dog but,

you know what, I'm not like Mario, I'm not spiteful,

and I know how much he loves that dog, so thanks

for taking him back for me.

- No, I just wanted to go speak to him,

I don't know all this stuff about this sex tape

that's going around, I just wanted to clear it up,

it's not fair that you havin' people thinking

that about you.

- So what did he even say, what's his reasons,

why did he even care?

- He just said he still loves you,

He seemed quite genuine.

- Okay, probably still does love me

but I'm not getting back with him, he's just trying

to play a game with everyone.

- Yeah.

- And it's backfiring in a massive way.

Thanks for the hugs Ian, my hero.

- Yeah, I was just curious, it's ridiculous.

- Well thank you anyway, you didn't have

to go see him and clear it all up for me

but that's really nice of you.

- It's fine, just something I do.

[laughing]

I got your back.

- You look freezin', sorry I nicked your jacket.

- It is a little bit chilly, aw thanks you can keep me warm.

- I just wanted to cuddle, all that I wanted.

- Thanks.

[pop music]

- You look like Sandy from Grace.

- Yeah, Danny you could be Sandy.

- I just think, "Why are you tweetin' that?"

Open a can of warms.

- He knows exactly what to do to wind people up.

- To be honest, I don't care, like it's funny,

like it is funny, I'm never gonna go,

"Why did you tweet that," because I don't see it

like that, but can you imagine how everyone

else is seeing it, Joey knows I don't fancy

and want to go out with James.

- You just had a little flirt, a little chat

and that was it.

- I want to draw a line under it.

- Yeah, draw a line under it.

- Just say, "Do you think there's ever gonna be a point

where you can put the olive branch out?"

- He won't know what that means.

- Well you and Arg will be playing doubles together.

- Hope not because I can't play.

Yvonne has been like, get an outfit,

get a proper tennis outfit and it's like,

"Arg, I will turn up as I turn up."

- Yeah, oh he's gonna be doing the whole look.

Gemma, I'll teach you how to play tennis.

- That's what we're gonna do.

- You and Arg will be out in force

on the tennis courts.

- Ew.

- Play.

- Come on Chloe, for God's sake.

- Here, here.

[laughing]

[yelling]

- All right, love all.

- Are you all right, I got you.

Oh piss off, who cares about tennis?

- Do you actually like tennis?

- Not really, skinny legs and big feet

in flat shoes is never a good look, is it?

What is this fly's problem, seriously.

This is the only thing about tennis,

it's the grass, the bugs, the nature.

- Outdoorsy.

- Yeah, give me that racquet, I need to kill a few flies.

- Have that, come on!

- Well done, Tom.

- How's it going, mate?

- Well done, mate.

- Well played mate, unlucky, ahh, bad sportsman that is.

- Hold on one sec.

- D'you feel alright?

- You look like you're knackered.

- I know, I'm.

- I'll give Dan a game in a minute.

How d'you feel to not have your right hand man

with you, mate?

- I dunno, I dunno, in a way I feel,

I don't feel bad actually,

'cause obviously he wouldn't really be able

to come here with Joey here, it'd be awkward,

do you know what I mean?

And where you guys, but I don't see that as a reason

why I can't speak to you,

d'you know what I mean and obviously...

- Nah, we want you here.

- To be fair I, we used to get on with him,

but after he's done that it just puts us

in an awkward position so we can't be mates

with him, can we really?

- He aint a bad person, d'you know what I mean?

Lucy asked me to take Bentley back.

- You dropped Lucy's dog back to her ex-boyfriend,

that's such a liberty mate, how's he got the front

to do that?

I've been banging your bird but here's your dog.

- I didn't see it like that,

I was just dropping the puppy off.

[laughing]

- Yeah, don't worry, I've been looking after him Mario,

it's cool, sweet, no worries, here's your dog, sweet, cool.

- So you're with your ex-girlfriend back now again?

- We've been spending, obviously I've been spending a lot

of time with her, it's just nice the way it is.

I don't wanna go and change it and then argue

and then it's, I just wanna make everything

as good as I can.

- Man, that is fair play, to be honest, ain't it?

- That's so grown up mate.

Tom, listen, yeah, he's worried about his baby

and all things like that, tonight we're going

to look for a beast, it's a little bit silly isn't it?

- What have you gotta find?

- Joey reckons, what's it called, the Beast of Brentwood.

- The Breast of Brentwood

- Apparently it's like an animal, is it,

like a cat or something.

- Like a big puma.

- And you're going to the forest to try and find it?

- Yeah, he wants to go and find it, yeah.

- That's what 22 year old men do, do you know what I mean?

- Sounds adventurous.

- We search for stuff in forests.

[laughing]

- I'd love to play tennis.

- If you had to date one of the men tennis players,

who would you date?

- Boris Becker all day long.

I mean there's something just so sexy about him.

- He doesn't play any more.

- So?!

Cor drink up, I've finished mine.

- Why don't you finish that one as well?

Maybe we can go and play a little, oh my God,

Ferne what are you doing?

- oh my god!

- Uh oh, ring up EasyJet and order a new one.

[phone rings]

Who's that?

- [Sam] Hello.

- Hello.

- [Sam] You're looking very summery.

- I always say that, don't I?

- [Sam] Hi Charlie.

- Hello, Sam you alright?

- Yeah, good, you?

- Yeah, good.

- Good to see ya.

- Do you want a drink?

- I'm alright, thank you.

What are you two up to?

- Ferne's teaching me about Wimbledon Sam,

she's telling me everything she knows.

- Anyway me, Billie, Lucy and Jess are going out

for dinner tonight and I wanted to know

if you's two wanted to come with us.

- All girls?

- Yeah, and Charlie, if Charlie wants to come.

- Is any of the other, I was about to say is any

of the other boyfriends coming?

Then I realised that there aren't any.

- Yeah, no, no-one, well I dunno, I dunno

if Jess'll bring Ricky or not, like he's invited,

but I dunno where them two are at at the minute.

Over the last few weeks I don't wanna feel like

that I still can't socialise with the two of you.

- Absolutely.

- Charlie?

- Okay, cool.

- Yeah?

- [Charlie] Yeah.

- You little cutie, cool.

- Okay, well I better get back to Minnies, so.

- I'll see you out,

- See ya later, Charlie, I'll see you tonight, yeah.

- See ya later, Sam.

- Bye, yeah, so I'll see you later.

- Amazeballs, bye.

Well how d'you feel about that?

- I don't know.

[upbeat music]

- Aw, look at him!

It's just taken the absolute piss!

- Ricky son, follow that.

- He just took the piss!

- What you got, follow that.

- Follow what, mine's gonna be going in the bush!

- I've gotta be honest mate, you wanna get back

in the family son, you need to go and pass

with that ball.

- I don't know, it's added pressure, I already got enough.

- Give it a go.

- It's a practise swing, that one.

[laughs]

- That's an air shot!

- Oh just practising .

[laughing]

- You kidding or what?

- Just practising for the ball.

Bosh!

- You got near the green, no look.

- Didn't I?

- Unfortunately, it's the wrong green.

- Did you see that?

- This is gonna be a long day.

[upbeat dance music]

- Love four Joey Essex's serve.

- Leave it!

Yes!

- Okay, 15 love.

[laughing]

- You gotta eat it.

- Nah, I'm alright, that is disgusting.

- How boring.

- Yooo!

- Hello.

- Hello.

- What's happening?

- Hello champion, or I mean a loser.

- [mocking] Hello champion, or I mean loser.

- Sit down loser.

- Hello strawberries.

- D'you know what, I think really we need

to clarify what's going on with you two, so I'm gonna leave.

- Oh my god, make it serious when you leave.

- Serious now, oh, god.

- A serious conversation, I'm joking.

Just don't get married before I come back.

- Piss off then, go on.

- Bye.

- Eh, yeah.

- What is going on Mister?

- I'm under a lot of pressure from the boys, right,

to stay single, a lot.

All the boys are going yeah,

but she'll start asking questions,

when's it gonna be this, when's she gonna be saying

that she wants to become boyfriend, girlfriend,

I went yeah, but we're alright at the moment,

we're fine, it's everyone else.

- Yeah, but I don't want, I don't wanna be like

those psycho girls that are like oh my god, be my boyfriend.

- Yeah, we've never been like that.

- But if you are gonna be a little man whore

that you are you can't be seeing me

and then going around sleeping with other girls.

- I'm not seeing, I ain't seen other girls for weeks.

Well, since, honestly, over two weeks, at least.

- Three weeks.

- Three weeks!

[laughing]

[upbeat rock music]

- So what d'you want me to say?

- I have no idea 'cause I don't know what to say either.

- I've never done this, I don't do this before,

I don't do this stuff do I, I never,

have I got strawberry on my face?

- Nope, no strawberry.

- I've never - I don't do this sort of stuff, do I,

I don't like.

- No, but obviously a girl does wanna know a tiny bit

sometimes where things are going, d'you know what I mean?

Like you wanna know if it's going forward,

or you wanna know if it's just staying how it is

or if we wanna be friends, that's the only thing.

- Are you willing to wait around a bit longer,

see how it goes?

- Advance is Arg.

[yells triumphantly]

- Game, set, match.

- I can't believe you've let me down

and not worn the right footwear for tennis,

you was my partner.

- I wasn't told I was actually playing.

- You was gonna be my partner in the tournament,

how could you not know?

- Yeah it's just I'm so shit, any kind of sport,

figured I would've brought you down.

- What's going on with you and Lucy then,

are yous together now?

- Nah, nah nothing going on, there's too much drama,

I don't stop talking about Mario, it's just boring.

Literally, I don't.

- Yeah, you don't wanna be in a relationship

with someone who's talking about their ex

all the time, do you?

- I feel like I was a little bit of a rebound.

- Ahh, do you, Dan!

- So are you really sad that Lauren's

not gonna be your partner, you gotta play on your own?

- You need Chloe on your team, she's sick.

- I could have Federer on my team

and I'd still be crap, I'm that bad.

- [Both] Who's Federer?

- Spoke to Jess?

- We're getting there, we're getting alright now.

- Yeah?

- We've started to sort of move forward with everything.

- Those flowers and the poem worked then?

- It took me a step closer, yeah, to getting things

on the right track but it's just with other people

in her ear and getting involved

that don't know anything about it, like.

- I think one or two of the girls might be

in her ear as well.

- Yeah, that's what I'm saying, it don't really help.

- I can't get my head round why you sort of come out

with it, like the golden rule you don't say nothing,

you deny it until forever.

- Yeah, I know, look, at the end of the day,

it probably never would have been any proof

of anything happening, but I just felt that I owed her it

so I just told her the truth, and I was just hoping

that because it was early days that we'd be able

to move on from it.

I wanna fix it with the family, I wanna fix it with her,

I wanna fix it with you, you know.

- If you do it again then we're gonna be upset,

that's another story, yeah, we'll fall out,

sort of thing, yeah.

- Listen, don't worry about that.

- Okay good.

- Don Corleone.

- Let's get on with the golf.

[fast rock music]

- Go on, ohh!

- Cor, good putt! Now that is pressure.

- Right, let me just lay me coin down.

Look, there's the mark, I'm not mucking about here.

- You ain't started cheating again, have ya?

- Oh, here we go.

- Proper love 'em.

- Yeah, in love with him.

He loves me as well, he just don't admit it.

- You two are nuts, man.

- Oi, oi.

- Alright?

- Got us a bit of 'er fizz.

- Lovely.

- Are you enjoying today so far?

- Yeah, it's beautiful, isn't it?

- Why don't you two have a little kiss.

- No.

[laughs]

Where's your tennis outfit?

- This is my outfit.

- That's a dress, it's a proper dress.

- One thing about me, James, is if you haven't realised

by now you need to realise, I don't fit in

with everyone else, I don't follow the crowd, so I'm unique.

- Ah, trendsetter, trendsetter.

- So if I want to play in a nice, you know.

- Right, tell me the truth, okay, 'cause I get,

obviously I get loads of girls messaging me

on Twitter all the time and stuff like that,

but I always ignore it because you don't know

if they're freaks or weirdoes and stuff.

So basically there's been this really nice girl

that's been messaging me on twitter

but, have you ever met a girl on Twitter before?

- Erm not really, no.

- Well, what does she look like?

- Just really, really pretty

- I'm not being funny, it's not

like people are throwing themselves at you every day

of the week, you've got nothing to lose

and I think you should go for it, James.

- I just don't know whether it's a bit weird, isn't it?

- I think see what she likes, you need to find out

if she loves the same music as you,

find out if she loves the theatre.

- Gem, you're so, can I say one thing, can I say one thing,

you're 100% bothered.

- No, I'm not.

- I've gone through this recently, I know,

I can tell by your face.

- No, I'm not, I'm not.

- D'you want some bubbly or not?

- Nah, save it for your new girlfriend,

you can play tennis with her.

[slow happy music]

- Girls, you all look lovely tonight.

- [All] Thank you.

- Look, he's trying.

- You're a bit outnumbered, Charlie.

- Yeah, I am.

- He's trying sweet talk us all already, I was.

- I'm trying to get you early

so when you're drunk you don't all pick on me.

[all laughing]

- Charlie's Angels tonight, girls.

- I'm quite enjoying it, I'm waiting for Gemma to come.

- You're very lucky man tonight Charlie,

I hope you're appreciating this.

- I know I am appreciating it.

- How's Ricky, Jess?

- Just all a bit raw at the minute.

- Getting back with him could be the biggest mistake you've

ever, ever made, or it could be the best thing you've

ever done, you don't know until you do it.

- I've just said to him, time's going to tell,

and I owe it to us as a relationship to give it a try.

- Tonight's gonna be his biggest test,

all of us sitting round the table.

- And the things is like.

- Like I said in a month's time,

I might feel completely different in a bad way

or in a good way, anyway, cheers.

- [All] Cheers.

- And I think it's a toast to follow your God damn heart.

- Okay, Ferne.

- Because I followed mine.

- Ahhh, little smug sitting over there.

[happy guitar music]

- Boys, you know why we're here,

to find the Beast of Brentwood.

- No way!

- Yeah!

- No!

- Yeah!

- No!

- Boys, seriously man, you've gotta be serious about this.

Mate d'you know how many people have spotted this beast,

people have seen it like driving down the road and things.

- So it's alive?

- Yeah.

- No-one's seen it driving a car.

- No, not people seeing the panther driving down the road,

people have seen the panther while they're driving

down the road.

- Ohhh, I thought you meant people seen it driving.

- Like Big Foot or the Abominable.

- It's like Big Foot but it ain't got big feet,

it's like a unicorn but it ain't got a corn.

[laughing]

- I reckon it's a big cat, it's a big old cat.

- I reckon it's just a normal cat

and people have seen it from a long way away.

- It ain't a cat, it's got eyes apparently like fire

and teeth of Samurai swords.

- Joey, what are we actually gonna do

if we see the cat though, mate?

We're all going to run away.

- Well, obviously, we'll have to step back,

I sort of do wanna get a picture of it,

I'm not gonna lie, but I don't think we'll be able to do it.

- I'm gonna end up getting eaten first, ain't I?

- You look like you're gonna be quite juicy.

- I reckon Tom's the fillet, you're like rump.

- You're like a pork scratching.

[upbeat music]

[all cheer]

- Firstly, I would like to say excuse the look

of a bedraggled rat.

[laughing]

- You look so brown.

- Spray tan.

- I've just heard that you

and Arg have been getting closer together.

- No.

- Well, what have you heard?

- Either you're getting oranger by the minute

or you're just going red.

- We heard that you had sex in the bush.

- That's shit.

- No, I just wanted to throw it out there, no,

I just wanted to throw it out there.

- Arg wishes.

- He would have loved to have sex in the bush with me.

- No wonder you've walked in all dishevelled.

[laughing]

"I haven't done my hair, girls, no make up."

- "I've been busy at the shop."

- "I've been dragged through a bush backwards."

- He keeps grabbing me at tennis all the time,

I'll have a large brandy please and a Diet Coke.

- Right, we'll share our starters,

we'll have the barbeque ribs, with the breaded Brie

and the cranberry sauce.

I'll have the sirloin steak with no sauce,

Bernaise on the side,

- Are you hungry, Ferne?

- That comes with chunky chips, right?

Can we get the buttered cabbage with the mashed potatoes

as well?

- Oh, my God.

- Double potatoes, and can we get, are we doing dessert

now as well?

I'll have the cheese.

[bouncy drum music]

- Oi boys, d'you see what I see?

- I can see a log, I can see some leaves.

- Wait, I can see something in the bush over there.

- You're lying.

- Whereabouts Tom?

- Like over there, I can see, like over there,

look, in that bush.

- Tom, tell me exactly what you think you've seen.

- Gemma Collins.

- Coming out the bush, oh, my God.

- Gem, what you doing in the bush?!

I dunno, ask Arg, oh Arg?

What happened in the bush with Gemma?

Arg, come on mate, what happened?

- Mate nothing happened, just had fun at tennis today.

- You went for a little snog in the bush, didn't ya?

- Nah, nah, nah I had a good fun day at tennis,

that's all I'm saying.

- Did you just play tennis all day or.

- Yeah, just played tennis, mate.

- Nothing else, you didn't play anything else?

- Played tennis.

- You didn't go for a quick break anywhere?

- Played, nah, nah, nah, I just played tennis,

had a few scones.

- You and Gemma disappeared and then you sort

of like creeped out of the forest about 20 seconds

after you'd gone in.

- She was out of breath, you was out of breath.

- Let's just drop it yeah, let's just drop it.

- Oh so nice.

- A bit of salt on there.

- Because isn't Mario saying that people have seen it

or something, that's what Mario was saying?

- That is absolute rubbish.

There's no sex tape, I can say right now,

there is no sex tape.

For me now I've drawn a line under it, that's it.

- It must've been really difficult 'cause you broke up

with Mario, you went on holiday, you had the best time

with Dan, and then Dan decided

to get back with his girlfriend.

- Is he back with her?

- Well, he's having the baby, isn't he?

- He's been playing you both off.

- Probably.

- I reckon.

- No, because you know he said that he found out

about the baby in Marbs, well, you've heard different,

haven't you?

You've heard that he knew way before Marbs

that she was preggers.

- I've heard both sides of the story.

- Really?

- Liberty.

- He knew before Marbella that there was a baby?

- That's what he's heard.

- Charlie, who did you hear that from?

Or do you not, you don't have to say.

- I just heard it through the grapevine,

that's all I'm saying.

- That's the easiest way out.

- Have you heard that as well?

So he knew that there was a baby

before Marbella and he still?

- Well, it's not confirmed, the sources aren't great.

- He would deny that I'm sure.

- But thanks for throwing me under the bus, by the way.

- Don't worry Charlie, I'm not gonna like grill you

about it, I just think that's a bit of a joke.

- I just think he's been.

- Nice one Ferne, nailed it.

- I thought Dan was a gentleman,

the perfect person you should get with,

that's why I was trying to set you up.

- Ah, Ricky.

- Ah, he's finally joined the party.

- Sorry I'm late, I've, I was playing golf.

- Charlie's probably a little bit relieved

that another gent has joined.

- I feel sorry for ya mate, been sitting around

with these girls, dear oh dear.

- We was talking about how Dan is not

as squeaky clean as what we think.

- He pretends to be this innocent geezer

that's all genuine and lovely, I don't think he is,

to be honest.

- You've heard, sorry to throw you under the bus again.

- Fucking hell, second time.

What are you doing, don't fucking throw me under the bus.

- Right, okay then, I heard, from you, I heard

that he knew about the pregnancy before Marbs.

- If he knew about the pregnancy before Marbella,

why he started seeing me, that annoys me.

- All, well, yeah, me too, well.

That's really bad, that's a disgrace

- But apparently, on the first night

in Marbella he kissed Jasmin.

- What?

- Shut the front door.

- And I mean just found out.

- He's had us all fooled!

- Well, there's a surprise 'cause

it's always the ones I pick, so it was obvious, weren't it?

- Woah, woah, woah, me and Charlie had a discussion,

sorry Char.

- It's got nothing to do with me.

I don't tell you things like that because you

just fucking throw me under the bus.

- Everyone's gone mad.

It's all tit for tat, gossip this, gossip that,

you've got everything going for you.

- It's just disappointing, it's disappointing.

What I don't get, is then if he's been

with her the whole time what was the point of me,

I don't get it.

- 'Cause he fancies you and you were there.

- You're not gonna start fucking leaning on me,

throw me under the fucking bus, watch yourself.

- We've realised that Arg is the biggest wanker alive,

so is Dan.

- Right, who's next, Bill, anything you want to share?

- What?

- Don't, not here, we're not talking about it now.

- What's wrong with yous two over here?

- I honestly don't know what I've done.

- You've thrown him under the bus.

- I've got nothing else to say at this meal,

I'm not gonna lie, I'm done.

- Right, you've upset him, now just leave it.

- It ain't worth you two fighting and this is my point.

- I honestly don't know what I've said.

- I think all it was he just thought he was telling

just you and then you told everyone and that's.

- About what?

- I think that's exactly, right.

- I genuinely don't know what's going on.

- Don't get upset, look you've upset Charlie

and that's it.

- I don't get why, this is really weird.

- It's fucking bollocks, it really is.

- I don't know what's going on.

- He feels that he never can talk, that's what I think.

- D'you know what I'm thinking?

- What?

- Sometimes we do things and I just think to myself,

you know what, I'm 25 years old, you know,

maybe I shouldn't really be in the park, you know,

trying to search for panthers, but, but I look

at yous three and I think you know what,

they're the best thing I love about my friends is

that no matter what we do or anything,

I don't get embarrassed, I'm not, I don't care

what other people think, I just love trying

to be young again.

[all aww]

I mean that, it is true.

- The boys are turning into the girls, they're all gossips.

- They're worse.

- They're all having paddies and storming off.

- The men in Essex have come off so bad recently,

haven't they, every single one of them.

- All men in Essex have turned into skanks,

they're tight, they want us to pick up their rents,

pay for them, at the end of the day,

I aint paying for no Gigolo, I want the real deal.

- We need some real men.

- How d'you feel about that one, Rick?

- I'm alright, man, let you ladies to it man,

the boys are all skanks around here.

- Get over it.

- What the hell's happened now?

- What do you think it's about?

- He's a child, he can't cope with confrontation

and him looking bad in front of people, deal with it.

You put yourself in that situation and you didn't need to,

but you did, deal with it.

I'm so fuming right now.

- You need a quickie with Arg in the bushes,

that'll change your life.

[electro jazz music]

- [Narrator] Next time on 'The Only Way is Essex'.

- You know, I'm past caring about what Ricky says

about me or what big nose Mario says, I don't care,

I've had enough of the abuse.

- All I'll say is one more thing,

you got with Jasmin in Marbella.

- I got with Jasmin in Marbella?

- What so that's not true?