All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S09E10.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

- [Narrator] The following
programme contains fake hair,

hot air, and Gemma's lovely
pair.

The tans you see might be
fake but the people are

all real, although some
of what they do has

been set up purely for your
entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is
Essex.

- Disrespectful doing
a sex tape in my bed.

- What are you talking about?

- He thinks it's like Joey's
little wold.

He needs to get over himself.

- You don't need to share
your opinion with everyone

'cause not everyone cares.

- I come above it with the same.

- Do you feel I've got
tight knots at the top.

- Yeah, very, very tight.

- Mm, that's 'cause of you.

- Last thing I'm worried about
is Mario.

[electro jazz pop]

[upbeat music]

[moaning]

- Who's winning?

- 40, 30 break point, smashing
it.

- Fucking sweating, fuck off.

- Ahhh return, ace.

- Honestly, I will smash you at
tennis.

- The only thing you know

about tennis is Anna Kournikova.

Fuck off.

[pop music]

- It smells fishy to me,
this house [cracks up].

- I wanna see it.

- Billie, saucy minx!

- I am joking.

- [Jess] Oh dear.

- It is quite funny
thought, isn't it, six,

half the room is getting
around Essex so quick.

Also, Lucy's like Miss Prim and
Proper,

so that's like the furthest
see I can imagine her,

like do it.

- And what is your pornstar
name, isn't it like you--

- [Billie] It's like
your first dog's name.

- Your first dog's name.

- And your--

- Your mom's surname.

So mine would be Cassie Burka.

- Yours' is quite good!

Mine would be Dave Wells.

- [Jess] Dave Wells?!

- My first animal was
called Dave, the hamster,

and my mom's surname is Wells.

- You can't be having Dave,
that's a bad pornstar name.

- That is awful isn't it.

- So Ricky's out today
playing golf with my dad.

- Is he?

- Yes.

- So it's an icebreaker, isn't
it?

Well at least he's trying.

- We're not a happy
couple, happy families yet,

I just can't stand that everyone
looking,

being like, "Mm, she's forgiven
him then."

I just feel that such a mark.

- I want to get a house,
instead of a little flat,

I want a house with a garden,
so I can have a hot tub.

- So where you looking,
still round here though?

- Yeah, I'll stay round here,

'cause obviously you've gotta
clean it

so, you'll be lost without me,
mum.

- I know I would.

You'd be lost without me
Mario, don't play that one.

- Whatever.

[phone rings]

Hello.

- You got a minute?

Yeah, I'm gonna pop up,
I think we need to talk.

- Yeah, go for it.

- Alright bye.

- Dan's coming up to
speak to me for a minute.

- Do you want me to stay here
or?

- You can stay here, Mum.

If there's something
he wants to say to me,

he can say it to me.

- [Tom] Yes, in there
with those aces, mate.

- Ahh, he's done it, he's done
it again.

Boys, you do realise that
playing this computer game

or whatever ain't gonna help
you win my tennis tournament?

- [Tom] Mate, fuck your tennis
tournament.

[laughing]

- Bagsy, I go with Gemma.

- It's mixed doubles,
you've gotta be with a girl.

- Mixed doubles, you
gotta be boy and girl,

Bagsy I go with Gemma.

- I'm not going with Gemma,
I'm not going with Gemma.

- No, you are going with Gemma.

- Boys, boys, I think
we should flip a coin,

'cause then it's all random,
isn't it?

- There's no way I'm entering
this tournament with Gemma,

I'm not losing, I don't lose.

- Ahh, Bentley.

- Lucy's asked me to
bring him back for ya.

- What's happening?

Bentley, alright, alright
Bentley,

did you have fun with mummy?

No, yeah, didn't think
so, it's better here.

I was expecting to hear from
you.

- I just wanted to come and
speak to you about something,

I'm guessing you know what
I'm here to talk about?

I dunno what Chris is
telling you, obviously,

that's why I've come here to
find out.

- All he's told me is that
the first night we was

in Marbella, when you and
Lucy slept together, yeah?

Yeah?

Don't lie, I know, I
know you slept together.

- All right.

- Yeah, you slept together.

And that you apparently videoed
it.

- If you believe him
that's up to you, mate,

and then you're sort of
mugging yourself off in a way.

- Dan, at the same time,
you've got a reason to lie,

because at the same time.

- I ain't got no reason
to lie, I really don't.

- You have got a reason to lie
Dan,

'cause I'm not being funny,
you've got a girlfriend

who's carrying your kid.

You've got a bigger
reason to lie than anyone.

- Alright, I've got
bigger things going on.

- Yeah, but you've got
a bigger reason to lie.

- What does it matter to you
anyway?

If you ain't together, why do
you care?

- 'Cause to me she's still my
ex-fiancé

and I still love the girl and
I still wanna protect her,

and this is the thing that's
fucking me off with you,

to be quite fair, is that when
we was

in Marbella you told me
you had a girlfriend.

You told me you had a
girlfriend, the night before.

- Right, an ex-girlfriend, I'm
not,

that's the thing we're
actually, we're not together.

- No, mate, you told me
you had a girlfriend.

No, you told me you were
still with your girlfriend

and you didn't know what to do
about it

because the whole, all
the sort of scenario,

you didn't really know
what to do about it.

And that night you fucked
Lucy, so that's the truth

of the matter, you can sit
there and deny it all you want.

- But I wasn't, I haven't
been with my girlfriend.

- Okay, but I know what
you told me to my face.

You turned round and said,
I'm still with my bird,

I dunno what to do with
this whole situation.

- I definitely didn't say that.

- Okay, I must have dreamt
it, I must have dreamt it.

- Ever since I, obviously
the thing with Sam,

seeing James and that,
it's like, forgot me.

- And people keep saying to
him, why you gotta rub it

in Joey's face, he's like,
"'Cause I can, 'cause I can."

- What you need is
motivation, you need someone

to look you in the eyes and tell
you,

"You're Joey Essex, you're good
looking,

you're an intelligent, young
man."

[laughing]

- I'm not intelligent.

- And you've got a lot going for
you,

you've got loads of friends
around you,

loads of family, everyone loves
you,

and starting at the tennis
tournament,

you're gonna enjoy yourself and
have fun

and we're gonna see you
acting like an idiot.

- The reason I'm bothered is
'cause it is

for the first time to
see her with this boy,

you know what I mean?

- Yeah, just so soon.

- Joey, as if you give
a monkey's about James,

he's no threat to you
whatsoever,

he tweets silly things but he's
got

about 10 twitter followers, so
who cares?

- Give a monkey's, do I
even want a monkey anymore?

[laughing]

- He put you off.

- Yeah, he's put me off.

- Has he really though?

- Yeah, I want a duck, I want
one.

[laughing]

[pop music]

- Perfect, and one more Erika,
yep straight to the camera.

[snapshot]

Oh hang on a minute.

- Hello!

- Hey, are you good?

- How are you?

Oh, you're nice and warm.

- Nice and warm, I missed ya.

- [Lucy] Sorry Rose,
can you give us one sec?

- [Rose] Yeah!

- Thank you, I'm freezing.

- Do you want my jacket?

- [Lucy] I don't want it.

- Do you want it?

- Yes please, oh thanks
Dan, you're a gentleman.

- I've just been to see Mario.

- Thanks for taking Bentley back
for me,

it just mean I didn't
have to face him again,

I couldn't bear it, but he's my
dog but,

you know what, I'm not like
Mario, I'm not spiteful,

and I know how much he
loves that dog, so thanks

for taking him back for me.

- No, I just wanted to go speak
to him,

I don't know all this
stuff about this sex tape

that's going around, I
just wanted to clear it up,

it's not fair that you
havin' people thinking

that about you.

- So what did he even
say, what's his reasons,

why did he even care?

- He just said he still loves
you,

He seemed quite genuine.

- Okay, probably still does love
me

but I'm not getting back
with him, he's just trying

to play a game with everyone.

- Yeah.

- And it's backfiring in a
massive way.

Thanks for the hugs Ian, my
hero.

- Yeah, I was just
curious, it's ridiculous.

- Well thank you anyway, you
didn't have

to go see him and clear it all
up for me

but that's really nice of you.

- It's fine, just something I
do.

[laughing]

I got your back.

- You look freezin', sorry
I nicked your jacket.

- It is a little bit chilly,
aw thanks you can keep me warm.

- I just wanted to
cuddle, all that I wanted.

- Thanks.

[pop music]

- You look like Sandy from
Grace.

- Yeah, Danny you could be
Sandy.

- I just think, "Why
are you tweetin' that?"

Open a can of warms.

- He knows exactly what
to do to wind people up.

- To be honest, I don't
care, like it's funny,

like it is funny, I'm never
gonna go,

"Why did you tweet that,"
because I don't see it

like that, but can you
imagine how everyone

else is seeing it, Joey
knows I don't fancy

and want to go out with James.

- You just had a little
flirt, a little chat

and that was it.

- I want to draw a line under
it.

- Yeah, draw a line under it.

- Just say, "Do you think
there's ever gonna be a point

where you can put the olive
branch out?"

- He won't know what that means.

- Well you and Arg will be
playing doubles together.

- Hope not because I can't play.

Yvonne has been like, get an
outfit,

get a proper tennis outfit and
it's like,

"Arg, I will turn up as I turn
up."

- Yeah, oh he's gonna
be doing the whole look.

Gemma, I'll teach you how to
play tennis.

- That's what we're gonna do.

- You and Arg will be out in
force

on the tennis courts.

- Ew.

- Play.

- Come on Chloe, for God's sake.

- Here, here.

[laughing]

[yelling]

- All right, love all.

- Are you all right, I got you.

Oh piss off, who cares about
tennis?

- Do you actually like tennis?

- Not really, skinny legs and
big feet

in flat shoes is never a good
look, is it?

What is this fly's problem,
seriously.

This is the only thing about
tennis,

it's the grass, the bugs, the
nature.

- Outdoorsy.

- Yeah, give me that racquet,
I need to kill a few flies.

- Have that, come on!

- Well done, Tom.

- How's it going, mate?

- Well done, mate.

- Well played mate, unlucky,
ahh, bad sportsman that is.

- Hold on one sec.

- D'you feel alright?

- You look like you're
knackered.

- I know, I'm.

- I'll give Dan a game in a
minute.

How d'you feel to not
have your right hand man

with you, mate?

- I dunno, I dunno, in a way I
feel,

I don't feel bad actually,

'cause obviously he
wouldn't really be able

to come here with Joey
here, it'd be awkward,

do you know what I mean?

And where you guys, but I
don't see that as a reason

why I can't speak to you,

d'you know what I mean and
obviously...

- Nah, we want you here.

- To be fair I, we used
to get on with him,

but after he's done that it just
puts us

in an awkward position
so we can't be mates

with him, can we really?

- He aint a bad person,
d'you know what I mean?

Lucy asked me to take Bentley
back.

- You dropped Lucy's dog
back to her ex-boyfriend,

that's such a liberty mate,
how's he got the front

to do that?

I've been banging your
bird but here's your dog.

- I didn't see it like that,

I was just dropping the puppy
off.

[laughing]

- Yeah, don't worry, I've
been looking after him Mario,

it's cool, sweet, no worries,
here's your dog, sweet, cool.

- So you're with your
ex-girlfriend back now again?

- We've been spending, obviously
I've been spending a lot

of time with her, it's
just nice the way it is.

I don't wanna go and
change it and then argue

and then it's, I just
wanna make everything

as good as I can.

- Man, that is fair play,
to be honest, ain't it?

- That's so grown up mate.

Tom, listen, yeah, he's
worried about his baby

and all things like
that, tonight we're going

to look for a beast, it's a
little bit silly isn't it?

- What have you gotta find?

- Joey reckons, what's it
called, the Beast of Brentwood.

- The Breast of Brentwood

- Apparently it's like an
animal, is it,

like a cat or something.

- Like a big puma.

- And you're going to the
forest to try and find it?

- Yeah, he wants to go and find
it, yeah.

- That's what 22 year old men
do, do you know what I mean?

- Sounds adventurous.

- We search for stuff in
forests.

[laughing]

- I'd love to play tennis.

- If you had to date one
of the men tennis players,

who would you date?

- Boris Becker all day long.

I mean there's something
just so sexy about him.

- He doesn't play any more.

- So?!

Cor drink up, I've finished
mine.

- Why don't you finish that one
as well?

Maybe we can go and play
a little, oh my God,

Ferne what are you doing?

- oh my god!

- Uh oh, ring up EasyJet
and order a new one.

[phone rings]

Who's that?

- [Sam] Hello.

- Hello.

- [Sam] You're looking very
summery.

- I always say that, don't I?

- [Sam] Hi Charlie.

- Hello, Sam you alright?

- Yeah, good, you?

- Yeah, good.

- Good to see ya.

- Do you want a drink?

- I'm alright, thank you.

What are you two up to?

- Ferne's teaching me about
Wimbledon Sam,

she's telling me everything she
knows.

- Anyway me, Billie, Lucy
and Jess are going out

for dinner tonight and I wanted
to know

if you's two wanted to come with
us.

- All girls?

- Yeah, and Charlie, if
Charlie wants to come.

- Is any of the other, I
was about to say is any

of the other boyfriends coming?

Then I realised that there
aren't any.

- Yeah, no, no-one, well I
dunno, I dunno

if Jess'll bring Ricky or
not, like he's invited,

but I dunno where them
two are at at the minute.

Over the last few weeks
I don't wanna feel like

that I still can't socialise
with the two of you.

- Absolutely.

- Charlie?

- Okay, cool.

- Yeah?

- [Charlie] Yeah.

- You little cutie, cool.

- Okay, well I better
get back to Minnies, so.

- I'll see you out,

- See ya later, Charlie,
I'll see you tonight, yeah.

- See ya later, Sam.

- Bye, yeah, so I'll see you
later.

- Amazeballs, bye.

Well how d'you feel about that?

- I don't know.

[upbeat music]

- Aw, look at him!

It's just taken the absolute
piss!

- Ricky son, follow that.

- He just took the piss!

- What you got, follow that.

- Follow what, mine's
gonna be going in the bush!

- I've gotta be honest
mate, you wanna get back

in the family son, you need to
go and pass

with that ball.

- I don't know, it's added
pressure, I already got enough.

- Give it a go.

- It's a practise swing, that
one.

[laughs]

- That's an air shot!

- Oh just practising .

[laughing]

- You kidding or what?

- Just practising for the ball.

Bosh!

- You got near the green, no
look.

- Didn't I?

- Unfortunately, it's the wrong
green.

- Did you see that?

- This is gonna be a long day.

[upbeat dance music]

- Love four Joey Essex's serve.

- Leave it!

Yes!

- Okay, 15 love.

[laughing]

- You gotta eat it.

- Nah, I'm alright, that is
disgusting.

- How boring.

- Yooo!

- Hello.

- Hello.

- What's happening?

- Hello champion, or I mean a
loser.

- [mocking] Hello
champion, or I mean loser.

- Sit down loser.

- Hello strawberries.

- D'you know what, I think
really we need

to clarify what's going on with
you two, so I'm gonna leave.

- Oh my god, make it
serious when you leave.

- Serious now, oh, god.

- A serious conversation, I'm
joking.

Just don't get married before I
come back.

- Piss off then, go on.

- Bye.

- Eh, yeah.

- What is going on Mister?

- I'm under a lot of pressure
from the boys, right,

to stay single, a lot.

All the boys are going yeah,

but she'll start asking
questions,

when's it gonna be this,
when's she gonna be saying

that she wants to become
boyfriend, girlfriend,

I went yeah, but we're
alright at the moment,

we're fine, it's everyone else.

- Yeah, but I don't want,
I don't wanna be like

those psycho girls that are
like oh my god, be my boyfriend.

- Yeah, we've never been like
that.

- But if you are gonna
be a little man whore

that you are you can't be seeing
me

and then going around
sleeping with other girls.

- I'm not seeing, I ain't
seen other girls for weeks.

Well, since, honestly,
over two weeks, at least.

- Three weeks.

- Three weeks!

[laughing]

[upbeat rock music]

- So what d'you want me to say?

- I have no idea 'cause I
don't know what to say either.

- I've never done this,
I don't do this before,

I don't do this stuff do I, I
never,

have I got strawberry on my
face?

- Nope, no strawberry.

- I've never - I don't do
this sort of stuff, do I,

I don't like.

- No, but obviously a girl
does wanna know a tiny bit

sometimes where things are
going, d'you know what I mean?

Like you wanna know if it's
going forward,

or you wanna know if it's
just staying how it is

or if we wanna be friends,
that's the only thing.

- Are you willing to
wait around a bit longer,

see how it goes?

- Advance is Arg.

[yells triumphantly]

- Game, set, match.

- I can't believe you've let me
down

and not worn the right
footwear for tennis,

you was my partner.

- I wasn't told I was actually
playing.

- You was gonna be my
partner in the tournament,

how could you not know?

- Yeah it's just I'm so
shit, any kind of sport,

figured I would've brought you
down.

- What's going on with you and
Lucy then,

are yous together now?

- Nah, nah nothing going
on, there's too much drama,

I don't stop talking about
Mario, it's just boring.

Literally, I don't.

- Yeah, you don't wanna
be in a relationship

with someone who's talking about
their ex

all the time, do you?

- I feel like I was a
little bit of a rebound.

- Ahh, do you, Dan!

- So are you really sad that
Lauren's

not gonna be your partner,
you gotta play on your own?

- You need Chloe on your team,
she's sick.

- I could have Federer on my
team

and I'd still be crap, I'm that
bad.

- [Both] Who's Federer?

- Spoke to Jess?

- We're getting there,
we're getting alright now.

- Yeah?

- We've started to sort of
move forward with everything.

- Those flowers and the poem
worked then?

- It took me a step closer,
yeah, to getting things

on the right track but
it's just with other people

in her ear and getting involved

that don't know anything about
it, like.

- I think one or two of the
girls might be

in her ear as well.

- Yeah, that's what I'm
saying, it don't really help.

- I can't get my head round
why you sort of come out

with it, like the golden
rule you don't say nothing,

you deny it until forever.

- Yeah, I know, look,
at the end of the day,

it probably never would
have been any proof

of anything happening, but I
just felt that I owed her it

so I just told her the
truth, and I was just hoping

that because it was early
days that we'd be able

to move on from it.

I wanna fix it with the family,
I wanna fix it with her,

I wanna fix it with you, you
know.

- If you do it again then
we're gonna be upset,

that's another story,
yeah, we'll fall out,

sort of thing, yeah.

- Listen, don't worry about
that.

- Okay good.

- Don Corleone.

- Let's get on with the golf.

[fast rock music]

- Go on, ohh!

- Cor, good putt! Now that is
pressure.

- Right, let me just lay me coin
down.

Look, there's the mark,
I'm not mucking about here.

- You ain't started
cheating again, have ya?

- Oh, here we go.

- Proper love 'em.

- Yeah, in love with him.

He loves me as well,
he just don't admit it.

- You two are nuts, man.

- Oi, oi.

- Alright?

- Got us a bit of 'er fizz.

- Lovely.

- Are you enjoying today so far?

- Yeah, it's beautiful, isn't
it?

- Why don't you two have a
little kiss.

- No.

[laughs]

Where's your tennis outfit?

- This is my outfit.

- That's a dress, it's a proper
dress.

- One thing about me, James,
is if you haven't realised

by now you need to realise, I
don't fit in

with everyone else, I don't
follow the crowd, so I'm unique.

- Ah, trendsetter, trendsetter.

- So if I want to play
in a nice, you know.

- Right, tell me the
truth, okay, 'cause I get,

obviously I get loads
of girls messaging me

on Twitter all the time
and stuff like that,

but I always ignore it
because you don't know

if they're freaks or weirdoes
and stuff.

So basically there's been
this really nice girl

that's been messaging me on
twitter

but, have you ever met a
girl on Twitter before?

- Erm not really, no.

- Well, what does she look like?

- Just really, really pretty

- I'm not being funny, it's not

like people are throwing
themselves at you every day

of the week, you've got nothing
to lose

and I think you should go for
it, James.

- I just don't know whether
it's a bit weird, isn't it?

- I think see what she
likes, you need to find out

if she loves the same music as
you,

find out if she loves the
theatre.

- Gem, you're so, can I say
one thing, can I say one thing,

you're 100% bothered.

- No, I'm not.

- I've gone through this
recently, I know,

I can tell by your face.

- No, I'm not, I'm not.

- D'you want some bubbly or not?

- Nah, save it for your new
girlfriend,

you can play tennis with her.

[slow happy music]

- Girls, you all look lovely
tonight.

- [All] Thank you.

- Look, he's trying.

- You're a bit outnumbered,
Charlie.

- Yeah, I am.

- He's trying sweet talk
us all already, I was.

- I'm trying to get you early

so when you're drunk you
don't all pick on me.

[all laughing]

- Charlie's Angels tonight,
girls.

- I'm quite enjoying it, I'm
waiting for Gemma to come.

- You're very lucky man tonight
Charlie,

I hope you're appreciating this.

- I know I am appreciating it.

- How's Ricky, Jess?

- Just all a bit raw at the
minute.

- Getting back with him could
be the biggest mistake you've

ever, ever made, or it could
be the best thing you've

ever done, you don't know until
you do it.

- I've just said to him,
time's going to tell,

and I owe it to us as a
relationship to give it a try.

- Tonight's gonna be his biggest
test,

all of us sitting round the
table.

- And the things is like.

- Like I said in a month's time,

I might feel completely
different in a bad way

or in a good way, anyway,
cheers.

- [All] Cheers.

- And I think it's a toast to
follow your God damn heart.

- Okay, Ferne.

- Because I followed mine.

- Ahhh, little smug sitting over
there.

[happy guitar music]

- Boys, you know why we're here,

to find the Beast of Brentwood.

- No way!

- Yeah!

- No!

- Yeah!

- No!

- Boys, seriously man, you've
gotta be serious about this.

Mate d'you know how many
people have spotted this beast,

people have seen it like driving
down the road and things.

- So it's alive?

- Yeah.

- No-one's seen it driving a
car.

- No, not people seeing the
panther driving down the road,

people have seen the panther
while they're driving

down the road.

- Ohhh, I thought you meant
people seen it driving.

- Like Big Foot or the
Abominable.

- It's like Big Foot but
it ain't got big feet,

it's like a unicorn but
it ain't got a corn.

[laughing]

- I reckon it's a big
cat, it's a big old cat.

- I reckon it's just a normal
cat

and people have seen it
from a long way away.

- It ain't a cat, it's got
eyes apparently like fire

and teeth of Samurai swords.

- Joey, what are we actually
gonna do

if we see the cat though, mate?

We're all going to run away.

- Well, obviously,
we'll have to step back,

I sort of do wanna get a picture
of it,

I'm not gonna lie, but I don't
think we'll be able to do it.

- I'm gonna end up getting
eaten first, ain't I?

- You look like you're
gonna be quite juicy.

- I reckon Tom's the
fillet, you're like rump.

- You're like a pork scratching.

[upbeat music]

[all cheer]

- Firstly, I would like
to say excuse the look

of a bedraggled rat.

[laughing]

- You look so brown.

- Spray tan.

- I've just heard that you

and Arg have been getting closer
together.

- No.

- Well, what have you heard?

- Either you're getting
oranger by the minute

or you're just going red.

- We heard that you had sex in
the bush.

- That's shit.

- No, I just wanted to
throw it out there, no,

I just wanted to throw it out
there.

- Arg wishes.

- He would have loved to
have sex in the bush with me.

- No wonder you've walked
in all dishevelled.

[laughing]

"I haven't done my hair,
girls, no make up."

- "I've been busy at the shop."

- "I've been dragged
through a bush backwards."

- He keeps grabbing me
at tennis all the time,

I'll have a large brandy
please and a Diet Coke.

- Right, we'll share our
starters,

we'll have the barbeque
ribs, with the breaded Brie

and the cranberry sauce.

I'll have the sirloin steak with
no sauce,

Bernaise on the side,

- Are you hungry, Ferne?

- That comes with chunky chips,
right?

Can we get the buttered cabbage
with the mashed potatoes

as well?

- Oh, my God.

- Double potatoes, and can
we get, are we doing dessert

now as well?

I'll have the cheese.

[bouncy drum music]

- Oi boys, d'you see what I see?

- I can see a log, I can see
some leaves.

- Wait, I can see something
in the bush over there.

- You're lying.

- Whereabouts Tom?

- Like over there, I can
see, like over there,

look, in that bush.

- Tom, tell me exactly
what you think you've seen.

- Gemma Collins.

- Coming out the bush, oh, my
God.

- Gem, what you doing in the
bush?!

I dunno, ask Arg, oh Arg?

What happened in the bush with
Gemma?

Arg, come on mate, what
happened?

- Mate nothing happened,
just had fun at tennis today.

- You went for a little
snog in the bush, didn't ya?

- Nah, nah, nah I had a
good fun day at tennis,

that's all I'm saying.

- Did you just play tennis all
day or.

- Yeah, just played tennis,
mate.

- Nothing else, you
didn't play anything else?

- Played tennis.

- You didn't go for a
quick break anywhere?

- Played, nah, nah, nah,
I just played tennis,

had a few scones.

- You and Gemma disappeared
and then you sort

of like creeped out of the
forest about 20 seconds

after you'd gone in.

- She was out of breath,
you was out of breath.

- Let's just drop it
yeah, let's just drop it.

- Oh so nice.

- A bit of salt on there.

- Because isn't Mario saying
that people have seen it

or something, that's
what Mario was saying?

- That is absolute rubbish.

There's no sex tape, I can say
right now,

there is no sex tape.

For me now I've drawn a
line under it, that's it.

- It must've been really
difficult 'cause you broke up

with Mario, you went on
holiday, you had the best time

with Dan, and then Dan decided

to get back with his girlfriend.

- Is he back with her?

- Well, he's having the baby,
isn't he?

- He's been playing you both
off.

- Probably.

- I reckon.

- No, because you know
he said that he found out

about the baby in Marbs,
well, you've heard different,

haven't you?

You've heard that he knew way
before Marbs

that she was preggers.

- I've heard both sides of the
story.

- Really?

- Liberty.

- He knew before Marbella
that there was a baby?

- That's what he's heard.

- Charlie, who did you hear that
from?

Or do you not, you don't have to
say.

- I just heard it through the
grapevine,

that's all I'm saying.

- That's the easiest way out.

- Have you heard that as well?

So he knew that there was a baby

before Marbella and he still?

- Well, it's not confirmed,
the sources aren't great.

- He would deny that I'm sure.

- But thanks for throwing me
under the bus, by the way.

- Don't worry Charlie, I'm
not gonna like grill you

about it, I just think
that's a bit of a joke.

- I just think he's been.

- Nice one Ferne, nailed it.

- I thought Dan was a gentleman,

the perfect person you should
get with,

that's why I was trying to set
you up.

- Ah, Ricky.

- Ah, he's finally joined the
party.

- Sorry I'm late, I've,
I was playing golf.

- Charlie's probably a little
bit relieved

that another gent has joined.

- I feel sorry for ya
mate, been sitting around

with these girls, dear oh dear.

- We was talking about how Dan
is not

as squeaky clean as what we
think.

- He pretends to be this
innocent geezer

that's all genuine and
lovely, I don't think he is,

to be honest.

- You've heard, sorry to
throw you under the bus again.

- Fucking hell, second time.

What are you doing, don't
fucking throw me under the bus.

- Right, okay then, I
heard, from you, I heard

that he knew about the
pregnancy before Marbs.

- If he knew about the
pregnancy before Marbella,

why he started seeing me, that
annoys me.

- All, well, yeah, me too, well.

That's really bad, that's a
disgrace

- But apparently, on the first
night

in Marbella he kissed Jasmin.

- What?

- Shut the front door.

- And I mean just found out.

- He's had us all fooled!

- Well, there's a surprise
'cause

it's always the ones I pick,
so it was obvious, weren't it?

- Woah, woah, woah, me and
Charlie had a discussion,

sorry Char.

- It's got nothing to do with
me.

I don't tell you things
like that because you

just fucking throw me under the
bus.

- Everyone's gone mad.

It's all tit for tat,
gossip this, gossip that,

you've got everything going for
you.

- It's just disappointing,
it's disappointing.

What I don't get, is then if
he's been

with her the whole time
what was the point of me,

I don't get it.

- 'Cause he fancies
you and you were there.

- You're not gonna start
fucking leaning on me,

throw me under the fucking
bus, watch yourself.

- We've realised that Arg
is the biggest wanker alive,

so is Dan.

- Right, who's next, Bill,
anything you want to share?

- What?

- Don't, not here, we're
not talking about it now.

- What's wrong with yous two
over here?

- I honestly don't know what
I've done.

- You've thrown him under the
bus.

- I've got nothing else
to say at this meal,

I'm not gonna lie, I'm done.

- Right, you've upset
him, now just leave it.

- It ain't worth you two
fighting and this is my point.

- I honestly don't know what
I've said.

- I think all it was he
just thought he was telling

just you and then you
told everyone and that's.

- About what?

- I think that's exactly, right.

- I genuinely don't know what's
going on.

- Don't get upset, look
you've upset Charlie

and that's it.

- I don't get why, this is
really weird.

- It's fucking bollocks, it
really is.

- I don't know what's going on.

- He feels that he never can
talk, that's what I think.

- D'you know what I'm thinking?

- What?

- Sometimes we do things
and I just think to myself,

you know what, I'm 25 years old,
you know,

maybe I shouldn't really
be in the park, you know,

trying to search for
panthers, but, but I look

at yous three and I think you
know what,

they're the best thing I
love about my friends is

that no matter what we do or
anything,

I don't get embarrassed,
I'm not, I don't care

what other people think,
I just love trying

to be young again.

[all aww]

I mean that, it is true.

- The boys are turning into
the girls, they're all gossips.

- They're worse.

- They're all having
paddies and storming off.

- The men in Essex have
come off so bad recently,

haven't they, every single one
of them.

- All men in Essex have
turned into skanks,

they're tight, they want
us to pick up their rents,

pay for them, at the end of the
day,

I aint paying for no Gigolo,
I want the real deal.

- We need some real men.

- How d'you feel about that one,
Rick?

- I'm alright, man, let
you ladies to it man,

the boys are all skanks around
here.

- Get over it.

- What the hell's happened now?

- What do you think it's about?

- He's a child, he can't
cope with confrontation

and him looking bad in front
of people, deal with it.

You put yourself in that
situation and you didn't need
to,

but you did, deal with it.

I'm so fuming right now.

- You need a quickie
with Arg in the bushes,

that'll change your life.

[electro jazz music]

- [Narrator] Next time on
'The Only Way is Essex'.

- You know, I'm past caring
about what Ricky says

about me or what big nose
Mario says, I don't care,

I've had enough of the abuse.

- All I'll say is one more
thing,

you got with Jasmin in Marbella.

- I got with Jasmin in Marbella?

- What so that's not true?