Original subtitles

The tans you see might be fake but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is Essex"

[women yelling]

- Are you bothered by it, Joe?

- Sam can do whatever she wants.

- It's Mario.

- Mario is never gonna give up trying with you,

you know that?

- I might as for a one to one.

- [Sam] [laughs] As friends.

- I'll wait til the end, I'll never stop trying,

'cause you're my world and there's no denying.

- I've got a bone to pick with you.

- What?

- [Ferne] Why do you think I'm two-faced?

- 'Cause you are.

- It's too much! - Where you going?

- Ta-ta. - It's not necessary.

- [Woman] It's really pissing me off.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[Joey grunts]

- Is there anything you can do to increase your boobs?

Since I've been single my boobs have shrunk.

- Do you know what is a really good one?

- What? - Just like pure weights.

Thanks for coming with me this morning.

- That's all right. - I needed a running partner,

I'm not used to going on my own.

Normally with Charlie.

Everything's all right with me and Charl,

but, I do need a word with him.

- Yeah, of course you do. - Because everyone was

sticking their oar in, it really wound me up.

I was fuming in the end because then

Charlie was saying,

"Yeah, but I can see where Joey's coming from."

And then Chloe was like,

"Don't talk to them two like that in front of me."

- Just seems like any girl that is within their circle

it's like, "Oh, it's not good enough."

As if you're two faced.

- I was so bugged out I had to walk off.

- Good.

They don't deserve your time and your breath.

- I think I deserve an apology.

- Yeah, you do!

Trust me, you will not get one.

I'm telling you now.

You need to speak to Charlie

because you can't have this, Ferne.

You can't have can't have him not sticking up for you.

It's not fair.

You need to nip it in the bud now.

'Cause that's what I didn't do. [chuckles]

- And look where you are now, ring less.

- Ring less. [laughs]

[upbeat music]

- I like Ferne, a lot. - Yeah.

- Got a lot of time for her. - I know that

she likes you as well and it's just like,

she started it and now you've finished it,

and that's how I want it.

I just want it to be done now.

- Just leave it at that, Charl.

Do you know what I mean?

I'll talk to her, anyway.

If you want me to talk to her, I'll talk to her for ya.

- So have you had a better party?

- Yeah, Michael Jackson party. - Yeah,

Dan's Michael Jackson party. - Oi, do you know what?

'Cause, obviously, not everyone can go

as Michael Jackson can they?

- This is what I'm thinking, everyone's gonna look the same.

How're we gonna know who's who?

James is gonna be there as well, isn't he?

- Now I just need to move on, you know what I mean?

- Yeah, now it's a new chapter.

- Come back to myself again, Joey Essex.

What are you saying?

Say says.

- Say says, cous cous.

- It's only work experience,

but surely I'm gonna have a desk,

'cause I'm a serious woman.

- So you can wear pretty trendy stuff then?

If it's the fashion industry

you don't have to go in a suit do you?

- I thought white jeans,

'cause they're comfortable but they're white,

so that's nice.

And then these shoes.

- [Lauren] Oh, they're a good sensible shoe.

- [Chloe] Yeah.

So what are you two gonna be up to while I'm at work?

- Well I'm having a massage.

If you wanna stay around here

and then we'll go and have some lunch later.

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- Great, so while I'm out grafting,

yous two are gonna be like leisuring around,

getting massages without me.

- [Lauren] That's how we roll.

- It's life Chloe, you're a working lady now.

- Look, the perfect housewife.

- [Jess] How many bedrooms is it Luce?

- Two.

It's small but it's cute, isn't it?

- [Jess] Oh my God, this dog scares me.

- So how's everything with Mario now?

- After the party I did think,

"Oh, actually, it might be quite nice to see him,"

'cause I think he.

I think I deserve an apology.

[dog growls]

[Jess yelps] - Oh!

[Jess laughs]

- Lola doesn't think so. [laughs]

- Sorry, Lola.

- She's so little but so vicious.

I'm sorry. - Lola.

- Maybe it's 'cause you mentioned Mario.

- Yeah. [laughing] - She obviously

doesn't like him either. - She don't like him no more.

- [Lucy] Did you see his tweets the other day?

- No. - I'm sorry but.

- Did you see them? - I seen them.

- What tweets? - Tell Jess.

- He basically tweeted pictures

of random girls holding Bentley.

One's a random girl. - It's been one random girl

and Jasmin and Abi - Abi and Jasmin.

- have tweeted pictures of them.

- Abi and Jasmin?

- Yeah. - In his flat,

tweeting pictures of your dog.

- Where she's with Mario. - That is absolutely

the most despicable thing.

- That's just spiteful I think, and really nasty.

- This is how I feel. - That's because

he wants her back and he's trying everything he can

to get her back.

- I wish I'd taken both the dogs now.

- I understand, it must be horrible.

And to see the pictures of other girls,

I think I'd fly around there. - Do you know what,

that's the one thing out of all of this,

that's hurt me the most?

It's weird isn't it?

You'd think it'd be

the 1000 times - Do you know what it is?

- he's cheated on me. - Because you built that home

and you built that family with him.

- Get the dog back. - I miss him.

I miss him way more than I miss Mario.

[women laughing]

- [Jess] I'm not surprised.

[upbeat music]

- Was you doing something to the dog?

- No! - Just like holding it.

- Or poking it, or

kicking it. - Just literally holding him

he's like this.

- [Diags] Oh.

- I don't understand

what the issue is. - Evil.

Evil, girls. - I really don't know.

- Evil, evil girls.

- But who even cares about her?

- Drama. - Dogs, eh?

Who would've thought? - We're going out to party,

have a good night. - Poor little Bentley.

[women laughing]

- That's the one who's caught up in this, Bentley.

- [Abi] I know! [laughs]

He's done nothing wrong. - I feel for him.

He's having a good time, do you know what I mean?

There's a couple good looking ladies coming around,

he said hello and all of a sudden he's getting grief.

- Wear that?

- Yes!

Black, white, and gold!

- There ya go. [Jasmin laughs]

- A mixture of all the parties we've ever had.

[women laughing]

- He wants to take me to a spa,

which, to be honest, it's a bit annoying,

'cause it's like we're not gonna go

and play happy family at a spa

and everything's gonna be all right.

Part of me just thinks there's no hope.

- If you got back with him

and had a row with him that is when you

can't bring it up. [door knocking]

[dog barking]

Oh, who's that?

Ricky.

- Lucy. - You all right?

How are you?

- [Ricky] Yeah, I'm all right, how are you?

- [Lucy] Good, thank you.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Isabelle. - You all right?

- You all right? - Hello.

- Ready?

- So I've come to whisk you off.

A little spa date.

- Okay. - Have a nice time.

- Here we go. - Thanks.

- Have a nice time. - I'll see you soon, yeah?

- See you later. - Have a good time.

- See you later girls.

- Bye.

- [Lucy] See you later.

- Are you looking forward to seeing your mommy?

No?

Me neither.

[upbeat music]

- It's like a Michael Jackson themed--

- Yeah, it's Michael Jackson party, yeah.

- Yeah, so, if you lot are putting in effort.

[Charlie yelling]

- Hey! [laughing]

- Here he is.

- How are we?

- Birthday boy - How you doing mate?

- How are you mean? - Yeah, good.

You all right? - What's happening mate?

- [Charlie] How are you?

- How are you feeling about the party?

Are you excited or what? - I'm excited.

I come bearing gifts.

- Aw, thanks. - Is he excited?

Look at the face on him. - Look at that.

- I'm excited but then again I am emotional

because as far as I'm concerned this is a bittersweet time.

It's four years this week that he's died.

- It's gone so quick.

- Got my moves ready, got my outfit ready.

It's always been in my blood.

MJ's in my blood.

- I'm actually looking forward to this tonight.

- Everyone's coming mate.

- Everyone? - Yeah.

- Even my mate, Mr. Essex?

- So you're still chatting with her?

- Yeah.

- There could be some magic on the dance floor.

- I wanna see your dance moves.

You gotta practise.

If you're gonna throw Sam away.

- Mate, I can't dance.

- What's just a nice little signatory move for him

that he can do? - Come on mate,

show us what you know.

- We'll actually get you rehearsed.

I'm thinking just the sort of.

You just like literally.

Sort of, bit of a hip thrust.

- [Dan] The legs loose.

- Is he winding me up?

- [Charlie] Feeling the beat.

[upbeat music]

- Bentley!

Hello little man! - Who's that Bentley?

- Hello, hello, hello.

Ah, I've missed you.

Hello gorgeous boy.

Have you grown?

Have you grown?

Have you grown?

Have you grown?

Aw.

- [Mario] You all right?

- Yeah, fine.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Thanks for coming.

- Calm down, calm down.

I know you've missed me.

Calm down.

Good boy.

Good boy.

- How you doing?

- I was fine and, actually,

part of me wanted to come and meet you today.

But honestly I am really really hurt

by you tweeting other girls

and other girls tweeting with Bentley.

I just think it's really, really disrespectful.

- Lucy, it's not though. - You don't think

that's disrespectful? - Not at all.

- No I don't. - That's my dog.

- No, he's my dog.

- Yeah, but you bought him for me.

- Look, Lucy, if I get a girlfriend in the future,

there's always gonna meet Bentley.

- Mario, you asked to meet up with me,

and you'd bring Bentley, okay?

And since then, you're tweeting pictures of girls

and other girls are tweeting pictures with my dog.

No matter what you say, you bought him for me.

- Yeah, but he's - He's my dog.

- still my dog, as well.

- Yeah, I know, but you know it's not even about that,

it's you know that that will hurt me.

- It's not a case of that Lucy, okay?

- You can't deny-- I've come here

to sort things out I don't wanna go over petty stuff

about pictures of a dog on Twitter.

- You can't, it's not petty, Mario.

- It is petty Lucy. - Do you know why

it's not petty? - You're saying stuff about

disrespectful, yeah?

I've come here to apologise.

You wanna go on about disrespectful?

Disrespectful's doing a sex tape in Marbella.

- What's that got to do with? - It's all caught on camera.

You're saying about disrespectful,

that's disrespectful. - What are you talking about?

- Pictures of a girl

with my dog. - Disrespectful to who?

Even if I did that? - It's disrespectful.

- How is that disrespectful? - It is disrespectful.

It's disrespectful to me I've got--

- You are fucking joking me?

Oh my God.

Are you fucking joking?

Are actually kidding me?

Are you joking?

You're a fucking joke! - Whatever.

Oh yeah, whatever.

- How many times, Mario, did you cheat on me?

30, 40, 50?

- Seven times. - How many times

did you sleep with a girl - Seven times.

- and then come home

- Seven times. - and get in my bed?

- Seven times, Lucy.

- Seven times, brilliant. - You fucked Mark twice,

as well.

And the rest.

- [Lucy] Are you joking?

Yous a fucking joke.

- I spoke to Arg the other day, I was like,

"Oh, hi, do you fancy going for lunch?"

He's like, "No, why would I wanna go on lunch with you?"

- What? - So I thought sod you mate,

I ain't giving you another chance.

- Usually he'd jump at the chance of a bit of food,

you know what he's like.

- Especially if you're paying.

- Yeah, which you would be.

[phone pinging]

James.

- [Gemma] Go on.

- "Hello gorgeous, how's things?

"Are you coming to Dan's MJ party later?

"The ice cream man, aka James Knock."

- Ice cream man?

- Oh shit! [Bobby laughing]

'Cause Joey called him an ice cream didn't he?

- Yeah. - Did he?

- Yeah!

- [Bobby] I've heard this.

- "Ice cream man aka James Knock." [laughs]

- What does knock mean?

- 'Cause I knocked him. [laughs]

- Oh, do you know what?

You can't knock him, he never gives up, that one.

- At least he can take a joke.

- [Bobby] Yeah, got a bit a banter about him.

- Yeah.

- Apparently Chern and--

- [Women] Chern!

[all laughing]

- There ya go. - Ferne and Charlie

are arguing.

- I don't understand,

where is the sticking up for your woman?

I don't understand it. - I swear to God.

- What's happened to the men in Essex?

[upbeat music]

[door knocking]

- [Ferne] All right.

- [Charlie] Come to talk about the other day?

- Come in.

- Oh my God, this is so relaxing.

I could actually have this done all day.

- It does look very relaxing,

but I do not know where to look Frankie.

[Frankie laughing]

I don't get it,

why are you having your boobs massaged?

- Well because like,

I don't know about you but, since I got my boobs done,

I have like no feeling in my left breast.

- Yeah, that does happen.

- Yeah, so I thought with a massage it might like help it.

- This will just help with the circulation, help lift them.

And also you can increase the cup size

using the cream as well.

- So they're gonna get bigger?

[Frankie laughing]

- They could do, yeah.

Oh my God. - I'll be like a H?

[Lauren gasps]

[upbeat music]

- Pops? - Hello?

How's it going?

- Yeah, it's going well.

But I've got a massive list of duties to do.

- What have you got to do?

- Filing, no way. - Ooh.

- Phone calls to advertisers with a whole script.

That's cold calling. - Oh my God,

so you gotta do sales?

- Yeah and then I've gotta whole speech.

"I'm Chloe from Essex Style Magazine.

We print 50,000 copies each year

and have estimated readership

140,000. - Oh my God

That sounds so interesting.

- Oh, there's loads more, Pops, you know what?

I think just gonna give that news today.

- So is any hot guys there?

- [Chloe] No, Pops.

- Gutted

- That's not on my list of duties.

Look for hot guys for Lauren. [laughs]

Pops, what are you doing?

- We're just sat here,

watching Frankie have her tits massaged.

- Tits?

- [Lauren] Yeah. [laughs]

- What she's actually having them

pulled about in front of you?

- Yeah, literally like a metre away from my head.

[both laughing]

- Anyway, so I better go,

'cause I've been chatting for ages.

- Okay, well good luck.

- I'll speak to you later. - See you later.

- bye. - Bye.

- Bye.

[phone ringing]

Hello, Chloe speaking.

Yeah, it was a personal call.

- I'll make this as simple as possible for you.

I just want you to talk to Joey

and sort it out and resolve it,

'cause I don't want it to keep

going around in circles. - So do I.

- Well say that then.

That's all you had to say.

This whole conversation. - No but-- [sighs]

- It's really that easy.

There's no need for it for me. - But that's the thing.

- There's no need for the agg.

You're causing agg for me, and so is he.

- Why shouldn't I have the opportunity

just to address that I was upset?

It turned into an

intimidating situation. - Yeah and I suppose

we all started on you, as well, didn't we?

- Well, yeah, actually.

- You know what?

You're just acting ridiculous, you really are.

This isn't the girl that I know.

The girl that I know, wouldn't do that to me.

- That was a really shitty situation.

- [Charlie] Yeah, okay, fine.

- And with comments from you and Chloe

that you two didn't have to pipe up.

- Right, stop bringing Chloe into it, for one.

She has nothing to do with the situation.

- But she put herself into that situation.

- Yeah, she stepped in because

you was getting aggressive towards him

and raising your voice.

So you stop talking about it.

- Zip my mouth. - Yeah, exactly.

Exactly what Sam does.

She brings her into the situation

when she's got nothing to do with it.

- She was in the situation. - Sometimes it's not needed

your opinion.

And I'll tell you that, it's not needed.

You don't need to share your opinion with everyone,

'cause not everyone cares.

- I can't bother with this anymore.

Yeah,

I'll wait for his apology. - You know what, Ferne?

It's just shit, you just don't.

Ah, there's no point in even talking about it.

- No, because I'm-- - No, there is no point.

What's the point?

You're acting like a little kid over it, all the time.

- What just because I've now agreed and sat here to--

- Yeah whatever, Ferne.

Just talking shit all the time.

The day you grow up, the day this will be better.

It's ridiculous.

[upbeat rock music]

- This looks nice.

Should be a good day.

- Yeah, it's nice. - We hope.

[Ricky groaning]

- Getting bags?

- [Ricky] Anything for you, my dear.

Oh God.

- Is that what you normally do?

- To make it go curly, yeah.

- Why does everyone always have these

theme birthday parties?

I can't be arsed to dress up like Michael Jackson.

- I love a bit of MJ.

- Yeah, but you would.

- Yeah, I can't wait mate.

It's gonna be sick!

- [Arg] Got any Michael Jackson dance moves?

- Show us how you do it, I don't know what you mean.

- He does this, he goes this.

Oh. [laughing]

- What like. [leg thudding]

Ah!

- [Arg] No.

- Fuck man! [Joey laughing]

- Michael Jackson had a pet monkey didn't he?

- Did he?

- [Arg] Yeah, his name was bubbles.

- Mine's called Peanut.

- You ain't got one, have ya?

Why are you so determined to get a pet monkey?

- In my lifetime, I will have a pet monkey.

[all laughing]

I will, I'll make sure of it.

- What's happening mate you, all right?

- [Chris] You all right how you doing?

- I've been better.

- Me too mate.

- Why?

[laughs] Mate.

- And I've gotta go in there in a minute

and go see probably like the likes of Dan, Lucy.

You know, all the others.

- Yeah, I'd love to come with ya

but obviously for me-- - It's just reminiscing.

- I can't go there when Dan's there because

I just don't respect the guy now at all.

It just be awkward.

[upbeat dance music]

[everyone cheering] [everyone applauding]

- So I get up and leave and Bentley followed me.

- No. - No, really?

What a kick in the teeth.

- Exactly, he obviously wanted mommy.

- [Both] Yeah, mommy. [laughing]

- Mario still thinks he has something to do with my life.

He's nothing to my life.

- [Sam] He's still holding on to something.

- If I made a sex tape it's nothing to do with him.

- [All] Yeah.

- Okay, whether you've done it or not,

it's no one's business apart from yours and Dan's.

- I think Dan's gonna go ballistic when he hears

he's going around saying that.

- [Sam] Really?

- [Lucy] Dan will go mental.

[upbeat dance music]

- Only went there to apologise, and sort things out.

Don't know, it just brought up the thing that, obviously,

you told me that Dan told you, about the sex video.

She's like, "What are you talking about?

"What you talking about?"

I was like, look, Chris has told me

it's come from Dan's mouth, I said, so don't lie.

Then she just went absolutely mental.

Bentley follows her

and then she took Bentley home with her.

She's still got Bentley now.

- What she just drove off with him?

She's always gonna have

certain things in her head. - The thing upsets me though.

All I want in my life at the minute

is to sort things out with Lucy.

I still love Lucy,

so I don't want someone disrespecting her,

and going around doing that, 'cause it's not very nice.

- Yeah, that is bad, I guess.

- The thing as well

that's really pissed me this whole thing, is Dan.

Every time that boy sees me

he's so up my ass it's unbelievable.

I don't even know where I finish and he begins

he's so far up my ass.

He's just a little yes man, that's all he is.

He hasn't got a spine.

He's just like, "Yes, yes, yes, I'm Mr. Nice Guy."

No, you're fucking not.

If he really wants to go there,

he really wants to piss me off.

I'll put him in it,

I'll let everyone know what he's actually like.

I don't care 'cause he deserves it.

You're as much of a dickhead,

if not more of a dickhead than me.

[upbeat music]

[women screaming]

[man yelling]

[Joey grunts]

- Woo!

[all laughing]

- I have the biggest gossip in Essex

and I heard a little rumour that in Marbella,

you know Dan and Lucy? - Yeah.

- I've heard they made a

sex tape. - Sex tape.

I heard that too. - You're joking?

- I heard that, as well. - No way.

Have they got it?

- Yes, I wanna see it so bad.

- Scandal!

[upbeat dance music]

- He's come through and said, "Yeah,

"I wanna to apologise, I wanna to speak to her tonight."

- You don't understand. - Let's just clear things up.

You haven't said that.

- No, but you don't

understand. - You haven't said it, again.

I feel like walking away from you, you're annoying me.

[Ferne laughs]

Look at you, you're laughing.

- But I love you. - No, get off.

I don't wanna to talk to you at the moment, Ferne.

- Why?

- Why can't you just say it?

- I will talk to him, I will clear the air.

- Fine, thank you.

[both laughing]

- Is that all I get?

I know we can beat this.

I promise.

Smile.

- [Jess] No, I hate you.

- All right, well just hate me with happiness.

I will prove to you that you can trust me.

- It's not gonna be an overnight thing, like,

"Oh, he took me to a spa and it was lovely,

"so now I forgive."

Obviously, it's gonna be in my head.

Trust issues, going forward, the future.

- Yeah but that's for me to prove to you.

[upbeat dance music]

- Stop looking at my tits all the time. [laughs]

- Oh, he ripped his trousers.

Ripped his trousers. [all laughing]

Shamone!

[upbeat dance music]

- I don't think, in the long run they're gonna work.

- No.

I genuinely do think though,

'cause Jess is older than Ricky, I reckon she thinks,

"Am I ever gonna meet anyone else?"

And you can't think like that

because if Ricky's done this two, three, four times

then what does the future hold?

- What's up son? - How's it going?

How are you doing? - Good, you all right?

- [Chris] Happy Birthday.

- Cheers mate, appreciate it. - How you doing?

- [James] Good.

[upbeat dance music]

- So obviously, I've come here to clear the air.

There's not really much to say.

All I would say is just, you know,

Charlie's my cousin, your his girlfriend.

And I think you're all right.

- [laughs] Thanks.

- All right?

- So is this an apology?

You openly admitted that I'd-- - All right, sorry. [laughs]

- Say it with some love. - I'm sorry.

- That's okay.

- Do you know why I said it though?

- [Ferne] Right, honestly.

- 'Cause I actually do think

your brain's the size of a bean. [laughs]

- My brain? [laughs]

I'm laughing because I can't believe

this is coming from Joey Essex.

My brain is not the size of a bean.

- [Joey] Can I say one thing, you know Einstein?

- Yeah?

- Do you know he was dyslexic, and I'm dyslexic too.

And he's the cleverest geezer in the world.

[upbeat dance music]

- Wait, what?

Who said about any sex tape?

- Obviously, you know, out in Marbella

you did mention it to

- Who said anything about it? - me and Ricky.

- So you and Ricky said it?

- Well, no, obviously I've said it to Mario,

'cause Mario asked about it.

- Yeah, but he wouldn't just randomly ask about

some random sex tape. - Well, he did, trust me.

Look, a lot of people know about it,

'cause you was like the cat with the cream,

basically, when it happened.

- Things are going around, right,

no matter what, no matter what if I tell you something,

you should keep it to yourself.

- [Chris] But he asked.

- I've been the mug sticking up for you, against Mario,

and now you wanna start talking crap about me, mate.

That's not on.

- Don't have to lie about it, do you know what I mean?

- Listen mate, I ain't got nothing to lie about.

I don't have nothing to lie about.

But it's not your position to say.

Even if I did, it's nothing to do with you,

it's nothing to do with Ricky.

It's not a giggle is it,

when you're telling her ex-boyfriend and all that crap.

- Yeah, well, like I said to you.

If you're finished with Lucy, again,

I don't think he cares that much.

- But obviously he does.

If he's hd a row with Lucy over it, he obviously does.

So what you've done is tried to stir shit,

that's basically what you've done.

Just be honest, you have.

You know it ain't a laugh.

You know there's nothing funny in saying things like that.

- But at the end of the day, Mario deserved to know,

it's his ex-fiance. - He deserves to know?

Seriously, mate.

- I told him not to trust people.

Why don't you fuck off?

Ta-da.

- All right, if that's how you see it.

Enjoy your evening, do you know what I mean?

- [James] Yeah, ta-da.

- It just shows mate you seriously can't trust anyone.

- He thinks it's all right to grass someone up,

then come over say and say, "Oh, I grassed you up."

He thinks that makes it all right.

No, you don't do it.

- [Dan] That's just as bad as doing it behind my back.

- Feel the love within.

- Don't talk shit to me.

Do I feel like I've got tight knots at the top?

- Yeah, very, very tight.

- Hmm, that's 'cause of you.

- Is it?

- Yes.

I feel like I can't even get into it, just strange.

- Well just. - It's just all too much.

Champagne, the strawberries, the massage.

It's just too much.

Stop, it's not even.

This is ridiculous.

- Well listen, you're the only - Just stop.

- professional that you can just do whatever you need.

- Okay, just get off me for two seconds.

- Fucking hell.

I'm not even joking.

- Don't get the hump.

- I'm not getting the hump.

Just chill. - It's strange.

It's just strange.

- Just talk.

You're getting a massage, - Okay,

- let's talk.

We're talking.

- [sighs] Come here, come on.

- It's just strange.

- It's all right, don't worry.

It's okay.

You haven't got to.

You keep justifying yourself to me like you need to.

You don't.

If your decision is you don't wanna to have a massage,

we don't have a massage.

It's as easy as that you don't have to get up and go

"Oh no, that's why, this is why."

It's okay, it's cool.

- I just keep everything.

You know when you think for a minute,

"Oh it's all gonna be all right,"

and then you remember stuff

and then you get angry. - Yeah, I know that.

- That is exactly what keeps happening.

I can't help, it just does. - That's fine, it is fine.

- It's all very intimate and it's very.

And it brings stuff that makes me think,

when you did it before when, I can't help it.

- They certainly didn't get a massage.

Do you you know what I mean?

Don't ever compare what we have

to anything that's happened in the past,

it's nothing like that.

- "They certainly didn't get a massage," did you just say?

- [Ricky] Well, yeah.

- Why would you say that?

- Well, 'cause you're saying it reminds you of things.

I'm saying I'm not gonna give anyone a massage,

like, there's a difference.

I love and care for you and--

- No, I know that - You shouldn't need to

compare anything like that,

it was never, do you know what I mean?

It's in the past. - It's just still in my head.

It's natural for a girl. - It's okay.

- To have that in their head. - I know, I get it.

And this is why I'm saying you can go at your pace.

[upbeat music]

- Ooh, wear the leather jacket.

- Sam, that was awkward.

[Sam laughing]

- Evil girl.

- Welcome, Mr. Michael Jackson.

- Yeah! [all cheering]

- Oh, he's sick.

Should I cuddle it?

Should I cuddle it?

- No, it's probably James.

- What?

- [Arg] If that is James, that's the biggest mug off.

- [Joey] I'm not gonna wait here.

Fuck that.

- [James] Fucking idiots, man.

- "Dressed up like Bubbles, Michael Jackson's monkey."

- "I was just doing it cause, like, I wanted to be Bubbles."

- Being pathetic about it.

- I thought it was quite funny.

- It was quite funny.

- Do you think Joey and the rest of them liked it?

- No, they did not find it funny one bit.

- I thought they were a load of monkeys anyway.

[Sam laughs]

- He is the monkey. - For once in Joey's life,

no on was laughing at Joey and we was all laughing at you.

And he's always wanted a pet monkey, so he's--

- Listen, if he wants to ring me up,

I'll come around and be a monkey.

[Sam laughing]

Needs to bell me up, I'll come and sit around his house.

- Please don't do that.

- Do it.

- Needs to get over himself.

- Apparently James Lock helped Dan with these

Michael Jackson style drinks programmes.

- Right. [laughing]

He's a liberty taker, the kid, isn't he.

He's a liberty taker.

[upbeat music]

- We've turned into porn stars all of a sudden.

[Lucy laughs]

- I don't know what to say now.

- Happy Birthday, usually.

- Happy Birthday Dan. - Ah, thanks.

- Missed you. - Have ya?

- Yeah. - How much?

- How much have you missed me?

You smell like washing powder.

That's 'cause I've washed my clothes.

[both laughing]

Aw, thanks. - So it's your birthday

at midnight?

- Yeah. - Aw, it's a shame

you're not gonna get a birthday kiss from anyone.

- What a bummer, eh?

- I know.

- I've never been a Wacko Jacko kind of guy.

- He was not a wacko.

- And he was like, "How can you call me disrespectful,

when you've made a sex tape?"

Go and enjoy your own sex.

Don't get involved in - I find it funny, yeah.

- my sex life.

- It's nothing to do with anyone what we done anyway.

- Since I met up with him he's emailed me

saying "Dan isn't like this nice guy.

How disrespectful has he treated you?"

Do you know what I mean? - How disrespectful

I've treated you? - Yeah, yeah.

- [laughs] He's to talk, in't he?

- You've treated me with more respect

in two weeks than he has in two years.

- I don't care what he thinks of me, to be honest.

I don't care what anyone thinks of me,

as long you know that it's fine.

But, yeah, I'll meet him myself, anyway,

and just chat to him or whatever.

- Be careful he's really manipulative.

Just be careful he doesn't try and turn everything on you.

- Doesn't matter, I can look after myself.

- I know you can. - I'll be all right. [laughs]

- The last thing I'm worried about is Mario.

So I'll just see him myself

and then whatever he's got to say he can say it to me.

- [Narrator] Next time on "The Only Way Is Essex".

- The first night you was in Marbella

when you and Luce slept together,

you apparently videoed it.

That's like every girl's worst nightmare.

- To be honest I don't care

what you have to say about me, or whatever.

You, Chris, and Ricky can all talk about me all you want.

- She's still my ex-fiance.

I shall always care about the girl, Dan.

Simple as that.