Original subtitles

a holiday fumble, and a spectacular showdown.

The tans you see might be fake, but the people are all real,

although some of what they do

has been set up purely for your entertainment.

Previously on The Only Way is Marbs.

- Mario's just tweeted, here I am on The Love Boat again.

- Sorry, why, I'd just be sick in my mouth.

- Name one thing he's done since we've broken up.

Taken out about 30 different girls, like, oh, come on.

- [Man] How's he got her?

- You're not my type either.

You look like an Essex girl to me.

- [Chloe] You look like a snide Essex man.

- I don't look at you and fancy you anymore, I am over you.

- Lucy, she's looking a sort, mate, aint she?

- She is actually beautiful.

- Sometimes he can be a bit of an idiot.

- This is my serious face, we're not having a pet monkey.

- Samantha loves him and that's the main thing.

[upbeat music]

[lively dance music]

- [Billie] Ah, this is the life.

I actually feel a little bit hung over from last night.

- So do I, but I'd rather be hung over laying here,

than hung over back in Essex at work.

- Me too, so what happened last night, in the end?

- Well, actually, I don't even know, I was quite drunk.

I can't believe I'm actually out in the sun.

I should still be in bed.

- [Billie] We should all still be in bed.

- I am so hung over.

- So are we. - I know, same.

- [Lucy] How good was last night though?

- It was brilliant. - Good, wasn't it?

- [Lucy] I had such an amazing time.

[Billie] Yeah, where did you go?

- Well. [laughs] - Go on.

- Well, like, oh God.

- What, Dan? - Go on!

- [Lucy] Yeah.

- [Sam] So what happened, what, he take you home?

- Well yeah, he took me home

and we had like a little snog at the club,

a little snog in the taxi.

- Shut up! - No, really?!

- [Billie] Good for you.

- Yeah, good for you.

- Do you know what, he's actually really, really nice.

- He's really nice. - He's such a nice boy.

- [Sam] He's lovely.

- You seem really happy and like giggly.

- I am.

But do you know what, I thought,

oh, it's too early to move on and stuff

but it just felt right.

Like, I'm not moving on like a relationship

but why can't I have a little bit of a holiday romance?

- Course. - That's what we said,

that's what we think you need.

- Do you know what, he's to my usual type,

but in a way, that's so much better, isn't it.

- That's good. - Yeah.

- You don't really want another Mario, let's be honest.

- Who is this Beth, like who is this girl?

- What, this Mario thing?

- Yeah. - Ah, I have no idea.

- [Billie] He's acting like someone who is actually,

deep down, really hurt and upset and gutted.

- He is, I think he is and I think this is the way

he deals with it.

- Mario's in the club bloody snogging that Beth,

little does he know you've got yourself a new man.

- I haven't, I've got a little holiday romance.

- [Sam] Holiday romance.

- We all know exactly what happened.

- [Lauren] Give me the gossip.

- [Chris] You shagged her, didn't you?

- A gentleman never tells.

- You blatantly did, look at his smile.

- A gentleman never tells.

- Oh my God!

- I didn't say anything.

- [Lauren] This is serious juice.

- [Chris] I know.

- I think you're guessing.

- [Chris] Really.

- Yeah, I'm gonna kep you guessing.

It'd just be nice to hang out, maybe,

just see how it goes.

- [Chris] I actually think she deserves someone nice,

so do you know what Dan?

Fill your boots mate.

- You guys need to come later,

I'm gonna be DJing for Ministry of Sound.

- That sounds really good. - You should come.

[upbeat music]

- I'm just getting the main things, get butter, bread,

salami.

- [Arg] Yeah.

- Cereal and crisps.

- We'll get, whoa, careful, careful!

Joey, stop.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, trust me, I'm sweet, look.

[car horn honks]

My God, mate, this is not even me.

[sat nav speaks foreign language]

I don't have a clue what this is saying.

- [Arg] No, I don't.

- [Joey] Can't you change the language on it or something?

- I dunno how to do it, mate.

You have to be able to read it in Spanish

to change the setting.

- Oi, where is this supermarket?

Oh my God.

Mate, I can't do this man, I can't do it.

- Don't worry about it, just ignore the sat nav.

You know, Joe, what I'm like?

Sometimes I put my foot in it.

Basically, I told Gemma how I thought about her

after being knocked back by this girl.

I think now she's actually rejected me,

I think you always want something you can't have.

- That's so true.

- Do you know what, mate, I think I'm just gonna have to,

I'm gonna have to pull something out the bag

and maybe get her back.

[laughs]

It's looking that way.

Oi Joe, remember, you gotta drive on the left side

of the road, yeah?

- [Joe] Yeah, I know, yeah.

- [Jess] You are too full of surprises.

- 365 days ago we were here, we barely knew each other,

yet we still knew that we wanted to be together.

It's just unbelievable, cheers bubba.

- Cheers. - Happy anniversary.

- Happy anniversary.

A year down the line, mad, innit?

- It's been the best year of my life.

- Aw, and mine. - No, it has.

Like, I couldn't have asked for anything more,

you do everything for me.

- Thank you for always being so sweet

and so respectful of me.

And seeing Lucy, like, she's been so upset

and I'm so grateful I have someone

that doesn't treat me like that, I'm very lucky.

- I wouldn't do that to you. - I know.

- I've got too much respect for you.

Um, I know you didn't expect it, um.

- Oh my God.

You didn't have to get me that!

- You deserve everything, so I hope you like it.

I tried my best.

- [Jess] No-one's ever bought me diamonds in my life.

Thank you.

- You're spitting on me.

- That was you! - Nah, it was you.

Ah, something's really clicked with us the last few weeks

and I think it would be perfect if you'd move in with me.

- Really, live together?

- Yeah.

- Oh my God.

- The only reason that, the only that they'll judge you

or put you down is because you're pretty,

that's the only reason.

Girls, like, from round our way are like that.

- It's definitely gonna be awkward.

- It will be awkward, but it's always gonna be awkward.

So it'll be better getting the first awkwardness out now

so when we go back to Essex, it's not gonna be bad,

if you come back to Essex.

- Who knows, I might come to Essex and say hello

to you now and then.

- But the thing is, you gotta understand, like,

everyone around here is friends with Lucy,

all the girls and all that sort of stuff,

but they don't know you yet.

- I'm not with you to rub anything into Lucy's face.

- Exactly, as far as I see it is that she's the past

and you're potentially the future.

- The hand.

[all giggling]

- [Jess] Her hand is on his leg.

- [Ricky] The hand is on the leg, oh no.

That's confident, that is very confident.

- Like you've moved on emotionally, I can tell.

Physically, it was more than a kiss, but a lady never tells.

- The lady tells all.

This is where it all started for me and Jess.

- Oh my God, yeah, it was this time last year.

- Yeah, here.

- Aw. - Now look at yous.

- I know.

Do you wanna tell them otherwise I'll tell them?

- No, you, I get embarrassed.

- Um, I asked her to move in with me.

- That's nice.

- Do you think that's a good idea?

- Yeah, cheers. - I think so, yeah.

- [Dan] Obviously.

- I don't know. - Lucy, come on!

- I don't, I'm not trying to put a downer on it

'cause I'm really excited for you,

but like, just take it slow 'cause you don't

wanna ruin the magic bit at the beginning.

- We've done a year of taking it slow.

- [Dan] I think it's great.

- Thank you Dan. - No worries.

- Right, come on, let's leave these two.

We can go for a swim.

- All right, we'll see you in a bit.

- Bye! - Have a nice dip!

- Do you think I was out of order?

- You did put a bit of a downer on it to be honest.

I think they're great.

- I know, but do you know what it is?

It's 'cause I think they're really nice together

and I don't want it to ruin it.

- Have you told anyone about last night?

- Yeah, I went round to see Sam and Billie this morning

at their villa.

- [Dan] Yeah?

- Yeah, they're really happy.

- What did you tell them?

- I just said that me and you had a little snog

and you walked me home.

- And I walked you home?

- Yeah, well, do you think we done something wrong?

- I don't.

I didn't think cuddling was a big deal.

- [Lucy] No, of course not.

It was a good night, it was a mad night.

- It was good.

- I was quite drunk.

[upbeat dance music]

- Bobby, are you loving it?

- I'm loving it - You're loving it, aint ya?

- [Bobby] I've got us some special shots, get on it guys.

- [Charlie] But hang on a minute, what about your colon

after the detox? Bob!

- Not for me Bob, I got me drink here.

I was Mrs. Marbella.

I've come back this year and the one person

that I want to be here is my boyfriend.

- I'd rather be in the hills.

I'd just be at one with me own thoughts.

- It was a lot more fun at the bar.

- Oh Bob, you're still loving it which is brilliant,

you've found yourself, I know what I like,

and we've just gotta crack on.

- I tell you what, I'm still in the party mood.

This is exactly what I love about Marbella,

the current bun's out, the beautiful bodies are out,

I love it.

I'm here to have it.

- [Gemma] Knock yourself out.

- Excuse me, hello madam, this is from the gentleman.

- The who?

- The gentleman? - Gentleman.

- Oh, gentleman, what gentleman?

- Hello!

[Gemma screams]

- Oh my God!

Rami, you lied to me, you said you weren't coming!

- Ah, look at her.

- That is so gonna make her holiday now,

she won't wanna go home.

- Did you miss me? - Yeah.

- [Chloe] It's like a squat in here.

Is this all you've got as far as milk?

- Yeah, that's off as well.

- Is it off?

- I'm eating it now and it just tastes disgusting.

- Joe, I'm still absolutely fuming about last night.

I don't need some old geezer who looks like

Father Fucking Christmas to tell me I'm unattractive.

Honestly, he is one clown, I cannot take him serious,

Cocoa the fucking clown.

- Don't talk to him no more.

I spoke to Sam.

- [Chloe] What's been going on?

- Completely blown me off, went to a party,

stayed out all night till eight in the morning.

Then I found out she went to a hotel.

- What, so after we see her in there,

she went to another club and then a hotel?

- Yeah, and then she lied to me and said to me

she got a cab with Billie, and she didn't,

so where was she going?

I feel like now that we're not,

I feel like I'm in a relationship and she's single.

That's how I feel.

But now I feel like it's just tearing apart.

I dunno what she's doing, what's she doing?

Imagine if I went to a club with loads of birds,

imagine what she would say to me,

there'd be absolute murders.

- That's normally what the guy does, not the girl.

- I dunno what to do, I don't wanna cry man.

Piss me off.

- I feel like now I've done this second Marbella,

since being with Joey,

it doesn't work when we don't stay together.

- But what are you bickering about?

- Just stupid things.

Just like dunno where he is or, um,

like, what club are you at?

Do you know what I mean?

They're not like massive, blazing rows.

But it's just annoying.

- It's like a constant, like battle.

- It's constant, it's annoying that we're not together,

like living together on this holiday,

'cause we should've just checked into a hotel

or something.

- I think it's almost worse,

the fact that when you're both out here

but you're with your separate friendship groups,

'cause it's like you constantly wanna know

what each other's doing.

- Yeah exactly. - Do you know what I mean?

- I'll never do this again,

like go to the same country on a separate holiday.

Like, he can have his boys holiday, that's absolutely fine.

- What it is as well, you two are both very stubborn.

So like when you have an argument or bicker about something,

it's like hard to like--

- Fighting fire with fire. - True.

- I just think he's a bit insecure.

Obviously you're a gorgeous girl.

- I don't understand why he needs to be insecure

because he gets loads of attention anyway,

so it's not like that's the issue.

- There clearly is an issue because he kind of has

these tantrums.

- You know people talk about your relationship, don't you?

That it's not normal, you do know that, don't you?

- Mm, [sighs] it's just, I love her Chlo.

- What do you love about her?

Do you love it when she puts you down?

- I'm just in love with her.

- You love her because she's like a womanly,

mother figure, Joe.

You're too young to even know what love is, honestly.

It's so hard for me to stand here and hear you say that.

You deserve to be happy, you've had a fucking shit life.

- But Chlo, I'm so heartbroken.

- You're the nicest kid.

Listen, I've not ever met one person who's had a bad word

to say about you except for her.

You're funny, you're kind, you're generous.

Joe, it's so fucked up, it's a fucked up relationship.

- I know, but I just can't see it like that.

I'm trying to, I can't see it 'cause I think--

- I think you can see it because you're talking

about it now.

- I can see it now.

- I don't know what to say to you

because it's like I can't help you.

The only person who can do that is you.

- Where were you last night, all at your gaff

and you weren't there.

- I had some dramas last night, mate, with Chloe.

- Why?

- Ah, just her, Lauren and myself went out for dinner

and she starts digging me out.

It's like, I don't really know why, it all went off.

She got up and walked out.

- What's Lauren said about it?

It must've been awkward for her.

- Lauren's obviously a bit defensive for Chloe, aint she?

But Lauren's also my friend.

- At the end of the day, Lauren's what, 30-something,

so she can go on a date on her own,

I'm pretty sure she can handle herself, oh well.

- How's things with you?

- Yeah, all right. - Yeah?

- I'm moving on, yeah.

Beth, Wayne, Wayne, Beth.

- Hello, you okay?

- [Wayne] Hi Beth, how are you, nice to meet you.

- I'm not too bad, and you?

- Oh, are you the one with the legs?

- Yeah. - Okay, cool.

- She's the legs, and she's Miss Universe.

- Is she, hm, good boy.

- Cheers mate, you know me. - Nice one.

- How quick has it gone?

Like, literally, tonight is the last night.

I know it's the best night 'cause it's the White Party,

but this week's just flown by.

- Imagine if someone turns up in red,

like Lucy just rocks up in red.

- Oh, she's probably gonna do that, isn't it, yeah?

- Someone probably will.

- No, I think that someone will.

- To be like an attention seeker.

- That will really bug me.

- I'm pretty sure it's the first time that Dan and Lucy,

as an item, are gonna be in the same place as Mario.

- [Ferne] Do you think Mario's gonna have the hump?

- Well, I've heard they've done the full deed.

- She's such a loose Lucy, isn't she?

- Loose Lucy.

- Living up to her name.

But do you know what makes me laugh?

She comes across as like a bit of a, what's the word, prude.

- Prude, yeah, she does actually a little bit.

- She does, like, oh like, Miss Prim and Proper,

and there she is dropping her knickers.

- Deep down, obviously, they've both got the hump

with each other, both going in their separate partners.

- They're doing it out of spite.

- I think it's out of spite and it's also like rebounds,

aren't they?

- Do you know what, the whole situation

is just getting a bit boring

because she's a bore and I just can't be bothered

to talk about it.

- [Sam] Can I just say, I can't take you serious

with that lipstick on.

- Yeah, no offence, but the lipstick is ruining the outfit.

- [Sam] It is.

- Oh!

[upbeat dance music]

- I'm going for a bit of a Monaco look.

- [Dan] There you go.

- Yeah? - Ready?

- Yeah, come on, let's go.

- Here he is. - Whey!

- You have to tell me what you think.

- Yeah, you look reem.

- No, be honest, what do you think?

- [Tom] The shirt's a bit tight, innit?

- [Diags] Yeah, round the belly.

- Well, it's the biggest size they had.

- Nah, I think you look nice, mate.

- What you're telling me this is the

I'm getting Gemma back outfit?

- I'd like to think so but I can't really breathe out

that well.

- I'd roll them shorts up, a little bit shorter man.

Yeah, see, that looks better.

- [Diags] Good set of legs, Arg, get them out.

- I was thinking I'll go more smart tonight,

do my buttons up and she likes when I put my dicky bow on,

and she likes me 'cause she thinks I look a bit like

Italian-American, like Robert De Niro.

- Steer away from the jokes, don't laugh at your own jokes.

- Just gonna try and say something that doesn't offend her.

- I'm looking forward to seeing everyone,

'cause it's quite hard for boys to rock a white look, innit?

- [Charlie] It's quite a camp look.

- Oh my God, Charlie, my skin is coming off.

It's like something from casualty, babe.

I'm practically sticking it all back on.

- Don't wear SPF, this is what you're gonna get.

- Let's make the best of a bad situation.

Right, if that don't clear up,

I'll just have a spray tan in the morning.

- What's going on with you and Sam anyway?

You gonna be all right tonight?

- Um, I think so, I dunno really.

- I never normally say anything, yeah,

'cause I never wanna like get interfere

or get involved or anything like that,

it's between you and Sam normally,

but this holiday, it's just different, innit?

- I aint having it no more, I swear down, I aint having it.

- She's been out of order mate and it's opened up your eyes.

You can't just keep bottling it up

'cause that's why you're always so emotional with it,

and you need to tell her exactly what's going on,

exactly how you feel and--

- She knows how I feel though.

- Aint saying it's gonna be easy, mate,

I'm not saying it's gonna be easy for you to do,

but you have to properly think about it mate

'cause this is your life, the rest of your life, mate.

- You gotta seriously think what you want, mate.

Like I know you're engaged to her, you love her to bits,

but this stuff shouldn't be happening, it's out of order.

- It can't be like this, Joe.

You can't wake up every morning getting upset.

Don't get upset, mate, don't get upset about it.

- You know me and Diags are gonna be here for you,

we're gonna get you through it.

- I just wish, I wish she had a bit more respect for me.

- Everyone's looking well.

well, to say everyone's looking good in white,

there's a couple of tri-fas-trickies,

what's the word called?

- Travesties?

- White's not everyone's good colour.

- Yeah, not everyone can pull white off.

- White's awkward. - White's normally flattering.

- If it's a White Party,

doesn't mean you're allowed to wear white.

- Mm, hashtag don't bother.

- Oh, here we go.

- Hello, I'm Craig. [laughing]

- It's gone like a saggy tit.

[laughing]

- [Beth] Oh my God.

- [Mario] I must say, I've had a really good time this week.

- [Craig] Same here, I aint seen you much, though, either.

- That's why I've had a good time.

No, I'm joking, obviously.

- You've been with her all week, aint you?

- Mate, can you blame me, can you blame me?

You, Beth, who am I gonna hang out with?

- [Craig] You should choose me.

- Right, well, to tonight. - To tonight.

- Yeah! - Woo!

- Oh my god, is that Wayne Lineker?

- [Chloe] Oh yeah.

He went, you're just a typical Essex girl.

- What does that mean?

If you're a typical Essex girl, I wanna be an Essex girl.

- You're a typical Essex gay.

- I'm an Essex gay, but if I was a girl,

I'd have your tits, 100%.

- What, not mine?

- Do you know what, I love yours but--

- No, but you can't have everything.

You was the gorgeous one the other night,

let me have something.

- Oh, all right!

- At the end of the day, I'm glad he's here

'cause his hair has totally coordinated with the code innit?

White hair.

- White hair.

[dance music]

- You must have some amazing chat 'cause I can't believe

how many birds you actually sleep with.

I don't think you've come home once.

You haven't come back to the villa one night.

- [Tom] You've been a super slag.

- That's a lie, honestly guys, honestly,

I dunno what you're on about.

- Just say it! - Oh, come on mate.

- You come into my room in the morning and went,

"Yes, two birds last night, smashed it!"

- At the same time. - Loved it, mate.

- I haven't actually slept with anyone out here, have I?

I've been more concentrated on getting a sun tan.

- [Tom] Do you remember how to use it?

- What, course I do.

[laughing]

- [Diags] You alright, Arg?

- What, shut up!

- You all right? - You all right, Gem?

- Yeah, you look nice.

- Yeah, thank you, you all right, Rami?

- How you doing boys?

- Good to see you mate. - You okay?

- Good man.

- [Diags] Ah mate, that's a fucking killer right there.

- [Rami] You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

- Bollocks, mate.

[upbeat music]

- Jasmin is looking very pretty tonight, as well as Abi.

- Thanks, Tom.

- All our white outfits,

it's quite good, White Party, innit?

- I think we've all done pretty well for the white.

- Aint it, I think we've done quite well

and you two boys...

- Yeah. - Thank you.

- Yeah, but we look like waiters, we know we do.

- But it has been a good party, though, to be fair.

- It's been a really good night.

- It's a good way to end the Marbella holiday.

- Hello son, you all right?

- [Craig] You okay, you all right?

- Good mate, where's he, old Mario?

- With Beth, he's been with her the whole holiday, aint he?

- [James] Gave you the elbow.

- [Craig] Yeah, what about Dan?

- Exactly the same, mate, he mugged me straight off.

What you saying tonight, you fancy coming out or what?

- Yeah, shall we go out for a couple of boozes, or what?

- Couple of boozes, well, we've been out every other night.

- So let's go then. - Let's go then.

["La La La"]

- I did see Chloe and, um, you know,

she just had stone vision and walked straight by me,

and I will speak to her when I'm back in Essex,

but for the moment, you know,

I'm not really interested in this moment in time

but it will be dealt with.

- Is she gonna come back to Essex with you

or you not in the mix?

- I dunno, I mean I've obviously given it, like,

I said to her that'd be nice if she can come back to Essex.

Her plan was to stay out here for summer.

So, we'll just see what happens.

If I've wooed her enough, she'll come back.

- You know what, the last couple of days,

I've had little kisses from model Dan.

- [Jess] You're going out with Dan?

- I'm not going out with Dan!

- [Jess] Sorry, you're having a holiday romance with Dan

who is a million dollars.

- Do you know what as well, he's so nice and so genuine.

Like, he's not flashy, and--

- He's a gentleman.

- He's a gentleman.

You couldn't have picked someone any more opposite.

- What I don't get from Mario and why I've lost

so much respect for him is the way

that he's been parading in front of you with this new girl

that he's been seeing for God knows how long

after all this thing with you.

- At least it's her and it's not me, Jess.

- Honestly, I was shocked, I didn't expect to see Rami

out here, when did he arrive?

- Do you know what, he came and I think he

just like really missed me and I think, you know,

for me, it's lovely that a man would do that for me,

do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, it is.

So, you know, I just wanted to let you know that,

about other night at the beach and stuff--

- Do you know what, Arg, it's like I know you so well,

I know you love me as a friend,

but when I looked into your eyes,

your love for me wasn't genuine.

I felt like you wanted a leg up.

- Nah, it wasn't just that.

I think, I think I do love you,

but I can't give you everything that Rami can give you.

- Don't ever doubt for one minute that I didn't

think the world of you and love you 'cause I really did.

And you probably didn't even understand how I felt about you

because you're too young.

That spell isn't over me any more.

- You do know I've put all this outfit on for you tonight.

I done my shirt and my buttons all up

'cause I know you don't like it when they're undone.

- Arg, if I was a single girl, trust me,

I'd be jumping all over you and I'd make the best love

to you ever, and I know that I'd make your year come true.

But, at the end of the day, I'm taken now

and that's something you've gotta live with.

- [Joey] Boys, I'm gonna go.

- All right mate. - See ya later.

See ya later boys. - You sure?

- Yeah, speak to ya tomorrow.

- Although we've been separate from the boys I feel like,

I dunno, like, we just haven't really seen them

as much as what we normally would.

I've hardly seen Joey on this holiday.

- Nor have I.

I know that he's fun-loving Joey

and everyone thinks he's really funny, but for me,

it's really hard because for a long time now

it's just been arguing, arguing, arguing

and it's really, really starting to get me down,

'cause I try so hard with him.

I know that yous know what he's really like,

but not everyone else does.

- I feel like everyone thinks that it's always him,

like everyone's treading on eggshells,

oh, poor Joey this, poor Joey that,

because he seems like a bit of a child.

- Don't get upset.

It's really upsetting to see that you're like this.

I know you're not happy at the moment,

and since you've been out here,

I can just see it in your eyes.

I know that you've been having a good time with us girls

and you've been blocking it out and saying like,

oh no, it's fine, I'd rather not speak to him,

I don't wanna argue with him,

but you can't live your life like this.

- [Sam] I have so much to deal with that no-one ever,

ever realises and it's just--

- A lot of people always feel sorry for him

because he always cries and he's very emotional,

and it's an insecurity with him.

- For me, it's hard because I just don't know

what's gonna happen and where it's gonna go,

and I love him so much but it's just like

why have you asked me to marry me

when you're still a child yourself?

Like, you still, you're not being the fiance

you're living up to be.

I don't know why he proposed to me,

'cause for now, for me, it feels like it's

so much more pressure.

I just feel like we're always...

- Man.

- You look so hot as well.

- Ah, Jess does look hot. - Thank you.

- So hot.

- [Lucy] She looks like a raving princess.

- She does. - You do!

- [Ricky] Like Cleopatra.

- Shall we go to the toilet?

- Yeah, let's go toilet, see you in a sec.

- Go on. - All right.

- See you in a sec.

- See you. - Love you.

- Another one night stand in Marbella?

- Excuse me?

- I said another one night stand in Marbella?

- Are you actually serious?

- Yeah.

- Coming from the guy that cheated on me every day?

- Did I really?

I found out the proof that you cheated on me.

- Okay, but, so you had a one night stand out here again?

- I didn't have a one night stand?

- Okay, that's what I've heard,

I've had everyone saying that you're a slag

and you had a one night stand.

- Oh my God! - You can talk, Mario.

Mario, how many girls have you been with why you was with me

and once we'd broken up, how many?

How many, how many?

- None, none.

- Yes, I'll admit to you, I'll stand here now,

I cheated on you, but after, I loved you every day

of our relationship and I put--

- You cheated on me twice though.

- I loved you.

- You cheated on me twice, Lucy.

- Are you joking, what you did to me!

- [Mario] Out here, in an ally.

- [Lucy] Shall we go into what you did to me?

- All right, let's go into what I did to you

apparently then, come on.

- Why is that funny?

I sat at home every day making you fucking dinner--

- Making me dinner, you never made dinner once!

- Who are you? - Who am I, who are you?

- Who are you?

- You've come out here and slept with someone

on the first night. - No, I haven't!

- I'm just saying what I've heard.

- It's none of your business anyway!

- Sorry, I was looking out for you, I'm looking out for you.

- You're looking out for me, by doing this?

- Yeah, if you want to be a slag, it's fine.

I'm looking out for you, I'm just thinking about you

and your family, they'll be disappointed and stuff.

- Oh family, shall we go into family?

You even lied to your mom's face

and said you didn't cheat on me.

- I didn't cheat on you. - But you did!

- And like I care anymore, we're not together.

- No, I don't fucking care. - All right then.

- You are, you literally make my skin crawl.

- Likewise.

- And I, do you know what I've discovered,

after I've wasted two years of my life,

I am not the mug, you are, you fucking prick!

- All right? - Hello, you okay?

- [Joey] Mm.

- You okay? - Yeah, you?

- I'm fine, I'm just so disappointed and upset

that we've not spent any time together on this holiday.

- What did I say the first four days of the holiday?

I wanted to try and see you and you was just going out.

- You can't say that 'cause I only had one big night out

and you've had one big night out.

- You're lying to me again.

- Yeah, but it's not just about this holiday,

since the engagement, all we're doing is arguing,

we need to sort it out 'cause the last thing I want is--

- But we can't stop because you need to be honest

with me, Sam.

- I am honest with you. - You aint.

You went to a boy's house party, don't lie!

- No, I didn't! - You did, you're lying to me!

- Oh, my God.

- You aint being straight with me, Sam.

- What do you think I've done?

- Nothing, you've just been going out partying with boys

and you aint even said, you're trying to say you aint.

- All right, okay, it's all me.

- You know, it aint all you, Sam, but--

- You're so pathetic.

- But this holiday you aint treated me with respect.

- I am treating you with respect.

- You haven't!

- I don't know why you're getting so upset.

- Because you're lying, you're breaking my heart, Sam.

You shouldn't be doing that.

You aint being honest with me, you aint.

- There's nothing to be honest about.

- It's about the whole thing, about the ringing thing,

I've been ringing you the whole holiday.

You haven't said sorry, Sam.

- Well, I'm sorry.

- You've been on this holiday like a single lady.

- So have you and the boys.

- I haven't, I haven't, Sam, no, I have not.

- One mad night I had, the rest of the time

I've gone for dinner and come back home.

- I'm always upset because you always make me upset.

- So am I. - But you're not.

- I'm always upset, you don't even see half of it.

- You are upset but I'm a lot more

because you're a lot more vicious than me, Sam,

and lot more angry than me.

- Vicious? More like I'm a lot more grown up than you, Joe.

- This is not working, it's not right,

it's not healthy, is it?

- But we're gonna have arguments, Joe, all couples argue.

You've been in a relationship before to know

that couples argue.

If we didn't argue, that's not healthy.

- You are the love of my life, Sam,

I think a lot of people know it, you know that.

I think the best thing for me to do is to let you go, Sam.

- But I don't want that.

- I know you don't and nor do I.

I love you so much, I just want to be happy, Sam,

and I want you to be happy too,

and I know I don't make you happy.

- But you do! - I don't.

- Why are you saying this?

- I can't believe I'm saying it,

I never expected this, ever.

Sam, I know you don't want it and I don't want it,

but I know it's for the best.

[upbeat music]