Original subtitles

a silver fox and a secret snog.

The tans you see might be fake, but the people are all real,

although some of what they do has been set up purely

for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is Essex."

- Me and Mario are really good now.

[screams]

- Diags definitely 100% loves you.

- What does he say then, Joey?

- He loves you and that.

- Drama, drama, drama.

- Do you know what the problem is with you two?

You're just not genuine as people.

- I'll rip that cheap wig of your head.

- I don't really wanna have kids much later

than about 32.

- If I have one by 27, for 27 to dead,

I'm pretty much fucked.

- I wanna propose to Sam.

- Do you?

- I'm scared, dad.

- James you're nothing to me.

- Lately you've been a complete prick.

Shut up.

- I'm telling you because I want you to know.

- I've got a mark across my forehead.

You sat there and did nothing and let all

of our lives get destroyed.

- Will you marry me?

- Yes.

[upbeat music]

[screams]

[laughs]

- [Group] Marbella, Marbella, Marbella.

My bells, my bella, my bells.

- Arg.

- Ah man, I told him to open the gate, man.

[bell dings]

- [Group] Arg, Arg, Arg!

- Open the gate you sweaty melt.

- Ah mate, mate, are you having a laugh.

- Diags, you just have to lose weight mate,

this is just getting ridiculous.

- Nothing to do with the weight,

nothing to do with the weight.

- You've put on a lot of weight.

- I've not put on a lot of weight!

- Come on, Joe.

- Oh my God.

[wall crashes]

- Oh oh, shit!

- What are we gonna do?

[laughs]

- You broke a whole wall down, you just broke

a whole wall down, a whole wall.

- We're going to have to pay loads for this man,

and we've only been here five minutes.

We might as well make it look a bit better, mate.

We can rebuild a little bit of it.

Ah, ah it's on my foot.

- It hurts, it hurts, doesn't it?

- It's on my foot.

- That hurts.

It's not so funny now, is it?

It's not so funny now you got bricks on your feet.

- Welcome to paradise, boys

- Yes, let's go in boys, open sessers.

- What a great start.

- Open sessers.

[rock music]

[water splashes]

- What are yous doing?

Why didn't you just ask me to answer the door?

[upbeat music]

- Look at this.

Mario's just tweeted saying, "Here I am 2013, Marbella,

"on the love boat again", and he's tweeting

a picture with a girl.

- What?

- Look.

- Love boat?

- Is he actually joking?

- So I just want to be sick in my mouth.

- That is just so cringe.

So bad, what the love boat you proposed

to Lucy on last year I suppose.

- That's so bad.

- And really she's had a lucky escape not marrying him.

- I do think at the minute it's good she is not here

because you don't need that drama when you're on holiday,

when you're on holiday you should have fun,

especially out here in Marbella.

- I just hope now all the Mario and Lucy dramas are over.

- We're having this conversation and I'm sitting here

flicking through my wedding magazine.

[laughs]

- [Arg] This is a boys holiday.

- [Joey] This is gonna be sick.

- This is what it's all about, innit?

Women, beer, women with beer.

You're single, you're single, I'm single.

- Joey, boys holiday, no Samantha.

- [Man] So what are the chances of you getting with Gem

this holiday?

- I think if I really wanted to make something

happen then I'm pretty confident I could.

[laughs]

How could she resist?

[laughs]

[calm music]

[humming]

- This is just like another life,

compared to what we're used to when we normally

come to Marbs, this is just so different.

- This is where I feel I belong.

Like being up here, being at one with nature.

- Do you know what though, it's like I think when you come

to places like this you realise

who matters most in your life.

But I'm really missing my boyfriend at the moment, Rami.

- You know what, I feel like a monk.

I've embraced this.

- I mean it is a bit stressful being with Rami,

because he says to me like if I dared pass wind

in front of him he would instantly dump me.

So it's not good after I have a curry,

I'm in bed clenching all night to the point

when the minute he goes to work

in the morning it's a relief.

- I heard!

In bed last night she's like a brass band.

- Whereas if I was with Arg he wouldn't take no

notice of things like that, because that's the thing,

we're such good mates I can pass wind in front of him,

I haven't gotta impress him any more.

- [Charlie] This is so relaxing.

- I feel I'm ready for clubbing.

- You look like a right funky Buddha.

[upbeat music]

- We haven't been here long enough to get like a proper good

tan for the bikini competition.

- No way, no exactly.

- [Jasmine] I needed a spray tan well badly.

- [Abi] You don't really need one though.

- [Jasmine] Yeah, I do, I need to get like the Marbs look.

- That's what I've done, oranged it up.

- Ha, ha, ha, oranged it up.

Done?

- Done.

- Got to wait for it to dry.

It's really nice and refreshing, that is.

- [Abi] It smells really nice.

- I know, does it look nice?

- Yeah, really natural.

- Do you know what, it's like we've been working so hard

and just to come on holiday and be in the sun

is so nice.

- So Mario's out here, newly single Mario.

- I know, he's quite hot I mean.

- He's got a nice boat but a bit of a monkey personality.

- I need to get another layer now.

- Yeah one more layer and you'll be good to go.

Yeah of course.

- Can't wait for the competition.

- Miss Marbs Bikini.

- [Ricky] Look at that, that is some serious

naughty machine.

- Beautiful.

- You all right?

How you doing? - Alright boys?

How are ya?

- Alright mate. - You okay?

- Not to bad, just got here. - Do you like my new toy?

- Yeah, it's all right.

- Good, okay, see you guys. - Take care mate.

- Which one is it?

- He's borrowing it off me.

- Is he?

- Yeah, I told him he gotta have it by five,

yeah, back by five, sweet.

- Back by five

- Sweet, lovely [laughs].

- Do you know him?

- Yeah, he's borrowing the car off me, ain't he.

- Don't be silly, do you know him?

- Yeah, of course I know him.

He's Wayne Lineker, he's a bit of a club promoter,

he owns clubs in Ibiza, Marbella.

- Yeah, to be fair, I have heard of that name before.

I know he's a bit of a--

- If he dirties up my car though the friendship is over.

- So I've gotta DJ for this Marbella sessions

album launch party, what to wear.

These are you.

- Yeah but I haven't got a bum to put in them.

- Yeah but you've got super long skinny legs

so you gotta.

- Have you noticed anything different about my face?

- Go on.

- Anything around here?

[laughs]

- Your lips?

- Yes, I got filler taken out.

Yeah, look, profile.

- Yeah they're flatter, they look nice.

- I like it but I do feel a little bit like Chloe no lip.

From the side I like it but when I smile

I feel like they really come out now.

- What the teeth?

- This is an all right smile but if I really crack

out look.

They're not too big for Marbs, they're making a statement

of their own.

- Well love it pops, rocking the natural.

- Natural, just take these out next and sorted.

[laughs]

- What a difference a year makes.

- I know, tell me about it.

- Gotta think this time last year.

- Remember this time last year, you was down there.

doing the whole Titanic move, had Lucy down

there on one knee.

- 25 grand down.

- Couple of grand down, fuck me.

- It's so weird, so weird.

- I can imagine.

- We were literally miserable and then now and again

we would enjoy ourself.

I think you should enjoy yourself all the time at our age

and then now and again have an argument.

- Exactly.

You ain't exactly old, are ya.

You're pushing on a bit like, but not as far as me,

you're getting there, you know what I mean.

- She said when we broke up, she broke

with me and she said eh.

- But you're not in the wrong at the end of the day,

do you know what I mean?

- Which is true.

I mean, you know, the amount of times that I've messaged

girls behind Lucy's back and she's found out,

it shouldn't be like that.

It should be the fact that if I'm with a girl

I should want to be with her.

Mate, it was shit, it just got to the stage

where we weren't having sex, we just literally--

- Really?

- We'd see each other and it wasn't even fun,

like you know I'm enjoying life for once.

For the first time in like six months I'm actually smiling

again, I'm actually having fun with you

and I'm having fun with the boys.

It feels right.

Exactly.

[upbeat music]

- Mario's tweeted a picture of his feet

and a girl's feet.

I don't know who this girl is,

I haven't got a clue who she is.

- I can imagine.

- Oh wow.

That is the peachiest bum I've seen all day.

Peachier than peach.

- I could bite that I could do.

- I've had a couple of rumours that you've been

putting on Lucy a little bit.

- To be fair I just said what everyone else was thinking.

Aren't I?

- I don't know if she's coming here,

just said that she might not come here

because of Mario and I said, "Why don't you send her over?"

Just chat to her, it'd be nice for us,

it'd probably be nice for her too

with all of us, just have a laugh

and feel better in herself.

- So we can chat and talk about kids

and books and the environment.

[laughs]

- Welcome everybody to Miss Bikini Marbs.

[crowd cheers]

- Oh, there's Mario.

- Oh, yeah.

- Who's the fellow he's with?

- Don't know.

- New best pal?

New Little Chris?

- I think you two will make up one day, don't you think?

- Not no more.

- We haven't even started the competition

and you're trying to stab me.

- Alright everybody, let's go, show some love, show some

love for the girls.

[audience applauds]

- She's fucking fit.

[screams]

- [Host] Ladies and gentlemen, the judges

have decided.

- Number six.

[audience applauds]

- It's nice to see Jasmin winning.

- Why's that?

- Well, she's an Essex girl.

[screams]

- Oh, it's exactly what I need.

- My god, that is one sweet potato mate.

She does look fucking fit, know what I mean.

- Yeah, she's a very good looking girl, isn't she?

- You're allowed to say when someone's good looking,

you know they are.

- I just said she's a very good looking girl.

- Yeah, I know.

- Jessica.

- Oh my God, Luce, you're here.

- I changed my mind.

- Good.

Look at you, oh my God, you look amazing.

Did you just walk past Mario?

- I don't know if I did.

- You did, he's sitting right at the front.

- Is he?

I didn't even see, I don't care.

- Oh my God, Luce.

- Do you know what I thought, sod it, he's here,

why can't I have a good time?

- Yeah, definitely, of course, that's why I have been

saying to you.

Ah Luce, you look absolutely beautiful.

- Ah thank you, so do you.

- Your body.

- I've been working hard for this so.

- It shows.

- I just got off the plane on my way here

and I seen him tweet.

- Yeah I know, I know.

- Saying have you seen it?

Marbs 2013 hash tag on the love boat again.

- Is he taking the piss?

- And his legs with a girl's legs.

The thing is I'm not, it's not that I'm that bothered

he's with a girl 'cos I know he is,

'cos he's told me and other people told me that he started

seeing girls and do you know what, I can't comment,

I finished it, fine.

But to say on the love boat again.

- I know, you.

- No, no, no, wait on the love boat again

when he proposed to me on a boat,

it just shows he's down here and I'm up there.

- Why's he doing that?

- I'm getting on with my life, starting new businesses,

what's he doing?

Name one thing he's done since we have been broken up?

Hired a different car every day,

taken out about 30 different girls, like oh come on.

- The important thing is that you're here,

you look amazing and you look like the strongest,

most independent women I have ever seen.

- Are we going out tonight?

- Yes.

- Yes, oh yeah. - Obviously.

[upbeat music]

- Boys do you know what Gemma's doing?

Apparently she's gone up into the mountains

to find herself.

- What?

- I know, you know she loves all that spiritual shit.

- Has she found it?

- She's trying to find herself again.

- To be fair I did go to Cape Town recently,

I went to a mountain called Table Mountain

and I did find myself up there.

- How did you find yourself?

- [Joey] Yeah it was brilliant.

- [Arg] What did you find about yourself?

- I just found myself in a position

where I've thinking ream.

[laughs]

- Fair point.

[calm music]

- I can't believe the first thing

up my bum in Marbs is gonna be a tube.

- Are you sure you wanna do this?

- I'm into yoga now, I'm meditating,

I've kind of become very, very I wanna say Gandhi.

[laughs]

- I think it's no, he wasn't called Gandhi, was he?

- Muhammad Ali?

- No, you're not quite there yet.

- No Mahatma Gandhi didn't do Clonix.

He run the world.

- [Charlie] No Gemma.

- Not the world, he run Israel or something.

- India. - India.

- You're thinking of the Dalai Lama.

- The Dalai Lama, me and him are like that.

- I would never let anything near my back passage.

Man, tube, anything.

I think, no way.

- Good luck mate.

- Thanks guys.

[upbeat music]

- Lauren.

- Wayne.

- Alright, darling. - How are you?

- I'm good, you?

- Yeah, I'm good, thank you.

- I haven't seen you since Ibiza last year.

- I know, that was a good holiday.

- So how's the DJ-ing going?

- Really well, I'm here DJ-ing, that's why I'm out here.

- Are ya?

- Yeah.

- And what's that for?

- Well, Ministry of Sound are having

a like Marbella album launch party,

so I'm DJ-ing at that.

I think everyone is coming, you should come,

it will be good.

- Okay, I'll come, yeah, I'll come, I'll look forward to it.

- So what's going on with your love life?

Anything.

- No, my love life's, you know, sort of it's okay.

- You always seem to have some kind of young hot

brunette on your arm.

- I'm attracted to a good looking lady, Lauren, you know.

- Most men are, it's quite normal.

- So how's things in your life?

Are they good?

- What my love life or my life in general?

- Both.

- I'm still single.

- Yeah.

- Other than that works really good.

- Will you be single forever, do you think?

- Well I'd like to think hopefully not.

- Gosh I'm hot.

- Bob.

[screams]

How much more's gotta go in?

- [Bob] 500 litres.

- You're bash your body open Bob, that must be millilitres.

- [Bob] I don't know, you know me,

I'm not good at maths.

- Does it say ml or L?

- [Bob] It's Spanish.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

- Hi Pops. - Hi Pops.

- You alright?

- I've just bumped into Wayne Lineker.

- Oh really.

- Yeah, he's saying would I go for dinner with him later.

- What like a date?

- Well, I don't want it to look

like a date so you're going to come with me.

- Oh Pops, how can I come with you?

- Why wouldn't you?

You know we come as a pair, we're a unit.

- Obviously, but why would I come with you on a date?

I'm not invited.

- It's not a date, it's a dinner, it's a big difference.

- Was I invited?

- Well, not technically.

By me you are.

- I'll come but I could think of other ways

I'd like to spend my evening, thank you.

- It's a free dinner, what are you complaining for?

Be grateful.

- You owe me one.

[bright music]

- Girls.

Oh my.

- [Woman] Where are you?

- I'm drinking the most sickish drink

in the sickest place, like good sick place

but I'm just missing Marbella.

- [Woman] We miss you, you'll come and join us tonight.

What are you doing, get out, come on.

- I feel a bit out of order because I've come

to this health retreat with Bobby and Charlie

and they're all like yomming, omming

and doing yoga, I'm not interested in doing the yoga,

I wanna be out down at the port at Sinatra's bar.

- [Woman] You're in Marbella, you gotta

come out for drinks and dancing.

- I know but I just feel a bit bad

on the boys, you know they can be a bit temperamental

if I just leave 'em they might get the ump.

- [Woman] Make sure you come out though Gem,

we miss you.

- All right love you lots.

Bye.

[upbeat music]

- Mate, I'm in the perfect situation to get over a girl.

- I don't mind nicking a bird either

at the end of the day.

- True, you might need my help.

[laughs]

- Little comb over.

[laughs]

- Mate, we're in Marbella, every girl, one in three

is gonna be a rocket.

This is our first day.

as far as I'm concerned this is nothing.

I'm starting my Sistine chapel,

I'm gonna go out and go mad [laughs].

She can't do anything about it.

She's chosen this so she can't get mad with anything.

- Like you said, she was the one that ended it.

- Look, Lucy's a beautiful girl,

but there's a lot of girls to get over.

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

- Here he is. - There he is.

- [Sam] My future husband.

- What's happening, girls?

- So like what, have you been thinking

like best man, bridesmaid and him.

- Don't worry, you're both bridesmaids.

The funniest thing about Ferne how she is part of the family

because at the engagement party when it was the family

picture she was in it.

- There's Lucy, what's happening, Tom?

- I heard you said I'd give her a go?

- Yes, I gotta try, ain't I?

You can't shrug a guy for trying.

[laughs]

- Mate, there are so many salts here.

- It's ridiculous mate, literally,

I've never seen so many nice birds in one place,

it's a joke, especially Lucy, she looks nice though,

don't she?

- Who Lucy?

She's a sort mate, ain't she.

- She is actually beautiful.

Stunning. - She's single now.

- Yeah?

- Alright, big boy.

How are you doing mate?

- How you doing?

You alright?

- Yeah, not to bad.

What do you reckon of this club?

Wayne's got a nice club ain't he?

- It's good, it's good.

- Mate, it is rammed in this place.

- Loving it.

There are so many birds in here.

We've just been admiring Lucy.

- Really?

- He's actually thinking about making a move on her.

- Are you really?

You legend.

[upbeat music]

- I love you.

- I love you too.

- Have you been drinking?

- I've had a few wines.

- I'm drinking water, detoxing.

Do you think it's cool, like obviously you know when you go

about and stuff, you know when you go out with someone you

go what's happening?

Do you reckon that's good?

- I don't do that.

- Go round what's happening mate, cool.

- Do I think that's cool?

- No, that's what I'm saying, do you think it's cool?

- No, it's stupid.

- I know.

- Don't be very easily lead like you usually are.

- I'm not going to do that, I would never do that, would I?

- Don't be a sheep.

- I'm not a sheep.

- You are a sheep.

- I'm an elephant.

[laughs]

- They look happy together, don't they?

- [Billie] They always sit like each other.

- How excited though, we're going to be bridesmaids.

- Show us your ring.

- When are we getting married?

- Next week?

- I already know who my bridesmaids are,

I already know what kind of venue we would like,

I already know the car to travel in.

- Right, this is it then. - The dress.

- I know already what pets I'm going to have there.

I know exactly what my best man is.

- I'm not being horrible, I'm not being bossy,

but I would prefer it if I was 80% in control

when we do come to planning the wedding.

- You can't be like that.

- [Sam] Because I'll make sure, I'll make sure it's amazing.

- I've got to have at least 25% Sam.

- Exactly, okay, so you can have 25%.

- And you can have 75%.

- [Sam] Yeah.

- I've always thought of Manth being with someone older.

Like looking after her, picking up the bill,

like making sure that she's got security.

He's just not like that.

I really like Joey, and I think that he's a lovely boy

and I think that he's, Samantha loves him

and that's the main thing.

- I'll make sure it's perfect.

- Before the wedding can I get one thing sorted.

I'm buying a house before you do the wedding.

I want a pet monkey, I wanna try and find out.

- This is my serious face.

We're not having a pet monkey.

- We've gotta have one 'cause I've already

saw my pet monkey's life.

- You can't, is it legal?

You cannot have one.

Stop trying to be Justin Bieber.

- I'm not trying to be Justin Bieber.

- You are, he had a monkey,

you're trying to be Justin Bieber.

- Sometimes he can be a bit of an idiot.

Do you honestly think she can put up with that?

- Hello. - Hello.

- How are you?

- Fine, how are you?

- Good, I hope you don't mind I brought Chloe with me.

- Alright?

- I wasn't expecting you, but there you go, you okay?

- [Chloe] Yeah, I'm good thanks, how are you?

- I'm good, yeah.

- We kind of go everywhere together don't we, Pops?

- Is that right?

Security guard, is it?

Is that right?

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

- Thank you.

- Oh, my God.

- [Jess] I'm embarrassed for him.

- I am embarrassed for him.

- This is very, very generous of you, Mario.

- Yeah, I know.

- Do you know what, it's all fake money,

'cos I know exactly what's in Mario's account

and it's fuck all.

- She's looking over.

- Is she?

- Mario, If you're going to make me jealous, come on.

- Ah please, bring something to the table.

- Bring some class to the table.

- Hash tag muggy.

- They say if your hair goes grey that you don't lose it,

but if your hair don't go grey you lose it,

so it's bad either way.

- Do you prefer a bald guy or a silver fox guy?

- Silver fox.

- Hm, I don't know 'cos.

- Everyone loves Phil Schofield.

- Everyone loves Phil Schofield?

- [Lauren] Yeah.

- People compare me to Phil Schofield.

- Do they?

- I think that's embarrassing.

- [Lauren] Why?

- I just don't think, he's not cool.

- He's a real cool guy.

- Richard Gere, something like that, that's cool.

- Has anyone ever said you look like Richard Gear then?

- I get that all the time, Chloe, what do you think?

- You fucking liar.

- I'm telling ya.

Are you not attracted to me then?

- You're not my type.

- Really?

You don't like silver foxes.

- You're not my type either, you look

like an Essex girl to me.

- In what way?

- I'll let you work that out.

- You look like a snide Essex man.

- A snide Essex man?

- What you mean?

- She's the original, you know,

portrait of an Essex girl, isn't she.

No offence.

- None taken, I've done well out of the way I look.

- Yeah, I'm sure you do, each to their own.

- [Lauren] Oh God.

- [Chloe] Is Lauren your type?

- Lauren's gorgeous, but you know.

- Ouch.

So I'm not gorgeous.

So I'm not your type and I'm not gorgeous,

is that what you're saying?

- I'm just saying you're not my type.

- I feel like you was trying to like dig

me out a little bit.

- No, I'm not.

- Well if you are, be man enough to say it.

- I'm not digging you out, I'm telling you how it is.

You going out later?

- We are.

- I'm not invited, no.

- [Lauren] Oh God, this dinner has taken a horrible turn.

- Well, I don't OAP's are really invited

to the clubs we go to.

- OAP's?

I love that line, that's class.

- I think there's been some kind of miscommunication

going on here.

- Really, I just thought it was quite clear.

- Oh my god, can we please move on.

- You're 50, you're behaving like that,

oh my God, I'm so embarrassed for you,

I'm going to drink this and I think I'm going to go.

- That might be a good idea.

- I thought he was an arsehole the first time

I met him and now I know he is definitely an arsehole,

so I'm going to go, lovely to see you again,

always a pleasure.

- You have a lovely evening. - Thank you.

- Alright, Wayne.

Bye.

- Bye.

- Couple of days into the trip, I haven't kissed a bird,

so much as even has a good chat with a bird.

- Do you know why that is?

- And I haven't slept with anyone.

- It's because Gemma is in the mountains.

Listen, we've come all the way up to sunny Marbella,

you know as much as Gemma's my friend,

I love her to bits, I like well spoken girls,

naturally pretty, classy.

- Then what are you doing in Marbella?

- There are girls like that.

- [Diags] Arg, a piece of bits is standing next to you.

- Can I have a glass of white wine please.

- Hello, go, you've literally got two

seconds or I'm doing it.

- I can't do it.

- You alright, darling?

- You okay?

- How's it going?

- Not to bad, how are you?

- [Tom] I'm not bad, where are you from?

- Ah, Norwich.

- [Tom] Norwich?

- Yes.

- What's your name?

- Beth.

- Beth, you're quite pretty, aren't you, Beth.

- Thank you very much, babe, you're not too bad yourself.

- Thank you.

[laughs]

- Do you ever come to Essex?

- I've been there a couple of times.

Not a lot though.

There's not much there is there?

- There's not much there?

- Not really is there?

- What you mean there's not much there?

- Like what?

[laughs]

Chill out, Jesus.

You've just got the giggles, aren't you?

- I haven't really said much, yeah.

- You're quite a giggler, aren't you?

- Yeah a little bit.

[laughs]

- So you said you're from Norwich, Beth, yeah?

Are you a farmer?

- No, I'm not.

I do horse-riding, not really farmer though.

- [Arg] I've done horse-riding before.

- Yeah, I've got my own horse.

- Doing all right then.

[laughs]

- I've done horse-riding twice.

- How did that manage for you?

[laughs]

[upbeat music]

- No, today was really fun.

- I know, like it's we didn't take it seriously,

it was just a laugh really.

- Yeah, it's all a laugh, all a joke.

Like bikini body.

- Nice bikinis, it's just so glamorous this year, isn't it.

- You're welcome to him darling, have a good night.

- How embarrassing I weren't even on the boat love.

- Find your facts out first then start make accusations.

- Did you say you did a bit of modelling?

- Yeah.

- Really?

- So what was the last bit of modelling you did?

- Eh, I've been on Miss Universe, came 2nd in that.

- Wow. - What?

- Miss Universe.

- Second, that's like the whole world.

[laughs]

- Well done, babe.

- When did you do that?

- Last year.

- So Beth how do you feel about coming to join us boys

for a drink later?

We'll go to the club or you come meet us

for a drink tomorrow or something.

- I'm busy tonight, so I can't tonight I'm afraid.

- Oh, who you busy with?

- Maybe tomorrow or something?

- Oh, here we go?

Hello mate, good to see you.

- Alright mate, what's going on?

- Mario.

- You alright?

- Yeah, you babe?

- [Mario] Not too bad.

- Ah, is this who you're busy with?

- No.

- Busy?

- Do you know this young lady?

- I do, yeah.

- How do you know Beth?

- I just know her.

- Yeah? - Yeah, ready?

- Yeah.

- [Mario] Yeah, sweet, boys see you later.

- Ah, Beth, you lied to us.

- Bye.

- Fucking bullshit [laughs].

I've never liked him.

I've never liked him.

How's he got her?

How has he done it?

He's got no personality.

Right, he's got an amazing six pack,

he's got a good tan, but apart from that--

- He might as well just be a body with no head.

- Get me Gemma Collins here right now, please.

- Knocked on the door, she's not there,

I've just seen the receptionist,

she's gone off in a taxi somewhere.

- Shit the bed.

- Do you think it's 'cos she's been missing

the girls and she's just wanted to get back

to some normality or something?

- I'm not been funny, but it's not like were

the butchest of men is it?

- You alright?

- You alright?

- Yeah, you?

- Why do you look so nervous?

- Don't know, you might as well say what

you've gotta say and just get it all off your chest.

- Well, to put it bluntly, I was in a nightclub tonight

and, you know, I did meet a really fit girl

and I was chatting her up and basically

I didn't get anywhere.

And then as soon as she knocked me back the first person

I thought of was you and you're the first thing

that came into my head and that makes me think that

that must mean something.

- I want you to be honest with me now,

because this is really important.

- No, I must admit when I did speak to this girl

and it didn't happen instead of me trying to find someone

else all I kept thinking about was, you know what, I can't

be bothered to talk to any other girls, I don't wanna try it

with anyone else, I wanna find Gemma Collins.

Why do you always get upset whenever we have,

whenever I try and be honest with ya and talk to you,

you always get upset.

- For a year you have been in my head.

And I don't look at you and fancy you any more,

I don't lust after you, I don't want you.

I am over you.

[upbeat music]

- [Narrator] Next time on "The Only Way is Marbs."

- I saw him leave the club with Lucy.

- What.

- What happened in that bedroom?

- A gentleman never tells.

- I fucking loved you.

Are you joking?

- I'm single, I'll do the fuck I want.

- Why did he ask me to marry him when he still

is acting like the bachelor?

[cries]

- She's not a good person for you, Joe.

- You're killing me.

- I've never met one person who's had a bad

word to say about you except for her.