All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S08E11.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

but the people are all real,
although some of what they

do has been created
for your entertainment.

[shouting]

Previously on "The Only Way is
Essex."

- You're too cocky for me, you
are.

- I'm too cocky?

- You got nice eyes though.

- This is an opportunity of
a life time working with me

and it won't come round again.

- If me and you are to be
friends is Lucy expecting

an apology off me?
- No, no.

- 'Cause she will never
get an apology off me,

you know that.

- You saying you want a kid
by 32 I'm expecting there

to be needles in the condoms.

- What?

- We can argue.

- If we didn't argue it'd be so
boring.

- He tells me I think a lot
more than what you're aware of.

- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

- Like we need to get my mum
some really nice flowers.

- [Jasmin] Yeah I'm gonna
get my mum flowers as well.

- Like for Easter it's really
special because you know like

my family are like really
religious.

- Then he went and got
resurrected in the, on the
cross.

His mum sat there with him until
he died.

- What does resurrecting mean?

- At the end of Easter that you
get like,

that's why they do Easter eggs
and stuff 'cause everyone's

given up chocolate.

- I reckon it's just
an excuse for the girls

to dress up like bunnies.

- I think it is.

- Basically, yous two
are like a married couple

without having the sex.

- Yeah.

- Aren't you?

[laughing]

- I think we are.
- You are.

- Well apparently you
was Arg's favourite sex.

He told me that.

He said to me, "Gemma
was the best I ever had."

- [Gemma] You're joking?

- He did, and to be
fair I witnessed him say

that as well before.

He always brags about it.

- That boy, so come on then
what's happening this week?

- Well roller skating disco's
happening.

We've all gotta go to that.

I think it's gonna be '80s
themed so like leg warmers.

- Oh okay.

- Shell suits, mullets, is it
mullets?

- Mullets.
- I hate mullets.

[door banging]

- [Gemma] Who's that?

- [Billie] Dunno.

- [Sam] Are you expecting a
guest?

- [Gemma] It might be the Easter
bunny.

- [Billie] Hello.

- [Jess] All right, how are you?

- Jess your ah, you come at the
right time

we're making Easter eggs.

- Wow.
- Look we made these.

- [Gemma] I love your dress
Jess.

- [Jess] Thank you.

- Very nice.

- These are amazing!

Did yous make these?

- [All] Yes.

- How are you?
- Nice and pink Gem.

- Yeah, it's for mum.

- Oh, I'm good, just really
annoying, like I had this big

conversation with Rick
and it came to light

that I would be 34 or
35 having my first child

so I was like, "Hang on a
minute I kind of wanted my first

"baby at about 32."

And he was like, "Absolutely no
way."

- If Joey said any of those
thing to me that'd really

make me, put me in a position
to think, "Well why don't you

"want the same things as
me I thought we was on

"the same level?"

- I think if you were together
with him in three years time

I guarantee you either an
engagement, a wedding or a baby.

Because after three, three
or four years you do sort

of move onto the next
stage in your relationship

and you do wanna do things like
that.

- [Sam] Yeah, it's like
the next thing isn't it?

- Especially when you're
so sure about each other

get the emerald ring.

- [Jess] I don't think we're
ready for even moving in

with each other.

- Why don't you think you're
ready to move in with him?

- Just don't, I'm not, like I
don't think

I want to live with him yet

and I don't think he's
ready to live with me yet.

- As an outsider you've
been together for a year,

if you've got doubts
about moving in with him

that don't sound right.

- Well maybe we're not as
compatible as I thought

if that's the case.

[upbeat music]

- What do you think about James'
voice?

it's like husky--

- It's a bit husky.
- it's quite nice.

- It's quite like, I dunno.

- [Jasmin] Come here darling.

- Like a bit sexy, do ya know
what I mean?

- Do you like proper fancy him?

- [Abi] Yeah.

- Do you?

You're dying to give him a snog
Aren't ya?

- Can you stop making me out--

- [Jasmin] You were
like, we were all being

really flirtatious,

it's no lie.
- No, it was like

natural chemistry.

- Did you tell him you was a
cheerleader?

- Yeah, he was like,
"Oh, a cheerleader yeah?"

Boys love cheerleaders though.

They find out you're

a cheerleader.
- Do they?

- And they're actually like,

- And it's proper American.
- "Oh."

I can do the splits like three
ways.

- Flexible.

- Oh my God so like basic
moves are like high V

and then like low V and then
like you spin them around

like that, clap and then
you've got to turn around.

- Buying flowers and
cheerleading.

- Seriously, but like Jas,
you've to get

into proper character.

Like I used to do it like
for like six years nationally

around the country cheerleading.

- They're always really
happy, like [simpering].

- Yeah, they put Vaseline on
their teeth.

- Shut up.

- Yeah, like that.
- What does Vaseline

do to your teeth?

- It like sticks your teeth to
your lips.

- No way we need to try this.

- Yeah so, they try and
have a massive big smile

and then you get more points.

- They must go like this all the
time.

- Yeah, like you just like
proper smile.

You're like, like that.

[upbeat music]

- Last night they just jumped
onto us just because we're new

in town and I think if you
go on another date with Abi,

I think you're gonna be on
your own mate to be honest.

- What?

I thought we were a team.

- Yeah, we are a team but I'm
just not.

- I'm not going if you're not
going.

- No, I don't see the point
in me going out with her again

when I know I'm not going
to feel that attraction.

You know what I mean?

- You could break the news?

- I am going to break the news.

- Yeah.
- Why do I get that job?

- You're the one Who's like
adamant we're not going

on a date with 'em.

- Oh, so you're not, you're not
bothered.

- Well I'd give it another
chance but.

- Yeah, I wouldn't.

We'll just have to tell 'em.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, it's going to be bad on
Abi though

she's been turned down twice.

- Shit happens.

- I need to get you some
new boxing gloves mate.

- So then boys, you all right?

- All right.
- All right,

how's it going guys?

- How's it going?
- Going good.

- How you doing mate?

- What's happening?

- What you buying?

- I'm just getting a new boot
mate.

- A new coat.

- They're all right those boots
I suppose.

- No football boots.

- We'd sorted out a
like a five-a-side team

with a few of the boys.

- [Tom] Yeah?

- Like Ricky, Charlie, Chris.

- Oh, all our favourite people.

- Actually we're just looking
for a bit of competition.

- The boys would probably
be up for it wouldn't they?

- If you can get a team.

- Well, what are we gonna be
playing for?

- Pride.

- Pride yeah?

- We are quite competitive
though Aren't we?

- So are we.

- All right we're off
now boys, we'll see yous

at the game, yeah?

- Sweet man.

- See you later on mate.

- See you later mate.
- See you on the pitch yeah?

- See you at the game, yeah.

- Cool son, see ya.

[laughing]

- Fuck sake!

Son, I'm not his son.

What do you reckon about
this football match?

- Why are you taking it so
seriously

it's a fucking five a-side
football match.

- This is what's annoying about
you,

you don't care about nothing.

For once just try and do
something yeah.

- In my life yeah on a
scale of things of caring

and giving a shit about
something and not yeah,

it goes my life, my career, my
future.

There like most caring.

Not giving a shit yeah is this
five-a-side football match

I couldn't give a fuck.

Remember the life, the future,
what I'm gonna do for a job.

A five-a-side football match.

- I'm just saying, you know
I'm quite a competitive person

and I would wanna win.

But I know we're not
gonna because the v-necks

are gonna beat us.

- Did I just hear right?

- I think he made a bit of a
comment.

- I said, "Cool son, see you
later."

And he, I swear he said,
like, "Who's he calling son?"

- He's a little bitch.

Why did he say it when you
walked away?

Fuck him.

- I don't know why he's said
because that's pissed me off.

- Trust me when it comes
to football we will just--

- Mate I can't wait for
this football match.

I'm gonna destroy him.

- Look at their team,
seriously look at their team

it's going to be like playing
against of fucking girls.

[upbeat music]

- Luc I'm so glad you are
back happy Easter to you.

- Ah I'm glad to be back cheers.

- [Jess] I've missed you so
much.

- I've missed you as well,
I've missed everyone.

How is everything with you?

How is everyone?

- Well I just went to see
Gemma and Billie and Sam

and Gemma kept saying like,
"Why don't you live together?"

And I was like, "Well, we've
not even been together a year."

- But if it don't feel
right don't listen to them

just don't, just do what feels
right.

Not even a year that's about
the time me and Mario moved in

together, it wasn't right,
we shouldn't have done it

and we regret it.

- How've you been anyway?

What's been going on?

- Well me and Mario are really
good now, I'm really good.

I just bought a second shop
yesterday.

- [Jess] No way!

- Yeah, so I'm gonna

be even busier.
- Oh my God, that's brilliant.

- [Jess] That's really good,

congratulations.
- it's all good.

I'm really, really
happy at the moment, so.

- Aww, that's good Luc.

- We are, it's horrendous what
people have put us through

but we're so happy now.

In a way, I know it sounds
really warped

but in a way there's good
come out of it 'cause I've

realised so much I'm still
moving out

and Mario's a little bit
worried because he doesn't think

he's gonna see me as much.

Which he isn't but I said,

"You know what it's just
the way it is sometimes."

- And as well it'll be
when you do see each other

it'll be good times rather
than like running in and out

having a row about what,
Who's left the towel

on the floor, whatever.

- Yeah.

- What's happening then
with Mario and Chris?

'Cause they seem like their
making up and breaking up?

- Well to be honest I don't
want them to be friends

and I know that--

- You don't?
- Sounds really harsh

but mine and Mario's life
got absolutely destroyed,

got pulled apart, our families
were so upset, so worried

and he just sat there and did
nothing.

What's what's happened with him?

He's just in between his
brother and his best friend.

I'm sorry he hasn't
actually been hurt has he?

But I'm never speaking to
him again in my life, ever.

- [Jess] Really?

- Never.

- [Jess] Oh my God.

- I think it's disgusting.

- Inside I'm still very angry
with everything that's gone on

and I appreciate the fact
like Mario's made the effort

to wanna see me like but--

- I think he just misses you
and wants to slowly build

something not necessarily
just jump in and be best pals

but he wants to start somewhere.

And that is effectively what you
gotta do.

You either start somewhere
or you just don't.

- I never felt like I shoulda
been the man in the middle

because like a best mate
wouldn't
have done that to someone.

Do you know what I mean?

And I was meant to be his best
mate.

Why did he drag me in?

- But don't forget the London
Fire.

- Yeah exactly.

- That was completely and
utterly burned

and look at London now.

it's been burned down
heavily but now look at it.

- [Billie] How are you?

- [Joey] Yeah good.

- How's everything with the
shop?

- Yeah good, it's well busy.

- Is it?
- Yeah.

- The opening was brilliant
wasn't it?

- Yeah I know it was wicked
wasn't it.

[laughing]

- You got a nervous grin.

- [Joey] Yeah, I'm well nervous.

[laughing]

- What's wrong?

- Basically, I don't know what
to say.

I can't, I don't, I'm being
stupid.

Obviously like me and Sam like
we're well happy right now

at the moment and stuff.

- Yeah.

- And, [sighs] I'm shaking look.

Well nervous.
- Aww!

- But honestly I haven't
been sleeping properly.

[sighs]

Basically, I've already, I
went to see your mum earlier.

- Yeah?

- Basically, I said the
same thing to your mum.

I don't know how to, I
don't know how to put it

like professional manner.

Basically, I wanna propose to
Sam.

[Billie gasps]

Yeah.

- Do you?

Oh my God!

- Yeah but I've had it
planned for ages but--

- Have you?

- I want, yeah but I wanted
to do it the right way yeah.

- Aww!
- You happy?

- Yeah course I am, oh
my God I wasn't expecting

that at all.

I am genuinely shocked;
I can't believe it!

Oh my God Sam Essex.

- Samantha, I think it suits
her.

- Yeah.
- Samantha Essex.

- Samantha Essex.

So, you're gonna tell
her that you're going,

you're taking her on a trip?

- Sort of yeah.

That's what I mean I've got
loads,

I've got loads of things to do.

I gotta get her passport;
I know where that is.

She hides it in the drawer.

I've gotta go pack her bag as
well.

- Oh my God this is so exciting.

Literally I'm going to have
the biggest grin on my face.

- Well she aint gonna have a
clue is she?

- My face is aching because I've

been smiling so much.
- Yeah, same,

right there as well.

- Yeah, oh my God.

- Mine's well hurting there.

- So's mine.

[giggles]
[laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Oh that is so artistic Gemma.

I love the way you've done the
flowers.

Did you wash your hands
before you done it?

- [Gemma] Yeah.

- Oh good.

- So, look I need to make
sure if I'm giving you the

responsibility of running
my tanning empire for me

that you are gonna be able to do
it.

Now first rule of
selling, look the customer

in the eyeballs.

I don't want you to
leave any salon without

an order Bobby and that is an
order.

Give 'em a complement, pay
'em a compliment, yeah?

- Lovin' your dress babes.

- Yeah or you've got the most
beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

You then say to her, "How many
bottles

"will you be taking today?"

But you smile when you say it,
yeah?

So, say you've got someone
really posh in front of you

you don't go around and say,

"All right darling do
you want some fake tan?"

- Yeah.

- Excuse me madam would you
like to try the most amazing

product on the market at the
moment?

- Yeah, so mirror her tone of
voice.

- Yeah.
- Good.

- [Bobby] Yeah.

- If it's someone from
Essex you can talk the jibe

that we do.

- Yeah, if it's someone from
Marylebone

- Yeah.
- it's a little bit more.

- Yeah, I need 500 orders a day.

Do you think you can do this
Bobby?

- I think that's a lot
in a triple dip recession

but we might not all be able
to afford to go on holiday,

but we can all afford a bottle
of tan.

- Right boys, I've called
on a training session today.

We need to take this seriously
we can't lose against

this other team.

We've gotta big help
thanks to Mark Wright Sr.

Not only in his youth did he
play for Milwall and Charlton

he's also a professional,
official FA coach.

These two new boys around
town, James and Daniel,

whatever their names are
they're giving it the big

and saying they're
semi-professional footballers.

They can take their tops off
down the gym as much as they

want, they can rub all over
their body, they can bench press

as much weight as they want
but their mugs are not gonna

be bench pressing the
trophy after we've won.

We are the boys of this town

and we are taking control all
right?

Let's crack on, lets do this,
Who's on it?

[boys shouting]

- Yeah, come on.
- Come on.

[boys shouting]

[upbeat music]

- And spin, touch my hands, and
back.

- Danny mate, I can't
breathe I'm outta breath.

- [Mark Sr.] That's it, good
boy.

[Arg screaming]

- Danny and Jimmy you mugs,
go on bench press that.

Ah good save Diags.

- What was that?

David Beckham my arse.

[boys laughing]

- Right, who don't score, 10
press-ups.

- [Arg] Good save Diags.

- Down for 10.
- 10 press ups.

- [Mark Sr.] Go on Dan

- Good save son.
- Time to go back

another yard, another metre.

[Arg screaming]

- Bench press that Jimmy and
Danny.

- Don't fucking getting
your tops off in the gym.

[boys shouting over each other]

- I love your daughter more
than anything in the world

and I wanted to ask you for
permission

to marry your beautiful daughter
Sam.

I've already asked Sue and told
Billie

and they're over the moon.

I hope you feel the same way?

I'll always look after her
and be the best son-in-law

I can be, please call me.

I hope you're happy with this
also.

I will be waiting for you to
come home until the wedding,

love Joey.

- That's perfect.

- Is it?

- Yeah that's brilliant and
it's all in your owns words

and I think that's really nice.

- Now basically the plan
is to go, I'm gonna,

yeah to tell her tonight.

- Aw my God, I just can't
believe it.

- I've got the ring made and
everything.

- Have you?

- [Joey] Yeah.

- What, what's it like?

- Yeah, it's nice.

But it's getting made I
gotta pick it up today.

- Oh my God.
- Yeah.

- I know Samantha is gonna be
shocked

but in like the most
happiest way in the world.

- You reckon?

- One million percent,
100 million percent.

Literally it's gonna be amazing.

Oh my God, Frankie and Chloe are
gonna be

just as shocked as I am.

- I know.
- Aren't they?

Like they, do they not have a
clue?

- Nah, not at all.

- Oh my God it's so exciting.

- it's me, Chris, Charlie,
two new boys Dan and James

we're all on the five-a-side
team.

You haven't met 'em yet have ya?

- No, I haven't mate.

I've heard literally everyone
I've spoke to about them

though says they're actually
nice boys.

- Yeah, they are actually sweet,
they're just sorta like us.

Do you know what I mean?

They're laddie, they like
football, they like drinking.

I think you'll get on
with 'em when you see 'em.

- I'll look forward to it.

I'm looking forward to
having my brother back.

- My man.

You seem different since you
come back.

- I'm more relaxed now--

- Yeah, you seem more relaxed
- I've put a lot of things

into perspective.
- More friendly.

- Even with my cars.

I've got two Mercs.

I have no need to have two
Mercs.

I have a black one and a white
one.

- I will have one of those for
you.

- This stuff doesn't matter to
me anymore.

It's helped me realise that.

It's helped me realise more
about things

with friends and stuff, how
much more actual true friends

mean to me.

And like with regards to
you, with regards to all

the other boys and especially
Chris

that's what it's made
me realise, you know,

I need these people around me.

Yeah, I used to banter
with Chris too much,

I was horrible to him,
but at the same time

if this hadn't have happened
I wouldn't have realised

how much he means to me anymore.

- If Chris decides that he
doesn't want to move forward

with it all what are you gonna
do?

Just cut all ties?

- I'm going to hold auditions
for a new Little Chris.

- [laughs] Shut up.

[upbeat music]

- I'm totally nerv.

- [Gemma] Right.

- I've got like a sick baby.

- But that's good.

- [Bobby] Is it?

- Everyone in sales feels sick.

That in your stomach pushes
you to make the sale, yeah.

- [Owner] Hiya, hello.

- Hiya, you all right?

My name's Bobby Norris.
- Nice to meet you.

Hi Bobby.

- I'm your new tanning

representative.
- Okay.

- Absolutely loving the detail

in your blouse.
- Thank you.

- You look amazing.

- Thanks.

- I think I can absolutely
enhance your life

and change your day for you.

This is the brand-new
product out on the market.

- Right.

- Tangerine stroke Satsuma's
very 2010.

We've moved into a golden era
where glow is more important.

- [Owner] Okay.

- And us as Essextonians
we all love a tan.

- Is this just for retail or is
it

for professional use as well?

- [Bobby] it's for both.

- What is the cost price?

- For cost we are looking at
8.99.

- What deal can you do me?

- How about I sort you out
your first order of a box

of 100 bottles.

- Okay.

- So that comes to 89.99 for the
100.

I will sum that up for you for
75 quid and that's a bargain.

- No hang on.

Are you getting the figures
right there?

- [Owner] Yeah.

- Yeah it should be, should be
89.

If we can sell 100, we'll do
75 or is my maths terrible.

Oh, shit sorry.

Carol Vorderman I ain't.

I apologise for that.

How many would you be taking
today?

- Well I've only got probably
room

for about 50 at the moment.

- I'm sure we can do 50 for you.

- Thanks.
- I promise you

that door is gonna be flinging
and flying like saloon doors

in an old cowboy western.

- Sounds good.

Thank you very much.
- Thank you.

- Thanks for coming in.
- Thank you.

- 50 not a bad start is it?

This suits all my needs.

- it's your eyes are shinning.

it's brought back Bobby.

Well, bloody, done.

[upbeat music]

- You're saying things
like I'm gonna put needles

in condoms and have children
without you knowing.

- Yes, this is exactly.

- Who are you, what was that all
about?

- it's light-hearted
humour about a situation.

- Well be careful when you say
things.

- No, I'm not being careful
you should understand that.

If I was going "Oh no I don't
want to do that in case."

- Yeah but hang on a minute
half the conversation is serious

and half you're saying is
joking.

There is a seriousness
in it let's be honest.

More to the point your idea
of marriage is a completely

different idea to mine and
I'm just I dunno where all

that come from.

And if that's how you think
marriage is

you should never get married.

- End of the day I don't think
you get into a relationship

and think that you're
not going to be in it.

So it doesn't necessarily
mean we just have

to start planning it now.

Of course we think
we're gonna get married,

course we think we're gonna have
kids.

Don't mean we have to
talk about it and be like,

"Oh God five years I wanna do it
by then."

- I think this is the sort of
situation

that we didn't need to
talk about it but we have

and it has brought to light
that I am five years older

and that we are gonna want
things at different times

and it's one of them situations
where we either move on from

that and split or we live with
it.

It's got strange in the bath.

- No, it you--
- And it just went off

on a scale that it shouldn't
have done

and that just is weird.
- We obviously misunderstood

each other, you have
misunderstood what I was saying,

I've misunderstood what you were
saying.

So let's just leave it
as a misunderstanding.

So, what I'm not bothered.

I'm gonna be with ya, I'm
gonna have kids with ya,

I'm gonna marry ya.

- Might do.

- Could be 42 who gives a fuck.

Yeah?

[upbeat music]

- I'm not very good on these.

- These have got stoppers
at the front, so.

- Yeah, I like them 'cause
the you can stand like this.

- Skater leg.

- The girls look good tonight,
don't they?

- Good, that's an understatement
mate.

- Lauren's hot pants, I know.

- She looks stunning.

- [Sam] Any excuse to get all
dressed up.

- Yeah true, I love '80s
dress though, how good is it?

- I know '80s is good.

- This wig is so itchy.

- [Sam] Is it?

- Yeah.

- Did he apologise?

- Yeah, he he was like,
- That's good.

- "I'm sorry you took it the
wrong way."

He said, "'cause you
know for everything that

"I absolutely wanna be with you
forever."

- Yeah.
- After I felt

really strange and I thought to
myself,

"We shouldn't have been
talking about that,"

it just didn't feel right.

- Me and Joey in our
relationship we talk about it

all the time.

Like to be honest I'm a bit OTT.

I think I talk about it too
much.

Like I'm not saying I
want children tomorrow

but sometimes I'm like,
"Oh my friends babies,"

and all that and he's a
bit like, "Sam calm down,"

and I know that I'm being a bit
pushy.

I think that I sometimes scare
him.

[laughing]

- Drag the thing back.

- Oh, look at him.

- Oh, he's taking the piss now.

- Ah, look at him go.

[boys shrieking]

Is there someone who actually
knows how to use 'em?

- I know.

- Bill, oi come up stairs
quickly.

I've just quickly sneaked up
stairs.

Yeah, I'm just standing, yeah
I'm standing at the top, yeah.

Yeah come up.

All right sweet, bye, bye, bye,
bye.

[chattering]

- Nan are you serious?

- Here ya are here he comes,
here ya are, here ya are.

[laughing]

- She's been watching him the
whole time.

- I know I've been going.

[laughing]

Where's he gone?

- There he is look.
- Oh, here he comes.

- [Nanna] What about his shorts?

Ah, he spins as well.

- You alright there?

- Oh, I've had enough now.

How come you aint got your
skates on?

- I've had 'em on, I've been
skating.

I done it at the start.

- I saw you earlier.

- Yeah?
- Doing your twirls.

- So, you live in Dagenham

do ya?
- Yeah.

- Well why don't you come pop
round

and I'll make a cup of tea?

Do you like cream cakes?

- You want me to come round for
lunch?

- Yeah defiantly, why not?

I'll tell you where I live.

[all laughing]

- [Jess] You all geared
up for the football match?

- Yeah, can't wait.
- You're quite good

Aren't you Ricky said?

- Yeah, I'm all right.

Yeah, I used to play semi-pro.

- Oh, did ya?

- Yeah for a few years.

- Is there anything you're bad
at?

- I'm bad at roller skating.

- Oh, your bad at
roller-skating, oh?

- Can you sing?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm alright.

- He's really good.

- [Carol] Maybe you two
should do a duet then?

- [Nanna] Yeah, there you are.

- Maybe, maybe one day.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- We'll have to talk more about
it.

If you wanna take my number
or I'll take yours or whatever

and then we'll talk more about
it.

- Yeah.
- Sounds good.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Ah mate I'm so excited.

- it's in the anticipation

is killing.
- I'm nervous.

- Don't be nervous.

- I'm shit in the goal though.

- No you're not.
- No, you wasn't.

You took them balls very,
very well to your face yeah.

- Oi oi!

- Here's--

- All right boys, what's going
on?

Fancy seeing you two eh?

At a roller disco.

- Come here often guys?

[all laughing]

- We bumped into Tom
and Diags earlier today.

- Really?
- Had a few things

to say about the match.

- Handbags mate, it's handbags.

Trying to get in your head.

- They're so sure they're gonna
win.

- They are yeah.
- They're looking at us

and laughing thinking they're
gonna--

- I know.
- Just cream us.

- Yeah but they aint.
- They've got no

respect at all.

After the training session
I feel a bit more confident.

I know that our team's got some
potential.

- I'm not worried about
anyone to be honest mate.

- We might as well do it
blindfolded.

- I'm just one of those people,

I'm quick along the floor
but I leap like a salmon.

Right now, not in these,
these are quite heavy.

- Quick along the floor
but I leap like a salmon.

- Trust me mate.

- All I'm saying is you got
you in goal, you in defence,

Darrell and Dan midfield, me up
front.

I will bang in goals for fun.

We're not gonna go wrong.

I know we can win this match.

We got a super subs in Jack,
Danny.

Danny can be in charge of the
oranges.

- Be the water boy.

[all laughing]

- We need a sub really don't we?

- Well, we need a sub

and I spoke to Mario and I know
it's a bit awkward and that

but I did mention it to him, I
did say,

"Look we're playing football if
we needed

"a sub would you be interested?"

And he said, "Yeah I'd be
interested,"

but I think that'd maybe do
you and him good being part

of a team again.

- Bit of team bonding.

- You're not going out having a
drink.

But you have gotta pass to him
and that is a step forward,

do you know what I mean?

- Don't come over to our
area sonning you off,

challenging us to a game of
football like they're [groans].

- He shouldn't have called me
son.

- He should not have sonned you
off.

I'd rather been sworn
at than been sonned off.

- She has not got a clue.

I just can't believe it.

I've got the biggest grin on my
face.

- I'm a bit nerv, I've been a
bit nervous.

Did you send the letter to your
dad?

- Yeah, I've sent it,

it's all--
- Defiantly yeah?

- it's all gone yeah.

Don't worry about that.
- It's gone yeah?

- Show me the ring.

- You need to make sure that he
rings me.

- I know yeah, show me the ring.

[gasps]

- Like it?

- Oh my God.

- I've been trying it on all
day.

It is actually really nice.

- it's so lovely, keep
it down, keep it down.

Can I hold it?

- If you want.

[gasping]

[laughing]

- Oh Joey it is perfect.

- I picked the stone and I
got the, that's white gold.

I got all that made for her.

It is well sparkly innit.

- Look, how many Slush
Puppies have you had tonight?

That's your fourth Slush Puppy
mate.

- it's my first one, I just got
it.

- [Tom] No, it's not.

[laughing]

- Oh, here we go.

- Here we go.
- Here we go.

- it's nice to see you all so
happy.

- [Arg] Yeah?

- You better get practising .

- We've had our training session
already.

- We've had the training
session.

It's, you know, top secret, top
secret

but we're feeling confident,
how about yous three?

- We're confident mate.

- Yeah man I think we're--

- Your boys are too confident
mate

and it's gonna come apart.
- Nah, listen

we've got some skills.

- Seriously?
- What have yous

all been training?

- Ah, yeah, every day.

- What you two have
taken time out of the gym

not putting, without your tops?

[all laughing]

He's out of his comfort zone
he ain't got a dumbbell.

He hasn't got a dumbbell.

Listen yous all can do
all the talking you want

but when it comes to that
match, when it kicks off

yous are gonna be absolutely
finished.

- Yeah but the end of the day--

- He talks a good game this
geezer.

- We aint been doing the
talking.

- [Arg] No?

- Hang on, last time we spoke
to you, you said you weren't

very good at football mate.

Now you're pretty confident.

- Listen I aint very good at
football

but I'm still gonna be better
than you.

[all shouting over each other]

- Guy, guys, guys, do you
know what I love the fact

that he's up for it.

I love the fact your up for it.

I love the fact that
no one's backing down.

- Right so listen, I want to
make it a little bit tastier.

Losers we wanna do, you
have to streak naked.

- I really don't have a type.

- [James] No?

- I like someone who doesn't
really take themselves

too seriously but looks wise
I really don't have a type.

- Would you go on a date with
me if I sing you a love song.

- Why do you sing?

- No.

- Oh, go one sing me a love
song.

- [James] No, I'm joking
it aint gonna happen.

- Go on, go on.

- [James] Nah, that's not
happening.

- Oh, go on.

- Hi, you all right?

- How you going, you alright?

- Hi.
- Is it all right

if I just have a word with him
quickly?

- Yeah go for it.

- So, what you playing at?

- I can't speak to another girl

like if you spoke to another
guy?

- No, it's like, it's not like
- Like you spoke to loads

of guys.
- Like you was trying

to flirt with her in front of
me.

- Flirting with her in front of
you?

- Yeah, I was a bit like.

- I think you're like obviously
reading things wrong but.

- Not really.

- What I can't talk to any other
girls?

- I'm not saying that at all.

- After one date

that's ridiculous.
- I'm not saying that at all.

- I don't think how you're
portraying it is not like

how it was meant to come across
at all.

- Yeah obviously, no, like
I'm not bothered at all.

- I've just talked to a girl,
yeah.

- I know that we went on a
date and I know it's nothing.

I just don't want like--

- You think I'm trying to mug
you off.

I'm not, I wouldn't do that.

- Yeah don't like.

- I wouldn't try and mug you
off.

- it's pathetic, it's
embarrassing really.

Trying to play the innocent one.

- Trying to play the innocent
when I'm just saying to you

let's be friends.

We're gonna see a lot of each
other.

- Speak to you later babe.

- Right see you later.

- He said about singing
together as well and I was like,

"I dunno, it might be a bit
weird."

But, I think it'd be good.

- Yeah.

- We'll see what happens.

- You can sing with him just
don't touch him, don't dance

near him and do not look
in his eyes when you sing.

- Aww I won't, I won't.

I would never want to make--
- I'm winding you up.

- You feel threatened in a
million years.

- Who are ya, who are ya, who
are ya?

- Oh no, you all right?

- What's going on?

- Too fast.

[laughing]

- Suck me off he just sucked me
off.

- Listen, Beckham, the
new Beckham apparently.

- I'm the new Beckham.

All I keep hearing is
Danny this, Danny that.

What is he a semi-professional
footballer?

- Yeah.

- And a singer?
- A semi pro-footballer.

- Oh yeah, he sings as well.

They're doing a duet and
she chose him over you.

- As much as I love a wedding
singer Arg like I want to be

a bit more.

- I'm a musical theatre
performer not a wedding singer.

I'm a wedding singer for a hobby

and part time but I'm--
- We wanted something

that was more in tone, you know,

in tune with the actual
music you know what I mean?

- I am.

- Why didn't you ask me?
- it's got to him now,

it's finally got to him.

- Yeah but why out of
interest why didn't you ask me

to sing with you?

- Because Daniel's a singer.

- [Arg] Oh, and I'm not?

[sighing]

- What's the matter are you
upset?

- What's the matter?
- What?

- Don't take it to heart.

- [Arg] I'm fine.

- If it makes you feel any
better I have asked Jess

if you can sing at our wedding.

- Is that true though?
- No.

[laughing]

- All right well listen,
I'm gonna go anyway.

- Oh, Arg.

- What is this?

What's all the luggage in the
car for?

- Do you wanna go home?

- Pardon?

- Do you wanna go home?

- Yeah.

- Or do you wanna go Dubai?

- When we going Dubai?

- Now.

- Shush.

- Yeah.
- No we're not?

- We are.

- What?

- Do you wanna go Dubai?

- Yeah, what, now?

- Yeah, we're going right now.

- When did you plan this?

- Ages ago.

- Oh my God!

- Do you wanna go or not?

- Of course I do.

- Come on then.

- What like this?

- Yeah, I got your stuff in
there,

I packed your stuff for ya.

Mouse's first.

Can we go to Heathrow please?

- [Sam] What have you packed?

- [Joey] Well I've packed
like a few bikinis;

I didn't pack any knickers for
ya.

- [Announcer] Next time on
"The Only Way is Essex."

[dramatic music]

- Dad, I'm in Dubai and
I'm with Sam, with Sam.

[sniffing]

I'm just, I'm scared Dad.

[upbeat music]