Original subtitles

but the people are all real, although some of what they

do has been created for your entertainment.

[shouting]

Previously on "The Only Way is Essex."

- You're too cocky for me, you are.

- I'm too cocky?

- You got nice eyes though.

- This is an opportunity of a life time working with me

and it won't come round again.

- If me and you are to be friends is Lucy expecting

an apology off me? - No, no.

- 'Cause she will never get an apology off me,

you know that.

- You saying you want a kid by 32 I'm expecting there

to be needles in the condoms.

- What?

- We can argue.

- If we didn't argue it'd be so boring.

- He tells me I think a lot more than what you're aware of.

- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

- Like we need to get my mum some really nice flowers.

- [Jasmin] Yeah I'm gonna get my mum flowers as well.

- Like for Easter it's really special because you know like

my family are like really religious.

- Then he went and got resurrected in the, on the cross.

His mum sat there with him until he died.

- What does resurrecting mean?

- At the end of Easter that you get like,

that's why they do Easter eggs and stuff 'cause everyone's

given up chocolate.

- I reckon it's just an excuse for the girls

to dress up like bunnies.

- I think it is.

- Basically, yous two are like a married couple

without having the sex.

- Yeah.

- Aren't you?

[laughing]

- I think we are. - You are.

- Well apparently you was Arg's favourite sex.

He told me that.

He said to me, "Gemma was the best I ever had."

- [Gemma] You're joking?

- He did, and to be fair I witnessed him say

that as well before.

He always brags about it.

- That boy, so come on then what's happening this week?

- Well roller skating disco's happening.

We've all gotta go to that.

I think it's gonna be '80s themed so like leg warmers.

- Oh okay.

- Shell suits, mullets, is it mullets?

- Mullets. - I hate mullets.

[door banging]

- [Gemma] Who's that?

- [Billie] Dunno.

- [Sam] Are you expecting a guest?

- [Gemma] It might be the Easter bunny.

- [Billie] Hello.

- [Jess] All right, how are you?

- Jess your ah, you come at the right time

we're making Easter eggs.

- Wow. - Look we made these.

- [Gemma] I love your dress Jess.

- [Jess] Thank you.

- Very nice.

- These are amazing!

Did yous make these?

- [All] Yes.

- How are you? - Nice and pink Gem.

- Yeah, it's for mum.

- Oh, I'm good, just really annoying, like I had this big

conversation with Rick and it came to light

that I would be 34 or 35 having my first child

so I was like, "Hang on a minute I kind of wanted my first

"baby at about 32."

And he was like, "Absolutely no way."

- If Joey said any of those thing to me that'd really

make me, put me in a position to think, "Well why don't you

"want the same things as me I thought we was on

"the same level?"

- I think if you were together with him in three years time

I guarantee you either an engagement, a wedding or a baby.

Because after three, three or four years you do sort

of move onto the next stage in your relationship

and you do wanna do things like that.

- [Sam] Yeah, it's like the next thing isn't it?

- Especially when you're so sure about each other

get the emerald ring.

- [Jess] I don't think we're ready for even moving in

with each other.

- Why don't you think you're ready to move in with him?

- Just don't, I'm not, like I don't think

I want to live with him yet

and I don't think he's ready to live with me yet.

- As an outsider you've been together for a year,

if you've got doubts about moving in with him

that don't sound right.

- Well maybe we're not as compatible as I thought

if that's the case.

[upbeat music]

- What do you think about James' voice?

it's like husky--

- It's a bit husky. - it's quite nice.

- It's quite like, I dunno.

- [Jasmin] Come here darling.

- Like a bit sexy, do ya know what I mean?

- Do you like proper fancy him?

- [Abi] Yeah.

- Do you?

You're dying to give him a snog Aren't ya?

- Can you stop making me out--

- [Jasmin] You were like, we were all being

really flirtatious,

it's no lie. - No, it was like

natural chemistry.

- Did you tell him you was a cheerleader?

- Yeah, he was like, "Oh, a cheerleader yeah?"

Boys love cheerleaders though.

They find out you're

a cheerleader. - Do they?

- And they're actually like,

- And it's proper American. - "Oh."

I can do the splits like three ways.

- Flexible.

- Oh my God so like basic moves are like high V

and then like low V and then like you spin them around

like that, clap and then you've got to turn around.

- Buying flowers and cheerleading.

- Seriously, but like Jas, you've to get

into proper character.

Like I used to do it like for like six years nationally

around the country cheerleading.

- They're always really happy, like [simpering].

- Yeah, they put Vaseline on their teeth.

- Shut up.

- Yeah, like that. - What does Vaseline

do to your teeth?

- It like sticks your teeth to your lips.

- No way we need to try this.

- Yeah so, they try and have a massive big smile

and then you get more points.

- They must go like this all the time.

- Yeah, like you just like proper smile.

You're like, like that.

[upbeat music]

- Last night they just jumped onto us just because we're new

in town and I think if you go on another date with Abi,

I think you're gonna be on your own mate to be honest.

- What?

I thought we were a team.

- Yeah, we are a team but I'm just not.

- I'm not going if you're not going.

- No, I don't see the point in me going out with her again

when I know I'm not going to feel that attraction.

You know what I mean?

- You could break the news?

- I am going to break the news.

- Yeah. - Why do I get that job?

- You're the one Who's like adamant we're not going

on a date with 'em.

- Oh, so you're not, you're not bothered.

- Well I'd give it another chance but.

- Yeah, I wouldn't.

We'll just have to tell 'em.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, it's going to be bad on Abi though

she's been turned down twice.

- Shit happens.

- I need to get you some new boxing gloves mate.

- So then boys, you all right?

- All right. - All right,

how's it going guys?

- How's it going? - Going good.

- How you doing mate?

- What's happening?

- What you buying?

- I'm just getting a new boot mate.

- A new coat.

- They're all right those boots I suppose.

- No football boots.

- We'd sorted out a like a five-a-side team

with a few of the boys.

- [Tom] Yeah?

- Like Ricky, Charlie, Chris.

- Oh, all our favourite people.

- Actually we're just looking for a bit of competition.

- The boys would probably be up for it wouldn't they?

- If you can get a team.

- Well, what are we gonna be playing for?

- Pride.

- Pride yeah?

- We are quite competitive though Aren't we?

- So are we.

- All right we're off now boys, we'll see yous

at the game, yeah?

- Sweet man.

- See you later on mate.

- See you later mate. - See you on the pitch yeah?

- See you at the game, yeah.

- Cool son, see ya.

[laughing]

- Fuck sake!

Son, I'm not his son.

What do you reckon about this football match?

- Why are you taking it so seriously

it's a fucking five a-side football match.

- This is what's annoying about you,

you don't care about nothing.

For once just try and do something yeah.

- In my life yeah on a scale of things of caring

and giving a shit about something and not yeah,

it goes my life, my career, my future.

There like most caring.

Not giving a shit yeah is this five-a-side football match

I couldn't give a fuck.

Remember the life, the future, what I'm gonna do for a job.

A five-a-side football match.

- I'm just saying, you know I'm quite a competitive person

and I would wanna win.

But I know we're not gonna because the v-necks

are gonna beat us.

- Did I just hear right?

- I think he made a bit of a comment.

- I said, "Cool son, see you later."

And he, I swear he said, like, "Who's he calling son?"

- He's a little bitch.

Why did he say it when you walked away?

Fuck him.

- I don't know why he's said because that's pissed me off.

- Trust me when it comes to football we will just--

- Mate I can't wait for this football match.

I'm gonna destroy him.

- Look at their team, seriously look at their team

it's going to be like playing against of fucking girls.

[upbeat music]

- Luc I'm so glad you are back happy Easter to you.

- Ah I'm glad to be back cheers.

- [Jess] I've missed you so much.

- I've missed you as well, I've missed everyone.

How is everything with you?

How is everyone?

- Well I just went to see Gemma and Billie and Sam

and Gemma kept saying like, "Why don't you live together?"

And I was like, "Well, we've not even been together a year."

- But if it don't feel right don't listen to them

just don't, just do what feels right.

Not even a year that's about the time me and Mario moved in

together, it wasn't right, we shouldn't have done it

and we regret it.

- How've you been anyway?

What's been going on?

- Well me and Mario are really good now, I'm really good.

I just bought a second shop yesterday.

- [Jess] No way!

- Yeah, so I'm gonna

be even busier. - Oh my God, that's brilliant.

- [Jess] That's really good,

congratulations. - it's all good.

I'm really, really happy at the moment, so.

- Aww, that's good Luc.

- We are, it's horrendous what people have put us through

but we're so happy now.

In a way, I know it sounds really warped

but in a way there's good come out of it 'cause I've

realised so much I'm still moving out

and Mario's a little bit worried because he doesn't think

he's gonna see me as much.

Which he isn't but I said,

"You know what it's just the way it is sometimes."

- And as well it'll be when you do see each other

it'll be good times rather than like running in and out

having a row about what, Who's left the towel

on the floor, whatever.

- Yeah.

- What's happening then with Mario and Chris?

'Cause they seem like their making up and breaking up?

- Well to be honest I don't want them to be friends

and I know that--

- You don't? - Sounds really harsh

but mine and Mario's life got absolutely destroyed,

got pulled apart, our families were so upset, so worried

and he just sat there and did nothing.

What's what's happened with him?

He's just in between his brother and his best friend.

I'm sorry he hasn't actually been hurt has he?

But I'm never speaking to him again in my life, ever.

- [Jess] Really?

- Never.

- [Jess] Oh my God.

- I think it's disgusting.

- Inside I'm still very angry with everything that's gone on

and I appreciate the fact like Mario's made the effort

to wanna see me like but--

- I think he just misses you and wants to slowly build

something not necessarily just jump in and be best pals

but he wants to start somewhere.

And that is effectively what you gotta do.

You either start somewhere or you just don't.

- I never felt like I shoulda been the man in the middle

because like a best mate wouldn't have done that to someone.

Do you know what I mean?

And I was meant to be his best mate.

Why did he drag me in?

- But don't forget the London Fire.

- Yeah exactly.

- That was completely and utterly burned

and look at London now.

it's been burned down heavily but now look at it.

- [Billie] How are you?

- [Joey] Yeah good.

- How's everything with the shop?

- Yeah good, it's well busy.

- Is it? - Yeah.

- The opening was brilliant wasn't it?

- Yeah I know it was wicked wasn't it.

[laughing]

- You got a nervous grin.

- [Joey] Yeah, I'm well nervous.

[laughing]

- What's wrong?

- Basically, I don't know what to say.

I can't, I don't, I'm being stupid.

Obviously like me and Sam like we're well happy right now

at the moment and stuff.

- Yeah.

- And, [sighs] I'm shaking look.

Well nervous. - Aww!

- But honestly I haven't been sleeping properly.

[sighs]

Basically, I've already, I went to see your mum earlier.

- Yeah?

- Basically, I said the same thing to your mum.

I don't know how to, I don't know how to put it

like professional manner.

Basically, I wanna propose to Sam.

[Billie gasps]

Yeah.

- Do you?

Oh my God!

- Yeah but I've had it planned for ages but--

- Have you?

- I want, yeah but I wanted to do it the right way yeah.

- Aww! - You happy?

- Yeah course I am, oh my God I wasn't expecting

that at all.

I am genuinely shocked; I can't believe it!

Oh my God Sam Essex.

- Samantha, I think it suits her.

- Yeah. - Samantha Essex.

- Samantha Essex.

So, you're gonna tell her that you're going,

you're taking her on a trip?

- Sort of yeah.

That's what I mean I've got loads,

I've got loads of things to do.

I gotta get her passport; I know where that is.

She hides it in the drawer.

I've gotta go pack her bag as well.

- Oh my God this is so exciting.

Literally I'm going to have the biggest grin on my face.

- Well she aint gonna have a clue is she?

- My face is aching because I've

been smiling so much. - Yeah, same,

right there as well.

- Yeah, oh my God.

- Mine's well hurting there.

- So's mine.

[giggles] [laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Oh that is so artistic Gemma.

I love the way you've done the flowers.

Did you wash your hands before you done it?

- [Gemma] Yeah.

- Oh good.

- So, look I need to make sure if I'm giving you the

responsibility of running my tanning empire for me

that you are gonna be able to do it.

Now first rule of selling, look the customer

in the eyeballs.

I don't want you to leave any salon without

an order Bobby and that is an order.

Give 'em a complement, pay 'em a compliment, yeah?

- Lovin' your dress babes.

- Yeah or you've got the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen.

You then say to her, "How many bottles

"will you be taking today?"

But you smile when you say it, yeah?

So, say you've got someone really posh in front of you

you don't go around and say,

"All right darling do you want some fake tan?"

- Yeah.

- Excuse me madam would you like to try the most amazing

product on the market at the moment?

- Yeah, so mirror her tone of voice.

- Yeah. - Good.

- [Bobby] Yeah.

- If it's someone from Essex you can talk the jibe

that we do.

- Yeah, if it's someone from Marylebone

- Yeah. - it's a little bit more.

- Yeah, I need 500 orders a day.

Do you think you can do this Bobby?

- I think that's a lot in a triple dip recession

but we might not all be able to afford to go on holiday,

but we can all afford a bottle of tan.

- Right boys, I've called on a training session today.

We need to take this seriously we can't lose against

this other team.

We've gotta big help thanks to Mark Wright Sr.

Not only in his youth did he play for Milwall and Charlton

he's also a professional, official FA coach.

These two new boys around town, James and Daniel,

whatever their names are they're giving it the big

and saying they're semi-professional footballers.

They can take their tops off down the gym as much as they

want, they can rub all over their body, they can bench press

as much weight as they want but their mugs are not gonna

be bench pressing the trophy after we've won.

We are the boys of this town

and we are taking control all right?

Let's crack on, lets do this, Who's on it?

[boys shouting]

- Yeah, come on. - Come on.

[boys shouting]

[upbeat music]

- And spin, touch my hands, and back.

- Danny mate, I can't breathe I'm outta breath.

- [Mark Sr.] That's it, good boy.

[Arg screaming]

- Danny and Jimmy you mugs, go on bench press that.

Ah good save Diags.

- What was that?

David Beckham my arse.

[boys laughing]

- Right, who don't score, 10 press-ups.

- [Arg] Good save Diags.

- Down for 10. - 10 press ups.

- [Mark Sr.] Go on Dan

- Good save son. - Time to go back

another yard, another metre.

[Arg screaming]

- Bench press that Jimmy and Danny.

- Don't fucking getting your tops off in the gym.

[boys shouting over each other]

- I love your daughter more than anything in the world

and I wanted to ask you for permission

to marry your beautiful daughter Sam.

I've already asked Sue and told Billie

and they're over the moon.

I hope you feel the same way?

I'll always look after her and be the best son-in-law

I can be, please call me.

I hope you're happy with this also.

I will be waiting for you to come home until the wedding,

love Joey.

- That's perfect.

- Is it?

- Yeah that's brilliant and it's all in your owns words

and I think that's really nice.

- Now basically the plan is to go, I'm gonna,

yeah to tell her tonight.

- Aw my God, I just can't believe it.

- I've got the ring made and everything.

- Have you?

- [Joey] Yeah.

- What, what's it like?

- Yeah, it's nice.

But it's getting made I gotta pick it up today.

- Oh my God. - Yeah.

- I know Samantha is gonna be shocked

but in like the most happiest way in the world.

- You reckon?

- One million percent, 100 million percent.

Literally it's gonna be amazing.

Oh my God, Frankie and Chloe are gonna be

just as shocked as I am.

- I know. - Aren't they?

Like they, do they not have a clue?

- Nah, not at all.

- Oh my God it's so exciting.

- it's me, Chris, Charlie, two new boys Dan and James

we're all on the five-a-side team.

You haven't met 'em yet have ya?

- No, I haven't mate.

I've heard literally everyone I've spoke to about them

though says they're actually nice boys.

- Yeah, they are actually sweet, they're just sorta like us.

Do you know what I mean?

They're laddie, they like football, they like drinking.

I think you'll get on with 'em when you see 'em.

- I'll look forward to it.

I'm looking forward to having my brother back.

- My man.

You seem different since you come back.

- I'm more relaxed now--

- Yeah, you seem more relaxed - I've put a lot of things

into perspective. - More friendly.

- Even with my cars.

I've got two Mercs.

I have no need to have two Mercs.

I have a black one and a white one.

- I will have one of those for you.

- This stuff doesn't matter to me anymore.

It's helped me realise that.

It's helped me realise more about things

with friends and stuff, how much more actual true friends

mean to me.

And like with regards to you, with regards to all

the other boys and especially Chris

that's what it's made me realise, you know,

I need these people around me.

Yeah, I used to banter with Chris too much,

I was horrible to him, but at the same time

if this hadn't have happened I wouldn't have realised

how much he means to me anymore.

- If Chris decides that he doesn't want to move forward

with it all what are you gonna do?

Just cut all ties?

- I'm going to hold auditions for a new Little Chris.

- [laughs] Shut up.

[upbeat music]

- I'm totally nerv.

- [Gemma] Right.

- I've got like a sick baby.

- But that's good.

- [Bobby] Is it?

- Everyone in sales feels sick.

That in your stomach pushes you to make the sale, yeah.

- [Owner] Hiya, hello.

- Hiya, you all right?

My name's Bobby Norris. - Nice to meet you.

Hi Bobby.

- I'm your new tanning

representative. - Okay.

- Absolutely loving the detail

in your blouse. - Thank you.

- You look amazing.

- Thanks.

- I think I can absolutely enhance your life

and change your day for you.

This is the brand-new product out on the market.

- Right.

- Tangerine stroke Satsuma's very 2010.

We've moved into a golden era where glow is more important.

- [Owner] Okay.

- And us as Essextonians we all love a tan.

- Is this just for retail or is it

for professional use as well?

- [Bobby] it's for both.

- What is the cost price?

- For cost we are looking at 8.99.

- What deal can you do me?

- How about I sort you out your first order of a box

of 100 bottles.

- Okay.

- So that comes to 89.99 for the 100.

I will sum that up for you for 75 quid and that's a bargain.

- No hang on.

Are you getting the figures right there?

- [Owner] Yeah.

- Yeah it should be, should be 89.

If we can sell 100, we'll do 75 or is my maths terrible.

Oh, shit sorry.

Carol Vorderman I ain't.

I apologise for that.

How many would you be taking today?

- Well I've only got probably room

for about 50 at the moment.

- I'm sure we can do 50 for you.

- Thanks. - I promise you

that door is gonna be flinging and flying like saloon doors

in an old cowboy western.

- Sounds good.

Thank you very much. - Thank you.

- Thanks for coming in. - Thank you.

- 50 not a bad start is it?

This suits all my needs.

- it's your eyes are shinning.

it's brought back Bobby.

Well, bloody, done.

[upbeat music]

- You're saying things like I'm gonna put needles

in condoms and have children without you knowing.

- Yes, this is exactly.

- Who are you, what was that all about?

- it's light-hearted humour about a situation.

- Well be careful when you say things.

- No, I'm not being careful you should understand that.

If I was going "Oh no I don't want to do that in case."

- Yeah but hang on a minute half the conversation is serious

and half you're saying is joking.

There is a seriousness in it let's be honest.

More to the point your idea of marriage is a completely

different idea to mine and I'm just I dunno where all

that come from.

And if that's how you think marriage is

you should never get married.

- End of the day I don't think you get into a relationship

and think that you're not going to be in it.

So it doesn't necessarily mean we just have

to start planning it now.

Of course we think we're gonna get married,

course we think we're gonna have kids.

Don't mean we have to talk about it and be like,

"Oh God five years I wanna do it by then."

- I think this is the sort of situation

that we didn't need to talk about it but we have

and it has brought to light that I am five years older

and that we are gonna want things at different times

and it's one of them situations where we either move on from

that and split or we live with it.

It's got strange in the bath.

- No, it you-- - And it just went off

on a scale that it shouldn't have done

and that just is weird. - We obviously misunderstood

each other, you have misunderstood what I was saying,

I've misunderstood what you were saying.

So let's just leave it as a misunderstanding.

So, what I'm not bothered.

I'm gonna be with ya, I'm gonna have kids with ya,

I'm gonna marry ya.

- Might do.

- Could be 42 who gives a fuck.

Yeah?

[upbeat music]

- I'm not very good on these.

- These have got stoppers at the front, so.

- Yeah, I like them 'cause the you can stand like this.

- Skater leg.

- The girls look good tonight, don't they?

- Good, that's an understatement mate.

- Lauren's hot pants, I know.

- She looks stunning.

- [Sam] Any excuse to get all dressed up.

- Yeah true, I love '80s dress though, how good is it?

- I know '80s is good.

- This wig is so itchy.

- [Sam] Is it?

- Yeah.

- Did he apologise?

- Yeah, he he was like, - That's good.

- "I'm sorry you took it the wrong way."

He said, "'cause you know for everything that

"I absolutely wanna be with you forever."

- Yeah. - After I felt

really strange and I thought to myself,

"We shouldn't have been talking about that,"

it just didn't feel right.

- Me and Joey in our relationship we talk about it

all the time.

Like to be honest I'm a bit OTT.

I think I talk about it too much.

Like I'm not saying I want children tomorrow

but sometimes I'm like, "Oh my friends babies,"

and all that and he's a bit like, "Sam calm down,"

and I know that I'm being a bit pushy.

I think that I sometimes scare him.

[laughing]

- Drag the thing back.

- Oh, look at him.

- Oh, he's taking the piss now.

- Ah, look at him go.

[boys shrieking]

Is there someone who actually knows how to use 'em?

- I know.

- Bill, oi come up stairs quickly.

I've just quickly sneaked up stairs.

Yeah, I'm just standing, yeah I'm standing at the top, yeah.

Yeah come up.

All right sweet, bye, bye, bye, bye.

[chattering]

- Nan are you serious?

- Here ya are here he comes, here ya are, here ya are.

[laughing]

- She's been watching him the whole time.

- I know I've been going.

[laughing]

Where's he gone?

- There he is look. - Oh, here he comes.

- [Nanna] What about his shorts?

Ah, he spins as well.

- You alright there?

- Oh, I've had enough now.

How come you aint got your skates on?

- I've had 'em on, I've been skating.

I done it at the start.

- I saw you earlier.

- Yeah? - Doing your twirls.

- So, you live in Dagenham

do ya? - Yeah.

- Well why don't you come pop round

and I'll make a cup of tea?

Do you like cream cakes?

- You want me to come round for lunch?

- Yeah defiantly, why not?

I'll tell you where I live.

[all laughing]

- [Jess] You all geared up for the football match?

- Yeah, can't wait. - You're quite good

Aren't you Ricky said?

- Yeah, I'm all right.

Yeah, I used to play semi-pro.

- Oh, did ya?

- Yeah for a few years.

- Is there anything you're bad at?

- I'm bad at roller skating.

- Oh, your bad at roller-skating, oh?

- Can you sing?

- Yeah. - Yeah, I'm alright.

- He's really good.

- [Carol] Maybe you two should do a duet then?

- [Nanna] Yeah, there you are.

- Maybe, maybe one day.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- We'll have to talk more about it.

If you wanna take my number or I'll take yours or whatever

and then we'll talk more about it.

- Yeah. - Sounds good.

- Okay. - Yeah.

- Ah mate I'm so excited.

- it's in the anticipation

is killing. - I'm nervous.

- Don't be nervous.

- I'm shit in the goal though.

- No you're not. - No, you wasn't.

You took them balls very, very well to your face yeah.

- Oi oi!

- Here's--

- All right boys, what's going on?

Fancy seeing you two eh?

At a roller disco.

- Come here often guys?

[all laughing]

- We bumped into Tom and Diags earlier today.

- Really? - Had a few things

to say about the match.

- Handbags mate, it's handbags.

Trying to get in your head.

- They're so sure they're gonna win.

- They are yeah. - They're looking at us

and laughing thinking they're gonna--

- I know. - Just cream us.

- Yeah but they aint. - They've got no

respect at all.

After the training session I feel a bit more confident.

I know that our team's got some potential.

- I'm not worried about anyone to be honest mate.

- We might as well do it blindfolded.

- I'm just one of those people,

I'm quick along the floor but I leap like a salmon.

Right now, not in these, these are quite heavy.

- Quick along the floor but I leap like a salmon.

- Trust me mate.

- All I'm saying is you got you in goal, you in defence,

Darrell and Dan midfield, me up front.

I will bang in goals for fun.

We're not gonna go wrong.

I know we can win this match.

We got a super subs in Jack, Danny.

Danny can be in charge of the oranges.

- Be the water boy.

[all laughing]

- We need a sub really don't we?

- Well, we need a sub

and I spoke to Mario and I know it's a bit awkward and that

but I did mention it to him, I did say,

"Look we're playing football if we needed

"a sub would you be interested?"

And he said, "Yeah I'd be interested,"

but I think that'd maybe do you and him good being part

of a team again.

- Bit of team bonding.

- You're not going out having a drink.

But you have gotta pass to him and that is a step forward,

do you know what I mean?

- Don't come over to our area sonning you off,

challenging us to a game of football like they're [groans].

- He shouldn't have called me son.

- He should not have sonned you off.

I'd rather been sworn at than been sonned off.

- She has not got a clue.

I just can't believe it.

I've got the biggest grin on my face.

- I'm a bit nerv, I've been a bit nervous.

Did you send the letter to your dad?

- Yeah, I've sent it,

it's all-- - Defiantly yeah?

- it's all gone yeah.

Don't worry about that. - It's gone yeah?

- Show me the ring.

- You need to make sure that he rings me.

- I know yeah, show me the ring.

[gasps]

- Like it?

- Oh my God.

- I've been trying it on all day.

It is actually really nice.

- it's so lovely, keep it down, keep it down.

Can I hold it?

- If you want.

[gasping]

[laughing]

- Oh Joey it is perfect.

- I picked the stone and I got the, that's white gold.

I got all that made for her.

It is well sparkly innit.

- Look, how many Slush Puppies have you had tonight?

That's your fourth Slush Puppy mate.

- it's my first one, I just got it.

- [Tom] No, it's not.

[laughing]

- Oh, here we go.

- Here we go. - Here we go.

- it's nice to see you all so happy.

- [Arg] Yeah?

- You better get practising .

- We've had our training session already.

- We've had the training session.

It's, you know, top secret, top secret

but we're feeling confident, how about yous three?

- We're confident mate.

- Yeah man I think we're--

- Your boys are too confident mate

and it's gonna come apart. - Nah, listen

we've got some skills.

- Seriously? - What have yous

all been training?

- Ah, yeah, every day.

- What you two have taken time out of the gym

not putting, without your tops?

[all laughing]

He's out of his comfort zone he ain't got a dumbbell.

He hasn't got a dumbbell.

Listen yous all can do all the talking you want

but when it comes to that match, when it kicks off

yous are gonna be absolutely finished.

- Yeah but the end of the day--

- He talks a good game this geezer.

- We aint been doing the talking.

- [Arg] No?

- Hang on, last time we spoke to you, you said you weren't

very good at football mate.

Now you're pretty confident.

- Listen I aint very good at football

but I'm still gonna be better than you.

[all shouting over each other]

- Guy, guys, guys, do you know what I love the fact

that he's up for it.

I love the fact your up for it.

I love the fact that no one's backing down.

- Right so listen, I want to make it a little bit tastier.

Losers we wanna do, you have to streak naked.

- I really don't have a type.

- [James] No?

- I like someone who doesn't really take themselves

too seriously but looks wise I really don't have a type.

- Would you go on a date with me if I sing you a love song.

- Why do you sing?

- No.

- Oh, go one sing me a love song.

- [James] No, I'm joking it aint gonna happen.

- Go on, go on.

- [James] Nah, that's not happening.

- Oh, go on.

- Hi, you all right?

- How you going, you alright?

- Hi. - Is it all right

if I just have a word with him quickly?

- Yeah go for it.

- So, what you playing at?

- I can't speak to another girl

like if you spoke to another guy?

- No, it's like, it's not like - Like you spoke to loads

of guys. - Like you was trying

to flirt with her in front of me.

- Flirting with her in front of you?

- Yeah, I was a bit like.

- I think you're like obviously reading things wrong but.

- Not really.

- What I can't talk to any other girls?

- I'm not saying that at all.

- After one date

that's ridiculous. - I'm not saying that at all.

- I don't think how you're portraying it is not like

how it was meant to come across at all.

- Yeah obviously, no, like I'm not bothered at all.

- I've just talked to a girl, yeah.

- I know that we went on a date and I know it's nothing.

I just don't want like--

- You think I'm trying to mug you off.

I'm not, I wouldn't do that.

- Yeah don't like.

- I wouldn't try and mug you off.

- it's pathetic, it's embarrassing really.

Trying to play the innocent one.

- Trying to play the innocent when I'm just saying to you

let's be friends.

We're gonna see a lot of each other.

- Speak to you later babe.

- Right see you later.

- He said about singing together as well and I was like,

"I dunno, it might be a bit weird."

But, I think it'd be good.

- Yeah.

- We'll see what happens.

- You can sing with him just don't touch him, don't dance

near him and do not look in his eyes when you sing.

- Aww I won't, I won't.

I would never want to make-- - I'm winding you up.

- You feel threatened in a million years.

- Who are ya, who are ya, who are ya?

- Oh no, you all right?

- What's going on?

- Too fast.

[laughing]

- Suck me off he just sucked me off.

- Listen, Beckham, the new Beckham apparently.

- I'm the new Beckham.

All I keep hearing is Danny this, Danny that.

What is he a semi-professional footballer?

- Yeah.

- And a singer? - A semi pro-footballer.

- Oh yeah, he sings as well.

They're doing a duet and she chose him over you.

- As much as I love a wedding singer Arg like I want to be

a bit more.

- I'm a musical theatre performer not a wedding singer.

I'm a wedding singer for a hobby

and part time but I'm-- - We wanted something

that was more in tone, you know,

in tune with the actual music you know what I mean?

- I am.

- Why didn't you ask me? - it's got to him now,

it's finally got to him.

- Yeah but why out of interest why didn't you ask me

to sing with you?

- Because Daniel's a singer.

- [Arg] Oh, and I'm not?

[sighing]

- What's the matter are you upset?

- What's the matter? - What?

- Don't take it to heart.

- [Arg] I'm fine.

- If it makes you feel any better I have asked Jess

if you can sing at our wedding.

- Is that true though? - No.

[laughing]

- All right well listen, I'm gonna go anyway.

- Oh, Arg.

- What is this?

What's all the luggage in the car for?

- Do you wanna go home?

- Pardon?

- Do you wanna go home?

- Yeah.

- Or do you wanna go Dubai?

- When we going Dubai?

- Now.

- Shush.

- Yeah. - No we're not?

- We are.

- What?

- Do you wanna go Dubai?

- Yeah, what, now?

- Yeah, we're going right now.

- When did you plan this?

- Ages ago.

- Oh my God!

- Do you wanna go or not?

- Of course I do.

- Come on then.

- What like this?

- Yeah, I got your stuff in there,

I packed your stuff for ya.

Mouse's first.

Can we go to Heathrow please?

- [Sam] What have you packed?

- [Joey] Well I've packed like a few bikinis;

I didn't pack any knickers for ya.

- [Announcer] Next time on "The Only Way is Essex."

[dramatic music]

- Dad, I'm in Dubai and I'm with Sam, with Sam.

[sniffing]

I'm just, I'm scared Dad.

[upbeat music]