All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S08E10.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

- [Narrator] On this
series, the tans you see

might be fake but the people are
all real,

although some of what they do

has been created for your
entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way Is
Essex."

- Hashtag bye, Bertie!

[screams]

Oh, fuck!
- Fuck off!

- All right, will do!
[glasses breaking]

- Tell you what, there's no
way I'm going to use this bath!

- Crazy to find a house,
you know, in Brentwood.

- I've actually wanted
the earrings for ages.

- [Man] I thought he was gonna
propose.

- You're put in such an unfair
position.

You need to say something.
[crowd cheering]

- It's crazy out there.
- Indeed.

- Now I've come back,
'cause I've one person

I need to sort things out with.

[upbeat music]

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[hard rock dance music]

- Good looking, tick,
personality, tick--

- Muscles, tick--
- Tattoos--

- Tattoos, tick!
- If you had to choose

between James and Tom,
who would you choose?

- James.
- 'Bout looks wise, really.

- He's more my type.
- A few people has said--

- [Abi] Yeah, we've heard
through the grapevine.

- He's a bit of a player.
- A bit of a player.

- That's all right, we can deal
with that.

D'you know what,

we've actually completely
changed boys, like,

you normally have the cocky one,

I normally have the like,
shy, better one, nicer one.

- Better one?
You not coming on to my man?

- Yeah, I'll have your man.
- Is there going to be beef?

No, you don't kiss on the first
date.

- No, I don't.

- You gonna make an exception
tonight?

[soft rock guitar music]

[knocking]

- Hello.
- Hi, Sam,

can I come in?
- Yeah, come in.

- I just wanted to have
a little chat with ya

because, obviously, you know
and I know that Joey does--

- Yeah.
- Flare up after arguments.

- Yeah.
- And then he'll

turn up at my house, or
ring me up hysterical,

like you know what a state he
gets into.

- Yeah.
- You're welcome in my family,

if you go and get a house and
settle down,

like, we're gonna be
in each other's lives.

It's not like I wanna
interfere or I wanna be

protective over him, like, in
that way,

but at the same time,
it's really hard to--

- Yeah.
- See him upset and crying.

- There's always two sides to a
story--

- Yeah, I know.
- And I know I might have

taken it too far, but I can
imagine how he says it to you,

'cause I've heard him on
the phone to people before,

and I'm sitting next to
him, and I'm thinking,

why are you twisting and
making me sound like that?

- Like, he tells me, I
think, a lot more than what

you're aware of.

And shows me a lot of text
messages and things like that,

and it's not little rows or
anything like that at all,

it's the bigger rows,

and kinda like the aggression
that.

- Yeah.

- I'm not judging you,

because I've made loads of
mistakes.

- I'm not an aggressive person
at all,

but sometimes he pushes
me so far to the limit,

he pushes my buttons, and you
know,

sometimes he can be quite a
handful,

and I do like, go off on one,
and go mad, and whatever else,

but I haven't done it for a long
time,

but I think sometimes he
does push it to that point.

- That's why I've come to talk
to you

because in future, when things
happen,

if I feel the need to speak to
you,

I wanna be able to ring
you and say, like, Sam,

what's happened, is everything
all right, I don't want--

- But I would rather--
- I don't wanna sit there

and think, ah, like, this has
happened,

and like, I don't know
what to think about it.

- I would just rather us
be able to talk about it

rather than the awkwardness
when we see each other next.

- [Both] Yeah.

[upbeat music]

- It's good to have you back,
back in the gym, working out!

- I know, I've heard you've
replaced me.

- Nah, there's a couple of new
guys,

James and Dan, they're like us,
actually.

There's one set of boys, and
then there's a set of men

and then--
- Yeah.

- We sort of all get on, so it's
good.

- I look forward to meeting 'em.

- It's good, yeah, I
think you'll like 'em,

they'll like you, one of 'em
looks

a bit like you.

Do you know what, it's been
difficult.

I'll get a text from you
and a text from Chris

on the same day, what you doing,

and I'm like, ah, d'you know
what,

I'm just gonna stay in with
Jess.

- I do, I think over the years
I've bantered him and stuff,

but at the same time, where
I've been there for him

financially and all that
sort of stuff and whatever,

I think he's been there for
me more than I've realised.

There is one, this one
thing's made it a lot harder

by the fact that I haven't had
him.

It literally is like
losing a family member.

I want you to help me meet him,

'cause I'm not gonna go to him,

you know I'm not like that.
- I'm gonna speak to him.

I'm gonna say to him, look, I
saw Mario,

he wants to have a chat with ya.

- If he comes in all guns
blazing

and starts shouting and all that
shit--

- He won't, he won't, he won't,
he won't--

- Then I'll literally get
up and tell him to fuck off,

because I don't think I
need to apologise to him,

I think he needs to apologise to
me,

I think it's just whether we go
forward

and we save our friendship,
or whether, you know,

whether we just leave, and
that's it,

we just be civil and when we're
out

we just shake hands, that's it.

- [Dan] I wonder if
they're gonna be any good.

- I dunno, they look quite fit,

they all take care of
themselves,

this could be the new team, us
five.

- That's it, I can't imagine

coming out in this weather,
though, to play football.

[chuckles] Ricky's a laugh,
though, in he?

- Yeah, Ricky, yeah, Ricky, he's
a joker,

he's quite a funny guy, yeah,
and Chris.

Ya gotta take people as
they come in ya, you can't--

- You can't dislike
someone for someone else

disliking 'em.
- Nah, of course,

yeah, exactly right, just
take 'em as they come.

Can't wait for tonight, mate.

How rare is it to find a girl

with banter now, they've
got great banter as well.

- Nah, it's gonna be good, mate,
be nice to get to know 'em.

- They're actually really
down-to-earth girls.

Abi, beautiful looking girl,

she's got a great body as well,
ain't she.

- Yeah, keep your eyes
on her face this time!

- I know, but she's got a great
set of--

- Besides, you pick your chin
up!

You chin was on the floor!
- Gawping, was it?

- Yeah, you didn't realise
it, you was catching flies!

- She's stunning, she's
a stunning looking girl.

- See what happens, be
nice to get to know 'em.

- Playing it cool, yeah, playing
it cool?

- Yeah, I'm playing it cool,
mate.

I've got to get to know 'em
first.

[soft music]

- Oh, it's freezing out there!

- Where's your coat?
- I left it indoors,

I've had such a busy day,
Chloe came round earlier.

I knew that she'd come round

because not only has she
felt the awkwardness,

I had as well,

so I knew that she wasn't coming
round

to just have a normal chit-chat,
d'you know what I mean?

- Yeah.
- I knew it gonna be

about something.

Joey sees Chloe as a mother
figure to him,

and everything we've ever
rowed about he goes to Chloe,

and obviously she doesn't hear
my side.

You know, Joey wants
us all to be so close,

the only way that's gonna happen
is if we all communicate--

- I don't mean to sound
like I'm being negative

about this whole thing,
but just I think, like,

sometimes that whole Chloe
thing,

I just don't buy it with her all
the time.

You've just not got to get
involved,

you know what I mean?
- Yeah.

- You shouldn't get involved to
the point

where the whole bloody
family's falling out over it.

- That's what I mean.
- I might not know

certain things that he might say
to you

because you know it's easier
for you and him to make up,

but if I fell out with Joey,
it's harder

for me and him to make up.
- Yeah.

- People say things when they're
angry that they don't mean,

so I'd rather just not get
involved.

- We've gotta stop going to
Chloe when it's little things--

- Yeah.
- And we've gotta

be able to work this
out between ourselves.

♪ Just noise, white noise

♪ Just noise, white noise

- I used to play, I used to play
semi-pro,

I used to play with no
problem, not anymore.

You're not into football, are
ya?

- I just, I weren't brought
up with it, you know,

- [Dan] I was more of a cricket
guy.

- The closest I got to football

was going to a park and having a
picnic.

[chuckles]
- Where's Chris?

- He's coming later.

- [Dan] Oh, so he's gonna join
us?

- He will eventually.
- He loves football.

- I think he's a bit
worried, he's gotta bring

his football tekkers out.
- Does he play?

- What?
- Does he play?

- He thinks he can play.
[laughs]

- I was thinking we should go
for a drink.

- Ah, man, I can't do
tonight, I'd love to,

but I'm seeing Jess tonight,
so--

- Pass the bowl, fellas!
- I'm thumbed under.

- I can't, I can't tonight,
gotta date tonight, son.

- Have ya?
- A date, yeah.

- Who with, no!
- Two hot ladies.

- Really, which ones?
- Abigail.

- And?

- And Jasmine.
[blows raspberry]

- They just seemed like a laugh,

so we just thought we'd
get to know 'em ourselves.

- [Ricky] I'd never say
not to do it, you crack on.

- [James] They're both good
looking girls, got great bodies.

- Ish!
[laughing]

- [Charlie] I'll just go out
for a drink on me own, then.

[group laughs]

- [Ricky] So which one's got
which?

- Who do you think has got
which?

- [Dan] Who do you think,
just by looking at us?

- Well, I dunno, I can't even
tell!

I reckon you'd go for Abi!

[group laughs]

♪ Does he tell you he loves you

♪ When you least expect it

- That's so cool.
- Ah, you look so cute

in your little fluffy coat.
- Would you have put that

in a category of one of
your best days of your life?

- It was fun, yeah, it was.
- What, even better

than the day you met me?
- No, that one's first.

- That one comes second.

Chloe came round earlier.

- [Joe] Oh, did she, what'd she
say?

- Since before Christmas,
and up until now,

she felt there was quite
a lot of awkwardness,

like when we was out and stuff.

Personally, I didn't feel it as
much

but it was just literally
talking about everything,

getting everything off our
chests.

- Everyone knows I run to
Chloe with my problems,

'cause she's like a mother to
me,

you know what I mean.
- Yeah.

She's like my cousin, but that's
who I go

to just to talk to about
my problems and that.

- To move forward, and for
us all to get on as well,

I think, like, I know
that sometimes you feel

that you can't speak to
me about it after a row,

but if you let it calm down
first

instead of going to Chloe
straight away,

we should try and talk about it
before

we go and speak to everyone
else, d'you know what I mean?

I think that will help.

You need more support

when it comes to things
like that, I just think,

whatever, but then--
- You can because it's

different for you, I'm not
more sensitive, but I--

- You're more of a baby!
- Nah, I'm not a baby.

- You are a baby.
- I'm not a baby.

- You are, and we can
argue, if we didn't argue

it'd be so boring.
- I know.

[soft music]

- What is going on, mate?
- I went to the gym today,

I was with Mario.
- Oh right,

how'd that work out for you,
then?

- Nah, I mean, obviously
for me, it's fine,

it's good to see him back,
and he looked quite happy,

he came up to me, and he was
asking

me to sort of talk to
you, like he really wants

to just sort of meet you for a
drink,

or go to the pub, not even just
like

as a casual friends doing
friends,

but more just sort of to clear
things up--

- The thing is, is not
like water under a bridge,

and it really ain't.
- It's not that easy, yeah.

- No, it's not that
easy, a lot's gone on--

- I don't think he's thinking
that you're gonna go there

and it's all gonna be happy
families--

- 'Cause it ain't!
- I feel like he just wants--

- I don't even know if I wanna
go.

- Yeah, but he, well, that's
a decision for you to make.

But you need that closure,
I've seen it in ya.

- I just don't know, that
is where I'm at, mate,

my head has been all
over the place recently,

and I just don't actually know.

- Well, have a think about
it, the ball's in your court.

[upbeat music]

♪ Let's get ready to rumble

- We've tried everything
to get rid of these moles,

nothing is working, so
we're gonna do a stakeout,

where we're all gonna camp in my
garden

and try and catch the moles.
- They're horrible.

Have you seen a mole before?
- Don't tell Arg stakeout,

he thinks we'll probably put
them

on the barbecue and eat them as
steak.

♪ Let's get ready to rumble

♪ Let's get ready to rumble

♪ Get ready get ready

♪ Get ready get ready

♪ And rumble, everybody rumble

- You know what some of yous are
doing,

you're spinning the hoop too
quickly,

so you sort of have to, like,
put your legs like this,

and then it's like--
- Go on, Bill, oy, oy!

- Yay, that's it!
- So it's just like that.

- Like gyrate.
- And when you're doing it,

make sure you tense your belly
as well.

And for anyone with a double
chin.

[Arg laughs]

♪ Let's get ready to rumble

♪ Let's get ready to rumble

♪ Get ready get ready

♪ Get ready get ready

♪ And rumble, everybody rumble

- You all right, Diags?
- Diags looks grey.

- Why aren't you joining in?
- I don't care anymore.

I'm 14 stone, 15 stone, 16
stone, I don't care anymore.

I've got no support, I'm
not losing any weight,

I don't see, I'm not
hula-hooping.

- Thank you.

All right, Charlie.

- How are you doing?
- Not sure really,

how have you been?
- I'm all right.

How's things?
- I've been with Gemma today,

and she has offered me
a little part time job.

Obviously she was aware
that you didn't wanna work

with me any more and said,
"Bobby,

"you're in a bad
situation, you need help."

So she's offered me

a couple of days a week
work for her business,

as a salesman for the tanning
range,

but I've said I need to speak to
Charlie,

because in my mind he's
still my business partner

until I hear it from his own
lips that he's not anymore.

- As far as I'm concerned, I
wanna move forward with this.

I want us to be committed and I
want

us to give it the best we can,

because there is nothing
like you and me in Essex,

we are a little duo that no
one can contend with, no one.

We've got like, 65
potential bookings here,

we've got an 80th birthday
with a budget of 10,000 pound,

we've got 16th birthdays, 18ths,
21sts,

wedding anniversaries,
all wanting you and me

and what we can potentially
offer them.

I've got loads of inquiries
here that need answering,

we've got parties as close as
next week

that could be working
on and actually doing,

I need to know whether
you're on board now or not.

- I'm certainly not in a
situation

to be looking a gift horse
in the mouth, I'm really not.

- But what if I was to ask
you now to make a decision?

What's it gonna be, me or Gemma?

- I was on 11 pounds.
- What?

- I was on 11 pounds, wasn't I?

- No, what's your original
weight?

- Arg, we've already gone
through this,

why do you make it difficult?
- All right, go on then.

You've just, just lost a pound!

[cheering]

- No, that's not true.
- What?

- That isn't true, you prick!

- What are you talking about?

- No, I was that, yeah?

Now what am I?

- Do it again, then!
- Please,

why do I let you do this every
week?

- Quickly!

- Every time yous two!

- No 'cause for some reason when

Gemma steps on the scales, they
go whoa!

- Right, forget it, right,
forget it.

I'm working hard at this diet,
yeah--

- Can I say one thing?

No, listen to us, what's
the point in all of us,

going to Diet Club, coming
every week, weighing ourselves,

no one's losing any weight, none
of us.

- We losing weight, you
know what I weighed!

- All you're doing is gossiping!

- [All] Out, out, get out!

- You're barred from the club,
James.

- I don't wanna be here anyways.

- [All] Bye!
- You're all fat!

[laughs]

[soft rock music]

- I love it, how nice is it?

I've always had in my mind,

since I was little, I wanted a
rectangle

with sparkling diamonds
all the way around.

But yeah, it's nice.

How much is that?

- 5,000.
- Five grand, for that?

- How much?
- What?

- [Carol] And obviously he's
gonna need about 15 then.

- At least [laughs].

- Mine was only a couple a pound

when I got it outta the pawn
shop.

'Ere I like that one, that's
my engagement ring, beautiful.

- How did granddad propose to
ya?

- You're getting engaged,
well okay, that's it,

wallop on me hand.

- Didn't he get down on one
knee?

- No!
- What?

- You didn't do with
them things them days--

- See, I want the whole shebang,

I want like, down on one knee,

the best proposal, like,
something really imaginative,

and then I want a massive church
wedding,

big marquee afterwards.

- Be a fortune.

- That is your problem.

- But your wedding is like, one
off,

I think it's something that
you--

- Well, not always, sometimes,
like,

three or four times you
can get married, can't you?

- No, when I get married, it's
for good.

- You hope, yeah.

- Look, Bob, I can give
you the ultimate job,

I'm gonna give you a car, it's
taxed,

it's MOT'd, it's been
fully serviced, Bobby.

- D'you know what, to
be sat behind a wheel,

I already feel like I've gained
18% of my confidence back.

- Really?
- Yeah,

but I do feel like saying to
Charlie,

you've let me down like
a cheap pair of tights,

where's the support?

I need something back,

d'you know what I mean?
- Yeah.

- It's a two-way street, be
it friendship or business,

and I'm on the one-way road
and I'm not getting nothing

back from the boy.
- This is an opportunity

of a lifetime, working with me,

and it won't come round again.

I'll leave you sitting in the
ultimate car of your dreams,

and let me know, Bob,
I won't be calling you.

You call me.
- Thanks, babe.

[soft music]

- Next time you get stressed
and you go to bite your nails,

you're gonna get a disgusting
taste in your hand.

Nail biters only mean one thing,

nervous, anxious, stressed, and
weak.

- No, but I feel like, I'm going
nowhere.

I know, like.

- What are you talking about?

You've got a manicure.
- What am I doing?

D'you know what I mean?

What am I doing with my life?

Honestly, it's everything,
I don't feel stable.

- Okay, that is a pretty
depressing feeling,

so let's try and fix that.
- Yeah, like I just feel like

at any point I could be gone.

- Well, no, 'cause you
need to be more positive

and think, well, yeah, it's
shit,

but we'll help you fix the
problems.

- You've moved into a nice
place, you've got heating,

and you've got hot water,
and you've got clean clothes.

And you what don't help, Diags,
not getting enough sleep.

'Cause you go out a lot,
and when you're tired,

and you're drinking a lot,
that makes you down, don't it?

- I got out 'cause I feel
like if I don't go out,

then I'll sit in and be
depressed.

- It's good to go out, but you
don't need

to take it to the extremes,
'cause that's gonna not help.

- It's got to the point where I
get

so depressed sometimes
I sit home and I cry.

- Everyone does that.
- Really?

- Yeah, I sat in my room
the other day and I cried.

On my own, with no on else
there.

- But what for, why was you
crying?

- I don't know, I don't know.

And I was saying to myself,
looking at myself crying,

going, "Why are you crying,
mate?"

Like, why am I crying?

[funky pop music]

[smacks]

- Hi!
- How you doing,

girls, you all right?
- Mwah!

- Gotta bend over, bend
over a bit, bit more--

- Back straight.
- What d'you think this is?

- Golf!
- This is a bit saucy, innit?

- [Jasmine] That why
you brought us to golf,

so you could do these positions?

- Yeah, it's definitely worked!

- I'm actually enjoying
this, just carry on.

[smacks]

[water splashes]

- It's posh getting in the bath,
innit?

Rick!

- It's nice, though.
- I know.

- It's quite close and intimate.

- I went to the jewellery shop
today.

- Yeah.

- Tried on an engagement ring,

but not for us, just because,
you know,

when you're in a jewellery shop
and they're in front of you,

and you're like, oh, that looks
nice,

let's look at what this
looks like on my hand.

- I know I'm gonna be with you
forever,

but that doesn't mean we have
to get married next week,

d'you know what I mean?

- I don't really wanna have
kids much later than about 32.

- So that gives us five years.

That's not that long.

- I know.

- D'you know what I mean, I
don't know.

It's quite a big bombshell
to throw at me, innit?

- No, I'm not saying we have
to--

- Yeah, I'm 22, but you're
saying

I have to have kids by 32,

but then that's being married as
well.

- But if the timing's are
right, we might be married

for five years and then have
kids.

- I'll be married and have a kid
by 27.

- Is that a bit young?
- Yeah.

I mean, I'm not saying don't get
married

and have kids at 40,
but what I'm saying is,

is if I have one when
I'm 27, from 27 to dead,

I'm pretty much fucked.

D'you know what I mean?

It's literally tied down
central.

You saying you want a kid by 32,

I'm expecting there to
be needles in condoms.

- What, I would never do that,
prick!

- And I'm come out, and then
suddenly, nine months later,

there's a kid on the living room
floor.

- I wouldn't have kids
until we both wanted kids.

- I can't afford to
have three kids, a wife,

that is not happenning, I'm
going to work, I'm coming home,

I'm paying for the dinner
and the food and shit,

and you go on your pampering
days

and I sit at home on a leash.

- What are you on about?

- That's what happens
when you become a husband.

- Should we mark them out of 10,
yeah?

- Hold up the cards, hold up
the cards, go ahead, James.

- Turn around, go.

- [James] Oof.

- I'll give that a five,
maybe a six for the bend.

- What?

- Seven.

- That's not a seven, he
just said I'm an eight!

- [giggling] I think you should
take your tops off as well.

- Girls, strike one, get
three strikes and you're gone.

[soft music]

- I dunno, I can't see
anything breaking us up.

I don't think we'd cheat on
each other, hope not anyway.

- Well, I don't know about
you, I can't speak for you.

I'm a good boy.
- You're the first boyfriend

I've never cheated on.
- What?

- You are [laughing].

No, I didn't cheat on my other
boyfriends,

but I knew that it wasn't gonna
be like--

- You've just went, "I've
cheated on every

"single boyfriend I had!"

Imagine if I said, I've cheated
on every

single girlfriend I've had,
you would be absolutely fuming!

- You probably did.
- No, I've never cheated,

and I don't cheat, and I don't
care,

and I don't get into
relationships, not like you,

I'm sorry, just 'cause
you cheat don't mean I do,

I've never cheated in a
relationship,

and I never will, I don't need
to.

- Oh.
- It's true.

It's a bit weird for you to say
that.

- I thought all boys
cheat, most boys cheat.

- No, listen, you don't
know all boys, you only know

certain boys.

- All right boys, you gotta
troop,

'cause you gotta be serious
about this.

Troop, man, it's not funny.

- Come on, take it seriously,
mate.

- You wanna be a mole catcher,
this is what you gotta do.

- [Arg] I don't wanna be a mole
catcher.

- [Joey] Right boys, these
moles have been experienced

in mole-ing.

And look what they've caused.

- How many of them, though?
- Dunno,

but it must be at least three.

- Right, the long and short of
it is,

they're causing Billie
unhappiness, aren't they?

- Well, they're just being out
of order,

they shouldn't be doing.
- Well, moles are nocturnal,

ain't they, so we gotta stay
out all night to catch one.

I reckon the moles are deep
in there, warm as anything,

they're not gonna pop up
'cause look how freezing it is.

- One could be right there right
now,

like it's under there, it's
there, mate.

- So why don't we just
dig it up, dig it up?

- What?
- Get a shovel

and we'll dig it up.
- Yeah,

because it just runs away
under the ground, mate.

- No, you do the thing where
you poke something down a hole,

and they pop up the other
end and then you smack 'em,

like the Whack-A-Mole.
- Right, all I'm saying is,

we can't hurt the animal.
- We're just

getting them away,
we're just shooing them.

- [Arg] What do the moles look
like?

- They're horrible, mate.
- They're butters mate.

When I say butters, I mean
B-U-T-T-E-R-S, butters.

- [Arg] What, butters as in
Diags butters,

or butters butters?
- Nah, nah, more,

worse than Diags.

- [Arg] [laughs] God!

[techno pop music]

- So I'm all ears, go for it, go
on.

- So first I was angry, but
I didn't really understand

why I was angry, 'cause you
were caught in a situation

and I appreciate that.
- Like I said from day one,

I never wanted to get involved.

I didn't want to be the middle
person,

and I've been dragged into the
argument.

I don't wanna make the situation
worse,

it's none of my business
what your's and Lucy's

relationship's about--

Me and Lucy are in a very good
place,

- That's good.
- I'll be honest with you,

Lucy didn't want me to
be friends with you,

she was like, don't talk
to Chris, blah, blah, blah,

but I said, "Look, what
you gotta understand is."

- But why though?
- That's exactly what I said.

- But how'm I gonna do that,
mate,

when if Lucy doesn't want
me to be friends with you--

- Lucy respects my decision,
though.

- Ultimately, for me
and you to be friends,

is Lucy expecting an apology off
me,

'cause she won't get an
apology off me, you know that.

- Nah, nah, nah, at the end
of the day, I know that.

- [Jas] You're supposed to
be good at football, right?

- Yeah, let's play, look at the
defending.

- Oh no!

You don't even do anything,

you just stand there, like--

- I've enjoyed this

more than the golf!

- Definitely more fun,

maybe 'cause the other two
aren't here?

What about us two, then?

- [Dan] What about us two?

- D'you think we suit?

- If you're lucky!

- What d'you mean if I'm
lucky, if you're lucky!

- No, to be honest, I
think you're a lovely girl.

Well, obviously, it's the
first time we've actually

really met--
- No, d'you know,

it's been really nice like--
- Yeah, it's just really nice

to get to know you and just--
- That's what I do, though,

not in a bad way, I do go on
dates to get to know boys.

- Yeah.
- And I just don't see

that there's anything wrong with
it.

- How many boys?
- No, not like--

I just like to know people, it's
good.

- Yeah.
- And then like

as obviously you go on,
then you start to realise--

- What one you like.
- Yeah.

- Take your pick.
- Yeah, little bit.

- Should try 'em all out.
- Yeah, you're lucky

you're on my list now.
- I'm on the list?

- You're on the list.
- You're having a laugh,

I better be at the top of it all
[laughs]!

- [Abi] You're too cocky for me,
you are.

- I'm too cocky.
- Yeah.

- I'll try and be a bit more
reserved.

- Not reserved, then you'd be
boring,

we don't want you to be boring.

- What do you want?

- You're all right.

- What, you're perfect, I'm all
right?

- [giggling] You're all right,

you've still got a lot to prove.

You got nice eyes, though.

- Ah, thank you.

- It's all right, green,
different.

- You've got nice eyes as well
[laughs]!

- I thought I was quite covered
up tonight, obviously not.

- I saw them coming before I saw
you!

- Are you joking?
- No.

- Is that the only you're
talking to me, 'cause I got
tits.

- No, it's 'cause of your
intellect and

charisma.
- Charisma?

- And all that palaver, yeah.
- Oh my God,

you're full of shit.
- What d'ya think,

d'ya fancy me?

- That'd be saying, wouldn't it?

♪ Boys, I'm freezing cold

♪ And this fire's not
doing anything at all ♪

♪ It's cold, and I like it cold
♪

♪ But I like to be warm more
than cold! ♪

[laughing]

- That was brilliant,
Joey, that was very good!

- Well, I actually love you
guys, man.

- Honestly, Joe?
- Yeah, I do.

- Well, I love you, too, man.

The only thing that is,

quite sad it's right, as
much as we're having fun

and jokes tonight, just
think about it now,

there is gonna be a time,
and it's not that far away,

when we can't really get away

with doing these sorts of things
anymore.

So in five years time, I
hope to be in the West End,

starring in one of the
biggest shows going,

and earning money,
providing for my family.

- I can't imagine what I'm
gonna be doing in five years.

- Diags, you're 21 years old,
mate,

you've got your whole life ahead
of ya,

just fucking get out
there and do something!

- I know what you're trying to
say, mate,

get out there and do something,

just do another job, or any job,
mate.

But it's like, yous all
know what you wanna do.

- As much as I'm happy at the
moment,

I'm a bit jealous of Joey,
because there's nothing

more than what I'd want than to
find love.

- [Diags] I don't know what love
is.

- [Tom] You've never been in
love?

- Oh mate please take them,
take your glasses off your head.

- [Tom] It didn't even
look like he had it on!

- Diags, it's true, you've
never even been in love?

- I don't know what
proper love, like what--

- [Joey] That's crazy, how can
you not, I don't understand,

everyone falls in love like that
one day.

- Everything was going fine, you
knew

exactly what was going on,
you had a plan in life,

and it's sort of like
you hit a brick wall.

And now you don't really
have any direction,

so you don't know where you're
going.

- That's why I'm in the
situation I'm in.

I feel like what I got into
doing before,

and then lost it all, and now
it's just like starting again.

- Be realistically, right,
if you could choose any job,

right, that would get you
through,

and you would enjoy the
job, what would it be?

- I don't know, it's not gonna
be clothes,

it's not gonna be fashion, like
you lot,

that's what I mean, I don't
know!

If I knew what I wanted to do,

yeah, I wouldn't have this
problem.

- You're blessed with, not
so much in looks, like,

but you're blessed with good
brains,

you're a clever, clever boy, and
you know,

all this going out every
single night of the week,

getting out of your face,
waking up at five o'clock

in the afternoon, that's
not gonna help you

achieve things that you want to
achieve.

- [Joey] Again with you, Tom.

You got a first in economics,

mate, you didn't even revise,

you're about as clever as James.

You two should do something
together, man.

The Brains of Britain Awards,
or something like that.

[laughing]

- Where I've always
thought it's always been me

in our friendship, it's been
like

the core, if you want.

It's not, it's you.

Like, everyone needs a
you, like you gotta think,

Mark had Arg, Joey has Diags--

- I hope I'm better than
Arg and Diags, mate.

- You are, don't worry, yeah.

Everyone has that one friend

that is literally like,
this sounds a bit cringe,

but their rock, 'cause in my
eyes,

you are the closest thing
I've ever had to a brother.

And like, whatever you do,
whether you got into a fight

right now, if you were
wrong, I'd jump right in.

- And of course, and
I'd do the same for you.

- So it's been weird
having to go through that,

and it's like--
- Do you not think

it's been weird for me,
'cause I've sat there,

I've sat there and I've been
in the middle of all of it.

And I never wanted to get
involved in it.

Ultimately, at the end of the
day, we had 16 great years,

d'ya know what I mean, like I
said,

we've had so much friendship.

At the minute, I'll be honest
with you, it's gonna take time

even to just get back to where
we were.

- Of course, but I think--
- A lot of time.

Look, on that note, I'm
gonna head off, all right?

- [Joey] All right, everyone be
quiet.

This is the stakeout.

- I can hear something.
- What?

- Is that me or am I seeing
things?

- [Args] Shut up, man.

- I can definitely hear

rumbling and rustling and stuff.

- I actually can hear that as
well, and I'm not even joking.

- Scared now.
- Oh, boys,

let's just forget this, let's go
inside.

Who cares about the moles?

Anyone could get in this garden,
mate,

there's a big alleyway down
there.

- [Joe] I hear footsteps,
I can hear footsteps!

- What, you can hear a mole?

[screams]

- [Joey] It's Billie, it's
Billie!

[whistle blowing]

Billie, what the hell were you
doing?!

[laughing]

- You're such an idiot!
- I'm going in,

I'm going in, I'm going
in, man, I'm going in!

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ For you and me now