Original subtitles

[horn blows]

- [Narrator] The following programme

contains some scenes that have been created

for your entertainment.

[yelling]

Previously on 'The Only Way Is Essex!'

- You've got to stop!

- I think in the New Year, we should stop just talking

about getting a house and actually do it.

- Let's do it.

- You're crying because I'm not with him.

I don't regret going out with him,

but I regret that things went wrong.

- You're the alpha now?

- James you're demented.

[laughter]

- Go ahead and do it.

[woman gasps]

- I just wanna have fun.

- We were not having fun.

- I've got no more tears to cry and I'm like shit.

I'm strong enough.

- If I loose weight, I'll be able

to pull better looking girls.

- Chicken's good for ya!

[men laughing]

- Oh, no one comes around.

You ever seen the film called "Friends with benefits."

- If I knew you were gonna be a serial dater.

- I'm not a serial dater.

- men like Joey, fall in love,

and get their heart broken.

- Are you looking forward to be looking at my bressex.

- I can't wait.

[trumpet horn blows]

[jazzy intro music]

- Have you heard about Joey?

- I think Joey's ready to do it.

- It's a lot of responsibility for someone so young.

- I feel bad that I didn't know!

- Yeah.

- I'm like oh, Joe, like, like what the hell?

- 'Cause its not like you can have a round and break up.

That's like a big, that's quite a big commitment.

- Its such as nice day innit?

- Come on!

Come on get on my back, come on.

- Wait, you're going to drop me.

Not run.

- Babe, you're strangling me, what you doing?

- Here we are!

- Yes.

- Over the threshold!

- Done, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

- Don't drop me.

- I got this properly.

- Woo hoo, we've done it!

You dropped me!

So this is your shop!

- This is it mate!

- You've done it!

- This is it!

We got it!

- You have your own shop!

- We need to put brick everywhere,

we need to make it like sort of like an alleyway.

And we need to buy like a traffic light lamp!

Want the till to be bricks.

I want bricks on that wall,

bricks on this wall,

I want bricks everywhere.

- Do you know how to use the till?

[upbeat music]

- You're sweating more doing that than you were working out.

[boys laugh]

Are we all up for my birthday tonight.

- Mate, I'm majorly up for it.

- We are so up for this!

- Boys only though, its boys only!

- Is Lucy gonna be alright about that?

- Its his birthday, he's allowed to!

- I'll still do something with her!

- What's everyone gonna wear then?

- Presuming the only reason your wearing black

is because its slimming isn't it.

It's a slimming colour!

- Ah!

- He's so pissed off!

- Ah, its out of order mate!

No, that is out of order

'cause ive been working hard on this.

Stop being a prick, it might be your birthday.

- Stop worrying you look good, you've, you've shaved off.

- You're so detrimental all the time?

- Yeah but you're always bantering me all the time!

- Yeah, I'm only bantering about your health.

What's going on?

- Mario!

[laughter]

- Fuck this, I'm out!

- Later's mate.

- Aww, Chris man!

- What do you fancy?

- Bacon sandwich.

What you getting?

- Small one, I'm just gonna go for

smoked salmon and scrambled eggs.

- What with though, what are you getting it with though?

- Nothing, that's all I'm having, by its self.

- Bacon, sausages?

- No, no.

I've lost a lot of weight, lost about a stone and a half.

Feeling good about myself and feeling confident

and I do feel the new Arg is back.

Do I look slimmer?

- You do look a little bit, your arms look skinny.

Lost a lot of arm weight.

- What about my face?

- Mostly around the arms, a lot around your arms!

- Anyway look what I'm saying is I still feel

like my life's changing.

I'm moving out, I'm gonna get myself a fit new girlfriend.

- So you're not seeing anyone that we know?

- I'm not seeing anyone at the moment no.

I'm completely single.

- Have you spoke to Jasmin recently?

- No.

- Not at all?

- No.

- You were saying on nights you was messaging her

like saying you reckon you could do this.

Is that true yes or no?

- I reckon if I really wanted to I probably could, yeah!

- Hundred percent?

- 'Cause, only because of the way she.

- All right.

[Arg laughs]

- All right, Jasmin.

- What was you saying?

- No no what did you say like?

- Diags what did he say?

- I was just paying you a compliment.

- Really?

- What I thought, what I thought you said was,

that you think you could do bits with Jasmin.

- What do you mean?

What have you been saying, Arg?

- Diags likes winding people up.

He's a joker.

- Last time I saw you Arg, you ran away from my house.

- In front of her whole family?

- I felt uncomfortable.

- Yeah, it was really rude.

- No, listen, I love to see you again,

but maybe not sitting around your living room

with all your family.

- Okay, we'll go out and we'll chat about what happened,

but nothing else is going to happen, alright Arg?

No doing bits.

[laughter]

[techno pop music]

- You stormed out man, you alright?

- I'm pissed off aren't I.

- Oh, what's up?

- I just don't want to take it anymore

like 'cause its knocking me down, for me at the minute

this is like a rebrand of little Chris.

I'm trying to make little Chris, big Chris.

I actually couldn't even stand to listen to him talk.

I just didn't even want to hear him talk.

I walked out, yeah!

He didn't go, Chris wait up!

Let me have a chat with you, like any friend would.

He just let me walk off.

That's how much he cares mate.

- No, I get it right.

I'm on both your sides, you're both me friends right.

Mario takes the piss out of ya.

That's his way of doing it right, wait,

he's got a lot of the best ya know, he's got the best car,

he's got a good body, he likes to be able

to put other people down.

- Yeah but he should see that all of us are doing well.

- I know that and he's probably threatened by that.

Now that we've come through.

We've both lost nearly a stone each.

I mean, he's starting to think shit

maybe they're catching up now

and maybe that's why he's putting you down,

just remember that mate, take it as a compliment

that he's threatened.

I don't want to be put down when I'm in someones company

all the time, do you know what I mean.

- Instead of telling me and going,

"Ah you know he's doing this and he's putting me down,"

you gotta start sticking up for yourself.

- All I'm gonna say, Rick, is this sponge is fed up

of soaking up.

- There you go.

- Do ya know mean, I don't, I don't actually want.

- You need to dry your sponge.

- Yeah, I know exactly.

[upbeat music]

- Dan, guess what?

I went to the coffee shop this morning

and I bumped into Diags and Arg.

- What did they say?

- Well basically I was just ordering a coffee

and then I overheard him saying stuff

like I can do bits with Jaz and stuff, and then.

- Do bits?

- Yeah do bits.

- What does he mean by 'Do Bits'?

- Sandwiches?

- Thanks, mum, you all right.

- Did you hear what happened?

- What?

- I met Arg.

- Did you?

- Yeah, but the thing is I don't mind if he takes me out

just to make up to me and tell me why he did wrong,

but like, do you think I want to be going out

with a boy straight away.

- Not even going out with a boy like though,

going out with Arg.

To be honest like he's like a big cuddly bear.

He'll eat the sandwiches and run.

I'll have to say something, won't I?

- Don't say anything like stupid though, Dan.

- It's the fact that I'm your brother,

I think he should ask for my permission.

- You'll need something to sort your hair through!

- What you doing, don't touch my hair.

- Mum don't touch his hair.

- I wanna be a model.

I'm gonna earn at least 300,000 thousand pounds.

- You can't, only people,

like David Beckham earn that much money.

- Yeah, if you put a picture of me

and David Beckham together,

like people would be like, Danny.

- Right, so your gonna do your modelling,

but how are you gonna start it off?

Like, what about Joey?

You could like, model his clothing range.

- I actually could as well.

I could be in the window like,

you know you get the front windows

and I'll be posing like that!

- How would you pose?

- What are they called?

The doll things.

- Models?

- Yeah I know but the fake doll,

like it's a statue basically, I'll pretend to be a statue.

- Mannequins.

- Yeah, that's it a mannequin, yeah a mannequin,

I'll be a mannequin.

[upbeat music]

- Nice, it's a little bit smaller than I thought though.

- It's a magic room!

- Well, you mean where the magic happens.

- Yeah.

- Sometimes.

- It's where I come into my own, bed, harness, done!

- Right, next room.

[laughter]

- Ah, this is cute.

This would be my princess room, my dress up room.

- No, this would be for our first child.

- We're not having kids, I'm only 21.

No, look we don't need to think about kid's rooms yet.

- So, what do you think of it?

- Honestly, I like it, I think they have done it up nice,

but want something that I can put my stamp on.

- Yeah, I think its too small.

I think the house we buy next is the house

we will have kids in,

because you gotta think do we want to move again

in a year's, two year's time?

- We won't be having a kid in a year, two years time.

Well maybe in ten years time.

- Ten years time is ridiculous.

- It's not that ridicules, Mario.

- That means I'll be like 34.

- Also I do think you need to have

a clear out of your shoe's.

You've got 300 pairs of shoes.

On average a pair of trainers are 50 quid, yeah.

So 300 times 50 equals,

15 grand!

You have spent 15 grand on shoes.

- I'm good to my feet.

- People save up years for that amount of money to put

a deposit on a house.

You're gonna have to start being responsible now.

- I will be responsible!

- What we doing tonight for your birthday?

- Just going out with a few of the boys.

- What?

- I'm not going out, out.

I'm going out with the boys at Ricky's bar.

- But on your birthday I thought you'd want to see me.

- Seriously, I don't need egg from you,

I've had egg from Chris.

- I'm not giving you egg!

- Seriously it's my 25th birthday

and I want to see the boys.

- You can do, Mario you can do what you want.

I'm not going to tell you what to do.

I just thought you would want to see me on your birthday.

[upbeat music]

- Bob, it's so good to be looking at your face again.

- I've missed you so much.

- It's like I've been away for ages isn't it.

Do you know what I think before I went away,

it was very stressful 'cause I was moving

and I've gone on holiday and now I just feel

like really relaxed and even more shocking.

- What are you gonna tell me?

- I'm becoming a vegetarian!

- Shut up!

- Yeah, after all that horse scandal,

I just don't want it in my life anymore.

I'm becoming at one with mother earth.

- Sausages are what, arseholes and eyeballs aren't they.

They're full of rubbish anyway.

- Disgusting.

- I only eat chicken, a bit of poultry anyway but.

- Make sure it's free-range 'cause its going

to make your soul like a lot clearer.

It's all about cleansing yourself

and if your clear inside, everything's clear.

- That's why your aura is so positive at the moment.

- I feel, do you feel it?

- I can absolutely feel your energy your giving to me, yeah!

- I feel really good.

- Do you know what?

I think this is a new year, a new start of 2013.

This is my year, 13 unlucky for some, not me!

This is my year!

And do you know what it is as well,

its because I'm 27 this summer

and in gay years that's about 45.

We age so much faster and I'm like shit,

I'm getting over the hill now, my sperm's getting stale.

How sweet is this?

Thing is Gem, I wanna be a dad!

I wanna baby!

Or in my case a gayby.

- Bob I'm in shock, I gotta have a drink.

[upbeat music]

- Last night, I was eating a shepherds pie

and I was a bit like ok I'll just eat the mash,

but then I couldn't help it so I ate the beef,

so I probably ate a horse.

- So you still ate it knowing it might well have been horse.

- Well, you know what I was thinking like I know its sad

on the horses, but like, but they are pretty much

the same as cows and pigs and chickens.

They got the same rights.

- Not really 'cause horses have got

like personalities don't they.

- Hmm, not any of the horses I've met.

- You know who would be devo about

this whole horse scandal, mick!

- Why?

- 'Cause he's well horsey isn't he!

And one of his horses is having a baby.

- That will be the next thing won't it?

Mick's having a baby shower for his horse,

baby horse shower.

- A pony shower.

It's called a foal?

Foal, foal shower.

[upbeat music]

- Is this the pregnant one?

- Yeah, can't you tell?

- He's a bit big though in'it.

- It's a her, it's a her cause she's pregnant.

- What there's an actual horse in her belly?

- Can you feel it?

- No, what am I going to feel?

There's a foal in there, and it's quite a big one!

Like about as big as one of them over there.

In fact, it probably come out taller than one of them.

Now what's happening with Lauren,

I know I've seen her around here a few times but that's all.

- No that's cause, you know what we went with

the old friend with benefits thing I think

that was just to break the ice,

but were pals now which is good, I love it now.

- Its good to keep it like that.

- I know yeah that's what I like,

there's no awkwardness if I see her out

its brilliant you can just talk normally,

but know I want to find the one.

I wanna to settle down I want to find a women

I wanna have kids with, I wanna be a young dad,

that's what I wanna do.

- You need to man up.

- No I see it, I'm a man trust me, I'm having it.

- So have you spoke to Kirk recently?

- I'm actually a little bit disappointed

in him to be honest.

- Why?

- Because, obviously we started hooking up again.

We both agreed it is what it was, right!

And then just one day didn't hear anything.

- I don't know what to say about that pops.

- When its just me and him he's like,

oh I do still love you blah, blah, blah.

- Yeah I think he done, he did still love you.

- Like it feels like he has to put on this front

because but maybe he's seeing loads of other girls.

I don't know?

- Nah, even if he is seeing loads of other girls,

you always have that one person

that you just never get over,

Don't you?

Like everybody has that person and

you obviously didn't completely get over him

because you went back, do ya know what I mean.

- Yeah I shouldn't have done that.

- Well, no you can't say you shouldn't have done it.

You gotta do what you gotta do, pops, at the end of the day.

- I know but now there's a bit of another situation.

- What?

- Mmm, I'm kind of late!

[upbeat music]

- I've seen the Louie pushchair in Bond street.

Beaut and it actually matches my bag

with the black and silver.

- Calm down, a baby's for life.

It's not a fashion accessory

but it's a massive thing in your life.

- I've been doing my research into it.

There is possibility for gay men to adopt now.

The government's got a lot better.

I think it's the government.

Whoever deals with giving out the babies,

they've got better at doing it for the gays,

however for me to arrive as a singleton

they're gonna laugh me out the centre.

So the only other option is surrogacy.

- What's that?

- I can just find the one women who's my kind

of hash tag oven who's going to carry it and use her egg.

- How are you going to finance this Bobby?

Not being rude.

There's no point in spending 40 thousand pounds

on a faberge egg and living in a high rise.

It's not easy Bob.

No job, how you gonna feed a baby?

How you gonna clothe a baby?

How ya gonna even make the baby a bloody dairy lee sandwich?

- You sound against it.

- I am for now, not forever, but for now.

- Do you not think that I'd be a good dad then, babe?

- I think you'd be a brilliant dad, but your rushing it.

[upbeat music]

- I think the thought of you two having a dog

is a nice idea but it is kind of like having a baby isn't it

like that responsibility.

- Pretty much even worse 'cause you cant put a nappy on'em.

- And they smell, I'm sorry.

Even if you go out and put dog perfume

on them they still smell.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- How are you?

You look very glam, very glam.

- You okay, you ok?

- What are you doing tonight then for Mario's birthday?

- Well I thought we'd all be going out,

but he told me today that he just wants

to have a boy's night out.

- This boys only thing!

Joeys having a sleep over tonight in his shop.

- In his shop?

- Yeah 'cause he's opening up a shop.

- I heard that, he's having a sleepover in his shop.

- Tonight 'cause it's empty, what is it's

with this boys only thing?

- Well, I think if he's gonna have an all boys night out.

I think we should do it even better and bigger.

Get our own back.

- We'll do our own thing.

[upbeat music]

- We finally got you down to my bar.

- There you are, see.

Ah, Ricky its lovely inn't it.

Don't tell everyone will ya that I'm on the cocktails.

- My secret, I'll keep it between us.

- 'Cause you know, I normally drink Shandy.

- I'll look after ya, don't worry.

- You better.

- The biggest question is will you be serving sausage plaits

in here, Nan, at lunch time?

- 'Cause we need someone to do'em, we got'em on the menu.

- Oh do you?

- But no one wants to do it.

- Right, okay.

Right, what sort of music have you got then?

- We've got a big selection.

We've sort of got R&B, we've got house,

we've got.

- What's that?

- Deep house, electronic.

What you haven't got a record player?

- I'll show ya it's a nice bit of kit, I'll show ya.

- All right, Nan this is the DJ booth.

- This is where Nannie Pat becomes a DJ for the night.

- So what have I gotta do then?

- Get the headphones on.

- I haven't got to press any buttons?

- Put them on, now.

[laughter]

- That's it get it on with it, break me kit.

Look put your CD's in there inside

and then you just press play.

- And do you stand and dance with it.

- You'd normally just give it a little.

- Yeah a little.

- You know a little head bop.

Oh right, oh yeah.

That's it, Nan!

Nanny Pats got a beat.

[laughter]

]upbeat music]

- What are you doing, dick head?

- Careful, careful, careful, careful alright.

- Don't you want it?

- No, no, no, no, no.

Group fight!

- Let's do, let's it do.

- Stop it, stop it!

- I don't know anything about this shop, tell me about it?

What are you selling?

What's going on?

- It's a clothes shop.

- What's it gonna be called?

- I'm thinking of calling the actually name of it, Fuzie,

but I think it should be something to do with like a duck.

Ducks are unusual aren't they, they're weird.

Quack!

- What's a duck got to do with boys clothing?

Obviously you got to run the shop, you can't be here

all the time, you know you might need a certain someone

to maybe one of your mates who is desperate for a job

who's skint to maybe work here.

- I don't really think you really suit the Fuzie look.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Basically you got a really bad dress sense.

So I don't think if you was walking around here

you would put people off my clothes.

[laughter]

- Dress him in your clothes from your shop

and let him work here.

- Cheers girls.

- Girl's night out.

Well what's everyone been doing?

What's going on?

- Mario is on his birthday night out.

- At Ricky's bar.

- Oh yeah, 'cause Ricky's there.

- Ah, we didn't get an invite Jess.

- Ah no, he's got his boys night,

but I prefer it like that, otherwise everyone's on

our case like, "Don't drink to much ya know,

what are you wearing?"

- What's he got planned?

Has he got any surprises or is it just literally drinks.

- I heard there is a stripper going.

- What?

- You serious?

- You two, what!

I am only joking, I'm only winding you up.

- Mick!

- All right!

- Yeah good thank you, how are you?

- What's the celebration about tonight?

- Ah, well a girly night out.

- All the boys are doing their own thing

so we thought we'd all do our thing.

- Having a few drinks.

- You've had your hair chopped off.

- Yeah, do you like it?

- Ah yeah, it's lovely, you all look lovely.

- Thank you.

- Well, anyway have a good night girls.

- Thank you!

- I'll get some drinks sent over.

- Thank you, see ya later, bye!

- Ah, Mick's always so friendly.

Every time we're in here he always sends drinks over

and comes over to say hello and drinks with.

- He is so lovely!

[upbeat music]

- Hey!

- Here we go folks.

I thought I would bring over a bottle.

- What's going on tonight?

- I've got too much hair spray on for this shit.

- That's why I cut mine off.

- No, I thought it's Mario's birthday

so its gotta be the best bottle in the house.

- 25 is a bit of a mile stone, isn't it?

- It's a quarter of a century mate.

A quarter of a century, you my friend are old.

When you get to that age you can have

to start thinking about kids, little Marios.

- The thing is, I'll be honest with ya

if Lucy was to turn around to me

and said Mario I'm pregnant it would be

the best birthday present I could have.

I'd love a kid.

- No it's good, its good that your thinking

about the future though.

Obviously you don't want to move in and then you

ain't got enough room for the little ones coming along.

- Where is little Chris?

- I think he thinks that I'm mugging him off

or something so he's not coming.

- Do you think you could apologise to him?

- I would but the fact he didn't come tonight

just pisses me off.

- But listen look its getting everyone down.

Do we want that?

I mean its your birthday, we're here to celebrate.

Lets do this.

- Valconi!

- Happy birthday, man.

- Cheers mate.

- They're worse than girls, their worse than us.

- Maybe Mario feels threatened by little Chris.

- Hi, we have our drinks.

- Hi, thank you!

- You having a good night?

- Yeah, really good thank you.

- Yeah, really good thank you?

Are you two identical twins?

- Yeah!

- Really are you,

what's your names?

- Sally and-

- Amy.

- Are you Sugar Hut Honeys?

- Yeah, Sugar Hut Honeys.

- Right that's it girls.

- So how long you planning on staying in Essex for?

Quite a while?

- Yeah hopefully, we want to stay.

We need to learn the lingo.

- Its so easy its like, 'Shut up.'

- Try and do something in our accents.

- What does drop me out,

drop me out, what does drop me out actually mean?

- Its like drop me out is like, oh leave it out.

Leave me alone.

You're annoying me.

- We say turn it in.

Turn it in.

- Its means the same thing.

- Yeah, turn it in.

- Turn it in.

- Drop me out.

- Drop me out.

- Have you ever been on a date and swapped?

- No but we did that to our ex's didn't we

and hers noticed and mine didn't.

- No!

- Are you single or with someone or what?

- I'm newly single.

- Well, Essex is the place to be if your newly single.

- Yeah!

- We need to find our selves an Essex boy.

- Amy and Sally?

- Yes.

- Cool, it was nice to meet you girls.

- You too!

- Welcome to Essex!

- Thank you, right well we best get some work done,

so have a good night girls

- Thank you see you later, see you later.

[upbeat music]

- To be fair though, mate, I am actually quite proud of ya

for this, I didn't think you had it in ya.

- Its good in'it cos I am really stupid

and I haven't got much brains,

but when it is finished it will look good.

- You've got brains.

- I got a brain I know it don't work very well.

The only thing I got to put in place now is staff

and they all got to dress exactly like me.

They gotta wear white t-shirt, man bag blue jeans

and a pair of high tops.

- So me being your pal for all this time makes

no difference to you.

- Well, it does obviously you might have a bit of leeway.

Come to the interview and if you can make effort to come

to the interview, you can make effort

to come to work for one day.

- So I can, I'm not going to put all my eggs

in this basket and think I'm going to get a job here

and put myself out.

- Oh my god why don't you give one a try.

You've never had a job in your life just give it a try.

- To be fair-

- I'm offering you a chance here.

- I was thinking about starting up like selling stuff.

- Oh Jesus!

- Like what, like what?

- Like you know, like market stall.

I'll sell whatever, I was thinking cheeses.

All people love cheeses yeah?

- What do you know about cheese?

- That's never going to happen mate, 'cause it true,

cause it's true!

- No, you make so much money out of cheeses.

There's nothing wrong with it.

All people love it.

- You're never going to do it.

- Mate, why do you trust me?

- You'll be eating all the cheese.

- I'm not going to eat the cheese, I'm going to sell it.

- Yeah, but you will eat it, yeah I know you will.

- You set it all up and you give little samples out,

you give them to everyone you just got to shout out,

you'll be like cheeses!

- Yeah, but how you going to buy cheese?

You ain't got no money.

- I'm going to goes up to a geezer

and go look I've got this geezer wants 4 cheeses yeah!

- So your brokering now?

- Yeah a cheese broker basically.

I'm going to go up, some one going to come up to me,

I'm going to find them, they going to be ah, mate,

I'm struggling, man I need to find some I'm looking

for Edam mate, I'm looking for 4 Edams and 2 Chedders yeah!

I go I know exactly I know what you need.

Come to my stall, there you go, mate,

Brokered in the money.

Gouda, Edam, mozzarella, goats cheese.

- Donkey cheese!

- Donkey cheese?

No such thing!

- Mr. Dairy Lee's, mate, rolling in it mate!

- Yeah, because he's made an actual brand with Dairy lee.

- Diagonal cheese.

- There has got to be more to life than this.

- We went to see this house earlier.

It wasn't like my sort of thing but it was nice,

but would you view a house and think that's where

you would put your nursery?

'Cause I wouldn't.

- Yeah.

- We're 21, well you're 22, I'm 21.

- No, I think it's an Essex thing.

Any normal people our age will be living

at home, wouldn't they?

- Hi.

- I promise you I'm not gonna embarrass ya' 'cause

I don't want to embarrass ya.'

It's not a gang up against ya'.

- I'm telling ya' because I want you to know.

- Please, can I leave and you tell Sam.

- No, no Lucy.

- I'm not comfortable to go through this again!

- Can I just say one thing, can I just say girls,

if you got something to say to Lucy why didn't you say

it earlier for one?

- Because.

- Why?

There's no because.

There's no because, you stood there earlier,

we all was nice to you, you come down to Essex.

What is it, what is it, what is it?

- We don't want to hurt her, get her on her own,

don't embarrass her in front of her friends.

- What is it, what is it?

- It's about Mario, basically.

- Okay, yeah obviously.

- Something happened months ago, it happened months ago.

- With you.

- With me.

I wasn't going to embarrass her in a club in front

of everyone I wanted to speak to her when

it was just you two and when its just us two.

- Yeah, but come on are you fucking joking seriously?

- I don't want to, I don't want to.

- Girls, you walked over pouring us fucking champagne,

pouring us champagne and you fucking shagged Mario.

Seriously, you both come up in Essex trying to act

like big girls just because, yeah how long ago.

She's been with him fucking two years,

its nothing to do with you pair of sluts.

Fuck off, fuck off both of you.

- No, oh right whatever.

[upbeat music]

- Italian stallions out in force,

it might be your lucky night.

- Lets hope so.

- For the next 25 years.

- To the next 25 years!

- I just don't want it to be true.

I don't want it to be true and I just think like you say

they stand there and they talk to us all friendly

and all nice and-

- And I said that to them.

There standing there saying look you know Mario,

I was like don't fucking care if I know Mario or not,

what happened?

And the other one, one of them who ever they are

tweedle dee and tweedle dum one of them shagged Mario

in Manchester and that is it.

And that's what happened and I just pushed them out

of the way and called them both a pair of sluts

and walked out, its not right, its not right

and I know you run off crying Lucy but its not fair.

- The reason I didn't want to confront them is 'cause

I knew exactly what she was going to say and I don't want

to listen to it.

- But why?

- I'm sick of crying, I'm sick of getting upset.

- For you to know what she is going to say, says it all.

For her to walk in the door and you already know

that she is going to say that, says it all.

- It's always me that's the responsible one,

but I suppose when its someone doing it to you you're blind,

'cause you love him and you want it to be alright and

but why would he did choose that over me.

- Come here.

- Please say he hasn't done it.

What is it, what is it have

I got mug across my forehead please is that why?

- So come on then, I'm all ears.

- Well, I was in a club in Manchester,

I think it might have been the last week in September.

We got introduced by a friend.

I'd asked him about you and he was like we're not together.

In the club he was walking around holding my hand.

I'm really sorry that I have to tell you.

- Well c'mon then, carry on then.

I don't know why you're crying

because this is my life torn apart so carry on going.

- So we left there, just me and him in a taxi and went to-

- Did you sleep with him?

- You know.

No,

but that was only because I didn't want to.

He wasn't acting like someone who's got a girlfriend.

- There must have been other people there?

- Its completely up to you if you believe me.

He's seen me on other nights and I've said no

because I knew you was together then.

I knew for sure you was together.

- I'm trying to see sense in this situation.

You've got to understand from me, you've come here

and told me that you've done stuff with my boyfriend.

I need to know if that's true.

- It's all true its completely up to you if you believe me,

but he is a liar and he will do it again.

You'll end up marrying him and he'll keep doing that to you,

weekend after weekend after weekend.

- Please go, please I can't take anymore please get out

of Sam's house.

I don't know what I'm suppose to believe all

I want to know is the truth.

[upbeat music]