Original subtitles

The End

You hear something?

Bitumen, daughter of...

Solo, this is Kiriakhin, Mr.

Kiriakhin.

As you know, gentlemen, I've devoted my life to the problem of relieving the

world's thirst by purifying seawater, desalinization.

We also know that your laboratory has been broken into twice.

Are we also right in assuming that the thieves were after something other than

your desalinization formula? You are, Mr. Solo, and I've taken adequate

precautions. Our enemies would have to hunt down the four winds to find what

I've stumbled upon.

Here we are, gentlemen.

Concentrated essence of ordinary seawater.

Concentrated in this pressure chamber.

Being subjected to bombardment by gamma particles.

What's the matter?

It's nothing.

When you see the end result of this process, you'll understand why it must

fall into the wrong hands.

Yes,

gentlemen.

That's what Dr.

True stumbled on.

The secret of extracting gold from common seawater.

A key to limitless wealth.

Limitless wealth and limitless power.

No wonder Thrush was tempted. It was Thrush, wasn't it?

Yes, Mr. Gerakin.

Who else could hurl a private air force against us?

And if they should ever succeed in getting hold of Dr. True's secret, the

is theirs.

And knowing Thrush as we do, they're going to keep after him.

You were fortunate that Dr. True anticipated that. He said that his

would have to hunt down the four winds to find his formula.

And one more word.

Daughter.

I wish the poor man had told you more.

I'm sure Mr. Solo is more than eager to follow up on the daughter.

Since you suggested it, yes.

It's the only clue.

Gentlemen, please, five clues.

Our information is that he has five daughters.

Five? Scattered all over the world.

Margot in Italy somewhere, Imogen in London, Yvonne in Paris.

Gee, that may take some time.

This is what we haven't got.

I suggest you get in touch with Dr. True's widow.

Randolph, how good of you to come.

What you must have been going through.

I dropped everything the moment I heard.

No.

No, don't.

Not while I'm feeling so terribly guilty.

Guilty? What about?

About Simon, of course. I killed him.

What are you talking about? The newspaper said... It was his heart.

But I know the truth.

Oh, if I only hadn't been so stupidly honest, blurting everything out.

What did you say to Simon?

Well, I told him about us, of course.

About you and me.

And I'll never forgive myself.

You told him what about us?

Well, at first all I said was that I wanted a divorce.

There's nothing so unusual about that, is there? I mean, what did you tell him

about me?

Nothing.

You know, Randolph, I don't think you've ever been aware of this, because Simon

always had such beautiful manners.

But he absolutely loathed you.

I'm flattered.

Go on.

That's all.

A few hours after we talked, he had the attack.

You know, I really do believe that Simon was the only man I ever truly loved.

No, really, Amanda.

Not the four husbands, not to mention me.

I mean it.

Oh, he could be so sweet when he chose.

Our first meeting in Stockholm seemed like fate.

He was there collecting his second Nobel Prize.

And I was picking up my fourth divorce.

Randolph, that is Simon's desk.

I know it's Simon's desk. That's why I'm searching it. Why?

There was something I needed from Simon, and now I... Listen to me carefully.

Did Simon ever speak to you about the process he was working on?

Certainly.

He kept me up night after night for weeks.

I hope you can remember some of it.

No.

After five marriages, if a woman hasn't, well, learned to appear to listen to a

man without actually having heard one word, then she might just as well turn

her wedding rings.

You can remember nothing about what he was telling you?

Nothing.

Nothing?

No, nothing.

Not even where he kept the formula.

Randolph, the way you're behaving, I don't think I'd tell you even if I knew.

Oh!

Search.

What is this?

What are you doing? You have no right to tell me...

You'll stop? Yes, I do. Then refresh your memory. Tell me where he kept the

formula.

I don't know.

I know what's come over you.

Shut up and keep out of my way.

It was the formula you wanted.

Not me.

I still intend to get it.

Did he take all of these?

I don't know.

You were the one who told me they were harmless.

Even an overdose of vitamins can be fatal.

But they weren't vitamins, were they?

When you gave me back that bottle, there was something else in it.

Not his pills.

Something you put in it.

Don't worry.

It will never show up in an autopsy.

You murdered Simon.

You murdered Simon.

You murdered Simon!

No need to be melodramatic about it, is there, my dear?

Looks like Thresh got here before us.

You're too late.

She's already cleared out and in a hurry, too.

Who are you?

Sandy True.

One of Dr.

True's five daughters.

My father's only real daughter.

The other's a step -type by Amanda's four other husbands.

And you two are from Uncle, I suppose.

My father said to contact you.

Did he give you something for us?

No, we just spoke on the phone.

What did he say?

He, um, said something about how in the end only I would know the truth.

I know this isn't easy for you, but it's terribly important to us.

Now, he said that you'd know the truth.

Was it about the process he was working on?

Hardly. Ben talked about that in a long time.

Amanda saw to that.

Besides, he said something about how the tooth was scattered to the

four winds.

Four winds?

Four stepdaughters.

She did this for them.

It wasn't enough what she did to my father. I could kill her.

Somebody already has.

I still don't see why I have to come along.

For one very simple reason. You're the only key that we have and we don't

to lose you.

Oh, so I'm a key. How very flattering.

Buongiorno, Napoleon.

Good to see you again. Nice to see you.

Is recognition signal A?

The ocean is near, and the coastline is sandy.

That's me. That's it. Have fun.

Hey, listen, I don't want to go with her. I want to be with you.

When in Rome, you do as uncle says.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

Listen.

Yes, we're looking for the Countess Marco di Pantini.

Tell me, what do you want?

We're looking for the Contessa.

The Contessa?

We have business with the Contessa.

Business?

Yes.

And you are from America?

Yes.

From U .N .C .L .E.

You're English.

You do not have to spell it out for me, Signore. I understand.

My wife, her uncle, she have you bring the money, eh?

What money?

What money?

Eh, no money, no contest, eh?

Arrivederci.

Help, I'm being held prisoner, Contessa dei Fanzini.

Came from up there.

Sorry, gentlemen.

I'm sure you've heard this before.

But honestly, I haven't a thing to wear.

Well, just stand there and be a gentleman and give her your coat.

She looks more your size to me.

back to the Middle Ages.

I don't want to be personal, but just why exactly does he lock you up like

So I can't run away, of course.

Can you imagine me fleeing down the Via Veneto like this?

Oh, you will help me, won't you?

Well, maybe we can help each other. We're trying to find out if you've heard

from your stepfather.

Which one?

Dr. Simon True.

Oh, the seawater one.

He's dead.

Tell me, did he leave any money?

The beast never brings me my mail.

I've no idea what's been sent to me.

We'll have to search downstairs.

Let's go. Oh, not now.

Not unless you want a load of buckshot from that bluebeard I married.

All right, let's wait till he goes to sleep.

It won't be long.

He goes to bed with the chickens, just to save on electricity.

How come he's taking your picture?

Well, that's the way the paparazzis work.

They photograph everyone in sight.

Because you never know, it might be tomorrow's film star. Right?

Right.

fortune for this place.

He could have sold it a dozen times, but no. His stupid, arrogant pride.

You should have seen the wedding.

Made all the picture magazines, and so it should have.

But he stripped the plot so to pay for it.

Naturally, I wasn't going to stay in this ghastly ruin.

Are you rich?

No. Ilya and I work very hard for a living. Mostly in the dark.

What a pity.

That's where he keeps all the junk.

He calls it the music room because the rats kept running over the guitar

before he upped the guitar.

My trunk!

I do hope there's some clothes left in it. He sold everything else just to keep

his empty stone quarry.

Why, it's beyond me.

He has an inordinate interest in mail -order catalogs.

Yeah, those bills.

Here's an invitation to the Chicago Exposition of 1892.

It's a foreclosure dated two months ago.

Mr. Solo!

Ah!

Oh! I caught you in flagrante delito. Just a moment.

You cheap Romeo.

I'm jumping to conclusions.

How dare you parade around like this in front of strangers?

Never in the history of the different genies!

Excuse me, but all we came here for... Where's my mail? Where did you hide my

mail? What mail?

I'll be glad to tell you.

It's Dr. True's formula.

Where is it?

What formula, and who are you? Answer me, where is it?

Oh!

How dare you hit my wife?

She's a deafard genie! Did you hear him? He admits I'm his wife. I did!

bring the troops?

Sure. I thought it'd be the quickest and safest way to get here. Good thinking.

to my wedding invitations. Oh, not even a response to your ransom? Nothing,

nothing. Help!

Help!

Sandy?

Help! I try never to jump to conclusions.

Let me, my guest, jump.

Sounds like it's coming from in your hair.

Excuse me, do you happen to have a secret passage?

We've been searching for five generations.

All right.

Is this what you have been looking for?

My father.

But I thought you didn't get anything from my father.

Well, it looked valueless, so naturally I forgot all about it.

Luckily, I found it this morning, under his pillow.

Oh, my darling.

Arrivederci.

We've tried to interpret the symbols in every possible way.

The result, scientifically, they're meaningless.

I see, sir. Just something for the family album.

I think not.

So far, you've followed only one of the four winds.

This may be the first piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

So, good luck with daughter number two.

are marching proudly in London's oldest traditional pageant, the Lord Mayor's

Procession. There they are, the Lord Mayor's party, waiting for the fairy

coach. It's 200 years old, by the way. That's just 500 years younger. Well, I

didn't get to see much of Rome. You could at least show me Carnaby Street.

sorry, Sandy, not right now. I'm not going to stay cooped up here. I'm going

run away. This is London. This is where the action is. Well, our orders are

where the action is.

You ain't... What have we here?

My goodness.

This is unbelievable. Hey, look.

Not a strike. It cannot happen. It doesn't happen. Emma Jean.

Where? Right there.

The young gentleman in the crowd.

Daughter number two. I can't quite see.

Oh, good.

Here's a constable.

I'm sure he'll take complete charge of the situation in no time at all.

You've got a pencil on you, miss.

I like that fringe.

I was on duty in the Strand.

The Lord Mayor's show was in procession, and when the coach drew level with me,

it stopped, and out of its step the accused.

She was wearing a black and white two -piece bathing costume.

Is that all?

No, sir.

It had a fringe.

Fearing a breach of the peace, I approached the accused and said, Madam,

behavior. Bye.

Riding in the Lord Mayor's coach and your attire may well lead to a breach of

the peace.

At this moment, I was jostled by members of the public, which caused me to be

thrust against the accused.

She said, what do you think you are doing, love?

I replied, I am doing nothingness. I have been thrust against you against my

will.

The accused laughed and replied, against your will, eh?

Pull the other one.

It's got bells on it.

The other one?

The accused was referring to her leg, Your Honor.

Yes, yes.

All right. Proceed, proceed.

Yes, sir.

Pull the other one. It's got bells on it.

At this point, the jostling of the crowd caused my helmet to fall over my eyes.

I duly warned the people behind me, and the accused said, Oh, darling, never

mind them. Pinch me.

I said, I shall miss.

What is your name?

She replied,

I'm Eugene Smythe.

And she said, You will soon see that name in lights, handsome.

Handsome?

Me, your honor.

Quiet, I'll clear the court.

Imogene Smythe, I arrest you for conduct which may well lead to a breach of the

peace in that you are indecently exposed in a public place.

And at the same time, sir, I unrolled my rain cape and put it about the accused.

And that was so sweet of you.

But that leather against me. Well, I still have goose flesh.

I said step down.

As a matter of fact, you did everything beautifully.

From the arrest to... Constable, that's enough.

Miss Smythe.

Yes, darling.

You mustn't call me that.

It's contempt.

Well, it's not in my circles.

What is your profession?

I shake.

Shake? Shake what?

I shake me.

Oh, you know, at the girls' a -go -go.

One aspect abirges clearly from this case.

You appear to have courted arrest.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life at the girls' a -go -go shaking

Yes, quite, quite.

Yes, well, further inquiries will be made.

You're remanded for seven days.

That's a dirty, rotten shame.

What did you say?

I said he's not too lame, sir.

Oh, dear, well, does that mean that I have to be in jail?

Yes, unless you can put up 500 pounds bail.

You've got to be joking.

Well, I couldn't raise sixpence at the moment.

Well, you'll be permitted to contact your friends.

Right here, sir.

Right here.

Trumpet. What?

This way to the dressing room.

Come on, wake up, stupid. It's night time.

I've been camping out in the dressing room ever since I had that spot of

with my flat.

I'll save you the trouble of searching the room.

It's not here.

He could be right, you know. My things are in such a mess.

Perhaps we can help you to straighten them out.

Where'd you get this?

Well, that's Imogen's.

He's got a chiropractor's phone number on the back.

Well, this business, you know, we're always throwing our backs out or

rust against me completely against your will this time?

Not entirely.

All right.

How charming.

I really would say.

Better luck with number three.

Both photographs seem to be identical, sir, except for the lettering in the

background. Apparently the answer lies in those figures.

We might have to get all four photographs before it makes sense.

I'm afraid so.

By the way, sir, how did Miss Imogene Smythe make out?

Oh, admirably.

Seems she's engaged to be married to a policeman.

Now that you've set your mind at rest on her score, I hope you'll give your full

attention to daughter number three.

If only it could go on like this forever.

It can.

Forever.

How? It's simple.

You move out of your hotel, into my ski lodge, and live happily

ever after.

Isn't there?

Something you want to ask me first?

No.

Something I have to tell you.

I should have told you before.

I'm married.

You are what?

Married.

I know. I should have told you before. I know. I should have had the courage.

You know, my wife, helpless in the lid. I can't divorce her.

You're asking me to, aren't you? No, let's talk about it a little more

practically. I find you a secretary for my palace office here in a hotel you

clearly cannot afford, wearing clothes that are obviously not paid for.

What kind of girl do you think I am?

A man who's been here and there and would sorrowly enjoy having a charge

account.

In all those enchanting little shops down in the town, huh?

And why not?

You're such a pretty little thing.

Oh!

Sorry, head director.

Better luck next girl.

Fraulein! Fraulein!

It's about your bill.

It hasn't been paid, I know. But don't give up hope. No, no, no, no.

Entrudings, Fraulein.

The bill has been taken care of.

Well, what are you?

Santa Claus or old Nick in sheep's clothing?

Let me put it this way, Yvonne.

I knew your mother well.

Oh.

But how grateful do you expect me to be?

I want a very special photograph.

Fly to London. My half -sister, she goes in for that sort of thing.

A pleasant thought, but listen.

Actually, it's a photograph of your stepfather, Dr. True, that I'm after.

A photograph of Simon worth 30 ,000 shillings?

If it's the one against the blackboard.

If that's all you want, it's in my room.

It isn't. I've already looked.

Oh.

I've got it. It must be in my bag, of course.

I left it in Herr von Kessler's ski lodge.

Let's go.

You don't waste time, do you?

Get me the hotel.

Suite 23, please.

Still no answer?

Oh, never mind.

No, no method.

Thank you.

Yes, sir. There's a small but highly confidential...

Commission I wish you to undertake. Certainly, Herr Director.

The young lady in suite 23 add her account to mine.

That is impossible.

The bill has been paid.

By whom?

A complete stranger to me.

And, I think, to the fraud.

Anything else, sir?

Cognac. And make that a double.

That's what I need.

Why? Are you worried about Napoleon?

Well, how long does it take to search a room?

Well, it depends who's in it.

The young lady in suite 23?

You want to pay her bill as well?

Well, if necessary, yes.

I'm afraid you're the second gentleman who's too late.

Excuse me.

I understand we may be companions in misfortune.

Perhaps you could tell me where I might find a Miss Yvonne.

What is that about this girl?

Two weeks, she carries on as if I'm the only man in the world.

And we have a slight misunderstanding.

And before you can say it, she drops me like a hot kartoffel.

What? Like a hot kartoffel.

For the potato.

Oh. Can you imagine?

Just because I said I'm married.

Women are funny.

Why wasn't Komish?

Women are funny.

Oh.

Nevertheless, perhaps you couldn't tell me where I might thank you to find her.

Now, you look like a man of the world.

Haven't you used this old dodge before?

And after I came running back here, ready to apologize and even to ask her

marry me, she takes up with the first ski tramp who pays her bill.

Do you know who the tramp was?

Why don't you ask me?

Pass the disc, Clark. He's got the money.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Who was the man who paid that bill?

I haven't slightest idea.

Where are you going?

Never you mind. You stay put.

And order anything you want.

As long as it's ice cream.

I've got to know. Come on.

I've got to know.

I've got to know.

I know that man. He's dangerous. Now, where did he go?

Now, you heard the gentleman. Tell him.

That's an order.

They went to your ski lodge.

Oh, I can't understand it. I'm sure I left it up here.

This isn't only a trick to bring me here. Why would I do that?

To give those uncle agents a chance to get the jump on me.

What uncle agents?

I had an argument with von Kessler and I left in a hurry without my bag.

It has to be here someplace.

It better be.

Remember, you've been paid for it already and I don't like to waste my

How much further is it?

Almost there.

Wait!

Let's take cover.

Would you mind telling me what this is all about?

Take too long to explain.

Time to stop us from getting to your lodge.

Bun is there.

Straight down. I've got to get to her. Let me go.

No, it has to be here someplace. How can it be? You've turned it over to Uncle.

I did, I did. I don't even know that.

Go on, darling.

You want to fight? Fight a man, you... All right, you. You model of

chivalry. Do you want to save your girlfriend?

Name your price. I'll pay any amount.

Where is it? What?

My bag.

Is that what you're looking for? Where is it?

I took it to the hotel. Oh, and I left it at the bar.

Oh, my darling. Oh, it's all right now.

Your Carl is here.

Huh?

Hi, Carl.

You mean Frau Carlson? No, but, Yvonne, don't you understand?

I only said it because, you know, a man in my position.

Your position? What about my position?

Rowling. Rowling.

Oh,

my back. How

silly of me.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Did he get your bag?

Certainly not. I left it at the hotel.

That's where Sandy is.

You're not married?

No, of course not.

Don't you understand, Yvonne? I only said it to test you.

To make sure that you're interested in me and not my interlocking directorate.

to take off any time you are.

Hey, how about this?

Our own private plane.

You know, I've never even been on a plane before.

Mr. Solo!

Welcome aboard, gentlemen.

Will you have coffee or tea?

I want them.

You will give them to me or I shall be forced to introduce your charming

companion here to the pleasures of free fall.

Don't give in to him.

There is a time for heroics and a time for prudence, Napoleon.

Thank you.

And now, not without some regret on my part, we must say goodbye.

My colleagues and I have a rendezvous below.

You will continue your journey alone. It won't be a long one.

There is just enough fuel to take you out over the blue Mediterranean.

The aircraft is now an automatic pilot, and when the fuel runs out, happy

landings.

Go.

The weatherman says the water is lovely today.

Miss Rogers.

This just came in, sir, from the Flight 6, Captain.

The plane was hijacked in Austria.

Thrush got away with Mr. Solo, Mr.

Kiriakhin, and the girl.

Clear the emergency channel.

Red alert.

Attention, rare control.

Get a fix on Uncle Plane, Flight 6.

Top priority.

Come on, stand up.

Both together. Wait.

Help me get up.

Push. Up.

Mr. Solo, do you read me?

All right, now work your hands out.

Come in, Mr. Zollo.

Come

in,

Mr. Zollo.

I read you, sir.

Loud and clear.

What's the situation?

Moderately desperate, sir.

Correction, desperate.

Both fuel gauges already read zero.

According to our calculations, you're within 12 minutes of emergency landing

field Charlie.

The Balearic Islands?

Right. Lock in on homing signal frequency.

Red, Abel, Baker, Sutton.

Done, sir.

If it were my car, I'd still have a gallon and a half left.

Well, with this bird, a gallon and a half will last us for about 12 seconds.

Ah, welcome back.

Oh, Sandy.

Sandy, Mr.

Waverly, this is Miss True.

Miss True?

Well, I'm glad you made it comfortably, gentlemen.

Yes, we seem to have made it all the more comfortable for Thrush, though.

now have all three of the Dr. True photos.

All four.

Amanda's daughter in Rio de Janeiro is very nicely married with two very lovely

children. An enterprising journalist asked her for the latest photograph of

famous stepfather.

And there it is, for all the world to see.

Including Thrush?

Yes.

And we've just intercepted a Thrush signal. They're very busy converting

central complex to produce gold.

Of course, we have no idea where that complex is.

Not the slightest, Mr. Solo.

But we do have one advantage.

And, if I may say so, a very lovely one.

You see, you, Sandy, are the key to Dr. True's photo code.

Come here, my dear.

Here are the four photographs.

We isolated the symbols on the blackboards.

Our experts subjected him to the most sophisticated analysis and found them

meaningless. So we decided to be unsophisticated and play a few simple

games.

Maybe it's an anagram.

My daddy used to make up funny ones for me when I was little.

That's quite right, my dear.

So we rearranged the letters and came up with... It's all yours, Miss Drew. Go

ahead.

Japanese lullaby.

I'm sorry, Mr. Waverly. I don't know what that means.

Japanese lullaby.

You know, I never thought I'd be pleased that our friends are still alive.

It's so silly of me not to be able to figure it out.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Maybe when we get to your father's house in that atmosphere, you'll be able to

remember.

Meanwhile, think about something else.

Like what?

Hey, did you guys order a motorcycle escort?

That's no escort.

Duck, Sandy. Duck.

Cruz. Cruz, my boy.

You want the young lady to talk to us.

She won't be able to do that if you've battered her into unconsciousness.

I won't tell you anything, no matter what you do to me.

Due to you.

Now, don't be silly.

First, a little demonstration.

way around, my dear. First you tell me, then I will stop it.

Japanese lullaby. What does it mean?

I'll tell you. It refers to a friend of my father's in Japan. He must have sent

him the formula.

Friend of your father's in Japan. What was his name?

I don't remember.

Sandy, thrush to Japan.

It's all go on, this job, isn't it?

Isn't it just?

Four hours.

We've toured Tokyo for four hours.

I'm sorry. It was a long time ago.

Miss True, believe me, I fully appreciate the sentimental overtones of

situation. A Japanese gentleman.

A fellow scientist of your father's endeared himself to you by singing you

sleep. He did.

I can even remember the lullaby.

I'm not asking you to sing it to me. Just tell me his name and where to find

him. I'm trying.

Daddy brought me here to some conference.

It was a big building, modern, with fountains, and we even visited the

man, but I was a child. I don't remember.

I'll give you another five minutes.

I think that's it.

The Marine Museum.

That's where he went. I can't remember his name, but his office.

It's up there.

Please, don't give me away. I'm in great danger. Please.

Okay, teeny bob, will you stick with us?

Overseas operator wants to know uncle what?

Just uncle.

They've got no phone number for uncle.

I asked him to trace Mr. Waverly.

Just Mr.

Waverly in New York. That's all I know.

Listen, can't they start with the first Waverly in the book and keep calling

until they find the one with Uncle?

Supervisor say it's impossible.

They must have first initial can't place the call.

I gotta get out of here.

Wait a minute, where will you go?

I don't know.

Then you stay here.

They'll never find you here. Oh, you don't know them. You can't hide from

Oh, yes, you can. Right here.

Mina.

What are you doing?

In this place, a girl can spend entire life and no one ever knows.

What kind of place is this?

A geisha house.

A geisha house?

You mean all you girls are geisha girls?

Most famous in all Tokyo, which is why you must not disgrace us. Not to ruin

reputation. Me? Ruin your reputation?

What would he plan to do with me?

To make you one high -class geisha girl.

That's a photograph of the girl, Inspector.

She was brought to Japan against her will.

Interesting.

This girl...

answering the same description, was reported to us by a taxi driver entering

certain geisha house.

Geisha house?

Geisha house?

Sandy?

Now no one will ever know you.

No kidding, eh?

Too foreign, gentlemen.

Outside. I told you it was no use.

Don't worry.

Good

evening.

The gentleman has reservation, yes?

Regrettably, no.

We understand that you have a friend of ours here. Miss Sandy True?

Yes.

Come in.

She told me she was expecting you. Oh, she did?

You know, when homesick, think of friends, loneliness flees.

It's ancient haiku.

Haiku? It's a classic form of Japanese poetry.

It has to have exactly 17 syllables. My favorite is the old pond, a frog jumps

in, plop.

Please take shoes off.

Sandy is here, though, is that correct?

Yes, Sandy, very much here in Bath.

Japanese Bath, very hot, take long time.

You gentlemen like to have tea while waiting?

Thank you, but please don't worry about us.

Oh, no worry. Please, friend to Sandy -san.

Mina, not be like other gentlemen.

Always business.

No time to make a country.

Please. If you don't mind, I'd rather like to keep my coat on.

I can see why.

Uh, those guns.

Old American tradition?

Uh, yeah, Old West.

Please.

Well, if it'll make you happy.

Please

sit

down. Well, my sweet, we'd like to look around a little bit. We've never been in

a geisha house before.

Speak for yourself.

Oh, then we must show your friend the ancient tea ceremony.

Most traditional shows virtues of hospitality and a quiet contemplation of

feminine beauty.

Oh, well, I'm all in favor of that.

I'm afraid we must postpone that pleasure for some other time.

Oh, please, for you I make very fast.

After you.

Oh, no, Japanese custom.

Gentlemen sit, geisha serve.

Oh, all right.

Oriental custom.

Guest must bow in return.

Sandy, you see, you had nothing to worry about.

Oh, but what have you done? These are my friends.

I thought you said... This is Mr. Solo, Mr.

Kiriak. I'm from Uncle.

You must... I'm

so sorry.

So sorry.

always understood that geishas were dedicated to making men happy.

Oh, it depends on men.

Sometimes happy, sometimes not.

If tired businessmen are not as tired as these things, then once more than

conversation, we use samurai chop.

You mean you knock us out with a paper fan?

Very effective, no?

That's steel ribs, huh?

Perhaps Uncle would like to hire a geisha girl with fans for special

assignments? Excellent idea. Why don't you submit that to Mr. Waverly?

It's a very excellent idea. I suggest you present it to Mr. Waverly yourself.

Mr. Waverly, very big man.

Yeah, he's big Saibatsu, number one.

Maybe number one.

Kuriakin here.

Your whereabouts and situation, please.

Whereabouts, Tokyo.

Situation, extremely pleasant.

What is that I hear, Mr. Curiakin? A group of charming young ladies, sir, and

coat over, sir.

Oh, I see.

Well, I suppose it has something to do with the tracing and rescue of Miss

Yes, she's duly traced, sir. She's sitting here with us. Blended. And we've

identified a Japanese lullaby man. His name is Dr.

Sasami Kayushu.

We know his name, sir, but it seems he disappeared five years ago.

Quite so.

But we've traced him.

He can be found with his beggar's bowl at the Eastgate Temple.

I am humbled and honored, Sandy, that your good father entrusted with me his

secret for a little while.

You were the one man he knew who couldn't be tempted by gold.

We are all tempted.

All the time.

That is why I abandoned the world of science and took up the beggar's bowl.

I think I understand.

Sandy, I think I understood your father better than any man alive.

And perhaps I know how he felt when this discovery forced itself

upon him.

He realized its potential for evil.

Therefore,

He wanted this formula to be held in trust to a day

when mankind can use it.

This is your responsibility, gentlemen.

Bury it deep and guard it well.

No. This is a house of peace.

You cannot desecrate.

Gentlemen, you have my respect, as worthy and courageous adversaries.

In fact, I respect you so much, I want you to see the full extent of the thrush

victory before you die.

The perfect cover for Thrush Central Complex.

On your right, our nuclear power output.

Over there, the most sophisticated weaponry plant ever conceived by man.

But I especially direct your attention, my friends, to the central area.

There, quite simply, we shall make gold.

Your father was a genius, Miss True.

If genius be defined as originality plus simplicity.

His gold -making method was astonishingly simple.

A matter of subjecting seawater to intense pressure at a hypothermal

temperature. Imagine, tons of gold.

Tons pouring into our storage vats.

With gold as plentiful as dust, won't it lose its value?

We will control its rate of release, don't you worry.

We won't.

Before you die, you'll see history in the making. When gold production starts,

lock them up.

Well, I thought you guys had some marvelous gimmick sewn in the pattern of

neckties. Not this trip.

No knockout gas on one of your buttons?

Not this shirt, no.

And you can't even get on one of those transistor ballpoint pens of yours and

holler help?

Confiscated when we were searched.

Graceful surrender seems to be the most dignified course left open to us.

Imagine giving up like that.

It takes great imagination to even think of us getting out of here.

Infinitely. The fetus.

What does the impetuous child expect us to do?

Escape with our customary ingenuity, bravado, flair, dash,

etc.

Oh, ah, yes.

Yes, I'm supposed to say something to you very elliptically, like, um, pawn A

king's mate ploy, and you understand what I mean, and we go into one of our

daring escape routines.

Wouldn't that be nice?

Hey, look.

We're on TV.

Hi there.

They're spying on us.

Wave. Just checking if you are comfortable, my dears.

Well, it is a bit austere.

And a little too antiseptic. No serious complaints, then.

We haven't even been shown the menu. We are getting hungry.

Food at a time like this?

I'm sorry to seem inhospitable, but I doubt that there'll be time before.

Oh, we don't want anything elaborate.

The condemned are traditionally entitled to a last meal.

Touché.

Get them anything they want.

Chicken, eggs, white toast, grapefruit, cotton.

How can you? I wouldn't even give him the satisfaction. Tomato juice, a pair

kippers, French rolls, tea with lemon, and the young lady will have a salad.

not eating anything. You be quiet. Just bring the oil and vinegar separately.

Sandy is surprisingly quiet.

Sandy is absolutely disgusted.

Frightened.

Child is obviously frightened.

Talk to her, Elliot.

Get her to eat something.

Quietly.

Come on, Sandy.

We're getting out of here.

Why don't you watch Napoleon make some salad dressing?

And maybe you'll feel like eating something.

Let me check. Yes, sir.

Where'd it go? Where'd it come from?

Sir,

they've escaped from the cell.

Alert all stations. Shoot them on sight.

Excuse me, I've just escaped. Can you tell me the best way out of here?

You are here.

Yes, I know where we are, but we want to be where they're making the gold.

Must be there. Up.

Up.

Pressure's coming up to 10 ,000 pounds per square inch. Have you notified the

substation? Yes, sir. We're in constant contact with them.

Not a single thing must go wrong.

Danger to the whole plant. Sir, if anything goes wrong, everything goes

Don't worry, it's been triple checked. It's impossible for the pressure to go

beyond 10 ,000.

What are you men doing, playing with the pressure? It's progressing normally.

Not according to her, and she's of central control.

Central control? Who are you?

Show him.

The

pressure

control valve.

It'll blow the entire process with pressure bills one pound about ten

pounds. It's like a pressure cooker.

She said we want to blow up the entire kitchen.

And that's the way to do it. How do you reach it?

You follow the green pipes.

What's wrong?

We must not exceed 10 ,000. I can't understand it. The automatic cutoff

have gone on at 10 ,000.

Time to save the world, but we're late for Amarjean's wedding.

Oh, no, they're coming out!

A little bird whispered that you've paid for the bride's trousseau in her

reception. And why not, Napoleon?

When the father of the bride is not available, the next best thing is an

Quite so, gentlemen, quite so.