Original subtitles

Approaching Army Base Fort Winning, New Jersey.

Artillery range noise will cover my entrance.

chemical warfare has been getting a bloody nose in the world press.

Well, I think we're going to change all that.

Okay.

This is the Army's new will gas.

The code name BG -30.

With this gas, we can chemically induce our opponents to lose their will to win.

Now, you see, an angry dog becomes docile.

No side effects.

It's ready for testing on human beings.

I don't think I have to draw you gentlemen any pictures as to the far

psychological applications to all this.

security guard security guard

you are, Mr. Alexander.

We don't know what happened around here.

We're sending you gentlemen back in separate cars as a security precaution.

I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this top secret.

Stop here, please.

Yes, Mr. Alexander.

Time for refreshments. Yes, Mr. Alexander.

If I may be permitted to say, Mr. Alexander, you could use a few days of

relaxation. You've been working very, very hard lately.

I have a few more steps in my plan to be executed, Pavis.

It's not so simple to conquer the world today as it was for Alexander the Great.

Life is a great deal more complicated, but this gas should make things easier

for me.

Our local scanners report Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin on their way in, sir.

These films just came in on the relay from base security.

They were taken outside the laboratory.

These gentlemen are clear at this point. However, I've detailed men to check

them out completely.

And here's our Mr. Alexander.

Very different kettle of fish.

Somewhat of a mystery man, it appears.

He owns an industrial empire.

Finance, shipping, chemicals, mining.

Yet nobody seems to know much about him.

Well, I'd say that the Army's public information program on biological

was off to a rather shaky start. They invite three of their top suppliers of

chemicals to a private showing, and then one of them steals their newest

product. Other than the process of elimination, is there anything else that

points directly at our Mr. Alexander?

Oh, yes.

About three -quarters of a gallon of BG -30 will gas was stolen.

A briefcase, Paul?

Well, that's quite an assumption.

Yes, isn't it?

Alexander was the only one of the three men carrying a receptacle large enough

to hold that amount of gas.

This stone tablet.

What have you found out about this tablet?

Our archaeological department recommends that for a definitive analysis of the

markings, we should submit the tablet to a Mr. Kavon at the artifacts library at

the University of Athens.

That seems a reasonable place for you to start, Mr.

Kiriakin. See if you can discover how it relates to the stolen gas.

Which leaves me with... Mr. Alexander.

We have his local address.

It's very important to recover the gas, Mr. Solo.

Enough of it was stolen to cause considerable difficulty if handled

Its composition is top secret.

Anyone who possesses it could have it analyzed.

Well, I'll find Alexander, and if he has the gas, I'll...

Be sure and ask him to return it.

You'll receive your passport and identification papers from a Madagascar

I think you have an address for me.

Gee, I don't want to quibble, but this is an apartment number and address. I'm

supposed to get the address of Alexander's hotel.

That's my address.

And once you've committed it to memory, tear it up into small pieces and swallow

it.

Channel D is open. I'll put you through to Mr. Waverly.

You haven't forgotten our date tonight, have you?

No.

No, no, of course not.

No, I'm... Here's the hotel address.

Contact point 11 says that Alexander's checking out, so you'd better hurry.

Of course. Yes.

Thank you.

Bye.

I'm booked on an early flight.

Come on.

I hope Mr. Alexander makes his flight in time.

Just call for our guard, please.

Hey, stop that girl!

You can tell Alexander he knows the price for this.

And put away that gun.

Wait, don't open that.

Why not? I've earned it.

These are all the papers we sent him, Arnold.

months, I have been trying to serve him with a subpoena and get my settlement

papers signed.

For 18 months!

You mean that's why you stole that briefcase?

To force him into a meeting with your lawyer?

Exactly. He is crazy.

I mean, really crazy.

I can't think he's some sort of modern dress version of Alexander the Great.

no, no, Tracy.

And I gave him my inheritance. I must be crazy. Tracy?

Tracy, please.

Now. You will further inform Mr. Alexander that Mrs. Alexander's

from her former husband, the late Maharaja... I don't mean to interrupt,

am neither with or for Mr. Alexander.

Oh? I am Napoleon Solo with the U .N .C .L .E.

Ah, my favorite charity. Listen, dear, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm already

overcommitted. Mr.

Solo is with a secret international organization.

Yes, and we're interested in finding out about Mr. Alexander.

That'll take an organization.

But if there's anything I can do... Could you tell us something about his

business activities?

Well, I know that he is very successful.

Is there anything else?

He travels a great deal.

Oh, good.

Do you know where he happens to be going now?

Well, he usually goes to his villa in Alexander's Greece about this time of

year, and then...

He disappears.

He's a creature of habit.

Well, thank you for your help, Miss Alexander, Mr... Clax, Clax.

Why can't we join forces, Mr. Solo? After all, I am his estranged wife, and

should count for something.

Well, that's very tempting, but I'm afraid it's a bit too dangerous.

Oh, well, if you can't see yourself clear, good luck, Mrs. Solo.

Thank you.

Good luck to you.

Very odd piece you have here, Mr.

Kuryakin.

I have the active test results from our laboratory.

Oh, no, no, no, no, thank you. I prefer to run my own tests, you know.

Can you make a preliminary evaluation?

Oh, not yet.

In a day or two, perhaps. You see, I'm not as fleet as I used to be.

An old athletic injury. I got it playing lacrosse when I was an undergraduate.

Very sorry to hear that, Professor.

It is Mr.

Kever. Of course.

You see, I was an instructor of humanities, but the universities forced

because of my social theories.

So I turned to archaeology, an old avocation, and I became a world's

Thank you for your cooperation.

I'll be in touch with you.

What do you think of the human condition, Mr. Curiati?

I'm in favor of it.

Overseas relay pattern G is open.

How's the flight, Napoleon?

Fine, dear. We're somewhere over the Atlantic.

Have you heard from Ilya?

Yes, he's meeting you at the Athens airport.

One more item. Is there a Mrs. Tracy Alexander booked on this flight?

There is.

I suppose she's following you.

No, just professionally, of course.

Well... I'll forgive you for breaking our date if you promise to be back

tomorrow night.

We can still have that weekend at the beach.

I'm working on my tan right now.

A weekend at the beach?

You haven't forgotten, have you?

Oh, no, of course not.

You know what they say about elephants and spies.

Goodbye, Napoleon.

Goodbye.

in its final loading stages at gate 11.

Passengers for flight 10 to Madrid via London, please report to gate 11.

Your husband wants to see you, Mrs. Alexander.

It's not necessary. Put it away.

Alexander has opened his villa. He's giving a reception tonight in honor of

neighbor, Prince Manon, and his French wife, Princess Nicole.

What's the matter? You lose something?

Yeah, if I'm lucky.

you and Georgie around to the other buildings.

Passengers for Polar Route Flight 9 to Paris may now board at gate 15.

I believe this piece of baggage is mine.

I'm almost prepared to forgive you.

Forgive me?

You deserted me.

I admit it was a novel experience.

No one has ever dared to do that to me before.

But Alexander the Great did on occasions forgive transgressors.

I will forgive you.

Well... since you put it that way.

You might try to remember that it's he with the power who forgives.

Oh, yes, I will. You can count on it.

Now, I don't want to seem to be too unromantic or anything, but I would like

back what I put into our marriage.

You remember the million dollars?

A million dollars means so much to you?

Well, when it's the only million dollars you've got,

Yes.

Say, I just happened to have a copy of the settlement papers right here.

There's one condition.

Perhaps I should call it a favor.

Let's just call it a condition.

What is it?

The party that I'm giving tonight to honor Prince and Princess Fanong has

special significance for me. The princess is an admirer of mine.

The...

Prince, however, is an obsessively jealous man who misinterprets the

appreciation of me.

Well, just how much does she admire you?

She worships me.

Really? I allow it because I think it's healthy for a young girl to have an

idol.

Exactly what is it you want me to do?

It's important that you hostess this party and keep the prince's mind off his

petty jealousies.

You will do this small thing for me and I will sign the paper.

After the party. Thank you.

That is a promise, isn't it?

So it shall be written, so it shall be done.

All right, I'll go send the bag. Keep an eye out for Alexander's wife. She may

be around here somewhere.

Avoid.

Her. I will.

Good hunting.

Don't just hang there. No one has ever seen him since.

Excuse me.

How do you do? I'm Mrs. Alexander.

Oh, I've heard a great deal about you. I am Ilya Kuryakin, at your service.

Will Mrs.

Kuryakin be joining us?

Please, do not neglect your other guests on account of me.

Uh, you're... You're not... How curry I can buy any time?

Of course.

Well, then you must let me get you a drink.

No, no, thank you. But you must be thirsty after that long flight in from,

the Balkans, wasn't it?

From America.

I, uh, own a chain of radio stations in, uh, Oklahoma.

Oh. Have you been there?

Well, no, uh, I've never been there myself, but my friends who have tell me

get wonderful radio reception there.

Really?

Open it. Hurry up and do that, please.

Light? Rainfall?

Aphrodisiac mist?

I'll take his word for it.

Hurry, get back to the party.

Can you show me how to...

Late time.

Yes, I see you out there.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. The party is over this way. You having a good time?

Yes, very good.

Thank you for the escort.

You're quite welcome, sir. Call me.

You're a good look. Yeah, I like you.

Dimitri?

I see you two have found each other.

Mr. Solo.

I've been despondent.

Well, she's everything you said she was.

Oh, no.

You're not another spy.

Well, it may be very good espionage, but it is very poor menace.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for our game of chess.

By taking position as my queen?

Of course.

accept the challenge.

That man, an Uncle Agent.

Oh, really?

The question is, can he play chess?

Who's first, Mr.

Solo?

Pawn to king four.

Pawn to king four.

Knight to queen's bishop.

in check, doesn't it?

You're bluffing. That can be fatal.

I'll take your queen.

Rook takes queen.

Well, we all have to make sacrifices.

Ninth to bishop.

Seventh.

The game is yours, Mr. Solo.

To the victor.

Of course.

Waiter.

How do you want him killed?

I have something much more interesting in mind.

I'll call Athens and arrange for a rematch.

Still going to the rock party, Mr. Alexander? Yes, you'll meet me there

tomorrow.

Our host just disappeared into the house.

Susie?

We'll kill any man who makes indecent advances to my wife.

Let this be a warning to you.

Well, I tell you, you're in luck that I'm a busy man.

I found this in an infant's burner.

My settlement papers.

I was so close.

If it wasn't for you two spies, I'd have my papers signed by now.

Where is he?

Gone.

But I happen to know where his driver's taking him.

Where?

I'll show you.

It's just a few hours' drive from here.

Of course, I have to change my clothes.

I wouldn't be caught in a rock quarry wearing this.

No.

It's too dangerous a trip for a frail thing like you.

I won't tell you where they're going.

Unless you take me with you.

I'm not above blackmail.

It's part of my charm.

We stopped to refuel, Mr. Alexander.

Because someone was late.

A battle was lost.

Yes, that's true, Mr. Alexander.

Is the area clear?

I think so, Mr. Alexander.

Tracy? Tracy?

You don't really think I could sleep through all this, do you?

I really must have eight hours sleep.

Fortunately, I am a master of disguise.

I hate to interrupt your project, but it would be helpful if you could answer a

few questions.

As long as I don't have to stand in detention. Why should your husband come

here? I don't know.

Well... How many guards does he have stationed here? I don't know. I said he

always made me wait in the car.

Well, lookit, I did get you here, didn't I?

I'm waiting!

Yes, sir.

You can't go in!

Listen, we took the turn off at Athens just so my wife could see a rock quarry.

You see, she's not going to give me a moment's peace unless she can see a rock

quarry. I'm funny that way.

You're

very

sneaky, you know that? How'd you do that?

There's some in the tunnel.

Bandits at three o 'clock.

I'll try an evasive action.

Must have been our gas tank. We're almost empty. Let's make a stand.

Brace yourselves.

I cut my finger.

Yes, Mr. Waverly, our Athens office picked them up at the rock quarry.

They should be at the airport now.

Well, the relay channels are busy, but I'll try and get through.

Here you are. A one -way ticket to New York.

Al, you can't do this to me, you beast. I'm a lady in distress.

Well, as we say around the office, you've outlived your usefulness.

Well, stop thinking of your own selfish interests and start thinking of my

selfish interests. Now, I want my million dollars back from Alexander.

And I want to get the BG -30 gas from him.

It might cause you to get in the way, and sometimes when you get in the way,

get killed. Oh, I don't want to hear any more of these.

By the way, what do all those crazy numbers mean?

You don't know?

No.

What is that?

Um...

Overseas relay signal.

Probably from New York.

Really?

It's me, Napoleon.

Oh, yes, you.

I'm running a little late, and I don't think I'll be back in time.

That's all right, Napoleon.

I'm working through the weekend, but I'll have two days off when you get

We can take that drive to the mountains.

The mountains?

Go ahead, Mr. Waverly.

What do you have to report?

Well, the Athens office has checked out the villa and the quarry and hasn't

found anything.

How will you proceed?

I think we should refer back to the stone tablet inscriptions. We're meeting

with Mr. Kayvon at the university this afternoon.

If we find anything positive, I'll report back.

Good. I'll be waiting, Mr. Zola.

I'll be waiting too, Napoleon.

You know, I'm glad you asked that question.

That's fascinating, Mr. Kavon.

Would you mind explaining it to my friends?

Ah, welcome back, Mr. Kriak. My associate, Mr. Solo.

I was just telling your charming associate here about the carvings on the

tablet, but if you would step over here, you would find it a little clearer on

this enlarged photograph.

Don't you find carvings exciting?

Are you sure you wouldn't want to be somewhere more comfortable in New York,

instance? I think I have a more promising future here with you, and I'm

determined girl.

She's everything you said she was, isn't she? Now, by my findings, the tablet it

would appear comes from a tomb built to honor Spiros, an ancient Greek god of

morality. What is the significance of the number on the stone?

Very puzzling.

Where is the tomb?

Well, Spiros was never a very popular god, and it is only recently that the

Ministry of Culture uncovered the entrance.

It is on the island of Minos, not far from here.

Well, thank you, Mr. Gavon.

Come on, Nellie, I have a feeling we'll find all of our answers at the tomb.

Wait a minute, you're not leaving without me. Bye, Doctor. Goodbye, Mrs.

Alexander. Of course, you realize, Mr. Solo, that the Spiros tomb has not been

fully explored.

There are several passages and chambers that have not been officially uncovered,

and it is possible, possible that...

Somebody found one of the main chambers and is keeping it a secret.

Well, then, perhaps you would consent to be our guide, Mr. Kayvon.

Oh, no, thank you. I would only slow you down in your work.

On the contrary, you'd be a great help, Mr. Kayvon.

Very well.

The truth is, I find the academic side of all this very intriguing.

Thank you.

Good. I'll just go change and meet you at the tomb.

We must be very careful. I can't see where we step because the citizens of

ancient Hellas arranged the passages in their sacred temples so that if an

infidel were to trespass, he would... please unwittingly trap himself

by stepping on the wrong stone.

Look out, wait!

It's rather nice.

Let's try it again sometime.

My pleasure.

Yes.

This is one of the traps, all right. Someone must have stood on the wrong

How are we going to get out?

As there might be to concern, there are several passages that will lead us to

the entrance eventually.

Ah, after you.

Help! Watch it!

Odd, isn't it?

Clearly. I hate to bring up annoying details, Mr. K -Bomb. I have a distinct

feeling. And what's that in here?

Yes, it would seem that way, wouldn't it?

Mr.

Soto, your flash is something interesting.

What is it?

This looks like a cold.

What does it say?

that game, didn't he?

Yes, and by his own rules.

Your move, Mr. Solo.

Over here, Mr. Solo.

One for you and one for me.

And one to spare.

I'll take the one to the right.

Too bad, Mr. Solo.

Now it's my move, Mr. Solo.

I'll take your knight and your queen.

One of these corridors will lead you to your friends.

The others...

Thank you, Mr. Koloff.

I see you found your way here safely.

I couldn't miss it.

It's the only temple on the block.

Where's our host?

You're right on time. I like that, Mr. Solo.

Well, I thought it might be nice if we all got together for a little chat.

Why don't you put the weapons away, Mr. Solo? Mr.

Cabon has a gun pointed at your back.

Mr. Cabon.

I'm sure he has, but when he triggered the mechanism in the corridor, I took

opportunity to jam the firing pin in the revolver.

Please. Thank you.

I assumed you were trying to lead us into the trap.

How did you assume that?

First of all, the stone tablet came from Alexander's rock quarry. I recognize

the mineral composition.

Also, I noticed Kayvon walk with a shovel, which may indicate that a man

spent some time in the chain.

I had our office checked with the state prison security system, and he does have

a record.

Rather elementary.

I'm glad I didn't have to ask him that.

A relatively simple piece of detective work.

No, it isn't.

He's doing very well.

Now, while you're at it, what are all those numbers about?

Oh, the Ten Commandments.

Ten Commandments?

Yes, he broke the Eighth Commandment when he stole gas from the army.

Yes, you don't know that thou shalt not steal.

And number seven, coveting his neighbor's wife at his villa.

You're very well organized, aren't you? I'm sure Alexander will explain the

details later. Shall we move out into the lobby or... That game of chess

me something about you, Mr. Solo.

Like most people, you think that victory can be won by simple, direct moves.

You'll never be a great man.

Checkmate, Mr. Solo.

Ah.

Take charge of them, Pervis.

Over there on your back.

There, over there, quick, on your back.

Back.

You see, you've only scratched the surface, Mr. Solo.

I am breaking the universal law of morality.

Ten commandments, if you like.

But for a special reason.

Well, that's good.

I hate to see all that energy go to waste.

I decided to initiate a great design.

I elected to break each of the moral commandments and plan it in such a way

when I broke the last commandment, I would have a power base from which I

rule the world.

Well, it takes all kinds to conquer the world.

In my own grandiose way, I have broken every moral commandment, except number

seven, which...

You interrupted, but that will be executed in fairly short order. And

six, thou shalt not kill.

Anyone we know?

Possibly. I'll kill him myself and walk away a free man.

It's all part of my master plan.

From that moment on, I will be Alexander the Great. No one will stop me.

It's going to be a fascinating experience.

And what are you going to do about Tracy?

Tie them together.

Mr. Caban, my Aristotle, if you like, and I are on our way to Washington.

Goodbye. And you know how awkward it is to get space without a reservation.

I'm going to show you the heritage of the ancient cultures of the

Well, I tell you, I really wouldn't want an inconvenience here.

Beautiful, is it not?

It's razor sharp, of course.

It's a new steel process.

I get 15 to 20 times more use out of each one of these blades.

Operates on the principle of the lowering pendulum. Each swing lowers a

inches until eventually...

Of

course, there are some people who might say this is torturous.

Well, I tell you, I really never listen to what people say.

Mr. Solo.

The same I shall relieve your anxiety.

Lower the rope, Pericles.

This is a little something we use for those who commit sacrilege in our tombs.

Raise them.

the candle will burn through the rope.

But that is not all.

Bottomless, of course, Mr. Solo.

There you are.

I believe that should help take your mind off the cemetery.

What are we going to do?

Well, the best we can.

The rope.

What are you going to do?

Aim very carefully.

Mr. Alexander is going to kill someone.

But who?

When?

He still has the BG -30 wheel gas.

Puts us in a very vulnerable position.

All we know is that he said he was going to take a flight to Washington.

So far, our Washington intelligence survey has only been able to uncover the

name of a health salon for men and women called the Grecian Earth.

It's owned by AX Enterprises Incorporated, which in turn is owned by

Incorporated, which in turn, etc., etc., etc.

Well, you'll have to start there, I suppose.

Well, Mr. Alexander gives us very little to go on.

Now, where is this Mrs. Alexander?

She's in my office now. I had her brought in for a security interview.

I doubt if she knows much more than we do about Alexander, though.

I suppose I must talk to her just the same.

The most direct course would be to force his hand.

If we can get his wife to show herself.

No, that's out of the question.

Much too dangerous.

We can hardly expect her to do that.

I think you'll find her unusually cooperative.

All right, Arnold. I'll stop by and pick them up in the morning.

Thank you. Goodbye.

My lawyer.

I'm getting a fresh change of settlement papers.

Hello. You must be Mr. Waverly. How do you do, Mrs. Alexander?

We... I feel so much more secure now that I've met you.

Oh, thank you.

I wondered if I might speak to you for a moment, privately.

Yes, if you like.

Gentlemen.

Ah, yes.

We'll be outside in case you need us.

Thank you.

Now, I don't know how much they might have told you about me, but

I'd like to talk to you for a moment.

It's about my million dollars.

Mr. Solo told me you were trying to get a divorce and property settlement from

Alexander.

I'd like to join forces with you.

Now, I have an idea how I can help us all catch up with Alexander.

Oh, yes?

I could expose myself.

You'd be following me, of course.

We'd force his hand.

And my peaches are the best you've ever tasted.

I like this farm. It harmonizes with the pastoral side of my nature. I raise

organic health foods here.

If I may ask, Mr. Alexander, when do you plan to hold the assassination?

Tonight.

I've arranged for your Washington embassy to hold a special party for your

nation's president.

I will be there to make a goodwill speech. I will kill him immediately

remarks.

With the president dead, the loyalist democratic forces should collapse.

Our opposition will be scattered.

It should be simple enough to stage a coup.

And what about Prince Fanon, Mr. Alexander?

I've already taken care of that. I'm very close to his wife.

This is the BG -30 will gas.

Its use will chemically disable your opposition's will to win.

Thank you.

Our country is indebted to you for all you have done.

We'll look forward to hear from you. Thank you, General Manfang.

Have a pleasant, pleasant voyage.

And you rely on these men?

Oh, yes, they're reliable.

But they're second -rate intellects. I shouldn't have any trouble using their

country as my personal power base.

From there, I can subvert all of Asia.

Where the devil did I put the keys to my sports car?

Is our plan working well, Alexander?

Perfectly. I will conquer the world in no time at all.

Along the way, I will break each of the moral commandments.

It's not bad for a beginner.

You were always a good student.

Well, I owe everything to you. I wouldn't want you to think I'd forgotten

I found this on my bed stand.

Oh, really?

What is it?

An advertisement.

Some place in Arizona called Retirement City. A place where they keep old

people.

Here they are.

Well, it must have come for you in the mail.

I've heard of the place. I understand it's very nice.

Well, I have to change if I'm going to beat the Washington Noontime traffic.

It's almost 1 .30.

I know.

But my husband will be home at any moment.

I know.

He's very punctual, isn't he?

What are you doing here?

I just stopped off to pay my respects to your wife.

I will kill you. No, you won't. You're not suited for it. Don't worry, I won't

tell anyone you're not prince enough to keep your own wife.

What are you trying to do to me?

I'm buying you off.

I'm guaranteeing that...

You will support the junta that will overthrow your new government.

Don't worry.

This is my last visit.

This is the address of Alexander's Washington Health Salon, the Grecian

When's the flight leave?

At two o 'clock this afternoon.

There's something I want to talk to you about concerning the weekend.

Regarding, you know, going to the beach or driving up into the mountains.

Well, I've already forgiven you for that.

But I am going to hold you to our midnight supper.

So... You'll just have to wrap up the Alexander affair in a hurry and get back

here by tonight.

Do you have any place in particular in mind?

Napoleon, where did anybody go for a quiet, romantic, midnight rendezvous?

I should have...

We'll cover you from here.

They'll probably have someone follow you once you come out, so we will have to

keep our distance.

And in there, you'll have to make your story convincing. You might even have to

appear a little critical of us.

Well, it'll be difficult, but I'll try.

What if they won't let me come out?

Then we'll come in.

I'm sure you'll be all right.

I'll be fine.

Good afternoon.

May I help you? I'd like to see Mr. Alexander, please.

Mr. Alexander, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that we have no Mr. Alexander here.

You must have the wrong address.

Well, wherever he is, just tell him that Mrs. Alexander would like to see him.

That's me.

Mr. Arnold, Mr. Prince, and...

Mr. Bruce are available.

You may inform him that I have some very valuable and very expensive information

for him.

Yes, sir.

The girls will show you to room A.

That won't be necessary. Just see that Alexander gets my message.

If anyone wants me, I'll be in room A.

Can Mr. Alexander be reached?

Not at the moment.

You tried to locate him.

Yes, sir.

Now I'm going to step out of my office for a few moments.

You hold all my calls, please.

What are you doing to her?

I did not say give her a beauty treatment.

I thought you were trying to torture me. You're out, out, out. Leave us alone,

out.

I can't say that it's nice to see you again.

Would you hand me my clothes, please?

How did you get out of your tomb?

Well, you see, there was this lamp.

We rubbed it three times. What do you want with Mr. Alexander?

What information do you have?

I'll tell Alexander when I see him.

Ow! Now, would you please turn around?

Are you working for the UNCLE?

The UNCLE? Oh, uncle.

No, there's no profit in that.

All I want to do is make a trade.

Would you turn around, please?

You're so nasty.

I'll tell him what they know about his plans here in Washington, and all he has

to do is give me my settlement.

How do I know I can trust you?

Well, that's just one of the chances you have to take in the espionage business.

Have you heard from Mr. Alexander?

Not yet?

Have them bring my car around the front, please.

Excuse me. Mr. Ingo is in charge of the men's division.

He'll be right with you.

Well, actually, I was looking for... I am Ingo.

Of course.

I know what your problem is.

Is it that easy to tell?

Yes.

Inactivity. All businessmen today suffer from inactivity.

I'll show you.

I'm going to put you on a program of vigorous exercise and give you a diet of

high -vitality organic health food.

I sell some of the best organic health food as a service to my customers.

We must purify your system.

Your blood has been poisoned by impurities. I'll get a chart.

Isn't this a surprise?

We haven't seen each other since the party in Alexandros.

The wife of Prince Phenong, aren't you?

Yes.

Ever since we met in Alexandros, I knew there would be something for us to share

together.

Maybe right.

It's really very stimulating.

Thank you, but I have some friends that are expecting me.

You're not going to leave me all alone and unprotected, are you? Well, I'd like

to help, but I'm a little behind schedule.

Besides, I have the distinct feeling it might be bad for my back.

I'll take it from here.

All right, now just relax and don't... Ah,

Mr. Solo.

Bingo.

Give him the complete workout.

Red, give everyone the afternoon off.

Napoleon, they just boarded the limousine.

I'm going to be busy for a while. You go ahead.

All right, I'll check back with you later.

Please.

What is she doing here? She's supposed to be dead.

A wife's place is by her husband.

Thanks for your concern, just to say. What is she doing here?

She said that she had information that Uncle knows of all your plans.

What information do you have?

It'll cost you a million dollars.

My personal check on the Swiss account.

Now, what do you know?

Oh, that. Well, I know that Uncle is

very upset about what you've been doing, and you're going to get in a lot of

trouble if you don't stop.

And if I were you, I'd stop putting people in tombs.

Are you ever going to learn that money isn't everything?

How do you know she wasn't followed here by an uncle agent? I discovered she

was. She was followed by Solo, but Ingo is taking very good care of him. How do

you know that she wasn't followed here by more than one uncle agent? Well, I

don't know, but you see, I... Avisa, I'm very disappointed in you.

Yes. How did you get out of that, too?

Yes, sir?

Security check.

Yes, sir.

Unauthorized personnel coming across the field. Well, bring him in.

Yes, sir.

Security conditions read.

Coffee, tea, or milk.

Just how much did your organization know of my plans, Mr. Koryakin?

We know enough to stop you.

My advice to you is to quit while you're ahead.

Words to live by.

They don't know anything just enough to waste my valuable time.

Why haven't I heard from Ingo?

No, Ingo can't come to the phone, Alexander.

Mr. Solo, I have something for you to think about.

Here with me, I have both Mr.

Kuryakin and my former wife.

Well, I hope you're all having a good time together. Perhaps I could join you.

The organization had better not interfere with my plans. I'll be forced

them both.

That won't help you, Alexander. May I remind you?

I doubt if that'll help very much, but it will keep you alive a little longer,

Mr. Koryakin. I may need you later for bargaining power.

Call Gamar Haseen.

Now, you go upstairs and prepare yourself. You're going to a reception

tonight. What kind of a reception? Never mind. Just go upstairs. Your gown will

be sent up to you. And just exactly what am I expected to do at this reception?

Just stay as beautiful as you are.

Well, thank you.

And if I go with you, will you promise not to have him killed?

Oh, yes, yes. I'm sure you wouldn't want me to do that.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of you.

And if I don't go, you will kill him? Yes.

Don't leave yourself out.

Oh, well, in that case, I can't think of when I've had a more tempting offer.

You take her upstairs. Make certain you don't lose her. Yes, Mr. Alexander.

I'll be along later.

Mr. Kayvon, I have a surprise for you, a gift.

Yes.

I should do some work.

experiments.

What sort of experiments?

Oh, something will take your mind off of all this unpleasantness.

What sort of experiments?

Come, I will show you.

of Virginia.

You know how far that is?

Have you ever heard of a brotherhood called the Sons of Medea, Mr. Kuljaki?

I've read about it.

It's an obscure Greek brotherhood of fanatics, also known as the Cult of the

Death Wish.

Ah, you have heard of us.

I thought the Sons of Medea was an ancient order long extinct.

You know how it is with cults. I am the...

Only active member left.

In my research, I discovered that a long time ago, members of my

society perfected a process of mummification that was far

better than the Egyptian method.

Mummification?

Mummification. I have been trying to duplicate this process. I've been

at it a very long time.

My odd moments, and I think I... think I am about to get out of it.

That's good.

I have a pet theory, Mr. Kuriani. The way to make a good mummy is to

start the treatment while the subject is still alive.

Well, that's one theory.

Well, it's problematical. I've never had an opportunity before until now.

Now, it will take a few minutes for the solution to soak through to the pores.

Hot?

Yes, thank you.

Well, it will cool very quickly. Please be patient.

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but...

Whose style is this?

It's my design.

Yes, isn't it?

The trick is not to inhale.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing melodramatic, I hope.

I wouldn't dream of it.

Let's wait a while. Why?

My hair.

What's wrong with your hair?

Oh, I don't know. It's just not right.

You recall how vain I am.

I'll be in the powder room. Just be a minute.

All that mud in your hair.

I should have washed it first.

I must say I don't know what to do about Alexander.

He used to listen to my counsel, and now he has changed.

He feels he's outgrown his need for me.

And now for the final step.

I must add more tennis leaves.

Very good for the facial tissue.

You wouldn't strike an old man, would you, Mr. Solo?

I have no respect for science, Mr. Solo.

He'll be out for a while.

What's that?

Oh.

Well,

I suppose I'll just have to find myself a new tailor.

Mr. Alexander, your limousine is waiting outside.

Good. I'll be out in a moment.

Where is Mr. Solo?

Mr. Solo hasn't been delivered yet.

Gamar's taxi cab is waiting outside also. I assumed you had Mr. Solo here

you.

All right, she's in the powder room. Bring her in here.

Security alert.

Solo's on the farm somewhere.

in for time, weren't you? I'm just thorough.

That's... Ow!

Call the barn and tell them to have the plane on the airstrip ready for takeoff

the minute I return.

That's the alarm system.

Where is it?

Up there with Alexander.

Taking crazy with him.

This is the 24 Avenue F. Take the northern route to avoid traffic.

We're being followed.

It's Kamara's taxi cab.

It's probably Mr. Solo.

I doubt if he'll make any overt moves as long as we have our guest here with us.

Code 4.

Clear channels 2 and 3. Washington, D .C.

Washington Control.

You sound suspiciously like New York control.

That's right.

Tell Napoleon that Mr. Waverly let me tag along.

And we'll keep that date here in Washington.

I'll put you through to Mr. Waverly.

Come in, please.

Kuriak in here, sir.

Napoleon and I are following Alexander's limousine.

We're approaching the interchange heading for Washington, D .C.

What is your precise destination?

We don't know yet.

I see.

What do you suggest?

Alexander has a farm in Alexandria, Virginia, which he uses as a base.

You should send some men down there and seal it off.

I hope Mr.

Solo... Joyce is dry.

The embassy's a couple of blocks this way. It's a lovely night for a walk.

That's quite a party.

All right, I'll divert them. You cover me.

Go.

rice ready. Here they come.

it wouldn't last.

Good evening. Good evening.

Good evening.

Where is the president?

He'll come in in a moment.

His Excellency will be beside you on the platform.

Good. How are you?

Only minor voices.

I think we've been decoyed.

Tracy, let's turn direction.

24 Avenue F.

Open Channel D, please.

We're on our way now to 24 Avenue F.

I think we'd better have the reinforcements.

This is the sixth month of the new government under President Singh Mok.

But I'm here to do something far more important than honoring the president.

And so I've broken every law of morality, commandments, if you like.

Except one.

do that, I shall surely be Alexander the Greater.

He's going to kill the president. Number six, thou shalt not kill.

Right,

Mr. Solo.

In just a moment, a cable will arrive at the embassy proclaiming a military

takeover.

I shall be hailed as their savior.

I don't think so, Mr. Alexander.

We arrested the last of the insurrectionists a short while ago.

Naturally, they implicated you.

A new protective vest.

Made by one of your own companies, I believe.

A very fine... Cross my ship.

If you'll please excuse us.

Who's piloting that plane? I don't know.

We thought we had all of Alexander's people.

Well, this has been one of those days.

Would you set the plane on course for the Caribbean?

Thank you for your

help, Mr. K. Barton.

The truth is I saved you for selfish.

What are you talking about?

Do you really think that after all those years of sacrifice and

devotion, using my knowledge, I would

let you exist without me?

You should be grateful for the privilege of sharing in my conquests.

Put that thing down or you'll fall and hurt yourself.

And that was that.

I'm happy to say.

Yes, Jim.

All in all, he gave me a pretty fast three years.

Even if he was a liar and a thief and a murderer of sorts. He was never dull.

And gratuitous.

Well, he missed you most of all.

Now it's time for me to disappear.

I hope you understand.

No, I understand. It's a habit of mine, too.

I've just had confirmation that the BG -30 will gas has been returned to the

army.

Seems everything is in good order.

Beautiful decoration.

What did you get that for?

Will Tracy get her money?

Not for some time.

Alexander's empire will be in litigation for years, I'm afraid.

Sing Muck is a single man, you know.

Yeah, well, I think she'll do rather well.

Cheerio.

Oh, Mr. Solo.

I thought I might find you here.

Yes, well, you're certainly right.

Maud!

Maude, your name is Maude?

Yes. This is my niece, Maude Waverly.

Your niece?

You know, somehow I have this distinct feeling I've been duped here.

I didn't really make any promises or dates, did I?

That's right, Napoleon.

Uncle Alex arranged this entire deception.

Well, with the amount of female traffic you handle, we figured you couldn't keep

them all straight in your mind. What?

I've always been concerned that one day your outside interests would conflict

with your assignment, Mr. Tolo.

So I recruited Maud here to keep those particular energies focused on her.

And keep the rest of your time free for the Alexander affair.

Well, one good affair deserves another.

Cheers.