Original subtitles

Open Channel D, please. Channel D, Slate here.

Mr. Slate.

Any information, sir?

I'm unable to give you any information, Mr. Slate.

We don't know who the criminals are.

They're all kids, sir, just young people.

They're even holding a miniature car race here. It's called the Petit Prix.

Yes, I'm aware of that, Mr. Slate.

But whatever their age, the attempt will still be made.

Where's Miss Dancer?

I'm up in a balloon, sir, over Saint -Jean.

I'm here as part of an advertising campaign.

I am Mademoiselle Petit Prix à votre service.

Well, what's that?

A new bottled drink of some kind?

No, a motor cart race, sir.

Miniature motor carts.

It's very popular with all ages.

Oh, not all ages, Miss Dancer.

Oh, by the way, Mr. Slate is in the crowd there somewhere.

And so is our man from Saint -Jean.

Our contact?

How will I recognize him?

You won't.

Much too dangerous.

Let him recognize you.

Right.

No commercials, please.

Photographer, photographer, where is he?

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Don't move, please, mademoiselle.

That is lovely.

Perfection. Just move the head a little bit more towards

We are being watched.

Meet me at my studio in 10 minutes.

Hey, 15.

Rude as hell.

Such a tragedy.

Such an ill omen.

And at the very beginning of the debris.

Poor, poor Bebe. Lucky, lucky Bebe.

At least he's out of it.

Tourism. Oh, how I love the whole idea.

Is it a powder burn on my collar, my pet?

It is your own fault, Octave.

My own husband promoting all this nonsense.

It brings money into the town, my cabbage.

Lewis, how taxes?

Taxes, taxes, that's all you ever think about, taxes.

Oh, why didn't I listen to my mother?

She told me that you had the soul of a bookkeeper.

And me, me, who could have been a fan, fan dancer?

Oh, go on, go on, Arthur. Go back to your gutter and send your plummy.

Yes, my pet.

Thank you a thousand times.

A million times.

Go on.

Got to get into BB's studio.

Oh, that'll do it.

If BB had some information for us, there must be some of it scattered around his

studio.

Okay, you play the cat burglar. I will continue my undercover role as a waiter.

Sooner or later, the entire world passes through the cafe club drag strip.

Out of sight.

Oh, and keep your eye on the balloon. We may need it.

Yeah, gotta go.

I'm coming.

Please, gentlemen, remember good sportsmanship.

Every year the same.

Son.

Shouting insanity.

Stupid little cows and their idiotic drivers playing a death when they don't

even know how to live.

At their age, I was in the underground, fighting for my country, deleting the

resistance. Life and death take every moment.

I knew what life really meant.

I knew the whereabouts of every agent in France, ours and theirs.

For that matter, I still do.

Not that it does any good.

Madame, there's a great deal of good helping the school.

The school?

Bah! It is a task, this training the youth to serve our belle France.

How does youth know how to serve until one has learned how to fight?

Here.

Take this to Professor Pantelman.

the plan.

Here is Saint -Jean, where we are at the moment.

Along this highway will come this armored truck, an armored truck

with one million dollars in negotiable bills.

Now, at this point, where the highway joins the Route des Alpes, under

the cover and destruction of the Petit Prix, We will, as the

Americans say, stick them up!

Naturally,

we will use machine guns with blank cards.

Once we have successfully finished our mission, we will return

the money. It will prove once and for all...

This course to be the most valuable course in all of France for potential

administrators like yourselves.

And that I, naturally, am still the greatest professor of commando

tactics all over the world.

of a husband of mine is out of sight at last. Oh, you will be careful, my

darling. Nothing must go wrong.

No one must know what we plan.

No one will, my angel.

But once this is over, oh, Dizzy Ray, the thought of your being mine after all

this time.

Yes, yes, yes. Now, were you able to find a bomb?

All my old wartime cunning returns.

I dropped a throat lozenge on the floor of the war museum.

And when the curator bent to pick it up, I grabbed the bomb.

The bomb?

The museum,

the Franco -Prussian War of 1870?

Plato?

That means the bomb is 90 years old.

What good can it be?

But, my darling, in these matters, age makes no difference,

as you should know by now.

Please, Plato, Plato, what if my husband should return?

There is so little time. Plato, you must hurry. Hurry, please. Plato, hurry.

Please hurry.

Yes, hurry.

But after tonight, there will be all the time in the world for us.

Won't there, my darling?

Yes, yes. Now quickly, quickly.

Quickly, quickly.

April Dancer here, sir.

Yes, Miss Dancer, where are you? I just dropped into that photographer's studio,

sir. Thought I might pick up a few clues.

Although, looks like the only thing I'm likely to pick up here is a bunch of

fleas. He wasn't a very good housekeeper.

He wasn't a very good photographer, either.

All I can find here are some passport photos.

Wedding pictures and a graduation of... What an odd exercise, sir.

Skydiving while receiving their diplomas in mid -air.

That's the government school for civil servants.

Famous for their commando training.

Wasn't Baby able to tell you anything before his unfortunate demise, Miss

Dancer?

No, sir.

Only to tilt my head to the left.

Someone's coming, sir. You'll have to excuse me.

Jean, you young fool.

This armament is 90 years old.

It might explode merely by staring at it unkindly, let alone playing handball

with it.

I did not mean to dawdle you, Professor.

Is it still good after 90 years?

Certainly. It is French, is it not?

Amour and armaments.

The twin glories of France.

Marchons, marchons.

Quel sang impur. A private opera.

Nineteen may be, but still a youthful, deathly little instrument of

What are you going to do with it, Professor?

Blow up this building. What else?

Professor, it's a private property.

Now!

After I light it, we will have just sufficient time to escape the building

before the explosion.

Now, perhaps I place it here.

Sorry, girl.

What? Hey, girl.

I'm the model the agency sent over.

Mademoiselle Petty, please.

Aren't you the photographer?

Me? I am Professor Plato Pamplemousse of the École Normale. Do I look like any

photographer, huh?

Ah, this is no camera, my child.

This is a bomb.

A bomb? Yes, a bomb.

No wonder we lost that war.

Uncle Argent in Saint -Jean?

It's that girl, madame.

Mademoiselle Petit Prix.

The girl in the balloon.

And she was coming out of the photography studio with the professor.

With Plato?

Oh, impossible.

They were in disguise as Southern East motorists.

Or Cambodian.

But I recognized them.

Then you must get the girl away from Plato. He talks too much.

And he likes girls far too much.

Hurry,

hurry, hurry.

Uncle would turn up now.

Oh, I must send a signal.

Uncle agent in Saint -Jean?

Somebody knows we're here.

Wait till my union hears about this.

Kidnapping a card -carrying, dues -paid -up, model in good standing.

And insisting I'm a spy.

This is war.

Mademoiselle, I realize between you and me, this is

war.

But between you and Jean, remember Jean.

He's only a boy.

A simple, innocent boy.

Be kind.

Now, I must complete the job at Bebe's. You lock the door

and take full advantage of this opportunity to practice on

a real, live spy.

Nervous, aren't you?

Are you afraid of me?

Certainly not. I am a Frenchman, no?

It's only with the graduation exercises and everything else.

Oh, that.

You know about that?

Is it one million dollars, too?

Naturally.

You intend to hijack it.

How do you know that?

Doesn't everyone?

Come.

Sit by me.

Practice on the spy.

The professor told you you were supposed to take...

full advantage of the opportunity.

Oui, but I do not know how full an advantage he had in mind.

Let's find out.

What now?

Pretend I'm a Bessarabian adventuress.

That you must woo in order to find information for your troops.

We'll start with a kiss.

They always do.

Especially in the beginning.

Who does?

Bessarabians.

Particularly adventuresses.

Don't pucker.

You look like an Italian sewing machine preparing for the drop stitch.

Well, that's the way my mother showed me.

How sweet.

Just relax.

Close your eyes.

And above all, don't think about weightlifting.

Didn't you feel anything?

No, mademoiselle.

Should I?

Ciao, bello.

get away?

You fool! You knuckle!

They've ruined everything!

The armored car will be here within the hour!

Where are my signal flags?

My flags!

My flags!

You are sitting on them!

Yes,

she knows. Oh,

pardon.

Bibi's studio is taken care of. There are now no plans of our caper or

photograph of the armored car for anyone to film. Oh, splendid.

It would have been tragic should they have fallen into law criminal hands. Oh,

you are so clever, Plato.

Yes, but you were right, Desiree.

There are people working against us.

Spies everywhere. One arrived by balloon this morning.

Oh, could it be?

Uncle? Agent?

I never trusted uncle.

They get their money some way. This could be one of the ways.

Poor fools.

What is money when one has love?

After tomorrow, everything will be different. This, my last graduation

will be the greatest and boldest monument a man could ever leave behind.

Why, Jude, I, my darling, will be deep, deep, deep down in the Mato Grosso.

Of course, it will break Octave's heart.

Oh, don't think of Octave.

Our love is the most important thing in the whole world.

Never forget it.

Did you get the aeroplane tickets?

Oh, yes.

Here.

It took my life savings, but yes, and in your name, as you said. So I cannot

understand why you cannot travel as Madame Pamplemousse.

Oh, darling, you know there isn't time to re -initial my luggage.

I sometimes wonder, though, about the future, what we will live on in the Mato

Grosso.

Don't worry, my dear. Your future is one future I never worry about.

Such faith.

I'll keep these.

Such faith will go down to eternity. Oh, yes.

Now, the sooner we get it over with, the sooner we can be together. We'll go

down to eternity. To eternity.

To eternity. Oh, yes.

To eternity.

April, can you hear me?

April, where are you? Are you all right?

I'm all right. Why?

They're on to you. They know you're an uncle agent.

I know.

I've already been kidnapped once.

April?

April?

Excuse me, mademoiselle.

I mocked up death.

It is because of Professor Pampelmus I'm appealing to you, Miss Uncle Agent.

What do you intend to do?

Me do?

You know, Plato's attempting to hijack the American armed convoy of one million

dollars. He can't get away with it, of course, poor foolish man.

And if he doesn't spend the rest of his life in jail, at the very least, he will

spend it in a restroom under heavy guard.

Mark, considering his general attitude toward life, of the bombs and all that,

mightn't it be the kindest way?

No, no, you don't understand. You see, my wife, Desiree, has fallen

in love with Pompey Moose.

In fact, the conclusion of this graduation exercise, they intend to

Naturally, they can't elope if Plato, with his criminal hijacking nonsense, is

caught by police.

You want them to elope?

Yes, Miss Dancer.

Yes.

The very thought of 30 more years of Desiree would drive me to a madhouse.

My only chance to get rid of her is to leave Plato free to carry her off.

We must keep Plato from robbing that convoy. You must help me.

You must help me.

That waiter is an uncle agent also?

Yes, madame. There are two.

His name?

Slate. Mark Slate.

Mark Slate. Slate. Mark Slate. I don't understand it. Two agents for one job.

What's his uncle coming to? In the resistance, we never sent out more than

operative at a time. Such a waste of money.

Maybe he must be ruling in it these days.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Here we are. Slate.

Mark. Age, markmanship, war, efficiency, talent. Does a bit of everything,

doesn't he?

Accomplished aerialist.

Aerialist. The very thing.

Just what we need. An aerialist.

Especially accomplished.

Yes, sir.

Here on the other side.

This side over here? That is correct, my boy.

Now, take this sign.

I put this one here.

Right. You did it.

Yes,

meanwhile, nail it here first here, and then meanwhile, while the birds are

singing, I put this over here.

Put it right in the middle.

That is correct.

Nail it there. Nail it there like that. Yes, my boy. Yes, yes.

Monsieur. Monsieur.

Is there a quelque chose, madame? Can I help you?

Oh, you may.

Get in that. I'm fast.

You are the uncle agent?

You are a slave?

You will come with me, monsieur, because you and you alone can assist me.

Please, please, don't give me any trouble.

Quickly, into the balloon.

Quickly.

Quickly, untie the rope.

Hurry, he is regaining consciousness.

Now, which way is La Route des Alpes and the one million dollars?

Splendid, my boys, splendid.

Everything seems to work out marvelously.

Very soon, the armored car will be coming along this road.

Professor, can you detour an armored truck this way?

I mean, it's too large, and the road is too small. Well, there'll be an

accident.

Yes, perhaps.

Small little war or nothing fatal, I assure you. Anyway, this road will lead

them straight into our hands.

Then we pop out of the bushes heavily armed and hold them up.

They will be our mercy and so will be one million dollars.

Well, anyway, come on.

Let's go. We still have lots of things to do. I want the entire class hidden

with submachine guns at the bend of the road.

Madame.

Who are you? Where are we? We are heading, monsieur, for the junction of

Route des Alpes, which should be slightly to our left. I have important

there. Now, as I told you, I need your cooperation.

La Route des... The highway?

It's not to our left, it's to our right, dear.

Miss, you want to turn around and face the other direction?

Well, it should be to our left.

That is why I need you, monsieur, to turn this thing around and get us going

the correct direction.

Me turn it round?

How? Come, come, monsieur. I know very well that you are an uncle agent and

you are an accomplished aerialist.

Now, you will make haste, monsieur, to get us on the correct course.

Yeah, I was an aerialist in the circus.

Circus?

You're kidding.

This is a blog.

Yeah, it's not a blog. It's a blooming disaster.

Help!

It

is

coming.

Time to activate phase two.

One, two, new...

There is play to the old fool.

There.

And here comes the armored truck. Not ten minutes away.

We see.

Wait a minute.

That truck's not only armored, it's armed.

And those guns will be used.

This is madness. What's the professor thinking of?

One million dollars and my wife.

Miss Dancer, if we are going to prevent a tragedy, we must act.

While I reconnoiter what Plato and his graduating class are up to, would you

make sure that nobody passes by this way?

All right.

to the highway and hover.

Madame, I don't even know how to make this thing go up and down.

Do something.

What?

Oops, the paper.

Throw out the ballast. The what?

Sandbags. We don't have any.

Channel D, Slate here.

Mark, where are you?

I'm up in your balloon. I'm coming down fast.

It's the pace of social life on the Riviera. It really keeps you high.

Good grief. What in the world did you do?

I pulled this little red thing.

Well, let go of it.

Now pull the white cord.

That turns up the burners.

This white string?

So it does. It's really quite simple.

Now hurry.

The armored truck is almost here.

Oh, I am afraid you must disappoint the young lady, Mr. Slate.

I will take over from here.

Hey, what did you do to me in that attic, mademoiselle, huh?

Changed your entire life, eh?

It's about time, too.

I kissed you.

Ah, you hit me.

Hey, what are you doing over here?

Have you come to try and stop us and turn us into the police?

No, but I should.

Honestly, Joe, don't you think this whole thing's a bit silly?

Crowned men trying to steal a million dollars.

We kept an exact idea of every move.

And all will be turned over to the school board of governors and the

including the money.

And the professor, well, he'll explain everything.

Not if he isn't here.

Of course he'd be here. Where else would he be?

Eloping with the dean's wife.

Eloping? Oh, that's untrue.

Who told you such a monstrous lie?

The dean.

And the professor might also elope with the money.

But he... Oh, he could not.

I mean, that's why the dean is here this afternoon.

To prove that we have finished the exercise where we hand over the money to

dean. To the dean?

Uh -huh.

Why?

So he can grade our performance and observe and end time our escape.

Harvey Dean is meeting us the moment we collect the money.

You see, the whole thing has worked out to the last second.

Ah, you'll see.

Open channel D.

Open channel D.

Waverly here.

Yes, what's happening?

Oh, everything's gone mad here, sir. Send soldiers, send the police, send

something. It's the students that are heisting the million dollars.

Come along, students.

Submachine guns are ready.

All right, class.

Now, advance.

And firing.

Just like that.

Down,

down. Down.

Come back, everyone.

Head back.

Put your hands in the air. On top of your head.

See your car, but they tell you the most brilliant exercise in history.

Get the money.

Get the money, but don't hurt the man.

How easy, how simple, huh? And no one cares.

Get him out of here.

Now then, all of you, the money, to the balloon, and hurry.

Do as she tells you.

Hurry with that money.

Step out, Desiree. Give them room.

Octave, what are you doing?

The exercise is over.

Only for you, my dear colleague.

Octave, now don't point the gun at the student body.

You know how bad your aim is.

Exactly. And I hope they remember. This gun may go off at any moment.

Now back up. Back up, all of you. And if you move, I will make you full of

holes.

Jeanne, put the rest of this money into the balloon.

Désirée, what are you doing to our love?

Have you only been toying with me all this time?

Toying? I couldn't even do that, mon chéri.

Your spring was broken years ago.

Come on, Lockhart, father. We don't want to be took rid of.

go after them.

Not here. This way. This way.

That's it.

Balloon. Balloon.

Balloon. Balloon.

Mademoiselle, look.

It's a Coney Island Red Hot, yes?

Yes. Where did you get that? Certainly not in a French cafe.

It's a new gimmick.

Shipped in Delhi from the States. Every month without an hour.

Oh, Evelyn.

I cannot bear the thought of you leaving.

Of my losing you.

Oh, we have so much in common.

Karate, commando training, Desiree being adventurous.

Tell me, Madame Desiree, what have they done with her?

Oh, she ended up being a great war heroine as always.

Yes, the state is paying for her psychoanalysis.

And her husband?

Oh, well, he is confined, of course, but after winning the petite prix.

Well, a national hero it won't be for long.

Time to go, my dear.

Oh, well.

Yes, sir.

Voilà, professeur. Est -ce que tout va bien?

Merci bien, ma petite. I'm all right. I start my analysis tomorrow.

They seem to think that my penchant for disguising myself is unhealthy, somehow

strange of life.

During the war, had I not dressed 14 Allied flyers as the entire chorus line

the Polybergien, they would have all been shot.

So times change.

Yesterday, Légion d 'honneur.

Today, psychotherapy.

Come, Jean.

I'm pretty about that balloon, isn't it?

I've gone quite fond of it.

Oh, it was such a lonely little thing.

Well, any balloon with a million dollars is bound to find someone to appreciate

it. A million dollars is a thing of the past, Mr. Slate. Lost in a storm over

the Canaries.

Recovered almost none of it.

And the balloon?

Oh, it's still out there somewhere, I'm sure.

Where, I wonder?

I must answer heaven, of course.

Shall we go?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0