Original subtitles

Observe closely, please.

What will happen to the little mice, sir? Oh, curb your sympathy, Miss

These particular specimens of the genera muridae will return to perfect health

within the hour.

Now, listen to this.

Sounds like Lars.

Precisely. A fast -reacting silica -based neutralizer.

There's also a charge of the same silicon gas in this rather attractive

costume jewelry.

You'll be the first to put it to practical use.

Now, this is your next assignment, Mr. Arthur.

The laboratory report doesn't tell us much.

We'll get more from the letter itself.

May I, sir?

Cheap pipe and dime paper, no lead.

Mr. Waverly, you will shortly witness the prodigious feat of human strength

power.

I will contact you again, Toulouse.

Now, Strike, take it now.

Yes, Dr. Toulouse.

And here is the letter you will deliver.

As you say, sir.

Remember, speed is of the essence.

Vladimir Toulouse, the world's foremost authority on nutrition.

He disappeared about five years ago.

At that time, he was said to have discovered a vitamin formula that would

in all that he says in the letter.

In other words, making Superman.

Ah, my vitamin Q formula seems to be taking effect.

Soon you will assert human strength.

I can feel it. I will not fail, Doctor.

We'll stop around the corner.

You fool, don't waste the pill.

I forgot.

And remember, that wall is just brick and concrete.

And do not kill unnecessarily. You know how I deplore violence.

Mr. Waverly?

Kind of your recall.

Let me present Miss Dancer.

Any friend of Mr.

Waverly's is a friend of mine.

Oh, what hit me?

You might say a creation of that crank who wrote the letter. He did it? The

whole headquarters looks like an earthquake hit us. Get him over to the

section.

Be careful. Don't break it.

The doll he had on him.

Too loose again.

Tell him it may concern.

I have now demonstrated what one of my men can do. Would you like to stop an

army of them?

The price is five million dollars.

I will let you know where to bring the money.

You mind having a bit of doctor for that?

We're doing what we can, Mr. Waverly.

Sir?

We've checked the lavender cars, the kind that was observed out front.

There are only two in the area.

One has been in storage for the past six months.

and the others owned by Nadia Makulesko, 765 Park Lane.

We said we represented the advertising agency on the manufacturer's account,

surveying car performance and so on.

Use the same cover, Mr. Slade, and check on the Makulesko woman.

All right, sir.

He's dead.

Oh, your new gas didn't kill him.

He died of exhaustion.

Anoxia of the heart muscle caused ventricular fibrillation, terminating

arrest.

Yes. And in lay terms, that means?

Preliminary lab, dead man's central nervous system contained a serum derived

from high -density protein.

And that activated his inhuman speed and strength.

Five million dollars.

Rather an exorbitant price for a pep pill, wouldn't you think, Miss Dancer?

Sorry. You're not the one I was expecting.

Oh, I'm a bit sorry about that myself.

Oh. Never mind.

I have a problem, you know. Well, if problems go, yours isn't bad.

I am always over -affectionate with people I don't even know.

Oh? You see, it's my vision.

It's, uh, how you say, fuzzy.

Sigmund, he's my psychiatrist, insists...

that I should not wear glasses.

Oh, good for a big one.

Myopic vision can be terrible handicap.

Oh.

Do come in, sweetheart.

We represent the... You were expecting maybe to sell me some magazine

subscriptions? Good.

I'll buy them. Now, we can progress to more important matters.

Sit down.

Specialty of the house.

Deep dish martini.

Oh.

You may call me Nadja.

Oh, I'm Cyril Bliss, Nadja.

Oh, how nice for you.

Thank you. We've come about your motor car. We are investigating performance

here in the United States.

What a bore.

Do you use your motor car often?

I don't drive.

Oh, who does the driving?

My very, very good friend, Dr. Toulouse.

Oh, well, perhaps I'd better see Mr.

Toulouse. Perhaps you'd better talk to Sigmund, my psychiatrist.

When does Toulouse get home?

I don't know, sweetheart, but you will wait. Oh, yes.

I know.

Percy and I will keep you company.

Wait. Percy!

Oh, Percy, sweetheart!

Wait till you meet Percy.

Oh, darling.

Percy, this is Cyril.

Oh, look how he takes to you. He's not that way with everybody.

Usually he fights.

Usually.

Until Toulouse comes, I think perhaps you'd better thing or

whistle or something.

Cement good friendship.

Percy is mad for music.

Percy! Fantastic coincidence.

He's singing our song.

Percy, just one martini before dinner.

It stimulates his appetite.

Doctor, now.

Too loose.

Will you get that thing out of here?

You know how I feel about pets in the living room.

Percy.

No matter what Sigmund says, I must get those glasses.

I trust Roger managed to keep you entertained.

Oh, but of course, darling.

How else could I keep him here?

The limousine people were here checking on our car this morning. And now dear

sweet Cyril shows up this afternoon.

I thought you might like to ask him how come twice in one day.

Twice in one day.

Start packing.

We leave.

Do nothing sudden.

I've been conditioned.

I am familiar with Uncle Ingenuity.

I am Toulouse. Yeah, I had rather assumed that.

You are Slate.

Your partner is the girl April Dancer.

You are not violating security. I would appreciate a first -hand report on Jan

Streich's assignment.

It was, let us say, a sales demonstration.

Well, I'd say it made quite an impression until it backfired.

Jan is dead.

Definitely.

Unfortunately, in order to ensure a maximum sales impact, I had to

A massive dose of my vitamin Q formula.

Poor Jan.

Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

Havoc and mayhem.

Mr. Shakespeare's Julius Caesar Act III indicates mission accomplished.

I would enjoy discussing literature further with you, Mr. Slate.

But business first, I fear.

Pity. In my line of endeavor, one only meets the plebeian. And now,

when I have the true aristocrat in my presence, all I can offer him is the

chance to be a guinea pig.

A nice view to drop in, Miss Dancer.

The festivities are about to commence.

Albert?

We must have a party, sweetheart.

Nadja, Nadja, search the girl.

Oh, and that rather decorative piece.

Now, Mr.

Slate.

Ah, no.

First Reich, now me?

I take it that's the little item you want to sell.

Isn't the price a bit exorbitant?

Unfortunately, my overhead is rather high.

Now, can you guess the nature of this little test?

I take the pill? Mm -hmm.

And then?

And then you will engage this gentleman in mortal combat.

This tablet is a modified formula of my vitamin Q. In theory, you

should acquire superhuman power for a short time. A man with a strength of

Take it.

Thank you very much.

Take it now.

Would you feel self -conscious if I watched?

Be my guest.

Sorry, my bloodthirsty pushcat, but we have a plane waiting for the Isle of

Mulan.

If it is any consolation, I have complete faith that you shall emerge the

victor, in which case... We will meet again on the Isle of Mulan when you

deliver the five million dollars.

But if something should go wrong, Miss Dancer no doubt can take over the

assignment.

Miss Dancer is not to be harmed.

Unduly.

Understand?

What's the matter? Isn't it working?

You're joking.

One quarter of the tablet will give me enough strength for two and a half

people.

champion. Open channel H for heart, please.

What's the matter?

I want to find out what's in the tablet.

Why? Are you suffering from after effects?

No, nothing yet.

Waverly, yeah?

Yes, sir. April Dancer.

I was calling about the tablet that we sent for the lab analysis.

Negative.

Our lab couldn't break down the elements of the tablet.

But whatever it is, the source of vitamin Q must be destroyed.

What if that's not possible?

Well, there's an alternative.

Five million dollars has already been delivered by courier to our Moulin drop.

Be sure to check in with our Moulin contact at the souvenir shop the moment

arrive. Are we giving up, sir?

Well, we can't afford to have the formula and the tablets fall into the

thrush.

So, uh...

Well, you have about 30 hours.

Now, if you fail, give Toulouse the five million.

Yes, sir.

Hey, turista! Over here.

Come here.

What do you do for me?

Me, I'm Chico. I work for boss.

Oh, where is your boss, Chico?

Oh, he's not here today.

Me, I'm good salesman, though. What do you need?

Nothing. Nice.

B, C, or Paris dress.

Ah, look, nice color.

Hey, how you like other stuff on the counter, huh?

When did you last see your boss?

Oh, it's, um, not seen a long time.

I got it on the ground.

You know what? I run Chico Tour, sir. How about I take you through a nice,

-class trip? I take you through all the dance of iniquity and moolah. It's very

cheap. One crown each. I'm sure. I'm sure.

Uh, boo.

April?

Open Channel H, hot.

Channel H, hot.

Channel H, yes.

Waverly speaking.

Bad news, sir. Scratch our man in Mulan.

He's the third uncle agent this month.

Did you find the cashier's draft for the five million dollars?

No, sir, not yet.

Could be in the hands of Thrush by now.

Along with the vitamin Q formula.

Now listen.

Our latest information is that Thrush's interest is centered in Toulouse's

Paradise Palace.

Don't touch that.

Because no way. It's made electric shock.

Can't climb over that because you have to climb over the tree over the fence.

I used to be cat burglar.

Well, maybe only a pussy cat.

I was only nine.

Come on, you follow me up, okay? Chico, this is as far as you go. We'll take

over from here. Come down.

Oh, Nova, wait. I want to help, too.

Oh, now, look, love.

If you go with us, who's going to mind the store?

Remember, you're the new boss man, huh?

You've got to carry on.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's right.

I got to go carry on.

Yeah, I go see you.

Carry on.

Give me a bag.

Oh, well.

Attention, security three.

Bogie in area one -five.

Bogie in area one -five.

All right, guards.

Attention.

Now, each will take her vitamin Q booster.

One to a customer.

Two might make you too healthy.

Now.

Vitamin Q.

Consume.

Good. All right. Your instructions are the same.

When you seize these intruders, whomever they may be, you do not ask

questions. You do not waste time. You just... Kill them.

Kill them.

Some kind of electronic warning system planted around here.

Planted is right.

Have a look.

What's this?

Voila!

That'll set them up.

Someone must be over 90 years old.

Do you suppose they're taking Dr. Toulouse's pep pills?

Vitamin Q in small doses.

Those tablets you gave Stryker are too strong for the central nervous system.

What about that quarter tablet I took?

What about it?

Well?

Quite a powerhouse there for a few minutes.

I am quite a powerhouse.

Those people are addicted.

I would say Toulouse wants to keep him here at fantastic prices to help support

his project.

Hey, you two should be out exercising here.

Hey, you're a stranger.

You've been here before. Get that young face. Why, are you young?

Dr. Toulouse says you have to have a long stretch of treatments to reach your

style.

You really are young.

So are you, young lady.

But if I keep staying here, I'm going to be young when I'm 97.

What are you hiding from?

I am April, and this is Mark.

Oh, hi, April. Hi, Mark.

They call me Madam Bloor, but you're a cute little fluff, aren't you? May I be

perfectly honest with you?

Dollface, I used to run the biggest book on the West Coast, and I've seen them

all, cons and marks, dips, booters, Chicago shoves, now you name it, and I

beat them all.

How do you figure I can afford two yards a day for this trap, huh?

I can spot a muzzler every trip, so, uh, yeah.

Be honest.

We are investigating Dr.

Toulouse.

Oh, boy, I didn't take you for fuzz.

My background don't include too much rapport with the cops.

Dr. Toulouse had one of his own men murdered in our headquarters, Madame

His name was Hans Streich.

Little Hansi?

Well, I wouldn't put it past Toulouse.

Toulouse has got them turned on with those blasts he hands out. They're

than ours.

Here's my room key.

This might come in handy, huh?

We better split up. One of us might make it. Right.

See you all soon.

I think you need a sedative.

Sure gave you a run for your money, babe.

Easy on that one.

Dr. Lewis might like her for that little game he loves to play.

Big box.

Two against one.

Big box.

Miss Dancer, where is the five million dollars you brought with you?

I don't know.

Hey, did you ever do any painting?

Not you, too.

Why does everybody insist on asking me that same question time and time again?

Never mind.

Where is the money?

How much did Thrush offer to pay you for your vitamin Q formula?

Four million. I want five.

Why? I need it.

Desperately.

Every dollar I can get to continue my research into the chemistry of synthetic

diets. Do you realize, Miss Dancer, that in less than 100 years,

the world will be starving?

synthetic foods and vitamin research are the answers, the only answers.

No matter who dies in the process, like your friend, Strike.

Mind, my thousand or unimportant Strike was a martyr for a

glorious cause.

And I?

A martyr. You.

Isn't the reason you get to be a martyr?

In fact, there is every good reason why a pretty girl like you should

live and enjoy life.

What's happening, sweetheart?

Is the girl from uncle turning you into a weakling?

Perhaps you need some of your own vitamin Q to give you strength?

Quiet now, Joan.

Only a suggestion, sweetheart.

By now, you've usually started your little pinball game. One

more word, Marcia, and you two will be in the game.

Now, Miss Dancer, I know that five million

dollars... were drawn from a Swiss bank and delivered to your man in

Moulin.

He's dead.

Unfortunately, he, too, refused to talk.

But I'm sure you know where the money is hidden.

Now, for the last time, Miss Dancer, where is the five

million dollars?

Which uncle sent here to pay me for my formula? I don't know!

Oh, forgot my blasted key again.

Madam Bloor.

I'll be back in a minute with your tranquilizer. Would you remain in your

please?

You know I will. Don't I always mind you, dear?

And...

I didn't go to school just to eat my lunch, boy. I figured you was here.

Oh, you and Dollface are really kicking up a fuss.

Madam Bloy, I need your help.

Shoot, you're faded.

I want you to take me to the storeroom for vitamin Q.

All the patients here are addicted and I need to find the antidote.

Well, what on earth for?

Everybody's happy, getting younger, sowing a new batch of wild oats.

Gee, I had a lot of plans when I'm 97, you know, boy.

I'm sorry, but we're going to have to try and destroy Toulouse's manufacturing

plant.

If we don't, he's going to sell the drug to enemy agents.

Well, so what?

Maybe it'd be good for the world. Everybody'd be happy for a change.

For the first time, I should say.

No, you don't understand.

To lose is a much more potent formula than the one he gives you.

It turns ordinary people into destructive monsters.

Like your friend Strike.

He did that to Strike?

Well,

there's enough monsters already.

Well, even at 200 bucks a day, it was a ball while it lasted.

Well, we got to play it cool, boy, now. How are we going to get you out of here?

Come along, Emily. Come along, dear.

Suspect located in area 9B.

Repeat. Suspect located in area 9B.

I will return shortly.

And we'll start our little...

Find this stuff. I don't even know where to start looking.

A good doctor always labels everything. At least we know to lose with a good

doctor. Well, what are we looking for? Vitamin Q?

That's what I'm looking for.

I'd be grateful if you'd look for Miss Dancer. Who?

The girl I came in with.

Oh, Kid Little Fluff? Sure thing, sport.

Well, I don't know where to start, but I'll look.

I suspect now seems to be an area 13C.

The storage room.

That makes it quite simple for you, doesn't it sweetheart?

becomes more and more intriguing with each new uncle agent. Am I getting

to you, Mr. Slate?

I'm still a little foggy.

You have my sympathy, Mr.

Slate. And now let's get back to our little game.

What game?

It's called Button, Button. Who's got the button?

Five million buttons, to be exact.

Ah, the money.

I see.

You do not wish to cooperate.

Very well.

It's fun and game time.

I think you'll get quite a bang out of this little game.

This is one time I wish I weren't sticking my neck out.

Here, here, Mr.

Slate. This game is in some ways quite similar to pinball.

You are familiar with pinball machines. They do have them in England.

I am familiar with pinball machines.

Good. As you know, the object in pinball machines is to

bounce the ball off these little...

Rubber pegs in order to rack up a high score.

Guess what you will be

in this little game.

I know I'm supposed to be the peg, but what is it you're going to bounce off

These, Mr. Slade.

Simply to avoid being hit by one of the robots.

Now that is the game.

Avoid the robots.

You learn fast.

Naturally, there must be some reason for avoiding the little monsters.

Naturally. Naturally?

Why?

Quite simple, Miss Dancer.

Each one is a walking bomb.

If one of them hits you, boom, you lose.

I don't like this game.

Ready?

Here they come.

Are you ordering me?

Yes, that's right. I'm ordering you, you fool.

We're taking over now.

Who? Who's we?

Thrush.

Sweetheart.

I intend to take that formula for Thrush, but for free.

And the five million dollars which Uncle planned to pay to you, well...

Be careful.

Toulouse's little friends are still activated.

Oh, I wouldn't breathe too hard, Miss Dancer.

And a sneeze could prove fatal.

Well, well.

At last, I get a chance to get a good look at my favorite uncle agent.

Oh, much better than I expected.

Really quite handsome.

You really do have my all big vision, don't you?

Oh, yes. This is for real.

The rest, my... accent and my love for Toulouse, etc., etc., etc.

Just an act.

You'll never get away with this, not just... Guard, keep him quiet.

Now, Miss Lancer, you do know why I saved you, at least temporarily, from

little monsters, don't you?

Come on.

Where's the money?

I haven't the clue.

You don't honestly believe that I would allow to lose his little friends to get

this close if I did?

You'll tell me, Miss Dancer.

I have my ways of finding out.

Mr. Slate, if you can bear it, you may watch while I persuade this one to tell

me all about the money.

Rabbit?

Rabbit, you know what to do with him.

Guards, I want you to take these two to the persuasion room.

Now watch out.

Don't touch the robots.

Goodie.

I'll see you at the club.

to lose.

What's that?

That's too loose.

I'm afraid he's lost his head.

I think it's absolutely tacky of Mr. Waverly not to let us go home until

located that traveler's check.

Five million dollars.

It's pretty hard to lose, no? It's hard to lose, no. It's hard to find, yes.

If you were five million dollars, where would you be?

On this load of rubbish, that's for sure.

Traveller's cheque.

Cheque.

Wait a minute.

That's it.

What?

Poe. Poe what? Poe who?

Edgar Allan Poe. The Proloy letter.

People always overlook the obvious.

Cheque. Cheque?

Cheque.

Remarkable. Always be there all the time.

All the time.

Mark, do you realize this is almost as good as cash?

There's not a bank in the world that wouldn't honor this.

With anyone's signature.

April, what would Mr. Waverly say?

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