All language subtitles for The Girl From UNCLE s01e13 The Little John Doe Affair

Thank you.

Say cheese.

Cheese.

His name was Georgie Franks, alias Rico
Mantovani.

Second -rate, rather talentless
racketeer of the old Fortuna gang out of

Chicago. How was he killed, sir?

Oh, I think it's reasonably safe to
assume that that iceberg protruding from

right ear did the trick, Mr. Slate.

I'm sorry, sir.

I think I'm still a little groggy.

If you'd paid more careful attention to
your instructions, Mr. Slate, you

wouldn't be feeling groggy, Mr. Slate.

Yes, sir.

By whom was Mr. Mantovani killed, sir?

Next, please.

A little man Miss Dancer photographed in
the theater, seated directly behind

Georgie Franks.

He looks more like a notary public than
a killer.

Yes, well, that notary public happens to
be known in the underworld as Little

John Doe.

Murder Incorporated's number one
assassin.

personally responsible for killing quite
a large number of men.

I thought Murder Incorporated was
defunct, sir.

Shh. Please be quiet.

Officially, yes.

Unofficially, it still exists.

Phil, I took a little job at the hotel
just around from the last, sir. They'll

pipe it in on your line.

Thank you.

Put Miss Darcy's film on number two
projector, please.

Do you like my outfit, sir?

Well, adequate, I suppose.

You have had secretarial experience,
Miss Dancer?

Oh, yes, yes, sir.

Shorthand, 180 words per minute.

Typing, 90 words per minute.

A good secretary is expected to do more
than typing and shorthand.

Secretary.

Mr. Slate.

Sir. You will be totally informed of
each and every move of Miss Dancer's

mission in good time.

Yes, sir.

Repeat with the film.

After the incident at the theater, I
followed Little John to the Hotel

on 13th Street.

The hotel clerk gave him two manila
envelopes.

A close -up, please.

The first envelope, obviously a $10 ,000
payment for services rendered.

For his work on Georgie Franks.

Proceed.

That's fine.

Do you recognize him?

I think it's Joey Celesti.

Well, now, do you think or do you know?

Yes, it's Joey Celesti.

Well known in the underworld as a...
freelance gangster.

Freelance gangster?

Yes, before Joey Celeste was sentenced,
he never belonged to any organized mob

or syndicate.

As a matter of fact, he's been known to
beat Cosa Nostra at their own game.

Correct?

Other lights, please.

Have travel arrangements made
immediately for Miss Dancer to Rome.

April Dancer.

Literary secretary to Joey Celeste.

How about that?

How about what?

How about you, Miss lovely Uncle Agent,
here and wrong to protect me? I just

can't believe it. So prim and proper and
Protestant -like.

Mr. Celeste, I feel I must warn you.

You're right, Princess.

They work fast.

We'll have to play it by ear till he
makes his move.

What do you suggest?

That we ad lib it for a while.

Like a honeymoon couple.

You are beautiful.

So are you.

Open channel D, Denver.

The, uh, Iceman cometh, sir.

Oh. Well, you'll be on your own, Miss
Dancer.

We, uh, we can't put a tail on the
Iceman for fear of raising suspicion.

I suggest you better get on with the
memoirs.

Quickly.

Yes, sir. Over and out.

Memoirs.

That's a very nice word for it.

Memoirs? Or is it just a cop out to
Uncle before they put me away?

Oh, no, I think you're misinterpreting.

Memoirs of Joey Cialetti.

The kid voted most likely to succeed in
every pool room on Mulberry Street.

Memoirs? What, beating hoodlums at their
own game?

Knowing that every wheel in the
underworld has bidding for my head and

sooner or later one of them will get it?

Isn't... Isn't that a rather negative
attitude, Mr. Teresi?

Just a practical one, Princess.

I must ask you to forgive me for looking
at you, but I simply cannot believe

what I see.

I believe we should continue our
business, please.

Please.

Memoirs of Joey Celeste.

I spent three years looking at the
tired, empty faces of losers.

Then it happens.

You're free.

Well, dinner is on its way up, Princess.

Antipasto, roast chicken, and a nice
bottle of Chianti, okay?

Oh.

Are you beginning to trust me?

Mr. Celesti, do you quite realize that
your life may be on the line?

Ah,

Princess, my life has been on the line
since I was 12.

And I'm ashamed of you for thinking what
you're thinking.

Do I look like the type that would try
to take advantage of you?

Yes.

Do you really think that I would try to
take advantage of you?

Mm -hmm.

You're right, Princess.

But I won't. I have the same hang -ups
as you.

Middle -class morality.

I'm plagued with it.

Si.

Signore, il cameriere.

Princess, the waiter's here with our
dinner.

Okay, coming.

Entrare, cameriere.

Grazie, signore. But first, I fix the
table nice.

For the señorina, eh? Sí?

Sí. Sí.

And this chicken, we fly him in from
Bologna.

Nothing is too good for El Signore.

Buonasera, signorina.

I hope you enjoy your dinner.

Thank you.

Grazie.

Oh, signore, that's too much.

Oh, you are too kind.

Too much.

Good digestion.

Thank you.

Now, let us pray that our man makes a
bad move soon so that we can spot him.

I already have.

Have what?

Spotted him.

Don't be alarmed, Mr. Celesti.

But the little man is in the room across
the courtyard.

Oh, and, uh...

What is the little man doing?

He has in his possession a rather
dangerous weapon.

I believe it's called a gun.

Oh, I see.

And what is he doing with the so -called
gun?

He's putting it together so that he
might kill you.

Not very nice of him.

How's your antipasto?

Fine.

How's yours?

Fine, thank you.

Chicken is absolutely out of its head,
Princess.

Nothing wrong?

C3H5ON02.

Glycerotronitrate.

Nitroglycerin.

A bomb, Mr. Celesti.

With enough nitro to blow off both our
heads.

Hardly seems fair, does it?

The chicken may be all right.

But I wouldn't touch the dressing.

I think I'm beginning to lose my
appetite.

The nitro dressing is set to go off at
exactly nine o 'clock.

Now listen very carefully.

I'm all ears.

Our little friend.

I don't believe that he'll shoot you.

Well, that's good.

Unless the bomb doesn't explode.

That's bad.

Which it won't, I hope.

It won't.

No. Why won't it?

Because, with a little luck, I shall be
able to cut the wires from the timing

mechanism.

Then, uh, get lucky, Princess.

By all means, get lucky.

More pepperoni, please.

You're beautiful.

Thank you.

Shall I take care of him now?

That would be a splendid idea.

But not until I give you the signal.

Capisce?

You're running the show, Princess.

You're a very alert little literary
secretary, Princess.

Thank you, I try.

Have you fixed the chicken yet?

Having a little difficulty getting it
out without being conspicuous.

That's bad.

Don't worry.

I'll try not to.

Now, shall we continue with your
memoirs, Mr. Celesti?

I only agreed to this cop -out if Uncle
would guarantee me absolute protection

for the rest of my normal life.

Have you ever led a normal life, Mr.
Celestia?

Come to think of it, no.

Then don't ask the impossible.

We're trying the best we can.

I apologize.

Now, tell me about the worldwide
syndicate control.

Well, for openers, it all begins with...
One little man in one little fix -it

shop in Perth Amboy, New Jersey.

And what does this little man fix in his
little fix -it shop?

Little fights, basketball games, little
elections, little

wars, little things like that.

Some people have the strangest hobbies.

Yes, well, that's the way the world is,
Princess.

Just one big lousy hustle.

Do you really believe the world is all
that ugly?

Mine is.

Hello.

overseas operator, I have a person -to
-person call for a Mr. John Doe from

White Plains, New York.

This is he.

One moment, please.

I'll connect you.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Go ahead, please.

Emily? Hello, darling. How are you?

Homesick, Emily. Very homesick.

Well, if everything goes on schedule,
I'll take a plane out Saturday night.

I should be home in time for services on
Sunday.

How are the children?

Wonderful. Paul's at Little League.

Little League?

Oh, yes, I forgot about the time change.

And the baby's all over her diaper rash,
and Junior's all over chocolate

frosting.

How's everything going?

The contract should be finalized very
shortly.

Look, I've got to get back to work now,
dear. I'll phone you when I'm through.

Bless you, dear.

Bless you, too.

Is there any way we can

speed it up a bit, Princess?

It takes time.

Yes, well, we don't have very much of
that, sweetheart.

Of what?

Time, my dear Princess, time.

Oh.

Mr. Celeste?

Yes?

Speaking of time, I think it's about
time you did something.

What is it that you would like me to do,
Princess?

Start praying.

Praying very hard.

Ready. Set.

Go.

In prairie, camaraderie.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I
don't know.

Yeah? Who is it?

Excuse me.

Why is she always running?

Oh, my God!

What's going on? Oh, my God!

Hurry, hurry!

Call the police!

Get to the fifth floor!

Something terrible has happened!

Now, now, please!

Ah,

la dolce vita.

Listen, April, why don't you let Mr.
Celeste take care of the rough stuff and

you tell me what you found out about the
syndicate.

Right.

The name of the top man.

What's his name, Joey?

What? Whose name?

The little man in the fix -it shop.

Right. That better, Cindy.

That better.

Did you get that, Mark?

Yeah, we'll check it out from this end.
Good luck.

Uh, April.

Remember, always the lady.

Maroon was more appropriate for death.

I'm not ready yet.

Let's get out of here.

Oh, I love you, Princess.

You are something else.

Lead the way.

This can be explained, officer. You see,
this girl is actually an agent for a...

Joey, Joey, forget it. Really?

Really.

So that's the way the meatball bounces,
princes.

Gambling syndicates, narcotics traffic,
numbers, illegal shipment of

firearms.

Just one great big goulash of
international crime.

Tell me, are you sure that pretty little
head of yours is going to be able to

hold all this information?

It also serves as a recorder.

It's quite useful, actually.

See, if in the event I'm unable to
deliver the information in person, I

send this off to Uncle Headquarters by a
special messenger.

Well, now that we've both performed our
duty, we can relax, huh?

Wrong!

Oh, why not, Princess?

What's there to worry about?

Paisano Fuzz here is already checking
with Uncle Headquarters in Rome to clear

us, right?

Right. And little John Doe thinks he
made his hit and is probably on his way

back to the States to pick up his check,
right?

Right. So, what's to worry?

old man used to say joy work hard in
this world but don't forget someplace

the way to stop and smell the flowers
that's beautiful

what's beautiful what your father said
work hard

and don't forget to stop along the way
and smell the flowers

Why didn't you take his advice?

Oh, I don't know.

Work just wasn't for me.

He always said, Joy, hard work never
killed anybody.

But it killed him.

And my mother, too.

They died old.

Neither one of them ever reached their
30th birthday.

I was 10.

I'm troubled with your eyes.

Do you have trouble with your eyes or
are you just plain stupid?

Scusi, it was very stupid of me, sir.
Yes.

Will you come with me, sir? Will you
come with me?

Basta, basta!

Yeah. Ready with your overseas call to
White Plains, New York, sir.

Thank you.

Hello, Emily.

No, I'm afraid I'll have to take a later
flight, dear.

I seem to be losing my finesse lately,
Emily.

John, I hate to keep mentioning it all
the time, but don't you think you should

reconsider the offer?

Emily, darling, for the last time, no.

And please don't mention your father's
offer to me again.

than the thought of working in his
antiseptic, unimaginative clothing

Is it really worse than being on the
road all the time? I'm afraid so.

Oh, I'm sorry, Emily.

Can you forgive me for speaking so
harshly?

Oh, you're a good woman, Emily.

You're the only good woman in the world.

Please... Kiss the children goodnight
for me, dear, and explain to Reverend

Sainsbury about my missing services on
Sunday. Tell him I'll be home in time to

help with the social next week.

I love you, too.

Goodbye.

doesn't want anyone, not even the
police, to know about this mission.

The information regarding the little fix
-it shop has given us a strong

foothold. But it has also started a
chain reaction throughout the syndicate

over the world.

Amen.

I will take you both into custody to
uncle headquarters here in Rome.

Have you further information?

Yes. A tape.

Good.

All right.

Move out now.

All right. Move, move, move.

Come on.

Move.

You may relax.

I like to play my little game.

Welcome to Rome, Miss Dancer. I will
remove the handcuffs.

We're almost dead.

Thank you.

We must be careful.

Our little friend may still be in the
area.

Why don't we just take a cab to nowhere?

Why not?

Mr.

Doe? Yes?

I am...

Rather, we are interested in
negotiating.

I imagine you would be, Miss Dancer.

Are you interested?

I'm afraid not.

I've already damaged my professional
career enough.

Damaged? I'd say it was the end of it,
John.

The end of what, Mr. Celesti?

Your professional career.

From top dollar torpedo for the
syndicate to, uh...

Well, let's put it this way.

After the way you botched up this job,
you stand about as much chance of

surviving the syndicate as the
Christians did here with the lions.

I haven't botched anything, Mr.

Celeste.

It already took a little longer than
expected.

Too long.

I'm afraid she's already sent Uncle the
information the syndicate wanted

stopped.

Oh, you can go ahead and kill us for
revenge, John, but it's not going to do

any good with the boys in charge. You
know that.

Then revenge will have to be, Mr.
Celeste.

Unless I give you a way out.

I'm listening.

Money. What's your price?

Not interesting.

Why not? That's all you're in this
rotten business for anyway.

That's all I was in this business for.

As you say, I'm finished.

Money. What for? To run with?

To hide the rest of my life with?

I'm a family man, Mr. Celeste.

I can't run.

This was to have been my last contract.

I was about to retire.

I think this ancient ground is a proper
burial place for the two of us, Mr.

Celeste.

You may go free, Miss Dancer, after we
have departed.

I wasn't hired to kill anyone but Mr.
Celeste.

Perhaps we can still negotiate.

A tape.

He lied.

It wasn't sent.

Let him live, and you go back with the
tape.

Perhaps you didn't understand me, Miss
Dancer. I said you go free.

Take your tape to Uncle.

My life is over.

Not if you have the tape to negotiate
with.

That's just plain stupid.

I could take the tape and shoot you
both. Don't you see how stupid that is?

You're just doing that for him.

Yes.

You're a good woman.

Please forgive me for speaking harshly.

You're a lucky man.

Take care of her.

A good woman is a very rare treasure.

Take me to the police.

I'll take my chances with Italian law
instead of the barbarians.

You have what the man said, Charlie.

Avante. Princess, you are too much.

Oh, thank you.

Your transportation is ready, Mr.
Celeste.

Where to, Mr. Waverly?

I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Mr.
Celeste.

However, security has promised seclusion
and comfort and the best protection

Uncle can guarantee.

But we can't guarantee that it won't be
lonely.

I don't think I'll be lonely, Mr.
Waverly.

Good luck.

Don't you have some work to do?

Are you sure you won't be lonely, Joey?

Nope. I figure I've got something very
beautiful to live with, Princess.

A dream.

I never had one of those before.

A dream that somebody in this world
really cares about Joey Celeste.

Out of your doubt, you princess.

Joey?

Don't forget along the way to stop and
smell the flowers.