Original subtitles

Thank you.

Say cheese.

Cheese.

His name was Georgie Franks, alias Rico Mantovani.

Second -rate, rather talentless racketeer of the old Fortuna gang out of

Chicago. How was he killed, sir?

Oh, I think it's reasonably safe to assume that that iceberg protruding from

right ear did the trick, Mr. Slate.

I'm sorry, sir.

I think I'm still a little groggy.

If you'd paid more careful attention to your instructions, Mr. Slate, you

wouldn't be feeling groggy, Mr. Slate.

Yes, sir.

By whom was Mr. Mantovani killed, sir?

Next, please.

A little man Miss Dancer photographed in the theater, seated directly behind

Georgie Franks.

He looks more like a notary public than a killer.

Yes, well, that notary public happens to be known in the underworld as Little

John Doe.

Murder Incorporated's number one assassin.

personally responsible for killing quite a large number of men.

I thought Murder Incorporated was defunct, sir.

Shh. Please be quiet.

Officially, yes.

Unofficially, it still exists.

Phil, I took a little job at the hotel just around from the last, sir. They'll

pipe it in on your line.

Thank you.

Put Miss Darcy's film on number two projector, please.

Do you like my outfit, sir?

Well, adequate, I suppose.

You have had secretarial experience, Miss Dancer?

Oh, yes, yes, sir.

Shorthand, 180 words per minute.

Typing, 90 words per minute.

A good secretary is expected to do more than typing and shorthand.

Secretary.

Mr. Slate.

Sir. You will be totally informed of each and every move of Miss Dancer's

mission in good time.

Yes, sir.

Repeat with the film.

After the incident at the theater, I followed Little John to the Hotel

on 13th Street.

The hotel clerk gave him two manila envelopes.

A close -up, please.

The first envelope, obviously a $10 ,000 payment for services rendered.

For his work on Georgie Franks.

Proceed.

That's fine.

Do you recognize him?

I think it's Joey Celesti.

Well, now, do you think or do you know?

Yes, it's Joey Celesti.

Well known in the underworld as a... freelance gangster.

Freelance gangster?

Yes, before Joey Celeste was sentenced, he never belonged to any organized mob

or syndicate.

As a matter of fact, he's been known to beat Cosa Nostra at their own game.

Correct?

Other lights, please.

Have travel arrangements made immediately for Miss Dancer to Rome.

April Dancer.

Literary secretary to Joey Celeste.

How about that?

How about what?

How about you, Miss lovely Uncle Agent, here and wrong to protect me? I just

can't believe it. So prim and proper and Protestant -like.

Mr. Celeste, I feel I must warn you.

You're right, Princess.

They work fast.

We'll have to play it by ear till he makes his move.

What do you suggest?

That we ad lib it for a while.

Like a honeymoon couple.

You are beautiful.

So are you.

Open channel D, Denver.

The, uh, Iceman cometh, sir.

Oh. Well, you'll be on your own, Miss Dancer.

We, uh, we can't put a tail on the Iceman for fear of raising suspicion.

I suggest you better get on with the memoirs.

Quickly.

Yes, sir. Over and out.

Memoirs.

That's a very nice word for it.

Memoirs? Or is it just a cop out to Uncle before they put me away?

Oh, no, I think you're misinterpreting.

Memoirs of Joey Cialetti.

The kid voted most likely to succeed in every pool room on Mulberry Street.

Memoirs? What, beating hoodlums at their own game?

Knowing that every wheel in the underworld has bidding for my head and

sooner or later one of them will get it?

Isn't... Isn't that a rather negative attitude, Mr. Teresi?

Just a practical one, Princess.

I must ask you to forgive me for looking at you, but I simply cannot believe

what I see.

I believe we should continue our business, please.

Please.

Memoirs of Joey Celeste.

I spent three years looking at the tired, empty faces of losers.

Then it happens.

You're free.

Well, dinner is on its way up, Princess.

Antipasto, roast chicken, and a nice bottle of Chianti, okay?

Oh.

Are you beginning to trust me?

Mr. Celesti, do you quite realize that your life may be on the line?

Ah,

Princess, my life has been on the line since I was 12.

And I'm ashamed of you for thinking what you're thinking.

Do I look like the type that would try to take advantage of you?

Yes.

Do you really think that I would try to take advantage of you?

Mm -hmm.

You're right, Princess.

But I won't. I have the same hang -ups as you.

Middle -class morality.

I'm plagued with it.

Si.

Signore, il cameriere.

Princess, the waiter's here with our dinner.

Okay, coming.

Entrare, cameriere.

Grazie, signore. But first, I fix the table nice.

For the señorina, eh? Sí?

Sí. Sí.

And this chicken, we fly him in from Bologna.

Nothing is too good for El Signore.

Buonasera, signorina.

I hope you enjoy your dinner.

Thank you.

Grazie.

Oh, signore, that's too much.

Oh, you are too kind.

Too much.

Good digestion.

Thank you.

Now, let us pray that our man makes a bad move soon so that we can spot him.

I already have.

Have what?

Spotted him.

Don't be alarmed, Mr. Celesti.

But the little man is in the room across the courtyard.

Oh, and, uh...

What is the little man doing?

He has in his possession a rather dangerous weapon.

I believe it's called a gun.

Oh, I see.

And what is he doing with the so -called gun?

He's putting it together so that he might kill you.

Not very nice of him.

How's your antipasto?

Fine.

How's yours?

Fine, thank you.

Chicken is absolutely out of its head, Princess.

Nothing wrong?

C3H5ON02.

Glycerotronitrate.

Nitroglycerin.

A bomb, Mr. Celesti.

With enough nitro to blow off both our heads.

Hardly seems fair, does it?

The chicken may be all right.

But I wouldn't touch the dressing.

I think I'm beginning to lose my appetite.

The nitro dressing is set to go off at exactly nine o 'clock.

Now listen very carefully.

I'm all ears.

Our little friend.

I don't believe that he'll shoot you.

Well, that's good.

Unless the bomb doesn't explode.

That's bad.

Which it won't, I hope.

It won't.

No. Why won't it?

Because, with a little luck, I shall be able to cut the wires from the timing

mechanism.

Then, uh, get lucky, Princess.

By all means, get lucky.

More pepperoni, please.

You're beautiful.

Thank you.

Shall I take care of him now?

That would be a splendid idea.

But not until I give you the signal.

Capisce?

You're running the show, Princess.

You're a very alert little literary secretary, Princess.

Thank you, I try.

Have you fixed the chicken yet?

Having a little difficulty getting it out without being conspicuous.

That's bad.

Don't worry.

I'll try not to.

Now, shall we continue with your memoirs, Mr. Celesti?

I only agreed to this cop -out if Uncle would guarantee me absolute protection

for the rest of my normal life.

Have you ever led a normal life, Mr. Celestia?

Come to think of it, no.

Then don't ask the impossible.

We're trying the best we can.

I apologize.

Now, tell me about the worldwide syndicate control.

Well, for openers, it all begins with... One little man in one little fix -it

shop in Perth Amboy, New Jersey.

And what does this little man fix in his little fix -it shop?

Little fights, basketball games, little elections, little

wars, little things like that.

Some people have the strangest hobbies.

Yes, well, that's the way the world is, Princess.

Just one big lousy hustle.

Do you really believe the world is all that ugly?

Mine is.

Hello.

overseas operator, I have a person -to -person call for a Mr. John Doe from

White Plains, New York.

This is he.

One moment, please.

I'll connect you.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Go ahead, please.

Emily? Hello, darling. How are you?

Homesick, Emily. Very homesick.

Well, if everything goes on schedule, I'll take a plane out Saturday night.

I should be home in time for services on Sunday.

How are the children?

Wonderful. Paul's at Little League.

Little League?

Oh, yes, I forgot about the time change.

And the baby's all over her diaper rash, and Junior's all over chocolate

frosting.

How's everything going?

The contract should be finalized very shortly.

Look, I've got to get back to work now, dear. I'll phone you when I'm through.

Bless you, dear.

Bless you, too.

Is there any way we can

speed it up a bit, Princess?

It takes time.

Yes, well, we don't have very much of that, sweetheart.

Of what?

Time, my dear Princess, time.

Oh.

Mr. Celeste?

Yes?

Speaking of time, I think it's about time you did something.

What is it that you would like me to do, Princess?

Start praying.

Praying very hard.

Ready. Set.

Go.

In prairie, camaraderie.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know.

Yeah? Who is it?

Excuse me.

Why is she always running?

Oh, my God!

What's going on? Oh, my God!

Hurry, hurry!

Call the police!

Get to the fifth floor!

Something terrible has happened!

Now, now, please!

Ah,

la dolce vita.

Listen, April, why don't you let Mr. Celeste take care of the rough stuff and

you tell me what you found out about the syndicate.

Right.

The name of the top man.

What's his name, Joey?

What? Whose name?

The little man in the fix -it shop.

Right. That better, Cindy.

That better.

Did you get that, Mark?

Yeah, we'll check it out from this end. Good luck.

Uh, April.

Remember, always the lady.

Maroon was more appropriate for death.

I'm not ready yet.

Let's get out of here.

Oh, I love you, Princess.

You are something else.

Lead the way.

This can be explained, officer. You see, this girl is actually an agent for a...

Joey, Joey, forget it. Really?

Really.

So that's the way the meatball bounces, princes.

Gambling syndicates, narcotics traffic, numbers, illegal shipment of

firearms.

Just one great big goulash of international crime.

Tell me, are you sure that pretty little head of yours is going to be able to

hold all this information?

It also serves as a recorder.

It's quite useful, actually.

See, if in the event I'm unable to deliver the information in person, I

send this off to Uncle Headquarters by a special messenger.

Well, now that we've both performed our duty, we can relax, huh?

Wrong!

Oh, why not, Princess?

What's there to worry about?

Paisano Fuzz here is already checking with Uncle Headquarters in Rome to clear

us, right?

Right. And little John Doe thinks he made his hit and is probably on his way

back to the States to pick up his check, right?

Right. So, what's to worry?

old man used to say joy work hard in this world but don't forget someplace

the way to stop and smell the flowers that's beautiful

what's beautiful what your father said work hard

and don't forget to stop along the way and smell the flowers

Why didn't you take his advice?

Oh, I don't know.

Work just wasn't for me.

He always said, Joy, hard work never killed anybody.

But it killed him.

And my mother, too.

They died old.

Neither one of them ever reached their 30th birthday.

I was 10.

I'm troubled with your eyes.

Do you have trouble with your eyes or are you just plain stupid?

Scusi, it was very stupid of me, sir. Yes.

Will you come with me, sir? Will you come with me?

Basta, basta!

Yeah. Ready with your overseas call to White Plains, New York, sir.

Thank you.

Hello, Emily.

No, I'm afraid I'll have to take a later flight, dear.

I seem to be losing my finesse lately, Emily.

John, I hate to keep mentioning it all the time, but don't you think you should

reconsider the offer?

Emily, darling, for the last time, no.

And please don't mention your father's offer to me again.

than the thought of working in his antiseptic, unimaginative clothing

Is it really worse than being on the road all the time? I'm afraid so.

Oh, I'm sorry, Emily.

Can you forgive me for speaking so harshly?

Oh, you're a good woman, Emily.

You're the only good woman in the world.

Please... Kiss the children goodnight for me, dear, and explain to Reverend

Sainsbury about my missing services on Sunday. Tell him I'll be home in time to

help with the social next week.

I love you, too.

Goodbye.

doesn't want anyone, not even the police, to know about this mission.

The information regarding the little fix -it shop has given us a strong

foothold. But it has also started a chain reaction throughout the syndicate

over the world.

Amen.

I will take you both into custody to uncle headquarters here in Rome.

Have you further information?

Yes. A tape.

Good.

All right.

Move out now.

All right. Move, move, move.

Come on.

Move.

You may relax.

I like to play my little game.

Welcome to Rome, Miss Dancer. I will remove the handcuffs.

We're almost dead.

Thank you.

We must be careful.

Our little friend may still be in the area.

Why don't we just take a cab to nowhere?

Why not?

Mr.

Doe? Yes?

I am...

Rather, we are interested in negotiating.

I imagine you would be, Miss Dancer.

Are you interested?

I'm afraid not.

I've already damaged my professional career enough.

Damaged? I'd say it was the end of it, John.

The end of what, Mr. Celesti?

Your professional career.

From top dollar torpedo for the syndicate to, uh...

Well, let's put it this way.

After the way you botched up this job, you stand about as much chance of

surviving the syndicate as the Christians did here with the lions.

I haven't botched anything, Mr.

Celeste.

It already took a little longer than expected.

Too long.

I'm afraid she's already sent Uncle the information the syndicate wanted

stopped.

Oh, you can go ahead and kill us for revenge, John, but it's not going to do

any good with the boys in charge. You know that.

Then revenge will have to be, Mr. Celeste.

Unless I give you a way out.

I'm listening.

Money. What's your price?

Not interesting.

Why not? That's all you're in this rotten business for anyway.

That's all I was in this business for.

As you say, I'm finished.

Money. What for? To run with?

To hide the rest of my life with?

I'm a family man, Mr. Celeste.

I can't run.

This was to have been my last contract.

I was about to retire.

I think this ancient ground is a proper burial place for the two of us, Mr.

Celeste.

You may go free, Miss Dancer, after we have departed.

I wasn't hired to kill anyone but Mr. Celeste.

Perhaps we can still negotiate.

A tape.

He lied.

It wasn't sent.

Let him live, and you go back with the tape.

Perhaps you didn't understand me, Miss Dancer. I said you go free.

Take your tape to Uncle.

My life is over.

Not if you have the tape to negotiate with.

That's just plain stupid.

I could take the tape and shoot you both. Don't you see how stupid that is?

You're just doing that for him.

Yes.

You're a good woman.

Please forgive me for speaking harshly.

You're a lucky man.

Take care of her.

A good woman is a very rare treasure.

Take me to the police.

I'll take my chances with Italian law instead of the barbarians.

You have what the man said, Charlie.

Avante. Princess, you are too much.

Oh, thank you.

Your transportation is ready, Mr. Celeste.

Where to, Mr. Waverly?

I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Mr. Celeste.

However, security has promised seclusion and comfort and the best protection

Uncle can guarantee.

But we can't guarantee that it won't be lonely.

I don't think I'll be lonely, Mr. Waverly.

Good luck.

Don't you have some work to do?

Are you sure you won't be lonely, Joey?

Nope. I figure I've got something very beautiful to live with, Princess.

A dream.

I never had one of those before.

A dream that somebody in this world really cares about Joey Celeste.

Out of your doubt, you princess.

Joey?

Don't forget along the way to stop and smell the flowers.