Original subtitles

Get me Thrice South Pacific.

Yes, sir.

Thrice South Pacific, sir.

Get out.

I'm waiting, Captain Stone.

Yes, sir.

We've just completed charting the undersea lanes for the submarine

operations. The last sonar navigation beacon is now in place.

Very good.

According to my calculations, we should be able to run 30 cargo submarines a

week. Now, that's between Tokyo and Macau, Melbourne and San Francisco.

Nice work, Captain.

Now, you get those charts to me as soon as possible.

Yes, sir.

Had to relocate one of the beacons, sir. Current was too strong.

All right, log it on the chart.

I'll feed this into the computer, sir.

Good.

Open channel D, please.

I'll go get the rumble started.

Right.

Yes, Miss Danza?

We've secured the chart, sir.

When can we expect...

As soon as we take over the ship, Agent Slade is starting the mutiny now.

What is that infernal noise, Miss Dancer?

It's the ship's officers, sir.

They're objecting to our mutiny.

April? April?

Miss Dancer?

Miss Dancer?

Mr. Slade?

That deuce could have gone wrong.

They've had that mutiny on their way for a week now.

Miss Dancer?

Can you hear me?

Miss Dancer?

Operation Shark's Tooth, come in.

Operation Shark's Tooth, come in.

How am I going to explain this to Thrush Central?

You know, you and I could wind up as cabin boys if those charts fall into the

hands of Uncle.

Now you organize a party and get out there and search that ocean area.

Gentlemen, we must keep those charts from thrush.

Submarine smuggling operation of the size they planned would destroy normal

commerce between the United States, Australia, and the whole of the Orient.

Please have your search units cover the ocean area.

All right.

This flaming court is about to go into session.

Genghis Komar is the eighth presiding.

Hey, Genghis, he's a condemned man.

How many times I have to tell you for the hypocritical Lord Liverpool Henry,

He's a nice fellow.

He's no... He's no condemned.

First, he gets you fair trial.

Then the boys will give it to him.

And is this place worthy defense counsel?

I'm telling you, the dirty rat's as guilty as sin.

For time being, Liverpool, you shut him up, eh? Okay.

How you plead, eh?

Guilty. See?

Unbelievable. Charlie,

you talk too much. Open your mouth again. Contempt of court. You get the

the day there.

Okay, President.

Where is the evidence?

Oh, down the crowd, Genghis. You know there ain't no flaming evidence.

It's all out underneath that flaming hot lava down in Hell's Kitchen.

Six of your ever -loving liars subjects, Genghis. The last six able -bodied men

on the island.

that you trespass on my island.

Trespass? I was shipwrecked. I floated ashore.

Ignorance of law, no excuse, sir. You tell me you's engineers, no?

I said diesel engineers.

Engineers is engineers, sir. You build the bridges, no?

I simply ask you build the bridge across hot lava bed to mango grove. I did my

best. Your best brick in the middle put six loyal best mango pickers in hot lava

bed.

Okay. Got to close the shop.

Let the punishment fit the crime.

Trespasser?

Trespasser?

Listen, I didn't mean to break any laws, and I'd be very happy to leave.

Just flag me a boat, wire a seaplane, or build a raft, anything.

Shh.

Did I break any more laws?

Three of them, my dear.

Nobody leaves paradise or thinks about where to do it.

Genghis scared someone leave paradise, bring back civilization, spoil us

natives. Well, now, more to the point.

Civilization would send back a South Sea magistrate so fast, and with a fistful

of old charges, that would spoil Genghis.

And you don't want that, do you?

Oh, no.

No.

Genghis, old chap.

How would you like to hear a flame and bright idea?

Speak, Matt. I take you.

You've got yourself four lovely wives. You have.

Me? Now, what have I got?

Madame Chop -Chop.

Exactly me point.

Now, suppose that I...

This has got to be a nightmare.

Hey, you very lucky girl. Make Liverpool anyway very nice wife.

That's what you think.

Oh, by the way, Chappies, it's been quite some time since the last wedding,

I think I'd better refresh your etiquette.

Basic rule number one, everybody cries at a wedding.

Rule number two, nobody kisses the bride or else Liverpool and they break

your butt. Rule number three, everyone's down when the bride appears.

Rule number four, you can all sit down and relax. There is no bride.

It's not for trespasser play hard to get.

Well, you'll just have to think up another sentence.

Genghis Gomez VIII, hot lava starvation, name the poison.

I already agree.

She flaming bright idea.

Him not only loyal subject deserve reward, but Liverpool Henry hit

for any crime.

What are we waiting on, Genghis?

Why don't we get stuck into the blooming ceremonials?

Why not?

We have a ceremonial. Okay.

Okay.

Now, dearly beloveds, and I pronounce you...

Are you crazy enough to object to Liverpool energy?

I am.

Mark!

Oh, you don't know how glad I am to see you.

Looks like we have epidemics of trespassers.

You don't know what almost happened to me.

Well, it was nothing, really.

I mean, the whole thing is quite revolting, and I'd never let you marry a

like that.

Big fish, Charlie.

Explain to trespassing friend rule number five.

I come to wish you a hail and a farewell.

Rule number five.

Anybody objecting must fight the groom.

To the death.

And the survivor gets the lady.

That suits us fine.

Dear old man.

Delighted. On closer inspection, April, don't you think you're rather making a

mountain out of a molehill?

Mark, are you all right?

You look quite pale.

It's a funny thing, April.

Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Heathcliff?

He made a very abrasive first impression on the family.

In fact, we thought he was the most repulsive bloke we'd ever seen.

But we grew to love him.

Mark, what are you trying to say?

Don't you think you're being a little hard on the poor chap? I mean, you might

grow to love him in time.

Mark!

When there's so much outside, you'd think that the inner man might be worth

reaching. Well, I tell you what.

After you tear him apart, we'll have a look, all right?

He's ready, whatever you are.

This time, trespassing friend.

Pick his own punishment.

Liverpool Henry, go kill him.

You don't know how to open a can of beans.

Mark, all he has is muscle.

But you have right on your side.

Yeah, so did the martyrs when they threw him to the lions.

All right.

If you won't fight him, I will.

All right. Watch out for low punches.

Mark!

There's not much point in arguing. Give me your lipstick. I've done it.

I lost it. You used a little comb.

Oh, we've got that.

Perfume atomizer.

Sorry. Gun? No.

I'm defenseless.

You've still got your karate.

Oh, big deal.

Wait! I'm glad someone could see reason.

Madame Chop -Chop, take bride to bridal hut to wait for surviving groom.

Mark!

Listen, on second thought, I don't want you getting hurt just for me.

It's okay with me if you tell them you were only kidding.

Yeah, well, you wait in that hut. I've still got my karate.

I think it's only fair to warn you that I'm a black belt.

Don't make me mad.

Hey bro, I think I'll try an apology.

All search units report negative results, sir.

Oh, it's disgusting.

30 cargo submarines loaded with a fortune encounter van tied to the docks.

We've got to get those charts.

Our aerial reconnaissance has photographed several fishing boats in

area.

Obviously, fresh camouflage units.

Of course, it means that they haven't found the charts yet either.

Oh, gentlemen, you must redouble your efforts.

It's a matter of life and death that we beat them to those charts.

The dancer?

Mr. Slate?

Can you hear me?

kangaroo down.

Get him.

I'll tell you what I'll do, sport.

Here's me jaw.

I'll give you one free bash just before I kills you.

Did you find that one?

Well, love, as your new groom, I will go out and make my demand.

Glass jaw.

You survivor, you win her.

Exactly. Now, when does the honeymoon start, and how can we get a boat out of

here?

You widow, no need no honeymoons. First you make a trespass, now you make

escape. That's two times we gonna kill you.

Oh, he didn't mean escape, Genghis.

He just meant that there's nothing for him to do around here.

That's three times we gonna kill him. On Lost Paradise, everybody must be

useful. Thanks for your help.

Mark is very useful.

What's so useful about breaking glass jaw, eh? Oh, that's just a sideline.

Ah, we don't need no sidelines neither. Engineer, he call a bridge a sideline.

And he bury my best mango pecan in hot lava.

Bridges?

Stinky little bridges over hot lava bed.

Mark doesn't know a thing about building bridges.

Do you, Mark?

Ah, this is no time for false modesty. Are you familiar with, um, Oakland Bay?

Royal Gorge?

Sydney Harbour?

Yes, dear, but you didn't build those over a bed of hot lava.

Oh.

Liverpool only says it's a flaming bright idea.

You's gonna build the bridges.

Come on, Horatio.

What's so flame and bright about giving me bride away?

What about my reward for loyalty?

Nothing from bridges. What do you know from bridges?

When he build a bridge, he build a bridge and the bridge make a... Then you

back a bride.

A happy group like that can't be all bad.

You can't build a bridge.

How do I know? I've never tried.

Well, do me a favor. If at first you don't succeed, don't plan on try -try

again. That is a bottomless mud bath.

Well, look on the bright side, love. I'm buying us time.

I'm going to try and get us off the island, and you find a way to get a

out. What do you suggest?

Throw a bottle into the sea?

That's a start.

Mr. Engineer, we is waiting.

We won't start bridges now!

Well, Frank Lloyd Wright, I hope you have your degree in erectus sense.

Jolly good.

Well, it looks fairly simple.

We'll need some heavy ropes.

Well, now.

As you can see, old chap, in lost paradise, there's enough rope.

Even enough to hang a man with.

Three blind mice.

Three blind mice.

See how they...

Some

dirty, filthy,

stinking, guilty rat is to break my glockenspiel.

Bottles, it is more tougher than the watches, more scarce.

Ten years a scrimp, a scraver to build the three blind mice.

Last time a thief hijacked a bottle to put a knot in the sea.

Lucky for me, the evening tide always washed in plenty of mice.

Somebody gonna get it.

And Lord loved it. if it's anything like last time.

Drawn and quartered and boiled in oil would be a tolerable flaming ending by

comparison. Just for one empty gin bottle?

Poor bloke. He didn't have one single solitary framing friend to help him in

hour of need, he didn't.

Not like you have, ducks.

You smile, eh?

Three blind mice.

Three blind mice.

See how they... Run.

That's good.

See...

Thank you.

Do you think you could steal something from Slushworth millions and live?

Where are they? Where are they?

Miracle Henry.

My apologies.

You're the last person in the world who'd ever have called upon for help.

Blimey, matey.

Evil to them is evil things.

So right.

Wouldn't you know it.

Now, let's have them flame and chart what's worth millions.

Plans for pirate treasure?

Pearl beds?

Diamond mines?

Better than that, Henry.

A smuggler's dream.

A golden ocean of contraband.

Lord, love a duck.

Partners, Henry?

Partners. You and me.

You and me in April.

Oh, what have we got to cut her in for?

She's got the charts.

She's in.

Uh -oh.

What's the matter?

Oh, it was me flaming loyalty to that Genghis.

When she refused me love and friendship, I turned her and that crummy bottle in.

hand with him, will you? Right.

Look who volunteered to take your place at Bedford.

Who's still?

Get the chance. You, me, and our partner is leaving.

Partner?

What happened to your flaming loyalty to your flaming leader?

What? Loyalty to that?

Every flaming night.

Two, three, four o 'clock in the morning, he gets an urge to play that

glockenspiel. Stone the crows, I've got three blind mice running out of my ears.

You see, April, Liverpool Henry wasn't born mean. He was driven to it.

How right you are, matey.

The chance.

Partner or no partner?

Oh, Miss Lowry. Yes, sir?

I want you to prepare a eulogy of some kind by way of memorial to Miss Dancer

and Mr. Slate.

Is it really true, Mr. Waverly?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

It's all very sad.

a musical heart.

I snagged them for you.

Is that right?

Partner, don't tell me I fooled you too, Genghis.

You no fool of me.

You snagged him to gratis.

Oh, how can you say a thing like that to the bloke what brought back the bottle

for your glockenspiel?

Hey, well, look what you done for me lately.

Oh, I knew you'd appreciate it, Genghis.

These blokes have got charts that are worth flaming millions.

And I've been fooling them along just to get those charts and bring them back to

you, Genghis.

Now, how's that for fair?

Next time you pick a partner, try Benedict Arnold.

Those charts are worth millions, Genghis.

It's a thrash.

No.

To you.

That is, if you help us get them back to Uncle.

Uncle.

United Network Command for Law Enforcement.

U -N -C -L -E.

Use his dirty cup.

That's right, I will endear us to him. You and me think the same way about

Genghis. Now get me and these charts back to thrash.

And you can write your own ticket for the payoff.

Some payoffs, you betcha.

You want to put my island on the map, eh?

You want to bring a plenty trespassing sheriffs and magistrates and hang a poor

Genghis and then all of my good justice go down the drain?

Me do away with plenty temptations for loyal subjects.

Genghis, don't!

Now you've done it.

He ain't done nothing to me.

I got those charts right here.

Every beacon we laid, every current, every shore.

You got your plenty on healthy heads, my friend.

These dirty double guilty fellows already catch a prize.

She's in most trouble.

She go fast.

How big?

Little enough to loot old choppy.

No more time for execution.

Can't see. Ain't no need to see. I know them proceedings by heart.

A feast for sore eyes and an ambush for sore heads.

That's piracy.

Yeah, ain't it, though?

How do you think we keep ourselves so supplied in flaming goodies?

This is very Southern April.

Untie me.

Okay.

captain quick are

you the captain

you went ashore with a landing party uh well now listen i know we don't look but

uh we're uncle agents you better believe us oh i do

What's this?

Who are they?

The uncle agents from Operation Shark's Tooth.

So there were survivors.

These two are enemies.

You should tell him me.

Believe me, Genghis, we're the lesser of the two evils. That man is from Thrush.

Take him.

Genghis Khan!

Genghis Khan's got a chance.

We can't let those thrushmen get a hold of Stone.

enough trouble without you.

I'm waiting.

No, no. We spread.

Like he says.

Who was right?

Them's bad peoples.

All right, you can give us a hand with him.

Okay.

What happened to those two agents from Uncle?

You men search the jungle.

Why don't you help me search the huts?

And who are you?

Break his gag.

Your flaming friend and partner, that's who.

All right, I'm going to tie his hand.

One gun, two machetes, and one prisoner against the whole thrush arsenal.

Man, could we use a secret weapon right now?

We've got it, love.

Built in.

Your bridge.

You've got a blooming nerve you have calling me partner.

I got her, mateys!

Where's Captain Stone?

Quit stalling. Don't shoot!

I know when I'm beaten. I can see.

Let's go.

Now it's Captain Stone, all right.

Come on.

Now, love.

Yeah.

This... This is a sad, sad day for us here at Uncle.

Agents Danston and Slate have left a hole in our ranks that will be hard to

fill.

It's at moments like this, when it's too late, that we wish we'd been more

appreciative, less critical, and more understanding of human foibles.

For myself, I only lament that I was never vouchsafed the opportunity of

them how much I valued their services.

Mr. Waverly.

Sir, it's Agents Dancer and Slate. They've been shipwrecked.

Shipwrecked? Where?

Acapulco, sir.

I couldn't help it, sir. We were shipwrecked near here.

Where have you been?

Tell him where we've been.

In paradise, sir.

But we promised not to tell where it is. That was part of the deal we made to

get out of there.

Shipwrecked?

An Acapulco in paradise?

You haven't much imagination, either of you, I must say.

That's the flimsiest excuse for fumbling dereliction I ever heard.

But, sir, we have Captain Stone in the local clink, and he's willing

to give Uncle the information that was on the chart.

Oh, I'm tired of your story.

Report back here at once.

I've a few choice words to say to both of you.

What's he saying?

Nothing.

Sounds like he's tearing a paper.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0