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♪ Last King Christmas
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last arrived ♪
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♪ On the Christmas Christmas ♪
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Mmm.
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Jerry, you are really
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giving it to this ham.
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Um, Merry Christmas.
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Hello?
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My parents are coming over
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for the first time in years.
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Can we stow the
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gadgets and look alive?
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Alive?
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For your parents?
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Mm, good one.
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Hey, man! You "Hey, man!"
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This holiday is
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about humanity.
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You know, I thought it was
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about being born half-god or something.
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Whatever.
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All electronic items are going
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in the stocking -- now.
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Dad, I'm not
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giving you my phone.
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Put it in the stocking, Summer,
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or I'm joining Facebook.
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A-ho, ho, ho, everybody.
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More like
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"Whoa, whoa, whoa."
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What is this?
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My parents are coming!
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Calm down, Jerry.
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This is Reuben, an old friend.
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Pearl Harbor.
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I check in on him once a year
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and give him a little
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medical evaluation.
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Aww!
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Dad, that is so sweet!
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Yeah, it is.
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I don't get it.
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Korea.
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Don't worry about your
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C-Christmas, Jerry.
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I'll be with Reuben in
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my workshop while you guys are
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having another day in
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Phil Collins' proverbial paradise.
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Huh.
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You think you know a guy.
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Okay, there's my parents.
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Now, remember --
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no TV, no phones, no laptops.
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We are connecting this Christmas,
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like old-school
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Jews on a Saturday.
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Hey, hey!
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Merry Christmas, son.
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Uh, hi.
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Can I help you?
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Jerry, this is Jacob.
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Didn't you get
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our text message?
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No!
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You must be Jerry.
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That's a fine-looking apron.
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Williams-Sonoma?
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I wish!
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But thank you.
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So, you're a...
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friend of the family?
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Uh, the way we see it,
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he's a part of the family.
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Wow.
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After your father's brush with
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cancer and losing your uncle,
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we looked at life and wondered,
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how have we spent it,
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and how do we spend
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the rest of it?
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What are we going to
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be when we die --
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A list of fears
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and questions
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or a collection
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of real experiences?
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Holy crap.
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Joyce, that's amazing.
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Then Jacob came into our lives,
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and...we're learning
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to live again.
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All three of us.
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Cool.
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Eggnog?
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Now we are talking!
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This man's got the apron
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and the eggnog, huh?
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Hi, Joyce. Leonard.
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Hello, there.
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Merry Christmas, man.
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Morty, a moment of your time?
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He's in bad shape, Morty.
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Aw, geez, Rick.
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What'd you do?
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Gee, thanks, Morty.
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W-w-what kind of monster
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do you think I am?
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I-I-I'm sitting here trying
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to save the guy's life.
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I need your help.
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I want you to find
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Dr. Xenon Bloom.
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He'll know what's going on.
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Uh, w-w-w-where --
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where do I find Dr. Bloom?
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In Reuben.
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Reuben, Minne-- Minnesota?
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Reuben on the table, Morty.
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Look, I-I-I I don't
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have time for you to wrap your
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little walnut
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around everything.
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Just hold your breath
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until the process is over
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or your lungs will collapse.
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What proc--
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Hey, Dad, where's Morty?
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He's busy.
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- Morty, can you hear me?
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Head north.
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Rick, where am I?
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Depending on my aim,
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you should be just
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south of the entrance.
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Entrance to what?
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Welcome, Morty.
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Welcome...
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...to Anatomy Park!
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It's a little business venture
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I've been cooking up on the side
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with Dr. Bloom -- an amusement
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park inside a human body.
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Science isn't ch--
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cheap, Morty.
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This should really help
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put a dent in the overhead.
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Oh, my God!
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This is insane!
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Spleen Mountain?
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Bladder Falls?
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Pirates of the Pancreas?
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You got a problem with that last one, Morty?
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Huh? No, no.
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I'm just reading 'em out loud in
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the order that I'm seeing 'em.
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Okay. All right.
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If I sounded a
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little defensive,
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it's because Pirates of the
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Pancreas was my baby.
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You know, I got --
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I got a lot of pushback
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when I pitched it, Morty.
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I guess I'm still
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a little defensive.
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Let's just find Dr. Bloom,
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all right?
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I-I'm picking up a distress
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signal in the liver, Morty.
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Proceed to the liver.
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Arriving at...
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...liver.
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Ow!
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Mind the gap.
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It's really scary
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in here, Rick.
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The liver's under maintenance.
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Reuben's seen some
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rough years, Morty.
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Don't judge.
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You don't agree to have a theme
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park built inside you if your
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life's going great.
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Rick! It's a monster!
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No, no, no. Morty.
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The only monster here is
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alco......holism.
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That is an
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animatronic werewolf.
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Who are you?!
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Answer me!
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Where'd you come from?
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My -- my -- my
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grandpa Rick sent me!
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Poncho!
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That's quite enough.
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Morty, that's Poncho.
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This is Roger and Annie.
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And I am Dr. Xenon Bloom.
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Hey, Bloom, it's Rick.
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What the hell's
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going on here?
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I don't know why, but the entire
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security system has shut down,
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and I'm afraid...
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the exhibits are unlocked.
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Exhibits?
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Anatomy Park's greatest
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attraction, young man,
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isn't the music
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or the food or the...
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Pirates of the Pancreas.
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Watch it.
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It is, first and foremost, a
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living museum of humanity's most
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noble and ferocious diseases.
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Diseases?
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Hey, doc.
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I got news for you.
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Your living museum is
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officially a wild safari!
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Hepatitis A!
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Run!
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Oh, the food goes
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in your mouth, girl.
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Oh, Jacob.
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I-I'm sorry, Jacob.
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I-I guess I'm still confused
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about the precise nature and
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origin of your relationship
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with my parents.
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Are you, like, uh -- are you,
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like, their caretaker?
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Is that what it is?
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We can go into
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detail later, son.
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Now, wait.
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Th-there's no point to secrecy.
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Let's all live and die honestly.
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Your mother and I have shared
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40 years of each other, mind,
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body, and soul, and when
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minds and souls are joined
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for eternity and when eternity
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is at the door,
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it's an invitation to let go of
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the body and an opportunity
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to share and experiment.
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Dad, please.
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What are you saying?
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Whatever it is, it's beautiful,
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Leonard, and we support you.
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Hey, speak for yourself,
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because it
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sounds like you're about
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to say Jacob is your lover.
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No, no, no, no, no, no.
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Jacob is your mother's lover.
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I watch them --
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Sometimes from a chair and
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sometimes from a closet,
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almost always dressed
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as Superman.
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Oh.
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Jerry, this ham has got
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to be all you, right?
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It's incredible.
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Happy human holiday, Dad.
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Aah!
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Hepatitis won't follow us
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into the respiratory system.
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That's strange.
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Airflow is down 20%.
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So, the brain isn't
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getting enough oxygen.
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That's why
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security's offline.
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Well, I guess we
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better check it out.
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Hey! Wait for me!
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Put that back on!
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If we got up to the
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Bronchial Catwalk,
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we could look
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for a blockage.
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I'll go.
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Don't be a hero, kid.
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I'm not.
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I'm doing it because it's fun.
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We shouldn't be here.
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Whatever you do, do not
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fire that thing in here.
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We must save Reuben.
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This is my life's work.
296
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,180
It's all right, my dear.
297
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:36,910
Nearly all human lungs contain a
298
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:36,910
strain of these bacteria,
299
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,450
but the scar tissue
300
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,450
keeps them...
301
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,420
dormant.
302
00:07:41,490 --> 00:07:42,680
Morty, get down!
303
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:43,780
Whoa-ho-ho!
304
00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,020
Whoa!
305
00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:47,350
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
306
00:07:50,300 --> 00:07:52,320
Oh, what are those things?
307
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,700
Tuberculosis --
308
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,700
coming in fast!
309
00:07:54,770 --> 00:07:56,260
Not faster than a bullet!
310
00:07:56,340 --> 00:07:57,530
Aah!
311
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,500
No!
312
00:07:58,570 --> 00:07:59,910
Do you know what you've done?!
313
00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:03,480
Whoa!
314
00:08:05,210 --> 00:08:06,510
Get to the digestive tract!
315
00:08:06,580 --> 00:08:07,610
He's coughing!
316
00:08:09,050 --> 00:08:10,520
Whoaaaa!
317
00:08:10,590 --> 00:08:12,020
Don't let me die!
318
00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:13,420
Just take a deep breath,
319
00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:13,420
Reuben.
320
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:15,620
You're not gonna die!
321
00:08:15,690 --> 00:08:16,660
What's your name?
322
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,780
My name is...
323
00:08:18,930 --> 00:08:20,260
Alexand--
324
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,100
Rick -- R-R-Reuben's got
325
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,100
tuberculosis!
326
00:08:26,170 --> 00:08:27,290
Oh, great work, Morty.
327
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,030
Okay, I'll just
328
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,030
cure it and then--
329
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:31,600
Okay.
330
00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:32,900
Well, I can't cure death.
331
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,030
This is bad, Morty.
332
00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:35,170
You're trapped
333
00:08:34,110 --> 00:08:35,170
in a dead man.
334
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,680
Listen, if the situation
335
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:36,680
keeps darkening,
336
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,510
do yourself a favor and pop by
337
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,510
Pirates of the Pancreas.
338
00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:41,880
Obviously I'm biased,
339
00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:41,880
but I think it's great, Morty.
340
00:08:41,950 --> 00:08:43,980
It's a bunch of
341
00:08:41,950 --> 00:08:43,980
pirates running around a
342
00:08:44,050 --> 00:08:46,180
pancreas.
343
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:47,590
We don't whitewash it,
344
00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:47,590
either, Morty.
345
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,180
I mean, the pirates
346
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:49,180
are really rapey.
347
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:52,090
The top priority is to get,
348
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:52,090
you know, you guys out of there,
349
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,220
but I'm just saying, if that
350
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,220
becomes impossible, please,
351
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,820
you gotta treat yourself.
352
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,150
Oh, man.
353
00:08:57,230 --> 00:08:58,960
W-w-w-what is
354
00:08:57,230 --> 00:08:58,960
that horrible smell?
355
00:08:59,030 --> 00:09:00,200
You mean the Panda Express?
356
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,100
Kidding. I-I'm kidding.
357
00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:06,440
The body is beginning to
358
00:09:03,170 --> 00:09:06,440
constrict and fill with gas.
359
00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:08,170
We're inside a corpse, my boy.
360
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:10,300
Anatomy Park is doomed.
361
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:11,610
Forget about the park,
362
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:11,610
doctor!
363
00:09:11,680 --> 00:09:12,810
How do we get out?
364
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,910
The digestive tract is the
365
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,910
evacuation route.
366
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:16,420
Get it?
367
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,580
There's an emergency station in
368
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,580
the colon with a ray that can
369
00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:20,090
enlarge us all.
370
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,560
Everybody, head for the colon!
371
00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:24,680
Now I'm taking orders
372
00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:24,680
from a 12-year-old boy?
373
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:29,420
Morty, the scar sacs containing
374
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:29,420
the tuberculosis were sabotaged.
375
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,560
This disaster
376
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,560
was an inside job.
377
00:09:31,630 --> 00:09:33,570
Keep your eye on Annie.
378
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,760
She was written
379
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:35,760
up several times
380
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,900
by her manager
381
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:38,900
at the Churro Stand.
382
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,700
Intestines are ahead to the
383
00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:40,700
left, then to the right,
384
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,240
then left, et cetera.
385
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,740
Hey, just so you know,
386
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,740
I-I-I'm actually 14.
387
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,250
So, you know...
388
00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:49,250
what?
389
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:50,790
Not 12.
390
00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:52,250
Okay.
391
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,850
You know, because
392
00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:54,850
he just said I was 12.
393
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:56,260
Oh.
394
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:57,820
Good for you.
395
00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,550
Oof. Ugh. Morty.
396
00:09:59,630 --> 00:10:00,890
Strike one.
397
00:10:03,630 --> 00:10:05,430
♪ It's a road of wonder ♪
398
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,130
♪ A trail of food ♪
399
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,000
♪ It's a pathway to break
400
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,000
up the bad and good ♪
401
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:15,030
♪ It's a tube that digests
402
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:15,030
and then sends out the rest ♪
403
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:19,140
♪ It's a small,
404
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:19,140
small intestine ♪
405
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:21,810
It goes on like
406
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:21,810
this for miles.
407
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,250
Then we get to the
408
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,250
large intestine!
409
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:27,350
Shh!
410
00:10:25,550 --> 00:10:27,350
I hear something.
411
00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,420
Don't move.
412
00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:36,230
Gonorrhea can't see
413
00:10:32,490 --> 00:10:36,230
us if we don't move.
414
00:10:38,730 --> 00:10:39,630
Wait, I was wrong.
415
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:40,760
I was thinking of a T. Rex.
416
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:44,370
Move!
417
00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:49,240
We're sitting ducks!
418
00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:51,280
Doc, didn't you say that the
419
00:10:49,310 --> 00:10:51,280
body was filling with gas?
420
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,610
Yes. Why?
421
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:54,580
Kid, you're a genius.
422
00:10:54,650 --> 00:10:55,640
Are you mad?!
423
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:56,950
Everybody, in here!
424
00:10:58,250 --> 00:10:59,410
Hey, Gonorrhea!
425
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:01,890
How's this for a
426
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:01,890
burning sensation?
427
00:11:08,830 --> 00:11:10,060
Huh.
428
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:14,230
♪ Drummer drum drum
429
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:14,230
drum drum drum ♪
430
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,270
♪ Drum drum drum
431
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,270
drum drum drum ♪
432
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:17,270
♪ Christmas drums ♪
433
00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:18,530
Oh, sing it, Summer.
434
00:11:18,610 --> 00:11:20,700
♪ Christmas drums being played
435
00:11:18,610 --> 00:11:20,700
by a b-o-o-o-y ♪
436
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,040
Oh, I love to hear you sing.
437
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:26,070
Jerry, come on.
438
00:11:26,150 --> 00:11:27,310
This is what you wanted.
439
00:11:27,380 --> 00:11:28,350
I get it, Beth.
440
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:29,540
Be careful what
441
00:11:28,420 --> 00:11:29,540
you wish for.
442
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:31,250
I'm being punished
443
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:31,250
for taking your iPad.
444
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:32,220
What?
445
00:11:32,290 --> 00:11:33,690
Jerry, let that stuff go, okay?
446
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,250
I'm sorry I was
447
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,250
a bitch earlier.
448
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,290
Let's just be here.
449
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,290
Summer!
450
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,290
Ethan?
451
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,350
What are you doing here?
452
00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:42,450
I've been texting
453
00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:42,450
you for hours!
454
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:43,620
What the hell?!
455
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:44,630
I don't have my phone!
456
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,170
I'm doing a human holiday!
457
00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:48,970
Well, did you even consider
458
00:11:46,230 --> 00:11:48,970
how that might make me feel?!
459
00:11:49,040 --> 00:11:50,230
How you feel?!
460
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,570
Why is everything always
461
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,570
happening to you?!
462
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,510
Summer, do you
463
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,510
have a boyfriend?
464
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,010
Yeah, do you, Summer?
465
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:56,910
I don't know, Ethan.
466
00:11:56,980 --> 00:11:58,110
Do I?!
467
00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:00,980
Jerry, no disrespect,
468
00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:00,980
but you really need to
469
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,950
connect more with
470
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,950
your family, man.
471
00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:06,320
I should be able to access the
472
00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:06,320
backup generator to get the
473
00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:07,690
growth ray online.
474
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,720
If it works, we'll be
475
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,720
regular-sized in a few minutes.
476
00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:11,850
I just hope Reuben's not in a
477
00:12:09,790 --> 00:12:11,850
room with white carpets
478
00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:12,890
or upholstery.
479
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,400
What the hell is that?
480
00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:16,590
The Sphincter Dam.
481
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,430
We built it when Reuben became
482
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,430
incontinent,
483
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:21,300
but it was not designed
484
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:21,300
to hold a corpse load.
485
00:12:22,370 --> 00:12:23,300
I've almost got it.
486
00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:25,140
Everybody, move
487
00:12:23,370 --> 00:12:25,140
inside the circle.
488
00:12:26,470 --> 00:12:27,340
Poncho?
489
00:12:27,410 --> 00:12:28,640
What is this in your backpack?
490
00:12:28,710 --> 00:12:30,980
That's Bubonic plague!
491
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:32,480
What are you doing
492
00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:32,480
with that, Poncho?
493
00:12:33,450 --> 00:12:34,420
Everybody, get back!
494
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:35,880
Poncho, you son of a bitch!
495
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:39,280
You released the tuberculosis
496
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:39,280
so you could steal from me?
497
00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:40,690
That's right, baby.
498
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,880
A lot of people
499
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,880
would pay top dollar
500
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,860
to decimate the population.
501
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,290
I'll take the highest bidder --
502
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:48,130
Al-Qaeda, North Korea,
503
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,330
Republicans, Shriners, balding
504
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,330
men that work out,
505
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,340
people on the internet that are
506
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,340
only turned on by cartoons
507
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:56,030
of Japanese teenagers --
508
00:12:56,100 --> 00:13:00,570
Anything is better than working
509
00:12:56,100 --> 00:13:00,570
for you, you pompous, negligent,
510
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:04,810
iTunes-gift-card-as-a-holiday-
511
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:04,810
bonus-giving mother--
512
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:08,610
Come on!
513
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:12,720
Aah!
514
00:13:12,790 --> 00:13:13,620
Get off!
515
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:18,290
You guys!
516
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:19,620
It's gonna burst! Go!
517
00:13:19,690 --> 00:13:20,590
Go, go, go!
518
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:24,200
My foot is stuck.
519
00:13:24,270 --> 00:13:25,730
No! It's okay!
520
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,790
It's okay. Just go.
521
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:27,790
Tell my family I love them.
522
00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:29,860
They may be hard to find 'cause
523
00:13:27,870 --> 00:13:29,860
my wife kept her last name and
524
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:32,370
she made the kids take it, too,
525
00:13:29,940 --> 00:13:32,370
so, I-I don't know, you can --
526
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,840
No!
527
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,570
Let me ask you a question,
528
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,570
Ethan.
529
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:41,410
Where's the anger
530
00:13:39,650 --> 00:13:41,410
coming from, man?
531
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,180
From Summer being
532
00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:44,180
a total bitch!
533
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:49,090
Where's the anger
534
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:49,090
coming from?
535
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,690
My brother...took me fishing
536
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,690
once...in the bushes...
537
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,290
I can't...I can't...
538
00:13:56,430 --> 00:13:58,020
He made me feel like a girl!
539
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,400
I -- he made me a girl!
540
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,600
He didn't make
541
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:03,600
you anything, man.
542
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:05,470
You are who you are.
543
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,200
She is who she is.
544
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:09,540
Now, you go to her...brand-new.
545
00:14:09,610 --> 00:14:10,630
Come here, right now.
546
00:14:10,710 --> 00:14:11,610
Oh, my God.
547
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:12,910
I'm so sorry, Ethan!
548
00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:14,000
I love you!
549
00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:14,950
I love you so much.
550
00:14:16,650 --> 00:14:17,980
Um...
551
00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:19,820
You did it again, cubbie.
552
00:14:19,890 --> 00:14:20,980
Come here.
553
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:27,760
No! Stop! I hate this!
554
00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:30,800
Well, Christmas doesn't revolve
555
00:14:27,830 --> 00:14:30,800
around what you hate, son.
556
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,130
Well, then I hate Christmas!
557
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,570
Enjoy being human!
558
00:14:33,630 --> 00:14:35,260
You guys are gross and lame.
559
00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:37,430
My name's Reuben Ridley.
560
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,570
You're inside me right now, but
561
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:40,570
by the end of this journey...
562
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,610
Whoopsie.
563
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,940
I'll be inside all of you.
564
00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:45,950
My story begins during
565
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,380
the dot-com crash
566
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:48,380
in the early '90s.
567
00:14:49,950 --> 00:14:52,080
You can put your fingers
568
00:14:49,950 --> 00:14:52,080
wherever you want.
569
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:54,090
Morty, you want to put it
570
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:54,090
on mute or something?
571
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,490
I'm -- I'm trying to
572
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:55,490
concentrate.
573
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,490
Uh...Rick?
574
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:57,820
Not now, Jerry.
575
00:14:57,890 --> 00:14:59,550
I've got much,
576
00:14:57,890 --> 00:14:59,550
much smaller fish to fry.
577
00:14:59,630 --> 00:15:01,390
I wanted to say I'm sorry
578
00:14:59,630 --> 00:15:01,390
I ever judged you.
579
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,620
Right now,
580
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:03,620
you're my sanest relative.
581
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:05,360
Relative.
582
00:15:05,430 --> 00:15:06,590
R-relative size!
583
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,400
Jerry, hand me a scalpel
584
00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:08,400
and a bundle of dynamite.
585
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,730
Morty, can you get
586
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,730
to the left nipple?
587
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,030
Are you kidding?
588
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,630
I'm hoping I can get
589
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,630
to both of 'em, Rick.
590
00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:14,540
No, Morty, I'm talking about
591
00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:14,540
Reuben's left nipple.
592
00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:18,210
We need to get
593
00:15:16,940 --> 00:15:18,210
to the left nipple!
594
00:15:18,280 --> 00:15:19,980
The body is decaying.
595
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:22,310
The arterial transit
596
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:22,310
system is useless.
597
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,180
We can try the service shuttle.
598
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,740
It's connected to
599
00:15:24,250 --> 00:15:25,740
the skeletal system.
600
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,790
That's why we call
601
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,790
it the bone train.
602
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,880
Would you like to ride
603
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,880
the bone train, Miss?
604
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,550
If it'll get us out of here.
605
00:15:32,630 --> 00:15:34,100
How about you, Morty?
606
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,060
Would you like to
607
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:37,060
ride the bone train?
608
00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:38,360
Why are you doing this bit?
609
00:15:38,430 --> 00:15:40,030
We're gonna die! Let's go!
610
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:45,070
Well...I can see you're busy.
611
00:15:45,140 --> 00:15:46,510
Merry Christmas, Rick.
612
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,380
There's no autopilot.
613
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,580
One of us will have to stay
614
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,580
here and operate it manually.
615
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,820
- Uh, well...
616
00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:01,820
No, you're -- you're right.
617
00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:03,920
I-It was a dick move for me
618
00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:03,920
to even pause like that.
619
00:16:03,990 --> 00:16:05,050
This is all my fault.
620
00:16:05,130 --> 00:16:06,420
You go on.
621
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:08,430
What the hell is that?
622
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:09,830
E. Coli outbreak.
623
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:10,760
Hurry!
624
00:16:13,030 --> 00:16:15,000
Wait, there is an autopilot.
625
00:16:15,070 --> 00:16:16,730
Wait!
626
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,270
It's okay! Never mind!
627
00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:21,140
I wanted to sacrifice
628
00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:21,140
myself anyway!
629
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,880
They're -- they're chewing
630
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,880
through the doors!
631
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:28,410
We're in the areola, Rick --
632
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,720
almost to the nipple, but we're
633
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,720
also in a really bad situation!
634
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:33,450
I'm almost there, Morty!
635
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,890
Reports from all over the
636
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,890
country have been coming in
637
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:48,270
about what appears
638
00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:48,270
to be a giant,
639
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,600
naked man over the
640
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,600
continental United States.
641
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:54,070
We now go to Tom Randolph
642
00:16:51,670 --> 00:16:54,070
in New York. Tom?
643
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:57,310
Well, the eyes aren't twinkling
644
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:57,310
and the dimples aren't merry,
645
00:16:57,380 --> 00:17:01,340
but I'm standing under a
646
00:16:57,380 --> 00:17:01,340
nose like a 70-mile cherry.
647
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:02,540
Thank you, Tom.
648
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:05,180
Let's go now to Eric McMahan
649
00:17:02,620 --> 00:17:05,180
in Los Angeles.
650
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,220
We've got feet here on
651
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:07,220
the West Coast, Bill --
652
00:17:07,290 --> 00:17:08,690
giant feet,
653
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,730
even relative to the
654
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,730
giant man's size,
655
00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:13,450
and you know what
656
00:17:10,790 --> 00:17:13,450
they say about that.
657
00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:15,550
Well, if the old
658
00:17:13,530 --> 00:17:15,550
adage is true,
659
00:17:15,630 --> 00:17:20,690
one can only wonder what's going
660
00:17:15,630 --> 00:17:20,690
down in the Rocky Mountains.
661
00:17:21,870 --> 00:17:22,860
Wha?
662
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:34,280
Oh my God, the track!
663
00:17:34,350 --> 00:17:35,680
It's Hepatitis A!
664
00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,150
Aaaah!
665
00:17:52,570 --> 00:17:54,090
The nipple hole.
666
00:17:54,170 --> 00:17:56,360
It's beautiful.
667
00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:04,110
Oh, no!
668
00:18:04,180 --> 00:18:05,700
Holy crap!
669
00:18:08,350 --> 00:18:10,080
Whoa! It's Hepatitis C!
670
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,220
Um...wait --
671
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:18,780
Did we have some sort of
672
00:18:16,290 --> 00:18:18,780
relationship with him?
673
00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:20,260
I think they're
674
00:18:18,860 --> 00:18:20,260
just like that?
675
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,130
I think they're
676
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:22,130
just good guys.
677
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:24,670
Oh. Huh.
678
00:18:24,730 --> 00:18:26,060
Where's Dr. Bloom?
679
00:18:26,130 --> 00:18:27,730
I'm sorry, Rick,
680
00:18:26,130 --> 00:18:27,730
but he's dead.
681
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:28,860
God damn it, Morty.
682
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,670
I ask you to do one thing!
683
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,280
Jerry doesn't know
684
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,280
what he's missing.
685
00:18:42,350 --> 00:18:43,750
He'll come around, Beth.
686
00:18:43,820 --> 00:18:45,290
Christmas is a special time.
687
00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:47,410
It has funny ways of
688
00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:47,410
bringing families together.
689
00:18:47,490 --> 00:18:48,850
I don't know, Jacob.
690
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,980
Jerry got an invitation to be
691
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,980
alive today, and he rejected it.
692
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:54,490
I don't know if
693
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:54,490
our marriage will...
694
00:18:58,630 --> 00:18:59,690
It's raining blood!
695
00:18:59,770 --> 00:19:00,930
Oh, shit. Find Jerry.
696
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:01,940
Oh, God.
697
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,730
Jerry!
698
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,730
It's all right.
699
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,770
The TV says there's
700
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,770
nothing to worry about.
701
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,670
The giant, naked sky
702
00:19:05,840 --> 00:19:08,670
Santa has exploded.
703
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:12,200
Blood and chunks of viscera are
704
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:12,200
raining down on the country.
705
00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:14,180
Everything should be fine.
706
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,310
Oh, yes.
707
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:17,720
Dad, can I have
708
00:19:16,380 --> 00:19:17,720
my phone back?
709
00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,190
A sure, sweetie. Here.
710
00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:21,620
Everybody, take a device.
711
00:19:21,690 --> 00:19:23,250
It'll help you relax.
712
00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:24,310
This is nice.
713
00:19:24,390 --> 00:19:25,720
Yeah.
714
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,590
Look, I guess we really learned
715
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,590
something this Christmas, Jacob.
716
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:29,760
No, we didn't, Dad.
717
00:19:29,830 --> 00:19:31,660
No, we didn't.
718
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,730
Too bad about Dr. Bloom.
719
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,000
He was a genius --
720
00:19:36,070 --> 00:19:38,300
the only man capable of
721
00:19:36,070 --> 00:19:38,300
creating a new Anatomy Park.
722
00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:40,930
Actually, I studied
723
00:19:38,370 --> 00:19:40,930
Dr. Bloom's work.
724
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:43,170
I-I-I-I believe I have the
725
00:19:41,010 --> 00:19:43,170
knowledge necessary to create
726
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,010
an entirely new,
727
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,010
much safer park.
728
00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:46,050
What about...
729
00:19:46,110 --> 00:19:47,410
Pirates of the Pancreas?
730
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,920
I think it was one of the
731
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:49,920
most underrated attractions.
732
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,510
Boo-yah!
733
00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:52,510
Hold your breath.
734
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,650
Hey, w-w-what the hell,
735
00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,650
Rick?!
736
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,690
What the hell, man! I liked her!
737
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,620
I really had something
738
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,620
going there, Rick!
739
00:19:58,690 --> 00:19:59,990
Yeah, so I heard.
740
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:01,720
you dodged a bullet,
741
00:20:00,060 --> 00:20:01,720
Morty -- trust me.
742
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,490
Puffy vagina.
743
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:04,860
W-what's wrong with that?
744
00:20:04,930 --> 00:20:06,400
That doesn't sound
745
00:20:04,930 --> 00:20:06,400
like a problem to me.
746
00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:07,630
I don't know.
747
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:08,800
Come on,
748
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:08,800
let's get some stuffing.
749
00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:10,240
I'm starving.
750
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,570
Oh, unbelievable.
751
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,970
We got -- we got a bunch of
752
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,970
robot, computer people,
753
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,710
sitting around with their faces
754
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,710
stuffed into computer screens.
755
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,840
Do you guys realize that
756
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:20,840
Christ was born today?
757
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,350
Jesus Christ, our savior,
758
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,350
was born today.
759
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:26,050
Are -- are -- are
760
00:20:24,420 --> 00:20:26,050
you people even human?
761
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,090
What kind of
762
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:28,090
Christmas is this?
763
00:20:59,090 --> 00:21:00,990
Hey, Rick? Rick, can you hear me?
764
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:01,890
Loud and clear, Annie.
765
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:02,860
Great.
766
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,720
We're also on with Alejandro,
767
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:04,720
our Chief Imaginarian.
768
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:05,850
Hey, Rick.
769
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:08,160
Natalie Jacobs and Chris Deseter
770
00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:08,160
from Microscopic Marketing,
771
00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:10,890
Zack from Organ Concepts,
772
00:21:08,230 --> 00:21:10,890
and Jamie from New Media.
773
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,230
Hey, everybody.
774
00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:13,270
Hi, how's it going? Hi, Rick.
775
00:21:13,330 --> 00:21:14,830
So, Pirates of the Pancreas.
776
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:15,890
Yeah. Talk to me.
777
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,400
Hey, Rick.
778
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,400
It's Alejandro speaking.
779
00:21:17,470 --> 00:21:20,670
Um, so, we asked ourselves,
780
00:21:17,470 --> 00:21:20,670
internally --
781
00:21:20,740 --> 00:21:22,000
we asked ourselves over here,
782
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,010
"Okay, what does
783
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,010
a pancreas do?"
784
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,670
and the answer was,
785
00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,670
"Does it make pirates?"
786
00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:28,810
No, it makes insulin,
787
00:21:26,750 --> 00:21:28,810
you know?
788
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,550
So, we're starting
789
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,550
with a new --
790
00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:33,050
Those guys are
791
00:21:30,620 --> 00:21:33,050
inside me, huh?
792
00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:34,750
Like, building a park?
793
00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:36,790
Those guys are inside you
794
00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:36,790
building a piece of shit, Ethan!
795
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:38,590
They're inside you building
796
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:38,590
a monument to compromise!
797
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:40,290
Fuck 'em.
798
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,330
Fuck those people.
799
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,990
Fuck this whole thing, Ethan.
800
00:21:44,060 --> 00:21:45,530
Cool.
801
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:46,430
And who pays me?
802
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,770
Did you get any of that?
803
00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:51,740
It's a good-a show!
44747
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