Original subtitles

♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪

- Hyah! -♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪

♪ Keep movin', movin', movin' ♪

♪ Though they're disapprovin' ♪

♪ Keep them dogies movin' ♪

♪ Rawhide ♪

♪ Don't try to understand them ♪

♪ Just rope and throw and brand 'em ♪

♪ Soon we'll be livin' high and wide ♪

♪ My heart's calculatin' ♪

♪ My true love will be waitin' ♪

♪ Be waiting at the end of my ride ♪

♪ Move 'em on, head 'em up, head 'em up, move 'em on ♪

♪ Move 'em on, head 'em up, Rawhide ♪

-(whip cracks) -♪ Cut 'em out, ride 'em in ♪

♪ Ride 'em in, let 'em out, cut 'em out, ride 'em in ♪

-♪ Rawhide...! ♪ -♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪

♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin' ♪

- Hyah! -♪ Rollin', rollin', rollin'. ♪

(whip cracks twice)

Any bites yet?

Bites?

I'm not fishing, you idiot, I'm trapping bear.

Now, shut up.

- I think I hear something. - Oh, let go.

[RUSTLING]

[CLATTERING]

I got him! I got him!

Come on, let go. How can I tie it that way?

MAN: Help!

Help!

Help!

MUSHY: Look.

Well, are you gonna skin him here or cut him down?

Help?

That was Gilroy.

Elwood P. Gilroy.

Better known professionally as The Great Escapo.

Master of the mystic arts

who challenges anyone to render him helpless

by any manner of shackle or bond,

with the exception of course of your very remarkable bear trap.

Oh, and you've already met my, uh, trusted assistant,

Miss Crystal Simpson,

who shares with me the hazards of journeying across this marvelous--

What he's trying to say is that one of our horses broke a leg

and we had to leave our wagon down at the foot of the hill.

Could you sell us a horse?

At a fair price, of course.

Oh, well, that would be up to the trail boss, ma'am.

Uh, he'll be back shortly though

and there's no call to leave your wagon out there in the dark now.

Hey Soos.

[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Don't you jaspers know better than to sit around

like a bunch of buzzards when folks is eating?

Now, get out of here. All of you.

Joe, we owe Wishbone an apology.

Yep, we ought to let him set his trap out more often.

- Amen. - Heh.

Uh, sir, um...

I wonder if you might, uh, spare me

another small portion of, uh, this delectable concoction.

Just meat and potatoes.

Oh, on the contrary, sir.

It's the epitome of gustatory perfection.

- Slumgullion. It's my specialty. - Indeed it is, sir. Indeed it is.

Tell me, how do you, um, manage to trap the wild game, uh,

for this slumgullion?

Wild game? You mean the beef?

Oh, yes, this is a cow, isn't it?

Like those ones I saw down the hill?

Rather a large group of ferocious looking animals,

- wouldn't you agree, my dear? - Mm-hm.

For your information, those ferocious-looking animals

were just a herd of prime Texas beef

that we're driving to Denver for good hard money.

Uh, money?

Forty dollars on the hoof at the railhead.

Forty dollars per cow?

Well, you don't think we're gonna give them away, do you?

Uh, no, of course not.

There were a substantial number of them as I recall.

Heh, just about 3,000 head of them to be exact.

Three thousand?

Elwood, you mustn't let your gustatory perfection get cold.

- Hmm, oh, of course not, my dear. - Mm-hm.

I was only curious.

Although it must be somewhat of an adventure, uh,

leading those cows to their noble destiny.

You can't lead cows anywhere. You got to push them.

Beeves aren't interested in anything but standing still.

Very unfortunate.

It must be rather difficult to engage in this, uh, business of yours, uh,

purely as an investment, of course.

Oh, no, it's real easy.

All you got to do is have plenty of cows,

ownership papers and a good appetite for dust.

Ownership papers?

Well, it comes with the herd.

It isn't considered healthy trying to sell a herd you don't belong to.

Uh, yes, I can, uh, see the importance of having such papers.

Uh, I trust that you have your papers secured in a safe place?

Safe enough.

Strongbox in the supply wagon.

Well, uh, that's a wise precaution. Uh, very wise indeed.

WISHBONE: Mushy! Aren't you gonna help with these dishes?

MUSHY: Yes, sir.

You know, my dear, after all this hospitality, it seems...

It seems we should show some measure of our gratitude.

Like how?

Well, how else, heh?

A simple little, uh, entertainment just to show our appreciation.

Heh, it wouldn't have anything to do with those papers in that strongbox,

would it?

Oh, my dear, how can you think such a thing of me?

Of course, I would appreciate your usual artistic performance.

[CHUCKLES]

[CROWD APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]

And now, gentlemen,

observe the endless treasures located within your colleague's hat.

Behold a bouquet of flowers.

Ha, ha.

Keep that.

Take back your magic hat, sir. We are duly impressed.

Thank you, thank you.

And now, the moment we have all been waiting for.

Our little extra added attraction.

It makes young men forget and old men remember.

Charmeena, forbidden beauty of the Orient

and her fabled dance of the opium den.

[ALL CHEERING AND HOOTING]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING]

[LOUDER CHEERING]

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

[MUSIC STOPS]

We, heh, didn't exactly expect you back so soon, Rowdy.

Oh, really? That's kind of obvious.

Yeah, well...

Where's Mr. Favor?

Uh, he's helping the army take some beeves up at the fort.

He figured one of us ought to keep an eye on the herd

in case nobody else had time.

CRYSTAL: Relax, cowboy.

You made it back just in time for the big finish.

Sit down. Join the party.

The party's over.

Heh, suit yourself.

We was just showing the boys some gratitude, heh.

That's gratitude?

- Why, you-- - Excuse me, gentlemen.

Something must have happened to the music.

Oh, why, you must be Mr. Favor. My name is Gilroy, Elwood P. Gilroy.

Better known as The Great Escapo and this is my assi--

Save it, Elwood. Cowboy here don't like our company.

The name's Rowdy Yates. The ramrod.

- Ramrod? - The boss at the moment.

Oh, yes, of course.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Ramrod.

- Yates. - Uh, Yates.

Uh, you see, uh, Miss Simpson and I were passing by your encampment

when misfortune befell one of our horses.

We were hoping that maybe we could purchase a replacement from you.

Yeah, I might.

Splendid, splendid. Shall we say, uh, $10?

Let's say 15 and you hitch it up right now.

Now? It's the middle of the night.

It's also the middle of a cattle drive, lady.

Now, there's a town only two miles south of here.

The hotel there is cheap, real cheap.

- Unh. - Well, as a matter of fact, uh,

we do have an early engagement which precludes a more lengthy visit.

Uh, that was $15, you said?

If you think I'm gonna go tip-toeing through the tulies

on the say so of this no-good so and so,

you are very much mistaken.

The price goes up a dollar a minute and I got all night to stand here.

Uh, Crystal, my dear, as Mr. Yates said,

it would be better if we left.

Five and 10.

And 15.

Hey Soos, hitch up the bay.

Are the rest of you boys waiting for the herd to come in

and take care of you?

I suppose you won't get off the road again.

It's been a real pleasure.

Pleasure.

Why that lop-eared, overgrown, bushy-tailed cowboy.

- What does he think he is? - Crystal, Crystal, my jewel.

That's no way to talk about a member of the cattle industry.

Especially now that, uh, we are a part of it.

What?

Very interesting.

Very, very interesting, Mr. Favor.

Three thousand prime head of Texas steers for $60,000.

That's quite a bargain.

All your papers seem to be in order.

Power of attorney to sell. Texas registration.

Brand identification.

Tell me something.

Why are the owners of the herd so anxious to sell them at a loss?

I'm, uh, afraid you have me at a disadvantage there, sir, um...

It's not the owner's idea, it's mine.

Oh, I see.

Then you plan to turn the money over to the rightful owners

with a suitable explanation.

Of course.

Mr. Favor, ahem, I'm only a vice-president.

Such a large investment

would require the approval of the entire bank management.

There might be, uh, well, delays.

That could prove, uh, very inconvenient.

Um, there must be an area of compromise, a private purchaser.

- A what? - A private purchaser.

Well, it might be difficult to locate a private purchaser with, uh, $60,000.

Well, then, shall we say, um, $50,000?

[CHUCKLES]

Well, a private purchaser might find it necessary

to borrow the funds from the bank's reserves.

Naturally, that would entail a certain element of, uh, risk.

Naturally, um...

I think we can close this transaction for $30,000.

Twenty thousand dollars, Favor.

Provided you get out of town and keep going.

Why, that's robbery.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, genius?

I'm afraid this is gonna take a little longer than we planned, my dear.

- How much longer? - Four or five hours.

The bank had to call a meeting to approve the transaction.

Tsk, nothing I like better than hiding in an alley all day.

Forgive me, I've been very inconsiderate.

Now, why don't you go to the hotel,

check yourself into a nice comfortable room,

and perhaps do a little shopping?

Nothing like a nice new frock to improve the spirits.

The only thing that's gonna improve my spirits is that trip

to San Francisco you keep promising me.

All in good time, all in good time.

But for the moment, we must continue the masquerade as strangers.

Yeah?

And what are you gonna be doing in the meantime?

Oh, I thought I might make an appearance at the local saloon.

After all, um, a trail boss must conduct himself as a trail boss, you know?

[CHUCKLES]

Just make sure you conduct yourself to the hotel

when you get the money, stranger.

Of course, my dear.

Rowdy, there's a star riding in.

There's a whole bunch of law with him.

TIPPET: All right, sheriff. Do your duty. All these men are trespassing!

I'll handle this, Tippet! Now, just relax.

You decide to do a little homesteading, mister?

What's on your mind, sheriff?

Well, that herd back over the hill there belongs to Mr. Tippet

and he says he don't recall hiring any of you to take care of it for him.

Belongs to who?

It's all legal and I've got the papers to prove it.

Mister, you may have a paper,

but it doesn't have anything to do with this herd.

We brought this herd up from San Antonio

and you can check on that. The boss's name is Favor.

- Is that right? ROWDY: That's right.

- Where is he? - I saw him off yesterday.

He's taking a couple hundred head over to Fort Collins.

Well, now, that's real interesting.

Because somebody named Favor came into town just this morning.

Sold 3,000 head for $20,000.

You claiming that ain't the same Favor?

I'm not claiming anything.

I'm just telling you that Mr. Favor didn't sell this herd

not to this man or anybody else.

Well, that ought to be easy to prove.

Let's have a look at your papers.

All right.

- Wish, don't keep the sheriff waiting. - Heh, be my pleasure.

- Rowdy, it's gone. - What?

Not even a layer of dust.

Wait a minute, papers just don't get out of a box and walk off.

Well, sheriff, are you convinced now?

Maybe somebody just up stole them when you weren't looking.

- Rowdy? - What?

- Think I know what happened. - What?

Well, we were just kind of sitting around talking

and he was asking the craziest questions.

And then, well, how did I know he was greasing me up for--?

He who?

Uh, The Great Escapo.

I probably told him where we keep them

and then he went and got them

while we was watching that cooch dancer.

You told him?

Oh, boy.

Well, Mr. Favor's gonna be really thrilled when he hears this.

I've seen enough. The whole herd is impounded

and everything with it, including all the horses.

The circuit judge will be here day after tomorrow

- and he'll settle all arguments. - Now, wait just a minute.

If you think you're gonna take over this herd

just because you say you we're--

Disturbing the peace?

[LOCK RATTLING]

Good a charge as any

when you start throwing your weight around with the sheriff's posse.

Bail is set at a hundred dollars each.

A hundred dollars?

I ain't got a hundred cents.

Why, we ain't had a $100 between us since we left Abilene.

- What are we gonna do? - Hide, you idiot. Hide!

You don't think that I'm gonna be the one to tell Mr. Favor

that we lost the herd.

[SIGHS]

I just got a wire from San Antonio.

- You were right about one thing. - Heh.

The herd did have a trail boss named Favor.

- That's what we told you. - Yeah, let us out of here, huh?

You got it all cleared up now, sheriff?

Not quite, but it will be.

It's up to the judge to decide who's lying.

Personally, I got my own opinion which I'll tell him at the trial.

- Meantime, you're out on bail. - Hallelujah.

Not you, him.

The rest of you just settle back and enjoy our hospitality

If I were you, I'd spend my time hunting down a good lawyer.

You're gonna need one.

Trial is set for 3:00 day after tomorrow.

Gun belts are on the rack.

WISHBONE: Rowdy.

I know. I know. Be patient.

Patient.

Well, well.

That's right, cowboy, we've already met.

Wasn't 3,000 head of beeves enough,

or do you wanna pick my pockets too?

All right, where is your friend?

I knew that, I wouldn't be here.

The Great Escapo packed up his magic wand

and left me holding the same empty bag.

Yeah, well, let's go tell the sheriff all about it.

Get your hands off me.

You think I'm gonna walk in there and admit I helped steal those papers?

[SCOFFS]

Oh, no.

I'm just an innocent bystander, and you can't prove no different.

Yeah, well, I'm sure gonna enjoy trying.

Cowboy, I'm here to make a deal.

You want your cows back, and I want my money.

The only way we're gonna get both is to find Gilroy.

You need him to testify at the trial

and I need him for a one-way ticket to San Francisco.

What happens when we find him? You stick a blade in my back?

Don't tempt me.

I spent a hundred dollars' hard-earned money on your bail

and 50 more on that horse over there.

Now, I'm gonna get something for my investment

one way or the other.

Uh...

Well, you got any idea where we start looking?

Where do you look for a rat?

Al know is he hightailed it west early this morning

with $20,000 jingling in his pocket.

We're wasting time, cowboy.

He's half-way across the territory by now and I can't catch him alone.

You better be telling me all the facts now, you know?

Well, you got a hundred dollars' worth of free time

to find out for sure before that judge gets back, hmm?

Come on.

Well, if it's him, it looks like he's veered north.

It's him.

You ever see a snake travel in a straight line?

Let's go.

MAN: Hold it!

Take it easy, sweetheart.

There's no need to be getting so upset.

Look, this is only medicine to make you feel better.

[BANGING ON WALLS]

Now, open up your mouth like a good girl.

[MAN GRUNTS]

[PANTS]

All right, now, Lucy, I tried to be patient.

Hey.

[CHUCKLES]

What do you want?

We were looking for someone.

Thought maybe you might've seen him.

Well, the only feller I seen lately sold me three cases of this stuff.

Said it was good for ailing mules.

His name didn't happen to be Dr. Benjamin Barstow, did it?

Oh, it's right here on the label.

"Dr. Benjamin Barstow's Benevolent Snake Oil Tonic,

world's finest preparation for hives, herpes, palpitations,

liver condition, dizziness and livestock.”

Yeah, he came by about noon. He slick-talked me out of $20.

Gilroy never could pass up a quick buck,

even with both his pockets full.

Yeah, well, thanks.

Hey, if you're looking to buy any of this tonic, don't bother.

He sold me all he had.

Barstow? Gilroy? Nope.

The only man I seen today was a government man.

Did you say "government man"?

Yeah, I think he said his name was Mr. Midas.

He was driving some kind of a rolling claims office.

You should have seen the handful of nuggets

he took out right here where I'm digging.

We sure was lucky he came by.

He sold us the whole side of the hill before the word got out.

- Yeah, well, thanks. - You bet.

Next time you lay a pick in my claim, Luke Boley, I won't miss!

[GUNSHOT]

[GUNFIRE]

[CHUCKLING]

What's so funny?

Oh, just you, cowboy.

That little old Gilroy's got you strung up like a fresh-plucked chicken.

How's it feel being a day late and a dollar short?

Just about makes us even, doesn't it?

Ooh, not quite.

I've been sweet-talked all the way from St. Louis to Wichita,

and I can still laugh about it.

Of course you've only had a sample

of what it's been like trying to catch a greased pig.

[SIGHS]

I've been trying for two years.

I'm sorry, lady, I'm plum out of sympathy right now.

Nobody asked for any.

Tsk, and quit calling me a lady.

[CHUCKLES]

You can bet on one thing for sure.

I been places and I seen things and I got me a real education doing it.

Yeah, somehow I figured that out all by myself.

Got anything else on your mind?

Just so you understand something,

that skunk promised me everything but the moon tied

with pure Texas rainbows if I'd run off with him.

Heh, fancy clothes, money, jewelry with real gold in it.

Well, maybe I made a mistake.

But when you're walking barefoot behind your daddy's plow

wearing a home-stitched muslin dress,

them words could sound like the end of the rainbow.

Now, I got me a reason for revenge.

Yeah, I guess you have.

I've chased a few rainbows myself, you know, heh?

Careful, cowboy.

Don't let anybody scrape through that wall you've got built around yourself.

You might turn out to be human.

I might at that.

Heh, talk's cheap.

Depends on who's buying.

You know, I got a trail boss who's gonna

be in the market as all when he finds out what happened to his herd.

[SIGHS]

- Come on. Let's go. - Go?

That's right.

Look, we just got here.

In case, you've forgotten, we've been riding all day.

That's right and we're gonna ride all night too.

You know, for a minute there,

I thought my first impression of you might've been wrong.

Crystal, the only impression I can afford to be even worried about

is the one your friend Gilroy put on our ownership papers.

- I'll help you with your saddle. - No, thanks, heh.

If there's one thing I learned being a farm girl,

it was how to saddle my own horse.

That way, I got no one to blame when I fall off.

[PEOPLE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Now, we ain't gonna stand on any formality here, heh.

Here's the new jail put up for you taxpayers.

Hey, mister, what's going on around here?

Why, we just got ourselves a sheriff and they're swearing him in.

Big day for this town. First sheriff we ever had.

He looks familiar.

Oh, I reckon he ought to. That's Black Dan Gilroy.

GILROY: Community, I intend to uphold the law and--

Black Dan Gilroy?

Why, he's the most famous lawman this side of the Pecos.

Do you know that this town had to vote a year's salary in advance

just to get him?

No kidding.

GILROY: I recall some of the more colorful incidents--

Reckon we're gonna have a lot of peace and quiet here from now on.

Yeah, you can bet on that.

Crystal, I think we ought to enter this town through that alley over there.

GILROY: They pushed that log into the river.

We had at it a cold steamer. It was terrible.

Well, that ruined the best pair of trousers I ever had.

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

Sheriff Gilroy, in keeping with the town's agreement,

it affords me great pleasure here and now

to present you with a whole year's salary in advance.

Twelve hundred dollars.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Now, if you're afraid to carry that kind of money around with you,

we'd be only too happy to put it in the bank for you, heh.

[CROWD LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

On behalf of law and order in Dry Lick,

I humbly accept this vote of confidence.

Thank you, citizens. Thank you.

[PEOPLE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

GILROY: Thank you very much, citizens. Thank you, all. Ha-ha.

Afternoon, sheriff.

Oh, uh, good afternoon.

Mr. Yates, there's been some mistake.

I can explain everything.

I've never seen you when you couldn't, sweetie.

Crystal, my dear, I was just on my way back to town to get you.

There was an awful misunderstanding at the bank,

and I had to make rather a hasty departure.

Heh, like a bug on a pin, huh, cowboy?

Yeah, well, the show's over, Gilroy.

We got a trial we got to get to.

Now, look here, um, I'm sheriff of this town.

You can't arrest the sheriff. They'd give you 20 years.

Would that be before or after your funeral?

I see what you mean.

Well, I'll just make my little, uh, goodbyes.

[COCKS GUN]

Now, Gilroy.

Now.

MAYOR: Heh, now, take it easy, folks.

We don't wanna scratch it now. Take your time, heh.

Oh, come in, Mr. Mayor. Uh, come in.

Got a little surprise for you, sheriff.

Me and the boys got you a new desk for your office.

Took it right out of the crate.

Well, that's exactly what I need.

You just bring it right on in.

As a matter of fact, everybody come on in.

We're having open house.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Well, don't just stand there. That's where we're gonna put it.

- That's it. Move it into here. MAN 1: Right there.

MAYOR: Oh, this is a good one. There we go.

- That's perfect. - Unquestionably.

MAN 2: Yeah. - I'm sorry to yell at you folks, heh.

Tell me, you friends of the sheriff?

Yeah, we've met.

As a matter of fact, um, Mr. Mayor,

folks, uh, this gives me the opportunity to demonstrate

the kind of law and order you're going to have here in Dry Lick.

[PEOPLE CHATTERING]

Well, good, good, heh.

Now, I'm gonna give you till sundown to get out of town or else.

Or else what, sheriff?

Troublemakers, you know the type.

Well, you heard the sheriff.

- Yeah, get going. - Goon!

MAN 3: Get out of here. MAN 4: Come on.

[ALL CHATTERING]

"Like a bug on a pin." I know, I said it.

Well, what now?

It'd take the Army of Virginia to get him out of there.

[MEN HOOTING AND HOOFBEATS APPROACHING]

Crystal, you know, I think we might just have found our army.

Howdy, ma'am.

You looking for someone in particular?

- Heh. - Take off your hats, boys.

Can't you see she's a lady?

Now, ain't you boys the politest.

Land sakes, if it ain't a pleasure to see real gentlemen in this town.

Makes a lady feel real warm all over.

Well, now, that's real interesting, heh.

Why don't you come in and have a nice little ladylike drink with us, huh?

Oh, I'd much admire that boys, truly I would, but I can't.

He'd put me in his nasty old jail.

- He don't allow no ladies at the bar. - Who's he?

That new sheriff in town. Black Dan Gilroy.

Why, surely you've heard of him.

Most narrow-minded lawman this side of the Pecos.

Ma'am, if we ain't heard about him, he sure will hear about us.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Tsk, too bad.

Sure would like to join you boys in a little fun too, heh.

Of course, if, uh, somebody was brave enough

to put that old sheriff in his place...

You feel brave enough?

Oh, I'm a real hero.

I ain't took on a real tough gun slick since last week.

[CHUCKLES]

You just wait right here, little lady.

Don't let that sheriff bother you none. We'll be right back.

Jail house is right down the street.

Thank you, ma’am.

[GUNSHOTS]

That's Jed Coley and his gang.

I knew they'd get liquored up and star trouble.

They're coming this way.

[GUNSHOTS]

Sheriff, you're gonna have to do something.

Did somebody say they're coming this way?

That's right, sheriff. It looks like they're gunning for somebody too.

I think I'll go out the back way and surprise them.

Sheriff, you walk right out there and show them what for.

That'll be a good lesson for anybody else

who tries to take over this town. Now, you come right along.

- Come on. - We'll be riding behind you.

JED: Hey, sheriff!

We got a complaint about the law in this town.

You hear me?

- Your hand. - Now, you go right out there, sheriff.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, wouldn't you gentlemen like to come on in

and, uh, discuss this like gentlemen?

I'm sure we can reach a reasonable understanding.

We ain't looking for an understanding.

We hear you're a real big man with a gun.

Well, you know how rumors get started.

Let's not be hasty.

The only thing he seems to be big at is talking, eh, boys?

[ALL LAUGHING]

What are you laughing at, lawman?

Laughing? Who's laughing? I wasn't laughing.

No, sir, I believe in reasonable, honest conversation

to settle misunderstandings.

Well, we believe in a little toe dancing with our conversation.

So let's see you do some.

[MEN LAUGHING]

I've just remembered I didn't finish writing my will.

We'll be your witnesses.

[GUNS FIRING]

Careful there, gentlemen. Those guns are loaded.

[GUNS CONTINUE FIRING]

You men ought to be ashamed of yourselves

taking advantage of a man like that.

Us taking advantage of Black Dan Gilroy?

Why, we hear tell he eats grizzlies before breakfast.

Yeah, well, that was before the accident.

Accident?

Yeah, some gunpowder went off in his face.

- He's been blind ever since. - Blind?

You talking about him?

Yeah. Now, Dan, he isn't the type of a man who would admit a thing like that.

He wouldn't back off from a fight

even if he can't see more than two feet past his belt buckle.

In fact, there's some people say

Black Dan don't need to see trouble, he can smell it.

Ain't that right, Black Dan?

Well, that's right, sir, uh, wherever you are.

Right here.

Uh, see? He's too proud to admit he can't handle this job.

You sure about that, mister?

He didn't look blind to me.

Yeah, well, it happened at the Pecos River massacre three years ago.

Black Dan was holding off 50 Indians

with a bowie knife and a keg of powder.

Yeah? What happened?

Oh, well, it was a bad fuse, and, uh, powder blew up in his face.

Killed all 50 Indians though.

Unh, uh, excuse me, ma'am.

Uh, I was just on my way to take, uh, Dan over to Confidence Creek.

There's a doctor over there who wants to look at him.

That's if you gents are all through here.

Oh, I'm...

I'm sorry, Black Dan.

You should've said something about it.

You, uh, ready to go, Black Dan,

or do you wanna see this thing through to the end?

No.

I mean, isn't there a local doctor we could see?

Not like that one over in Confidence Creek, remember?

Yes. Um, lead on, sir. I'm right with you.

Black Dan Gilroy.

Come on, Danny boy.

And so, Your Honor, after concluding a legitimate business transaction

with the real Mr. Favor, I found myself the innocent victim

of this dangerous band of cattle rustlers.

Cattle rustlers? Why, you bent-nosed, hat-faced...

Just one more squawk out of you

and I'm holding the whole bunch of you in contempt.

Now, shut up and sit down.

- Well, get on with it. - Well, Your Honor.

I'd like to offer these documents as proof of sale.

They're all signed and legal.

- Power of attorney, Texas-- - I can read them.

Power of attorney, I see that.

Texas registration and identification.

Yeah, they seem legal, all right.

- Sheriff? SHERIFF: Yes, sir.

Let the jury take a squint at these.

Has the plaintiff anything more he wants to say?

I believe that's sufficient, Your Honor.

As a responsible businessman

and respected citizen of this fair community,

I'd like to remind the court--

Stop lathering up for a speech!

I still got two hangings to settle this afternoon.

Uh, yes, sir. I believe that's all. Uh, thank you, sir.

Now, which one of you says he's Favor?

SHERIFF: Well, he ain't here, judge.

And his ramrod has skipped bail.

Oh, he has, has he?

[SCOFFS]

You hear that, boys?

ALL: We sure did.

Well, there's no need wasting any more time.

We've heard all the evidence and...

Unless you got something more to say.

Yeah, I got something more to say.

Well, all right. Just you watch your language.

Well, I don't know where Rowdy is but just cause he isn't here

don't mean he skipped out on anything.

We brought that herd all the way from San Antonio

and Rowdy's been our ramrod

and Mr. Favor's been our trail boss every inch of the way.

And you can just ask any one of these fellows.

Your Honor, uh, perhaps we could bring in a couple of the cows

and ask them.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Order! I said, order!

Now, this here is a court of law, not a barn social.

Is that all you got to say?

What I got to say isn't fit for a court of law.

Well, you town folks think that you got some kind of a special privilege

to step on us drovers.

We've been swindled and short-changed

and fast-talked in every town from here to San Antonio.

Well, I don't know very much about the law,

but I do know that that's our herd

and we got a thousand miles of saddle blisters

and sore backs to prove it.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Elwood Gilroy.

Well, I should've known.

This may be, um, rather difficult to explain, Your Honor.

Try and make it simple, Gilroy.

Well, sir, it all started several days ago

when I, uh, accidentally became ensnared in a bear trap.

You see, my horse had, uh, broken his leg in a gopher hole.

I was, uh, traveling as usual with my lovely companion,

Miss Crystal Simpson,

known internationally for her belly dance,

as you may remember, Your Honor.

Well, cowboy.

Tell them hello for me when you get to Denver.

Uh, Crystal, I might be able to do just a little better than that.

You see, I got this friend of mine who, uh, owns a restaurant in Denver.

He's been looking for a girl to work with him there.

Maybe even take over the place.

It wouldn't pay too much, but it would be getting started.

You get to Denver often?

Yeah, often enough.

Must be a nice place.

Maybe almost as nice as San Francisco.

Depends on what you're looking for.

[CHUCKLES]

No, thanks.

I never was much good at keeping track of other people's money.

Pa always used to say I had quick fingers and a slow conscience.

I guess I'll just stick around here.

Uh, there's a saloon down the street.

I reckon I can still dance to please most.

That, uh, revenge I was talking about,

it don't feel as good as I thought it would.

Heh, besides, somebody's got to see that he gets his meals on time, huh?

Yeah, I guess, heh.

Rowdy?

Wishbone?

Quince?

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[COUGHING]

[HOOFBEATS APPROACHING]

Oh. Howdy, Mr. Favor.

You gentlemen been out for a ride?

Oh, well, we had to go for some supplies.

Where at? In St. Louis?

[HOOFBEATS APPROACHING]

[ROWDY PANTING]

- Hello, sir. - Hi.

Get the beeves delivered all right?

Oh, yeah, all delivered.

Great, I...

You've been here long?

Just got back.

Me and the herd was just sitting around

sort of hoping we might have some company.

Well, I've been out scouting trail.

Looks really good.

That's nice.

You think maybe it's good enough to show to the herd?

Yeah, heh. Uh, ahem.

You heard him, men. Move them out.

Well...

Anything special happen while I was gone, by any chance?

Happen?

No. Nothing happened with me. Pretty clear.

Anything happening with you, Wish?

No, uh, everything has been quiet as prayer time.

Well, I guess I better hitch them up, ahem.

FAVOR: Wish?

Wash out that coffee pot before it rusts.

That stuff tastes like you made it three days ago.

[GRUNTS]

Head them up!

Move them out!

[MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY]