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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:03,739
MICHAEL: Last time on
My Wife and Kids...
2
00:00:03,771 --> 00:00:06,571
Don't worry.
I'll get my money back
when we play on Saturday.
3
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:08,377
Oh, no.
Not this Saturday.
4
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:09,709
Why not?
It's my anniversary.
5
00:00:09,743 --> 00:00:11,153
What've you got planned?
6
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:13,579
This year,
I'm gonna surprise Jay.
7
00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:17,524
(SHRIEKS) Girl!
I told you Michael
was gonna come through.
8
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:21,121
I just caught a glimpse
of a Tiffany's box
in the man's hand.
9
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:22,685
Now I'll call you back
after I find it. Bye.
10
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:27,504
(EXCLAIMS)
11
00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,331
What is going on
out here?
12
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,096
I'm... I'm cleaning out
the closet.
13
00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,696
I need for you
to go downstairs
14
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:41,337
and talk to your father
and see what he's planning
on Saturday evening, okay?
15
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,510
A fight Saturday night?
16
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,114
That's what he said.
17
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:46,446
Oh, there's gonna be
a fight, all right.
18
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,489
(GRUNTS)
19
00:00:59,527 --> 00:01:00,827
(GRUNTS)
20
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:03,500
What are you mad at?
21
00:01:03,531 --> 00:01:05,301
Same thing
you're mad at. Men!
22
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:07,473
What happened?
23
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,771
(SIGHING) I can't believe
your father would forget
our wedding anniversary
24
00:01:09,803 --> 00:01:11,143
after all these years.
25
00:01:11,139 --> 00:01:12,409
Did you ask him
if he forgot?
26
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:13,710
No.
27
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,281
(SIGHS) Why are you playing
this stupid game?
28
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,379
Why don't you
just talk to him?
29
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:18,280
I'm not gonna talk to him!
30
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:21,152
I thought communication
was the key to
a good relationship.
31
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,749
Remember?
That's what you told me.
32
00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,323
And did you listen?
33
00:01:24,352 --> 00:01:26,352
No.
34
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,417
How are you gonna tell me
to listen to some advice
35
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,186
that you didn't
even listen to?
36
00:01:30,224 --> 00:01:31,464
But, Mom,
it's your advice.
37
00:01:31,492 --> 00:01:35,202
No. No. No. That was
my advice to you.
38
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:36,159
This is different.
39
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:39,267
It's not different.
You should just tell him.
40
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,800
Girl, you know
what, Claire?
41
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:43,274
You have so much
to learn about the art
of love and marriage.
42
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:44,444
Let me explain
something to you.
43
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,372
The whole point
of an anniversary
44
00:01:46,407 --> 00:01:48,277
is that the man
is supposed to remember
45
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,879
the day the woman trapped him
and celebrate it.
46
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:54,423
It's supposed
to be romantic.
47
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,648
You know, like
those De Beers
diamond commercials?
48
00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:59,194
You know, the one
where the guy rents out
the entire theater
49
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:01,290
and shows movies
of their wedding?
50
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:02,662
Dad's never gonna do that.
51
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,230
He's just not the
De Beers type of guy.
52
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,296
Where's the beers?
53
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,336
Give me this. Give...
Give me this.
54
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:20,942
I just worked out,
and I'm starving
like Marvin
55
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,844
for some of that
steak you're carvin'.
56
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,876
(CHUCKLES) All right,
where's mine?
57
00:02:24,912 --> 00:02:27,222
We ran out.
58
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,250
Well, are we gonna run out
and get me some more?
59
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:33,786
You're joking?
60
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,821
Come on, baby,
what am I gonna eat?
61
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,289
Spam?
62
00:02:40,328 --> 00:02:42,458
Mmm-hmm. Yum, yum!
63
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,226
Come on, this is
not even real meat.
64
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,667
Mmm-hmm!
65
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,742
Don't even think about it.
66
00:02:53,474 --> 00:02:55,714
Your eyes may twinkle
and your teeth may grit,
67
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:58,983
but none of this steak
you're gonna get.
68
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,922
Yeah, well,
your stomach may rumble
and you may throw a fit,
69
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:05,349
but, if I want it,
I'll take it
'cause I paid for it.
70
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:09,791
I guess I'll just
double up
on some vegetables.
71
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,433
Baby, can you get me
some vegetables, please?
72
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:13,689
What am I, your maid now?
Michael, get 'em yourself.
73
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:17,627
What's wrong with you?
Isn't me eating
important to you?
74
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,625
You know what?
I guess I'd just forgotten.
75
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:21,697
You forgot? How can
you forget your baby?
76
00:03:21,735 --> 00:03:24,265
Sometimes you
forget your baby.
77
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:30,841
Two minutes left
to bid on these gloves.
78
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,708
Well, you better
make another bid,
79
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:35,576
because somebody
named Sexy Mama
just outbid you.
80
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:38,716
Damn! I really
want these gloves.
81
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,622
You know
what I wanna do?
82
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,624
I wanna wear 'em
while I watch the big
fight Saturday night.
83
00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,426
(CHUCKLES) Just like Ali.
84
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,728
Bid another 1,000, Dad.
What's the big deal?
85
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:48,900
The big deal
is I work hard
for my money.
86
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,469
How long would it take
you to make $1,000?
87
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,029
A thousand?
What...
88
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,996
I get $20 a week
in allowance,
times six weeks a month...
89
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,608
No, no.
(BLOWS)
90
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,635
Twenty dollars a week
in allowance
91
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:05,007
times six weeks
a month.
92
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:06,975
times 15 months in a year
93
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,324
carry the one over...
94
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,523
add the leap year...
95
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:18,685
I don't know.
Like 35 years?
96
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:21,456
You know what?
I'm just gonna take it
out of your college fund.
97
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:23,755
You won't be
needing that.
98
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,797
Why do you want Ali's
boxing gloves anyway?
99
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,573
Because they're
history, Junior.
100
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,471
(SCOFFS) I hate history.
There's never nothing new.
101
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:33,044
It's stuff that been
already happened.
102
00:04:35,443 --> 00:04:37,413
Ain't that be somethin'?
103
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:47,694
Well, Sexy Mama,
let's see you beat this.
104
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:51,590
Oh, man!
105
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:53,355
Good try, Dad.
106
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,531
Does this mean
I still have to
go to college?
107
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:58,473
Yeah. I want you to
go to one of those
two-year colleges.
108
00:04:58,499 --> 00:04:59,799
You know, 30 months.
109
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,373
Yeah.
110
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:07,784
So, I got him
the Muhammad Ali
boxing gloves.
111
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,578
Girl, I had to
order 'em online,
112
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:14,580
I had to outbid
some jerk named
Hot Chocolate.
113
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:17,545
So, what are you gonna do
with him when he forgets
it's your anniversary?
114
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:19,585
I'm still gonna
give them to him.
115
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:23,420
My fists are just gonna
be in them at that time.
116
00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:25,957
I don't think
it's even going to
come to that, so...
117
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,633
Are you gonna confront him?
118
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,631
You know what?
I came close to it
last night,
119
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,473
'cause he was getting
on my nerves.
120
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:33,029
And it almost came
out of my mouth.
121
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,066
I got to the edge,
but then I backed off.
122
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:38,112
'Cause you know what?
I remembered
that little blue box.
123
00:05:38,138 --> 00:05:41,068
And we all know
what those little
blue boxes mean.
124
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,678
BOTH: Diamonds.
125
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:47,008
Hey.
Well, well, well.
126
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,447
If it ain't
Jake and the Fatman.
127
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:53,686
Don't listen to him.
128
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,421
You promised to
be nice, Michael.
129
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,986
I'm sorry. My bad.
130
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:59,464
Look, I'm going
to the driving range
to hit some balls.
131
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,433
(SCOFFS)
Need any help?
132
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,559
I said "hit 'em,"
not bust 'em.
133
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,500
Anyway, baby, stay
out of the garage
134
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,696
because I'm working
on a little project
out there, okay?
135
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,008
Oh, okay. No problem.
All right?
136
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,069
All right.
I love you.
137
00:06:13,106 --> 00:06:15,436
I love you, too. Bye.
138
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:16,506
Have a good time!
139
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,114
MICHAEL: Okay. Bye, Della.
140
00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,080
Oh, my God!
See, girl,
141
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,524
he probably hid my
present in the garage.
Did you hear that?
142
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:26,722
Okay. But how long
do we wait?
143
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:29,194
Come on, now.
I am not gonna go
out there snooping.
144
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,592
My man asked me
not to go out
into that garage
145
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:34,456
(CAR ENGINE STARTING)
and I am not the kind
of woman who...
146
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,455
Come on, girl, let's go.
147
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,735
Okay, you see
anything unusual?
148
00:06:43,771 --> 00:06:46,471
Uh, no, girl.
Everything
looks the same.
149
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,637
Except... Uh-oh!
150
00:06:48,676 --> 00:06:49,976
Uh-oh.
151
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,950
He painted the floor.
152
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:53,709
Well, that's
a lousy present.
153
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:56,675
It's not a present, Wanda.
154
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,217
It's to keep us away
from the present.
155
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:01,122
Look, we're
already in here,
156
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:04,194
where's the one place
Michael would think
we would never look?
157
00:07:05,993 --> 00:07:07,193
BOTH: Toolbox.
158
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,497
(GIGGLING)
159
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:10,703
All right.
160
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:15,901
Open it... Open.
Open it!
161
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:19,136
You know what?
I don't know if I wanna
spoil the surprise.
162
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,642
Just do the
surprise look.
163
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,105
Like I do.
164
00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:25,883
(EXCLAIMING)
165
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:26,983
It works in bed, too.
166
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,524
Give me this.
167
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:31,917
Oh, my God.
168
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:35,022
A bag of golf tees?
This isn't for me!
169
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,685
(DOORBELL RINGING)
170
00:07:38,526 --> 00:07:40,886
(RINGING CONTINUES)
171
00:07:40,928 --> 00:07:43,258
Does anybody hear
the doorbell?
172
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,126
Am I the only one
who lives in this house?
173
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:49,066
I guess you guys forgot
we had a door, too.
174
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,238
Are you Ms. Kyle?
175
00:07:52,272 --> 00:07:53,542
Yeah.
176
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:54,411
These are for you.
177
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:57,041
(GASPING) Oh, my...
They're beautiful!
178
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,177
Thank you. Hold on,
one second.
179
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,023
Thank you.
Thank you.
180
00:08:02,049 --> 00:08:03,579
(SCREAMING) Oh!
181
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:06,154
My baby!
182
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,246
Good morning, Mom.
183
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:10,217
Oh, Claire. Your daddy
is something else.
184
00:08:10,257 --> 00:08:13,027
Girl, he really had me
going for a while,
then he sent me these.
185
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,260
Oh, they're beautiful.
186
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:18,925
"To the most beautiful girl
in the whole wide world."
187
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,997
That would be me.
188
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,235
He still thinks of me
as his little girl.
189
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,111
"Sorry about the
misunderstanding."
190
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:30,009
I forgive you, baby.
191
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:34,213
"I can't wait to see
the smile that sets
my heart ablaze."
192
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,577
It's this smile,
right here.
193
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,121
"Love, Tony." Tony?
194
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,263
Oh, my God.
They're for me.
195
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,989
What?
196
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,994
After watching all
this drama with you
and Dad,
197
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,826
I decided
to take your advice
and call Tony.
198
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,672
It turns out the girl
at his game calling
him her sweetie pie
199
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:55,069
was his cousin.
He wasn't cheating on me.
Isn't that great?
200
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,672
Yeah, wonderful.
201
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,935
(MICHAEL WHISTLING)
202
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,218
Good morning, baby.
203
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,319
Hey.
204
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:11,620
Are you all right?
205
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:12,952
I'm fine.
Are you sure?
206
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:16,616
I'm fine. I'm fine.
I said I'm fine.
I'm fine.
207
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,327
You sure are fine.
"Fine" describes you.
208
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:22,059
You know how fine you are?
You're so fine,
I need some sugar.
209
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,865
Come here,
give me some sugar.
210
00:09:24,898 --> 00:09:25,828
That there is sugar.
That's sugar.
211
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,996
I may play 36 holes today
with all that sugar.
212
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:33,066
Can't start my day.
Got my diabetes acting up,
all sweet over there.
213
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,081
That sugar.
214
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:39,049
So, what you got
planned for today?
215
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,379
You know what, Michael?
You know what I might do?
216
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,853
I think I'm going to
have a drink with Wanda.
217
00:09:42,883 --> 00:09:44,083
That's what
I'm gonna do today.
218
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,417
That's a good idea.
219
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,122
You know, that's
the only way I could
take that woman. Drunk.
220
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:48,864
(MICHAEL LAUGHING)
221
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:51,089
Hey, don't worry about me.
I'll be back late. Okay?
222
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,834
Yeah, whatever.
223
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:05,143
I ain't one to say
that your husband
ain't no good.
224
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:08,382
But your husband
ain't no good.
225
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,378
You would think
that I would get some
kind of appreciation
226
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:13,080
for being the mother
of his three children.
227
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,853
That's right.
You've just ruined
your figure for nothing.
228
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,353
I did, didn't I?
229
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,224
Just destroyed it!
230
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,322
Look at you.
231
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,764
Breasts all on
your lap.
232
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,161
Hips spilling
off the chair.
233
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:30,703
Stomach all swelled up
like a Somalia.
234
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,271
You're just a shell of
what you used to be, Jay.
235
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,899
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
236
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,204
Let me rag on me, okay?
237
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:38,066
I was just trying
to be supportive.
238
00:10:38,105 --> 00:10:41,105
Well, I could use
a little less
of your support.
239
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,941
I just still can't believe
that this is all the thanks
that I get
240
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,977
for everything
I've done for him.
241
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,283
See, that's the problem.
You've done too much.
242
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:52,215
All that Suzy Homemaker
crap makes a man
take you for granted.
243
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:55,892
And then they start
wiping their feet on you
like a dirty doormat,
244
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:58,463
locking you out
their bedroom,
245
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:03,901
calling the police every time
you drive by their house
with the lights off.
246
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:06,001
I guess I've just
been stupid, huh?
247
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,103
Oh, you've been
a damn fool.
248
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,204
You know what? I have.
249
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,965
And what makes
matters worse
250
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:13,443
is that I spent
a small fortune just to
surprise him with these.
251
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:15,043
Oh, these are
the gloves.
252
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,435
Yeah, girl,
they came today.
253
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,606
Ali signed 'em himself.
254
00:11:17,644 --> 00:11:21,054
Oh, well,
your husband certainly
doesn't deserve these.
255
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,181
Now, let me
tell you something,
if it was me,
256
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:26,116
I would go home
and give peanut head
a piece of my mind.
257
00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,093
You know what?
You're not me.
258
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,961
That's my man.
I'm gonna handle that.
Okay?
259
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,031
Okay.
260
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:33,929
I'm gonna handle
it right now.
261
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:35,461
Wait, wait,
where are you going?
262
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,265
I'm gonna
give peanut head
a piece of my mind.
263
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:40,967
Michael Richard Kyle.
264
00:11:41,001 --> 00:11:42,071
Hi, baby.
265
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,442
Don't you "hi, baby" me.
266
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:48,781
You thoughtless,
selfish, inconsiderate
excuse of a man.
267
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:51,436
After all these years,
after everything
that I've done for you,
268
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,208
this is the thanks
that I get?
269
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:54,476
Have you been drinking?
270
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,784
Yeah, I had
a drink or four.
271
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,791
But I can hold
my liquor, Michael.
272
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:03,957
Just like I held those
three babies in my belly
for nine months.
273
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:06,891
Two C-sections,
just for Junior's
head alone.
274
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,501
What did I do, baby?
275
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,159
"What did you do?"
he said.
276
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:13,928
I gotta hit him.
I gotta hit him.
277
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,167
I'm gonna tell you
what you did, Michael.
278
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,072
What?
You forgot what today is.
279
00:12:17,104 --> 00:12:19,414
The most important day
of our lives!
280
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:21,539
And you went
to go play golf.
281
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:23,984
Oh, that felt good.
282
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,851
Okay, so, so, so...
So, what you're
trying to say
283
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,480
is if a thoughtless,
selfish, inconsiderate,
284
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:30,876
poor excuse for a man
like me...
Mmm-hmm.
285
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:35,058
...would ask you to
renew our wedding vows,
you'd probably say no?
286
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,418
No. Hell, no!
287
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,926
I'll be damned
if I make the same
mistake twice.
288
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:41,529
Even if I got down
on one knee,
like this here,
289
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:47,101
and I told you
that these last 15 years,
minus the last 10 minutes,
290
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:51,944
have been the most wonderful,
incredible years of my life,
you'd still say no?
291
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,840
I might consider it.
292
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:59,376
If I took your hand
like this, here, and I
looked you in your eye,
293
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,882
and I told you
that I'd love you
more than life itself,
294
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,520
you'd still say no?
295
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:09,122
Don't put words
in my mouth, Michael.
296
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,586
Jay, we kind of rushed
it the first time.
297
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,594
Remember, we were
down at city hall.
298
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,126
You were pregnant
with Junior,
299
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,932
your daddy had that
shotgun to my back.
300
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,066
I want to do it right.
301
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,102
Janet Marie,
302
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:27,137
will you marry me tonight
for our anniversary?
303
00:13:28,876 --> 00:13:31,436
Yes. Yes, baby!
304
00:13:31,478 --> 00:13:33,478
But I don't have
anything to wear. I...
305
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,423
Of course you do.
I took care
of everything.
306
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:37,418
Just like in one of those
De Beers commercials.
307
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:39,390
Oh! Sweetie.
308
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:43,517
See, I told you.
I told you
he was romantic.
309
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,356
So, baldy bean
did good for once.
310
00:13:46,393 --> 00:13:48,003
Girl, let's get
you dressed.
311
00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:49,198
(SHRIEKS)
312
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:01,371
Listen, I really want to
thank you for giving up
your golf game, Johnny.
313
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:03,978
The way I play,
I should've given it up
five years ago.
314
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:05,911
(LAUGHING)
That's a joke.
315
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,476
Yeah.
316
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:10,584
I wanna be known
as the comedy minister.
317
00:14:10,617 --> 00:14:14,487
Yeah, well, maybe
the Lord will help you
with your punch lines.
318
00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:18,031
(SINGING BACK AT ONE)
319
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:57,631
Oh, my God.
Tell me that is not
Brian McKnight.
320
00:14:57,664 --> 00:14:58,674
That's not
Brian McKnight.
321
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,298
Yes, it is, Junior.
322
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,573
Then why did you just
tell me to tell you...
323
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,971
Shut up, boy,
and get me
to the altar.
324
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,391
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
325
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,993
Thank you, Brian.
326
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:26,392
(PEOPLE APPLAUDING)
327
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:29,556
We're joined together
among family and friends
328
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:34,596
to rejoin Michael and Jay
in holy matrimony.
329
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:37,004
Who presents this
woman to this man?
330
00:15:37,004 --> 00:15:38,314
I do.
331
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:40,338
You're not supposed
to say "I do."
332
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,583
I don't? Who does?
I do.
333
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,309
I know pronounce you
father and son.
334
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:50,276
Now, both of you shut up
and let me get on
with my ceremony.
335
00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:53,087
Michael, would you
like to say something
to your bride?
336
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,550
No, I'm cool.
337
00:15:55,588 --> 00:15:57,018
Yes.
338
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:03,602
I take you, Jay,
to be my wedded wife.
339
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:08,500
I promise to continue
to love and cherish
and honor you.
340
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:13,035
To keep and comfort you
in sickness and health,
341
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:16,310
for richer, for poorer,
till death do us part.
342
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,054
And on a personal note,
343
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,706
I wanna say that
the sex with this woman
has been amazing.
344
00:16:21,748 --> 00:16:23,548
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
345
00:16:26,619 --> 00:16:29,389
And, Jay?
346
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,762
Oh, I don't...
I didn't prepare anything.
I didn't...
347
00:16:31,791 --> 00:16:34,591
Not to worry. I took
care of everything.
348
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:42,766
"Boy, am I a lucky woman.
349
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:46,672
"A very, very lucky woman.
I mean, look at him, handsome,
350
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,306
"dashing..."
351
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,276
Come on, stop. Stop.
This is about you, Jay.
352
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,586
(SIGHING)
It goes on to say,
353
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:01,618
"Also, on a personal note,
the sex with this man
has been fabulous."
354
00:17:01,654 --> 00:17:03,224
Michael...
355
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,258
Okay, turn it over.
356
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,504
All right.
357
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:13,169
"I take you, Michael,
to be my wedded husband,
358
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,540
"I promise to
continue to love,
cherish and honor you.
359
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:21,140
"To keep and comfort you
in sickness and in health,
360
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:24,435
"for richer or for poorer,
361
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:26,607
"till death do us part."
362
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,378
I'd like to add
something to this note.
363
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:34,488
I'm still crazy about you
after all these years.
364
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:38,630
May I have the rings?
365
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,328
(STUTTERS)
366
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,334
I should've
known better.
367
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:44,563
Ha! Got you!
368
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,367
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
369
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,674
This very expensive ring
370
00:17:56,576 --> 00:18:00,306
I give you
in token and pledge
371
00:18:00,347 --> 00:18:03,447
of our constant faith
and abiding love.
372
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,223
With this really,
really expensive ring
373
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,417
I thee wed.
374
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:14,393
This ring I give you
in token and in pledge
375
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,227
of our constant faith
and abiding love.
376
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:19,574
With this ring,
I thee wed.
377
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,538
With the power
vested in me,
378
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:27,640
I now pronounce you
husband and wife, again.
379
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,244
You may kiss the bride.
380
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,276
Give me some sugar.
381
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:31,540
(GIGGLING)
382
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,291
Hey, is that how you got
Brian McKnight here?
383
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,234
Yep. Found out he was
bidding on
those gloves, too.
384
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,330
How did you know
I was getting
you the gloves?
385
00:18:49,362 --> 00:18:52,372
Well, Wanda's big mouth
is good for something.
386
00:18:53,333 --> 00:18:56,473
Oh! That was
so beautiful.
387
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,313
You were in on this
the whole time,
weren't you?
388
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,509
Since the beginning.
389
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,910
You know, you really
had me fired up.
390
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:03,411
Did Michael tell you
to say all those things?
391
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:06,653
No. He just told me
to keep you away until 6:00.
392
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,649
Now, can you point
me in the direction
of the brown mound of sound?
393
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:10,922
He went that way.
394
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:12,550
(HUMMING)
395
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,550
Excuse me, sir.
396
00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,887
Mr. McKnight would
like to speak
with the bride and groom.
397
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:24,429
Sorry. You can't
come through.
398
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,869
Don't make me get ugly.
399
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,270
Too late.
400
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,582
Brian, I'd like you
to meet my wife.
This is Janet.
401
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,938
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hi!
402
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:41,277
I am so excited to meet you.
Thank you so much.
That song was incredible.
403
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,384
You are my favorite singer.
That's right.
404
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,246
Really?
405
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,291
Well, more like
my third favorite.
406
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:50,259
One is dead, and the other
one's in a wheelchair
but, you know...
407
00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,260
I'll take it.
Okay.
408
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:53,989
I can see why your
husband went through
all this trouble.
409
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,496
May I kiss the bride?
410
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,258
Oh, please do. After all
we've been through.
411
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:58,497
(LAUGHING)
412
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,270
Well, I hate to do this,
but I have a concert
to get to.
413
00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,243
Oh, okay.
We understand.
414
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,612
Thank you so much.
And, bye!
415
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,279
And please enjoy
those gloves.
416
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,908
Oh, I will.
Hey, you better.
417
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,512
My husband really,
really wanted those.
418
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,284
And giving them up
419
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,853
was the sweetest,
most unselfish thing
you have ever done for me.
420
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:18,222
Mr. McKnight,
we've got to go.
421
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:19,818
Hey, Mike.
422
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,552
Yeah.
423
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:22,818
Happy anniversary.
424
00:20:22,855 --> 00:20:24,455
Wow!
Oh, Brian.
425
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:25,831
Hey, thanks, Brian.
426
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:28,258
You know, you are
my favorite singer.
427
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:31,325
After the dude
in the wheelchair
and the blind guy.
428
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,334
Yeah. And the
other crazy one
429
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:37,366
that wears so much purple
we'd think he's Barney.
430
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,874
And the one
with the cornrows that got
the pretty hips right here...
431
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,536
Okay, come on,
let's dance.
432
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,405
(BACK AT ONE PLAYING)
433
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:45,454
I got my gloves!
434
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:46,908
This is so amazing!
435
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:48,416
Yes, it is.
436
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,389
All right,
get on in there
and talk to him.
437
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,628
(LAUGHING)
438
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,002
He keeps doing it.
439
00:21:08,968 --> 00:21:10,868
That's right.
The cable's gonna be on,
440
00:21:10,903 --> 00:21:14,343
so I need you here
to let the satellite dish
guy in.
441
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:15,544
All right?
31113
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