Original subtitles

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

I GOT IT.

HELLO? OH, HI, GRANDPA.

YOU WANT TO SPEAK TO DADDY?

HE'S NOT HERE. HE'S A BUTTERFLY.

I MEAN, HE'S A KNOT.

HE'S NOT BALD.

NOW HE'S UNDER THE TABLE.

MICHAEL, YOU KNOW I DON'T LIKE ALL THAT LYING.

HI, GRANDPA KYLE.

NO, MICHAEL IS...

NOT HERE AT THE MOMENT.

UH, OH, OKAY.

YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S -- THAT'S GREAT.

I'LL SEE YOU THEN.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

THEY'RE COMING OVER FOR DINNER TONIGHT.

OH, MAN.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO COOK THEM,

BUT I'LL BE OVER AT THE SIZZLER.

MICHAEL, THERE IS NO REASON WE CAN'T GET ALONG FOR ONE NIGHT.

THERE IS ONE REASON -- MY FATHER.

ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS, LIKE, DOG ME.

BABY, ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS TALK TO HIM.

PLEASE, DO IT FOR ME, OKAY?

I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THAT.

MICHAEL, YOUR MOTHER IS NO PICNIC FOR ME EITHER,

BUT IT'S JUST A FEW TIMES A YEAR.

THAT'S A FEW TOO MANY TIMES.

AND IT'S NOT ABOUT US.

THEY WANT TO SEE THEIR GRANDCHILDREN.

WELL, WE'LL SEND THEM PICTURES.

WELL, I'M GLAD THEY'RE COMING OVER.

I NEED THE CASH.

HEY, NO ASKING YOUR GRANDFATHER FOR MONEY.

BUT HE FORCES IT ON ME.

HE FOLDS IT UP IN HIS HAND AND SHOVES IT INTO MY POCKET.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

BE NAKED.

I BET HE WON'T SHOVE IT INTO THAT POCKET.

LOOK, BABY,

WE SHOULD DISCUSS THIS IN PRIVATE.

DADDY, IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVEN'T HEARD THIS BEFORE.

OH, IS THAT A FACT?

NANA GETS ON MOMMY'S NERVES.

OKAY, EXCUSE US, PLEASE.

JUNIOR, CLAIRE, GO GET READY FOR SCHOOL.

WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU? I WANT YOU TO GO WATCH THEM GET READY.

YEAH!

YEAH.

DAD, I GOT A DATE SATURDAY WITH THIS HOT CHEERLEADER,

AND YOU KNOW THEY'RE HIGH MAINTENANCE,

SO PLEASE LET THEM COME OVER. I NEED THE EXTRA CASH.

[ WHISTLES ]

GO!

OKAY, BABY,

SO LET'S TRY TO MAKE IT DIFFERENT THIS TIME.

I'LL TRY TO GET ALONG WITH YOUR MOTHER.

YOU TRY TO GET ALONG WITH YOUR FATHER. I'M NOT SURE I CAN.

MICHAEL, YOUR FATHER IS GETTING OLDER.

YOU'RE YOUR OWN MAN.

YOU GOT TO STOP FIGHTING THESE BATTLES

FROM WHEN YOU WERE A KID.

BUT THERE'S NO REASONING WITH HIM.

THE MAN IS TOTALLY IRRATIONAL.

DO YOU KNOW HE HASN'T TALKED TO MY MOTHER DIRECTLY

IN OVER 20 YEARS?

YEAH, THAT'S GOT TO STOP, TOO, MICHAEL.

IF THERE WAS ONE THING I COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOUR PARENTS,

THAT WOULD BE IT. IT'S SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE FOR THE KIDS.

WELL, IF THERE WAS ONE THING

I COULD CHANGE ABOUT MY PARENTS,

IT WOULD BE MY FATHER.

I'D HAVE BARRY WHITE AS A FATHER...

[ Deep voice ] AND I'D HAVE A LOW, SLOW, DEEP VOICE,

AND A WET JHERI CURL GOING DOWN MY BACK,

AND A BIG FAT ASS THAT WOMEN LOVE.

SPEAKING OF WOMEN,

I WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOUR SON

AND THIS SO-CALLED GIRLFRIEND OF HIS.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

THE GIRLFRIEND. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?

SHE EXISTS.

MICHAEL, HE IS WAY TOO YOUNG.

YEAH, FOR A GIRLFRIEND GIRLFRIEND,

BUT NOT FOR A GIRL FRIEND.

AND THE DIFFERENCE IS?

WHICH CHEEK YOU KISS GOOD NIGHT.

JUST HELP ME TALK TO HIM, PLEASE.

WHAT IS THIS SUDDEN CONCERN WITH JUNIOR AND GIRLS?

MICHAEL, HE IS 16.

AND?

AND YOU REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN WE WERE 16?

OH, YEAH. JUNIOR.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

COME IN.

OH, THIS IS BAD.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

BOTH OF YOU HERE AT THE SAME TIME?

LOOK, YOUR MOTHER AND I WANT TO TALK TO YOU

ABOUT THIS GIRLFRIEND OF YOURS.

OH, YOU MEAN LORRAINE?

LORRAINE?

I NEVER MET A LORRAINE THAT WASN'T A SLUT.

REALLY?

UH, BABY, MAYBE I SHOULD TALK TO JUNIOR ALONE.

FINE, FINE.

I JUST WANT TO SAY ONE THING --

YOU BRING ANY BABIES IN THIS HOUSE,

YOU'RE GOING TO BE SORRY, YOU HEAR ME, BOY?

I AM TOO YOUNG AND TOO FINE TO BE A GRANDMOTHER.

SON, SIT DOWN, PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT...

WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH LORRAINE?

WELL, MA WAS RIGHT. SHE'S READY.

READY FOR WHAT?

YOU KNOW, TO GET TOGETHER. DO IT.

AND HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS?

YOU CAN TELL.

GIRLS CAN'T HIDE IT WHEN THEY WANT IT.

THEY GET THAT LOOK.

WHAT'S THE LOOK?

YOU KNOW -- THE LOOK.

KISS ME, YOU FOOL.

COME ON, DAD.

THIS GIRL HAS GOT A REPUTATION.

SHE'S BEEN OUT

WITH THE ENTIRE FOOTBALL TEAM.

EVEN THE ASSISTANT COACH.

LISTEN, JUNIOR,

WHEN YOU HAVE SEX FOR THE FIRST TIME,

YOU'RE GOING TO REMEMBER IT FOREVER.

IT'S GOING TO BE

THE MOST MEMORABLE 30 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE,

SO YOU WANT TO DO THAT WITH SOMEONE VERY SPECIAL.

HERE'S WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO.

I WANT YOU TO GET TO KNOW THIS GIRL.

TREAT HER LIKE A LADY, OKAY?

THEN BRING HER BY TO MEET US,

AND IF YOU STILL WANT TO BUMP PRIVATES AFTER THAT,

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT.

I'VE BEEN TALKING FOR 16 YEARS.

I WANT TO HAVE SEX.

HAVING SEX IS A LOT DIFFERENT THAN YOU'VE BEEN IMAGINING IT.

HOW?

FOR ONE THING, THERE'S ANOTHER PERSON IN THE ROOM.

[ DOORBELL RINGS ]

HEY, YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. I'M JUST NOT GOING TO LET HIM GET TO ME, THAT'S ALL.

HEY, MA.

OOH, GOD, IT'S COLD OUT THERE.

I'M SURE GLAD I GOT HAIR.

IT'S WARM IN HERE.

I'M SURE GLAD I DON'T HAVE HEMORRHOIDS.

UH, WHERE ARE THE KIDS?

UH, JUNIOR IS NOT HOME YET, AND THE GIRLS ARE UPSTAIRS.

SO WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO?

WELL, I THOUGHT WE COULD TALK TOGETHER.

WHY?

HEY, LET'S ALL JUST SIT DOWN AND GET COMFORTABLE.

YEAH.

UH, SO, JAY,

WOULD YOU, UH,

TELL MRS. KYLE TO PASS ME THOSE CHOCOLATES?

ANN, WOULD YOU PLEASE PASS YOUR HUSBAND THE CHOCOLATES?

OH, I'D BE DELIGHTED,

BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO TELL MR. KYLE

THAT THIS CHOCOLATE IS NO GOOD FOR HIS CHOLESTEROL.

CHOCOLATE IS NO GOOD --

TELL MRS. KYLE I APPRECIATE THE CONCERN.

HE APPRECIATES IT.

MMM. THESE ARE GOOD.

MMM.

SO, UH, DAD, HOW YOU FEELING THESE DAYS?

WELL, MY KNEES HURT, MY ANKLES HURT,

MY ELBOWS HURT.

I GOT A CRICK IN MY NECK

AND I CAN ONLY TURN IT THIS FAR TO THE LEFT,

AND THAT'S THE SIDE WITH THE MOST MOBILITY.

MY CHOLESTEROL IS UP OVER 250.

I'M SITTING HERE EATING CHOCOLATE,

AND MY HEART COULD ATTACK ME ANY MINUTE.

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE BEEN SAYING

THAT YOU'VE BEEN IN PAIN SINCE THE DAY I WAS BORN.

'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE PAIN STARTED.

UH, UH, GIRLS, CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE, PLEASE?

WELL, AT LEAST I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING GREAT IN MY LIFE.

YEAH, WELL, IT SURE WASN'T YOUR GRADES IN SCHOOL.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS HELPED ME WITH MY HOMEWORK.

I ASKED YOU WHAT BUNKER HILL WAS.

YOU TOLD ME THAT'S WHERE THEY FILMED "ALL IN THE FAMILY."

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

Claire: NO, YOU'RE NOT. Kady: YES, I AM.

NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YES, I AM!

NO, YOU'RE NOT!

YES, I AM!

HEY, HEY, COME ON. STOP IT. WHAT'S -- WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

SHE SAYS SHE'S YOUR FAVORITE,

BUT I JUST KNOW IT'S ME,

SO WOULD YOU JUST PLEASE JUST TELL HER?

ALL RIGHT, UM, I'M GOING TO TELL YOU BOTH THE TRUTH.

MY FAVORITE IS ALWAYS THE ONE WHO IS ON MY MIND

AT THE TIME THAT I SAY YOU'RE MY FAVORITE.

SO WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE RIGHT NOW, DADDY?

UH, GRANDMA.

OH, YOU WERE ALWAYS MY FAVORITE, TOO.

THANKS, MA.

KENNY WAS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE CHILD.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THE THING ABOUT KENNY --

I ALWAYS LIKED THE GIRLS HE BROUGHT HOME.

MOTHER, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL MY LITTLE SISTER

TO STOP STICKING HER TONGUE OUT AT ME?

MOMMY, WOULD YOU PLEASE TELL MY OLDER SISTER...PHBT!

OH, GOD, IT'S CONTAGIOUS.

HEY, EVERYBODY, UH, THIS IS LORRAINE.

LORRAINE, THIS IS EVERYBODY. OKAY, LET'S GO.

HEY, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HELLO, LORRAINE.

I'M MICHAEL.

THAT'S MY FATHER, THAT'S KADY, THAT'S CLAIRE,

THAT'S MY WIFE, AND THAT'S MY MOTHER.

SHE'S GOT BIG BOOBS!

THAT'S RUDE.

UH, WE APOLOGIZE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME IN AND SIT DOWN?

NO, THANKS.

JUNIOR SAID ALL I HAD TO DO WAS COME IN AND MEET YOU.

WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT'S GREAT, JUNIOR,

BRINGING YOUR GIRL BY TO MEET THE FAMILY.

IN FACT, I WANT YOU TO BUY THIS YOUNG LADY

A HAMBURGER AND A SHAKE ON ME. HOW ABOUT IT?

I CAN'T TAKE THAT, GRANDPA.

WHY NOT?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

I TOLD HIM NOT TO TAKE MONEY FROM YOU, DAD.

I WANT HIM TO APPRECIATE THE VALUE OF A DOLLAR.

OH, OKAY.

LORRAINE, WILL YOU TAKE THIS MONEY?

SURE.

CASE CLOSED.

COME ON, COME ON. SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.

SO I GAVE YOUR FATHER A SPANKING

AND SENT HIM TO BED.

DADDY GOT A SPANKING, DADDY GOT A SPANKING!

AND YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE NEXT ONE.

* LA, LA, LA, LA, LA

GIRL, YOUR SKIN IS GLOWING.

OH, THANK YOU, ANN. THAT IS REALLY SWEET.

I'M GOING TO GO PUT ON SOME COFFEE.

IS SHE PREGNANT AGAIN?

NO. WHY DO YOU ASK?

I DON'T KNOW. SHE LOOKS A LITTLE SQUATTY.

DID SHE JUST CALL ME SQUATTY?

NO, NO. SHE SAID YOU'RE A HOTTIE.

HOTTIE.

I WAS TRYING TO SAY THAT YOU LOOKED RADIANT,

SO I JUST ASSUMED THAT YOU WERE PREGNANT

BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS PRETTIER

WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH SQUATTY?

WELL, THAT JUST HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE EATING FOR TWO.

BUT I'M NOT EATING FOR TWO. I'M EATING FOR ONE.

MAY I HAVE SOME CREAM FOR MY COFFEE?

MICHAEL, CAN YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER

SHE CAN GET HER OWN CREAM?

MA, THAT WAS RUDE.

WHAT? I'M JUST CALLING IT LIKE I SEE IT.

BUT YOU'RE IN HER HOUSE.

HMM, I THOUGHT WE WERE IN MY SON'S HOUSE.

BUT NOT YOUR FAVORITE SON, HUH?

NOPE. THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AT KENNY'S HOUSE.

HE WEARS THE PANTS OVER THERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MA? I LOVE YOU TO DEATH,

BUT YOU CANNOT COME IN MY HOUSE AND INSULT MY WIFE.

WHOA, WHOA. DON'T TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT, MICHAEL.

AND WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME HOW TO TALK TO HER

WHEN YOU NEVER TALK TO HER AT ALL?

PLEASE DON'T SPEAK TO YOUR FATHER IN THAT TONE OF VOICE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU TWO ARE IMPOSSIBLE.

WELL, NOW IF WE'RE IMPOSSIBLE, WHY DON'T WE JUST GO HOME?

YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU?

UNLESS THE HEMORRHOID IS STUCK TO THE CHAIR.

MICHAEL, WE ARE THE MOST DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY

I HAVE EVER HEARD OF,

AND I JUST FINISHED READING A BOOK ABOUT THE JACKSONS.

YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE CONSTANTLY BUMPING HEADS,

YOU AND YOUR FATHER ARE LIKE TWO PIT BULLS,

AND WHAT'S WORSE IS THAT THEY DON'T SPEAK TO EACH OTHER,

AND THE KIDS ARE STARTING TO IMITATE THEM.

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

I JUST WANT YOU TO GO TALK TO YOUR FATHER

AND GET HIM TO SPEAK DIRECTLY TO HER

WHEN THEY'RE IN OUR HOUSE.

WHY DON'T I START OFF WITH SOMETHING SIMPLE,

LIKE GETTING FARRAKHAN TO SING "HAVA NAGUILA"?

OKAY, I'LL DO IT FOR YOU.

THANK YOU, BABY.

I SURE MISS THIS NEIGHBORHOOD.

YEAH, WELL, COME ON BACK.

FOR THE PRICE OF YOUR HOUSE,

YOU COULD BUY THE WHOLE BLOCK.

NO. I'M HAPPY IN SUBURBIA NOW.

LOOK, I WANT TO CUT TO THE CHASE.

I WANT TO KNOW, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TALKED TO MOM,

BESIDES THE TIME SHE WAS CHOKING YOU?

OH, I SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

YOU'VE GOT AMNESIA.

YOU'VE FORGOTTEN YOU'RE SPEAKING TO YOUR FATHER. I'LL GO CALL THE DOCTOR.

OKAY, LOOK, MAYBE IT WASN'T ANY OF MY BUSINESS.

MAYBE?

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS...

YOU KNOW, YOU'VE MADE A MIRACULOUS RECOVERY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

EXCEPT WHEN YOU BRING IT IN MY HOUSE

AND EXPOSE MY CHILDREN -- YOUR GRANDCHILDREN -- TO IT.

IT GETS TOXIC.

OKAY, WELL, NO PROBLEM. WE WON'T VISIT ANYMORE.

NOW HOW IS THAT?

PROMISE?

IT WOULD BE GREAT BY ME,

BUT I THINK MY KIDS WOULD MISS YOU.

DO YOU KNOW THAT CLAIRE AND KADY BELIEVE

THAT YOU GUYS DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER?

THAT'S NOT WHAT I REMEMBER GROWING UP.

LOOK, LOOK,

THIS -- THIS MAY COME AS A MAJOR SHOCK TO YOU,

BUT, SEE -- SEE, YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE HAPPY.

WE HAVE WORKED THINGS OUT THE WAY WE WANT THEM.

HOW, BY IGNORING EACH OTHER?

I DON'T SEE HOW SHE'S PUT UP WITH YOU ALL THESE YEARS.

WHOA, DON'T MAKE ME GO FOR MY BELT.

I'M NOT SCARED OF THE BELT NO MORE.

I GOT MY OWN BELT.

OH, ARE YOU SAYING, YOU WANT TO TAKE ME ON?

WITH ALL YOUR AILMENTS I'LL HURT YOU.

DAD, IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

IT'S ABOUT MY CHILDREN.

NOBODY LOVES THOSE CHILDREN MORE THAN I DO.

THEN PROVE IT. COME OVER TO THE HOUSE

AND TALK TO MOM IN FRONT OF THEM.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

MAKE IT AN ANNIVERSARY PRESENT,

NOT FOR THIS YEAR, BUT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I'LL TRY,

BUT I'M NOT PROMISING NOTHING, OKAY?

[ DOOR OPENS ]

HEY, DAD.

WOW. HEY, JUNIOR. HELLO, LORRAINE.

HI, MR. KYLE.

YOU LOOK AMAZING.

THANK YOU, MR. KYLE.

MAY I PLEASE USE YOUR POWDER ROOM?

I DON'T KNOW IF WE HAVE A POWDER ROOM,

BUT THERE'S A TOILET AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.

THANK YOU.

WOW. SHE SURE CHANGED HER IMAGE, HUH?

YEAH, SHE DID.

SO, YOU BEEN TREATING HER LIKE A LADY?

I SURE HAVE. AND?

IT'S BAD. WHY?

BECAUSE NOW SHE'S ACTING LIKE A LADY.

SHE GAVE UP CHEERLEADING, SHE GAVE UP HER TIGHT CLOTHES.

THE ONLY THING SHE'S NOT GIVING UP

IS THE ONE THING I WANTED.

JUNIOR, YOU'VE DONE A GREAT THING FOR THIS GIRL.

LOOK AT HER. YOU GAVE HER SELF-ESTEEM,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

SHE'S ALWAYS GOING TO REMEMBER YOU.

IN TIME, FRIENDSHIPS GROW.

THEY TURN INTO SOMETHING ELSE --

SOMETHING MORE.

OH, NO, WE'RE FRIENDS NOW.

SHE TELLS ME ALL HER SECRETS LIKE WE'RE GIRLFRIENDS.

ONCE YOU KNOW A WOMAN'S SECRETS,

THE PARTY IS OVER.

WHY? WHAT DID SHE TELL YOU?

FOR ONE THING, SHE STUFFS HER BRA.

WELL, THERE'S A BRIGHT SIDE TO THAT.

WHICH IS WHAT?

NOW YOU'RE NOT GETTING ONLY HALF OF WHAT YOU WEREN'T GETTING

MMM. OH.

DINNER WAS DELICIOUS.

ACTUALLY, I WAS SURPRISED TO BE INVITED OVER

AFTER WHAT HAPPENED THE LAST TIME, BUT I'M GLAD.

OH, DAD, WE'RE FAMILY, FOR BETTER...

OR WORSE.

OH, YEAH.

UM, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT OUT,

WOULDN'T YOU SAY, ANN?

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

JUST THAT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT.

FOR WHAT?

FOR COMMUNICATING, TALKING.

REMINDS ME OF THAT NIGHT

YOU LEFT ME IN THAT HOTEL ROOM IN THE CATSKILLS.

I WENT TO GET ICE.

ANYTHING COULD'VE HAPPENED. BURGLARS.

THEY HAD COYOTES UP THERE.

I WAS ONLY GONE FOR A FEW MINUTES.

WELL, HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT TAKES TO DIE?

I RAN INTO A FEW FRIENDS.

FOR YEARS THAT IS ALL I'VE HEARD --

FRIENDS, FRIENDS, FRIENDS.

"OH, I'M GOING TO BE LATE. I'M WITH MY FRIENDS.

OH, I STOPPED OFF FOR A BEER WITH MY FRIENDS."

YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS. YOU'RE JUST FRIEND-HAPPY, HUH?

YEAH, WELL, YOU SOLVED THAT PROBLEM.

YOU GOT RID OF ALL MY FRIENDS.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS

BECAUSE YOU'RE A MEAN OLD MAN.

UM, I THINK WHAT JOE --

AND YOU SHUT UP,

BECAUSE I AM TALKING TO MY HUSBAND.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

UM, WHY DON'T WE TAKE A DEEP BREATH,

RELAX, AND HAVE SOME DESSERT?

DESSERT, HEY?

HEY.

YEAH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. YEAH. ANN...

NO.

OH, YEAH. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DESSERT?

YOU WOULD LOVE TO SEE ME HAVE DESSERT, WOULDN'T YOU?

YOU KNOW I'VE GOT SUGAR.

YOU WOULD SIT THERE AND SMILE

WHEN I WENT INTO AN INSULIN SHOCK,

AND THEN YOU'D GO RUN OFF

WITH SOME YOUNG 50-YEAR-OLD HUSSY.

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

MR. JOSEPH EDWARD KYLE, THAT IS NOT ABOUT TO HAPPEN,

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO OUTLIVE YOU

IF IT KILLS ME.

AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING ELSE.

YOU KNOW THAT CHAIR YOU LIKE SO MUCH?

I PUT SOMETHING IN IT.

OH, I KNOW. I TOOK IT OUT.

I PUT IT UNDER YOUR SIDE OF THE BED.

YOU JUST WAIT TILL WE GET HOME.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?

OH, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO NOTHING.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, OH, OKAY, HEY, ENOUGH.

LISTEN, LET'S GO BACK TO THE WAY IT WAS, ALL RIGHT?

YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY TO HIM,

YOU SAY IT TO JAY, AND SHE'LL SAY IT TO HIM.

AND IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO HER OR TO HIM,

SAY IT TO ME, AND I'LL SAY IT TO THEM.

THAT'S JUST FINE BY ME.

ME TOO.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, SON.

JAY...

YES?

WOULD YOU ASK MR. KYLE

IF HE'D LIKE ME TO MAKE A DESSERT PLATE FOR HIM?

DAD, WOULD YOU --

TELL MRS. KYLE I'D BE MUCH OBLIGED.

MICHAEL...

YES.

WOULD YOU TELL MY HUSBAND THAT I WANT TO THANK HIM

VERY, VERY MUCH FOR AT LEAST TRYING?

YES. WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

WHAT?

WOULD YOU TELL MY BOYISH SQUATTY WIFE

THAT I LOVE HER VERY MUCH?

EW, BOYISH.

SQUATTY.

SQUATTY IS NOT FUNNY.

SPEAKING OF WOMEN,

I WANT YOU TO TALK --

HA HA!

HA!

HA!

OKAY, MICHAEL --

WAIT, I GOT TO LAUGH FIRST.