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1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,235
You think I should wear
my hair up or down?
2
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:07,784
Mmm. Both.
3
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:10,238
You could pull it back,
show off your cheekbones.
4
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,108
I don't want her
showing off anything
5
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:14,146
with the word
"cheeks" in it.
6
00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,822
Taking pictures
or something?
7
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,449
No, baby.
She's going out
with Tony
8
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,285
on Saturday night, remember?
9
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,320
Tony...
Oh, that's the boy
with the penis.
10
00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:26,328
That's not wise.
11
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,730
You know the rules,
only eunuchs
until you're 28.
12
00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,702
Mom!
Okay, 25.
13
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,431
These kids...
This younger generation
14
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:34,336
wants to grow up so fast.
15
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,438
Michael,
you said it was okay.
16
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:39,440
No, I didn't. If I did,
I did it to shut you up.
17
00:00:39,473 --> 00:00:42,213
No, no, no.
Two weeks ago,
you were constipated.
18
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:44,413
Remember, I came
to the bathroom door
and I asked you
19
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,175
if Claire could
go on the date,
and you said,
20
00:00:46,214 --> 00:00:48,784
(GRUNTING) "Yeah."
21
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,676
You can't
hold me to that.
Why not?
22
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,218
Jay, I was vulnerable.
23
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,693
You caught me
with my pants down.
24
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,622
Well, look,
I already said yes.
25
00:00:56,657 --> 00:00:58,287
I talked to the boy's parents,
and you know what, Michael,
26
00:00:58,326 --> 00:00:59,656
I really like him.
27
00:00:59,693 --> 00:01:01,663
Then why don't you go
on a date with him?
28
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,355
Don't tempt me.
29
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,127
You can't stop us
from seeing each other.
30
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:06,296
We go to school together.
31
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:09,204
I could
if we moved to Winnipeg.
32
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:12,137
Michael, we talked
about this, remember?
33
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,143
You can't stop
the inevitable.
34
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,712
If you could,
you wouldn't need
the word "inevitable."
35
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:20,214
I'm trying to avoid
the word "pregnantable."
36
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,318
It's not the same.
He's a nice boy.
37
00:01:22,350 --> 00:01:25,750
Oh, that's the scam.
They're not nice boys.
38
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,356
He pretends to
be a nice boy.
39
00:01:27,388 --> 00:01:30,288
All teenage boys are
horny little perverts,
40
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,194
looking to fondle,
feel or fornicate
41
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:34,156
with anything
with a heartbeat.
42
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,173
He's a sperm bomb.
And I don't want
my daughter
43
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,199
anywhere near him
when he detonates.
44
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,365
I hate this.
I'm just gonna grow old
45
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:45,674
and stay in
this house forever
and never do anything.
46
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,176
Is that what you want?
47
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:48,811
Yeah.
48
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,882
What is wrong with you?
Why do you hate
this boy so much?
49
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,384
Because he's sneaky, Jay.
50
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:56,746
The last time the boy
was in this house,
51
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,894
I caught them up
in Claire's room alone.
52
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:00,589
Okay, you remember that?
53
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,361
Yeah. Yes.
Huh? Huh?
You remember that? Yeah.
54
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:05,760
Yeah, he pretends
to be a gentleman,
but he's a liar.
55
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:09,203
A big-headed, big-footed,
skinny little liar.
56
00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,730
You know what?
The kids wouldn't have
to sneak around so much
57
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,725
if you didn't have
all these crazy rules.
58
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,797
I'm from the old school.
I can't help myself.
59
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,336
Okay? I want that boy
to fear me, Jay.
60
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:20,242
I want... When he's alone
with my daughter,
61
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,914
I want him to see my face
62
00:02:21,942 --> 00:02:24,252
and to be
thinking about what
I'm gonna do to him
63
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,678
if he crosses the line.
64
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:26,753
Which line?
65
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:28,680
The panty line.
66
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,346
Okay? If he wants
to date my daughter,
67
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,785
then let him
come over here
68
00:02:32,820 --> 00:02:35,760
and kiss my ring
and ask for my permission
69
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:37,689
like the opening scene
in The Godfather.
70
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:39,825
Again with The Godfather.
71
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:42,832
(IMITATING DON CORLEONE)
This is the first time
72
00:02:42,863 --> 00:02:45,373
you come over
to my house, you...
73
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:48,699
You don't bring
a cup of coffee.
74
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,236
You don't show
no respect, you know.
75
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:54,909
You don't even say,
"Hi, Godfather.
76
00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,281
"Would you like a cannoli?"
77
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,584
Are you gonna continue
to do that bad version
of the movie?
78
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:06,717
(IN NORMAL VOICE) I could,
because everything you
need to know about life
79
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,864
is in the movie
The Godfather, Kay.
80
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,519
I mean, Jay.
81
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:12,928
He wants my daughter,
he has to go through me.
82
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,360
(THE GODFATHER
THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
83
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,722
(MUSIC STOPS)
84
00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,293
Tony is here to see you,
Don Baldioni.
85
00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:47,897
Send him in.
86
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,570
It's a pleasure
to see you again,
Mr. Kyle.
87
00:03:55,035 --> 00:03:56,295
Tony.
88
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,309
I brought you a gift.
89
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:03,339
It's a Wizards jersey.
90
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,515
I hope you don't mind,
I had it signed.
91
00:04:10,784 --> 00:04:12,024
By Popeye Jones.
92
00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,887
So what brings you
to my house, Tony?
93
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:21,856
I came to
ask your permission
to take Claire on a date.
94
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,795
And what makes you think
I should trust you
95
00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,671
with one of my most
valuable assets?
96
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:26,899
(SIGHS)
97
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,774
'Cause I really, really,
really, really,
98
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,742
really like her, Mr. Kyle.
99
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,841
That's a lot
of "reallys," Tony.
100
00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:36,778
Whenever I'm around her,
I get butterflies.
101
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,780
She's so incredible.
102
00:04:38,812 --> 00:04:41,922
And sometimes
I just wonder if
she likes me back.
103
00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,979
What should I do, Mr. Kyle?
What should I do?
104
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:46,787
You should act like a man.
That's what you should do.
105
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:48,060
Act like a man.
106
00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,688
(IMITATING TONY)
What should I do, Mr. Kyle?
107
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,964
Michael! Michael, stop it.
108
00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,033
You're scaring him.
109
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:58,472
Good.
I want him scared, Jay.
110
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,729
(SIGHS) I'm plenty scared,
Mr. Kyle.
111
00:05:00,768 --> 00:05:03,738
And I promise you,
I would never do anything
you didn't approve of.
112
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,271
I just wanna take Claire
to the movies.
113
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:08,543
Yeah, you just want
to get my daughter alone
in a dark room, is that it?
114
00:05:08,576 --> 00:05:09,576
Yes, sir.
115
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:12,980
No, sir. No.
We don't have
to be alone, sir.
116
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,823
Just gave me
an idea, Tony.
117
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,589
And anybody
in this house
will tell you
118
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,648
when I get an idea,
it changes lives.
119
00:05:20,521 --> 00:05:21,821
Amen to that.
120
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,994
I think I know a way
that we can all
get what we want
121
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,696
out of this situation.
122
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:28,798
I'm not following you.
123
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,429
See, I give you
my permission
124
00:05:30,464 --> 00:05:32,774
to take my daughter
to the movie
under one condition,
125
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,840
and that condition is
that it's a double date
with my wife and I.
126
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,539
Oh, no, no. no.
You do not speak for me.
127
00:05:40,608 --> 00:05:41,978
As you can see,
I have a certain
128
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,079
sentimental weakness
for my wife.
129
00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:47,817
I spoil her.
130
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:52,690
Sometimes she speaks
when she should be listening.
131
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:58,934
And sometimes
I break a lamp over
my husband's head
132
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,059
when I should
be watching TV.
133
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,833
Actually, Mrs. Kyle,
I think that's a great idea.
134
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,765
I mean, that way
we can all get to
know each other.
135
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,500
It'll be fun.
136
00:06:08,536 --> 00:06:10,466
It's gonna be
fun for me.
137
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:11,774
So, do you want to tell
Claire the good news
or shall I?
138
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:12,865
I'd like to.
139
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:15,736
I can't wait to
see the expression
on her face.
140
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,036
(SCREAMING)
141
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,090
Michael, this is so wrong.
142
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,988
Baby, this is what
they do in Africa.
143
00:06:27,020 --> 00:06:28,460
Do you know that in Africa,
144
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,589
if a boy wants to marry
the chief's daughter,
145
00:06:30,624 --> 00:06:32,094
he has to go out there
and kill a lion
146
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,625
and then they
circumcise him?
147
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:37,032
I'm not asking the boy
to kill a lion.
148
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,936
Hey, we need for you
to watch Kady
Saturday night.
149
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,639
Why me? Why not Claire?
150
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,871
Because your mother and I
are going on a double date
151
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,136
with Claire and Tony.
152
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:50,111
(LAUGHING)
153
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:54,482
You and mom...
154
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:07,027
I'm sorry that was just too--
A double date!
155
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,500
At least she
has a date!
156
00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,825
I'm not going.
157
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,796
Excellent! I win again.
158
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,196
Mom, help me, please.
159
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:20,037
How would you have felt
if your parents went
on dates with you and Dad?
160
00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:21,983
Like a virgin.
161
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,809
(EXCLAIMS IN ANGER)
162
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,254
I'm not gonna allow you
to make this a miserable
163
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,919
experience for her, Michael.
164
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,918
Your first date
is supposed to be
something special.
165
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,020
I know,
and I'm going along
166
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,651
to make sure
it's not too special.
167
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,886
And I'm going along
to watch you.
168
00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,792
I just want
to prove to you
169
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:39,594
that this boy's
a pig just like
all other teenagers.
170
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:41,897
Not all boys are pigs.
171
00:07:41,929 --> 00:07:44,699
Boy! These truffles
sure do smell good.
172
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,610
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
I hate this.
173
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:52,769
Why, baby girl?
174
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,266
I'm a teenager.
175
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,577
I can't be seen
out on a date
with my parents.
176
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,580
No one will
ever ask me out
on a date again.
177
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,912
Oh, this just gets
better and better.
178
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,248
Stop it.
179
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:04,752
We are not old, baby.
We're hip.
180
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:08,555
Yeah! We down!
Hey, Jack, what's going on?
181
00:08:09,757 --> 00:08:12,787
What? B-boy.
182
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:15,826
Huh? Isn't that
the joyski or what?
183
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,600
Mom, nobody says,
184
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,802
(IMITATING MICHAEL)
"Yeah, we're hip.
This hip or what?"
185
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,804
No. No one says that.
186
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,637
Baby, what is
the cool new slang?
187
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:28,283
Yeah, what's the jive
they be talking now?
188
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,712
Dealio.
189
00:08:32,713 --> 00:08:34,283
(DOORBELL RINGING)
190
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,854
I'll get it.
191
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:37,693
He's late,
just for the record.
192
00:08:38,886 --> 00:08:40,746
Hey, it's Tony, everybody.
193
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:41,988
I'm sorry I'm late.
194
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,292
I had to rescue
some orphans from
a burning building.
195
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:47,603
Oh, yeah,
that happens all the time.
Happened to me twice today.
196
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,325
It doesn't matter.
Now you're here.
197
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:51,232
Is there anything special
you guys wanna see?
198
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:53,274
Yeah, I'd like
to see you guys
stay home tonight.
199
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,270
Let me see
if that's playing.
Stay home tonight?
200
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:57,973
Stay home... No.
201
00:08:58,005 --> 00:09:00,665
But you know what,
the new Vin Diesel
movie is out.
202
00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:01,778
Things Blow Up.
203
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:03,339
No, baby.
204
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,206
No. I wanted to
see the new
Merchant Ivory movie.
205
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,275
What's that one called?
206
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,653
An Afternoon in the Evening.
207
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,252
Oh, come on, Jay.
You know what?
208
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:11,723
Tony, you decide.
209
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,952
Listen, Pamela Anderson
is in Things Blow Up.
210
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:17,257
So, we know
at least two things
are going to be blowing up.
211
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,870
Gosh, I don't know,
Mr. Kyle. It's rated R.
212
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,339
Well, would you rather see
An Afternoon in the Evening?
213
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,938
Oh, come on, Jay,
that English crap
214
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:33,370
only appeals to...
To women and
homosexual men.
215
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,636
MAN ON SCREEN:
Elizabeth, have you seen
my red codpiece?
216
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:44,645
Come on, Junior.
I'm bored.
Let's play Candy Land.
217
00:09:44,685 --> 00:09:46,045
No.
218
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,086
Okay, then let's watch
Snow White.
219
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,391
No!
220
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:53,332
(SIGHS) Then what can we do?
221
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:56,660
I don't know.
We could play restaurant.
222
00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:58,227
Okay. How do you play that?
223
00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,395
Okay, I'll be the customer,
you'll be the waitress.
224
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:04,173
And you could take my order.
Go get me a cookie, waitress.
225
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:12,252
What? No plate?
What type of
restaurant is this?
226
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,681
(SIGHS)
227
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,420
And what about my drink?
228
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,321
Get me a soda.
229
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,192
(EXCLAIMS IN FRUSTRATION)
And no ice,
230
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,790
'cause you know
I got sensitive teeth.
231
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,320
(SIGHS)
232
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:25,257
Hurry up!
233
00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:27,832
I'll talk to your manager
and get you fired.
234
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,035
Here you go,
mister customer.
235
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,440
Just the way you like it.
236
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,112
Thank you, waitress.
Hmm.
237
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,282
What, no tip?
238
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:45,010
Oh, I'm sorry.
239
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,716
Here you go,
a shiny new dime.
240
00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:51,380
I have a whole
bunch of these.
241
00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:52,448
You do?
242
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,145
A whole jar full.
243
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,257
Well, I wouldn't do this
for everybody,
244
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,359
but I'll give you
a big giant nickel
245
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,461
for every teeny weenie
dime you have.
246
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,733
Really?
247
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,232
Yes, now go get them.
248
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:04,363
Okay.
249
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,372
Sucker!
250
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,440
I just found a way
to triple my money.
251
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,037
Mmm.
252
00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,405
A little thick.
253
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:22,017
Your money is no
good here, Mr. Kyle,
254
00:11:22,049 --> 00:11:23,479
I mean,
you've allowed me
to go out with Claire.
255
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:26,086
The least I can do
is buy snacks.
256
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:29,459
Great. You know,
I'll have two hotdogs,
257
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,089
give me a Pepsi,
a large one.
258
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,494
Jumbo.
Give me the trough.
259
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:35,495
And I want
some of these
Nestle Crunch.
260
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,358
Give me some licorice.
261
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,997
Give me about
five of those
Boston Baked Beans.
262
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,273
You know what,
just give me one
of each candy
263
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,302
and wrap up a couple of
those pretzels to go.
264
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:47,107
And do you have
roast beef sandwiches?
265
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,479
And for you, sir?
266
00:11:51,511 --> 00:11:53,211
Can I get
a job application?
267
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:58,088
It's okay. Look,
I'll take care of it.
Listen.
268
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,349
Now that we got all
these munchies,
269
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,788
wanna go outside
and get high?
270
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,288
What?
271
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:07,456
Smoke a joint.
272
00:12:07,494 --> 00:12:09,304
You know, a little...
Just a little...
273
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:11,159
(INHALING SHARPLY)
274
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:12,398
(GURGLING)
275
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,973
Wait. You do that?
Yeah!
276
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:19,013
(SCOFFS) You kidding?
I stay high.
277
00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,809
I've been high
since high school.
278
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:25,951
Look, I'm sorry, Mr. Kyle,
279
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:28,319
but the only thing
that gets me high
is my prayer circle.
280
00:12:28,348 --> 00:12:30,348
In fact, I really hope
I'm not out of line,
281
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,393
but I'd like to pray
for you right now.
282
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,259
No, don't. Don't. Don't.
Please don't.
283
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:38,458
Dear Lord,
I pray for Mr. Kyle.
284
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:40,131
I pray that he...
Hey, hey, hey...
285
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,230
(SHUSHING)
...smoking marijuana...
286
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,431
It's okay.
I was kidding.
287
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,962
I don't really
get high. Never.
288
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:45,927
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
It's bad for you.
289
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,026
Oh, see, you scared me,
Mr. Kyle,
290
00:12:47,067 --> 00:12:48,467
because, you know,
a lot of families
get ruined
291
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,141
by drugs
and alcohol each year.
Yeah, yeah.
292
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,470
Yeah, I know.
293
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,507
Who is this guy?
294
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:03,117
Oh, God!
This is boring.
295
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:06,120
This is like watching
my hair grow.
296
00:13:06,153 --> 00:13:07,393
You know what,
if you would stop talking,
297
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,190
maybe we could get
into the story.
298
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:10,892
What?
There is no story.
299
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,894
There's a horse,
a mute and a violin.
300
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,856
Unless the mute
kills the horse
with the violin,
301
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,195
there's no story.
302
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:18,129
(SHUSHING)
303
00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:20,295
Watch the movie
and enjoy it, Michael.
Dang!
304
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,403
Baby, I'm a man.
It's hard for me
to get into this.
305
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,005
What kind of wuss
is interested in this?
306
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,008
(SOBBING)
307
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,447
He's trying to play
the sensitive card.
308
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,179
(MOCK SOBBING)
309
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:40,089
Oh, yeah.
The old yawn and hug
310
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,360
and hand right up
on the breast.
311
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:49,025
Hey, either he's
incredibly smart
312
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,202
or amazingly stupid.
313
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,260
(ALL SHUSHING)
314
00:13:51,298 --> 00:13:53,428
Hey, shush yourself.
315
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:54,966
None of these
people never been
316
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,442
to a Magic Johnson theater.
317
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:57,969
They don't even sell
hot sauce here.
318
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,405
They don't have no chicken...
319
00:14:01,441 --> 00:14:03,211
No bar.
They don't sell hats...
That's it, that's it.
320
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,313
That's it, that's it.
321
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,054
I'm going to
the Vin Diesel film.
322
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,079
Okay. That's a good idea.
323
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:09,415
They're not
gonna do anything
in front of us.
324
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:11,649
Let's go to...
325
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,054
Hey, we're gonna go
see Vin Diesel.
326
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:16,187
We're gonna leave
you two alone. Okay?
327
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:17,393
Oh, thank God.
Okay.
328
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:18,394
I'll tell you
everything that happens.
329
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:19,955
You better.
330
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,128
How was your soda?
331
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,433
Mmm. Refreshing.
332
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,229
I love you, Junior.
333
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,997
Aw.
334
00:14:29,036 --> 00:14:31,266
Let's keep this
little coin trade
a secret, okay?
335
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:32,374
Sure thing.
336
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:34,005
I don't want anybody else
to get jealous
337
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:36,981
'cause the truth is,
I love you the best.
338
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:38,050
I love you, too.
339
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:40,948
Look at all
these nickels.
340
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,422
Yeah.
You're a lucky girl,
all right.
341
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:46,392
Boy, I'm getting hungry.
342
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,619
Do you know how to
scramble eggs, waitress?
343
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,115
Oh, yeah!
344
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:52,987
I make it with
my special cheese.
345
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:54,126
Ooh.
346
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,396
(WHISPERING) Are your parents
coming back?
347
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,633
Should I go
check on them?
348
00:15:01,668 --> 00:15:03,368
No. It's a trick.
349
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,643
What is?
350
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:06,041
You don't know my father.
351
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,143
He pulls this kind
of stuff all the time.
352
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,205
He leaves, you put
your arm around me,
353
00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:12,113
and then that lady
in front of us
pulls off her wig
354
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:14,175
and it's Dad.
355
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:17,684
I promise you,
he's in here somewhere.
356
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,347
I think you're wrong,
Claire.
357
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,087
I'll prove it to you.
358
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:29,064
Oh, my God!
359
00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:45,349
I want you to
sit down and leave
those kids alone.
360
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:46,708
Okay, I'm busted.
361
00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:47,646
I just want to
go check on them, okay?
362
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:48,680
Just peek my head in...
363
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,145
No, no, no.
364
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:53,124
No, Michael.
You've been
bugging me to see
365
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,193
this stupid movie.
We're in here now,
366
00:15:55,222 --> 00:15:57,222
and I want you
to watch it with me.
367
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,588
Okay. Stay here until three
more things blow up.
368
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,698
(EXPLOSIONS ON SCREEN)
369
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,630
Okay.
No, no, no, no.
370
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,274
Uh-uh.
371
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,102
Just forget
your little plan.
372
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:14,108
I want Claire and Tony
to spend a few moments
alone together.
373
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,381
I mean, what is the worse
that could happen, Michael?
374
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,580
Well, you seem to be
conveniently forgetting
375
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,582
some of the things
we did together
in a movie theater.
376
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:22,624
(SIGHS)
377
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,649
Remember the hotdog trick?
378
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:30,055
Go check on the kids.
379
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:59,087
Stop.
Why?
380
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,089
I can't do this.
381
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,690
I promised your father
we wouldn't do anything
382
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,621
and I can't break
that promise.
383
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,186
Besides,
I respect you, Claire.
384
00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,096
It's like the mute
in the movie said,
385
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,728
"I see a future for us."
386
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,162
He didn't say that.
387
00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,728
No, but he wrote it in
the sand with a stick.
388
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,698
Look, the point is,
is that...
389
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,337
I think we should
save our kiss
for our honeymoon.
390
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,243
Yeah? Well, I don't.
391
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,694
So, did he kiss her?
392
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,620
No, he was
a perfect gentleman, Jay.
393
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,555
Oh, so he wasn't a pig?
394
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,661
No, he wasn't a pig, Jay.
395
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:43,163
See? Now, the next time
I tell you something,
396
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,296
will you be more inclined
to listen to me?
397
00:17:45,332 --> 00:17:47,172
No, I won't, Jay.
398
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,170
That was supposed
to be a "Yes, Jay."
399
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:52,672
But he told her,
"We should not kiss
until our honeymoon."
400
00:17:52,705 --> 00:17:55,575
And then she leaned in
and kisses the boy.
401
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,253
That little
narrow-behind hussy.
402
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:03,619
After I went
to bat for her?
403
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:04,750
Oh, I'm gonna teach
that girl a lesson
404
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,894
she's never gonna forget.
No, no, no.
405
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:07,188
Jay, listen, listen.
406
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,860
All you're gonna do, baby,
is go upstairs
407
00:18:08,888 --> 00:18:10,458
and get into
an argument with her.
408
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,530
And that's not gonna
accomplish anything
409
00:18:12,559 --> 00:18:15,159
for any of us, okay?
Let me handle this.
410
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:17,495
Fine. Go up there,
but don't be easy on her.
411
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:18,700
I won't.
412
00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,531
Godfather her ass.
413
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,274
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
414
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:27,636
Come in.
415
00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:32,209
Hey, I just came by
to say good night.
416
00:18:32,245 --> 00:18:33,605
Good night.
417
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,252
Actually,
there's a little more
than good night
418
00:18:38,285 --> 00:18:40,585
that I want to say. Um...
419
00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,915
Listen, Claire,
420
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,457
as much as I'd like
to keep you my little girl
421
00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,464
for the rest of your life,
422
00:18:49,496 --> 00:18:51,656
I'm starting to realize
that you are growing up.
423
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,628
What're you trying
to say, Dad?
424
00:18:53,666 --> 00:18:56,666
Well, I guess
what I'm trying
to say is that,
425
00:18:56,703 --> 00:19:00,573
as you grow up,
sooner or later,
like one day,
426
00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:02,877
you're probably gonna
have your first kiss.
427
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,579
Daddy...
No. No.
428
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,451
Hear me out.
It's gonna happen
whether I like it or not.
429
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,780
And I just want you
to know that
430
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,215
kissing can lead to touching,
431
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:13,448
and touching can lead
to grandchildren.
432
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:17,818
So, when you do have
that first kiss,
433
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,588
stick to kissing.
434
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:21,887
You know, 'cause
there's nothing wrong
435
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:25,568
with a good 10,
15 years of just kissing.
436
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:28,874
I understand, Daddy.
437
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:30,839
Okay.
438
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,705
Ah, that felt good.
439
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,747
And, Dad,
440
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,649
just for the record,
even after I'm married,
441
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,482
I'll always be
your little girl.
442
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:50,819
I love you.
443
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,827
Honey, I want you
to check this out.
444
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,534
What is it?
445
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,666
It's Tony saving
two children out of
a burning orphanage.
446
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,202
Who is this boy?
447
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,574
No idea.
448
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:07,736
Daddy...
Huh?
449
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,814
...look at all
these nickels.
450
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:11,682
Where did you get
all of these from?
451
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,475
Junior and I made a trade.
452
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:15,754
And what did you trade?
453
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,622
My dimes.
454
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,620
Boy, you better
give her back
her money.
455
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,422
Hey, a deal's a deal.
MICHAEL: Yeah.
456
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:23,964
That's right.
Look, Daddy.
457
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:28,400
Wow,
1937 three-legged Buffalo.
458
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,928
That gotta be
worth something, huh?
459
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:31,702
$200.
460
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,431
Hey, you tricked me.
461
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,504
I spit in your Coke, too.
462
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:44,879
Again with
The Godfather.
463
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,611
(IMITATING DON CORLEONE)
This is the first time
you come to my house
464
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:49,577
and you don't bring coffee
465
00:20:49,616 --> 00:20:51,976
and you don't say,
"Hi, Godfather."
466
00:20:57,390 --> 00:21:00,390
You come to my house,
you don't show no respect.
467
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,597
You don't even say, "Hi!"
468
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,940
Oh, God! No good.
31914
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