Original subtitles

LAST TIME ON "MY WIFE AND KIDS"...

HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE YOU TO GAS UP YOUR TANK?

DURING PEAK PERIODS, I AVERAGE BETWEEN 12 AND 14 MINUTES.

JUST GET IN THE CAR OR I'M GONNA STUFF YOU IN THE TRUNK.

ALL RIGHT, JUNIOR, LET'S RUMBLE.

YOU'RE GOING TO TOKAHANA, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GET READY.

OH, GOD, NOT TOKAHANA.

YOU'LL BE SITTING WITH THE TYLER FAMILY.

HEY! HEY!

OF ALL THE IDIOTS IN THE WORLD, THEY SIT ME NEXT TO THIS ONE.

I WISH I COULD CHANGE MY SEAT.

WHATEVER HAPPENED AT THE GAS STATION

HAPPENED AT THE GAS STATION.

WILL YOU PLEASE LET IT GO? DON'T LET IT SPOIL DINNER.

GIVE ME A KISS. PLEASE? THANK YOU.

OKAY, OKAY.

HEY!

WILL YOU STOP IT!

I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW HOW KIDS ARE.

YES, I KNOW HOW SOME KIDS ARE.

OH, THANK YOU.

OOH!

WHERE'S MY DRINK?

I ONLY HAVE TWO HANDS.

YOU SEE THAT?

NOW SHE'S MESSING WITH ME, JAY.

WILL YOU JUST CUT IT OUT. DEEP BREATHS.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

THANK YOU.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

YOUR CHILDREN SMELL LIKE FISH.

YEAH, WELL, YOUR CHILDREN LOOK LIKE SQUIRRELS.

IS THAT RIGHT?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

WELL, AT LEAST MY CHILDREN ARE WELL-BEHAVED.

WELL, YOU GOTTA BE WELL-BEHAVED WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE SQUIRRELS.

THAT'S HOW YOU GET A CHANCE TO BEG FOR NUTS!

IS THAT RIGHT?!

MM-HMM.

STEWART, PLEASE.

YOU DON'T WANT YOUR YOU-KNOW-WHAT TO FLARE UP.

YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

GOD, THESE CHAIRS ARE HARD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SITTING HERE EATING DINNER

WITH SOMEONE WHO ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF ME.

NEITHER CAN I.

SO, JASON, HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?

IT WAS GREAT, FATHER.

I WON THE ROLE OF JESUS IN "GODSPELL."

OHH!

BIG DEAL.

WHO CARES ABOUT GOD?

AND HOW WAS YOUR DAY, LISA?

OH, TERRIFIC, FATHER.

I WAS NOMINATED FOR STUDENT COUNCIL.

AGAIN! THAT IS WONDERFUL!

WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU.

SO, MICHAEL RICHARD KYLE JUNIOR,

HOW WAS YOUR DAY AT SCHOOL TODAY?

WELL, ALTHOUGH I GOT MY PENIS CAUGHT IN MY ZIPPER TWICE...

I ALMOST GOT AN "A" ON MY TEST.

YOU WHAT?!

YOU HEAR THAT, EVERYBODY?

MY SON ALMOST GOT AN "A" ON HIS TEST.

WHAT'D YOU GET?

A "D."

JUST THREE LETTERS AWAY FROM AN "A."

WHOA.

TALK ABOUT CLOSE.

SHE JUST SIPPED MY DRINK.

WHO?

THE HOSTESS.

YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND.

I SAW WHAT I SAW, AND I KNOW WHAT I SEEN.

THERE YOU GO.

HOLD ON, ONE SECOND.

THIS SEEMS TO BE A SIP SHORT OF A FULL DRINK.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

YOU SIPPED MY DRINK. YOU SIPPED IT.

ZIP IT?

NO, NOT ZIPPER.

YOU SIP MY DRINK.

OH.

I THIRSTY.

THANK YOU.

NO-NO, NO-NO. SHE DID IT AGAIN.

TAKE IT BACK AND GET ME ANOTHER ONE AND DON'T CHARGE ME FOR IT.

YES, CHARGE YOU.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. DON'T CHARGE ME.

YES, EVERYTHING CHARGED AT THE TOKAHANA.

NO. NO. NO. NO CHARGE

CHARGE. NO. CHARGE -- NO.

CHARGE. NO, THAT'S YOUR DRINK.

YES.

I HOPE LIGHTNING HITS ME AND I DIE.

CHARGE.

NO CHARGING. I DON'T WANT YOU TO CHARGE ME --

DOES THERE SEEM TO BE A PROBLEM, SIR?

YES. APPARENTLY YOUR HOSTESS HERE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM.

SHE SIPPED MY DRINK TWICE.

WHAT IS HE TALKING ABOUT, ELAINE?

[ Normal voice ] I HAVE NO IDEA, LARRY.

[ Japanese accent ] I MEAN, MR. MIYAGI.

IF YOU HAVE NO IDEA, THEN WHY IS YOUR LIPSTICK ON MY GLASS?

YOU GIVE ME SIP, REMEMBER? DIDN'T HE GIVE ME SIP?

HE CLEARLY GAVE HER A SIP, YES.

I'M VERY SORRY ABOUT THIS WHOLE MISUNDERSTANDING.

I'LL HAVE ANOTHER BEVERAGE SENT RIGHT OVER.

THANK YOU, AND PLEASE DON'T LET CROUCHING TIGER, SIPPING DRAGON

BRING IT, OKAY?

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN HELP YOU WITH?

YES, AS A MATTER OF FACT.

THEY CHARGED US $60 FOR A SWEAT SHIRT.

I KNOW THAT'S GOT TO BE A MISTAKE.

YES, THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THIS TO MY ATTENTION.

THESE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE $72.

I'LL HAVE IT REFLECTED ON YOUR BILL.

WELL, YOU HANDLED THAT WELL, DIDN'T YOU?

ARE YOU SATISFIED NOW? CAN WE STOP ARGUING WITH PEOPLE?

CAN WE HAVE A CIVILIZED MEAL, PLEASE?

JAY, I'M SORRY. BABY, I'M SORRY.

CAN I HAVE A KISS?

YEAH, YEAH.

OKAY, WELL, HOPEFULLY THE FOOD WILL BE GOOD.

I'M GONNA REALLY TRY...HARD TO ENJOY.

THAT'S REPULSIVE. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M SEDUCING THAT GIRL WITH MY MATING CALL BY LICKING MY LIPS.

GIRLS LOVE IT.

THEY ONLY LOVE IT IF YOU CAN LICK YOUR EYEBROWS.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT TAMBOURINE AND WHISTLE THING.

NO, I'M NOT.

GOOD.

[ WHISTLE BLOWS, TAMBOURINE RATTLES ]

[ JAY LAUGHS ]

EXCUSE ME, SIR, COULD I HAVE A WORD, PLEASE?

[ WHISPERING ]

BUT THERE AREN'T ANY OTHER TABLES AVAILABLE.

HE ASKED TO MOVE HIS SEAT.

THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED.

I WANTED TO BE THE ONE TO ASK.

THAT'S MAKING ME LOOK LIKE THE BAD GUY.

I NEED TO GO FIX THIS. OH, NO, NO, NO.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE THIS THING ANY BIGGER OR SILLIER.

I WISH YOU WOULD JUST GO APOLOGIZE TO THAT MAN

SO WE CAN ALL EAT IN PEACE.

HE WAS IN THE WRONG -- CLEARLY IN THE WRONG.

IT'S CALLED BEING THE BIGGER MAN, MICHAEL.

I LIKE THAT, JAY. I COULD LIVE WITH THAT.

"BE THE BIGGER MAN." I LIKE THE WAY THAT SOUNDS.

ON MY RéSUMé -- "MICHAEL KYLE, THE BIGGER MAN."

EXCUSE ME, MR. TYLER.

I'D LIKE TO OFFER AN APOLOGY.

I WAS WAY OUT OF LINE AT THE GAS STATION,

AND I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE. TRUCE?

SURE.

I'LL BE THE BIGGER MAN.

NO! NO! NO-NO! I WAS THE BIGGER MAN.

I OFFERED THE APOLOGY.

EXCUSE ME, IT TAKES A BIGGER MAN TO ACCEPT AND FORGIVE.

THEREFORE, I AM THE BIGGER MAN. YOU ARE THE SUPPLICANT.

OH, NO, I'M NOT.

SEE, BECAUSE, TECHNICALLY, YOU ACCEPTED MY APOLOGY,

WHICH MAKES YOU THE SUCCULENT ONE.

ALL RIGHT, THEN, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT -- I RESCIND MY ACCEPTANCE.

TOO LATE! TOO LATE!

IT IS NEVER TOO LATE --

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

HE DOES HEAR THIS!

[ CHATTERING ]

[ Bad Japanese accent ] HEY, EVERYBODY! HEY!

WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE WE ARE HAVING A GOOD TIME OVER HERE.

SO, IS EVERYONE READY TO EAT?

I AM! I AM! I AM!

ALL RIGHT, GOOD. GOOD.

I AM YOUR CHEF. MY NAME IS NABU HUNKATORA.

WHOA-WHOA-WHOA-WHOA. YOU'RE NOT JAPANESE.

YES. YES, I AM.

YOU ARE BEING SO RUDE.

HE'S NOT JAPANESE.

WE'RE IN A JAPANESE RESTAURANT. I WANT A JAPANESE CHEF.

IT DOESN'T MATTER!

IT DOES MATTER.

EVERYBODY ELSE HAS JAPANESE CHEFS.

LOOK, RIGHT THERE, HE'S JAPANESE.

I'LL BET THAT HOSTESS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS.

I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR A JAPANESE CHEF?

I AM JAPANESE.

WHAT PART OF JAPAN ARE YOU FROM?

UHH...DOWNTOWN.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, DO SOMETHING FANCY WITH THE KNIVES.

[ CLANGING RHYTHMICALLY ]

Stewart: OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

OF COURSE HE'S GOOD WITH KNIVES.

HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOOD WITH A SPOON AND A FORK, TOO.

SO, IS EVERYONE READY TO ORDER?

I WANT SHRIMP, MISTER.

PLEASE, CALL ME NABU-SAN.

I WANT SHRIMP, TOO, NABU-SAN.

I WANT CHICKEN COOKED IN CANOLA OIL,

NOT THAT FATTY STUFF, NABU-SAN.

AND WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU, SIR?

YOU CAN GET ME A JAPANESE CHEF, NABU-SAN JUAN.

UM, MAYBE YOU CAN RECOMMEND SOMETHING, NABU-SAN.

I CERTAINLY CAN.

I RECOMMEND THE IMPERIAL DINNER.

IT COMES WITH YOUR CHOICE

OF CHICKEN, SHRIMP, STEAK, OR LOBSTER.

YOU HEAR THAT? [ Imitating ] "LOSTER."

HE SOUNDS LIKE RICARDO MONTALBAN.

IF HE WAS JAPANESE, IT WOULD BE "ROBSTA, ROBSTA."

I'LL HAVE THE IMPERIAL WITH ROBSTA.

AND WE'LL HAVE THE IMPERIAL DINNER, TOO, PLEASE,

BUT WE'LL HAVE IT WITH "SLEAK."

STEAK -- MEAT.

[ SIZZLING ]

[ COUGHING ]

[ WHEEZING ]

THAT WAS FANTASTIC, NABU.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

WOULD YOU PLEASE HOLD OUT THAT EMPTY GLASS FOR ME?

NO, NO, NO, THANK YOU.

I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THE SHOW.

COME ON, BABY!

DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. I'M HOLDING UP THE GLASS.

GO AHEAD. DO YOUR LITTLE TRICK.

OKAY, HERE YOU GO.

AHH! WHOO!

YOU BURNED ME, YOU IDIOT!

[ LAUGHING ]

THAT'S WHY I LOVE THIS PLACE.

NOT ONLY IS THE FOOD GREAT, BUT THERE'S ALWAYS A SHOW.

HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE IN THE SHOW.

ARE YOU INSANE?!

IT'S INSANE WHEN I DO IT,

BUT WHEN HE DOES IT, IT'S ENTERTAINMENT!

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, YOU DOLT!

HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY!

COME ON!

WAIT!

A NICE, CIVILIZED DINNER, REMEMBER, MICHAEL?

YOUR KIDS!

STEWART MARION TYLER, I WANT YOU TO GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF.

I AM NOT GETTING UP AT 4:00 A.M. TO APPLY THAT OINTMENT.

HOW I HATE YOU.

[ GASPS ]

COME ON.

COME ON!

CAN WE JUST PLEASE SIT DOWN?

LET'S SIT DOWN...MARION.

JOHN WAYNE'S NAME WAS MARION.

YEAH, BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE HEMORRHOIDS.

WOULD YOU SEND A COCA-COLA TO THAT YOUNG LADY

WITH MY COMPLIMENTS?

AREN'T YOU WORRIED I'M GOING TO DRINK SOME OF IT?

THAT WOULD ONLY ENHANCE THE FANTASY.

YOU ARE A CREEPY CHILD.

OKAY, WE'LL START OFF WITH SOME CHICKEN

AND SOME STIR-FRY VEGETABLES.

WHAT ARE YOU FROWNING ABOUT?

HE'S GOT MORE CHICKEN THAN I DO.

NO, HE DOESN'T.

MINE IS MOSTLY SPROUTS.

ANYBODY WANT TO SHARE THIS CHICKEN?

IT'S MORE THAN I CAN EAT.

THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA TAKE A WALK.

SO, HOW IS EVERYONE'S FOOD?

[ Muffled ] DELICIOUS.

BABY, YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL.

SORRY, MOMMY.

DELICIOUS!

I'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT, DEAR.

MOM, TELL JUNIOR TO STOP SHOOTING SPITBALLS AT ME!

JUNIOR, STOP SHOOTING SPITBALLS AT YOUR SISTER.

I DIDN'T DO IT. CHIP 'N' DALE OVER THERE DID IT.

JUNIOR, STOP IT RIGHT NOW.

[ Muffled ] TELL THEM TO STOP.

JASON, YOU PUT THAT STRAW DOWN THIS INSTANT!

THAT'S ENOUGH!

THEY SHOT ONE AT ME!

STOP IT! I SAID STOP IT!

YOU TWO STOP IT!

THAT IS NOT LADYLIKE.

THEY GOT ME.

HEY!

[ SIGHS ]

[ BALLGAME PLAYING ON RADIO ]

COULD YOU TURN THAT RADIO OFF? I'LL GIVE YOU 10 BUCKS.

I'LL GIVE YOU 20 BUCKS.

YOU GOT IT.

THANK YOU.

COME ON, COME ON.

HEY, COULD YOU TURN THE WATER ON FOR ME, PLEASE?

NOT SO HARD.

YEAH, RIGHT -- RIGHT THERE.

LISTEN, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY ACTIONS EARLIER TODAY

AT THE GAS STATION.

I WAS WRONG IN MONOPOLIZING THE SPACE AND KEEPING YOU WAITING.

I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT. I REALLY DO.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE START FRESH?

OKAY.

HEY, THAT WATER IS COLD, ISN'T IT?

HA HA HA HA HA HA.

IT'S DEEP, TOO.

[ TOILET FLUSHES ]

HEY, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT WHAT I SAID

ABOUT YOUR KIDS BEING SQUIRRELS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

I MEAN, THAT WASN'T NICE. THE KIDS SHOULDN'T BE INVOLVED.

CAN I GET ONE?

KIDS SHOULDN'T BE IN--

THAT WAS DISGUSTING.

HE WALKED OUT OF HERE WITHOUT WASHING HIS HANDS?

[ MUMBLES ]

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

YO, SAYONARA, BROTHER.

YOU JAPANESE, TOO?

TILL MIDNIGHT.

Jay: HEY, BABY.

COME HERE.

I HEAR YOU MADE AMENDS IN THE BATHROOM.

HE MADE AMENDS, ALL RIGHT.

HE MADE A MEN'S ROOM VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.

WHAT?

THE GUY TOTALLY VIOLATED GOOD URINAL ETIQUETTE.

WHAT IS "GOOD URINAL ETIQUETTE"?

LOOK, IT'S AN UNWRITTEN MALE LAW --

THAT IF I'M USING A URINAL,

THE NEXT GUY HAS TO USE THE URINAL FURTHEST AWAY FROM ME.

THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A MINIMUM OF ONE EMPTY URINAL

ON BOTH FLANKS.

IT'S THE COMFORT ZONE, OR THE SPLASH ZONE, IF YOU WANT.

AND ON TOP OF THAT,

THIS PIG DOESN'T EVEN WASH HIS NASTY HANDS.

I'M TELLING YOU, HONEY, THEY CHANGED THE SAUCE.

IT'S TANGIER.

OKAY, IT'S TIME NOW FOR THE MAIN COURSE.

CAN'T WAIT TO GET AHOLD OF THAT LOBSTER.

IT'S GONNA MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.

WE GOT LOBSTER RIGHT HERE.

AND WE GOT STEAK RIGHT HERE.

[ Imitating Nabu ] NO, NO, NO, LOBSTER GOES OVER HERE,

AND THE STEAK GOES OVER THERE.

NO PROBLEMA, PAL.

HERE YOU GO, BUDDY BOY.

[ LAUGHING ] WATCH OUT. WHOO.

HA HA HA HA HA.

THERE WE ARE.

THERE YOU GO.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR LOBSTER?

"IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY LOBSTER?" HE ASKS.

MICHAEL, DON'T.

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR LOBSTER?

YEAH, CONSIDERING THAT YOU DIDN'T WASH YOUR NASTY HANDS,

AND YOU PUT THEM ON MY LOBSTER,

THERE'S SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH MY LOBSTER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I ALWAYS WASH MY HANDS!

DIDN'T WASH THEM THIS TIME.

YOU DIDN'T WASH YOUR HANDS? DADDY, THAT'S DISGUSTING!

STAY OUT OF IT! STEW, NOT AGAIN!

[ SIGHS ]

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU.

I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU, TOO, SALTY FINGERS.

I HAD ENOUGH OF BOTH OF YOU.

AND SO HAVE I!

SIT DOWN, MICHAEL!

STEWART, SIT DOWN!

HE PUT PEE-PEE FINGERS ON MY LOBSTER.

THAT'S WHAT IT WAS.

NABU WILL MAKE YOU ANOTHER LOBSTER, WON'T YOU, NABU?

NO PROBLEM.

THANK YOU! NOW, I WANT ALL OF YOU TO SIT DOWN,

SHUT YOUR MOUTHS,

AND I WANT YOU TO ENJOY EACH OTHER'S COMPANY

BEFORE I STRANGLE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!

YOU STILL HAVE MY STEAK.

ALLOW ME.

AH-CHOO!

THERE YOU GO.

ENJOY.

MAN, I CANNOT EAT ANOTHER BITE.

ME TOO. NABU-SAN, EVERYTHING WAS DELICIOUS.

AY! MUCHAS GRACIAS.

I MEAN, UH, DOUMOARIGATOU.

THANK YOU, EVERYBODY.

BYE-BYE.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR -- ♪

STOP IT! HOLD IT!

STOP THE SINGING!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

WHAT'S THE MATTER? HE'S NOT SINGING.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHY WON'T YOU SING TO MY WIFE?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA SING TO YOUR WIFE.

WHY NOT?

I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO YOU. THIS IS AMERICA.

I HAVE MY RIGHTS TO NOT SING IF I DON'T WANNA SING.

WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT SINGING? IS HIS VOICE THAT BAD?

NO, I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL VOICE. IT'S ACTUALLY FALSETTO.

I CHOOSE NOT TO SING TO YOUR WIFE.

YOU WILL. I WILL NOT.

[ Singing in high pitch ] I WI-I-I-I-I-LL NO-O-O-O-T...

NOW, HEAR THIS.

[ Still singing ] EVE-E-E-E-R.

I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO BAKE THE CAKE.

BUT I'M ASKING YOU TO SING TO MY WIFE.

IT'S UN-AMERICAN NOT TO SING TO MY WIFE.

IT IS! IT'S UN-AMERICAN! AND IT'S COMMON COURTESY!

WELL, IT'S COMMON COURTESY TO PULL YOUR CAR UP

AT THE GAS STATION SO OTHER PEOPLE CAN USE THE PUMP.

THERE WE GO WITH THE GAS STATION AGAIN, HUH?!

AND WHY DID YOU STAND NEXT TO ME AT THE URINAL

AND VIOLATE THE SPLASH ZONE?

OH, MY GOD!

WHY DID YOU TOUCH MY CRUSTACEAN WITH YOUR PEE-PEE FINGERS?

AND WHY AM I SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY TO EAT DINNER

WITH PEOPLE WHO I DON'T LIKE? HUH? HUH, WHY?

UH, I'VE HAD ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS. KIDS, LET'S GO.

I'M VERY SORRY. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE.

LET THEM GO, PLEASE.

I BLAME YOU FOR NOT MOVING US WHEN I ASKED TO.

THERE WAS NOTHING THAT --

EXCUSE ME!

AND I ASSURE THAT NEITHER I

NOR ANYONE ELSE IN THE PROCTOLOGICAL COMMUNITY --

AND THERE ARE MANY OF US. WE'RE A TIGHT LITTLE GROUP.

YOU HEAR THAT, JAY?

HE'S A PROFESSIONAL PAIN IN THE ASS.

NONE OF US IS COMING BACK AGAIN!

PLEASE, LET ME PAY FOR YOUR DINNER.

IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO.

WHAT ABOUT MY CHECK?

HERE YOU GO.

[ SCREAMS ]

DID YOU SEE HOW DAD THREW THAT GUY IN THE KOI POND?

YEAH, DAD, THAT WAS FUNNY.

THAT'S WHAT HE DID TO ME.

LOOK, I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOU ADMIRING THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR.

MICHAEL, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT!

WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?

THE GUY CHARGED ME FOR A LOBSTER THAT I DIDN'T EAT,

A DRINK THAT THE HOSTESS DRANK.

HE CHARGED ME FOR A BIRTHDAY CAKE, THAT SWEATSUIT,

AND -- AND A BUNCH OF SODAS THAT I DIDN'T EVEN BUY.

I CAN CLEAR UP THAT MYSTERY.

JUNIOR KEPT SENDING DRINKS TO SOME GIRL.

NOT SOME GIRL -- CATHY. AND IT WORKED, TOO.

I GAVE HER MY NUMBER, SHE GAVE ME ONE BACK.

NO, IDIOT, SHE GAVE YOU YOURS BACK.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

WHY WAS SHE ALL FLIRTING WITH ME AND TAKING MY FREE SODAS

IF SHE WASN'T INTERESTED?

BECAUSE SHE WAS PRACTICING THE ART OF BEING A WOMAN.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY GET REALLY GOOD AT IT?

THEY CAN MAKE YOU TAKE THE WHOLE FAMILY TO TOKAHANA'S.

HA HA HA. VERY FUNNY. COME ON, LET'S GO.

YEAH, COME ON, I WANNA WATCH THE GAME THAT I TAPED.

UGH.

OH, WHERE'S THE VALET?

WHAT IS THE LIGHT STILL DOING ON IN THE CAR?

HE'S IN MY -- HE'S SMOKING A CIGAR IN MY CAR?

HEY!

WOW, WHAT A GAME!

JORDAN SCORED 100 POINTS IN TRIPLE OVERTIME AND WON!

AAAHHH!

UH! OH!

[ GRUNTS ]

CHARGED ME FOR A BIRTHDAY CAKE, THAT SWEAT SHIRT,

AND ABOUT 8 COKES THAT I DIDN'T EVEN BUY.

OH.

[ LAUGHS ]

I FORGOT.

I GAVE HER MY NUMBER, SHE GAVE ME HERS BACK.

NO, SHE -- YOU -- NO, SHE GAVE YOU --

NO...

[ LAUGHTER ]