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1
00:00:02,753 --> 00:00:03,833
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
2
00:00:03,834 --> 00:00:04,974
Go away.
3
00:00:04,965 --> 00:00:06,835
CLAIRE: You don't
even know who it is.
4
00:00:06,837 --> 00:00:08,467
Okay. Who is it?
5
00:00:08,469 --> 00:00:09,589
It's Claire.
6
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:10,760
Oh, it's you.
7
00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,341
Go away, Claire.
8
00:00:14,975 --> 00:00:16,805
What part of "go away"
don't you understand?
9
00:00:16,807 --> 00:00:18,187
I just wanted to see
what you were up to.
10
00:00:18,189 --> 00:00:19,689
I'm sketching.
11
00:00:19,690 --> 00:00:21,350
Ooh. Can I see?
No.
12
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,494
You have no idea
what it is, do you?
13
00:00:25,486 --> 00:00:28,316
Of course, I do.
It's Jupiter and Mars
colliding, right?
14
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:32,199
No. It's Jennifer Lopez
picking up a quarter.
15
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:36,293
Now get out so I can
do Pamela Anderson
eating a banana.
16
00:00:36,287 --> 00:00:39,287
So can I go to the game
with you on Friday?
17
00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:40,710
No, Miss Tag-along.
18
00:00:40,711 --> 00:00:42,831
Why not?
Because I said no.
19
00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:47,336
Come on, Junior,
why not?
20
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:48,878
We should spend
time together.
21
00:00:48,879 --> 00:00:50,259
Come on, Claire,
cut the act.
22
00:00:50,261 --> 00:00:52,341
You just want to go with me
so you can be around John.
23
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:53,473
So?
24
00:00:53,474 --> 00:00:55,484
So I thought
you liked that guy Tony.
25
00:00:55,476 --> 00:00:57,096
Can't a girl keep
her options open?
26
00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:59,728
That better be the only thing
a girl keeping open.
27
00:01:01,392 --> 00:01:03,602
Daddy, will you
make Junior take
me to the game?
28
00:01:03,604 --> 00:01:05,654
My name is Saul,
this is up to y'all.
29
00:01:06,987 --> 00:01:08,947
I'm just sitting here
playing my videogame.
30
00:01:08,949 --> 00:01:11,489
(KADY SHRIEKS)
Mommy, help me!
31
00:01:11,492 --> 00:01:14,412
There's a spider
in my room.
32
00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:16,615
Hey, Michael, can you
come help her with
this spider, please?
33
00:01:16,617 --> 00:01:20,197
Uh-huh. Junior,
go get that spider.
34
00:01:20,201 --> 00:01:22,871
What do I look like,
Spider-Man?
35
00:01:22,873 --> 00:01:25,843
If you are, your spider
senses will tell you
I'm about to hurt you.
36
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,549
Mamma, will you make
Junior take me to
the game on Friday?
37
00:01:30,551 --> 00:01:33,301
My name is Bennett
and I'm not in it.
38
00:01:33,304 --> 00:01:35,684
Okay, well, then
my name is Claire
39
00:01:35,676 --> 00:01:37,516
and I'm leaving!
40
00:01:38,809 --> 00:01:40,889
It's a good thing
she's pretty.
Uh-huh.
41
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:46,355
(SIGHS) What
you doing, baby?
42
00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:47,647
Playing a videogame.
43
00:01:47,648 --> 00:01:49,318
Oh. How was your day?
44
00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:50,860
It was terrible.
I don't want to
talk about it.
45
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,531
Really? What happened?
46
00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:55,293
It was terrible.
I don't want to
talk about it.
47
00:01:55,286 --> 00:01:57,236
Like what?
What happened?
48
00:01:57,238 --> 00:01:59,578
Okay. Four trucks
broke down.
49
00:01:59,580 --> 00:02:01,620
Jimmy didn't come
to work again.
50
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:05,052
And then a pipe
burst in my office and
soaked up everything.
51
00:02:05,045 --> 00:02:07,455
Our wedding picture
didn't get wet, did it?
52
00:02:07,458 --> 00:02:10,548
No, nothing serious
like that.
53
00:02:10,551 --> 00:02:13,251
It's just years
of financial records.
That's all.
54
00:02:13,254 --> 00:02:14,814
Oh, good.
55
00:02:16,016 --> 00:02:17,806
So you gonna ask me
how my day was?
56
00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:20,258
No.
It was terrible.
57
00:02:20,261 --> 00:02:24,271
This woman in a big SUV
tried to take my spot
at the nail salon
58
00:02:24,265 --> 00:02:28,765
and then she had
the audacity to try to
give me the F-I-N-G-E-R.
59
00:02:28,769 --> 00:02:30,899
That spells "finger,"
don't it?
60
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:33,112
Yeah.
61
00:02:33,113 --> 00:02:36,283
Baby, "finger" is not
a dirty word.
62
00:02:36,277 --> 00:02:38,737
Ew! What's that
blob thing?
63
00:02:38,739 --> 00:02:40,239
It's a blob. Shh!
64
00:02:40,241 --> 00:02:42,331
Don't "shh" me.
65
00:02:42,333 --> 00:02:44,633
And don't turn the
volume up, Michael.
66
00:02:44,625 --> 00:02:46,785
Jay, I can't concentrate
on the game.
67
00:02:46,787 --> 00:02:50,417
Well, maybe then
you need to concentrate
on something else.
68
00:02:55,506 --> 00:02:57,346
Isn't this a little bit
more interesting?
69
00:02:57,348 --> 00:03:00,098
Yeah, that's interesting.
Could you do that over there?
70
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,613
What is the
big thing with boys
and their videogames?
71
00:03:06,607 --> 00:03:09,807
Apparently you've
never had the thrill of
a joystick in your hand.
72
00:03:14,315 --> 00:03:16,815
Yeah. I repeat,
what's the big deal?
73
00:03:18,819 --> 00:03:20,579
Jay, look, I had
a hard day at work.
74
00:03:20,581 --> 00:03:21,701
Baby, I'm just
trying to unwind.
75
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,622
Okay. Okay.
Thank you.
76
00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:33,592
What?
77
00:03:33,594 --> 00:03:35,474
Nothing.
I'm just waiting
for you to finish.
78
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,006
Might be
a couple of hours.
79
00:03:37,678 --> 00:03:39,178
That's fine.
80
00:03:39,179 --> 00:03:40,549
(TAPPING FLOOR)
81
00:03:40,551 --> 00:03:42,181
(HUMMING)
82
00:03:46,056 --> 00:03:47,686
(HUMMING LOUDLY)
83
00:03:50,351 --> 00:03:52,441
All right!
84
00:03:52,443 --> 00:03:54,663
What do you want?
What do I want?
85
00:03:54,655 --> 00:03:56,815
Michael, I'll tell you
what I want.
86
00:03:56,817 --> 00:03:58,357
I have been cooped
up here all day
87
00:03:58,359 --> 00:04:00,529
taking care of your kids
in your house
88
00:04:00,531 --> 00:04:04,031
and all I want is
some adult conversation
with a grownup.
89
00:04:04,034 --> 00:04:06,134
Okay. Can we have this
adult conversation
90
00:04:06,126 --> 00:04:07,706
after I finish
killing some zombies?
91
00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:09,128
Come on, Michael!
92
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:10,709
I just want an hour
of your time.
93
00:04:10,711 --> 00:04:13,371
Just take me
out to dinner
and talk to me.
94
00:04:13,374 --> 00:04:17,054
Okay, look,
put the game on pause.
All right?
95
00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:19,177
We will go out
to dinner.
Thank you.
96
00:04:19,179 --> 00:04:20,379
Junior can babysit.
97
00:04:20,381 --> 00:04:21,681
(JUNIOR SCREAMING)
98
00:04:21,682 --> 00:04:23,382
Spider, spider,
it's on my head.
99
00:04:23,384 --> 00:04:25,274
Oh, my God, Dad! Get it.
Get it. It's on my head.
100
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,725
Let me see. Turn around.
Wait, wait. I see it.
101
00:04:27,728 --> 00:04:28,888
Get it!
102
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,659
So she winds up
sitting next to me
at the nail salon.
103
00:04:41,662 --> 00:04:43,612
You should've
seen the feet
on this woman.
104
00:04:43,614 --> 00:04:45,374
She looked like
she was wearing snow shoes.
105
00:04:45,366 --> 00:04:47,906
(BOTH LAUGHING)
106
00:04:47,908 --> 00:04:49,748
This is nice.
Yeah.
107
00:04:49,750 --> 00:04:51,750
You know,
you look absolutely
beautiful tonight.
108
00:04:51,752 --> 00:04:53,252
Thank you, baby.
109
00:04:53,253 --> 00:04:55,923
Isn't this much
nicer than playing
with some mummies?
110
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:57,256
Zombies, Jay.
111
00:04:57,257 --> 00:04:59,217
They're zombies.
It's just so simple.
112
00:04:59,219 --> 00:05:02,379
Whatever. Thank you
for doing this, Michael.
113
00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:04,483
I'm having
a wonderful time.
Thank you.
114
00:05:04,475 --> 00:05:05,845
(CHUCKLES)
115
00:05:05,846 --> 00:05:06,926
So have you
decided yet?
116
00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:08,347
Oh. We don't have
any menus.
117
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:10,929
Yeah. What's good here?
118
00:05:10,931 --> 00:05:13,641
Oh, I can see
you two are gonna
be a problem.
119
00:05:14,985 --> 00:05:16,525
What is the matter
with him?
120
00:05:16,527 --> 00:05:18,357
I think that's
some sort of
waiter technique.
121
00:05:18,359 --> 00:05:20,109
What they do
is they put you
on the defensive,
122
00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:21,990
so that you don't keep
calling them over.
123
00:05:21,992 --> 00:05:24,952
But, see, I got a little
technique of my own
that turns them around.
124
00:05:24,945 --> 00:05:26,865
What?
Shower them
with compliments.
125
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:29,207
It's called
positive reinforcement.
Watch this.
126
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:31,791
(CLEARS THROAT)
127
00:05:33,714 --> 00:05:35,764
Here, let me know
when you've decided.
128
00:05:35,756 --> 00:05:38,456
Thank you.
This guy is so efficient.
129
00:05:38,459 --> 00:05:40,419
It's great service, huh?
130
00:05:42,723 --> 00:05:45,183
(LAUGHS) Michael,
he heard you.
131
00:05:45,175 --> 00:05:47,015
I know.
That's the whole point.
132
00:05:49,730 --> 00:05:51,390
(CLEARS THROAT)
133
00:05:51,392 --> 00:05:53,562
I thought you folks
might enjoy some
focaccia bread.
134
00:05:54,735 --> 00:05:57,895
I sprinkled parmesan
on there for you.
135
00:05:57,898 --> 00:06:00,068
Here's some olive paste.
You must try it.
136
00:06:00,070 --> 00:06:01,400
Thank you.
Thank you.
137
00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:03,192
He's much too
good-looking
to be a waiter.
138
00:06:03,193 --> 00:06:04,663
He must be a model.
139
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,035
Or a Kennedy.
140
00:06:09,289 --> 00:06:13,079
Baby! He heard... (LAUGHING)
I know.
141
00:06:13,083 --> 00:06:16,263
Oh, I see,
you two are gonna
be a problem.
142
00:06:16,256 --> 00:06:19,086
Did you see
what he just did
to that couple? Mean.
143
00:06:19,089 --> 00:06:20,669
Now it's time to have
some fun with him.
144
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:23,131
How?
Well, what we do
145
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,563
is now that
we got our food
146
00:06:24,555 --> 00:06:27,425
and we're not worried
about him spitting in it,
147
00:06:27,428 --> 00:06:29,678
we do the same thing
except we use
negative reinforcement.
148
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:30,930
Oh.
149
00:06:30,931 --> 00:06:32,971
Watch this.
150
00:06:32,973 --> 00:06:35,113
How are my two
favorite customers?
151
00:06:35,105 --> 00:06:36,935
Was I right about
the cherries jubilee?
152
00:06:36,937 --> 00:06:38,777
Godfrey, this has
been amazing.
153
00:06:38,779 --> 00:06:42,359
You've turned
a simple meal into
a dining experience.
154
00:06:43,283 --> 00:06:45,083
Why, thank you,
Michael.
155
00:06:45,075 --> 00:06:46,785
I have to say,
it's been a pleasure
serving you.
156
00:06:46,787 --> 00:06:48,077
Thank you.
157
00:06:48,078 --> 00:06:50,118
I'll get you
some more coffee.
158
00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,530
What a jerk.
159
00:06:52,953 --> 00:06:54,923
Excuse me.
160
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:55,995
Some more coffee, right?
161
00:06:55,996 --> 00:06:57,416
And the cream.
162
00:06:58,799 --> 00:07:00,129
The cream.
163
00:07:01,882 --> 00:07:03,132
Jackass.
164
00:07:10,971 --> 00:07:12,641
(JAY LAUGHING)
165
00:07:12,643 --> 00:07:14,223
That guy's gonna
be up all night
166
00:07:14,224 --> 00:07:16,064
trying to figure out
what went wrong.
167
00:07:16,056 --> 00:07:18,646
And that six cents tip
really messed him up.
168
00:07:19,980 --> 00:07:23,270
You are crazy.
I'm gonna go check
on these kids.
169
00:07:23,273 --> 00:07:24,623
All right.
170
00:07:26,987 --> 00:07:29,237
There you go, sweetie.
171
00:07:29,239 --> 00:07:32,659
You missed daddy, huh?
Still warm. Look at you.
172
00:07:34,334 --> 00:07:36,344
Waited for daddy, yeah.
173
00:07:38,168 --> 00:07:39,418
What are you doing?
174
00:07:39,419 --> 00:07:40,839
I'm playing my game.
175
00:07:40,841 --> 00:07:43,171
Yeah. Well, don't you
want to spend some
more time together?
176
00:07:43,173 --> 00:07:46,433
Jay, we just spent
a whole three hours
together.
177
00:07:46,426 --> 00:07:49,346
What, is there
a time limit?
178
00:07:49,349 --> 00:07:50,679
Oh, you said you wanted
to spend an hour,
179
00:07:50,681 --> 00:07:54,261
I gave you
two bonus hours.
You should be happy.
180
00:07:54,264 --> 00:07:55,814
Well, lucky me.
181
00:07:55,806 --> 00:07:57,646
Jay, what's all
the attitude about?
182
00:07:57,648 --> 00:07:59,438
I mean,
I did my time.
183
00:08:01,401 --> 00:08:04,361
You did your time?
What am I, Shawshank?
184
00:08:05,445 --> 00:08:06,945
I paused my game,
185
00:08:06,947 --> 00:08:08,867
so I could do
what you want me to do,
186
00:08:08,869 --> 00:08:10,779
and now you're
still not satisfied.
187
00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:12,871
Well, satisfy my
curiosity, Michael.
188
00:08:12,873 --> 00:08:15,713
What does this game have
that I don't have?
189
00:08:15,706 --> 00:08:17,206
A mute button.
190
00:08:22,382 --> 00:08:24,502
Fine. Fine.
You know what?
191
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,094
Play with your
little stupid game.
192
00:08:26,086 --> 00:08:28,336
I'm gonna go upstairs
and play with my
own toys.
193
00:08:30,971 --> 00:08:33,891
You're gonna pay, Michael.
Oh, you're gonna pay.
194
00:08:33,894 --> 00:08:35,024
(MIMICS GUN FIRING)
195
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,475
I heard that.
196
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,441
So what's
going on, Dad?
197
00:08:42,442 --> 00:08:45,242
Oh, same old, same old.
What's going on with you?
198
00:08:45,235 --> 00:08:48,105
Well, I'm sitting on
the horns of a dilemma.
199
00:08:48,108 --> 00:08:49,198
That sounds painful.
200
00:08:49,199 --> 00:08:50,859
It is.
201
00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:53,201
Claire wants to
go to this game
with me on Friday.
202
00:08:53,203 --> 00:08:54,413
So what's the problem?
203
00:08:54,414 --> 00:08:57,834
Dad, she's a human anchor.
She cramps my style.
204
00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,918
You got about
as much style as
a mariachi band.
205
00:09:01,962 --> 00:09:03,162
(CHUCKLES)
206
00:09:03,163 --> 00:09:05,883
And here's the thing,
I would prefer
207
00:09:05,876 --> 00:09:08,466
that you hung out
with her to protect her.
208
00:09:08,468 --> 00:09:10,218
From what?
209
00:09:10,220 --> 00:09:12,050
From other boys.
You may not
understand this,
210
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,052
but other boys
find your sister
very attractive.
211
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,854
(SCOFFING)
Oh, please. Claire?
212
00:09:17,097 --> 00:09:19,017
That's funny.
I'm serious.
213
00:09:19,019 --> 00:09:21,269
It's funny to you
because that's
your sister.
214
00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:22,771
But other boys
don't feel that way.
215
00:09:22,773 --> 00:09:25,953
They've never
seen her first thing
in the morning.
216
00:09:25,946 --> 00:09:29,236
And I want to
keep it that way.
217
00:09:29,239 --> 00:09:33,569
All right. Let's go
with this stupid "Claire
is attractive" premise.
218
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,663
Wouldn't I be a hypocrite
if I stopped guys from
doing to my sister
219
00:09:36,657 --> 00:09:39,157
what I want to do
to their sisters?
220
00:09:39,159 --> 00:09:40,369
Yeah.
221
00:09:40,370 --> 00:09:42,750
But that's
your responsibility
as a big brother.
222
00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:45,633
I mean, you have
to understand that
Claire looks up to you.
223
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:47,666
And in her eyes
you're her hero.
224
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:50,759
(BOTH LAUGHING)
225
00:09:52,512 --> 00:09:53,882
Oh, Dad.
226
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:55,354
"You're her hero!"
All right, I tried. I tried.
227
00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:59,427
Okay, I'm not
saying you have to,
but just, you know,
228
00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:00,979
put it in
your hip pocket
and think about it.
229
00:10:00,981 --> 00:10:03,561
I would, Dad.
But she's just hard
to hang out with.
230
00:10:03,563 --> 00:10:05,533
She never shuts up.
231
00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:07,935
Welcome to the
world of women.
232
00:10:07,938 --> 00:10:11,438
They're all like that, son.
They all talk, talk, talk.
233
00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:14,151
I mean, yeah, you get the
occasional Helen Keller,
234
00:10:14,154 --> 00:10:18,294
but they come so few
and far in between.
235
00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:20,948
The rest of them,
they jabber
like magpies.
236
00:10:20,951 --> 00:10:22,161
Even mom?
Oh, my.
237
00:10:22,162 --> 00:10:24,452
Your mother is
the queen of magpies.
238
00:10:24,454 --> 00:10:25,964
Why do they do it?
239
00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:27,876
As strange as
it sounds, Son,
240
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,628
women actually
communicate by talking.
241
00:10:32,753 --> 00:10:34,423
Wow!
Yep.
242
00:10:34,424 --> 00:10:35,764
Michael.
Mmm?
243
00:10:35,756 --> 00:10:36,846
Michael,
we need to talk.
244
00:10:36,847 --> 00:10:38,017
I'm out of here.
245
00:10:38,018 --> 00:10:39,138
Yes, dear?
246
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,389
Don't "yes, dear" me.
247
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,640
Did you get my note?
248
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,101
No, dear.
What note?
249
00:10:44,434 --> 00:10:47,034
The note I left in
your underwear drawer.
250
00:10:47,027 --> 00:10:49,937
In my...
Is that what this is?
251
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:53,770
I thought it was
a toilet paper ball
or something.
252
00:10:53,774 --> 00:10:55,954
How could you
possibly miss that?
253
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:58,366
I rarely check my ass
for messages.
254
00:10:59,619 --> 00:11:01,949
"Dr. Bouche, 9:00 a.m."
For what?
255
00:11:01,952 --> 00:11:05,422
For what? For starters,
we had a breakdown in
communication last night.
256
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,955
Oh, come on, Jay.
257
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:09,047
I'm not going
to no shrink
over a videogame.
258
00:11:09,049 --> 00:11:10,339
It's not about
the videogame.
259
00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:11,790
Then what is it about?
260
00:11:11,792 --> 00:11:13,252
You don't love me.
261
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,974
Oh, God.
262
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,716
Someone bring a bat
down here and beat me
to death, please.
263
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:20,139
I'm serious, Michael.
264
00:11:20,140 --> 00:11:22,390
Jay, how did we go
from a romantic dinner
265
00:11:22,392 --> 00:11:24,942
to "I don't love you"
in less than 24 hours?
266
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:28,015
I don't know.
That's what Dr. Bouche
is going to tell us.
267
00:11:28,018 --> 00:11:32,808
Baby, we've been going
to that fat quack for
over five years now,
268
00:11:32,813 --> 00:11:36,453
and you're still
just as crazy as the
day we first started going.
269
00:11:37,407 --> 00:11:38,817
Crazy?
I'm sorry.
270
00:11:38,819 --> 00:11:40,869
Nuts. You're nutty.
271
00:11:40,871 --> 00:11:42,911
And anybody
but Dr. Bouche
272
00:11:42,913 --> 00:11:45,423
is gonna tell you
that I'm perfectly
right in this.
273
00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:47,205
Oh, let's test your
theory, Michael.
274
00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,787
We can find
a new psychiatrist.
275
00:11:48,789 --> 00:11:50,919
I will call
Bouche's office
and get a referral.
276
00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:53,001
No, no, no, no.
See, he's just gonna
give you a referral
277
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:55,223
to someone
just like him.
278
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,675
So what do you want to do?
You want to find somebody
in a phonebook?
279
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,387
I like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Uh-uh.
280
00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:00,759
Michael, no.
281
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:02,431
Yeah. Let's see. Okay.
282
00:12:02,432 --> 00:12:03,722
That's crazy.
283
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,443
Optometrist,
podiatrist...
284
00:12:05,435 --> 00:12:07,395
Psychiatrist.
Right here.
Dr. Cooper Madison.
285
00:12:07,397 --> 00:12:08,557
And that's who
I'll go see.
286
00:12:12,192 --> 00:12:15,122
Was there a particular
incident that got you
guys to call me?
287
00:12:15,115 --> 00:12:16,735
Yes, absolutely.
Yes.
288
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,116
Last night,
I took her out
for dinner.
289
00:12:19,119 --> 00:12:20,359
And we had
a wonderful time.
290
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,780
I showered her with my
undivided attention.
291
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:25,173
We were here.
It was magical.
292
00:12:25,165 --> 00:12:27,665
And then I came home
and she got mad at me
293
00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:30,827
because I wanted
to finish the videogame
that I had put on hold
294
00:12:30,831 --> 00:12:32,461
to take her out
and spend quality time.
295
00:12:32,462 --> 00:12:33,872
Three whole hours.
296
00:12:33,874 --> 00:12:36,934
Throw a dog a bone.
Whoop-dee-doo!
297
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,797
And you know,
and this morning she
makes the announcement
298
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:43,760
that it's not the videogame.
It's the past 17 years.
299
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,193
Apparently I don't
love her anymore.
300
00:12:46,186 --> 00:12:48,436
Why are you
feeling that way?
301
00:12:48,438 --> 00:12:50,098
He rejected me
last night.
302
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:53,100
I've been feeling
worthless ever since
I lost my job.
303
00:12:53,103 --> 00:12:56,453
I'm vulnerable.
And he wants to play
with some damn videogame.
304
00:12:56,446 --> 00:12:57,986
Which videogame?
305
00:12:57,988 --> 00:13:00,608
(GROANS)
Oh, you wouldn't know.
It's called Alien Stalker.
306
00:13:00,610 --> 00:13:02,200
Alien Stalker?
Mmm-hmm.
307
00:13:02,202 --> 00:13:03,862
I don't only know it,
I beat it.
308
00:13:03,864 --> 00:13:05,254
Get out of here!
309
00:13:05,245 --> 00:13:06,955
Yeah. Five hours.
310
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:08,867
What? Five hours?
You're lying.
311
00:13:08,869 --> 00:13:10,829
No, I don't.
What level are you on?
312
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:13,411
I'm still trying to
beat that blob thing.
How do you kill it?
313
00:13:13,413 --> 00:13:15,683
It's so tough.
You have to jump
on its back
314
00:13:15,675 --> 00:13:17,335
and wait for the
dance ball to appear,
315
00:13:17,337 --> 00:13:19,837
then you hit it
with the pulse phaser
as it turns blue.
316
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,630
The pulse...
You know what,
317
00:13:21,631 --> 00:13:23,421
I've been trying to use
the big dagger.
318
00:13:23,423 --> 00:13:24,763
No, no, no.
That brings up
319
00:13:24,764 --> 00:13:26,194
the zombie queen!
The zombie queen!
320
00:13:26,186 --> 00:13:27,846
(BOTH LAUGHING)
321
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,848
Excuse me. Hi.
Might I interrupt
you two?
322
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:33,060
I'm here to purchase
some therapy.
323
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:37,493
I'm sorry, Jackie,
but I just think that
you are so consumed
324
00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:40,777
with your own needs
that you're failing
to recognize Michael's.
325
00:13:40,780 --> 00:13:42,570
Please, call me Mike.
326
00:13:43,994 --> 00:13:45,254
Call me Jay.
327
00:13:45,245 --> 00:13:46,705
Is that short
for Jackie?
328
00:13:46,706 --> 00:13:48,246
No, it isn't.
329
00:13:48,248 --> 00:13:51,748
Dr. Madison,
the truth is,
330
00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:54,371
I love Jackie.
331
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,166
And this whole thing
that she's going through
332
00:13:59,169 --> 00:14:03,459
really hurts me deeply
because I live to make
my little Jackie happy.
333
00:14:05,555 --> 00:14:09,055
Are you listening, Jackie?
334
00:14:09,059 --> 00:14:12,559
All Michael really wants
is a little alone time.
335
00:14:12,562 --> 00:14:14,642
Just a little.
See that much little?
336
00:14:14,644 --> 00:14:17,404
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE)
Oh, he's gonna get
plenty of that.
337
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:30,326
Boy, that Dr. Madison
was something else.
338
00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:32,660
I can't wait to see her again.
When we gonna go back, huh?
339
00:14:32,662 --> 00:14:34,542
When hell freezes over.
340
00:14:36,046 --> 00:14:38,876
Oh, come on, Jay, admit it.
The woman was insightful.
341
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,258
You're only saying
that because she was
agreeing with you.
342
00:14:41,261 --> 00:14:43,591
Kind of like the way
Dr. Bouche always
agrees with you?
343
00:14:43,593 --> 00:14:45,103
It's not a contest,
Michael.
344
00:14:45,095 --> 00:14:46,675
We have a problem
and we need help
with it.
345
00:14:46,676 --> 00:14:49,886
No, you have
the problem, Jay.
I did nothing wrong.
346
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,509
And as a matter of fact,
to prove I did nothing wrong,
347
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:54,892
I'm willing to pay
for another shrink.
348
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:56,364
Why don't we do that?
And this time,
349
00:14:56,356 --> 00:14:58,516
just to make it
interesting,
you pick it out.
350
00:14:58,518 --> 00:15:00,858
You've got...
Oh, please.
This is stupid.
351
00:15:00,860 --> 00:15:02,360
No, it's not stupid.
352
00:15:02,362 --> 00:15:05,492
We'll get a second
unbiased opinion
as to how right I am
353
00:15:05,485 --> 00:15:07,985
and how far you've
blown this whole thing
out of proportion.
354
00:15:07,988 --> 00:15:10,738
Fine. Just to
prove you wrong.
355
00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:14,913
Dr. Steven
Michael Thomas.
356
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,214
I'll call and make
the appointment.
357
00:15:16,206 --> 00:15:18,586
Have you gotten to the
electric flying lizard?
358
00:15:18,588 --> 00:15:20,628
Yes, I just got past
the zombie queen.
359
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:21,920
Wow! How did you kill her?
360
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,881
Same way
you're killing me.
361
00:15:23,883 --> 00:15:26,473
Ignore it till it
withers up and dies.
362
00:15:27,257 --> 00:15:29,097
Oh, I apologize, June.
363
00:15:29,099 --> 00:15:30,309
The name is Jay.
364
00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:32,260
Is that a diminutive
of June?
365
00:15:32,262 --> 00:15:33,552
No, it's not.
366
00:15:33,553 --> 00:15:35,193
Ooh. Brr. Icy.
367
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:42,228
In any event, I'm so
sorry about this little
videogame digression.
368
00:15:42,232 --> 00:15:45,372
I just find them
so exciting and
stress relieving.
369
00:15:45,365 --> 00:15:48,275
But this isn't about us,
is it, sweetheart?
370
00:15:48,278 --> 00:15:50,408
No.
He was talking to me.
371
00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:51,450
Oh.
372
00:15:53,123 --> 00:15:55,463
Tell me if I'm wrong.
You're feeling alienated,
373
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:58,205
unloved and
underappreciated.
Yes.
374
00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:01,038
And, Michael,
you feel you've given
Jay all the time you can
375
00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:02,631
without diminishing
who you are.
376
00:16:02,632 --> 00:16:04,292
Yes.
And all
you're asking for
377
00:16:04,294 --> 00:16:06,224
is a little
Michael time.
378
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:09,006
You hear that, Jay?
Michael time.
379
00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:12,299
That's all I want.
A little time
with Mikey.
380
00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:13,802
Look, I don't mean
to be unreasonable.
381
00:16:13,803 --> 00:16:16,103
And I do understand
that everybody
needs their space,
382
00:16:16,096 --> 00:16:18,856
but I need to know
that you still want
to be with me.
383
00:16:18,858 --> 00:16:20,558
That I could still
hold your interest.
384
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,900
Baby, you do.
What have I denied you?
385
00:16:23,903 --> 00:16:25,783
I mean, I do
everything for you.
386
00:16:25,775 --> 00:16:29,485
Every Saturday,
that's family day
'cause you want that.
387
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:32,869
You got me involved in all
these household projects,
I do that.
388
00:16:32,872 --> 00:16:34,612
I even took you
to see The Lion King.
389
00:16:34,614 --> 00:16:36,834
Oh! Joseph is in that.
He's the cuckoo bird.
390
00:16:38,918 --> 00:16:40,998
You mean,
the cockatoo?
Oh, the cockatoo.
391
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:43,460
He's that, too.
He plays two parts.
392
00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:45,974
You know him?
393
00:16:45,965 --> 00:16:47,585
Oh, yeah.
He's my life partner.
394
00:16:47,587 --> 00:16:50,177
This is a picture of us
at our commitment ceremony.
395
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:51,840
Hey, yeah.
That's the cockatoo.
396
00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:53,011
It is!
397
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,682
See, this is on Maui.
Oh!
398
00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:55,944
Oh, he's good looking.
399
00:16:55,935 --> 00:16:58,185
Oh, thank you.
I am so blessed.
400
00:16:59,939 --> 00:17:01,939
Now, listen, you two,
you got a good thing
going here,
401
00:17:01,941 --> 00:17:03,731
but you're both being
a little selfish.
402
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:06,113
I need you to
climb down off
the pity pots,
403
00:17:06,106 --> 00:17:07,856
take a step
towards each other,
404
00:17:07,857 --> 00:17:09,907
and remember
the love that you
had in your hearts
405
00:17:09,909 --> 00:17:12,149
when you were
very young and callow.
406
00:17:12,152 --> 00:17:14,612
Oh, I feel like
singing a show tune.
407
00:17:14,614 --> 00:17:16,754
You are
a very funny man.
408
00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:18,326
So are you. (LAUGHS)
409
00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:20,248
I like you.
410
00:17:23,753 --> 00:17:26,513
Jay, sweetheart,
you got yourself
a pistol here.
411
00:17:26,506 --> 00:17:29,166
Yeah, bang, bang.
412
00:17:29,169 --> 00:17:32,509
And you, mister,
this woman is
H-O-T-T, hot.
413
00:17:33,933 --> 00:17:36,483
Appreciate her.
414
00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:38,306
You know,
I think you're right.
415
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:39,808
I can do more.
416
00:17:41,441 --> 00:17:43,441
Aw. Look, kids...
Oh, my.
417
00:17:46,776 --> 00:17:48,066
I'm good.
418
00:17:49,949 --> 00:17:52,399
Look, kids,
you don't need me.
You need each other.
419
00:17:52,402 --> 00:17:54,612
It's like Joseph and I
always say,
420
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:56,914
"Together we can
lick anything."
421
00:18:05,875 --> 00:18:08,375
Whoa! Where you going
dressed like that?
422
00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:10,008
Not with you,
so don't worry about it.
423
00:18:10,009 --> 00:18:11,919
No, come on,
I'm serious.
424
00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:14,171
If you must know,
I'm going bowling.
425
00:18:14,174 --> 00:18:15,774
You can't go bowling
in that skirt.
426
00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:17,015
Why not?
427
00:18:17,016 --> 00:18:18,426
Because you
have to bend over
to pick up the ball
428
00:18:18,428 --> 00:18:20,978
and everybody can look
right up your alley.
429
00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:22,560
Why do you care?
430
00:18:22,562 --> 00:18:23,932
I'm just going
to hang out with
my girlfriends.
431
00:18:23,933 --> 00:18:25,653
Look, I know what
guys like me think
432
00:18:25,645 --> 00:18:27,105
about girls
who dress like that.
433
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,146
And you're not going out
dressed like that.
434
00:18:29,149 --> 00:18:31,569
You're not
the boss of me.
435
00:18:31,571 --> 00:18:34,361
Listen, I'll make
a deal with you.
436
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:37,084
If you change your clothes,
I'll take you to
the game with me.
437
00:18:37,076 --> 00:18:38,156
For real?
Yeah.
438
00:18:38,158 --> 00:18:39,618
I'll even
introduce you to John.
439
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,119
Cool. I'll go put on
some tight jeans.
440
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,581
Just kidding.
441
00:18:45,955 --> 00:18:47,125
Thanks, Junior.
442
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,626
Yeah, yeah. Hurry up.
443
00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:56,264
(WHISTLES)
444
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,636
Daddy, I need a bowl.
445
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:02,390
No, you don't.
Watch this.
446
00:19:06,526 --> 00:19:08,226
There you go.
447
00:19:08,228 --> 00:19:09,318
Thank you.
448
00:19:13,483 --> 00:19:14,943
Good morning,
sleepyheads.
449
00:19:16,366 --> 00:19:17,986
What's the matter with you?
How was the game?
450
00:19:17,987 --> 00:19:19,537
I don't want to
talk about it.
451
00:19:19,539 --> 00:19:21,659
(LAUGHING)
It was funny.
452
00:19:21,661 --> 00:19:23,741
John said hello to Claire,
and she tripped and fell
453
00:19:23,743 --> 00:19:26,133
all the way to the
bottom of the bleachers.
454
00:19:26,125 --> 00:19:27,415
Shut up!
455
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:29,837
It was hysterical.
456
00:19:29,839 --> 00:19:33,129
It was so humiliating.
He must think I'm a dufus.
457
00:19:33,132 --> 00:19:34,592
Actually he thinks
you're kind of cute.
458
00:19:34,594 --> 00:19:35,854
Really?
459
00:19:35,845 --> 00:19:38,135
Yeah. For some reason
he's attracted to klutzes.
460
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,468
Cool.
461
00:19:41,471 --> 00:19:44,181
I don't see good things
on the horizon, Dad.
462
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,193
That's why you need
to stick by her.
463
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,515
You were right.
Guys actually think
she's cute.
464
00:19:48,518 --> 00:19:49,858
It was disgusting.
465
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:51,980
Scary thing is, Son,
466
00:19:51,981 --> 00:19:54,191
as she gets older,
it's only gonna
get worse.
467
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,454
(BOTH SIGHING)
468
00:19:58,117 --> 00:19:59,407
I gotta go lay down.
469
00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:04,873
Hey, baby.
Hmm?
470
00:20:04,874 --> 00:20:07,384
Listen,
why don't we both do
our own thing tonight?
471
00:20:07,377 --> 00:20:08,747
I got this book
I wanna read.
472
00:20:08,748 --> 00:20:10,378
Okay, and you're not
gonna get mad?
473
00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:13,420
No, we're both gonna do it
without resentment
and recrimination.
474
00:20:13,423 --> 00:20:16,393
Okay. You mean,
we're gonna climb down
off our pity pots.
475
00:20:16,386 --> 00:20:18,336
(LAUGHING)
476
00:20:18,338 --> 00:20:20,388
Yes. And it
won't be that difficult.
You wanna know why?
477
00:20:20,390 --> 00:20:21,600
I think it's because...
478
00:20:21,601 --> 00:20:24,471
BOTH: Together we can
lick anything.
33703
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