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1
00:00:10,801 --> 00:00:12,391
Don't look at me
like that.
2
00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:19,266
Doesn't have any
calories unless you
bake them, Michael.
3
00:00:19,980 --> 00:00:22,190
I didn't say anything.
4
00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:23,443
I think you look terrific.
5
00:00:23,444 --> 00:00:24,654
What are these? Keebler?
6
00:00:24,645 --> 00:00:27,855
Mmm. You're sweet
and you're smart.
7
00:00:27,858 --> 00:00:29,148
What are you doing
home so early?
8
00:00:29,150 --> 00:00:33,490
Well, it doesn't take a man
long to shoot an 84!
9
00:00:33,494 --> 00:00:35,004
Baby!
10
00:00:34,995 --> 00:00:36,325
You shot an 84?
That's right!
11
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,037
That's fabulous, right?
12
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,868
Baby, that's better
than fabulous.
13
00:00:39,870 --> 00:00:43,750
All I need is 100
more teeth in my mouth
and I'm Tiger Woods.
14
00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:46,014
Oh, I'm glad
you had such
good luck.
15
00:00:46,006 --> 00:00:47,756
Yeah, well,
it had nothing to do
with luck, Jay.
16
00:00:47,758 --> 00:00:49,048
It was skill.
17
00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:51,669
Matched with these
brand-new Pings.
18
00:00:51,672 --> 00:00:53,592
Look at this.
Watch this swing.
19
00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:55,475
Huh?
20
00:00:55,476 --> 00:00:58,176
(LAUGHS) You
are so pathetic.
21
00:00:58,179 --> 00:01:00,269
Go ahead and laugh, Jay.
Go ahead and laugh.
22
00:01:00,271 --> 00:01:01,521
Just like you laughed
when you said
23
00:01:01,522 --> 00:01:04,862
I was crazy to pay
$3000 for these babies.
24
00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:06,445
You told me
you paid $2000.
25
00:01:06,447 --> 00:01:08,067
Hey! Where's the kids?
26
00:01:10,281 --> 00:01:11,821
I'm about to take them
to the mall.
27
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,532
Just gave them
some money.
28
00:01:13,534 --> 00:01:16,704
You gave them money?
Jay, I just gave them
their allowance yesterday.
29
00:01:16,697 --> 00:01:18,457
Why'd you give
them money?
30
00:01:18,459 --> 00:01:21,369
Because, Michael,
they're terrific kids
and I wanted them to shut up.
31
00:01:23,043 --> 00:01:25,513
Baby, you're spoiling them.
Especially, Junior.
32
00:01:25,506 --> 00:01:27,626
How are they gonna
ever learn the value
of a dollar
33
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:30,208
if you just
give them money
when they ask for it?
34
00:01:30,211 --> 00:01:31,711
Hey, kids!
Come down here!
35
00:01:31,712 --> 00:01:34,722
Come on, Michael.
Why you gotta make
this a federal case?
36
00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:37,015
Because you're making
them weak, Jay.
37
00:01:37,017 --> 00:01:39,387
They don't have
any survival skills.
38
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,810
They need a job.
That's what they need.
39
00:01:41,812 --> 00:01:44,442
Oh, baby, a job?
The sooner they
get a job,
40
00:01:44,435 --> 00:01:46,525
the sooner
they'll be independent
and leave the house.
41
00:01:46,527 --> 00:01:50,317
Yes! Yes!
That's the whole
idea behind it!
42
00:01:50,321 --> 00:01:52,071
No. They're still
my babies.
43
00:01:52,072 --> 00:01:53,152
Hi, Daddy.
Hi, Dad.
44
00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:55,204
Hi, Daddy.
Oh, don't "Hi, Daddy" me.
45
00:01:55,196 --> 00:01:56,906
Why'd you go to your
mother and get money
46
00:01:56,907 --> 00:01:58,237
when I just gave you
your allowance?
47
00:01:58,239 --> 00:02:00,079
Because we can't get by
on what you give us.
48
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:01,910
Dad, it's expensive
to be us.
49
00:02:01,912 --> 00:02:03,952
Do you know
how much it costs
to keep me in makeup?
50
00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:06,594
Claire, you're 15.
God does your makeup.
51
00:02:06,587 --> 00:02:07,747
Yeah.
52
00:02:07,748 --> 00:02:09,588
Well, my clothes
are expensive.
53
00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:11,130
What clothes?
You've got half a shirt on.
54
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,841
You should
have got
a discount.
55
00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:15,264
Daddy, I didn't
spend my money.
56
00:02:15,256 --> 00:02:16,466
Well, good for you.
57
00:02:16,467 --> 00:02:17,557
I lost it.
58
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,220
You see, they don't even
respect the money
we give them.
59
00:02:23,224 --> 00:02:25,614
Look, I don't know
if I ever told you guys
this story,
60
00:02:25,606 --> 00:02:27,266
but when I was
12 years old,
61
00:02:27,268 --> 00:02:30,318
my father gave me $5,
and with that $5,
62
00:02:30,321 --> 00:02:32,651
I went out
and I bought myself
a used snow shovel.
63
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,243
And you made enough
to buy a bike.
64
00:02:34,235 --> 00:02:36,115
With that bike
you started
a paper route.
65
00:02:36,116 --> 00:02:38,236
Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
66
00:02:40,951 --> 00:02:43,741
Okay, so maybe I did
tell you the story
one or two times.
67
00:02:43,744 --> 00:02:45,294
Thirty.
No, it wasn't...
68
00:02:45,286 --> 00:02:46,666
Maybe 29.
One or two...
No, 30.
69
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,287
...or 29 times.
I don't know.
I don't know.
70
00:02:48,289 --> 00:02:52,289
But it doesn't make
the story any less
inspiring, okay?
71
00:02:52,293 --> 00:02:53,843
And, if I can do it,
so can you.
72
00:02:53,844 --> 00:02:55,644
So this is what
we're gonna do.
73
00:02:55,636 --> 00:02:57,216
I'm gonna let you
keep that money.
74
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,218
But you're not
spending it
at the mall.
75
00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,640
Then what good is it?
76
00:03:00,641 --> 00:03:02,641
Aha! You're going to be
creative with it.
77
00:03:02,643 --> 00:03:05,113
And you're gonna use it
to earn more money.
78
00:03:05,105 --> 00:03:06,765
I want you to
look at that money
79
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:09,647
as the seeds
from which you will
grow your money tree.
80
00:03:09,650 --> 00:03:11,610
Like magic beans?
81
00:03:11,612 --> 00:03:13,572
I was hoping
Kady would say that.
82
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,986
But, yes.
And this is
the best part.
83
00:03:17,988 --> 00:03:21,698
At the end of the week,
whatever money you earn
from it, I will match it.
84
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,702
Deal?
Do we have a choice?
85
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,004
No.
Deal.
86
00:03:26,247 --> 00:03:27,327
Shoo!
87
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:41,218
Hello. Hey, Janis,
how're you doing?
88
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,141
Oh, you saw Kady outside.
Yeah, she's cute, isn't she?
89
00:03:45,105 --> 00:03:46,225
Her sign says what?
90
00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,230
Lemonades,
lemonades.
91
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,651
Cold, refreshing
lemonades.
92
00:03:52,653 --> 00:03:53,733
Come and get it.
93
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:59,356
Mommy, why won't anybody
buy my lemonade?
94
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,030
Uh, Kady,
95
00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:03,121
I think it has
something to do with
your advertising.
96
00:04:03,123 --> 00:04:05,503
First of all,
"lemonade" is
spelled wrong.
97
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,916
Who made the sign for you?
98
00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:08,367
Junior.
99
00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:10,419
Figures.
100
00:04:10,421 --> 00:04:14,041
Um, Kady, I'm gonna
take this sign and make you
a new, prettier one, okay?
101
00:04:14,044 --> 00:04:15,684
Okay.
All right.
102
00:04:15,676 --> 00:04:17,426
Hi, girls.
BOTH: Hi.
103
00:04:17,428 --> 00:04:19,968
Hi, Megan. Hi, Melissa.
Would you like some
lemonade?
104
00:04:19,970 --> 00:04:22,260
Yeah, sure.
We'd love some.
105
00:04:25,386 --> 00:04:27,596
Mmm.
Refreshing.
106
00:04:27,598 --> 00:04:29,598
That'll be 50 cents,
please.
107
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,390
We don't have
any money.
108
00:04:31,392 --> 00:04:33,192
I thought
it was free.
109
00:04:33,193 --> 00:04:35,283
Why would you
think that?
110
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,775
You don't have
any sign.
111
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,068
Well, I need
to make
some moneys.
112
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:43,110
I know a way
you can make
lots of money.
113
00:04:43,113 --> 00:04:45,373
Ever heard of
a garage sale?
114
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,960
Hey, what's going
on in here?
115
00:04:51,962 --> 00:04:53,462
Oh, hi, Mrs. K.
116
00:04:53,464 --> 00:04:54,974
Claire opened up
a beauty salon.
117
00:04:54,965 --> 00:04:56,375
She did?
118
00:04:56,377 --> 00:04:59,337
Yeah. Claire didn't do
your hair, did she?
119
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,680
No.
Oh, good.
Then, I'm still next.
120
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:04,984
Oh, you next, all right.
121
00:05:06,637 --> 00:05:09,267
(MUTTERING) No heifer
gonna talk about my hair.
122
00:05:11,021 --> 00:05:12,481
Claire!
123
00:05:12,483 --> 00:05:14,863
You're using
all of my stuff!
124
00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:17,435
Oh, I know.
These products
are great.
125
00:05:17,438 --> 00:05:19,488
By the way,
you're out
of conditioner.
126
00:05:19,490 --> 00:05:22,320
And I'm defrosting
a roast in that sink,
Claire.
127
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,032
Oh, don't worry.
It's still here.
128
00:05:26,206 --> 00:05:27,866
And look at my towels.
You got my good towels.
129
00:05:27,868 --> 00:05:30,658
The girl got
my good towels
on the floor.
130
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:33,041
Oh, I know.
Could you be a dear
and wash them for me?
131
00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:35,343
I'm swamped,
and I may need them
for tomorrow.
132
00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:38,007
Hey!
Hi, Dad!
133
00:05:38,008 --> 00:05:39,128
Business is booming.
134
00:05:39,129 --> 00:05:40,509
I see.
This is amazing!
135
00:05:40,511 --> 00:05:43,301
Baby, look!
She started her own
beauty salon.
136
00:05:43,303 --> 00:05:44,853
Isn't that great?
Yeah.
137
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:46,675
You're not the one
who has to shave
the roast.
138
00:05:48,058 --> 00:05:49,518
Look, come here.
Step in my office.
139
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:50,770
(SIGHING)
140
00:05:52,473 --> 00:05:54,943
Jay, we have to be
supportive of them.
141
00:05:54,935 --> 00:05:57,975
I mean, we can start
by teaching them
how to have a business,
142
00:05:57,978 --> 00:06:01,028
and then we can work
on the finer things
like cleanliness.
143
00:06:01,031 --> 00:06:02,531
Daddy, could you
hand me the cookie jar?
144
00:06:02,533 --> 00:06:04,413
Sure. I mean,
this is working, Jay.
145
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:06,405
It's working us, Michael.
146
00:06:06,407 --> 00:06:08,487
They're not using
your shampoos!
147
00:06:08,489 --> 00:06:10,949
That's only because
Armor All don't make
shampoo.
148
00:06:12,583 --> 00:06:16,343
Are you gonna help me
wash all of these
towels and stuff?
149
00:06:16,336 --> 00:06:17,666
Jay, that's not
what I do.
150
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:19,668
I'm a silent partner.
The investor.
151
00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:22,590
You are in charge
of the physical
operation of this.
152
00:06:22,593 --> 00:06:24,973
Keep it up,
you're gonna need
an operation, Michael.
153
00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:27,925
Jay, calm down.
Look, let me make you
a pot of tea.
154
00:06:27,928 --> 00:06:29,598
Come on, let's have
some tea. That Nerve Ease.
155
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,850
That's what you need.
Is some of that Nerve Ease.
156
00:06:30,851 --> 00:06:32,891
All right, all right,
all right.
157
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,393
What happened
to the teapot?
I don't know, Michael.
158
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,234
Look in the dishwasher.
159
00:06:36,226 --> 00:06:38,316
It's time and time again
I tell the kids
160
00:06:38,318 --> 00:06:40,278
put the stuff back
where they found it.
161
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,780
MICHAEL: Where's the teapot?
162
00:06:41,782 --> 00:06:43,072
JAY: I don't know
what happened to
the teapot, Michael.
163
00:06:45,986 --> 00:06:47,576
(ALL CLAMORING)
164
00:06:48,829 --> 00:06:50,489
(ALL EXCLAIM
IN DISAPPOINTMENT)
165
00:06:50,491 --> 00:06:52,531
Pay double.
Pay double.
Pay me my money.
166
00:06:52,533 --> 00:06:53,913
Hey, man, you cheating.
167
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,214
I ain't giving
you no money.
168
00:06:55,205 --> 00:06:57,455
Them dices is loaded
and I know it.
169
00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:58,748
They're your dice.
170
00:06:58,749 --> 00:06:59,999
Oh, yes.
171
00:07:00,751 --> 00:07:02,131
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
172
00:07:05,806 --> 00:07:07,216
What's going on in here?
173
00:07:07,217 --> 00:07:08,307
Nothing.
Nothing.
174
00:07:08,308 --> 00:07:09,638
ALL: Nothing.
175
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:11,470
And what are the dice
doing on the floor?
176
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:12,762
Nothing.
Nothing.
177
00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:14,613
ALL: Nothing.
178
00:07:14,605 --> 00:07:16,645
You know what,
why don't you all go do
nothing, nothing, nothing
179
00:07:16,647 --> 00:07:18,267
outside my house?
180
00:07:24,234 --> 00:07:26,074
All right, Dad.
Busted.
181
00:07:26,066 --> 00:07:28,276
We were gambling.
But look at all this
money I won.
182
00:07:28,278 --> 00:07:31,158
Junior, you were supposed
to be starting a business.
183
00:07:31,161 --> 00:07:32,911
I did.
This is my business.
184
00:07:32,913 --> 00:07:34,453
What, gambling?
Yeah!
185
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,754
You ever hear of
professional gamblers?
186
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,747
Dad, I'm really
good at this.
187
00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,459
Okay. You know what,
you're missing
the whole point.
188
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,580
I want you to
go down to that
chicken place,
189
00:07:42,583 --> 00:07:44,423
and I want you
to fill out
a job application.
190
00:07:44,424 --> 00:07:46,514
What? They wear
chicken suits
down there, Dad.
191
00:07:46,507 --> 00:07:47,797
I'd look ridiculous.
192
00:07:47,798 --> 00:07:49,468
That's the same thing
the chicken say about you
193
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,009
with three hats
on your head.
194
00:07:52,262 --> 00:07:53,762
Look,
all I'm saying is,
195
00:07:53,764 --> 00:07:56,064
do you know how long
I'd have to work there
to make $80?
196
00:07:56,056 --> 00:07:57,476
An entire week.
197
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,767
I made that in
20 minutes without
leaving my room.
198
00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:02,270
Junior, here's what
you don't understand
about gambling.
199
00:08:02,272 --> 00:08:04,312
Eventually,
you're gonna lose
200
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:05,824
because the house
always wins.
201
00:08:05,816 --> 00:08:07,986
Yeah, but today...
You know what?
202
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,908
What don't you understand
about the end
of a conversation?
203
00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:31,339
Michael, what's this
I hear about
Junior gambling?
204
00:08:31,341 --> 00:08:33,551
Don't worry about it, Jay.
I got it all
under control.
205
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:36,524
I'm gonna teach him
that men gamble
and boys lose.
206
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,846
I think it's time
for you to admit
that you were wrong
207
00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:42,059
and to pull the plug
on this whole kids-start-
their-own-business crap.
208
00:08:42,062 --> 00:08:43,692
What are you
talking about?
209
00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:46,704
They are learning
a great lesson here,
especially, the girls.
210
00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:48,027
They're not
learning from this
211
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:50,028
because, Michael,
we are paying
for everything.
212
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,320
They're not making
any money.
213
00:08:51,321 --> 00:08:53,111
The lemonade stand
was a bust.
214
00:08:55,115 --> 00:08:56,655
Look at all these money.
215
00:08:56,657 --> 00:08:58,537
(EXCLAIMING)
216
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,118
Look at this!
Our baby made...
217
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:03,040
20, 40, 100...
218
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,763
$500!
219
00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:07,546
$500 selling lemonade?
220
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,507
No, lemonade
just gets them
in the door.
221
00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:10,879
And then we hit them
with the yard sale.
222
00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:12,671
You see,
that's clever.
223
00:09:12,673 --> 00:09:14,223
You get them
in the door with
the lemonade,
224
00:09:14,224 --> 00:09:16,064
then bam!
You hit them with
the yard sale!
225
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,806
What yard sale?
226
00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:19,728
JUNIOR: Hey!
What happened
to my TV?
227
00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:21,100
ALL: Uh-oh!
228
00:09:35,155 --> 00:09:40,195
See, blackjack is different
to your little girl
dice games you play, okay?
229
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,750
I'm letting you
win those six hands.
230
00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:44,583
I got you.
231
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,674
But what you need
to understand is,
232
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:49,207
eventually,
all gamblers
end up broke.
233
00:09:49,209 --> 00:09:52,379
No matter
how good you are,
eventually, you lose.
234
00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:55,222
Not me. I was born
to do this.
All right. Watch. Ha!
235
00:09:55,215 --> 00:09:57,015
Deal.
Put the whammy on it!
236
00:09:57,017 --> 00:09:58,017
(EXCLAIMS)
237
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:01,810
What you gonna do?
Look at that.
238
00:10:01,812 --> 00:10:03,682
(SIGHS)
What you gonna do
now, huh?
239
00:10:03,684 --> 00:10:04,904
Huh, you want a hit?
240
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,565
Hit me.
241
00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:08,276
All right.
242
00:10:08,278 --> 00:10:09,938
Hit me.
243
00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:11,360
Hit me.
244
00:10:11,942 --> 00:10:13,032
Hit me.
245
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,535
Hit me.
246
00:10:19,830 --> 00:10:21,000
Hit me.
247
00:10:21,001 --> 00:10:23,701
Wait. You're gonna hit
with 19 showing?
248
00:10:23,704 --> 00:10:24,924
Hit me.
249
00:10:26,546 --> 00:10:27,626
Twenty-one!
250
00:10:31,842 --> 00:10:34,172
Hey. Did he
learn a lesson?
251
00:10:34,174 --> 00:10:36,764
Oh, yeah.
Lessons were
learned, all right.
252
00:10:36,757 --> 00:10:39,347
So, he's done gambling?
253
00:10:39,349 --> 00:10:40,889
Yeah. With me, anyway.
254
00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:43,892
What happened?
255
00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:45,114
(MUMBLES) He beat me.
256
00:10:45,105 --> 00:10:46,525
Huh? Huh?
What was that? What?
257
00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:47,726
I said, he beat me.
258
00:10:51,441 --> 00:10:54,031
He won my money
and he took my clubs.
259
00:10:54,034 --> 00:10:57,124
No! Michael!
Your golf clubs?
260
00:10:57,117 --> 00:11:00,077
I've never seen
a lucky streak like that
in my entire life.
261
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,040
It was like
playing with
Rain Man.
262
00:11:02,042 --> 00:11:04,622
You know,
he's got that dumb face,
so you can't read it.
263
00:11:04,624 --> 00:11:07,594
And then, the fact
that he can't add really
makes him fearless.
264
00:11:09,549 --> 00:11:10,919
Let me
get this straight.
265
00:11:10,921 --> 00:11:13,711
Not only did you lose
your new golf clubs,
266
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:17,184
but now Junior thinks
that this is an okay way
to make a living.
267
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,847
Congratulations,
Michael!
268
00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:22,760
I should just nominate you
as Father of the Year
'cause this is great.
269
00:11:22,763 --> 00:11:24,513
No, you should, Jay.
270
00:11:24,514 --> 00:11:26,234
You know why?
You know why?
271
00:11:26,226 --> 00:11:28,146
Because this is all
part of my plan.
272
00:11:28,148 --> 00:11:29,768
Oh, here we go!
273
00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:31,860
No, I got him
right where
I want him.
274
00:11:31,862 --> 00:11:36,822
See? And I'm slowly
drawing him into
my sticky little web.
275
00:11:36,817 --> 00:11:38,867
I want him
overconfident, Jay.
276
00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:41,819
I want him to be
overconfident because that's
when I strike like lightning.
277
00:11:41,822 --> 00:11:43,242
(EXCLAIMING)
278
00:11:44,785 --> 00:11:47,745
Hey. I just came in
to collect my debt.
279
00:11:47,748 --> 00:11:51,418
You know, Dad,
this putter is gonna make
a great back scratcher.
280
00:11:51,421 --> 00:11:53,381
It's gonna make
a better murder weapon.
281
00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:56,135
Good night.
282
00:11:57,637 --> 00:11:59,217
Hey.
Hmm.
283
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,299
(EXCLAIMING)
284
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,110
Top of the morning
to you, Father.
285
00:12:12,112 --> 00:12:13,482
What are you drinking?
286
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,453
It's a cup of tea.
287
00:12:15,445 --> 00:12:18,985
Oh, I guess that's
the only tee time
you could get, huh?
288
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,619
Oh, you're
gonna get it.
289
00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:24,532
Look, I need to
borrow your clubs.
290
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:26,924
(SIGHS) Sorry.
No can do.
291
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:28,957
All right. Then,
I'll rent them
from you.
292
00:12:28,959 --> 00:12:31,079
I have a very important
game this afternoon.
293
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:32,751
Yeah, I wish I could.
294
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,502
How about I just
take them from you?
295
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,384
Fine. But you'd
have to take them
from the pawnshop.
296
00:12:37,377 --> 00:12:39,677
You pawned
my golf clubs?
297
00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,009
No, I pawned
my golf clubs.
298
00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,683
Got 500 bucks
for them, too.
299
00:12:44,684 --> 00:12:47,274
$500! Those were
$3000 clubs.
300
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,387
Huh. Were! Were!
301
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,691
What are you thinking?
302
00:12:53,693 --> 00:12:55,533
I'm thinking that
you're gonna double
any money I make
303
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,275
at the end
of the week.
304
00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:59,567
You know what?
You may not last
till the end of the week.
305
00:12:59,569 --> 00:13:02,489
Oh, come on, Dad.
This was your idea.
306
00:13:02,492 --> 00:13:03,992
You're not a sore loser,
are you?
307
00:13:03,994 --> 00:13:05,714
(SNICKERS)
308
00:13:05,705 --> 00:13:07,575
No, but you're about
to be a sore winner.
309
00:13:07,577 --> 00:13:08,577
(SNICKERS)
310
00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:17,054
(GRUNTING)
There you are.
311
00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:20,128
Well, it's all here.
312
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:24,090
I had to get all
the loot back from
the lemonade gang.
313
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,644
What are you guys
doing to Junior?
314
00:13:25,635 --> 00:13:27,725
He rented out
the entire spa
for the day.
315
00:13:27,727 --> 00:13:29,727
Well, you're washing
those towels, young lady.
316
00:13:29,729 --> 00:13:32,189
For the money
he's paying,
it's worth it.
317
00:13:32,192 --> 00:13:33,482
Oh, look!
318
00:13:33,483 --> 00:13:35,943
He has six toes!
319
00:13:35,936 --> 00:13:38,696
(BOTH SCREAMING)
320
00:13:38,698 --> 00:13:41,238
It's a bunion!
It's a bunion.
321
00:13:45,285 --> 00:13:46,575
What's that, Daddy?
322
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,406
It's my very own
slot machine.
323
00:13:48,408 --> 00:13:51,708
I could get you
at least 50 bucks
for that on the street.
324
00:13:51,711 --> 00:13:53,251
Oh, no, no.
325
00:13:53,253 --> 00:13:54,623
I don't want you
to touch it.
326
00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:57,594
None of y'all.
Especially you,
Mr. Hot Hands.
327
00:13:58,588 --> 00:13:59,958
Okay, Claire,
328
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,220
here are some old towels
you can use, and, Kady,
329
00:14:03,223 --> 00:14:06,063
there's a box
in the garage,
next to Daddy's car.
330
00:14:06,056 --> 00:14:07,346
You can sell anything
in that box.
331
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:09,307
The car is
not for sale.
332
00:14:09,309 --> 00:14:11,179
I could have got
50 bucks for it.
333
00:14:13,813 --> 00:14:15,193
What is this?
334
00:14:15,185 --> 00:14:16,855
Slot machine, Jay.
335
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,478
Step into my office.
336
00:14:20,941 --> 00:14:22,111
This should be good.
337
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,192
Hmm.
338
00:14:24,034 --> 00:14:25,334
Explain yourself.
339
00:14:25,325 --> 00:14:26,905
Okay.
340
00:14:26,907 --> 00:14:28,697
You're walking
down the street, Jay.
341
00:14:28,698 --> 00:14:32,118
It's a beautiful day.
The sky is blue.
Not a cloud in sight.
342
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:34,542
What's the last thing
you expect to see?
343
00:14:34,544 --> 00:14:35,714
A slot machine!
344
00:14:36,957 --> 00:14:38,457
Nope.
345
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:39,758
(EXCLAIMING)
346
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,420
Lightning, Jay.
347
00:14:42,302 --> 00:14:44,212
That's my lightning,
348
00:14:44,214 --> 00:14:47,314
and I'm gonna
strike him
with my lightning.
349
00:14:47,307 --> 00:14:48,767
Look at that boy.
350
00:14:48,768 --> 00:14:52,468
He's just gloating,
spending my money on
his crusty little feet.
351
00:14:52,472 --> 00:14:54,472
You know,
he got webbed toes.
352
00:14:54,474 --> 00:14:56,024
That's why
he swims so fast.
353
00:14:56,016 --> 00:14:57,566
You ever
see him swim?
354
00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:58,977
That's a skin flap,
355
00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:01,819
and I still don't
understand your plan.
356
00:15:01,821 --> 00:15:03,481
Watch, listen
and learn, baby.
357
00:15:12,332 --> 00:15:13,492
JAY: Michael.
Huh?
358
00:15:13,493 --> 00:15:15,803
When are you coming to bed?
I'm tired of waiting.
359
00:15:15,795 --> 00:15:18,495
I'll be up in a minute.
Just a few more quarters.
360
00:15:18,498 --> 00:15:19,748
(GRUNTS)
361
00:15:19,749 --> 00:15:21,999
How much money
have you put into
that thing already?
362
00:15:22,002 --> 00:15:24,882
I don't know.
About five, $600.
363
00:15:25,885 --> 00:15:27,005
(SCOFFS)
364
00:15:27,007 --> 00:15:28,597
She's ready, Jay.
365
00:15:28,598 --> 00:15:30,348
She's ready
to put out.
366
00:15:30,350 --> 00:15:34,220
Well, I'm not!
I'm going to bed.
Good night.
367
00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:37,324
Junior,
try to get him
to stop, please.
368
00:15:37,317 --> 00:15:40,647
Come on, baby.
Give it! Yeah!
Give it! Yeah!
369
00:15:40,650 --> 00:15:43,150
Dad, haven't you lost
enough already?
Hmm?
370
00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:44,993
A smart gambler knows
when to walk away.
371
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:46,065
You think?
372
00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:47,946
Hey, that's my secret.
373
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,567
But, Son,
she's primed.
374
00:15:49,569 --> 00:15:53,199
(SCOFFS) Go to bed, Dad.
Walk away.
375
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,043
Look at the knob
on that thing.
376
00:15:56,496 --> 00:15:57,536
Dad.
377
00:15:58,418 --> 00:16:00,918
Hey. Thanks for caring.
378
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,340
Oh, it's not that.
See, tomorrow's
the end of the week,
379
00:16:03,343 --> 00:16:04,883
and you have
to pay me off.
380
00:16:04,884 --> 00:16:07,644
I just want to
make sure you
have enough cash.
381
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:08,847
I'll have enough cash.
382
00:16:09,799 --> 00:16:12,009
I'm going to get
a glass of milk.
383
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,392
Good night.
384
00:16:18,398 --> 00:16:20,058
FEMALE VOICE:
Hey, handsome.
385
00:16:22,362 --> 00:16:23,692
Who, me?
386
00:16:23,693 --> 00:16:25,243
Yeah, you.
387
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,565
Over here.
388
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,992
Is that
a roll of quarters
in your pocket,
389
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:37,174
or are you just
happy to see me?
390
00:16:38,578 --> 00:16:39,708
Actually, both.
391
00:16:42,542 --> 00:16:45,132
Come on and play
with me, Junior.
392
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:46,465
You can do it.
393
00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:49,176
I'll make you feel so good.
394
00:16:53,473 --> 00:16:55,813
This must be
your first time.
395
00:16:55,805 --> 00:17:00,515
Who, me? Nah, I've
done this plenty...
Yes.
396
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,900
Don't worry.
I'll talk you
through it.
397
00:17:03,903 --> 00:17:05,783
But I'm almost
out of quarters.
398
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:08,105
Oh, I'm easy
to satisfy.
399
00:17:08,108 --> 00:17:10,528
I take dollars, too.
400
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,610
Now, stop wasting time, cutie.
401
00:17:12,612 --> 00:17:13,992
Let's dance.
402
00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:19,748
Yeah.
403
00:17:21,751 --> 00:17:23,421
Okay, okay, okay.
404
00:17:24,464 --> 00:17:25,474
Yeah.
405
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:43,812
(EXCLAIMS)
406
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:46,404
(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION)
407
00:17:50,490 --> 00:17:51,650
(KICKING)
Come on!
Come on!
408
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:56,124
(SIGHS IN RELIEF)
409
00:17:56,906 --> 00:17:58,906
Junior,
what are you doing?
410
00:17:58,908 --> 00:18:00,578
She used me, Dad.
411
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,200
She took all my money.
412
00:18:02,202 --> 00:18:04,162
Didn't I tell you
to stay away from
that machine?
413
00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:08,014
Oh, I tried, but
she kept calling me.
She seduced me.
414
00:18:08,007 --> 00:18:09,417
Well, what did she get?
415
00:18:09,419 --> 00:18:12,379
Everything, except
for this one quarter.
416
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:14,212
This is gonna
win it back for me.
417
00:18:14,214 --> 00:18:16,104
Because, see,
the problem was
418
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,425
I had nobody
watching me
419
00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:19,517
'cause I'm a performer
and I get off,
420
00:18:19,519 --> 00:18:22,269
I come alive by the edge
that the crowd gives me.
421
00:18:22,272 --> 00:18:23,852
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
422
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:26,573
Plus, she's due.
She's primed.
423
00:18:26,566 --> 00:18:28,646
I know she's
gonna hit 'em.
424
00:18:28,648 --> 00:18:31,528
All right. Then, I'll be
your crowd. You bring it
on home, Junior.
425
00:18:35,945 --> 00:18:37,325
Loser!
426
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,078
I can't believe it, Dad.
427
00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:41,789
Everything's gone.
428
00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:44,911
Junior, let me show
you the only key to
beating this machine.
429
00:18:44,914 --> 00:18:46,554
I want to see this.
Here it is.
430
00:18:48,838 --> 00:18:50,708
That's a key.
Yes, it is.
431
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:52,050
And watch this.
432
00:18:54,554 --> 00:18:56,314
Cha-ching!
433
00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:58,636
Winner, winner, winner!
434
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,758
Look at all
these moneys!
435
00:19:03,683 --> 00:19:06,573
See, Son, this is what
I was trying to teach you
about gambling.
436
00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:08,936
The house always wins.
437
00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:11,398
Well, it's officially
the end of the week.
438
00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:13,231
How much you
got left, Son?
439
00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:14,403
Zero.
440
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:17,374
Well, me being
the man of my word,
441
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,077
I'm gonna double that.
442
00:19:25,245 --> 00:19:26,455
Oh, yeah, Junior...
443
00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:27,586
(EXCLAIMING)
444
00:19:38,137 --> 00:19:40,597
There you go!
Yes, Daddy missed you.
445
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,600
Did you miss Daddy, baby?
You missed Daddy.
446
00:19:43,603 --> 00:19:45,013
Yes, you did.
447
00:19:45,014 --> 00:19:47,274
I wish you showed me
that much affection.
448
00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:49,567
Come on, Jay.
You know you're
my hole in one.
449
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,940
Yeah, good.
450
00:19:53,653 --> 00:19:55,783
So, congratulations.
451
00:19:55,775 --> 00:19:58,655
Once again you have
coerced your children
into learning.
452
00:19:58,658 --> 00:20:01,578
I prefer to use the term
"tortured."
453
00:20:01,581 --> 00:20:03,121
Yeah. It was torturous
for me, too.
454
00:20:03,122 --> 00:20:05,792
I had to buy those
children off just so
I could get some peace.
455
00:20:05,785 --> 00:20:08,495
You know what our greatest
accomplishment is? Junior.
456
00:20:08,498 --> 00:20:11,458
Hey, Junior!
Come on down here.
457
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,091
You're gonna be
late for work.
458
00:20:13,092 --> 00:20:16,932
There he is. Is that not
the hardest working chicken
in all of Connecticut?
459
00:20:16,926 --> 00:20:19,426
Come here,
you little cluck.
460
00:20:19,429 --> 00:20:21,799
Ha! Ha! Ha!
Very funny.
461
00:20:21,801 --> 00:20:23,681
I'm ready for work.
462
00:20:23,683 --> 00:20:26,153
Hey, while you're
at the job, don't
talk to no chicks.
463
00:20:26,145 --> 00:20:27,515
(SNICKERING)
464
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:28,847
Chicks!
465
00:20:28,848 --> 00:20:30,978
Leave him alone,
Michael.
466
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,150
Thank you, Mom.
467
00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:34,231
Hey, fix your feathers.
I see your gizzards.
468
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,776
All right.
Can you please
drive me?
469
00:20:38,778 --> 00:20:40,738
Oh, only if
you do one thing
for me.
470
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:41,860
What's that?
471
00:20:41,861 --> 00:20:43,741
Lay me some eggs
for breakfast tomorrow.
472
00:20:44,864 --> 00:20:46,924
(LAUGHING)
473
00:20:46,916 --> 00:20:48,626
That's poultry in motion.
474
00:20:52,171 --> 00:20:54,001
Hey, Junior,
you want to bet
on the game?
475
00:20:54,003 --> 00:20:55,133
No. No way.
476
00:20:55,134 --> 00:20:56,884
What's the matter?
You chicken?
477
00:20:56,876 --> 00:20:59,086
You chicken!
Chicken!
32632
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