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1
00:00:06,427 --> 00:00:09,257
(WHISPERING) No! Jay,
turn the light off!
2
00:00:10,891 --> 00:00:13,761
Sorry! I didn't know
you were in here.
3
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,024
And why are
we whispering?
4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,265
Shh!
5
00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,807
Look across
the street.
Come here.
6
00:00:20,641 --> 00:00:22,061
Come here. Look.
7
00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:23,733
Get down. Get down!
8
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:25,695
What?
9
00:00:25,696 --> 00:00:27,236
You see the light?
Yeah.
10
00:00:27,238 --> 00:00:29,988
In the neighbor's house?
He's watching me.
11
00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:31,240
What? What are you
talking about?
12
00:00:31,242 --> 00:00:33,452
He's...
Jay, he's a Pooping Tom.
13
00:00:35,286 --> 00:00:37,656
Have you actually
seen this man
looking at you?
14
00:00:37,658 --> 00:00:40,868
No, but I feel it.
Every time I'm sitting
over there rocking,
15
00:00:40,871 --> 00:00:43,001
I feel his eyes
all over me.
16
00:00:44,585 --> 00:00:47,165
This is stupid.
You are so
paranoid, Michael.
17
00:00:47,168 --> 00:00:48,338
I'm not...
18
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,469
Don't turn on the light!
19
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,353
And will you
keep it down?
20
00:00:54,345 --> 00:00:56,095
He could
be listening.
Listening for what?
21
00:00:56,097 --> 00:00:57,677
What could he
possibly be
listening for?
22
00:00:57,678 --> 00:01:01,478
I don't know.
Sounds, grunts,
my sighs of relief.
23
00:01:01,482 --> 00:01:02,942
I don't know.
24
00:01:03,854 --> 00:01:06,194
He's the wacko.
25
00:01:06,187 --> 00:01:07,357
You know what?
What?
26
00:01:07,358 --> 00:01:08,778
This is what you
should do, Michael.
27
00:01:08,779 --> 00:01:10,319
(WHISPERING) Wait,
wait, wait, wait.
28
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:12,651
Call the cops.
'Cause they probably...
29
00:01:12,653 --> 00:01:17,463
See, they probably have
a special task force
just to catch Pooping Toms.
30
00:01:17,458 --> 00:01:18,698
Yeah.
Yeah!
31
00:01:18,699 --> 00:01:20,499
The Squat team.
32
00:01:25,256 --> 00:01:28,206
Mommy, I'm so
glad that I love
Buddy the hamster.
33
00:01:28,209 --> 00:01:30,169
(CHUCKLING)
Well, you know what?
34
00:01:30,171 --> 00:01:31,551
I think you two
look alike.
35
00:01:31,552 --> 00:01:32,882
(SNIFFING)
36
00:01:34,425 --> 00:01:36,215
It was really nice
of your school
37
00:01:36,217 --> 00:01:38,477
to let you have him
for the week.
38
00:01:38,479 --> 00:01:40,559
That's because
I won the spelling bee.
39
00:01:40,561 --> 00:01:42,561
Really? And what did
you have to spell?
40
00:01:42,563 --> 00:01:43,603
Bee.
41
00:01:44,685 --> 00:01:46,685
You know what?
If this all goes well,
42
00:01:46,687 --> 00:01:50,527
maybe we can talk your
daddy into letting you
have your own little pet.
43
00:01:50,531 --> 00:01:53,731
Daddy hates
everything that's
little and furry.
44
00:01:53,734 --> 00:01:54,914
Mmm.
45
00:01:58,159 --> 00:02:00,119
Try to keep him in his cage,
okay, baby?
46
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,240
Okay.
47
00:02:08,589 --> 00:02:10,589
Junior.
48
00:02:10,591 --> 00:02:12,751
You read the back
of that cereal box
every single morning.
49
00:02:12,753 --> 00:02:14,263
How can you
still laugh at it?
50
00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:16,175
Because no matter
how many times
51
00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,557
that silly rabbit
tricks me with his
little disguises,
52
00:02:18,559 --> 00:02:21,599
he never gets
past those kids.
They're geniuses!
53
00:02:24,355 --> 00:02:27,105
I don't believe it!
54
00:02:27,107 --> 00:02:28,437
This guy is
unbelievable.
55
00:02:28,439 --> 00:02:30,109
What guy?
56
00:02:30,110 --> 00:02:32,110
The neighbor.
You know what
he just did?
57
00:02:32,112 --> 00:02:34,452
What, Michael?
What could he have
possibly done this time?
58
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:38,485
All right.
I take the garbage out,
put it in the trash.
59
00:02:38,489 --> 00:02:40,199
Turn around,
look back,
60
00:02:40,201 --> 00:02:43,781
he's putting
his garbage
in our cans.
61
00:02:43,784 --> 00:02:45,464
So what?
It's garbage.
62
00:02:45,456 --> 00:02:47,876
When they collect it,
it's going in the
same place anyway.
63
00:02:47,878 --> 00:02:50,548
No, no, no, no. See,
it's principle, Jay.
64
00:02:50,551 --> 00:02:53,711
I don't want
another man's hand
digging in my can.
65
00:02:54,885 --> 00:02:58,295
I think he found your
bumper sticker, Michael.
66
00:02:58,299 --> 00:03:00,559
Hey, I hope that's
a new fashion statement
67
00:03:00,561 --> 00:03:02,801
because your
school bus will be
here in 20 minutes.
68
00:03:02,803 --> 00:03:04,363
(MOANING)
I feel sick.
69
00:03:04,355 --> 00:03:06,975
Mommy, feel
my forehead.
I'm burning up.
70
00:03:07,648 --> 00:03:09,148
Oh, poor Claire.
71
00:03:09,149 --> 00:03:11,439
She does feel
sick, Michael.
72
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:12,692
It's okay.
73
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,703
I'll try to make it
if I don't pass out
on the bus.
74
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,735
No, no, no, no.
You're gonna march
yourself upstairs
75
00:03:16,737 --> 00:03:18,027
and get back
in that bed.
76
00:03:18,028 --> 00:03:19,578
(COUGHS)
Okay, Mom.
77
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:22,990
And the Oscar
goes to Claire Kyle
for The Lying Game.
78
00:03:25,326 --> 00:03:27,326
(COUGHING)
79
00:03:27,328 --> 00:03:29,828
Daddy, I feel sick, too.
80
00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:31,380
I think I have
what Claire has.
81
00:03:31,382 --> 00:03:32,672
Touch my forehead.
82
00:03:32,673 --> 00:03:34,303
No, there's a better way
to tell your temperature.
83
00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:36,175
Turn around.
Can you bend down?
Can you touch your toes?
84
00:03:36,176 --> 00:03:38,176
Okay.
Okay.
85
00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:39,678
Get your butt to school.
86
00:03:45,055 --> 00:03:46,895
See? That's
the way you do it.
87
00:03:46,897 --> 00:03:49,057
I don't know how you
fell for the oldest
trick in the book.
88
00:03:49,059 --> 00:03:51,019
What? She was sick!
89
00:03:51,021 --> 00:03:53,021
Yeah. She's faking.
90
00:03:53,023 --> 00:03:56,203
I know fake moaning
when I hear it.
91
00:03:56,196 --> 00:03:59,616
I know for a fact
that that's not true.
92
00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:02,620
Michael, the girl
does well in school.
What's one day off?
93
00:04:02,623 --> 00:04:05,753
Hey, as long
as you know
she's playing you.
94
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,956
First, it's the neighbor,
now it's Claire?
95
00:04:07,958 --> 00:04:09,368
You are so paranoid!
96
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:11,330
I am not paranoid.
97
00:04:11,332 --> 00:04:12,792
But you know what?
(SIGHING) What?
98
00:04:12,793 --> 00:04:14,683
I'm a go
put our garbage
in his garbage
99
00:04:14,675 --> 00:04:16,755
and see how
he likes that.
100
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,877
That'll show him.
101
00:04:17,878 --> 00:04:19,008
MICHAEL: Correct.
102
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,799
Mommy?
103
00:04:20,801 --> 00:04:23,301
Hey. Oh. I'm sorry, baby,
we're gonna be late for
Tumble Tots. Let's go.
104
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,984
No, Mommy.
105
00:04:24,975 --> 00:04:27,725
Buddy got out
of his cage and
I can't find him.
106
00:04:27,728 --> 00:04:29,808
How did that
happen, Kady?
107
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:31,730
I left his
cage open,
108
00:04:31,732 --> 00:04:34,322
but I told him
not to move.
109
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:36,525
Okay, look.
There's food
in his cage.
110
00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:37,857
He'll come back
when he's hungry.
111
00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:39,568
So don't worry,
we'll find him.
112
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:40,820
Let's go.
113
00:04:52,002 --> 00:04:53,622
MAN ON TV: Please welcome...
114
00:04:53,624 --> 00:04:54,884
Come on. Will you
just show the
Jordan highlights?
115
00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:56,585
I gotta go to work.
116
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:07,927
(SCREAMING)
117
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,981
What was that?
118
00:05:12,983 --> 00:05:15,533
Oh, my God,
I killed a rat.
119
00:05:15,526 --> 00:05:18,066
Look at the size
of this thing.
120
00:05:18,068 --> 00:05:19,938
Oh, boy, I was on
my way to the
temp agency
121
00:05:19,940 --> 00:05:21,320
and forgot my resume.
122
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,941
Look, baby,
I killed a rat!
123
00:05:22,943 --> 00:05:25,213
Yeah, that neighbor's
trash is starting to
attract rodents.
124
00:05:25,205 --> 00:05:26,615
Oh, my God!
125
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:28,247
Yeah, imagine that,
in our house, rats!
Michael!
126
00:05:28,248 --> 00:05:30,788
I know!
Michael! No,
that's Buddy!
127
00:05:30,791 --> 00:05:32,121
You knew him?
128
00:05:32,122 --> 00:05:35,012
That's Kady's hamster
from school!
129
00:05:35,005 --> 00:05:36,455
(SIGHS)
Uh-oh.
130
00:05:36,457 --> 00:05:38,547
So, what are
we gonna do?
We?
131
00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:39,839
Yeah.
No, uh-uh.
132
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,630
You killed him.
You better give
him mouth-to-mouth.
133
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:43,882
I ain't putting my mouth
on no hamster mouth.
134
00:05:43,884 --> 00:05:46,144
You better think of
something, Michael.
135
00:05:46,136 --> 00:05:47,346
Okay. I got an idea.
136
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,677
Buddy, no, Buddy!
No, live!
137
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:52,140
I could do
CPR with this.
138
00:05:52,142 --> 00:05:53,642
(GRUNTS) Okay.
139
00:05:54,895 --> 00:05:56,975
One, two, three,
four, five.
140
00:05:58,028 --> 00:05:59,318
(EXHALES)
141
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,691
One, two, three,
four, five.
142
00:06:04,284 --> 00:06:05,294
(EXHALES)
143
00:06:06,827 --> 00:06:08,247
Is he dead?
144
00:06:08,248 --> 00:06:09,868
Yeah.
145
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,830
(SIGHING)
It's not working.
146
00:06:11,832 --> 00:06:12,952
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
147
00:06:12,953 --> 00:06:14,553
I'm glad
I'm not you
right now,
148
00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:16,495
'cause you're gonna
have to explain this
to Kady.
149
00:06:16,497 --> 00:06:18,377
Look, Jay,
I tell you what.
Let's not tell her.
150
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,168
Okay? I could just
buy another one
and replace it.
151
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,760
She'll never know
the difference.
152
00:06:21,762 --> 00:06:23,342
I hope you're
right, Michael.
153
00:06:23,343 --> 00:06:24,603
(SCREAMS)
Oh, he moved!
154
00:06:24,595 --> 00:06:26,765
Michael, no!
155
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:28,507
(STAMMERING)
No, Michael! No!
156
00:06:30,310 --> 00:06:33,010
Yeah, Erica,
they totally
fell for it.
157
00:06:33,013 --> 00:06:35,653
I just whipped up
a little fever with
the wash cloth.
158
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:37,066
So, where are you?
159
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:38,187
Algebra?
160
00:06:38,188 --> 00:06:40,018
(LAUGHING)
161
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:42,520
Oh, that's Tony!
I'll call you later.
162
00:06:51,492 --> 00:06:53,412
Ow! Watch it!
163
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,713
I'm coming down.
164
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:57,746
He's cute
but he's so dumb.
165
00:06:58,999 --> 00:07:01,999
Yeah, I'm looking
to replace
a dead hamster.
166
00:07:02,002 --> 00:07:03,382
Color?
167
00:07:03,383 --> 00:07:04,553
What's my race
got to do...
168
00:07:04,545 --> 00:07:06,135
Oh! The hamster.
169
00:07:08,549 --> 00:07:11,469
Uh, it's brown
and white and
red all over.
170
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,693
Length?
171
00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,935
Uh, it's about
four inches.
172
00:07:19,059 --> 00:07:20,859
Eyes? Closed.
173
00:07:23,113 --> 00:07:25,073
Okay. Uh...
174
00:07:25,065 --> 00:07:27,775
I gotta let you go.
There's a boy in
my bushes right now.
175
00:07:27,778 --> 00:07:29,278
I'll call you back.
176
00:07:32,242 --> 00:07:33,572
Uh, Daddy!
177
00:07:34,745 --> 00:07:36,535
What are you
doing home?
178
00:07:36,537 --> 00:07:38,537
I was just
about to leave.
179
00:07:38,539 --> 00:07:40,079
You look like
you're feeling better.
180
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,250
(STAMMERING) Uh, no!
I feel worse.
181
00:07:42,252 --> 00:07:43,752
I just came down
182
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:46,224
(CLEARS THROAT)
to get some more
of that sick medicine.
183
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,756
Really? So why'd you
change your clothes?
184
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:50,929
Because I
threw up on them.
185
00:07:50,931 --> 00:07:52,891
Maybe I should
stay home and
take care of you.
186
00:07:52,893 --> 00:07:53,933
No!
187
00:07:55,095 --> 00:07:56,475
Why not?
188
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,976
Because I don't want
you to catch it.
189
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:01,019
(COUGHING)
190
00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:02,771
Yeah, maybe
you're right.
191
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,103
(COUGHING)
192
00:08:04,104 --> 00:08:05,454
I'm gonna leave.
Okay.
193
00:08:05,445 --> 00:08:07,155
Yeah.
(COUGHS) Okay.
I'll see you later.
194
00:08:07,157 --> 00:08:08,447
I left you a snack
on the counter.
195
00:08:08,448 --> 00:08:09,778
Okay, bye.
196
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:12,781
(COUGHING)
197
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,712
(WHISTLING)
198
00:08:24,294 --> 00:08:25,634
(MOOING)
199
00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:28,216
(WHISPERING)
The coast is clear!
200
00:08:28,218 --> 00:08:29,588
Come, come.
201
00:08:30,801 --> 00:08:32,131
What was that all about?
202
00:08:32,132 --> 00:08:33,472
I said make
a bird noise.
203
00:08:33,473 --> 00:08:34,853
I couldn't think of
any bird noises,
204
00:08:34,845 --> 00:08:36,345
so I did the only
animal noise I knew.
205
00:08:36,346 --> 00:08:37,476
A cow?
Yeah.
206
00:08:37,477 --> 00:08:38,727
It's either that
or a pig.
207
00:08:38,729 --> 00:08:40,229
But why would a pig
be in the bushes?
208
00:08:40,230 --> 00:08:42,230
Why would a cow
be in the bushes?
209
00:08:42,232 --> 00:08:43,852
Hiding.
210
00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:45,204
So, what do
you wanna do?
211
00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:46,815
I don't know.
What do you
wanna do?
212
00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:48,737
I don't know.
What do you
wanna do?
213
00:08:48,739 --> 00:08:50,199
I don't care.
It's your house.
What do you wanna do?
214
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,990
You're the guest.
What do you wanna do?
215
00:08:51,992 --> 00:08:53,322
I wanna do
whatever you
wanna do.
216
00:08:53,323 --> 00:08:55,083
Let's watch TV.
Okay.
217
00:08:55,075 --> 00:08:56,325
What do you
wanna watch?
218
00:08:56,326 --> 00:08:57,826
I don't know.
What do you
wanna watch?
219
00:08:57,828 --> 00:08:59,078
I don't know.
What do you
wanna watch?
220
00:08:59,079 --> 00:09:00,499
I don't care.
It's your TV.
221
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,870
What do you
wanna watch?
You're the company.
222
00:09:01,872 --> 00:09:03,162
What do you
wanna watch?
223
00:09:03,163 --> 00:09:04,373
I want to watch
whatever you
wanna watch.
224
00:09:04,374 --> 00:09:05,634
Let's not watch TV.
225
00:09:05,626 --> 00:09:07,046
You want to
see my room?
226
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,007
I don't know.
You wanna
show it to me?
227
00:09:08,008 --> 00:09:09,338
If you wanna see it.
228
00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:10,839
I want to
if you want to.
229
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,341
You know what?
Just follow me.
230
00:09:12,342 --> 00:09:14,012
You want me to? Because
if you want me to...
Shut up, Tony.
231
00:09:14,014 --> 00:09:15,684
Just come with me.
232
00:09:24,354 --> 00:09:26,904
Hi. I'm doing
a survey on
refrigerators.
233
00:09:26,897 --> 00:09:28,147
You are?
234
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,400
Can you check to see
if yours is running?
235
00:09:31,401 --> 00:09:33,031
If so, catch it!
236
00:09:33,033 --> 00:09:35,873
(GIGGLING)
Isn't that funny?
237
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,246
I don't get it.
238
00:09:37,247 --> 00:09:39,197
See, your...
239
00:09:39,199 --> 00:09:42,409
You know what?
You don't have to, Tony,
because you're cute.
240
00:09:42,412 --> 00:09:44,082
You're cute, too.
You think so?
241
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,884
Yeah, I sure do.
242
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:47,876
You know what'd
happen if my
father caught us?
243
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,008
What?
244
00:09:49,009 --> 00:09:50,259
He'd kill us.
245
00:09:50,260 --> 00:09:52,210
He'd kill us
even though we're sick?
246
00:09:52,212 --> 00:09:54,092
Tony, we're
not really sick.
247
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,434
Oh, right!
248
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,137
(DOORKNOB RATTLING)
249
00:09:58,138 --> 00:10:00,178
Claire, why is
this door locked?
250
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,770
(WHISPERS) Hide!
251
00:10:02,773 --> 00:10:04,733
(COUGHING)
I thought you left.
252
00:10:04,725 --> 00:10:07,565
Now, you know the
worst thing you could do
is lie to me, young lady.
253
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:10,317
I know that, Daddy.
Good.
254
00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,030
Because I'm only
gonna ask you this once.
255
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,664
Is there anyone else
in this room with you?
256
00:10:16,657 --> 00:10:19,197
(CLEARS THROAT) Huh?
(CLEARS THROAT) I said,
257
00:10:19,199 --> 00:10:21,579
is there anyone else
in this room with you?
258
00:10:21,581 --> 00:10:24,581
Yes.
Oh. And who might that be?
259
00:10:24,584 --> 00:10:26,964
My very
understanding father.
260
00:10:26,957 --> 00:10:28,337
Really?
Yeah.
261
00:10:28,338 --> 00:10:29,918
I hope that's him
behind the curtain
262
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:33,840
'cause your
pissed off father's
standing right here.
263
00:10:33,844 --> 00:10:35,764
Come on out here, genius.
264
00:10:35,756 --> 00:10:37,926
Who? Me?
No, the idiot
behind the curtain.
265
00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,428
Oh, thank God!
266
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,020
Get out here!
267
00:10:45,766 --> 00:10:48,106
Claire, why don't
you introduce me
to your friend?
268
00:10:48,108 --> 00:10:51,398
This is Tony. Tony,
this is my father.
269
00:10:52,442 --> 00:10:54,482
It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Kyle.
270
00:10:54,484 --> 00:10:57,584
If I shake your hand,
I'm gonna put it
in my pocket.
271
00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,780
So, what do
you think I should
do with you, Tony?
272
00:11:01,782 --> 00:11:03,202
I don't know.
What do you
wanna do?
273
00:11:03,203 --> 00:11:05,593
No, I asked you first.
What do you think
I should do with you?
274
00:11:05,585 --> 00:11:07,625
I don't care. It's your
house. I can't tell you
what to do.
275
00:11:07,627 --> 00:11:09,417
No, it's your behind.
276
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,959
I wanna know
what you think
I should do with it.
277
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,211
Do whatever
you wanna do.
278
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:13,462
(SCREAMS)
279
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:25,814
What the hell
is wrong with you?
280
00:11:25,806 --> 00:11:27,646
Huh? What's
on your mind?
281
00:11:27,647 --> 00:11:29,807
Having a boy
in your room when
no one else is home?
282
00:11:29,810 --> 00:11:31,150
Do you know how
dangerous that is?
283
00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:32,271
What's wrong with you?
284
00:11:32,272 --> 00:11:33,362
It wasn't like that, Daddy.
285
00:11:33,363 --> 00:11:34,823
Oh, shut up!
286
00:11:34,815 --> 00:11:36,155
It didn't start out
like that,
287
00:11:36,156 --> 00:11:37,866
but it could've
ended up like that
288
00:11:37,868 --> 00:11:40,158
because you two
were running out
of things to say.
289
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,370
"What do you wanna do?"
"I don't know.
I'll do whatever you want."
290
00:11:42,372 --> 00:11:43,952
"What do you want?"
"You wanna see my pee-pee?"
291
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:46,294
Daddy! You don't
know this boy.
292
00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:48,626
He's innocent...
(SHUSHING) Okay?
293
00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:52,380
They all start
out innocent.
I was innocent.
294
00:11:52,382 --> 00:11:55,012
That freak
across the street,
he started out innocent.
295
00:11:55,005 --> 00:11:56,715
Now, he's peeking
in my window
296
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,756
and sniffing
around my can.
297
00:11:58,759 --> 00:12:00,719
The point is,
you never know.
298
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,010
What the hell
were you thinking?
299
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:06,023
Daddy, I just turned 15
and you won't let me date.
300
00:12:06,016 --> 00:12:08,766
Here's a date.
I got a date
for you. Okay?
301
00:12:08,769 --> 00:12:11,149
January 1st, 2025.
302
00:12:11,151 --> 00:12:13,021
You know what
date that is?
303
00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:15,703
That's the date
that you can finally
leave this room.
304
00:12:15,695 --> 00:12:16,985
That's my punishment.
305
00:12:16,987 --> 00:12:18,157
When your mother
finds out,
306
00:12:18,158 --> 00:12:19,238
you'll probably get
the death penalty.
307
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,029
Please, Dad.
Don't tell Mom.
308
00:12:21,031 --> 00:12:23,821
I'm sorry I ditched school.
I'm sorry I had Tony over.
309
00:12:23,824 --> 00:12:25,294
And I'm sorry
I broke the
window downstairs
310
00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:26,365
and blamed it on
the neighbors' kids.
311
00:12:26,366 --> 00:12:27,626
You broke
that window?
No.
312
00:12:27,627 --> 00:12:30,497
But I'll confess
to anything if you
don't tell Mom.
313
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,250
Okay, I won't
tell your mother.
(SIGHS) Oh, thank you.
314
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:35,182
But you gotta tell Kady
you killed her hamster.
315
00:12:35,175 --> 00:12:37,545
What?
Never mind.
316
00:12:37,547 --> 00:12:41,337
The point is,
this is not over
yet, lady. Okay?
317
00:12:41,341 --> 00:12:42,681
Daddy?
What?
318
00:12:42,682 --> 00:12:44,982
He's really cute,
isn't he?
319
00:12:44,975 --> 00:12:46,935
Yeah. So was
the hamster.
320
00:12:53,193 --> 00:12:54,693
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
321
00:12:54,694 --> 00:12:56,744
Look at the thing,
it's creepy.
322
00:12:56,736 --> 00:12:59,566
Daddy, you found Buddy!
323
00:12:59,569 --> 00:13:01,779
Uh, yeah. And I put
a leash on his neck,
324
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,661
so he can't
get away again.
325
00:13:03,663 --> 00:13:04,783
What's he doing?
326
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,084
He's sleeping
right now.
327
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:07,326
So, you don't
wanna wake him up.
328
00:13:07,327 --> 00:13:08,827
He had a really
busy day.
329
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:09,959
(SHUSHING)
330
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,870
No, he's lazy.
We need to get
some exercise.
331
00:13:13,583 --> 00:13:15,423
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
332
00:13:15,415 --> 00:13:17,295
Come on, Buddy.
333
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,917
Kady.
Kady, baby...
Baby... Kady...
334
00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:23,131
(EXCLAIMING)
335
00:13:25,425 --> 00:13:28,685
I take it
you didn't complete
your errands, honey?
336
00:13:28,688 --> 00:13:30,688
I didn't have
the time, sugar.
337
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:33,520
Well, you're gonna have
to talk to her, sweetie.
338
00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:37,323
I will, but I don't
wanna break her
heart, honeybuns.
339
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,697
Well, you broke
his skull without
a second thought,
340
00:13:39,699 --> 00:13:42,439
didn't you there,
cupcake?
341
00:13:42,442 --> 00:13:44,322
And sooner or later
you're gonna have
to talk to her
342
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:47,254
and tell her the
truth, ding-dong.
343
00:13:47,247 --> 00:13:49,827
I will when I find
the right words
to say, dumpy.
344
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,329
I mean, dumping. Gling.
345
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:53,452
Cling?
Gling.
346
00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:54,623
Yeah, dumpling.
347
00:13:54,624 --> 00:13:56,594
Talk to her.
I will.
348
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,796
Can't we just get some
little wheels and put
it on him and drag him?
349
00:13:58,798 --> 00:14:01,218
Would you just
talk to her?
350
00:14:01,221 --> 00:14:02,551
All right.
351
00:14:02,552 --> 00:14:04,842
Look, Daddy,
I have him trained!
352
00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:07,306
Roll over.
353
00:14:07,307 --> 00:14:08,847
Sit up.
354
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,518
Play dead.
355
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,810
He got that one
down pat, huh?
356
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:14,392
Now, watch this.
357
00:14:18,068 --> 00:14:19,238
Fetch!
358
00:14:21,281 --> 00:14:22,901
Ta-da!
359
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:25,293
That was
pretty amazing, huh?
360
00:14:25,285 --> 00:14:26,655
Talk to her.
Yeah.
361
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:36,174
We ran around the
block three times.
362
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,296
Why aren't you eating?
363
00:14:38,298 --> 00:14:41,168
Probably because there's
a dead rat on the table.
364
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,802
I think I'm
going to vomit.
365
00:14:44,804 --> 00:14:46,814
Hey, Kady,
I got an idea.
366
00:14:46,806 --> 00:14:49,846
Why don't we take
Buddy outside and
feed him there, huh?
367
00:14:49,849 --> 00:14:51,929
(KICKING)
To what? Ow!
368
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,012
Okay.
369
00:14:55,725 --> 00:14:57,645
Come, Buddy, jump down.
370
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,794
Oh, that's six, Kady.
371
00:15:06,786 --> 00:15:08,026
Daddy,
I can't reach it.
372
00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:09,198
Will you please
move it for me?
373
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,949
(GROANS) Again?
374
00:15:12,032 --> 00:15:14,412
Hand me those
Buddy tongs, please.
375
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,206
Okay, six.
376
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,378
One, two, three,
377
00:15:22,042 --> 00:15:23,712
four, five, six!
378
00:15:23,713 --> 00:15:24,803
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
379
00:15:24,804 --> 00:15:27,054
Oh, all right.
He wins. Buddy wins!
380
00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:29,047
Buddy wins,
Buddy wins!
381
00:15:29,049 --> 00:15:30,219
Game over.
Buddy wins.
382
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:32,390
We can't compete
with Buddy.
383
00:15:32,392 --> 00:15:34,852
Yeah. Kady,
can you please
give us a break?
384
00:15:34,854 --> 00:15:36,524
Go put him to bed
or something.
MICHAEL: Yeah.
385
00:15:36,516 --> 00:15:38,056
Yeah, sure, Mommy.
386
00:15:38,058 --> 00:15:39,148
Okay.
387
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,400
Buddy, say
good night.
Okay, okay.
388
00:15:42,402 --> 00:15:46,072
Good night, good night,
good night, good night!
389
00:15:46,066 --> 00:15:47,696
Okay, okay,
good night, Buddy.
390
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,827
He's rubbing
against you...
391
00:15:48,828 --> 00:15:50,328
(SCREAMING)
392
00:15:50,330 --> 00:15:52,070
(SCREAMING)
393
00:15:52,072 --> 00:15:55,672
Sleep tight.
Don't let the
maggots bite.
394
00:15:55,665 --> 00:15:58,535
Junior, follow her
and make sure she
doesn't touch that thing.
395
00:15:58,538 --> 00:15:59,998
Oh, "Don't touch
that thing."
396
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,920
That's all
I ever hear.
397
00:16:03,633 --> 00:16:04,713
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
398
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,934
Ha, ha,
Dad lost to a dead hamster.
399
00:16:06,926 --> 00:16:08,426
(MOCK LAUGHTER)
400
00:16:08,428 --> 00:16:10,508
Have you told your
mother what you did
today in school?
401
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:11,590
(MOCK LAUGHTER)
402
00:16:11,591 --> 00:16:13,591
(WHISPERS) You promised
you wouldn't tell.
403
00:16:13,593 --> 00:16:14,723
I'm not telling.
404
00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,734
You're gonna tell.
405
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:19,266
Tell what?
Yeah. Tell what?
406
00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:22,979
I sort of pretended
to be sick so I could
stay home from school.
407
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,442
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
408
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,696
You what?
You what?
409
00:16:27,697 --> 00:16:30,067
After I stuck up
for you, Claire?
410
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:33,200
After she did all that
sticking up for you?
411
00:16:33,203 --> 00:16:35,213
I'm sorry, Mom,
I shouldn't have
done that.
412
00:16:35,205 --> 00:16:36,785
She's sorry.
413
00:16:36,786 --> 00:16:38,326
And she shouldn't
have done that.
414
00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:40,418
Why don't you
tell her what else you
shouldn't have done?
415
00:16:40,420 --> 00:16:43,210
Go ahead. She'll
want to hear this.
Go ahead.
416
00:16:44,584 --> 00:16:46,474
I kind of had
a friend over.
417
00:16:46,466 --> 00:16:47,676
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
418
00:16:47,677 --> 00:16:48,677
Who?
419
00:16:49,389 --> 00:16:51,009
Who was it? Erica?
420
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,760
What is her number?
I'm gonna call her
mother right now!
421
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:56,563
I think you
should call her,
and then ask her
422
00:16:56,556 --> 00:16:59,306
who's this other friend
that your daughter's
hanging out with.
423
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:02,809
The one that came over
here when we left
and went out to work.
424
00:17:02,812 --> 00:17:05,362
Go ahead, dial.
Dial that number.
425
00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:06,525
What other friend, Claire?
426
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,446
Yeah, what
other friend?
427
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,699
Tony.
428
00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:11,820
(STAMMERING)
What was that?
429
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:12,911
What, what,
what, what?
430
00:17:12,912 --> 00:17:15,712
I think
she said, "Tony."
431
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:19,035
That better be
Toni with an "I,"
as in Toni Braxton.
432
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:20,998
No, I think
that's Tony
with a "Y,"
433
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,330
as in, why is your
daughter still alive?
434
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:26,724
Oh, she won't
be for long.
435
00:17:26,716 --> 00:17:29,716
Well, I've gotta go
'cause I'm sure
you two have
436
00:17:29,719 --> 00:17:31,009
so much to
talk about.
437
00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,430
Yeah, yeah,
it's better that way.
438
00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,813
That way there's
no witnesses.
439
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:38,475
Yeah, and you have
to go talk to Kady.
440
00:17:38,478 --> 00:17:40,678
Okay, hand me
the Buddy tongs,
please.
441
00:17:42,182 --> 00:17:43,522
Thanks a lot, Daddy.
442
00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:45,743
(SCREAMS)
You're welcome, baby.
443
00:17:55,615 --> 00:17:58,695
Hey. I thought you
were gonna have that
conversation with Kady.
444
00:17:58,698 --> 00:18:00,038
I will.
445
00:18:00,039 --> 00:18:01,369
I just had to put
the curtain down
446
00:18:01,371 --> 00:18:04,371
on the number two
show in America.
447
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,924
Michael, I need
to talk to you
about Claire.
448
00:18:06,916 --> 00:18:08,256
What hospital
did you put her in?
449
00:18:08,258 --> 00:18:09,878
No.
450
00:18:09,879 --> 00:18:12,839
(CHUCKLES) Um...
I decided to
let her date.
451
00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,092
You what? Jay...
452
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,563
Baby, baby, look.
453
00:18:15,555 --> 00:18:17,425
I saw the look
in this girl's eyes.
454
00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:20,097
There's no way
we're gonna keep her
away from that boy,
455
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:22,389
so we have
to take control
of this situation.
456
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:23,852
You're right.
I gotta kill him.
457
00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,903
No! No.
458
00:18:25,895 --> 00:18:27,525
And you can't
kill them all.
459
00:18:27,527 --> 00:18:29,317
Yeah, but I can
make an example
out of this one
460
00:18:29,319 --> 00:18:32,319
and then the
word will start
to get around.
461
00:18:32,322 --> 00:18:34,612
Baby, do you
remember when we
first started dating
462
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,744
how my parents
were so against it?
463
00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,406
Yeah. Well,
you were their
baby girl.
464
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:39,618
I'm trying to...
Yes, yes.
465
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,369
My parents'
overprotectiveness
466
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:43,331
forced us to sneak around
behind their backs.
467
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:46,093
And because
we didn't have
the proper guidance,
468
00:18:46,085 --> 00:18:47,875
we ended up
with Junior.
469
00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,917
I thought it was
'cause we didn't
have a condom.
470
00:18:49,919 --> 00:18:51,879
I'm not kidding.
Jay, what are
you saying?
471
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,341
I can't be
a concerned father?
472
00:18:53,343 --> 00:18:56,763
No. I'm saying
you're gonna have
to accept the reality
473
00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:59,926
that she really,
really likes this boy,
474
00:18:59,929 --> 00:19:04,019
and there's nothing
you can say or do
to change that.
475
00:19:04,023 --> 00:19:05,773
I mean,
keeping them
apart, Michael,
476
00:19:05,765 --> 00:19:08,565
is gonna
make him even more
attractive to her.
477
00:19:08,568 --> 00:19:12,528
I don't know what she finds
so attractive about
this kid anyway.
478
00:19:12,532 --> 00:19:15,492
He's tall and skinny,
got a bald head
and pointy ears.
479
00:19:15,485 --> 00:19:17,695
I mean,
what does she find
so cute about him?
480
00:19:19,779 --> 00:19:21,329
I have no idea.
481
00:19:22,952 --> 00:19:27,712
But, baby, don't you
think it'd be easier
if we just accept it?
482
00:19:27,707 --> 00:19:30,287
No, it'd be easier
just to bury him
underneath the house.
483
00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:32,920
Okay, listen.
484
00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,722
I need for you
to become friends
with this boy
485
00:19:35,715 --> 00:19:38,795
so that we can
guide him and
keep an eye on him.
486
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,470
Hmm. You mean like
in The Godfather.
487
00:19:42,472 --> 00:19:44,602
Keep your friends close
and your enemies closer?
488
00:19:44,604 --> 00:19:46,774
Yes.
And if he messes up,
489
00:19:46,766 --> 00:19:48,566
(IMITATING DON CORLEONE)
he'll sleep with the fishes.
490
00:19:49,809 --> 00:19:51,979
He'll sleep
with the hamster.
491
00:19:53,813 --> 00:19:55,153
Thank you.
492
00:19:56,616 --> 00:19:58,156
Come on, Buddy.
493
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:01,159
What's the matter, baby?
494
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,160
Buddy won't
play with me.
495
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,004
Um, come here.
496
00:20:06,996 --> 00:20:08,826
I need to
talk to you.
497
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:13,961
Remember in
the movie
The Lion King
498
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,643
when Simba's dad
passed away?
499
00:20:16,636 --> 00:20:19,296
Well, Buddy
here is like
Simba's dad.
500
00:20:20,049 --> 00:20:21,179
He, uh...
501
00:20:21,180 --> 00:20:23,800
He's gone to
that big wheel
in the sky.
502
00:20:27,016 --> 00:20:28,806
So you mean
he's dead?
503
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,019
Yes.
504
00:20:31,020 --> 00:20:33,650
Yuck! You let me play
with a dead hamster?
505
00:20:33,653 --> 00:20:35,533
What's wrong with you?
506
00:20:36,526 --> 00:20:38,026
Well, it was cute.
507
00:20:38,027 --> 00:20:40,027
That's not cute.
I'm cute.
508
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:43,700
Yes, you are.
Come here.
509
00:20:43,703 --> 00:20:45,463
Daddy's gonna buy
you a new hamster.
510
00:20:45,455 --> 00:20:47,205
And he's gonna let
you replace this one.
511
00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:49,666
And then nobody's
gonna know
the difference.
512
00:20:49,669 --> 00:20:51,539
I think this
happened before.
513
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,671
Why do you say that?
514
00:20:52,672 --> 00:20:55,212
Because last week,
Buddy was a rabbit.
515
00:20:57,717 --> 00:21:00,047
Daddy, how did
Buddy really die?
516
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:02,180
The truth?
517
00:21:03,553 --> 00:21:05,443
Truth is
Claire did it.
518
00:21:13,943 --> 00:21:15,403
I see him.
He's doing it
again, Jay.
519
00:21:15,395 --> 00:21:17,395
He's looking
over in here.
520
00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:18,607
I'll eat a box
of prunes
521
00:21:18,608 --> 00:21:21,198
and give you
a real show, huh?
522
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,900
That crazy Michael Kyle
is watching me every time
I go to the bathroom.
523
00:21:24,904 --> 00:21:26,044
He's a psycho!
524
00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:27,535
JANIS: You're
the psycho, Larry.
525
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:30,077
Yeah, they're all crazy
over there, Janis.
526
00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:32,409
Did you see their kid
dragging around
that dead rat?
527
00:21:32,412 --> 00:21:34,082
Oh, I'm going to
sleep, Larry.
528
00:21:34,083 --> 00:21:35,633
Look at him.
He's waving at me.
529
00:21:35,625 --> 00:21:37,875
Close your window,
you whack job!
35703
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