Original subtitles

(dog barks)

? (birds chirping) ?

Yes, there's a good light. And, um,

and this is the living room. The drapes are optional.

Oh, I don't like those drapes.

I know, nobody does, but it's low budget.

- What is? - Well, this whole thing.

And, the windows, you can see in and out.

Ah, you said there was a basement suite?

Yes, but that's occupied by this crazy old lady who just

wanders around getting herself into trouble.

- Oh? - She ordered snakes online...

No?

And then sent them to her parole officer.

- No. - Crazy.

And, she posed as a real estate agent and

tried to sell this house.

- You're kidding? - I know.

- That's nuts. - Just nutty.

Well, the buyers must have known.

- I don't know. - People are so stupid.

- Tell me about it. - What's going on?

Why is there a "For Sale" sign on our lawn?

Okay, so, just ignore them because they like to

pretend that they own this house.

- Oh-ho, we do. - See?

Let me show you the dining room.

It's quite nice. There's a table and chairs.

Mom... Mom!

- Come on! - (door slams)

? (classical) ?

(sigh)

Oh, mom, do you want some tea?

Ah... no, that's okay.

I'm trying to cut down on that stuff.

Tea?

Yeah, well, it's all about bladder control at this stage.

Rover's packing up the rest of your stuff.

I can pack my own things.

We asked you to a week ago.

You're registered and everything and they're

holding a place for you at the senior's place, mom.

- I'm going to Florida. - No, you're not.

- I got people there. - No, you don't.

- They haven't been cast yet. - And they never will be.

?

Let me ask you something, Molly.

Are you, um...

you know, happy with your life?

- Happy? - I didn't think so.

You know, I should really do something with your hair.

I could, like, fix it in no time.

- I've been, thanks. - You paid for that?

(inhale) You can't get to me, mom,

because I know what you're about.

You just try to upset people so that they'll react and

acknowledge your existence because you think that

getting old means slowly...

fading... away.

- You know who's fading away? - Who?

?

Okay, so, ah... I'll take the spare room?

It's being renovated. Is that a word?

Alright, then I guess I'll just have to sleep with you then.

- Where will my cat go? - What cat?

I had a cat. (stammers)

Didn't I have a cat?

Who knows.

Maybe in another season, I don't know.

- Was there another season? - Who knows with these people.

It certainly never made it to air.

I thought they booked you into a nice home somewhere.

You know who lives in that nice home?

- Who? - Old people.

Fucking old people.

Yeah.

I'm going to Florida.

- Me too. - Let's go.

?

(exhale)

You're not supposed to smoke in here.

- This is Florida. - Fucking Florida, baby.

- Everybody smokes in Florida. - I'll have a bellini.

Oh, make that two. Hold the peaches.

We don't serve drinks here.

You call this a nail salon? (scoffs)

I'm gonna have this red here.

Oh, let me see. No, no, no, do the brown.

- It matches your eyes. - I still have brown eyes?

You still have brown eyes, Rosie.

(laughs)

(sighs) This is the life, eh?

- Yeah, this is the life... - Hm.

What's left of it.

- What's left of it. - Yeah.

(sighs)

You can't move in with me.

Yeah, I know.

- I have my plants. - I know.

Your roaches and that painting on the wall that

looks like scrambled eggs. Maybe it is scrambled eggs.

I got my own show, sweetie.

Well, I hope it's not as low budget as this one.

Oh, it's low budget, baby. (chuckles)

- What's it about? - Oh, all kinds 'a shit.

Am I in it?

Lady... you're my co-star.

- Hey, Lady? - What?

- Other foot. - You got it.

Please.

I can't have her as a patient anymore.

What? Why? What, why, why is that?

You're asking me? She's your mother.

I just thought she was an old family friend.

Yes, she is.

But, I deserted my family and ran off with my cat...

not in the way that sounds, but...

we have a complicated relationship.

I don't want to get into it right now.

I'm sorry. You and my mother?

Me and my cat.

Your cat.

I mean, (laughs) why, right? Why is she my mother?

I mean, couldn't I just have a...

normal, slightly loopy old mother with a

bit of a drinking problem that isn't really a drinking problem

so much as a supply problem?

She tried to sell our house.

We don't use the word "loopy" around here, okay.

But, if anyone's loopy, it's your mother.

By the way, do you know what episode this is?

(whispers) Episode...? Um...?

No, don't look at the camera. Look at me.

Okay.

I'm not sure I'm...

It doesn't matter, doesn't matter.

?

?

? HEY LADY! ?

?

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