Original subtitles

(dog barks)

So, the... the western hognose snake,

does that come in any other colours or

just the brown spots?

I like the California kingsnake.

(whispers) Yeah.

Um, oh... yes.

Are they poisonous 'cause he likes poisonous?

So convenient to order by phone.

I know-- Oh, and how many snakes is that in total?

- Is there ever enough? - Yes, it's his birthday.

And, you know, it's been a very tough year.

It's not that easy being a parole officer.

You should see how many creeps he has to shadow.

- You need to order some food. - Oh, yes, right.

Um... So, do you handle feed rodents,

or is that another company? Yes, live would be best.

- (chuckles) - Alright, great.

Um, okay, so the address is, it's,

care of the Correctional Service Department.

A Mr. Carmen Jourdain.

(laughs)

I didn't even know that was legal.

How would you know what's legal? You're a lawyer.

- Selling reptiles online? - Home delivery included. Tea?

You sent your parole officer three snakes, mom.

Well, they weren't just any snakes.

- No, $400 snakes. - It's his birthday.

- Is it? - Well, it's some time.

And how did you get my credit card?

Have some lemonade, Lassie.

One of the conditions of your parole is not to

hang out with convicted felons.

- Rosie's a convicted felon? - Oh, who isn't?

Now, is there vodka in that because I'm not allowed

to have vodka before noon. It does something to my system.

You're not allowed to have vodka on parole at all, mom.

Don't you "mom" me.

I'm your mother-in-law; that's bad enough.

You just say mean things because you are old and alone.

Speaking of mothers and law, the law does not require you

to be our mother, nor does it require us to be your children.

Would you like me to show you the incision

where they cut you out of me?

- They didn't cut me out. - Were you there?

- Yes, I was there. Were you? - Where's my son?

He's the only one who understands me.

He's...somewhere.

- (distant) Is she gone yet? - She lives here now, honey.

Not for long, you ungrateful bastard.

That's right: not for long.

If you have plans for me, I would like to hear them.

Oh, I have plans.

On second thought, this conversation is over.

I'll say when it's ov--

- She hates me. - You hate her.

Oh, but just the way any other mother does,

you know, it's like having a mole under your arm.

You try to forget about it because you can't be

bothered to have it removed.

She hates me with an unqualified passion.

You shouldn't have ordered those snakes.

Not on her credit card.

I did it for the best of intentions.

(sighs) You need to make it up to her.

And they said I'm not supposed to see you anymore.

- No? - You're a bad influence.

I'm the only influence you got.

I know.

?

So...?

Yeah, I don't need to talk to you right now.

I gotta be somewhere.

Wait, this show you're in, this... ah...

I actually hate this place, but I wanted to

treat you to a little lunch.

I'm the one who's paying.

Always with the details, that's my daughter.

(laughs) Daughter.

Hm.

Oh... put that on my tab, would you?

And you treat yourself to a big old tip.

- I'll have another double. - Mm, me too.

You're not supposed to be drinking.

- Says who? - The parole board.

Fine then, just bring me two singles.

What's his problem?

I believe you poured soup on his head.

That was the manager and that was back in episode three.

So, what episode is this, then?

Six. This is where I'm supposed to make up to you.

And... I've brought you this. A little peace offering.

Look, I know you're insane, and it's probably some form

of senile dementia or Alzheimer's or something,

and I really don't care.

I just want to get through my life without you ruining it.

- Is that too much to ask? - Yes.

I tried my damnedest to get you a jail term,

but that judge doesn't like me.

That judge doesn't like anybody.

He should be working for an airline.

So, I've booked you into a nice home for seniors...

where they can look after you.

I won't go.

You have no money, so unless you want to live on the street,

you'll live there, until you die.

Or someone does.

We'll see what happens in the next episode.

(snake rattle & hiss)

?

?

? HEY LADY! ?

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