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So, we'll do the opening ceremony
2
00:00:02,126 --> 00:00:03,984
at the front gate when the parade ends.
3
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That way, after they cut the ribbon,
4
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- it will be a hu...
- Mom, you ironed my shirt
5
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:10,829
in a way I can only describe
as "indifferently sloppy."
6
00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:12,419
I look like a socialist.
7
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Oliver, I'm a little busy
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00:00:13,830 --> 00:00:15,919
planning the Westport
Founder's Day Fair.
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00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:18,789
You can survive one day
with a less-than-perfect crease.
10
00:00:18,790 --> 00:00:20,208
You don't understand.
11
00:00:20,257 --> 00:00:21,916
I'm with Brie Witherspoon now.
12
00:00:21,917 --> 00:00:23,586
She's a cardboard box heiress.
13
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I need to look my best at all times!
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Or, to put it in cardboard box terms,
15
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corners sharp, flaps in, sides tight.
16
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Please shut up.
17
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Sorry. As I was saying...
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Hold on one second!
19
00:00:35,377 --> 00:00:37,207
Luthor! You're killing me!
20
00:00:38,837 --> 00:00:42,377
Anna-Kat, it's supposed to
be cool today, so no sandals.
21
00:00:43,757 --> 00:00:45,506
I like going toe-commando.
22
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I'm not letting you
go to school like that.
23
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Put on some socks.
24
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:51,466
Okay, sorry. Last interruption.
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Mom, can you get me and the Joshes
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00:00:53,047 --> 00:00:54,256
free tickets to the fair?
27
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Nope. I lied.
28
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I'll call you back.
29
00:00:57,087 --> 00:00:58,466
The Joshes?
30
00:00:58,467 --> 00:01:00,916
The three boys named Josh
who are constantly in trouble?
31
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I don't want you hanging out with them.
32
00:01:02,707 --> 00:01:03,916
Well, that's unfair.
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00:01:03,917 --> 00:01:05,796
Sure, Josh has gotten into some trouble.
34
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Maybe Josh has, too.
35
00:01:07,007 --> 00:01:08,086
But Josh hasn't.
36
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The best way not to do something stupid
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00:01:10,007 --> 00:01:12,506
is to not do something stupid.
38
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:15,086
Greg, a little help here.
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I'm sorry. It's my fault.
Won't do it again.
40
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Greg!
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00:01:18,587 --> 00:01:19,666
Ah.
42
00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:21,336
I'm a little preoccupied.
43
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My re-enactment group not only
promoted me to Captain...
44
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Holding for applause.
Getting none. Moving on.
45
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...but also, I've been chosen
to recite the immortal words
46
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of Westport founder Daniel Nash
to open the Fair.
47
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Hmm.
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"Though we are weary, we are not worn.
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We are bloodied, but not broken.
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Don't fire unless fired upon,
51
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but if they mean to have a war,
let it begin in Westport."
52
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That was terrible.
53
00:01:47,177 --> 00:01:49,297
You're a captain now.
Get it together, Otto!
54
00:01:50,387 --> 00:01:53,961
So, basically, I'm on my own
for all of this... as usual.
55
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Taking care of the kids,
taking care of the house,
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00:01:58,177 --> 00:02:01,426
and not a thank-you in sight.
57
00:02:01,427 --> 00:02:03,506
I deserve a thank-you.
58
00:02:04,837 --> 00:02:06,926
I deserve gratitude!
59
00:02:08,507 --> 00:02:11,386
I deserve applause!
60
00:02:14,297 --> 00:02:17,256
Yeah. That's right. It's a musical.
61
00:02:17,257 --> 00:02:19,386
Deal with it.
62
00:02:19,387 --> 00:02:23,006
♪ Everyone's the star
of their own little show ♪
63
00:02:23,007 --> 00:02:24,176
Juice is warm.
64
00:02:24,177 --> 00:02:27,917
♪ They all get their moment to shine ♪
65
00:02:27,956 --> 00:02:30,336
Who bought lime shampoo?
66
00:02:30,337 --> 00:02:34,506
♪ Everybody basks
in the spotlight's hot glow ♪
67
00:02:34,507 --> 00:02:35,796
I think this has mad cow.
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♪ They get tons of moments ♪
69
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♪ Where's mine? ♪
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♪ Mothers cook, and they clean ♪
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00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:45,506
♪ Run the carpool routine ♪
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♪ We work our butts off ♪
73
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♪ And do we get paid? ♪
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♪ Plus, we keep our husbands happy ♪
75
00:02:56,717 --> 00:02:59,886
Yeah. I mean that kind of happy.
76
00:02:59,887 --> 00:03:03,886
♪ So when is this town
gonna celebrate me? ♪
77
00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:07,426
♪ With marching and singing
like something from "Glee"? ♪
78
00:03:07,427 --> 00:03:09,386
♪ I want floats, I want bands ♪
79
00:03:09,387 --> 00:03:11,006
♪ I want streets lined with stands ♪
80
00:03:11,007 --> 00:03:12,926
♪ I want drum majorettes ♪
81
00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:14,626
♪ I want lots of jazz hands! ♪
82
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:16,426
♪ I want cheers and confetti ♪
83
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♪ As all kinds of fusses are made ♪
84
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♪ Tell me, where is my ♪
85
00:03:24,967 --> 00:03:30,386
♪ Paraaaaaaaaaaade? ♪
86
00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:36,058
♪ Paraaaaaaaaaaade? ♪
87
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:39,777
Mom's in a mood.
88
00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:42,774
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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I just wanted to soak in the history
90
00:03:46,967 --> 00:03:49,676
to connect with Daniel Nash
so I can do his words justice.
91
00:03:49,677 --> 00:03:53,126
Look, I understand
your passion for Nash.
92
00:03:53,127 --> 00:03:55,676
You know, sometimes, I'll just
come here on the weekends
93
00:03:55,677 --> 00:03:56,796
when I don't have
94
00:03:56,797 --> 00:03:59,546
my court-mandated
anger management classes.
95
00:03:59,547 --> 00:04:01,256
There she is!
96
00:04:01,257 --> 00:04:03,926
The actual flag Nash carried into battle
97
00:04:03,927 --> 00:04:05,466
during the forming of Westport.
98
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:08,296
You can still see the blood on it.
99
00:04:08,297 --> 00:04:10,626
The powder burns when he was shot.
100
00:04:10,627 --> 00:04:12,676
And the imprints from the horseshoes
101
00:04:12,677 --> 00:04:15,006
when he was trampled
under the Cavalry charge.
102
00:04:15,007 --> 00:04:17,256
But still he held...
103
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,126
proud... and strong.
104
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,836
Oh, it's working.
105
00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:23,836
Hey, I know it's a lot to ask,
106
00:04:23,837 --> 00:04:27,176
but do you think there's any way
that I could hold the flag
107
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while I'm delivering Nash's words?
108
00:04:28,927 --> 00:04:31,216
This is a priceless artifact.
109
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I-I-It's never even left the glass case.
110
00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:35,546
Of course. What was I thinking? Stupid!
111
00:04:35,547 --> 00:04:36,716
It's never left the case
112
00:04:36,717 --> 00:04:39,002
because nobody's
ever had the guts to ask.
113
00:04:39,027 --> 00:04:40,886
- What's happening?
- I want you to take this home,
114
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and I want you to soak in its history!
115
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Take it home for realsies?
116
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Yes, Captain Otto.
117
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For realsies.
118
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I am overwhelmed.
119
00:04:50,677 --> 00:04:53,506
I barely have the Founder's Day
Fair under control,
120
00:04:53,507 --> 00:04:55,506
plus keeping up with the kids
and the house
121
00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,176
and Greg being no help.
122
00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:59,586
Sometimes it is too much.
123
00:04:59,587 --> 00:05:02,506
Ugh! I can totally relate.
It's the same at my place.
124
00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,546
Really? You get overwhelmed?
125
00:05:04,547 --> 00:05:05,796
Oh.
126
00:05:05,797 --> 00:05:07,506
I'm sorry. I wasn't talking about me.
127
00:05:07,507 --> 00:05:09,176
I was talking about my nannies.
128
00:05:09,177 --> 00:05:11,386
Those poor women
dealing with raising the kids,
129
00:05:11,387 --> 00:05:12,466
taking care of the house...
130
00:05:12,467 --> 00:05:13,716
it is a struggle.
131
00:05:13,717 --> 00:05:16,296
See? This is the problem with Westport.
132
00:05:16,297 --> 00:05:18,796
Moms don't actually do anything
on their own.
133
00:05:18,797 --> 00:05:20,626
They have drivers, shoppers...
134
00:05:20,627 --> 00:05:22,336
And that is why Westport...
135
00:05:22,337 --> 00:05:24,006
...is the best place in the world.
136
00:05:24,007 --> 00:05:25,926
- Oh, yeah. It is pretty great.
- Yeah.
137
00:05:25,927 --> 00:05:27,676
Sure, but not for me.
138
00:05:27,677 --> 00:05:29,626
Well, that's because
you're doing it wrong!
139
00:05:29,627 --> 00:05:31,796
Tell her, Angela.
140
00:05:31,797 --> 00:05:33,886
♪ Look at life in Westport ♪
141
00:05:33,887 --> 00:05:35,676
♪ Tell me whatcha see ♪
142
00:05:35,677 --> 00:05:37,836
♪ Every lawn is green,
every house, obscene ♪
143
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,466
♪ Every face is wrinkle-free ♪
144
00:05:39,467 --> 00:05:40,676
Eh...
145
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- ♪ Don't it all sound perfect? ♪
- No.
146
00:05:42,677 --> 00:05:44,586
- ♪ Yeah, it does, don't lie ♪
- Yeah.
147
00:05:44,587 --> 00:05:46,006
♪ You can't fight it or hide it ♪
148
00:05:46,007 --> 00:05:47,466
♪ So, hey, why try? ♪
149
00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:48,756
♪ Why try? ♪
150
00:05:48,757 --> 00:05:50,546
♪ Just pop a couple Xanax ♪
151
00:05:50,547 --> 00:05:51,427
Two.
152
00:05:51,428 --> 00:05:53,086
♪ Let your worries fade ♪
153
00:05:53,087 --> 00:05:55,086
♪ When life gives you lululemons ♪
154
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♪ Have some lululemonade ♪
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♪ Just kick back and relax ♪
156
00:06:00,297 --> 00:06:02,386
♪ That's the Westport way ♪
157
00:06:02,387 --> 00:06:04,756
♪ Have the help bring you snacks ♪
158
00:06:04,757 --> 00:06:07,006
♪ On a Westport tray ♪
159
00:06:07,007 --> 00:06:08,426
- ♪ Hit the gym ♪
- ♪ Get a tan ♪
160
00:06:08,427 --> 00:06:09,534
♪ Do a tennis pro ♪
161
00:06:09,559 --> 00:06:13,176
♪ The world is your oyster
once you go full Westport ♪
162
00:06:13,177 --> 00:06:15,126
♪ You gotta go full Westport ♪
163
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♪ Go full Westport ♪
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00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,386
You're right.
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00:06:18,387 --> 00:06:20,296
If no one appreciates
anything that I do...
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- "If"?
- ...then I'll do things that I appreciate.
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Welcome to the neighborhood!
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00:06:23,927 --> 00:06:25,086
Finally.
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00:06:25,087 --> 00:06:27,512
- ♪ Sleepin' in on weekdays ♪
- ♪ Always ♪
170
00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:29,386
- ♪ Ditchin' work, as well ♪
- ♪ Oh, well ♪
171
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♪ The whole carpool schedule ♪
172
00:06:30,797 --> 00:06:31,797
♪ Can go to ♪
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00:06:31,798 --> 00:06:33,506
♪ Wherever carpools go ♪
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00:06:33,507 --> 00:06:35,836
- ♪ Your kids take you for granted ♪
- Yep!
175
00:06:35,837 --> 00:06:37,886
- ♪ Let's face it, no one cares ♪
- No!
176
00:06:37,887 --> 00:06:39,796
♪ And that's why God made nannies ♪
177
00:06:39,797 --> 00:06:41,019
- ♪ Butlers ♪
- ♪ Tutors ♪
178
00:06:41,044 --> 00:06:43,836
- ♪ And au pairs ♪
- ♪ Go do lunch and then chill ♪
179
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:46,006
♪ That's the Westport style ♪
180
00:06:46,007 --> 00:06:48,216
♪ When you sign for the bill ♪
181
00:06:48,217 --> 00:06:50,676
♪ Smile a Westport smile ♪
182
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,142
- ♪ Hit the spa ♪
- ♪ And Pilates ♪
183
00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:53,336
♪ And the nail salon ♪
184
00:06:53,337 --> 00:06:56,506
♪ You'll stop feeling guilty
once you've gone full Westport ♪
185
00:06:56,507 --> 00:06:58,836
♪ So why not go full Westport? ♪
186
00:06:58,837 --> 00:07:00,836
♪ Go full Westport ♪
187
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,046
♪ Is the best port ♪
188
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,216
♪ It's the juice-organically-
pressed-port ♪
189
00:07:04,217 --> 00:07:06,336
♪ Westport, it's the best port ♪
190
00:07:06,337 --> 00:07:08,216
♪ It's the look-amazing-undressed-port ♪
191
00:07:08,217 --> 00:07:10,546
♪ It's the latest-handbag-obsessed-port ♪
192
00:07:10,547 --> 00:07:12,926
♪ It's the everyone-
genetically-blessed-port ♪
193
00:07:12,927 --> 00:07:15,296
♪ It's a hot-yoga, paleo,
never-ending fashion show ♪
194
00:07:15,297 --> 00:07:16,966
♪ Why-would-anybody-be-stressed-port? ♪
195
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,796
♪ Give up and give in ♪
196
00:07:18,797 --> 00:07:21,006
♪ To the Westport life ♪
197
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:23,176
♪ Self-indulge, take the win ♪
198
00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:25,796
- ♪ Like a Westport wife ♪
- ♪ Ohhhhh ♪
199
00:07:25,797 --> 00:07:28,046
♪ Why waste another minute
being discontent? ♪
200
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:30,006
♪ You'll look back
and wonder why you never went ♪
201
00:07:30,007 --> 00:07:31,676
- ♪ Full Westport ♪
- ♪ Westport ♪
202
00:07:31,677 --> 00:07:33,926
- ♪ It's time to go full Westport ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
203
00:07:33,927 --> 00:07:35,796
♪ Go full Westport ♪
204
00:07:35,797 --> 00:07:37,176
- So?
- That's it.
205
00:07:37,177 --> 00:07:38,256
I'm gonna do it.
206
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:40,046
♪ Go full Westport ♪
207
00:07:40,047 --> 00:07:42,386
And by "do it," I mean "do nothing"!
208
00:07:42,387 --> 00:07:44,126
♪ Go full Westport ♪
209
00:07:44,127 --> 00:07:45,836
♪ Westport, Westport, Westport ♪
210
00:07:45,837 --> 00:07:47,586
♪ It's time to go full Westport ♪
211
00:07:47,587 --> 00:07:49,217
- It's the best port.
- It's the best port.
212
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:51,676
Gather up.
213
00:07:51,677 --> 00:07:54,506
I do everything around here,
with no appreciation.
214
00:07:54,507 --> 00:07:56,796
So from now on, we are going to have
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00:07:56,797 --> 00:08:00,336
nannies, housekeepers,
and drivers take care of it all.
216
00:08:00,337 --> 00:08:02,217
- Really?
- Yeah.
217
00:08:02,218 --> 00:08:03,336
Nanny.
218
00:08:03,337 --> 00:08:04,506
Housekeeper.
219
00:08:04,507 --> 00:08:05,676
Driver.
220
00:08:05,677 --> 00:08:07,176
As of now, you're all on your own.
221
00:08:08,178 --> 00:08:09,506
You're right, Luthor.
222
00:08:09,507 --> 00:08:11,216
It's gonna be a disaster.
223
00:08:11,217 --> 00:08:12,336
I think he's just hungry.
224
00:08:12,337 --> 00:08:14,006
He said it was gonna be a disaster!
225
00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:24,811
Hey, guys.
226
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,006
Wow!
227
00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:27,176
Look at your clothes.
228
00:08:27,177 --> 00:08:29,176
They're all crumpled up
like the $100 bills
229
00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:31,126
I find between the seat cushions
in my couch.
230
00:08:31,127 --> 00:08:33,336
Our mom has gone completely AWOL.
231
00:08:33,337 --> 00:08:34,716
What's her deal?
232
00:08:34,717 --> 00:08:36,626
If you want appreciation,
don't be a mom.
233
00:08:36,627 --> 00:08:37,926
Let's just say "thank you"
234
00:08:37,927 --> 00:08:39,676
and go back to her doing stuff for us.
235
00:08:39,677 --> 00:08:41,626
I... suppose you could,
236
00:08:41,627 --> 00:08:44,046
but as a kid who almost
never sees his parents
237
00:08:44,047 --> 00:08:45,836
'cause they're always traveling,
238
00:08:45,837 --> 00:08:48,586
there are benefits
to life without parents.
239
00:08:48,587 --> 00:08:51,506
Can you communicate those
in an interesting way?
240
00:08:51,507 --> 00:08:54,006
♪ Imagine no one in your face ♪
241
00:08:54,007 --> 00:08:55,466
That is interesting.
242
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:58,216
♪ Nobody all up in your biz ♪
243
00:08:58,217 --> 00:08:59,336
Huh.
244
00:08:59,337 --> 00:09:02,796
♪ No one decidin' how you walk or eat ♪
245
00:09:02,797 --> 00:09:06,086
♪ Just think how sweet it is ♪
246
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:07,546
Keep talking.
247
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,756
♪ Nobody steppin' on your game ♪
248
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,466
I'm liking this.
249
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:14,176
♪ No one decidin' who you see ♪
250
00:09:14,177 --> 00:09:15,506
I'm really liking this.
251
00:09:15,507 --> 00:09:18,626
♪ No one to criticize
your point of view ♪
252
00:09:18,627 --> 00:09:22,007
♪ Or tell ya who to be ♪
253
00:09:22,967 --> 00:09:24,546
♪ Your life is not your own ♪
254
00:09:24,547 --> 00:09:26,796
♪ But once they leave you alone ♪
255
00:09:26,797 --> 00:09:28,086
♪ You can do you ♪
256
00:09:28,087 --> 00:09:30,836
♪ Stay out all night
and get some tattoos ♪
257
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,086
♪ You can do you ♪
258
00:09:32,087 --> 00:09:34,966
♪ Go on and break those family taboos ♪
259
00:09:34,967 --> 00:09:39,336
♪ Life can be nice
when you got nothin' to lose ♪
260
00:09:39,337 --> 00:09:43,086
♪ And once you're free to go
and be whatever you choose ♪
261
00:09:43,087 --> 00:09:44,296
♪ You can do you ♪
262
00:09:46,007 --> 00:09:47,296
Let me get this straight.
263
00:09:47,297 --> 00:09:48,966
If we can just get rid of our parents...
264
00:09:48,967 --> 00:09:51,296
The sky's the limit.
265
00:09:51,297 --> 00:09:53,801
♪ Imagine wearing what I want ♪
266
00:09:53,826 --> 00:09:55,886
♪ You can wear anything you want ♪
267
00:09:55,887 --> 00:09:57,626
♪ Nobody screenin' every call ♪
268
00:09:57,627 --> 00:10:00,006
♪ No one to screen every call ♪
269
00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:02,887
♪ No one complaining
that if I don't stop ♪
270
00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:07,076
- ♪ Nobody ♪
- ♪ I'll drive her up the wall ♪
271
00:10:07,078 --> 00:10:08,086
♪ You can do you ♪
272
00:10:08,087 --> 00:10:11,145
♪ You can dress exactly like
a hedge fund C.E.O. ♪
273
00:10:11,170 --> 00:10:12,110
♪ You can do you ♪
274
00:10:12,135 --> 00:10:15,346
♪ You can blow off school to
hang with every Josh you know ♪
275
00:10:15,371 --> 00:10:16,274
♪ You can do you ♪
276
00:10:16,299 --> 00:10:19,478
♪ You can cruise the hallways
with your toenails out on show ♪
277
00:10:19,509 --> 00:10:20,546
♪ You can do you ♪
278
00:10:20,547 --> 00:10:23,716
♪ And your mother never has to know ♪
279
00:10:23,717 --> 00:10:27,234
♪ Won't it be nice when no one's
blockin' your flow ♪
280
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:28,170
♪ Blockin' your flow ♪
281
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:30,176
♪ And once you're through
with you-know-who ♪
282
00:10:30,177 --> 00:10:32,256
♪ Once we're through with you-know-who ♪
283
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,336
♪ Once you're through
with you-know-who ♪
284
00:10:34,337 --> 00:10:36,006
♪ We'll be good to go ♪
285
00:10:36,007 --> 00:10:37,176
♪ You can do you ♪
286
00:10:39,127 --> 00:10:41,256
I propose we make a pact.
287
00:10:41,257 --> 00:10:43,948
We'll cook, clean, do laundry,
and pick up after ourselves.
288
00:10:43,973 --> 00:10:45,086
♪ You can do you ♪
289
00:10:45,087 --> 00:10:47,536
The longer we keep Mom
out of our business, the better.
290
00:10:48,507 --> 00:10:52,337
♪ Wait and see what you can be
when you can do you ♪
291
00:10:59,587 --> 00:11:03,046
Virginia ham and baked potatoes.
292
00:11:03,047 --> 00:11:04,676
You made this?
293
00:11:04,677 --> 00:11:06,336
Pretty amazing what a kid can do
294
00:11:06,337 --> 00:11:08,836
when her toes aren't
being smothered by socks.
295
00:11:14,427 --> 00:11:16,676
My perfectly pressed shirts.
296
00:11:16,677 --> 00:11:18,546
Turns out, in Cooper's basement,
297
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:21,337
next to the bowling alley
is a little dry cleaner.
298
00:11:23,217 --> 00:11:24,852
Oliver programmed my phone
299
00:11:24,877 --> 00:11:26,634
to do everything you would do for me.
300
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,506
I just got a notification
to study for a history quiz.
301
00:11:30,507 --> 00:11:32,507
Not gonna do it, but it's nice
to have the option.
302
00:11:34,677 --> 00:11:36,546
Can you believe how far they'll go
303
00:11:36,547 --> 00:11:38,926
just to keep from showing me
any appreciation?
304
00:11:38,927 --> 00:11:40,336
But just think,
this is what you wanted...
305
00:11:40,337 --> 00:11:41,506
to live like a Westport housewife
306
00:11:41,507 --> 00:11:42,926
with a full staff of help.
307
00:11:42,927 --> 00:11:43,966
And you kind of are.
308
00:11:43,967 --> 00:11:45,176
I mean, watch this.
309
00:11:49,587 --> 00:11:51,626
Yeah. I guess that's kind of cool.
310
00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,740
Well, I better practice
my Daniel Nash line.
311
00:11:53,765 --> 00:11:55,540
You know, I think the flag
is really helping.
312
00:11:55,565 --> 00:11:56,867
Mm.
313
00:11:57,547 --> 00:11:59,170
Taylor, honey, have you seen my flag?
314
00:11:59,195 --> 00:12:00,336
It was on the side table.
315
00:12:00,337 --> 00:12:02,737
Yeah. It was filthy,
so I threw it in the laundry.
316
00:12:02,762 --> 00:12:04,626
- You what?!
- I know! Can you believe it?
317
00:12:04,627 --> 00:12:06,296
I'm doing laundry now!
318
00:12:06,297 --> 00:12:07,297
- What...
- Here you go.
319
00:12:07,298 --> 00:12:08,506
I even sewed up the holes.
320
00:12:08,507 --> 00:12:09,546
You what?!
321
00:12:09,547 --> 00:12:12,676
Taylor, this was a historical artifact!
322
00:12:12,677 --> 00:12:14,176
It's the first time out of the case!
323
00:12:14,177 --> 00:12:16,176
Did you not see where it was
signed by George Washington?!
324
00:12:16,177 --> 00:12:17,546
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
325
00:12:17,547 --> 00:12:18,836
It said "Washington"?
326
00:12:18,837 --> 00:12:21,626
I thought it said
"Wash a ton," so I did.
327
00:12:21,627 --> 00:12:22,717
Like seven times.
328
00:12:26,087 --> 00:12:28,836
By the day of the
Westport Founder's Day Fair,
329
00:12:28,837 --> 00:12:31,586
I was sure the kids would have
come crawling back to me.
330
00:12:31,587 --> 00:12:34,296
But they seemed to be
doing fine on their own.
331
00:12:34,297 --> 00:12:35,926
Okay, guys, time to go.
332
00:12:35,951 --> 00:12:37,336
I'm driving, so we're taking the car.
333
00:12:37,337 --> 00:12:38,676
And since we're on our own,
334
00:12:38,677 --> 00:12:40,386
I will be with Brie at the fair,
335
00:12:40,387 --> 00:12:42,176
and I don't need you to embarrass me.
336
00:12:42,177 --> 00:12:43,676
I request you keep your distance.
337
00:12:43,677 --> 00:12:46,586
Imagine there's a 20-foot circle
of kung pao tofu around me.
338
00:12:46,587 --> 00:12:49,386
Why would they ruin kung pao with tofu?!
339
00:12:49,387 --> 00:12:50,627
Exactly.
340
00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:53,926
Oops. I almost forgot.
341
00:12:53,927 --> 00:12:55,126
My socks.
342
00:12:55,127 --> 00:12:56,626
You're already wearing them, honey.
343
00:12:56,627 --> 00:12:58,047
I know.
344
00:13:00,967 --> 00:13:02,087
There. That's better.
345
00:13:03,427 --> 00:13:05,336
Breathe it in, piggies.
346
00:13:06,507 --> 00:13:07,836
Good news.
347
00:13:07,837 --> 00:13:10,296
I figured out how to get
the flag back to how it was
348
00:13:10,297 --> 00:13:11,716
- in time for my speech.
- Hmm.
349
00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:14,046
- I use raw hamburger for the blood...
- Mm-hmm.
350
00:13:14,047 --> 00:13:15,836
...black powder for the burns...
351
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,466
...and a box of old horseshoes
352
00:13:17,467 --> 00:13:18,716
I can dump on it for the stampede.
353
00:13:19,757 --> 00:13:21,337
- I need the counter.
- Okay.
354
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,716
It's all yours.
355
00:13:23,717 --> 00:13:25,836
Okay, Captain Otto.
356
00:13:25,837 --> 00:13:27,126
Let's do this thing.
357
00:13:28,627 --> 00:13:31,256
Aah! Ohh! Ah! Ooh!
358
00:13:41,127 --> 00:13:43,676
Horseshoes, you're supposed to be lucky!
359
00:13:58,177 --> 00:13:59,336
Oh, [bleep]!
360
00:13:59,337 --> 00:14:00,466
Aah! Aah!
361
00:14:00,467 --> 00:14:01,507
Ugh!
362
00:14:04,507 --> 00:14:06,086
Aah!
363
00:14:07,088 --> 00:14:08,336
Aaaaaah!
364
00:14:08,337 --> 00:14:09,337
Gaaaah!
365
00:14:13,297 --> 00:14:15,836
Okay, the parade is officially over.
366
00:14:15,837 --> 00:14:18,046
Time to cut the ribbon
and open the gates.
367
00:14:18,047 --> 00:14:20,626
Anybody need anything from me?
368
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,756
No, we don't need you.
369
00:14:21,757 --> 00:14:22,757
I'm fine here.
370
00:14:22,758 --> 00:14:23,836
Everything's good.
371
00:14:23,837 --> 00:14:25,336
Nothing from me.
372
00:14:25,337 --> 00:14:26,676
You're not needed.
373
00:14:26,677 --> 00:14:28,426
Roger.
374
00:14:28,427 --> 00:14:30,176
Could've done without that.
375
00:14:30,177 --> 00:14:32,296
Excuse me. Excuse me.
376
00:14:33,298 --> 00:14:34,836
Good Lord, Greg, what happened?
377
00:14:36,047 --> 00:14:37,126
Excuse me.
378
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,336
Excuse me.
379
00:14:38,337 --> 00:14:39,836
Captain Otto.
380
00:14:39,837 --> 00:14:41,546
I love the Daniel Nash limp.
381
00:14:41,547 --> 00:14:43,676
- Wh...
- And you smell of burnt hair!
382
00:14:43,677 --> 00:14:45,926
- Wow! I'd like to shake your hand!
- Ow!
383
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:46,966
Whoa.
384
00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,886
Step aside, Vin Diesel.
385
00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:51,797
You are now the greatest actor
I have ever met.
386
00:14:54,297 --> 00:14:55,626
Attention, everyone!
387
00:14:58,507 --> 00:15:02,836
"Though we are weary, we are not worn.
388
00:15:02,837 --> 00:15:06,336
We are bloodied, but not broken."
389
00:15:08,717 --> 00:15:12,006
"Do not fire unless fired upon..."
390
00:15:12,007 --> 00:15:13,676
Mm-hmm.
391
00:15:13,677 --> 00:15:16,296
"...but if they mean to have a war,
392
00:15:16,297 --> 00:15:18,836
let it begin in Westport!"
393
00:15:45,677 --> 00:15:47,386
Okay. It's showtime.
394
00:15:47,387 --> 00:15:49,070
So, what are we doing, Joshes?
395
00:15:49,095 --> 00:15:51,525
I just bought a bunch of gooey, hot,
396
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:52,962
- fried cheese balls.
- Cool!
397
00:15:52,987 --> 00:15:54,836
When the next person comes out
of that Porta Potty...
398
00:15:54,837 --> 00:15:55,837
Bam!
399
00:15:55,838 --> 00:15:57,006
...we fire away.
400
00:15:57,007 --> 00:15:58,176
Classic.
401
00:15:58,177 --> 00:15:59,336
But won't that hurt?
402
00:15:59,337 --> 00:16:00,626
That's what's funny!
403
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,296
Oh! Okay, quick, load up.
People are coming out.
404
00:16:02,297 --> 00:16:03,506
Here.
405
00:16:03,507 --> 00:16:05,176
Don't do this, Taylor.
406
00:16:05,177 --> 00:16:06,784
People could get burned!
407
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,506
Oh, this is gonna be crazy-funny.
408
00:16:10,507 --> 00:16:12,506
The best way not to do something stupid
409
00:16:12,507 --> 00:16:14,751
is to not do something stupid.
410
00:16:14,776 --> 00:16:17,966
Josh, Josh, Josh.
411
00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:19,046
Hold up.
412
00:16:19,047 --> 00:16:20,256
I think this is a bad idea.
413
00:16:20,257 --> 00:16:21,506
What are you talking about?
414
00:16:21,507 --> 00:16:22,836
We're throwing cheese balls, man.
415
00:16:22,837 --> 00:16:24,126
- Yeah.
- Guys, don't!
416
00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:30,836
It's... so good that you stopped us.
417
00:16:30,837 --> 00:16:32,676
We would've been so busted.
418
00:16:32,677 --> 00:16:34,176
Oh, my God. My mom was right.
419
00:16:34,177 --> 00:16:36,506
That's right. I was right.
420
00:16:42,507 --> 00:16:44,086
Wonderful speech, Captain Otto.
421
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,216
W... Thank you!
422
00:16:45,217 --> 00:16:47,006
I think I really
connected people to history.
423
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,006
Maybe next year,
I'll shoot you in the head.
424
00:16:49,007 --> 00:16:50,176
You can be Lincoln.
425
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:51,676
What's wrong with you?
426
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:52,796
Sorry.
427
00:16:52,797 --> 00:16:54,966
I just wanted a little appreciation.
428
00:16:54,967 --> 00:16:57,176
But instead, I started a revolution.
429
00:16:57,177 --> 00:17:00,296
And now they don't need me anymore.
430
00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:02,716
I still need you.
431
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,006
Look what happened when I tried
to handle things myself.
432
00:17:05,007 --> 00:17:07,677
I was stabbed, burned,
and trampled by horseshoes.
433
00:17:13,547 --> 00:17:15,087
Give me a second.
434
00:17:16,177 --> 00:17:18,006
So cold.
435
00:17:18,007 --> 00:17:19,427
Here you go, honey.
436
00:17:20,587 --> 00:17:22,086
Socks! Yes!
437
00:17:22,087 --> 00:17:23,087
Thank you.
438
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:28,506
Oliver.
439
00:17:28,507 --> 00:17:30,216
Mom! Kung pao tofu!
440
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,966
You have got mustard on your shirt.
441
00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:33,967
Oh, no!
442
00:17:33,968 --> 00:17:35,836
Just hold still. Brie's coming.
443
00:17:38,127 --> 00:17:39,837
There you go. Good as new.
444
00:17:41,797 --> 00:17:42,967
Thank you, Mom.
445
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:46,006
Guys, come on! Let's go!
446
00:17:51,257 --> 00:17:52,761
Mom!
447
00:17:53,217 --> 00:17:54,756
You were right.
448
00:17:54,757 --> 00:17:55,796
Thank you.
449
00:17:59,837 --> 00:18:02,256
♪ Two little words ♪
450
00:18:02,257 --> 00:18:05,176
♪ Those two little words ♪
451
00:18:05,177 --> 00:18:10,716
♪ And all my frustrations just fade ♪
452
00:18:10,717 --> 00:18:13,046
♪ It's better than chocolate ♪
453
00:18:13,047 --> 00:18:15,426
♪ Not quite as good as sex ♪
454
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:23,073
♪ But it feels like my personal
Founder's Day parade ♪
455
00:18:25,427 --> 00:18:27,756
♪ It's like ♪
456
00:18:27,757 --> 00:18:32,216
♪ Being at a carnival
and riding every ride ♪
457
00:18:32,217 --> 00:18:36,546
♪ That rush of pure adrenaline
when bumper cars collide ♪
458
00:18:36,547 --> 00:18:40,796
♪ The rapture when you realize
that all the food is fried ♪
459
00:18:40,797 --> 00:18:44,086
♪ All from two little words ♪
460
00:18:44,087 --> 00:18:46,296
♪ It's that roller-coaster feeling ♪
461
00:18:46,297 --> 00:18:48,506
♪ Like you gotta scream out loud ♪
462
00:18:48,507 --> 00:18:52,296
♪ Or burying your face
inside a cotton-candy cloud ♪
463
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,855
♪ Or chowing on a corn dog
that's extremely well-endowed ♪
464
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,626
♪ All from two little words ♪
465
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:03,506
♪ The cooking, the cleaning,
the laundry every day ♪
466
00:19:03,507 --> 00:19:07,336
♪ The whining, the tantrums, the flu ♪
467
00:19:07,337 --> 00:19:11,176
♪ Somehow, it's worth it
the moment that they say ♪
468
00:19:11,177 --> 00:19:14,886
♪ One little "thank,"
then one little "you" ♪
469
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:17,296
♪ It's like ♪
470
00:19:17,297 --> 00:19:21,966
♪ Being in the spotlight
in a glitzy Broadway show ♪
471
00:19:21,967 --> 00:19:26,926
♪ And basking in applause
like a beloved Broadway pro ♪
472
00:19:26,927 --> 00:19:30,676
♪ It's like a standing "O"
crossed with the other kind of ♪
473
00:19:30,677 --> 00:19:32,296
"O"!
474
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:36,756
♪ It's a wow and a hoot and a scream ♪
475
00:19:36,757 --> 00:19:39,626
♪ It's a fantasy crossed with a dream ♪
476
00:19:39,627 --> 00:19:43,386
♪ And I guess it could very well seem ♪
477
00:19:43,387 --> 00:19:47,296
♪ Like a sign of my low self-esteem ♪
478
00:19:47,297 --> 00:19:50,676
♪ But I'm throbbing with thanks ♪
479
00:19:50,677 --> 00:19:53,586
♪ From my head to my SPANX ♪
480
00:19:53,587 --> 00:19:58,989
♪ And it's due to two little ♪
481
00:19:59,014 --> 00:20:00,928
- ♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪
- ♪ Throbbing with thanks ♪
482
00:20:00,952 --> 00:20:03,312
- ♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪
- ♪ From her head to her SPANX ♪
483
00:20:03,352 --> 00:20:07,941
- ♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ahhhh ♪
484
00:20:16,507 --> 00:20:17,797
Let's go home.
485
00:20:19,316 --> 00:20:21,136
That's the game that
I won the unicorn at.
486
00:20:21,161 --> 00:20:22,103
Oh, that one?
487
00:20:22,128 --> 00:20:27,557
♪ And it's due to two little ♪
488
00:20:27,582 --> 00:20:31,570
♪ Wooooooooooooords ♪
489
00:20:32,833 --> 00:20:33,977
Try the mark.
490
00:20:34,002 --> 00:20:35,687
I don't know what I'm doing.
491
00:20:35,712 --> 00:20:38,176
I've never dealt with a pony in my life.
492
00:20:40,797 --> 00:20:42,337
Any notes?
493
00:20:45,007 --> 00:20:46,336
So that means "many."
494
00:20:46,337 --> 00:20:47,676
Line?
495
00:20:47,677 --> 00:20:49,836
No, I'll just look at the paper.
I don't have an assistant.
496
00:20:51,297 --> 00:20:52,506
Hold on.
497
00:20:52,507 --> 00:20:54,796
Why am I acting like... like a...
498
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:55,839
Somebody!
499
00:20:55,864 --> 00:20:57,956
Okay, well, why don't we just, um...
500
00:20:57,981 --> 00:20:59,042
We're rolling.
501
00:20:59,067 --> 00:21:01,006
...give some cigars
to everybody, some booze...
502
00:21:01,007 --> 00:21:02,046
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
503
00:21:02,047 --> 00:21:03,216
...and party on down?
504
00:21:03,217 --> 00:21:04,966
We'll take a little while.
505
00:21:04,967 --> 00:21:07,455
"G" to the gizzay, "H" to the hizzo.
506
00:21:08,677 --> 00:21:10,966
♪ On a Westport tray ♪
507
00:21:10,967 --> 00:21:12,385
♪ It's the... ♪ Whaa!
508
00:21:21,677 --> 00:21:22,717
Cut!
509
00:21:22,834 --> 00:21:27,834
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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