Original subtitles

ALL RIGHT, I GOT SOME LEMONADE HERE FOR YOU.

NOW REMEMBER,

THERE'S COMPANY HERE, SO NO PEEING IN THE BUSHES.

OH, MAN! I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PARTY.

♪♪♪

HEY, HEY.

HEY.

LET ME TELL YOU, MAN, THIS PARTY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

LOOK AT... LOOK AT WILLIE OVER THERE,

EATING BEAN DIP LIKE IT'S HIS JOB.

OKAY, TAKE IT EASY. BREATHE IN THE MEAT SMOKE.

IT ALWAYS CALMS YOU. (inhales)

HEY, JIM. WE ARE OUT OF BEAN DIP.

OH, GOD. I CAN'T STAND THESE PARTIES.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVERY YEAR, SHE HAS THIS BARBECUE,

AND EVERY YEAR, I FORGET HOW MUCH I HATE 'EM

UNTIL I'M HERE DOING THIS DAMN THING.

I MEAN, I CAN'T STAND PEOPLE, AND SHE KNOWS THAT.

SHE KNOWS IT. I MEAN, I LIKE THE IDEA OF PEOPLE,

BUT I JUST DON'T LIKE PEOPLE.

WHY CAN'T SHE JUST HAVE THIS BARBECUE

AND NOT INVITE ME?

IT'S WHAT EVERYONE ELSE DOES.

YEAH.

I GOTTA SIT HERE ALL AFTERNOON AND HAVE THESE POLITE,

PHONY CONVERSATIONS.

AW, COME ON. THEY'RE NOT THAT BAD.

COME ON, THEY'RE HORRIBLE. NO, WHAT ABOUT MIKE CHASEN?

MIKE CHASEN'S GONNA COME OVER HERE

AND TELL ME A FUNNY STORY ABOUT INVESTMENT BANKING.

I LIKE FAY MORGAN.

FAY MORGAN? SHE INVITES US TO DINNER EVERY YEAR...

EVERY YEAR...

AND NEVER FOLLOWS THROUGH WITH IT.

FORGET IT. PHONY PEOPLE.

AND JODY CHEN... HOW ABOUT HER?

"OOH, MY CHILDREN ARE THE SMARTEST CHILDREN EVER."

I CAN'T STAND THIS.

WELL, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE CAN BRAG ABOUT HOW CUTE THEY ARE.

WELL... GOD WENT A LITTLE HEAVY WITH THE UGLY SHAKER.

OH, ANDY.

HMM. IT NEEDS MORE MAYONNAISE. OKAY.

(gasps) CHERYL, YOU JUST PUT DISH SOAP IN THE POTATO SALAD.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SO WORRIED THAT JIM'S GONNA OFFEND SOMEBODY,

I CAN'T FOCUS ON ANYTHING ELSE. OKAY, HERE'S A THOUGHT,

HAVE A NEIGHBORHOOD BARBECUE AND DON'T INVITE HIM.

YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE JIM HAS NO NATURAL POLITENESS FILTER.

SO I'M ALWAYS HAVING TO PULL PEOPLE

OUT OF CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM BEFORE HE UPSETS 'EM.

HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

WELL... (clears throat) TODAY, I HAVE A PLAN.

I'M GONNA RUN IN AND SAY, "I HEARD A FUNNY STORY."

BUT YOU DON'T KNOW ANY FUNNY STORIES.

I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS A GOOD PLAN.

HELLO, JIM.

OH, HELLO, FAY.

SOCIAL EVENT OF THE SEASON, AS USUAL.

MM-HMM.

BOB WAS SO SORRY HE COULDN'T BE HERE.

YEAH, THAT'S TOO BAD. YEAH.

BOB'S YOUR HUSBAND, RIGHT?

(laughs)

HERE'S YOUR HOT DOG AND OFF YOU GO.

(laughs)

YOU KNOW, BOB AND I

ARE SO FOND OF YOU AND CHERYL.

THE FOUR OF US

HAVE JUST GOT TO GET TOGETHER FOR DINNER.

(inhales)

LOOK, FAY, I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING.

EVERY YEAR AT THE BARBECUE, YOU ASK US TO DINNER,

AND EVERY YEAR, YOU NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT.

WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE DINNER TOGETHER. REALLY, IT'S OKAY.

I LIKE THE RELATIONSHIP THE WAY IT IS.

WE SEE EACH OTHER ONCE A YEAR HERE AT THE BARBECUE,

BECAUSE, REALLY, I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU EAT,

YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME EAT, I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANYBODY EAT.

CHERYL. HUH?

JIM IS TALKING TO FAY MORGAN.

WHAT?

NO!

RUN, CHERYL, RUN!

I HEARD A FUNNY STORY!

(squeaks)

(sobs)

AND OFF YOU GO.

WELL, ANOTHER YEAR, ANOTHER RUINED BARBECUE.

WHAT... COME ON, COME ON, FAY'S NOT THAT UPSET.

REALLY?

(crying)

OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY, SHE'S UPSET. SHUT THE DOOR, PLEASE.

SHUT THE DOOR.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO HER?

NOTHING. I JUST TOLD HER THE TRUTH.

THE TRUTH?! YES.

JIM, IT'S A BARBECUE.

IT'S HOT DOG, POTATO SALAD, AND POLITE LIES.

CHERYL, YOU KNOW I'M ALL ABOUT THE TRUTH.

WH... YOU LIE TO ME TWICE A DAY.

BUT YOU ONLY CATCH ME TWICE A DAY,

I'M... I'M IN DOUBLE DIGITS.

COME ON, YOU KNOW FAY.

SHE'S ALWAYS INVITING US OUT TO DINNER.

EVERY YEAR, SHE INVITES US TO DINNER,

AND SHE DOESN'T MEAN IT.

I JUST CALLED HER ON IT, THAT'S ALL.

SO THEY INVITED US OUT TO DINNER.

YOU NOD, SMILE AND MOVE ON.

NO, CHERYL. SHE'S BEING DISRESPECTFUL.

I DON'T SEE WHY I HAVE TO BE A BIG PHONY ABOUT IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PHONY, JUST DON'T BE MEAN.

I WASN'T MEAN. I WAS JUST BEING HONEST.

OKAY, JIM, YOU CAN BE HONEST AND KIND AT THE SAME TIME.

I DON'T THINK SO, CHERYL.

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST WITH PEOPLE.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THEY GET IT.

BUT SOMETIMES, YOU GOTTA SUCK IT UP AND BE POLITE

FOR 20 MINUTES.

IT'S CALLED "TAKING THE HIGH ROAD."

I HATE THE HIGH ROAD. OH.

I LOVE THAT LOW ROAD.

IT'S NOISY DOWN THERE. IT'S HONEST.

PEOPLE ARE BEEPING HORNS, CUSSING AT EACH OTHER.

I LOVE IT DOWN THERE!

IT SMELLS OF CONFRONTATION AND ARGUING.

(inhales)

I CAN SMELL IT RIGHT NOW.

THE TRAFFIC IS STOPPED AND PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING.

I SEE RED LIGHTS, BRAKE LIGHTS,

PEOPLE JUST GIVING EACH OTHER THE FINGER.

OHH!

IT'S BEAUTIFUL DOWN THERE, BABY.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT'S ONLY ONE WAY THERE, MY WAY.

THAT IS GREAT.

THAT'S GREAT, HONEY.

HEY, LET'S CHECK THE TRAFFIC ON THE LOW ROAD.

(sobbing)

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

SHUT THE DOOR. I GET IT. I GET IT. DON'T DO THAT.

(sighs)

I GET IT, CHERYL. I GET IT.

SERIOUSLY, I-I DO. I FEEL BAD.

I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT THE GIRL. I...

OKAY, HONEY, I BELIEVE YOU. NOW FIX IT.

"FIX IT"?

YES. HOW?

WELL, HOW?

HONEY, JUST SHOW SOME COMPASSION.

COMPASSION?

YES, COMPASSION.

YOU KNOW, ON THE LOW ROAD,

THEY GIVE TICKETS OUT FOR COMPASSION.

OH, HONEY.

(mouths words)

(sighs)

(sobs)

CRYING, HUH?

WELL...

NO... (whispers) GO BACK THERE.

HEY, FAY.

(sobs)

FAY, LISTEN...

YOU KNOW, ALL... ALL I WAS TRYING TO SAY

WAS THAT, YOU KNOW,

EVERY YEAR, YOU COME TO THE BARBECUE,

YOU INVITE US TO DINNER,

AND YOU NEVER FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT. B-BUT...

IT'S OKAY THAT YOU DON'T FOLLOW THROUGH WITH IT

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT?

OUR RELATIONSHIP THE WAY IT IS IS FINE.

WE DON'T NEED TO BE FRIENDS. (sobs)

(Cheryl) JIM. JIM. WHAT...

JIM, HONEY, COME HERE. COME HERE.

(sobbing)

OKAY, HONEY,

YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THING THAT MADE HER CRY.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING IT IN A SOFTER VOICE.

I'M BEING COMPASSIONATE. I'M BEING KIND.

NO, NO. YOU'RE BEING QUIET.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?

GO CHARM HER.

"CHARM HER"? YES.

I'M GONNA NEED A BEER FOR THAT.

GO, GO.

COME ON, FAY. OH! OH!

COME ON. DON'T BE MAD AT ME, FAY.

OH! OH!

COME ON. I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS, FAY.

REALLY, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT YOU, REALLY.

YOU KNOW, CHERYL AND I REALLY,

YOU KNOW, WE... WE WANT TO HAVE DINNER

WITH YOU AND BOB.

OH.

YES, NOW...

OFF YOU GO.

HOW'S... HOW'S THIS SATURDAY?

"THIS SATURDAY," WHAT?

THE FOUR OF US, DINNER.

THIS SATURDAY?

WELL, FAY, THAT'S A LITTLE SOON,

DON'T YOU THINK?

I MEAN, DO WE HAVE TO PUT A DATE ON IT, REALLY?

YOU DON'T WANNA HAVE DINNER. I DIDN'T SAY THAT.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT. NO, NO, FAY. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

JIM'S NOT SAYING THAT.

JUST... HE DOESN'T WANT TO PUT YOU OUT. YEAH.

THAT'S WHY WE'LL HAVE DINNER HERE. WHAT?

YES. SATURDAY NIGHT, THE FOUR OF US.

OH, BOB WILL BE THRILLED.

OH!

OH.

UH, CAN I HAVE THAT BEER NOW?

NOW FAY AND BOB

ARE GONNA COME OVER TO DINNER.

AND I KNOW I'M GONNA MAKE FAY CRY. I JUST KNOW IT.

OH. OH, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

I'M THE BEACON OF TRUTH IN A WORLD FULL OF LIES.

HEY, IT'S JUST WHO YOU ARE, JIM.

YOU DON'T DO SMALL TALK. YOU'RE A TRUTH COP.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO SMALL TALK.

HEY, ARE YOU LOSING WEIGHT? OH, A FEW POUNDS.

BINGO. THAT, MY FRIEND, IS SMALL TALK.

THAT WAS TOTALLY INSINCERE.

OH, YEAH. YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP.

CAN YOU TEACH ME SOME OF THOSE LITTLE HOOKS,

THOSE LITTLE PHRASES? SURE, SURE.

YOU JUST NEED A FEW OF 'EM TO STEER CLEAR

OF ANY PROBLEM AREAS. WELL, GIVE ME ONE. GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE.

OKAY, FIRST, WHAT DO YOU NORMALLY SAY

WHEN YOU INTERACT WITH PEOPLE?

UH, NOTHING.

I KINDA WAIT TILL THEY'RE DONE TALKING

SO I CAN TELL 'EM WHAT IDIOTS THEY ARE.

(laughs) YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY, JIM.

WELL, I LIKE TO THINK SO.

BINGO. GOT YOU AGAIN.

YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA WRITE SOME OF THESE DOWN.

YOU THINK I CAN BE READY FOR THE PARTY? OH, SURE.

SMART, GOOD-LOOKIN' GUY LIKE YOU

CAN DO ANYTHING IF HE PUTS HIS MIND TO IT. WELL, THANK YOU, ANDY.

BINGO.

THIS IS GOLD.

YOU KNOW WHAT, ANDY? I AM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. OH, THANK YOU.

BINGO. OH!

AHH!

YO. SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

(whispers) WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

I'M WATCHING MY DREAMS COME TRUE.

(normal voice) JIM'S MOVING OUT?

ANDY IS TEACHING JIM HOW TO BE POLITE.

YOU'RE KIDDING. IS IT WORKING? NO. YES!

LOOK.

(Jim chuckles)

THIS IS A DELIGHTFUL PARTY.

(chuckles) LET'S DO IT AGAIN,

PERHAPS AT MY HOUSE.

YES!

SERIOUSLY, HOW IS ANDY DOING THAT?

DOES HE HAVE A CAR BATTERY HOOKED UP TO JIM'S NADS?

OH, BOB, FAY... HI.

I AM SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

THIS IS FOR YOU. THANK YOU.

LOOK AT THAT HAT HE'S WEARING.

THAT IS RIDICULOUS! AND I'M GONNA TELL HIM.

NO, NO. EASY. NO, NO, NO.

LOOK AT HOW STUPID THAT HAT IS.

NOBODY SHOULD BE WEARING A HAT LIKE THAT.

HE'S GOT TO KNOW THAT.

OKAY, DAMN IT, JIM, THIS IS WHAT WE TRAINED FOR.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, THROW THOSE 45 MINUTES AWAY?

BOB, FAY, I THINK YOU KNOW MY BROTHER ANDY.

AH, YES, I MET FAY AT THE BARBECUE.

WE FOUGHT OVER THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE.

(laughs)

IT WAS DELICIOUS, BY THE WAY.

OH. WELL, UH, DINNER'S GONNA BE READY VERY SOON.

BUT WE HAVE ABOUT A HALF AN HOUR

TO SIT AND CHAT, SO PLEASE SIT DOWN.

MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.

HALF AN HOUR TO CHAT? (chuckles)

COME ON, CHERYL. WHY DID WE BUY THAT MICROWAVE OVEN?

HEY, BOB...

DID YOU LOSE SOME WEIGHT?

ACTUALLY, YEAH.

I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH A BAD CASE OF COLITIS.

WOW. WELL, WHATEVER YOU'RE DOIN', KEEP IT UP.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

BINGO?

KEEP SWINGIN', YOU'LL HIT ONE.

WELL, I AM JUST SO GLAD WE'RE FINALLY DOING THIS.

WE ARE GLAD, TOO. WE JUST LOVE YOU GUYS.

OH, WE LOVE YOU, TOO.

RIGHT, JIM?

UH, YES. I LOVE YOU, FAY.

I LOVE YOU, BOB.

THANKS. IN FACT, FAY AND I WERE JUST SAYING

HOW MUCH WE'D LIKE TO HAVE YOU BOTH UP

TO OUR LAKE HOUSE FOR A WEEKEND. YEAH.

YOUR LAKE HOUSE? WOW. DID YOU HEAR THAT, JIM?

FAY AND BOB WOULD LIKE TO HAVE US TO THEIR LAKE HOUSE.

WHAT A WONDERFUL...

DELIGHTFUL INVITATION.

(Jim) I... WE...

WOULD...

LOVE...

TO JOIN YOU.

YES!

WELL, I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON DINNER.

AND I JUST KNOW WHEN I COME BACK,

WE'LL STILL BE INVITED TO THAT LAKE HOUSE.

WON'T WE, HONEY? (chuckles)

YOU'RE SO FUNNY, CHERYL.

YEAH. YOU KNOW I'M NOT JOKING.

(groans)

YOU'RE A CONTRACTOR, AREN'T YOU, JIM?

YES, BOB, I, UH, I AM A CONTRACTOR.

DO YOU LIKE CONTRACTOR JOKES?

YOU MEAN THE KIND THAT PAINTS GUYS LIKE ME

IN A HORRIBLE LIGHT?

LOVE 'EM!

(Bob chuckles)

AND GOD SAYS, "I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT,

BUT WE DON'T HAVE ANY CONTRACTORS UP HERE."

(Fay and Bob laughing)

GET IT?

THEY'RE UNSCRUPULOUS,

AND THEREFORE, THEY'RE ALL IN HELL. I GET IT.

(Bob, Fay and Andy laugh)

I GET IT.

HEY, JIM, BOB'S A FUNNY GUY.

AND YOU LOVE HIM, DON'T YOU?

I LOVE YOU, BOB.

I LOVE YOU, FAY.

JIM...

JIM, I JUST... I HAVE TO TELL YOU

HOW SORRY I AM FOR CRYING THE OTHER DAY.

WHAT, YOU FEEL BAD? WHY WOULD YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT CRYING?

WELL, LATELY EVERY LITTLE THING MAKES ME CRY.

HER CAT PASSED AWAY, AND IT... IT'S REALLY HIT HER HARD.

YOU MEAN...

IT WASN'T MY FAULT THAT YOU WERE CRYING?

YOU WERE CRYING BECAUSE YOUR CAT DIED?

WELL... YEAH.

THAT'S GREAT! OH!

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, NOT ABOUT YOUR CAT.

THAT'S A TRAGEDY. (Andy) OH, YEAH.

POOR THING...

CUT DOWN IN HER PRIME BY SOME RECKLESS DRIVER.

WE NEVER SAID SHE WAS HIT BY A CAR.

OH.

THEN I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

AND OFF I GO.

DIDN'T CHERYL TELL YOU?

I CAME OVER THE OTHER DAY TO APOLOGIZE.

YOU DID?

YEAH.

I BROUGHT A PIE.

THERE WAS PIE INVOLVED?

CHERYL!

CHERYL.

CHERYL KNEW IT WASN'T MY FAULT,

AND SHE KEPT IT FROM ME,

ALONG WITH THE PIE.

WHAT KIND OF PIE WAS IT?

APPLE.

AMERICA'S PIE?

WELL, I BROUGHT IT OVER TO THANK YOU

FOR BEING HONEST WITH ME.

WHY WOULD YOU THANK ME FOR BEING HONEST?

WELL, YOU WERE RIGHT.

I HAVE THIS PROBLEM WITH MAKING INSINCERE INVITATIONS.

NO, NO, NO, FAY, WE BOTH DO.

YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO'S CARED ENOUGH

TO CALL US ON IT.

YOU'RE LIKE... YOU'RE LIKE A BEACON OF TRUTH.

SO I WAS RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING.

FROM THE BEGINNING, I WAS RIGHT.

(chuckling evilly)

WELL, MY DEAR FRIENDS,

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO FOR A RIDE ON THE LOW ROAD?

(all laughing)

OH, THIS WAS JUST MARVELOUS, CHERYL.

SO TELL US ABOUT THAT LAKE HOUSE.

OH, IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL...

AND SO ROMANTIC.

DO YOU TWO LIKE HOT TUBBING?

WELL...

DO WE!

WELL, WE HAVE ONE THAT'S BIG ENOUGH FOR FOUR.

BARELY.

WE'LL BE DANCING CHEEK TO CHEEK.

UH... WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO DO UP THERE?

IS THERE HIKING OR...

OH, YEAH, YEAH.

THERE'S A LOVELY HIKE UP TO THE LIQUOR STORE.

WE LOAD UP ON WINE, AND THEN BACK TO THE HOT TUB.

WHERE BATHING SUITS ARE OPTIONAL.

HEY, THEY'RE NOT OPTIONAL. THEY'RE FORBIDDEN.

(Fay laughs)

NO BATHING SUITS?

WELL, THAT SAVES TIME AND PACKING.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA.

YEAH, AND WHEN WE HAVE TUBBY TIME,

I CALL THE SEAT NEXT TO YOU.

BOB, YOU'RE A FUNNY GUY.

(Jim laughs)

AND THAT'S NOT EVEN HIS BEST FEATURE.

YOU'LL SEE.

UH, JIM, HONEY... YEAH.

I COULD REALLY USE YOUR HELP WITH THE DESSERT.

OH, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I HOPE YOU LIKE PUDDING. (Cheryl) IT'S FLAN!

HEY... I REALLY LIKE THIS BOB AND FAY.

JIM, THIS LAKE HOUSE THING IS FREAKING ME OUT.

I AM NOT WALKING NUDE

THROUGH THE WOODS TO THE LIQUOR STORE.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY IN THE HOT TUB WITH BOB,

AND I'LL DO THE BEER RUN WITH FAY?

OKAY, YOU WATCH ENOUGH CABLE TV

TO KNOW THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SWINGERS.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.

YES. SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

SERVE 'EM DESSERT, I GUESS.

WHAT?

WELL, IT WOULD BE RUDE NOT TO AT THIS POINT.

I-I WANT YOU TO THROW THEM OUT.

WHAT, THROW THEM OUT?

CHERYL, COME ON, THAT'S NOT KIND.

WHO SAID YOU NEED TO BE KIND?

YOU SAID YOU GOT TO BE KIND.

YOU TOLD ME THAT I SHOULD BE ABLE TO SUCK IT UP

FOR 20 MINUTES AND BE POLITE AT ANY PARTY.

WELL, THIS IS A PARTY AND I'M BEING POLITE.

THAT'S RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT. I DID SAY THAT.

I GUESS I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT DOESN'T COUNT

IF THEY'RE TRYING TO GET IN OUR PANTS!

CHERYL, I AM NOT GONNA MAKE FAY CRY AGAIN.

OH, HONEY, YEAH, MAKE FAY CRY.

NO, CHERYL. MAKE FAY CRY.

CHERYL... GO MAKE FAY CRY. MAKE HER CRY.

CHERYL, STOP IT. STOP IT. MAKE HER CRY.

TAKE THE HIGH ROAD, DAMN IT.

SO, UH...

HAVE YOU TWO LOST WEIGHT?

JIM!

THESE FREAKS ARE NAKED IN OUR LIVING ROOM,

WHERE OUR CHILDREN WATCH CARTOONS.

(whispers) CHERYL, THEY CAN HEAR YOU.

YES, JIM, THEY CAN HEAR ME. I WANT THEM TO HEAR ME.

AND I WANT THEM TO GET OUT! CHERYL...

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID LAKE HOUSE.

WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID HOT TUB.

GET YOUR FOUNDATION GARMENTS AND YOUR MAN BOOBS

AND GET OUT!

GO! GO! GO!

LET'S DO THIS AGAIN SOMETIME.

"LET'S DO THIS AGAIN"?

YES.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

WELL, I DON'T WANT FAY TO GET UPSET.

SHE'S BEEN REALLY BOTHERED SINCE HER CAT DIED.

OH, HER CAT DIED A WEEK AGO.

I KNOW, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YET

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL ME.

THOSE DISHES ARE NOT GONNA WASH THEMSELVES.

FREEZE, BLONDIE.

YOU SET ME UP!

NO, NO, YOU SET ME UP!

HOW LONG WERE YOU GONNA LET ME HANG OUT THERE TO DRY?

AS LONG AS IT TAKES, JIM.

JIM, I WANT TO HAVE BARBECUES.

I WANT TO HAVE CHRISTMAS PARTIES.

I WANT PROGRESSIVE DINNERS!

I WANT APPLE PIE!

I WANT MY PANTS!

HEY...

WERE YOU GUYS IN ON THIS?

(Fay) YES. GOTCHA!

I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT "MAN BOOBS" THING, BOB.

OH, NO, NO. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

A FEW PUSH-UPS WOULDN'T KILL ME.

HEY, BOB, CAN YOU HOLD ON A SECOND?

BECAUSE MY WIFE HERE IS TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO ME

WHY SHE LIED TO ME.

BECAUSE I WANTED POLITE JIM.

I LOVE POLITE JIM.

I CAN TAKE POLITE JIM TO PARTIES.

CHERYL, BUT YOU WANTED HONEST JIM

TO THROW THESE PEOPLE OUT OF OUR HOUSE TONIGHT.

WELL, I DON'T SEE WHY I DON'T GET TO PICK

WHICH JIM I WANT.

PICK WHICH JIM YOU WANT? YES.

HONEY, I'M NOT A SWEATER.

CHERYL, YOU JUST HAVE TO ACCEPT THE FACT

THAT I'M AN HONEST GUY.

AND I MAY RUB PEOPLE THE WRONG WAY ONCE IN AWHILE.

AND FOR THE RECORD, YOU KNOW WHAT?

BOB AND FAY WERE ACTUALLY...

THEY WERE HAPPY THAT I WAS TRUTHFUL WITH THEM.

RIGHT, BOB, FAY? OH, COME ON.

(Fay) YES. HE SAID EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR.

HE CHANGED OUR LIVES.

I CHANGED THEIR LIVES.

HMM?

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I SURRENDER, I SURRENDER.

YOU CAN CHOOSE OUR FRIENDS FROM NOW ON.

ALL RIGHT.

HEY, GUYS, THAT WAS GREAT.

OH, WHAT GREAT SPORTS YOU ARE. THAT WAS LOTS OF FUN.

BUT THE TRUTH IS, CHERYL, WE'RE NOT SWINGERS.

BUT WE ARE NUDISTS.

AND OFF YOU GO.