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1
00:00:00,434 --> 00:00:02,270
COME ON, GORDON.
2
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:05,373
YOUR BROTHER'S
ALREADY UPSTAIRS ASLEEP.
3
00:00:05,406 --> 00:00:08,776
AND WHEN I CATCH
YOUR MOTHER AWAKE,
4
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:13,281
I GOT A SHOT AT UNWRAPPING
AN EARLY CHRISTMAS GIFT.
5
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:17,218
(whispering)
SHH. CLOSE YOUR EYES.
6
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,555
THAT'S MY BOY.
7
00:00:21,589 --> 00:00:25,193
OH, VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
8
00:00:25,226 --> 00:00:29,097
(bells jingling)
9
00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:30,531
(normal voice) OH, NO.
10
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:33,801
♪ DECK THE HALLS
WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY ♪
11
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,736
♪ FA LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA ♪ SHH! SHH! SHH!
12
00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:38,772
♪ 'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY
(Gordon crying)
13
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:41,775
WHAT IN GOD'S NAME
IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
14
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,478
IT TOOK ME AN HOUR
TO GET THIS KID ASLEEP.
15
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:47,248
OH, SORRY. WE DIDN'T KNOW.
16
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:48,849
SORRY?!
17
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:52,753
SORRY'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
18
00:00:52,786 --> 00:01:00,761
(all)
♪ SLEEP IN HEAVENLY PEACE
19
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,097
♪ OOH
20
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:05,799
THAT'S ENOUGH.
21
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,335
HE'S OUT.
22
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:10,738
OKAY,
WHO KNOWS ANY BARRY WHITE?
23
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:12,740
ALL RIGHT.
24
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:17,411
YOU, ME,
UPSTAIRS WITH THE WIFE.
25
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:20,448
♪♪♪
26
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:31,525
WELL, THERE'S
MY BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN.
27
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,162
WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT OUR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS.
28
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:37,665
OH. GO TALK TO YOUR REAL DAD.
HE LIVES IN MICHIGAN.
29
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:40,301
WE'RE NOT FALLING
FOR THAT AGAIN.
30
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,303
WE SPENT SIX HOURS ON THE BUS,
31
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,705
AND THAT GUY MADE US GO
RIGHT BACK HOME.
32
00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:47,275
AND HE WAS CHINESE.
33
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:51,279
ALL RIGHT. LET ME SEE
WHAT YOU GOT HERE.
34
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:54,282
OH, JEEZ, KIDS.
35
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,549
I DON'T KNOW.
36
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,652
UH, YOU KNOW, CHRISTMAS IS GONNA
BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT THIS YEAR.
37
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:00,254
JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE,
38
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:02,690
UH, SANTA'S SUFFERING
FROM THE RECESSION,
39
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,359
AND I HEARD HE HAD TO SELL
40
00:02:05,393 --> 00:02:07,361
HIS VACATION HOME
DOWN IN THE SOUTH POLE.
41
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:09,697
UH, I THINK
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGHER
42
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:11,699
TO MAKE SANTA'S "NICE" LIST.
43
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:15,403
I MEAN, PROBABLY ONLY
TWO OF YOU WILL MAKE IT.
44
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,271
WHO WANTS IT MORE?
45
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,440
I'M GONNA GO VACUUM.
I'LL SHOVEL THE WALK.
46
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,443
I'M GONNA CALL GRANDMA
AND ASK HER ABOUT HER NEW HIP.
47
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,613
AND RUBY TAKES EARLY LEAD.
48
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:27,215
WHAT GOT INTO THEM?
49
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,317
THE SPIRIT OF CHRISTMAS.
50
00:02:29,350 --> 00:02:32,353
THIS SUCKS.
51
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,687
YOU'RE IN A MOOD.
WHAT'S WRONG?
52
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:35,523
OH, ANDY.
53
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,492
MY KIDS ARE GONNA HAVE
A CRAPPY CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR.
54
00:02:38,526 --> 00:02:40,628
I MEAN, BETWEEN THE ECONOMY
AND THESE TWINS...
55
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,663
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS LIST.
56
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,565
OH. (laughs)
57
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:48,202
DAMN. MAN, ALL I EVER GOT
AS A KID WAS SUGAR-FREE CANDY
58
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:53,307
AND A BOOK
ON ISOMETRIC EXERCISES.
59
00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:56,310
REAL SUBTLE, SANTA.
60
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,312
(imitates Santa Claus)
HO HO HO HO!
61
00:02:58,346 --> 00:03:00,914
I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T GET
ANY OF THESE THINGS.
62
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:02,916
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S IT.
I'M GOING JEWISH.
63
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,918
AH, THAT... THAT WON'T WORK,
JIM.
64
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,588
HANUKKAH MEANS
EIGHT NIGHTS OF GIFTS.
65
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,457
YEAH, BUT NOT GOOD GIFTS.
66
00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:11,459
THEY GET, LIKE,
TOOTSIE ROLLS AND BREAD.
67
00:03:11,492 --> 00:03:14,495
NO. ALL YOU NEED IS SOME
EXTRA MONEY, RIGHT? YEAH.
68
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:15,896
A RELIABLE REVENUE STREAM.
69
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,232
YOU KNOW WHAT'S RELIABLE?
GAMBLING.
70
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,401
YOU'RE RIGHT, ABSOLUTELY.
71
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,403
LET'S SEE
WHO'S RUNNING AT THE TRACK.
72
00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,637
ALL RIGHT.
73
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:27,608
I HAD A HOT TIP
ON A PYGMY NIGHT FIGHTER, BUT...
74
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:31,879
I GUESS WE COULD PLAY IT SAFE
AND GO TO THE TRACK.
75
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,314
HEY, LOOK AT THIS.
76
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:35,683
THEY'RE SHOOTING A
NEW MOVIE IN TOWN. WH...
77
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,018
AND THEY NEED TWIN BABY BOYS.
78
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,321
WHAT MOVIE?
79
00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,989
"PRESIDENT BABY 2."
80
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:45,893
(gasps) SHUT UP.
81
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,696
THAT WAS MY FAVORITE MOVIE
LAST YEAR.
82
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,932
OH! I SPLIT A GUT
WHEN PRESIDENT BABY
83
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:54,001
TOLD THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
84
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:56,937
THAT HE MADE A BOOM BOOM
IN THE WAR ROOM.
85
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,472
(laughs)
86
00:03:58,506 --> 00:03:59,873
IS THAT THE ONE
87
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,842
WHERE PRESIDENT BABY
WAS FIGHTING TERRORISTS
88
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,578
AND HAD TO LAND "AIR FORCE ONE"
BY HIMSELF?
89
00:04:04,612 --> 00:04:08,916
YEAH, BUT IN THIS ONE, THEY CALLED
IT "AIR FORCE ONESIE." (opens can)
90
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:12,586
YOU KNOW, I DON'T REMEMBER
YOU TAKING THE KIDS TO THAT.
91
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,522
YEAH. YEAH.
I-I-I TOOK THE KIDS.
92
00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:17,358
THAT'S...
THAT'S HOW I SAW IT.
93
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,360
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
94
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,662
THESE HOLLYWOOD TYPES...
THEY PAY BIG MONEY.
95
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,063
I HEAR BEN STILLER
96
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,666
USES BOTTLED WATER
TO FLUSH HIS TOILET.
97
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,067
RIGHT THERE, JIM.
98
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,070
IF WE CAN GET JONATHAN
AND GORDON IN ON THIS DEAL,
99
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:32,340
YOUR HANUKKAH PROBLEMS
ARE OVER.
100
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:34,041
ANDY, FORGET HANUKKAH.
101
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:35,609
WITH THIS HOLLYWOOD MONEY,
102
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:38,512
WE'RE STICKING
WITH BABY JESUS.
103
00:04:44,352 --> 00:04:45,586
HEY, CHERYL.
104
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,855
YOU CAN STOP YOUR PANICKING.
105
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,058
FANTASTIC. REMIND ME
WHAT I WAS PANICKING ABOUT.
106
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,494
ABOUT HOW WE'RE GONNA PAY
FOR CHRISTMAS.
107
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:56,530
COME ON. YOU WERE UP ALL
NIGHT CRYING ABOUT IT. NO, I WASN'T.
108
00:04:56,564 --> 00:04:58,098
YEAH, YOU WERE.
109
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,968
2:00 IN THE MORNING,
I HEARD, "WAH, WAH, WAH."
110
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,636
THAT WAS THE BABIES.
111
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:06,507
THE BABIES ARE UP
AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING?
112
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,509
WELL, TELL THEM NOT TO PANIC,
113
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:11,445
BECAUSE ALL OUR MONEY TROUBLES
ARE OVER,
114
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,813
THANKS TO HOLLYWOOD.
115
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,815
JIM,
YOU CANNOT SUE HOLLYWOOD
116
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:17,485
BECAUSE "LOST"
GIVES YOU A HEADACHE.
117
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,453
WELL, TELL ME, WHERE ARE THEY?
118
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:22,556
ARE THEY ON THE ISLAND
OR ARE THEY IN THE BIG CITY?
119
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,558
"HEY. RUN WITH ME
THROUGH THE JUNGLE,
120
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:27,461
BUT I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY." NO.
TELL ME FIRST, THEN WE'LL RUN.
121
00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:30,564
OKAY, WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS
HAVE TO DO WITH CHRISTMAS?
122
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:33,434
WELL, HAVE YOU HEARD THEY'RE
SHOOTING "PRESIDENT BABY 2"
123
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:35,803
RIGHT HERE IN TOWN?
YEAH.
124
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,838
WHAT?
WHY WOULD THEY SHOOT
125
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:41,074
ANOTHER MOVIE ABOUT A BABY
PRESIDENT? BECAUSE IT'S HOLLYWOOD,
126
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:44,087
AND THEY THINK EVERYONE IN AMERICA IS STUPID. AND
THERE ARE LOOSE ENDS TO TIE UP FROM THE FIRST ONE.
127
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:45,546
BULGARIA HAS NUKES,
128
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:48,015
AND THE PRESIDENT
IS CUTTING A TOOTH.
129
00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,450
IT'S A POWDER KEG.
130
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,452
ALL RIGHT,
NOW I AM PANICKING.
131
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,987
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?
132
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,423
WELL, JONATHAN AND GORDON
133
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,426
HAVE BEEN CAST
AS THE NEW SECRETARY OF DEFENSE.
134
00:05:58,459 --> 00:06:01,094
NO, NO, NO, NO. YOU ARE NOT
SIGNING UP OUR BABIES
135
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,096
TO BE
IN SOME RIDICULOUS MOVIE.
136
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,466
WELL, IT'S NOT RIDICULOUS.
IT'S A REAL HOLLYWOOD MOVIE.
137
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:06,867
STEVE GUTTENBERG'S IN IT.
138
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,869
I MEAN,
THE REAL STEVE GUTTENBERG,
139
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,138
NOT THE LOOK-ALIKE
WE SAW AT THE FAIR.
140
00:06:11,171 --> 00:06:14,141
JIM, THEY ARE 6 MONTHS OLD.
I DON'T WANT THEM TO WORK.
141
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:17,044
WHAT? IT'S NOT WORK.
IT'S ACTING.
142
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:21,549
AND THE MONEY THEY EARN
CAN MAKE FOR A NICE CHRISTMAS.
143
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:25,118
YES. AND TELL ME THIS...
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ABLE
144
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:28,121
TO FLUSH YOUR TOILETS WITH
BOTTLED WATER? (mouths word)
145
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,157
LOOK AT THESE KIDS, CHERYL.
THEY'RE STARS.
146
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:32,159
MM-HMM. YOU GUYS HAD
HEADSHOTS MADE UP?
147
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,127
WELL, WE HAD TO MAKE 'EM
LOOK PROFESSIONAL.
148
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:37,097
OH, SORRY. I GOT A CORNER
OF YOUR BOOB IN GORDON'S SHOT.
149
00:06:37,130 --> 00:06:38,031
THAT'S JONATHAN.
150
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,434
JONATHAN?
HOW CAN YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE?
151
00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:42,436
THEY LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME.
152
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:45,172
NO, ALMOST EXACTLY. JONATHAN HAS
THIS COWLICK ON TOP OF HIS HEAD.
153
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:48,175
OH. COWLICK... CAN WE GET
EXTRA MONEY FOR THAT?
154
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,219
OF COURSE YOU CAN. THAT'S WHY
YOU HAVE ME AS YOUR AGENT.
155
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:53,781
I DIDN'T AGREE THAT YOU WOULD BE THE
AGENT. NOW WE HAD A VERBAL AGREEMENT.
156
00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:56,460
NO, NO. I WANT MY LAWYER TO LOOK
AT THIS. I CAN BE YOUR LAWYER, TOO.
157
00:06:56,484 --> 00:07:00,053
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, YOU ARE
NOT OUR AGENT OR OUR LAWYER,
158
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,055
BECAUSE THE KIDS
AREN'T GONNA WORK.
159
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,492
THEY CAN'T SPEAK FOR THEMSELVES,
BUT I CAN.
160
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,126
NO, NO AND NO!
161
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:10,197
(growls)
162
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,965
POSTPARTUM STILL.
163
00:07:11,999 --> 00:07:13,000
(exhales deeply)
164
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,002
YOU KNOW WHAT, ANDY?
SHE IS WRONG.
165
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,104
SHE IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG.
166
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:21,074
I KNOW IF THESE KIDS COULD TALK,
THEY WOULD BEG ME TO DO THIS.
167
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:25,178
(high-pitched voice)
WE WANT TO DO IT, DADDY.
168
00:07:25,212 --> 00:07:28,549
(normal voice, lisping)
YEAH, DADDY. SAVE CHRISTMAS.
169
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:32,152
SAVE CHRISTMAS FOR EVERYONE.
170
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:34,855
GORDON,
I'D LOVE TO SAVE CHRISTMAS,
171
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:38,058
BUT TELL ME... HOW AM I GONNA
GET YOU GUYS OUT OF THE HOUSE
172
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,793
WITHOUT YOUR MOTHER KNOWING?
173
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,029
HMM.
174
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:48,836
I THINK JONATHAN HAS A PLAN.
175
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,071
(high-pitched voice)
WHEN I WIN MY ACADEMY AWARD,
176
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:54,875
I'M GONNA THANK DADDY
AND NOT MOMMY.
177
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,177
FUNNY. IT LOOKS LIKE
HER BOOB IS TALKING.
178
00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,914
WIGGLE. WIGGLE. WIGGLE.
179
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:05,052
OKAY,
SO LET'S REVIEW THE PLAN.
180
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,054
I TELL MOMMY I'M SICK.
RIGHT.
181
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,289
YES, AND YOUR DAD I
TOOK THE TWINS OUT
182
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,625
SO THEY DON'T GET
RED-SPOTTED FEVER.
183
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:15,195
SO IF I DO THIS, I GET
EVERYTHING ON MY CHRISTMAS LIST?
184
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,198
WELL, I CAN'T
MAKE ANY PROMISES,
185
00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,167
BUT I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
186
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,670
SANTA DOES LIKE
A KID WHO PLAYS BALL.
187
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:27,040
(Andy sighs)
188
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:29,009
OH, YEAH.
189
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:33,080
BEING ON A SET REALLY TAKES ME
BACK TO MY ACTING DAYS.
190
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,882
YOU DID ONE COMMERCIAL.
191
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,283
YOU WERE 10.
192
00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,886
IT NEVER LEAVES YOU...
193
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:42,155
THE SMELL OF THE SOUNDSTAGE,
THE HUM OF THE LIGHTS,
194
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,291
THE SWEATY CREW GUY
GLARING AT ME
195
00:08:44,324 --> 00:08:46,560
FOR EATING
THE LAST DOUGHNUT.
196
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:50,998
SORRY, "SHORTS IN DECEMBER,"
I'M WITH THE TALENT.
197
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:52,933
(man) OKAY, WE'RE ROLLING.
198
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,168
OH. THAT MEANS
THEY'RE STARTING.
199
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,237
GUYS, PLEASE, SETTLE.
200
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,306
(lowers voice)
THAT MEANS "QUIET."
201
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,975
I'M TALKING TO YOU.
202
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:05,145
THAT MEANS
HE'S TALKING TO ME.
203
00:09:05,178 --> 00:09:07,615
AND ACTION!
204
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,851
BUT, PRESIDENT BABY,
RESPECTFULLY,
205
00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:12,252
I JUST DON'T KNOW
206
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,088
IF THE AMERICAN PUBLIC
IS GOING TO GO FOR IT.
207
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,925
I MEAN,
MANDATORY NAP TIME IS...
208
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,961
WELL, PERHAPS
THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
209
00:09:20,994 --> 00:09:23,631
HAS AN OPINION
ON THE MATTER.
210
00:09:23,664 --> 00:09:27,234
PERHAPS THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE
HAS AN OPINION ON THE MATTER.
211
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:31,004
HELLO? HEY. HEY, YOU. I'M
TALKING TO YOU. I'M TALKING TO...
212
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,140
LOOK. SEE, THIS IS
WHAT'S GOING ON, ROB.
213
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:35,142
THIS IS WHAT... I NEED THEM
TO LOOK AT ME, OKAY?
214
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,111
I NEED EYES TO ACT, OKAY?
I MEAN, WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?
215
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:42,182
I MEAN, THIS IS, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
I GOT A GUY, MR. DISTRACTION,
216
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:45,185
AND I GOT REAGAN SLEEPING HERE.
I MEAN, WHAT IS THIS, VANCOUVER?
217
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:49,156
OKAY? I DID THIS FILM AS A FAVOR.
JEEZ. CUT. SWITCH THE BABIES, PLEASE.
218
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:53,360
WOW. DID YOU SEE THAT? HE JUST
THREW A FIT AND STORMED OFF.
219
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,363
BOY, I WISH I COULD
ACT LIKE THAT IN MY LIFE.
220
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,832
YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME.
221
00:09:58,866 --> 00:10:02,002
I DO NOT, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M TIRED OF YOUR CRAP.
222
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:04,137
IF YOU DON'T KNOCK IT OFF,
YOU'RE WALKING HOME.
223
00:10:04,171 --> 00:10:07,040
I'M OUTTA HERE.
224
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:08,275
WHERE ARE THE CASHEWS, HUH?
225
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:12,012
THERE'S FOUR KINDS OF BERRIES
HERE. WHERE ARE MY CASHEWS?
226
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,214
HERE. HERE.
THEY'RE RIGHT HERE.
227
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:17,284
OH. THANKS, PAL.
YOU GET ME.
228
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:20,353
OH, I APPRECIATE THAT, STEVE.
THANKS.
229
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:23,967
NO, YOU CAN CALL ME "THE GUTE." WELL, I'M MUCH
MORE COMFORTABLE, YOU KNOW, CALLING YOU "STEVE."
230
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:27,127
NO. I WANT YOU
TO CALL ME "THE GUTE."
231
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:31,131
UH, JIM, SINCE WE HAVE
THE GUTE HERE...
232
00:10:31,164 --> 00:10:34,334
HEY, YOU GET ME.
THANKS, PAL.
233
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,303
CASHEW?
OH.
234
00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:37,871
YEAH.
235
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:39,306
WELL, UH,
236
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:43,043
THE GUTE, UM, YOU KNOW, UH,
ANDY AND I WROTE THIS SCRIPT
237
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,045
THAT WE THOUGHT
YOU'D REALLY LIKE.
238
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,047
IT'S A MOVIE IDEA.
239
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:50,150
OH, LET ME GUESS. "COCOON 3."
THIS TIME I PLAY THE OLD GUY.
240
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:54,121
DAMN IT!
241
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:58,358
WE JUST WASTED 45 MINUTES
OF OUR LIVES WRITING THAT.
242
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:03,096
(Rob) OH. HANG ON A SECOND.
THIS SHOT'S NOT GONNA MATCH.
243
00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:06,333
THAT BABY HAS A COWLICK.
I NEED SOMEONE TO CUT IT OFF.
244
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,978
COME ON. HAIR, MAKEUP. COME ON,
PEOPLE. OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
245
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,972
EXCUSE ME, SIR. UH, YOU CAN'T
DO THAT. YOU CAN'T CUT 'EM OFF.
246
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,984
THAT'S THE ONLY WAY WE TELL THE TWINS APART.
WE DON'T WANT TO TELL 'EM APART, OKAY?
247
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,945
WE HIRED TWINS SO THE AUDIENCE
THINKS IT'S ONE PERSON.
248
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:21,915
I KNOW, BUT IN MY HOUSE, MY WIFE
THINKS THEY'RE TWO PERSONS.
249
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:24,151
SO I THINK
THIS IS GONNA BE A PROBLEM.
250
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,087
WELL, IN MY HOUSE, MY WIFE
IS LIVING WITH MY AGENT,
251
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,056
AND I'M STUCK IN A MOTEL,
OKAY?
252
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,058
SO I GUESS WE ALL
HAVE OUR PROBLEMS.
253
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,293
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
THESE TWINS ARE FIRED.
254
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:36,764
LET'S BRING IN THE BACKUPS. COME ON.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WAIT ONE SECOND.
255
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,766
UH, YOU DON'T NEED
TO FIRE 'EM.
256
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,200
I, UH...
257
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,170
HERE. JUST GIVE ME THE SCISSORS.
LET ME DO IT. GIVE HIM THE SCISSORS.
258
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,349
J-J-J-JIM, WAIT. WAIT. ARE YOU SURE ABOUT
THIS? OH, COME ON. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
259
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,308
WE'LL JUST KEEP OUR EYE
ON 'EM.
260
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:51,779
WE'LL BE ABLE TO TELL 'EM APART.
IT'S NO BIG DEAL. (Rob) AND ACTION!
261
00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,982
("Hail to the Chief" playing)
BUT MR. SECRETARY, I... (sniffs)
262
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,885
WHOA! POOP IN PANTS.
263
00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,853
SWITCH BABIES.
264
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,793
WHOA. WHOA. HO. OH.
265
00:12:05,826 --> 00:12:07,895
HE JUST SPIT UP
ON THE TREATY WITH MEXICO.
266
00:12:07,928 --> 00:12:09,930
SWITCH BABIES.
267
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,167
POOP IN THE PANTS.
268
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:16,904
SWITCH BABIES.
269
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:21,775
(Rob) ACTION!
270
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:23,911
BUT, SIR, I, UH...
HEY.
271
00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:27,047
I'M TALKING TO YOU.
YEAH, YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE...
272
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,281
NO, NO, NO.
273
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:30,283
I'M NOT WORKING LIKE THIS.
274
00:12:30,317 --> 00:12:33,086
OKAY? YOU GOT ME? I'M DONE.
275
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:38,158
OH, YOU DID SUCH A FINE JOB,
GORDON.
276
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,260
ACTUALLY,
I THINK THAT'S JONATHAN.
277
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,896
REALLY? ARE YOU SURE?
278
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:44,898
(crying)
WELL, NO, I'M NOT SURE.
279
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:48,168
I THOUGHT YOU WERE WATCHING
THEM. DON'T TAKE THAT TONE WITH ME, JIM.
280
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:50,871
YOU'RE UPSETTING GORDON...
JONATHAN.
281
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,873
WELL, WHAT KIND OF TONE
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TAKE?
282
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,241
HEY, GUYS?
283
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,876
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
284
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:58,979
I THINK GAY COUPLES ADOPTING
IS FANTASTIC.
285
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,986
IS THAT YOU, JONATHAN?
GORDON?
286
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:07,320
JONATHAN.
287
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,489
YOU CAN'T TELL
THESE TWINS APART.
288
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,059
CRAP. WH... WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU
GONNA TELL CHERYL?
289
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,494
I'M GONNA TELL CHERYL
NOTHIN'.
290
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:19,132
HERE. HERE.
HERE. HERE. HERE.
291
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,501
LOOK AT THIS.
292
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:23,203
YOU KNOW WHAT?
293
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:26,273
THIS FUR IS THE SAME COLOR
AS THE BABY'S HAIR.
294
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:29,943
YEAH.
295
00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,144
(chuckles)
296
00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:32,946
THAT'LL WORK.
297
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,182
NOW IF I CAN JUST
FIGURE OUT A WAY
298
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,951
TO GET THIS TO STICK
TO JONATHAN'S HEAD.
299
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,219
HMM.
300
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:47,360
THERE WE GO.
301
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,962
OH!
302
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:50,430
THERE YOU GO, JONATHAN.
303
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:54,401
IT'S LIKE
A LITTLE BABY TOUPEE.
304
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:58,271
NOW IF WE JUST KEEP THE ANTS
OFF HIS HEAD, HE'LL DO FINE.
305
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:02,910
OH, STICKY BUN, IS THERE
ANYTHING YOU CAN'T DO?
306
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:08,081
OKAY, THE COAST IS...
307
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,117
CROWDED.
308
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,485
THERE YOU ARE! OH, HONEY,
309
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:17,024
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE
TWINS ALL DAY. OH, WELL, OF COURSE, HONEY.
310
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:20,260
HI! I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WE DIDN'T
WANT TO LEAVE 'EM AT HOME
311
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:23,263
AND LET KYLE GET 'EM SICK. YOU
KNOW WHAT? HE'S NOT EVEN SICK.
312
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:25,232
HE DREW SPOTS
ALL OVER HIS FACE
313
00:14:25,265 --> 00:14:27,935
SO HE COULD STAY HOME
FROM SCHOOL.
314
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,470
HE'S A GOOD LITTLE ACTOR.
REALLY? HOW GOOD?
315
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:33,173
SO WHERE'D
YOU GUYS GO TODAY?
316
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,441
HA... HA.
317
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:37,077
AHEM.
UH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
318
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:40,180
I THOUGHT THAT THESE KIDS
COULD USE A LITTLE CULTURE,
319
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:43,083
SO WE TOOK THEM TO
THE ART INSTITUTE. (gasps)
320
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,194
YOU KNOW, THEY HAVE THAT GREAT
IMPRESSIONIST COLLECTION THERE.
321
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,196
I MEAN, THE CéZANNE EXHIBIT...
IT'S THE NEW ONE NOW.
322
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,189
AND THEN WE WENT
OVER TO THE SCULPTURES,
323
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:52,192
SAW, UH, RODIN AND THEN BOTERO.
IT'S KIND OF FUNNY.
324
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:56,663
JONATHAN THOUGHT THAT UNCLE ANDY WAS ONE OF
THE SCULPTURES. OH. WOW. THAT SOUNDS AMAZING.
325
00:14:56,696 --> 00:15:00,467
WELL, IT STIMULATES
THE RIGHT BRAIN, YOU KNOW.
326
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,270
DID MY LITTLE BOYS
LEARN ALL ABOUT ART?
327
00:15:03,303 --> 00:15:05,939
(whispers) HOLY COW.
WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?
328
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:08,976
(lowers voice) UH, ELMO
AND BIG BIRD ON "SESAME STREET."
329
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,978
THEY WENT TO THE MUSEUM.
330
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,446
OH, MOMMY MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
(normal voice) MM-HMM.
331
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:17,650
OH. (makes kissing sounds)
332
00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:21,989
(Andy gasps)
333
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:25,692
JIM, IS THERE SOMETHING
YOU'D LIKE TO TELL ME?
334
00:15:25,725 --> 00:15:28,395
YES, THERE IS, CHERYL.
335
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,699
I THINK THE WAXING LADY
MISSED A SPOT.
336
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:34,301
OH, JIM.
337
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:38,138
THIS IS NOT HAIR,
AND IT'S ALL STICKY.
338
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:42,375
UH, WELL, I...
Y-Y... I-I SEEM TO REMEMBER
339
00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:45,078
THAT AFTER THE MUSEUM,
WE WENT TO THE ZOO.
340
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,346
YES.
341
00:15:46,379 --> 00:15:49,416
AND... AND AN ANTEATER
LICKED HIM... MM-HMM.
342
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:52,419
B-B-BECAUSE HE HAD ANTS
ON HIS HEAD... IT WAS CUTE.
343
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:54,754
B-BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING
DOUGHNUTS... RIGHT.
344
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,389
B-BECAUSE THE DOUGHNUT TRUCK
345
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,625
HAD, UM, FALLEN OFF THE BRIDGE
346
00:15:58,658 --> 00:16:01,228
BECAUSE BRITNEY SPEARS WAS THERE
AND... FINE!
347
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:04,364
WE DIDN'T GO TO THE ZOO
OR THE MUSEUM.
348
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:07,100
WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?
WE HAD HER.
349
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,373
ALL RIGHT. THEY'RE ASLEEP.
350
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,743
NOW I CAN MURDER YOU
WITHOUT ANY WITNESSES.
351
00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:20,047
WHAT THE HELL
IS WRONG WITH YOU?!
352
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:21,181
COME ON, CHERYL.
353
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:23,183
SO WHAT?
WE CAN'T TELL THE KIDS APART.
354
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,484
BIG DEAL.
355
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,020
IT IS A BIG DEAL.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
356
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,789
IF YOU'RE GONNA GET ALL WIFE-Y
ON ME HERE...
357
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,791
LET ME TELL YOU,
I-I'M PLANNING TO FIX IT.
358
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,793
ALL RIGHT, WE PUT
THE TWO BABIES ON THE RUG,
359
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,762
WE SAY, "HERE, GORDON.
HERE, GORDON,"
360
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,797
AND THE ONE THAT COMES
IS GORDON.
361
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,799
OR HEY...
HOW ABOUT HIS IDEA?
362
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,769
HOW ABOUT
WE JUST GIVE 'EM NEW NAMES?
363
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,738
YOU KNOW, I LIKE THAT BETTER.
THAT'S WHY I MARRIED YOU, BABY.
364
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:48,241
YOU KNOW, I LIKE "BILLY"
AND "SCOOTS."
365
00:16:48,275 --> 00:16:51,144
JIM, WE CAN'T TELL
WHICH BABY IS WHICH.
366
00:16:51,178 --> 00:16:53,746
WELL, I THINK THAT'S GOOD.
THAT'S A GOOD THING.
367
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,715
IT'S MORE FAIR THAT WAY.
368
00:16:55,748 --> 00:16:58,085
THAT WAY, WE CAN
LOVE THEM BOTH EQUALLY.
369
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:01,088
WE ALREADY LOVE THEM BOTH
EQUALLY.
370
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,489
DO WE?
371
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,757
COME ON. NOT THIS AGAIN.
372
00:17:04,791 --> 00:17:08,095
ALL I'M SAYING IS,
I DON'T THINK JONATHAN LIKES ME.
373
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:11,298
AND FRANKLY,
I'M NOT A BIG FAN OF HIS.
374
00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,799
IT WASN'T PERSONAL.
375
00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:14,801
WHEN YOU CHANGE
A NEWBORN BOY'S DIAPERS,
376
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,803
SOMETIMES
THEY'RE GONNA PEE ON YOU.
377
00:17:16,836 --> 00:17:20,707
I GET THAT, CHERYL, BUT WHEN
HE DID IT, HE WAS SMILING.
378
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:23,743
JIM. ALL I'M SAYING IS, IT
WAS DOWNHILL SINCE THEN,
379
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,712
AND WE GOT
A FRESH START NOW...
380
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:31,118
A FRESH $1,200 START.
381
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,485
THEY SAVED CHRISTMAS.
382
00:17:32,519 --> 00:17:35,088
CHRISTMAS
DIDN'T NEED TO BE SAVED!
383
00:17:35,122 --> 00:17:37,090
SURE IT DID, CHERYL.
NO!
384
00:17:37,124 --> 00:17:40,360
DIDN'T YOU SEE THAT LIST?
DID YOU SEE THE CHRISTMAS LIST?
385
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:43,363
COME ON. THEY WANT MP3 PLAYERS,
UH, "GUITAR HEROES,"
386
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:46,366
A PERSONAL SUBMARINE.
387
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,702
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S FOR ANDY,
BUT COME ON.
388
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,705
HEY... HONEY, I'M... ALL I'M SAYING
IS, WE NEED THE MONEY FOR THIS.
389
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:56,176
THEY'RE KIDS. THEY DON'T NEED
TO GET EVERYTHING THEY WANT.
390
00:17:56,209 --> 00:17:57,910
OH. OH. THIS COMING
FROM THE WOMAN
391
00:17:57,944 --> 00:18:02,415
WHO WAKES UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT TO FEED 'EM. I FEED THE BABIES, JIM.
392
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,751
WELL, WHY ARE THEY
ALWAYS SO HUNGRY?
393
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,154
WHY DON'T YOU JUST FEED THEM
A DECENT DINNER?
394
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:09,656
AND THEY CAN SLEEP
THROUGH THE NIGHT.
395
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:13,760
CHERYL... CHRISTMAS!
396
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,229
OKAY, IT'S CHRISTMAS.
397
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,231
THESE KIDS LOOK FORWARD
TO IT ALL YEAR.
398
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,667
THIS IS THE HIGHLIGHT
OF THEIR YEAR. WE NEED IT.
399
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,136
NO, JIM. YOU NEED IT.
400
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:24,471
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
401
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,473
(sighs) JIM, YOU GET THEM
TONS OF PRESENTS
402
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:29,476
'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET THAT
WHEN YOU WERE A KID.
403
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,478
IT'S YOUR WAY
TO PROVE TO YOURSELF
404
00:18:31,511 --> 00:18:34,714
YOU'RE A GREAT FATHER,
BUT LISTEN TO ME.
405
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:37,150
YOU'RE A GREAT FATHER
FOR A LOT OF OTHER REASONS.
406
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:39,419
NO, CHERYL. WE BOTH KNOW
YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT THAT.
407
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:42,655
WELL, YOU... YOU HAVE YOUR
OWN TECHNIQUE FOR FATHERHOOD.
408
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,191
OH, CHERYL.
409
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:46,293
(sighs)
410
00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:49,296
ALL I KNOW IS,
EVERY CHRISTMAS THAT I GOT UP
411
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,864
AND WENT TO THAT TREE,
THERE WERE NO PRESENTS.
412
00:18:51,898 --> 00:18:55,302
NO, JIM. IN YOUR HOUSE,
THERE WERE NO PARENTS.
413
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:58,438
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
414
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,274
LOOK, I JUST THINK WE MAKE WAY
TOO BIG A DEAL ABOUT CHRISTMAS.
415
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,276
YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW,
WHEN WE WERE GROWING UP,
416
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:05,278
WE... WE'D GIVE ANDY
SOME SUGAR-FREE CANDIES
417
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,680
AND EXERCISE BOOKS,
AND HE LOVED IT.
418
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,219
HE DID?
419
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,720
YES, HE DID.
420
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,722
HE... HE'D EAT
ALL HIS SUGAR-FREE CANDY
421
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,724
AND WALK AROUND THE HOUSE
SAYING...
422
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,726
(imitates Andy, mouth full)
"THIS IS THE YEAR
423
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,937
I'M GONNA LOSE ALL THE WEIGHT."
(normal voice) ADORABLE.
424
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:23,930
I DON'T KNOW, CHERYL.
I-I...
425
00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,898
YOU KNOW,
I GREW UP DISAPPOINTED.
426
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:28,768
I-I JUST DON'T WANT MY KIDS
TO BE DISAPPOINTED
427
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:30,337
ON CHRISTMAS MORNING.
428
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,339
THEY'RE KIDS.
THEY'RE GONNA BE DISAPPOINTED.
429
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,341
LOOK, HONEY,
I LOVE THEM DEARLY,
430
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:36,909
BUT THEY ARE
GREEDY, SELFISH CREATURES.
431
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,213
BUT... BUT DON'T YOU REMEMBER
THAT ANGELIC LOOK OF GRATITUDE
432
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,915
WHEN THEY OPENED
EACH AND EVERY GIFT?
433
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,951
WHAT GIFTS, JIM?
434
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:46,953
WHAT GIFTS
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
435
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:50,323
ARE YOU MAYBE
TALKING ABOUT THESE GIFTS?
436
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,325
THESE ARE ALL THEIR GIFTS
FROM LAST CHRISTMAS.
437
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,928
OH, LOOK. IT'S THE MANDOLIN
THAT RUBY JUST HAD TO HAVE.
438
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,063
OH, AND WHAT'S THAT?
439
00:19:57,096 --> 00:20:01,301
OH, IT'S THE MAGIC KIT
FOR GRACIE, STILL IN ITS BOX.
440
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,002
AND WHAT'S THIS?
441
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,373
KYLE'S READING WORKBOOK?
442
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:08,341
OH, YEAH.
443
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:12,312
WE TOLD HIM IT WAS FROM SANTA
SO MAYBE HE'D CRACK IT OPEN.
444
00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:16,283
LOOK, THE POINT IS
WE GET THEM TOO MUCH STUFF,
445
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:17,950
AND THEN
THEY DON'T APPRECIATE IT.
446
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:22,689
THEY'VE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN
ALL OF LAST YEAR'S GIFTS. COMPLETELY?
447
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,691
YEAH. I BET
THEY DON'T EVEN REMEMBER
448
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,693
WHAT'S ON THEIR LIST
FOR THIS YEAR.
449
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,329
THEY JUST WANT STUFF...
STUFF THEY CAN UNWRAP.
450
00:20:35,302 --> 00:20:37,270
HEY, LOOK. A MANDOLIN.
451
00:20:37,304 --> 00:20:40,807
COOL! I'M GONNA PLAY THIS
EVERY DAY. (Jim) MM-HMM.
452
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,344
OH, MY GOSH! A MAGIC SET!
I'M GONNA DO SHOWS.
453
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:47,880
SANTA WANTS ME TO READ.
454
00:20:47,914 --> 00:20:50,350
GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, SANTA.
455
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,653
OH!
456
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,623
HE GOT ME A $1,200 BRACELET.
457
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:59,292
I GUESS
I WAS JUST NAUGHTY ENOUGH.
458
00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:00,727
(laughs)
459
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,562
AND I GOT...
460
00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:07,334
A CREDIT CARD BILL
WITH A BALANCE OF ZERO.
461
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:10,370
OH, A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE.
35081
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